ResilienceandHope: finished benzos ... now on to ADs

[ResilienceandHope]

On 6/3/2020 at 2:54 PM, Altostrata said:

In my amateur opinion, that is an extremely excessive amount of Prozac. At the very most, I might try 5mg Prozac.

 

Don't understand why you're taking Seroquel at all.

 

You started out talking about gabapentin, what happened to that? When and why was that added to your cocktail?

 

What is going on? You tapered too fast in 2019, there's no way you could have gone off 40mg Prozac and 27mg mirtazapine between May 2019 and January 2020 with a gradual taper. Then you go to the hospital and get put on a drug cocktail? Why haven't you told your doctors you're having an adverse reaction?

Alto,

I updated my signature line. I let the hospital put me back on drugs. I was terrified and had a concussion that clouded my thinking. My question is about Lithium. It was added 17 days ago. Do you think it’s ok to stop it since it’s only been about 2 weeks?

[Altostrata]

From your signature:

Quote

 

Complete Prozac taper November 2019  January 2020: Complete Remeron taper

March 31, 2020: SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG! Woke up in a panic and everything went downhill fast. Insomnia, audio hallucinations, extreme anxiety and akathesia. Attempted suicide and was put in hospital. Put on cocktail of drugs. 80 mg Prozac, 15 mg Remeron, trazedone 75mg, Lithium 300mg. Took meds because I was terrified. June 3, 2020: Still having terrible withdrawal symptoms.

 

 

What are your current symptoms? You went on your current cocktail early April, how did your symptom pattern change after that?

[ResilienceandHope]

I was put on seroquel by the first hospital on April 20. I was sent to another facility where they stopped the seroquel and added prozac, Remeron, and gabapentin. I then came home and am in an outpatient program  where they stopped the gabapentin after 2 weeks and added lithium and trazodone on June 4th. Had akathisia, insomnia, obsessive thoughts, hand numbness, trouble focusing and unable to read, audible hallucinations, and attempted suicide. 

Current symptoms are some fullness in my ears and some anxiety. I am sleeping 8-9 hours again. 
 

[Altostrata]

Have you consulted with any of your doctors about minimizing your drugs? Have you asked about reducing lithium?

 

Are you under a court order to take the drugs and go to this outpatient program?

[ResilienceandHope]

I am going to tell him tomorrow I want to stop the lithium, but I don’t trust his advice on how to stop. I am not under a court order, but my family wants me to have 3 more weeks of therapy. 

[Altostrata]

For your reference prior to your appointment Tips for tapering off lithium

 

You might also want to bring a drug-drug interaction report. Please put ALL your drugs in the Drug Interactions Checker https://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.php
and copy and paste the results or a link to them in this topic.

 

I would talk about minimizing your drugs, not going off completely. Also read How to talk to a doctor about tapering and withdrawal? What to expect?

[ResilienceandHope]

Looking for some encouragement today! I’d love to hear from someone who tapered too fast, was hit with SEVERE w/d, attempted suicide, was poly drugged in the hospital and then stabilized and had a successful taper. I’m feeling overwhelmed today with terrible thoughts about how I’ve ruined my life, I’m a loser for have a suicide attempt, I’ll never feel better, etc. 

[ChessieCat]

It is highly unlikely that you will find somebody who has experienced exactly what you have.

 

Both GiaK and Shep were polydrugged and have written success stories:

 

giak-radical-transformative-healing-of-bodymindspirit

 

sheps-success-leaving-platos-cave

 

And I've just done a search and found these:

 

 

arias-recovery

 

jancarol-undiagnosed-off-all-bipolar-drugs

 

You might find others in this forum:

 

success-stories-recovery-from-withdrawal

 

[ResilienceandHope]

@ChessieCat

Thanks for responding. I just can’t stop obsessing about the attempt. When I tapered off benzos I obsessed too and it eventually went away.  It just causes me so much distress. My mind tells me over and over again my life is ruined because I tapered ADs too fast and tried to kill myself. 

[ChessieCat]

We all have things in our past that can cause us distress.  It's just different things for different people.

 

You might find it helpful to do regular (throughout the day) calming and relaxation techniques.  Even if you don't feel that it is doing anything it can help to reduce the stress on your nervous system.  It also helps to learn to accept that what happened in the past happened and you can't go back and change it.  You might find learning techniques to change your thinking patterns helpful.

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/unhelpful.htm

 

This page has a links to various self help topics on the above site:

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/selfhelp.htm

 

 

[ResilienceandHope]

@Altostrata Still looking for guidance on lithium.  I read through the info on tapering and I am going to cross over to a liquid.  I also put the drugs i'm on into the drug checker, and Trazodone and Lithium says MAJOR interaction and the risk of the interaction outweighs the risk.  So, of course I want to get off lithium right away.  Here's a quote from the Lithium Tapering section " If you have been on Lithium for over 2 years, reducing by 10% every month would be a sensible rate of reduction and it would probably be safest to not attempt to reduce any quicker than this. However, you can modify this rate as you feel, after all you know your body best. Should you need to go slower or stop reducing at any time, you can judge this best.

 

I have been taking it for 5 weeks. Do you think I can do a quicker taper since it hasn't been in my system very long?

[ShiningLight]

A lot of us have had to consciously decide how much we talk to family and doctors about this. Don't try to convince people--that's a black hole and they'll think you're crazy. You can get your validation from us.

 

The mods or your doctors can best advise you about meds. You are in an extremely vulnerable position right now with your recent suicide attempt. Any time you start OR cut meds it jolts your brain and it has to rewire so it's really hard to know what to do right now.

 

I think you should start out with keeping symptom journals.

 

Rest assured, many have recovered from where you are. The ones who have have slowed down and tried to be as rational as possible. The worst thing you can do is keep making a lot of med changes in a short time. It becomes like quicksand.

 

Right now, you're about staying alive and stabilizing, not getting off meds. You can't get off if you're not alive and if you're not stable. Once you've got that down, then you get off. Slowly.

 

Hang in there. It's a setback, but it's surmountable for sure. One foot in front of the other. Day by day.

[ResilienceandHope]

@ShiningLight Thanks for the help. How do I know when I’m stable enough? Right now I can’t imagine not feeling like this. 

[ChessieCat]

9 minutes ago, ResilienceandHope said:

How do I know when I’m stable enough?

 

WDnormal

[ResilienceandHope]

My physical symptoms have improved, but the mental torture hasn’t let up for 1 minute in nearly 3 months. My brain tells me over and over that my life is ruined because I had a suicide attempt. I can’t make the attempt go away, so I feel like I’ll never stop obsessing over it. Plus I’m back on meds so I’m being tortured over that too. So I don’t know what WD normal could possibly be in the state I’m in. Any advice would be great. 

[ShiningLight]

Wd normal is something that you get to know over time. It would be normal for you to not be able to imagine it right now because it takes time and experience to figure out. Are you keeping symptom journals? Vital for perspective.

 

Think of all the famous people who survived suicide attempts. Their lives weren't ruined.

 

Think the "crazy" thoughts but don't assign meaning to them. They're just an artifact of your brain. They look like a scary true thought but they're just the result of chemicals. Try not to get hooked by them.

 

[ChessieCat]

2 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

Are you keeping symptom journals? Vital for perspective.

 

Keeping a diary can help you to see small improvements which you might not feel.

 

Rate Symptoms Daily to Check Patterns and Progress

 

There are different printable and computer versions of the withdrawal symptoms checklist here.  There is also a blank ones you can print and add your own symptoms.

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen's Withdrawal Symptoms

[ShiningLight]

Thinking of you, Resilience

[ResilienceandHope]

23 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

Thinking of you, Resilience

Hi @ShiningLight! Thanks for checking in. We had family in town for a few days, and it was so hard to fake having fun. My mind is just one torturous thought of dying and extreme anxiety. I can’t even fathom the thought of a happy future. I can’t imagine feeling love for my granddaughter. If I just knew when or if I’ll feel better, it would help my mood. I can’t live like this for years. 

[ShiningLight]

Yes. Don't forget: just as quickly as this 💩 started, it can end. Don't lose hope.

 

Thinking years ahead is too far of a timeline. It's not helpful--in fact it's harmful.

 

If you are delaying comfort until you have a date when you know it will end, comfort will elude you. None of us knows when it will end.

 

When I was in the worst acute state, I tried my best to stay in the moment. I would ask myself, "Can I bear this moment, right now?" That's the question. I always found that I could. (Come to think of it, I would do well to remember that question when I'm in withdrawal normal and other day to day states! 😜)

 

The answer would be things like, "I'm terrified, but things I'm terrified aren't happening right now. Right now, I'm in my bed with my dogs. This moment itself is actually ok."  "I'm pacing, and it's unpleasant, but I'm just walking in my house. I can bear this moment." etc.

 

What are you trying to help yourself right now?

[ResilienceandHope]

@ShiningLight I try focusing on my breath and staying in the moment, but my brain says over and over again that nothing I do will help because I tried to kill myself. And that I’ll never be able to enjoy anything again either. 
And I feel like a failure because I let them drug me again. I didn’t let them give me a benzo but now I’m going to have to taper ADs again. Just so overwhelming. 

[ShiningLight]

Try to get some mental distance from the thought. Kind of roll your eyes and think, 'there's that pesky thought again.' There are a number of possible responses to being stuck on a thought:

 

1) Believe it, get caught up in it, and feel miserable 😭

2) Ignore it

3) Be amused by it

4) Be fascinated by it. Study it. When does it happen? When does it not happen?

6) Set 5 minutes a day at the same time every day to devote to the thought, then tell it to go away if it's not that time of day

7) It's hard for two things to occupy the same space at the same time, so fill your mind with other stuff

8)Imagine the opposite. What wonderful things might happen because you survived that scary experience? Use your imagination.

9) Maybe it's trying to tell you something. Is there something you need to process regarding what happened?

10) Coexist with the thought. Accept it as an unwanted thought. Just allow it to be there. Stop trying to get rid of the thought, but don't feed it either.

11) Any other ideas?