InChristAlone

[InChristAlone]

3 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

Why are you taking these 4 drugs at the same time?

 

Is reflux your major current symptom? When was the last time you had a follow-up for your esophagus condition?

I have just always taken my meds in morning and evening doses. It’s just how I’ve always done it.

I don’t consider acid reflux a symptoms really. I’ve had more lately, but it’s because I’m really stressed. My major symptoms right now are sleep problems and the worst emotional symptoms I have experienced since I started this whole process with the Lexapro poopout. I feel like I’m having a few days a week where I am having a mental breakdown. Today has been very tough. I worked, but it was a battle to not run out of the building. I can’t sit still and I am having trouble accepting the anxious thoughts and anxious feelings in my body. 

 

I had a follow up last March. Everything looked pretty good. The doctor said that I can taper down my acid reflux meds and take the lowest dose I can get by on without having major symptoms. 
 

 

[Altostrata]

21 minutes ago, InChristAlone said:

I am taking Nexium, .1mg Klonopin, 6.3mg of Effexor, and 10mg Zyrtec at 6:00 am and the .1mg klonopin again at 6:00 pm. I have been taking some Pepcid at night quite often since March because I started having some issues with acid reflux. ....

 

You've an increase in acid reflux at night? These are the nights your sleep is poor?

 

Why not move Nexium towards the nighttime, by an hour each day?

 

How long have you been taking 0.1mg Klonopin twice a day? Since September 2019?

 

After you move Nexium to evening, suggest you move Klonopin by one hour each day until you are taking the 2 0.1mg doses at 9 a.m. and 9 p.m.

 

[InChristAlone]

8 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

You've an increase in acid reflux at night? These are the nights your sleep is poor

No, it has just been an anxious mind and body that keep me up at night. My acid reflux has really been under control since March. 
 

8 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

Why not move Nexium towards the nighttime, by an hour each day?

My stomach doctor has always said Nexium is most effective if taken in the morning before eating. 
 

8 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

How long have you been taking 0.1mg Klonopin twice a day? Since September 2019?

Yes, I have not made a change to it since Sept. 2019.

 

I am trying to figure out the best way to get my really rough emotional days to stabilize back to withdrawal normal. 
 

I can move the Klonopin doses if you think this will help. My mind is telling me to up the Klonopin because it will calm me down and help me get through the too fast cut of Effexor last year.

 

Do you thinks it’s a good possibility to hat this has cause the destabilizing? Also, do you think that is a really bad idea? 
 

 

[InChristAlone]

A really bad idea to up the Klonopin to try and get through being destabilized is what I meant at the end of the last post? 

[Altostrata]

Being an addictive drug, Klonopin has a way of whispering to you that you'd like a dosage increase.

 

Suggest you do this in 2 separate sequences:

 

On 10/20/2021 at 1:22 PM, Altostrata said:

Why not move Nexium towards the nighttime, by an hour each day?

 

After you move Nexium to evening, suggest you move Klonopin by one hour each day until you are taking the 2 0.1mg doses at 9 a.m. and 9 p.m.

 

Let's see if that helps. Please let us know how you're doing.

[InChristAlone]

2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Let's see if that helps. Please let us know how you're doing.

I have had an improvement in the way I’ve felt today. I’m hoping for good sleep tonight. Last night was broken sleep, but I did get a little sleep. 
 

I think I am going to try your suggestions, especially moving the Klonopin to later. I’m hoping I have started to stabilize. Hoping for withdrawal normal that I experienced most of last year. During that time I didn’t feel great, but not terrible either. 

This is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Nothing compares. I have so much respect for those battling this and those who have written success stories. 

Thank you so much for the support Alto. 

[InChristAlone]

Here are 2 Christian songs that came on the radio and spoke Truth and encouragement to me. Check them out. 
 

Weary Traveler

 

My Jesus

 

Prayers for windows for all!

 

[Mia1]

Weary Traveler could be the official w/d song, seriously!! They’re both beautiful, thanks for sharing. 
 

How are you doing?

[InChristAlone]

Hey Mia! I heard that song the morning after I was so close to wanting to go back and try and find a medicine that would “fix” this. I had never heard it before. It brought tears to my eyes. 

I had decent or maybe more like tolerable days Friday and Saturday. Moments in those days were pretty good. Yesterday was a struggle. Not sure what today holds.

 

I’m praying tons of healing is going on. It feels strange to have such intense bad days again. I haven’t felt those days for around 3 years, but I’m sure my recovery is combination of a Lexapro CT around 40 months ago. Then, fast tapered Klonopin to .2mg around 25 months ago. Then, throw in the Effexor (holding at 6.3 mg) taper I started 25 months ago. 
 

The psychological symptoms during bad waves are so intense and so uncomfortable. Hope what I’m experiencing now is about to open into a beautiful window. 

[InChristAlone]

Today end up being a rough day. I’ve had about 9 very tough days in the last 6-weeks after having basically 5 or less days like that in past year.

 

Hoping Im riding out the end of a nasty wave.

 

Praying for a window for us all soon.

[InChristAlone]

Around bed time last night the feeling of a sense of doom and the anxiety I felt intensely in my body lifted. I felt strong and optimistic about the future. More so than I have in a week or more. I’m hoping and praying this is a sign of healing.

 

Today, I woke up with the normal early morning anxiety. I feel better so far today than yesterday. I also hope this is a sign of healing and better days ahead.

 

I think I’m close to a stabilizing point. I’ve had quite a few days over the past 6 or so weeks where it was a battle to function. I had not had many of those days over the past year. Most of the time I am the only one aware that I don’t feel great. Lately it’s been so intense that I couldn’t hide it.

 

I believe I have went through one of my worst waves in a long time. My guess is a great deal of healing has taken place and that soon my withdrawal normal will be better than what I was used to. 
 

I do have the worst months of my work related stress coming up starting in November. This has previously been a time where I get distracted and struggle less, but this year will be the most stressful I’ve faced in withdrawal.

 

I pray and believe I have been strengthened for this upcoming journey. 
 

I think it’s possible that I have had my last day of struggling to function for a little while, especially since I don’t plan to cut for at least a year, but it’ll probably be more like 15 months. 
 

Prayers for all! 

[benesh]

 

5 hours ago, InChristAlone said:

 

I pray and believe I have been strengthened for this upcoming journey. 
. 
 

Prayers for all! 

Hi INCHRISTALONE,

Just wanting to say great songs you shared. I am with you on the idea of being strengthened..from your mouth to God’s ears.The God who listens.

I never knew suffering until this tapering ordeal. Trusting He will use it redemptively.

Benesh

[InChristAlone]

Hey @benesh. I firmly believe God has a purpose in this for our lives. We will one day support others, and/or we will have a heck of a testimony to share. I pray you have a window coming. Hang in there. I’m doing the same and trusting God’s timing. 

Weary traveler is the perfect song for recovery. It spoke to me in so many ways! 
 

Yesterday was tough for me. Today is better. I know with each day we are one step closer to recovery. 

 

 

[InChristAlone]

Song: Hope In Front of Me

 

Jesus is my hope! 

[benesh]

Thanks for the music. Great way to start the day. I am praying for LENGTHY relief AKA windows for you.

 

[InChristAlone]

I just had a 5 day window. I felt mostly good each day. I’m very grateful for that.

 

I didn’t sleep well last night. Started getting pretty anxious last night. Woke up nervous a bunch. I think this has been triggered by situational anxiety.  I official start my promotion at work today. It will come with stressors a lot of days. I’m having to go outside my comfort zone some during a time when things are hard because of withdrawal. I think I can do this and grow. 
 

Im hoping this is a wave brought on by the anxiety of getting started and that it is short lived.

 

Prayers for windows and healing for all!

 

 

[Mia1]

1 hour ago, InChristAlone said:

Woke up nervous a bunch. I think this has been triggered by situational anxiety.  I official start my promotion at work

Congratulations!! I think this is most definitely why you were waking up anxious. I honestly think once you settle into it your sleep will return to normal. 
 

1 hour ago, InChristAlone said:

I think I can do this and grow. 

I think it’s amazing you got yourself a new job while going through this, it really shows your character and determination. You most certainly are doing this already and are growing every day. You’re an inspiration to us all and should be super proud of yourself!!

[InChristAlone]

Thank you Mia. I do not feel like I have strong character or determination today, but I am pushing on. 
 

I do anticipate settling in and things improving. Thank you so much for the support! I hope you are doing well!! 

[InChristAlone]

Sunday and yesterday seems to have been a less intense and shorter wave. It lifted last night and today has started pretty good. Slight anxious feeling when I woke up. I pray this is a sign of progressing toward stability. 
 

Prayers for windows for all!!
 

 

[InChristAlone]

Felt really good Tuesday - Saturday. Felt a little anxiety coming on last night (Saturday night). I seem to feel a wave coming on this morning. Hoping recent trends continue. The last couple of waves have been 36-48 hours in duration and followed by 4-5 good days. The last one was less intense than the ones before. I hope this is all a sign of healing and stabilizing. Last 9 weeks have been a tough up and down ride, but I see signs of possible stabilizing from too fast cuts from last year. 
 

Prayers for windows for everyone! 

[InChristAlone]

Still don’t feel good today. I’m still in a wave, but it’s definitely not as intense as some of my recent bad days over the past 9-weeks. I think it might lift today, and another window open.

 

I feel like I’m so close to turning a corner and stabilizing. My last 2 stretches of good days were better days than I’ve had in a while. Probably better than I’ve felt since this all started. The bad thing has been that they have been followed by a couple days of either feeling bad or at least feeling uncomfortable. I have had crying spells during the bad days and any physical symptoms are different than what I was used too. Hoping changes in physical symptoms is another sign of healing. 
 

I’m hoping my baseline or withdrawal normal is improving through this and that soon the bad days will improve too. Hopefully, in the near future I will be stable to a point where bad days are more of a knowing that I’m not feeling great than bad days.

 

It seems like last year was a year of just feeling blah, not great most of the time and not bad most of the time. The past 9-weeks have been a roller coaster of really good days and really bad days. I have to admit that this is really hard, but I think and pray it’s a good sign. Anyone have thoughts on this??

 

Continued prayers for everyone to see improvements and healings. 

[InChristAlone]

The short wave seemed to lift Monday night. I felt good Tuesday and Wednesday. Then, I felt another wave coming on yesterday. Yesterday was a day out of my normal routine. I was off because of Veteran’s Day. It seemed as though the anxiety was building yesterday and I feel like it will stick around or build more today. I’m hoping this just is another couple days and then I get relief again.

 

Im hoping to stabilize soon. The ups and downs can be tough. My downs right now seem to be less intense than they were 4-6 weeks ago. I have been having these ups and downs for over 9 weeks now. I’m praying to be in a place where I feel the same more consistently. 
 

Prayers for upcoming windows for all! 

[InChristAlone]

I seem to be back in a wave. Felt it start coming on midday Thursday. Anxiety seem to build Friday on into Saturday. It lifted quite a bit around 7:30 last night. I felt pretty decent until I woke up this morning. So far I’ve had less intense anxiety today. Still far from where I would like to be. Not really back to what I was calling withdrawal normal. 

 

Some of this wave may have been caused by a situational stressor that I don’t really want to go into. It isn’t really personal stressor more of so thing in the community, but it still had an affect on my emotions.

 

I continue to remind myself that I am 95% complete of my Effexor taper. I tapered too fast last year and I am paying for it now, but if I can hang on I will stabilize and be inching closer to ridding myself of this medicine.

 

Although I haven’t cut Klonopin in over 2 years. Basically, I haven’t cut it since I started the Effexor taper. I am 90% complete with that taper. 
 

Once I stabilize I will be taking a very low dose of the initial dose. I will take my time completing both of those tapers. I’m hoping that what I am feeling is similar to the acute phase I felt when Lexapro pooped out on me and I quit it cold turkey. Then, I stabilized for the most part for over 2 years. I’m hoping I’m close to being back to a more stable state. Maybe even a stable state that’s a little improved from what I felt previously. 
 

I pray everyone continues to hang in there. I believe time heals. I believe God has a plan and purpose for me. I needed this adversity to every be able accomplish His plan and to develop the faith Hw wants me to have.
 

 

[InChristAlone]

The last few days have been very up and down. A decent moment here and a rough times later on. I don’t know how long it will take to stabilize. I’ve had some rough days over the past 10 weeks after being relatively stable for 1.5-2 years during my taper. 

Today, I have the biggest day so far in my new job, so I know that has added quite a bit of stress on a destabilized system. My hope is that I am building a stronger me through continue to work as if I am not going through this. 
 

@ChessieCat

Hey ChessieCat. I’m sorry to bother you. Also, congratulations are finishing your taper! You did warn me about the he wheels coming off, and I believe to some extent that they did. Do you have any info or members here who stabilized after cutting too fast like I did? Could you point me in the direction of info on how long it takes to stabilize after making big cuts consecutively like I did. Like I said I am 10 weeks in. I am praying I start to see more progress toward stabilizing soon.

 

Also, should I consider updosing this far out from or my previous cuts. I hate to do that, but would really like to stabilize.

 

Thank you for any insights that you have!

 

 

 

Prayers for windows for everyone!

[Mia1]

Hi @InChristAlone I’m sorry you’re struggling, as someone who has rapid tapered off medication I thought I’d jump in and give my take on it.

 

 I think when you rapid taper you are prone to be more easily triggered by stressors. If you have a stressor and start experiencing symptoms the worry of the symptoms can actually be more damaging than the actual trigger, prolonging symptoms and making them much more intense. This has been my experience.

 

 I know it’s easier said than done, right? Life goes on and stress happens. What has helped me tremendously with coping with anxiety and stress is meditation. Aside from the spiritual aspects of it it has many scientific benefits such as slowing the brain down as well as the fight/flight response. I see it as a practice to bring mindfulness or presence in every day life.
 

It has helped me find stillness in the chaos and it has helped me to not react to the symptoms I experience. As a result I always feel a level of calm and peace even when experiencing symptoms. To feel these benefits you must have a daily meditation practice and be patient with the results.
 

Just like life we can’t control this process or hurry it along but we can control the biggest part and that’s how we react to it. I have given myself many windows learning this. I’m not minimizing what you are feeling or what you are experiencing but I am telling you that you can give yourself peace while you go through this. Trust the process and let go, you are going to heal.

 

 I hope you feel better soon, sending you healing love and light ❤️

[Ktven48]

@InChristAlone

 

we seem to be on similar timelines

im trying to stabilize after a fast taper 10 weeks ago. The ups and down are horrendous. I’m right there with you. Not sure how long this will take. Wish I had more windows strung together. Praying to feel consistently better. I have no idea what each day will bring for me and it’s terrifying. But I’m trying to remind myself I can survive it. 

[InChristAlone]

Thank you so much @Mia1 for the support!! 
 

How do you go about meditating? Do you just sent in silence or do you do guided meditations? 
 

Thanks! And I hope you are doing well! 

[InChristAlone]

@Ktven48I know how you feel. The ups and downs are tough. I’m planning to hang in there and hope for stability soon. Praying for the same for you! 

[Ktven48]

@InChristAlone you’ll be in my prayers as well! Hang in there - I am sure this will be the hardest journey in our lives and when we are on the other side looking back we will be in awe of our strength and appreciate life so much more! 

[Mia1]

Hi @InChristAlonehow are you doing today? I started out with guided because I honestly had no idea what meditation was or how to do it. Turns out there’s no right or wrong way, it’s just a place of quiet where you learn to focus off your mind and into the stillness within. I now just sit in silence and will observe what is happening, what thoughts pop up, sounds in the environment, until I feel the stillness and then I just connect with that. 
So maybe start with a guided, there’s a ton of them on YouTube, and see where it takes you!! 

[InChristAlone]

@Mia1Thank you! I will give it a try. 
 

I have had an ok day. Not close to the worst, but far off from good too. I’m hanging in there and trying to approach thing s one day at a time. I have a big work day tomorrow, so I’m hoping it doesn’t cause me any issues. 
 

How are you? 

[Mia1]

On 11/17/2021 at 6:12 PM, InChristAlone said:

How are you? 

I’m doing well, continuing to work on the Klonopin taper. I appreciate you asking.

 

Hope you’re feeling a bit better?

[InChristAlone]

Good deal! Glad you are doing well!

 

I had pretty good days Thursday through Saturday. Today has been ok. 
 

Thanks for asking! 

[InChristAlone]

Here is an update. Monday and Tuesday were pretty good days for me. I felt a wave start to come on Wednesday. Yesterday was not good and not terrible and today has been the same. Some moments feel pretty bad and some moments feel pretty decent.

 

I have been off work since Tuesday. Lately, it has been my off days that have been the hardest. That trend seems to have continued into Thanksgiving Break. I don’t go back to work until Monday. I’m hoping to have a decent day at home before then. 
 

Are there stories of others on here who have had a rough time on off days and days when they have free time that recovered and now enjoy life as they did before? Right now, I kind of dread days off. This wasn’t really the case until about 10 weeks ago. 

It’s strange. I had a really rough time when my Lexapro pooped and I CT quit it. For the past 10 weeks, it’s felt similar, but a little different. I know it’s from cutting Effexor too fast. I hope to see some good improvements soon! 

 

Thanks for any insights. I hope everyone was able to enjoy their Thanksgiving.

 

Praying for windows for all! Permanent windows! 

[InChristAlone]

Also, I just wanted to apologize for tagging ChessieCat. I just saw that in your signature. I definitely would not have tagged you if I had read that you requested not to be tagged. Congratulations on finishing your taper ChessieCat!!!

[ChessieCat]

You might find that because you are feeling some improvement that you are starting to do more on your days off.  Or it could be that the things that you are doing differently are worsening your symptoms.  For example, loud noises, bright lights, different routine, different food etc.  Or is there possibly some other added stress at home that you are not around when you are out of the house, eg children being children, eg arguing, fighting, not doing homework etc.

 

And good stress can also cause an increase in withdrawal symptoms.  We have SA members who experience increased withdrawal symptoms when they go away on a holiday that they want to go on (ie they are not dreading it) and/or return.

 

It could also be that when you are working you are more distracted and don't notice your symptoms as much, or possibly that you are more relaxed because the environment/work tasks are more routine so it is a more predictable environment.  Obviously this depends on what your work is.  There are some jobs that are totally unpredictable and very stressful.  But sometimes even in this type of job, when we are doing what we know, we can be less stressed because we have a reasonable idea of what we need to do.

 

Anyway, just some thoughts.