Ewa: Cymbalta 60 mg cold turkey

[Ewa]

Hello everyone 

 

My name is Eva, 20 years ago I gave my power to someone in lab coat and believed them that I have serotonin deficiency and need to take antidepressants. I was on one at the time on regular doses but don’t remember now. Over the years they would poop out and that’s when I would be changed to a different one always did really well with transition had no side effects either so I kept on taking them. Always was told by doctors that antidepressants are not addictive, never was advice to get off them even for years I did not have any symptoms of depression which was the reason I was put on them. I came to USA from Poland at age 23 in poursuit of American Dream ,was very home sick did not have friends, was working nights at dive bar, and studying in the morning, for two years I slept only 4 h at night and ate very poor diets that’s why I got depressed. In past 10 years I tried to get off twice with doctors help was tapered down too fast as doctors do, and as soon as I was on 0mg I would “relapse” now I know it was withdrawal. Second time it was the same story. For past 4 years I was in the best shape of my life i did yoga and other fitness at least 5 times a week I was very happy mother to my daughter and wife my husband is awesome and I love him dearly. I was in great shape mentally and physically. I kept asking myself this question why am I taking antidepressants I’m not depressed, I want to know who am I without this drug because I started to believe that I never should take them in first place. 

 

In February 2018 my cousin gave me medical marijuana ( i only smoke couple times in my life, never was attracted to it) i started to smoke and all the sudden i had that idea that I didn’t need to take antidepressants anymore so I stopped cold turkey in February 2018 from 60mg Cymbalta to nothing. Almost instantly i went into mania state, was euphoric and nothing was bothering me, i slept only couple of hours at night, i could not eat food that i ate my whole life, my tast became very sensitive, I lost appetite and had diarrhea for over month. Nothing was alarming me because I was in mania. That went on for 6 month it was starting to loose its high towards the end. And in the end of August I started to notice that I was crushing my memory was becoming very impaired, my cognitions too and I had anxiety that was scaring me because I had never had anxiety in my life. I was sure I’m relapsing and was very scared because my symptoms were much was then ever before. I started to take 60mg Cymbalta because I still had it in my house, that was August 2018, I called my doctor and she said I was relapsing , gave me Benzodiazapine for my anxiety 0.5 mg. 

 

My condition became worse I was not improving but getting worse. I could not sleep I couldn’t not eat, I could not think my cognitions was gone, I started to have sucidle ideation ( never in my life I had them before) I became dead a zombie. I had insomnia and sleeping pills were not helping ( never before in my life I had issues with sleeping) 

 

Between September 2018 and February 2019 I was switched to new antidepressant every two months. After Cymbalta it was , Effexor, then Remeron. I was in hell and totally in the hands of people who where making my condition worse but at that moment I didn’t know it I was sure I’m going crazy. In the January 2019 I did ketamine therapy but that made me worse. I was in hospital 5 times between September 2018 and February 2019. After ketamine I went to hospital again and agreed to have ECT at that time I did not care anymore I was devastated from smallest atom in my body I was broken chemically broken. After 4 session of ECT I felt better first time in 7 months I went home and was able to function some what. I got back my cognition to the point where I started to look back at what has happened to me and looking for answers, deep down inside of me I knew that it was not my body making me sick I knew that something was happening to me that was outside of my body control. That’s when I found this site SA which explained everything I was searching for, I was crying I was so relieved but also became so angry at doctors at whole system. I understood that after I started to take Cymbalta in August 2018 my body rejected it and it made me lot worse. After ECT my doctor put me on Zoloft first 25 mg and then up to 100 mg. It was March 2019 end i was saying to my husband I’m so scared i don’t know why because i know I’m safe but I’m scared. After I found S.A. I understood that the only way to heal for me is to be drug fee I understood that what has happened to me was severe withdrawal symptoms from Cymbalta. I realize that I will never trust doctor again I know that I have to heal my body and no doctor will help me to do this. I wean myself of Zoloft and have been drug free for 1 month, I also stopped taking Benzodiazapine I was only on 0,5 mg as needed but was very reluctant on taking them because deep inside I knew that this is not right. 

 

And it was not it was very wrong everything that has happened and the way we are being lied to about devastating withdrawal and addictives nature of antidepressants . 

 

So now I’m one month drug free. I have anxiety about doing basic things like grocery shopping and cooking it’s extremely difficult, my short term memory is very bad, my cognitions is better then between August 2018 and February 2019 but still not as normal, my appetite is still gone I have to force myself to eat I’m 16 Ib underweight, my sleep is broken but much better then it was before. I have tormenting thoughts like I cannot stop my brain from thinking, it’s usually related to what has happened in past year, I have depression very hopeless like a child very helpless like a child, I’m ashamed of myself for being in this condition even though i know it’s not my fault, I cannot enjoy enjoy anything that I loved in the past, I feel very disconnected from outside world and every human being. My daughter is my main reason I decided to get through it, but I feel so guilty for not being able to take care of her the way I would before withdrawal. My husband is been my biggest support and I’m worried that he will get tired of me being like this it’s must be so hard on him. I am totally different person now , I was highly functional and happy very social with everything organized. Now I’m like a child helpless hopeless afraid of my own shadow. Emotional suffering is beyond anything I have ever experienced, I cry every day for no reason other that the pain inside of me. Physically I only have problem eating and extreme blotting after I do eat. I know I’m very lucky compared to people who went through physical hell too.  I’m not myself and I’m so scared that I will never be who I was before. I’m scared I not going to feel happiness and joy. I don’t even remember how it is to be happy. 

 

Please help me to get through it 

 

I feel so lost most of my friends think I’m crazy because I decided to take charge of my life and not to trust doctors but they don’t understand that trusting doctors are the main reason I’m suffering now. I feel so lonely 

 

Please help me to get through this hell

 

Thank you

 

Ps. This website gave me hope and probably saved my life, I do want to thank the man who created it , thank you from all my heart even though I cannot feel my heart Its still there because I’m alive.

 

Edited June 15, 2019 by ChessieCat
added space

[Gridley]

Hello, Ewa, and welcome to SA.  You have really been through a lot, and I'm very glad you found your way here.  The symptoms you describe, depression, disconnection (known as depersonalization/derealization), inability to enjoy anything (anhedonia) are typical of withdrawal syndrome.  They will fade in time.  Unfortunately, we can't tell you how soon, but they will fade.  As Rosetta, one of our members, wrote,

 

"This is a very difficult experience, but you will get through it.  You will get well, and you will have a good life afterward.  Never let that hope get far away from you.  Your hope will waver.  It's impossible to keep it going everyday, but try to get through the wave until hope returns.  It will."

 

So that you can better understand what you're going through, please take your time (there's a lot of information here) and red through this information on withdrawal.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Glenmullen’s withdrawal symptom list.

 

 The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

When we take medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

These explain it really well:

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

   On 8/30/2011 at 2:28 PM,  Rhiannon said: 

When we stop taking the drug, we have a brain that has designed itself so that it works in the presence of the drug; now it can't work properly without the drug because it's designed itself so that the drug is part of its chemistry and structure. It's like a plant that has grown on a trellis; you can't just yank out the trellis and expect the plant to be okay. When the drug is removed, the remodeling process has to take place in reverse. SO--it's not a matter of just getting the drug out of your system and moving on. If it were that simple, none of us would be here. It's a matter of, as I describe it, having to grow a new brain. I believe this growing-a-new-brain happens throughout the taper process if the taper is slow enough. (If it's too fast, then there's not a lot of time for actually rebalancing things, and basically the brain is just pedaling fast trying to keep us alive.) It also continues to happen, probably for longer than the symptoms actually last, throughout the time of recovery after we are completely off the drug, which is why recovery takes so long.

 

AND

 

   On 12/3/2015 at 10:41 AM,  apace41 said: 

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.  

We strongly encourage using non-drug coping skills to deal with withdrawal.  Please take a look at the topic in the following link to see which of them you think might help you.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

Here are some techniques to help you deal with anxiety.

 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes

VIDEO:  Peace from Nervous Suffering - Claire Weekes (1 hour) (http://sendvid.com/vgquc1dg)

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help …

10 minute Restorative Yoga for Relaxation | Up the wall

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Please research all supplements first and only add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.

Please add a signature listing the drugs you've been on.  I know you've been on a lot of different drugs, but just do the best you can and that'll be okay.  Please include drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements in the last 12-24 months. Also include supplements. This will help us give you the most accurate advice we can. 

• Any drugs and supplements prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years. 
• Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago) 
• Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016. 
• Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses. 
• A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs. 
• This is a direct link to your signature:  Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

Your brain has a remarkable ability to heal itself, known as neuroplasticity.  It will take some time, but your brain will heal.

 

Healing from antidepressants: The power of neuroplasticity video (7.5 minutes)

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions, post updates and connect with other members.  As I said earlier, I'm glad you found your way here. (By the way, the founder of the site is a woman, Altostrata, and you're right, she's done a fantastic job.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Ewa]

Thank you so much Gridley 

This web site is my only hope that I will feel like myself again. Thank you for all the post and information you have attached. Is mania a typical withdrawal symptom ? I was very distressed when I realized that I was in such a bizarre state and not knowing that it was part of withdrawal made me think I was becoming crazy. Another question is how should I count my recovery time ? I quit cymbalta 60 mg CT in February 2018 became manic was off any drug for six months then gut reinstalled end of August 2018 but nothing worked and was on different antidepressants every two months. 

After i had my ECT I started to research web and found out that I was going through withdrawal. Tapered myself from Zoloft and now I have been drug free for 1 months. 

Is my recovery only starting 1 month ago or a year ago. I’m scared to think that I went through so much pain last year for nothing. 

Thank you Gridley

[ChessieCat]

You might find some helpful information in this topic:

 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

[Ewa]

Thank you ChessieCat

[TurkeyCold]

Dear Ewa,

 

I can understand your suffering entirely since I did a cold-turkey with 60mg of Cymbalta as well (I jumped off 3 times before and reinstated because I couldn't bear the Withdrawal, also: read my thread if you want to). I am familiar with the mania, I am familiar with the fierce disconnect with the essence that you experience, I am familiar with so much more. Take it slow, forgive yourself and the people around you when it's time and take measures to support your healing as far as you can. Fortunately, there is a lot you can do, but of course the most important factor is time. And you have enough of that, believe me. It's possible to get through, I say that because I experience it myself having improved significantly since I jumped off Cymbalta 20 months ago. It sounds like a long time, and it is indeed, so make yourself as comfortable as possible with the focus on YOUR healing.

 

From heart I wish you all the best

C.

[Ewa]

TUrkeycold thank you so much for your post it means so much to me because I feel like all my friends are living live in different reality since they don’t have a clue what I’m going through 

I feel like mania massed me up so much because I was having this crazy ideas and now looking back I’m scared petrified. Did you feel the same way about it ? Please tell me 

Do you feel completely heal now?  

Don’t know how to stop thinking about what has happened in past year, I’m in fight and flight mode and my heart is closed

How can I change that mode ? So I can start living my life again

How did you survive this 

thank you so much for your support 

 

ewa 

[TurkeyCold]

Dear Ewa,

 

I have "lost" most of my friends because most of them couldn't deal with my dark phases, my highs and my unpredictable moods. And - as I wrote in my blog already - it's okay for me. At this point of the process I don't want to have many people with me, some that I can trust - that is my parents and 2-3 older friends - are more than enough since I live in my own world most of the time. But if I can relate to their normal world, and I can do that more and more often in the last weeks and months, I join it and connect to the people. They are there and I know it's possible to get fully back and become operative when it's time for me.

 

I am NOT healed, I am still healing, I have very good days - physical and mental - and really bad days - strong depression days here and there, but I can classify them as physical when I'm there but of course the mind keeps running and searches for solutions against the strong discomfort.

 

What do you mean with "scared petrified"? I myself got kind of hyperactive in my manias, often feeling lightheaded, free from any fear, impulsive, reckless and aggressive.

 

44 minutes ago, Ewa said:

 Don’t know how to stop thinking about what has happened in past year, I’m in fight and flight mode and my heart is closed

How can I change that mode ? So I can start living my life again

How did you survive this 

thank you so much for your support 

 

ewa 

I am familiar with the fight and flight pattern. You have to become aware which state you are in and it takes enormous effort from you to bear these states so don't nourish that fire with additional fuel, e.g. by entering a full-packed tram when feeling the flight mode coming up or by meeting people when you are in the fight mode. Awareness is the key.

You can't change that mode most of the time since it depends on your unbalanced neurochemistry, you can only make adaptions to get through. Acceptance is the key.

Past is past, deal with what happened, but finally it's not to change. Forgiveness towards yourself is the key.

 

How I survived this? I STILL survive this being crucified here and there, on the other hand I learned a lot during that time, opened my heart more and more for this existence (of course there were and are many days without any love in my heart but I know it's the neurochemical condition). Furthermore, I got spat out of the wheel of society that runs so hard on career and creating an image of yourself, I got more and more authentic, no need to play any roles anymore.

 

So I encourage you to give significance to this terrible, terrible disease. We don't know how long it will take, I wish you brevity!

 

C.

 

 

[Ewa]

Turkeycold thank you very much for your reply 

it is very helpful to read your story, and knowing that I’m not alone in this journey 

I credit my misery due to CT from cymbalta I had never had symptoms that severe and that many of them

what I ment when I said that I was petrified by mania is that when it was over I realized that I was like another person it was not me during that state and that was scary. 

I don’t believe I have disease of depression I do believe that my depression and anxiety ( never had anxiety before withdrawal)  is withdrawal related. Ironically I was on antidepressants for long time  and believed for long time I needed them because “serotonin myth” but I don’t believe that model anymore I do believe they are creating imbalance much bigger then prior use

Thank you very much for giving me your time and advice and wishing you fast recovery to the best expression of yourself 

 

Ewa

[TurkeyCold]

Ewa, how are you doing?

[Ewa]

Hi there

thank you for asking 

I’m the same very strong depression Anhedonia 

no appetite poor sleep anxiety 

 

how about you ? How are you doing? 

[TurkeyCold]

Hey Ewa, 

 

I'm still swinging between extremely positive and negative states. Plus: Overeating a lot these days and a strong urge to annihilate myself. Lots of (neuro) anger towards myself, others, God, this life as well... 

 

Lots of healing wishes and if you have questions: please ask... 

 

Kindly, 

C. 

 

[Giulietta]

Hello Ewa and welcome to SA.

 

I'm glad you found us! You are not alone with your most unpleasant experience. It is as if we are losing our minds sometimes isn't it.

 

I have been on many medications - I have a seizure disorder so take 2 for that - but have been on many ADs and apparently CT'd off duloxetine in December even though I thought I was doing a taper. I am now in protracted withdrawal syndrome. I should update my profile - but I have good days (or partial good days) and bad days - and appetite varies from none to want to eat everything - particularly unhealthy carbohydrates. I have been sleeping better since getting a weighted blanket and black sleep eye mask. Many nights I toss and turn - or wake up with terrible anxiety and can't get back to sleep. I have also mornings where I am so dizzy I can't stand, trouble to think clearly and my vision may be so blurry I can't read the computer. It's truly a remarkable journey.

 

Amongst the most unpleasant symptoms are the brain zaps (not any of these in 5 days!) and the malaise/don't want to do anything/lack of motivation and interest - feel really bad). Fortunately these pass. I am learning to take things in stride and accept this as the new normal.

 

I am glad you have a loving husband and family.

 

welcome, 

 

Guilietta

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Ewa]

Thank you Guillieta for your very encouraging post.

How are you doing now ?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Giulietta]

Hello @Ewa and @TurkeyCold

 

I am continue to deal with ongoing (new and old) WD symptoms from cymbalta/duloxetine. 

 

How are you both doing? I haven't seen any posts from you in a long while.

 

I have been experiencing muscle pain/weakness/stiffnesss, etc. (dystonia?) since June. It has increased in the number of days since then. I am up to 11 in February and the month isn't over. For half the morning I don't have strength in my legs to walk on these 11 (or 10 or 9 or 8 days...). I lerned that many others have this and what theyare doing to help themselves. 

 

Still most of the other symptoms -including neew ones.

 

G.

[Ewa]

I’m sorry you are still suffering with new symptoms 

 

I’m mostly the same only improvement is my sleep which I’m thankful for 

 

I still have complete luck of appetite it is really bad i have to force myself to eat

severe depression nothing i ever new before 

anxiety never had anxiety in my life 

dp dr anhedonia apathy 

I’m very scared that I will not get better 

I’m 9 months drug free now and you how far are you ?

thank you for writing back and wish you full recovery 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Giulietta]

1 hour ago, Ewa said:

I’m mostly the same only improvement is my sleep which I’m thankful for 

 

Yes, Ewa. Sleep is perhaps the important thing for your brain! Getting a full night's sleep is so good.

 

1 hour ago, Ewa said:

I’m very scared that I will not get better 

I’m 9 months drug free now and you how far are you ?

 

I was a near CT in December 2018 - so it has been a long time (almost 15 months). That being said - I was a CT mid-2018 - per MD - then reinstatement in September...Then near CT in December. I was on 20 mg.

 

I am still on the poison - .2 mg (which is one bead) - and have been on this dose for 7+ weeks. I shoudl have done something with beads from the start but didn't know any better.

 

Did you CT? Did you say 60 mg?

 

1 hour ago, Ewa said:

severe depression nothing i ever new before 

anxiety never had anxiety in my life 

dp dr anhedonia apathy 

 

I know. I never experienced panic before in my life. Dystonia. And so many other things...and horrible anxiety for starters.

 

You and I are going to get better.  Look at profiles of people on here - and the months people are doing this - and slowly getting better.

 

Please quote me if you want to write to me. Otherwise I dn't know if you posted. 

 

Big hug

G.

 

[Ewa]

38 minutes ago, Guilietta said:

 

Yes, Ewa. Sleep is perhaps the important thing for your brain! Getting a full night's sleep is so good.

 

 

I was a near CT in December 2018 - so it has been a long time (almost 15 months). That being said - I was a CT mid-2018 - per MD - then reinstatement in September...Then near CT in December. I was on 20 mg.

 

I am still on the poison - .2 mg (which is one bead) - and have been on this dose for 7+ weeks. I shoudl have done something with beads from the start but didn't know any better.

 

Did you CT? Did you say 60 mg?

 

 

I know. I never experienced panic before in my life. Dystonia. And so many other things...and horrible anxiety for starters.

 

You and I are going to get better.  Look at profiles of people on here - and the months people are doing this - and slowly getting better.

 

Please quote me if you want to write to me. Otherwise I dn't know if you posted. 

 

Big hug

G.

 

Thank you for your reply 

i did CT of 60 mg of Cymbalta that’s how my life became hell 

 

do you feel like you are improving at all ? 

[Giulietta]

2 hours ago, Ewa said:

i did CT of 60 mg of Cymbalta that’s how my life became hell 

 

Hello Eva,

 

You have such a pretty name!

 

I just looked over your introduction. You really have been through h*** and then some and are on your way back. 🙂

 

How do you feel you have done since June?

 

I have improved since December 2018 and I am getting better.

 

Recovery is a slow process. Cymbalta is a terrible drug - one of the worst to get off.  LIke you, I was on many ADs and I am also on clonazepam and two other medications for a seizure disorder. When one is on a benzo AND an AD  - I understand (I read somewhere) that WD symptoms are worse. 

 

so even though I was only at 20 mg - I am still wrestling with this 13 months later.

 

When I look at where I was in December 2018  - the world is a much better place. 🙂  Panic, jitters, tremors, tinnitus - it was awful - and the jitters and tremors are gone. I woke up with jitters/tremors often and have not in a long time.I still have anxiety but it is better.

 

I want to tell you about my June since you joined in June in a similarely awful place. In June (my CT was in December 2018) I was an absolute wreck. I can't even label all emotions I was going through - panic,  fear, agoraphobia, nothing felt real, I was struggling to focus on reality. I was like this for weeks. I thought I would have to go bvack on medication of some kind - and was actually afraid to in case that would make me worse. I didn't know if I could be helped. I was experriencing panic. I managed to stay the course and decided that any medication that would do this to me - was poison - that they all are - and I had to stay wtih it. I did and I am much better since June. 😉

 

 

I had a lot of anxiety around food and it is much better now. I see others have this too. The taste/thought of it was revolting. I had to force myself to eat - so I eat anything that appeals to me. Now I am eating too many bad things (meaning too many sweets). 😉 Apprehensive anxiety is a burden and still with me - I am a homebody so it makes it more difficult to push myself out  😉 . 

 

Depersonalization and other unpleasant feelings I can't even label have mostly gone. I have not had bad tinnitus since June 2019. Anxiety is less intense - chest pounding is less frequent. Feelings of despair, extreme fatigue (out of the blue variety) come and go. When I have them - I know they will pass.

 

I still have days where I ruminate about everything. It is wasted energy and most of it will never happen. I have to pull myself back into the moment.

 

On the other hand - for equal measure - I have consecutive days with a lot of symptoms (like the dystonia) -  and they are a huge downer. I  wonder when I am going to be back to my old self.  We wonder when it will go away. It is exhausting.

 

It is easier for me to say this today and be clear headed since I have had a good day.  😉

 

Well - this is longer than I meant - but as I said at the beginning - yes I have improved in many ways and I also have new challenges as I continue to recover. At this point I am trying to manage my physical symptoms as they arise. 

 

Hugs,

Giulietta

 

 

[TurkeyCold]

Hello Ewa,

 

I wondered how you were doing?

 

Kind regards

Cornelius

[manymoretodays]

Ewa has written her Success Story, which can be found here:

She Saved My Life

 

And as is custom, I will close this topic now.

Thank you Ewa.