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SheilaHH: I've made a horrible mistake


SheilaHH

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I'm 48 and the last 2 years  have been the best in my life.  I met my husband.  Had weight loss surgery and lost 100 pounds. Had my depression and anxiety totally under control.  I was so, so happy.  Except, I wanted off my meds.  I've been on one thing or another since I was 18.  Funny enough, I started with Prozac and 18 and was given it again about 7ish years ago.  I was doing greats on the meds - no issues, except sexual side effects.  I'll be honest, I wanted to have a frappin' orgasm with my husband.  I wanted that for us.   So I talked to my doctor about going off my meds.  We agreed it was a good time and I weaned off over 6 weeks.

 

Things weren't horrible until ... gosh, I guess it was a week or 3 ago..?  The irritability/anger is absolutely gut wrenching.  I just go OFF and I can't control it, I can't reel it in and I can't let stuff go.  I will deal with the zaps (I weaned off meds before they even recognized zaps as a thing! Frappin Paxil!), I'll deal with the crying - but the anger is NOT me.  I don't even know who I am right now and I'm scared to death.  Truly, truly scared that I've made the absolute biggest mistake of my life by going off the Prozac.  I have horrible low self-worth and I'm just sure that my husband is going to leave.  He understands and supports me and has through panic attacks and the like - but maybe this is just one too many.  I don't deserve the man - he's amazing.

 

Has anyone gone back on meds with success?  Is there shame in that?  Does that even work?! Has anyone experienced these symptoms and come out the other side?  I fully weaned off on April 21, so it's been 2 months.  I was laid off in the midst of weaning and I have new insurance now.  I'm going to try desperately to get an appointment tomorrow with a therapist of some sort (I have kaiser - not sure how it works) and maybe my provider.  I need to do something.  I'm so scared - and of course, I can't stop crying.  This is so not how I wanted it to go.

 

The internet - and this site TBH - is filled with so much horror and how it's been YEARS and people still aren't the same.  I really can't handle hearing any more stories like that right now.  Are there any stories of hope? Ones that are like "yeah - it took me 4 months, but I'm fine now?" stories?  Or "I went back on and I'm cool now?" stories?  

 

This may not sound like a horrible side effect to some of you that have been through hell withdrawing, but I've been through hell most of my life (as a lot of us have been) and this anger thing is gut wrenching.  It's eating me alive right now.  I start a new job on Monday - what if I snap? What if I get irritated for no reason? 

 

I just don't even know myself anymore.  I don't like this "new" me.  Please - I need some positive guidance.  

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to SheilaHH: I've made a horrible mistake
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Welcome, Sheila.

 

Irritabiity is among antidepressant withdrawal symptoms. Since you went off Paxil in April, how has your symptom pattern changed? How's your sleep?

 

Yes, it's possible you might reinstate a very small amount of fluoxetine -- Prozac is easier to go off than Paxil -- and these symptoms will go away. You could stabilize on this very low dose, even 1mg, and then taper off by tiny amounts later. We have many people who have done this.

 

We suggest 1mg because it's highly likely going on and off psychiatric drugs has made your nervous system hypersensitive and higher doses might kindle much  worse symptoms.

 

Prozac comes in a liquid prescription that makes taking 1mg easy. 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I was really having problems coming off Mirtazapine, self inflicted, as I dropped dose way too fast from 30mg to 7.5mg over a couple of months. Didn't think I was going to get back to how I was but been back at 30mg for a while now and feel normal again. So it can be ok for some to reinstate and I suggest you could try and pls stop reading all the horror stories its not going to help at all believe me. Go back on see how you feel then plan a withdraw at a later date after getting as much info from here as you can. I think still being in withdraw after years is more to do with other problems/anxieties rather than a physical withdraw so I would really stop reading those stories  

Been on Mirtazapine 30mg for 3yrs and want to come off due to weight gain & morning hangover.

Mid March 2019 went to 15mg one night 30mg the next for a week

Was feeling ok so dropped to 15mg per night but anxiety came back so tried to get back to 30mg but body didnt like it so I panicked and found this site. Dr told me to get stable at 22 1/2mg for a month but have stuck at 15mg and plan to get stable on this, its day 3 on 15mg.

 

Reinstated back to 30 mg of Mirt and have been on this for a few weeks. Now feel leveled out to a point where I can function and work at a level of anxiety I can cope with. 

 

 

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2 hours ago, Maca44 said:

I think still being in withdraw after years is more to do with other problems/anxieties rather than a physical withdraw so I would really stop reading those stories  

 

Maca, many case histories here show your opinion that post-acute withdrawal syndrome is psychological is incorrect. Some of our members might find it objectionable.

 

However, I agree, dwelling on worst-case scenarios doesn't help.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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@AltostrataThank you.  I actually am on liquid Prozac now - that's what I'm trying to get off of.  The Paxil comment was meant to refer to around 15-20 years ago when people were first starting to take it and it caused "zaps" but the doctors and drug companies didn't acknowledge it.  They do now!  The smallest dose of it that I could take of the Prozac would be 10mg / 2.5ML.  1mg wouldn't even be a drop 🙂  

 

@Maca44: Thank you for your kind words.  The thing with online forums is that people tend to seek them out when things are wrong or help is needed (just as I was the other night when I posted).  We don't often say "I feel AWESOME!  I'm gonna tell somebody! Let me get on a forum!" 🙂  So, I do agree with some of what you say - that there are lots of horror stories - they just seem so abundant because there are a lacking of "things are good" stories.  Those people are out doing other things, I guess 🙂

 

I actually made the decision (so far) not to get back on meds.  I met with my doctor and a psychiatrist (both new to me - I was laid off 3 months ago and have new insurance and neither of them know my history) and I realized that even now, I need to trust my gut.  Both of them gave the standard "it can't be withdrawal, it's been too long, it's your symptoms coming back, go back on meds" talk - but I feel confident that these are not MY symptoms.  I've gotten to know my depression / anxiety VERY well over the last 30 or so years and this agitation/anger/moodiness is not a part of it.  This is my ONLY symptom - if there were other things, I might feel differently.  With that said, I also refilled my prescription and have it on standby and will start on 10mg if things get worse and then see how that goes.  Things over the last few days have actually gotten better.  I'm being very careful with my words and being very cognizant of acknowledging the anger and then letting it go.  Mental illness is always work, every day, not sure why I was hoping this process would be different 🙂

 

I went from being on 60mg for 7ish years to nothing in 6 weeks and that might have been too quick. It felt OK at the time...but man alive!  This came outta nowhere!   I truly don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I feel good knowing that I've got my ducks in a row in case things go south.  Being able to reach out to people who understand like you, having the support of my husband and keeping a big 'ol bottle of liquid Prozac at the ready all do bring comfort.  

 

Thank you for taking the time to write me.  It absolutely means the world to me and you've made a great difference. 

 

Sheila

 

 

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I am confused. Are you taking Prozac or do you just have the liquid on hand? How much Prozac are you taking? What effect does it have?

 

Yes, you can take 1mg with a smaller oral syringe.

 

A lot of people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Sorry - not sure what I said that was confusing.  I've been on prozac over 7 years.  I have liquid on hand because that's what I took and recently got refilled. I've weaned off 2 months ago and am struggling - that's what this entire post was about 🙂  It works, but I'm done with the side effects of being ON the meds.  

 

I really don't see how one can take 1mg - especially when the smallest medicinal dose is 20mg (but I was going to take 10).  I have the smallest syringe there is (I'm using a cat medicinal syringe) and it would be less than a drop because the syringes measure ML.  Is that what you mean?  1 ML, maybe?  1ML would be about 3MG of the medicine. 

 

Thanks for the information on the magnesium and fish oil - I've actually been on magnesim for a while but maybe upping that dose can help.  🙂

 

Thanks again!

 

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@Altostrata - I just read your bio.  You know aaaalllll about the Paxil.  I'm so very, very sorry that your journey has lead you down that road.  You are a strong woman.  Inspiring.

 

 

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1mg of Prozac is not a drop , it's because you don't have the right syringe. If you go see a pharmacist they can show you the right one ! I think Alto is suggesting 1mg rather than 10 because you've been on and off meds & your nervous system is sensitive. If you were to go back on a 10mg dose you run the risk of making yourself worse. This happened to me before I found this forum. The mods give great advice here!

2009-2018: 15mg Celexa

 

June 2018-January 2019: .5mg-1mg Ativan

 

2010-June 2021: Marvelon (Birth Control) 

 

September 2018-December 2021: Prozac reinstated 1mg (.25ml) April 21st 2019 , updosed to .32ml June 19, 2019 & started taper in October 2019. 

 

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  • Administrator

You can wait for the post-acute withdrawal syndrome to settle down -- two months is not long for PAWS -- or you could try a little Prozac. We have many people here taking tiny amounts with an oral syringe. The 1mL and 0.5mL syringes have markings for hundredths of a mL.

 

At 10mg / 2.5ML, you'd need to take .25mL to get 1mg Prozac.

 

If you'd rather cope and wait, which is a perfectly reasonable thing to do, please read

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

"Is it always going to be like this?"

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Neuro-emotions

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

Shame, guilt, regret, and self-criticism

 

Coping with irritation, anger and rage

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Honestly, I don't know what to do. My brain says one thing & my gut says another.  Thank you for all your input. I should probably start again. I'm just scared of the "what ifs".  So, so scared. 

 

Thanks for all those resources!

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16 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Maca, many case histories here show your opinion that post-acute withdrawal syndrome is psychological is incorrect. Some of our members might find it objectionable.

 

However, I agree, dwelling on worst-case scenarios doesn't help.

Sorry if some would find that statement objectionable but I was only trying to help the op. My views on long term withdraw are just that, my views, so I would hate it if the op thinks that she would still be in withdraw long term simpley because I dont believe physical withdraw could last that long hence my post. I am not looking for agreement its just my opinion which I'm sharing to put her mind at rest, it is a forum after all.

Been on Mirtazapine 30mg for 3yrs and want to come off due to weight gain & morning hangover.

Mid March 2019 went to 15mg one night 30mg the next for a week

Was feeling ok so dropped to 15mg per night but anxiety came back so tried to get back to 30mg but body didnt like it so I panicked and found this site. Dr told me to get stable at 22 1/2mg for a month but have stuck at 15mg and plan to get stable on this, its day 3 on 15mg.

 

Reinstated back to 30 mg of Mirt and have been on this for a few weeks. Now feel leveled out to a point where I can function and work at a level of anxiety I can cope with. 

 

 

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  • Administrator

Anyone may have an opinion; the deity knows the Internet gives them an opportunity to express it. However, please be aware your opinions about what other people are feeling may be wrong, offensive to them, and make you unpopular in this particular community.

 

Very often, people who are new here learn things they didn't know before and change their opinions.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I appreciated both views. At about 3am last night/this morning my hubby & I made the decision after a 3 hour long panic attack to just go back on. I started with 5mg.  I was doing fine on meds (sans sexual side effects) and I, as much as i like to think otherwise, don't think I could handle (nor want to) continue down the withdrawal path. There were also other symptoms that the depression is returning that I wasn't fully aware of (hubby & I had great chat) and/or didn't want to acknowledge. I don't fully understand the benefit/reward of spending years in withdrawal - so I definately have more reading on this site to do. But, for now, I'm pretty resigned that I'm going to be on something and it may last the rest of my life. And that's ok. Doesn't make me a failure or any less worthy.  I can only pray and hope that I can get this back under control with meds (thanks for the top on starting with super low dose), that it's not too late & that I'm making the right decision going back on. I certainly made the wrong one by going off. 

 

Thank you all for your input 🙂

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Wishing you the best of luck ! Never let anyone make you feel bad about that decision. If it's not the right time, it's not the right time ! Your well being is most important :) glad you started with a smaller dose !

2009-2018: 15mg Celexa

 

June 2018-January 2019: .5mg-1mg Ativan

 

2010-June 2021: Marvelon (Birth Control) 

 

September 2018-December 2021: Prozac reinstated 1mg (.25ml) April 21st 2019 , updosed to .32ml June 19, 2019 & started taper in October 2019. 

 

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I hope you can slowly get things back to normal soon. Only you can gauge what's best for you but its no good feeling bad again just because you want to be med free. It does not have to be forever but perhaps this is not the right time for you as it wasn't for me.

It does not make you a weak person being on meds it makes you a strong person as you have acknowledged there is a problem and are doing something about it. I would love to go through life med free and be happy but when the time is right and if that time comes.  

 

I wish you well

Been on Mirtazapine 30mg for 3yrs and want to come off due to weight gain & morning hangover.

Mid March 2019 went to 15mg one night 30mg the next for a week

Was feeling ok so dropped to 15mg per night but anxiety came back so tried to get back to 30mg but body didnt like it so I panicked and found this site. Dr told me to get stable at 22 1/2mg for a month but have stuck at 15mg and plan to get stable on this, its day 3 on 15mg.

 

Reinstated back to 30 mg of Mirt and have been on this for a few weeks. Now feel leveled out to a point where I can function and work at a level of anxiety I can cope with. 

 

 

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