CaptainYosserian: painfully desperate, I seek your guidance

[CaptainYosserian]

So this whole disaster started when I was in high school. I had been recently diagnosed with ADD, and was prescribed Retalin (a form of Adderall [for you Americans], and a sh*tty one at that). Before long I started having tachycardia, lack of appetite , I was jumpy and irritated and and was not fun at all. Now, the same neurologist, (as I believe he was) who prescribed me the drug, didn't not prepare me for all of this; the bastard didn't even scheduled a follow-up appointment or something, and didn't inform that there are other drugs at this family of drugs and if I develop any of the symptoms above to an unbearable extent I should just stop and switch to another drug. But as behooves an unprofessional and cynical bastard, he didn't bother. And so, in the midst of a Math test, junior high, I had my first panic attack🤙🤙

 

I, of course didn't have clue of what happened to me, I seriously thought I was going to faint and thought it was just a one time thing. But of course, life had more devious plans for me than that--next test I had another one. My mother, who suffers as well, understood what was unfolding immediately, but was reluctant to say and diagnose in fear of scaring me or just misdiagnosing. I decided to to get off Retalin, (I have been taking it for almost a month), but what a surprised--the panic attacks persisted. Not only that it persisted, it expanded--it now harried me in class and other places. Then, I was told, diagnosed and referred to specialist. I started CBT with an amazing young therapist and prescribed Citolpram with the starting safe-net of some Benzos. It worked wonders! But I was now another person, much more confident,  too much confident to the point of insolent and aloof even. Nothing could distress me. Panic attacks were rare, and when they visited I have managed to reduce and level them out.

 

I finished high school, and decided to fly to Berlin before my induction to the army, (a mandatory 3 years of service in Israel). And then, it's when I remember (it may have started before), that I started sleeping 3 hours a day every early afternoon. Plus waking up was a real pain in the ass. But nontheless, I thought it was normal, that I could stop sleeping everytime I command myself to it, and that everybody's morning looked like that. It took me 2 and a half years to realize that maybe I was wrong. 

 

Now the real whirlpool of disasters began. My psychiatrist, a new one, my second one, suggested that I try Milnacipran, I don't remember her thinking about it too much, her decision was very arbitrary. No gradual weaning off the Citolpram, just "take straight away after the old one". I was beset with hellish migraines! I then tried Prozac, Cypralex and fluvoxil, every one for 3 months or so. They all were the same as the other--the fatigue persisted, and they didn't cover the anxiety to a satisfying extent. The fatigue was worsening and I decided that first time in 5 years to wean off them. I stopped Flufoxil CT, of course I didn't know what it mean "Cold Turkey" at that time, because the new Psychiatrist I was seeing didn't believe it exists.

 

The fatigue did go away, which was reassuring, but I was mentally unstable, and suffered from debilitating acute anxiety at night before sleep. This lasted for months without end. One profound anxiety attack of a different order of magnitude made me go back to a different psychiatrist. He prescribed me with Cymbalta. 

 

Now, ladies and gentlemen, the real orchestra of diabolic dissonance is about to play! This pill, I kid you not, upon the first day of taking it has killed my libido flat! Sugar was too much to bare and life was a big numb. After two weeks it got worse, I started having crippling migraines that last for 3 hours each and made me puke my soul on each one's end.  On my 22th birthday, we went to the local lake, and I suffered such a extensive migraine that I remembered the thought that I wanted to be put to sleep, comatose, for at least  a year. I was seriously considering it. I came off it  as well, also with no gradual tapering off, and waited until I felt clean. Although I didn't, and it was worse than the cleanse. My mental state deteriorated and I was put on Brintellix,  and was promised it was a new ground breaking drug that will solve all of my problems! Even take care of my ADD. I ended taking it for 4 months or so, upping the dosage this time, thinking maybe that some of the symptoms are from the previous pill, and they will pass either way. It ruined my stomach, and made acidic as hell. They didn't. This time, I was determined to cleanse off gradually as I have seen in some forums like this. I have started reading more on the internet and trusting less the institutionalized system of Pharmacology.

 

I am now 4 months after my last pill of Brintellix, and there is no light in the end of the tunnel. I am experiencing a plethora of symptoms that doesn't seem to go away or even abate: my stomach acidic, my brain is foggy, I suffer from light migraines through out the day. I can't concentrate, and I have horrible fatigue attacks that can't be beaten by any amount of caffeine. I am not sharp as I used to be, I suffer from panic attacks and back pain. AND IT ALL GOES AWAY ONLY BY TAKING Lorazepam, but that makes a bit disoriented and tired as well. But only on benzos , my symptoms seriously abate and I am free to live. 

 

What should I do? I CAN'T WAIT YEARS ON END LIKE THIS, I need to earn a living and continue my life which has been on hold for 5 months or so. Should I come back on the pills? will it make the symptoms go away? I don't trust any pharmacological solution to get me out of the mud. I have lost hope, and I want to get my life on track. what should I do? 

[Altostrata]

Welcome, CY.

 

It sounds like a trail of adverse drug reactions and withdrawal syndrome, all right. The good news is lorazepam appears to settle your nervous system down from all the battering it's taken. This may take a while. The bad news is you will eventually have to taper lorazepam or other benzo, which we can help you do.

 

What is your daily drug schedule now? How do you feel during the day? How is your sleep? Attention @Shep

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

[CaptainYosserian]

 

@Altostrata

firstly, thank you for your elaborate reply.

The problem is that I don't feel any kind of improvement or abatement of any symptom what so ever. Maybe a little but I am really not sure. It's been 4 months, even more, and I can't just let it keep going, I have a life to live. The benzos are indeed of help, but I have no regular schedule--I just take them before events I know I'll need them, it's every 3 days or so. 3 quarters of a pill, very small dosage, but it really seems to abating the symptoms for a day--back pains, stomach, headaches and the panic of course...you name it.

 

I go to sleep at 12:30-1:30 and wake up at 10:00-11:00. Fatigue attacks come at 12:00-13:00 and lasts for 2 hours and another at around 17:30, depends on when I woke up. 

 

 

[Shep]

Hi, CaptainY.

 

Welcome to SA.

 

2 hours ago, CaptainYosserian said:

The benzos are indeed of help, but I have no regular schedule--I just take them before events I know I'll need them, it's every 3 days or so. 3 quarters of a pill, very small dosage, but it really seems to abating the symptoms for a day--back pains, stomach, headaches and the panic of course...you name it.

 

I go to sleep at 12:30-1:30 and wake up at 10:00-11:00. Fatigue attacks come at 12:00-13:00 and lasts for 2 hours and another at around 17:30, depends on when I woke up. 

 

You may be getting some rebound and / or interdose withdrawal symptoms from the benzo.  It's best to take the Lorivan at the same time every day. 

 

I'm not familiar with Lorivan. I read that lorazepam is reported as an ingredient of Lorivan in Cyprus, Hong Kong, India, and Malta (Lorivan - drugs.com). So if Lorivan is similar to lorazepam, you're dealing with a benzo that has a short half life of 10 - 20 hours, which can lead to interdose withdrawal (going into withdrawal in between doses), especially since you're not taking it every day. 

 

Please let us know more about Lorivan, such as the half-life and any other information. You can get this from your doctor or pharmacist. This isn't a benzo that's seen on this forum, so it will be good information to have.

 

Is Lorivan the only benzo you've ever been on? When did you start taking it? Please update your signature to reflect the month and year you started using this drug, along with the dose. 

 

Account - Settings - Create or Edit Your Signature