smitsquos: hello, need advice

[smitsquos]

Hello,

 

Need some advice on my current situation. I have no one that can help me. Hope this all makes sense, this took me a very long time to write. And Thank You for reading. Some background first:A

 

So about 20 years ago was in a one car accident. Without going into specifics, let me just say that I'm still here because God stills wants me here.

 

Had to learn to swallow, walk and run again. After about a few weeks of therapy everyone needed and wanted me to go back to work. Though I told everyone that was not ready; was forced back to work. Knew I was not ready because nothing that I did before the accident was enjoyable and had emotional and memory issues. After returning to work at first all seemed fine. After a few months things just kept getting worse; overwhelming. Until reached a point where could no longer work and quit a very good paying job; about a year after starting back.

 

After about a month of rest again everyone said try to find a job. Was not ready, but tried again. Found another job. This time only lasted about 3 months as the same thing happened. Repeated this cycle one more time, this time only lasted one month at this third job. The panic attacks were paralyzing.

 

Finally every one seemed to get it and got me help. Have not worked since, now have an extreme phobia to going back to work among other things, mainly paralyzing fear and anxiety of just about everything. Qualified for help from SSA and have been on it ever since. Was made to take antidepressants; do not like to take medication. But was in really bad place and had no other choice. Do not recall what exactly was taken early on, but remember trying different combinations for a while before settling on Trifluoperazine: 2 mg and Sertraline: 100 mg.

 

All the medications made feel numb, like a robot just going through the motions and not really living. Since was not feeling my best, did some searching on the effects of antidepressants [AD]. Found the work of Robert Whitaker and Peter R. Breggin, MD. Which convinced me to stop taking the AD medications. The side affects where terrible. At the time did not know about the withdrawal issues with AD's. So quit overnight and felt terrible for a while.

 

Did this without my doctors knowledge, as I knew they would never allow me to get off the AD's. I would had prefer to tell them though. After sometime felt somewhat better but the sadness, depression, anxiety, etc. Is still affecting me. During this time was having a hard time taking care of myself.

 

Fast forward. Received a letter about reviewing my SSA disability. Which I'm really worried it may be taken away from me. If that happens do not know what will happen to me. On top of that they ran AD blood test when had a recent checkup with my GP. To check if I'm taking my medication: Trifluoperazine and Sertraline. Which shows that I'm not. Will visit my psychiatrist soon.

 

So any suggestions on how to handle this? I always prefer to be honest, but this has not worked out well for me in the past. Considering slowly reintroducing the medications. About 10 mg daily of Sertraline and upping the dose at a rate of 10 mg weekly. And 0.25 mg of Trifluoperazine daily and upping the dose at a rate of 0.25 mg weekly. Not sure how I will do this though. Have read the post "Using a digital scale to measure doses", but have not been sleeping much and since it is hard for me to concentrate, can not seem to understand the instructions.

 

Perhaps reintroducing the medications will help me at this time. But knowing the facts about AD's this is not easy to do. And dealing with the side effects, ugh. Have tried so many things to get better but nothing has worked. Also my family is not very supportive. Thought they understood after what have been through but they do not. Which makes things even harder, having little to no support.

 

Hope this all makes sense, this took me a very long time to write. And Thank You for reading.

 

Edited July 1, 2019 by ChessieCat
reformatted soft returns for easier reading

[Carmie]

Hi smitsquos, 

 

Welcome to SA. I’m so sorry you went through such a trauma with your car accident. 

 

This is is actually a site for coming off medication. We can’t help you with getting back on medication. 

 

I see that you came off your meds in 2015. Do you still have any withdrawals from that? You said you felt terrible for a while, so I’m guessing you’re feeling better now.

 

I hope everything goes well with the SSA disability. Please let us know how you go there. It’s stressful, isn’t it? It would be sad if they took people’s disability away just because they’re not on antidepressants. One shouldn’t be forced to go on medication, especially seeing what these meds can do to us.

 

I’ve been on and off so many meds, it all started with chronic pain. Due to this I’m sensitised now and I feel every tiny drop coming off my medication. I’m on 6.75mg, but it will take me at least ten years to taper off that because I can only taper by small amounts. I’ve been tapering for many years already. 

 

Again, I’m sorry you’re in the predicament you’re in.

 

Take care, Sending hugs🤗

[smitsquos]

8 hours ago, Carmie said:

Welcome to SA. I’m so sorry you went through such a trauma with your car accident. 

 

Carmie, Thank You; and yes it was/is traumatic event. The accident is still with me everyday. Every loud noise is a reminder.

 

8 hours ago, Carmie said:

This is is actually a site for coming off medication. We can’t help you with getting back on medication. 

 

Ok, understood. Had read some posts where others where reintroducing their medications and thought it was ok to ask.

 

8 hours ago, Carmie said:

I see that you came off your meds in 2015. Do you still have any withdrawals from that? You said you felt terrible for a while, so I’m guessing you’re feeling better now. 

 

I'm not sure at this point, but I'm guessing I do. Since still get very anxious, depressed, fearful, etc., pretty much on a daily basis; by the smallest things. Hard for me to describe how the body feels at these times. Read someone describe it as all the cells on the body are screaming, that's how it feels. I'm bad of describing how I feel to others and forgetful about it. That is another thing my memory is terrible, mainly my short term memory. Do have days that I do not feel as anxious, depressed, fearful, etc. Try to remember what I did on that day to feel better and try to do the same thing the following day. That has never worked though. Over the years have gotten somewhat better, do too making lifestyle changes. Walking,  getting some sun; not locked up in a room all the time, trying to meditate and becoming a more spiritual.

 

8 hours ago, Carmie said:

I hope everything goes well with the SSA disability. Please let us know how you go there. It’s stressful, isn’t it? It would be sad if they took people’s disability away just because they’re not on antidepressants. One shouldn’t be forced to go on medication, especially seeing what these meds can do to us.

 

 

Will do and yes it is very stressful. I hate having to lie, but feel like I have no other choice or else the little help I get will be taken away. Also do not like being on SSA at the same time if that makes sense. If I could work I would be working. Do not want to start taking the meds again. Hoping for the best.

 

8 hours ago, Carmie said:

I’ve been on and off so many meds, it all started with chronic pain. Due to this I’m sensitised now and I feel every tiny drop coming off my medication. I’m on 6.75mg, but it will take me at least ten years to taper off that because I can only taper by small amounts. I’ve been tapering for many years already. 

 

Sorry to hear that; keep at it, you will get there.

 

8 hours ago, Carmie said:

Again, I’m sorry you’re in the predicament you’re in.

 

Take care, Sending hugs🤗

 

Thank You, much appreciated, have a good day and a hug 🤗

 

Edited July 4, 2019 by ChessieCat
reformatted to remove strikethrough

[Carmie]

Hi again smitquos, 

 

Yes, that would have certainly been a traumatic event. I’ve actually been hit by a car and spent three months in hospital. I don’t remember the accident though as I was unconscious, so I have no traumatic memories from it. 

 

I’m not sure why your post has got a lot of stuff crossed out. Did something happen with your computer?

 

The reason reinstatement of meds is mentioned on this site is because sometimes a tiny reinstatement can help with withdrawal symptoms. It’s best done within the first three months. It doesn’t always work, but it has helped a lot of people. By tiny I mean even starting out with something as small as 0.25mg.  

 

I’m sorry you still have withdrawals symptoms since going cold turkey in 2015. It can take quite a while for symptoms to subside. There are lots of people on here who have cold turkeyed and it’s taken a long time to stabilse again. Our brains really have a great capacity to heal, it’s a very slow process though.

 

Just because you’re not on meds isn’t a reason for disability to be taken off you. That would really be unfair. Maybe you could go for some counselling or something and then they might take you seriously?

 

Take care💚

[smitsquos]

Carnie,

 

The accident was a great shock to the body and mind. I think you are better off not having any memories? We say accident, but in the divine scheme of things nothing happens by accident. Whether we realize it or not.

 

Have no idea why part of my previous reply has strikethroughs. The strikethroughs where not there when I submitted the reply. Did try to remove them, but could not though.

 

Ok, that makes sense.

 

Until recently it did not occur to me that what I'm going through could be from the withdrawal . After doing some reading here, it makes sense now.

 

Agreed. Did see a psychologist for a few months  early on. And quickly realized that was not for me.

 

Thank You and Be Well.

[Carmie]

Hi smitquos, 

 

How have you been doing?💚

[smitsquos]

Sorry for the late reply.

 

Doing the best I can and hoping for the best.

 

Realized the other day while reading other' s experiences here. What have being experiencing for a long time are

side effects. Mainly, sensitivity to light, sounds and smells, restlessness,  floaters/bad vision; a few other things

that can not remember right now, poor memory. Thank You for asking and have a great day.