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BfromNJ

Do I not love him or is it the meds?

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BfromNJ

Hello all.  I am sure some of you have gone through this same thing. I am having a really hard time conjuring up any feelings for my boyfriend.    Its like I just don't care.  Mind you, he had given me reasons, and has not been the most supportive at times during all this.   And there is a history of issues with him that I have had to deal with.   My daughter doe not like him and will have nothing to do with him, so that does not help with how I feel right now.  It just seems to reinforce it.    I have no problem showing love and care for my family and friends.   its just him.    

 

I am actually going to be making a big move to be near my parents and brother in another state.  They have always been a big support for me and we have always been very close.  when my parents moved it was hard for me and still is.   And he does not want to go.  So we will be a long distance relationship (not that far really, 6 hours or so).  but im honestly not sure if it will survive.  and I am wondering if my real intention to move is to get away from him. I know this all sounds so awful, but I cant help it.  I am afraid that when the smoke clears from the meds, that maybe I will regret this, but really I don't deep down think so.  I also have the added difficulty of perimenopause and I know hormones are affecting my sex drive and all.  Of course, this isn't fair to him as well. 

 

My daughter agrees with my decision and thinks that I am not my best self with him.   He can be difficult and says not so nice things sometimes.   

 

I don't mean to hurt him. but I cant help it.  Currently searching for a therapist to work through this all, but I am sure there are others on here who went through this.   I don't want to second guess my decision or my feeling just because of the meds or blame it on the meds if its meant to be like this.  on the other hands, what if it is the meds?   

 

I just feels like to much work right now to deal with it.  I don't feel like I have it in me.  

 

 

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Altostrata

You're taking a psychiatric drug cocktail, do you expect to have normal emotions?

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ChessieCat
4 hours ago, BfromNJ said:

So we will be a long distance relationship (not that far really, 6 hours or so).  but im honestly not sure if it will survive. 

 

It will certainly test the relationship.  One way of looking at it.  It will either strengthen the relationship or the opposite.  The result will be that you find out how much you mean to each other.

 

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Altostrata

Seems pretty clear that you like him but you don't like him.

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BfromNJ

 

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

You're taking a psychiatric drug cocktail, do you expect to have normal 

Well I guess not.  Wishful thinking.   Although doctors would leave you to be believe these pills will make it all better.   

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Altostrata

If you don't like him that much, drugs are not going to make it work.

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BfromNJ
10 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

If you don't like him that much, drugs are not going to make it work.

I know.  I just meant that doctors make it out that you pop a pill and all is well.  Which couldn't be farther from the truth.   I just feel like meds numbed me to him.  Either way I still can't force myself to feel it. 

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WakeMeUp

Hi BfromNJ

 

Quote

I am having a really hard time conjuring up any feelings for my boyfriend.    Its like I just don't care ...  I have no problem showing love and care for my family and friends.   its just him ... I just feel like meds numbed me to him ...Either way I still can't force myself to feel it. 


 

All of these statements sound very familiar.  When emotional numbing happens, it frequently happens with romantic feelings first.
This is a document put together that helps paint a picture of what we see very frequently after a change in dosage (up or down) from psychiatric drugs.  

The Dynamichttps://drive.google.com/file/d/1YO_SdrrPcCNcKaDhP7ISC_AjN1Pw8lgw/view?usp=sharing

 

Sometimes it is easier for the non-medicated partner to see changes in behavior before the medicated partner realizes it is the drugs affecting personality or actions.  Dr. Breggin calls this Medication Spellbinding, and it is very powerful.  Previously medicated partners that have tapered successfully and have had their feelings return have said things like "Unfortunately when you are in the situation it is much like being in a storm cloud - you don't realize that you are in the storm until you stop taking it and can "step out" of the situation and see it in hindsight."

 

The primary focus needs to be your health in tapering.  When you get YOU back, the relationship will be better able to handle the other issues you are dealing with.  What I would recommend is that you try not to make any drastic or permanent decisions while making dosage changes.  Those decisions are best when you have a bit more stability, or you have held at the same dosage for a bit and you don't have a roller coaster of mood swings happening.  However, even then, the medications can suppress emotions and cause abnormal behaviors.   

Here is another document I always like to link to as well, that might help your partner understand this also, especially the part about supporting a partner through tapering and the relationship "issues" needing to wait a bit.  
Psychiatric drug-induced Chronic Brain Impairment:  http://breggin.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Breggin2011_ChronicBrainImpairment.pdf

Good luck with all of this!!

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Lloyd

Probably not the best combination of traits in a partner especially when your going through something like this. Don't stay with him for the sake of maybe feeling something down the track. Emotional blunting is not always a side effect for everyone, for me i felt love and happiness when i was on my meds & i still do even through withdrawal. Maybe the move will give you and your daughter a chance for a fresh start.

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BfromNJ
7 hours ago, Lloyd said:

Probably not the best combination of traits in a partner especially when your going through something like this. Don't stay with him for the sake of maybe feeling something down the track. Emotional blunting is not always a side effect for everyone, for me i felt love and happiness when i was on my meds & i still do even through withdrawal. Maybe the move will give you and your daughter a chance for a fresh start.

Unfortunately my daughter is not going.  she is in college in NJ still.  that is the only thing making me think twice , leaving her behind.   but she understands and just wants what is best for me.  I cant afford to live on my own in nj, and in va i have a place to live with my brother.  

 

Last night my boyfriend and i were going back and forth and he tells me he thinks i should just stop the meds.  this is the kind of support i get.  which i know alot of people think.  oh, you will be fine.  lol. 

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BfromNJ

I just cant muster up any caring or emotion. I hate this.  but maybe its for the best.  maybe I need to move to be away for a while, heal and work on myself. 

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BfromNJ
13 hours ago, Altostrata said:

If you don't like him that much, drugs are not going to make it work.

I don't even know if I like him, im so numb!   I know drugs wont make it work, I think they are the numbing factor.  

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BfromNJ
13 hours ago, WakeMeUp said:

Hi BfromNJ

 


 

All of these statements sound very familiar.  When emotional numbing happens, it frequently happens with romantic feelings first.
This is a document put together that helps paint a picture of what we see very frequently after a change in dosage (up or down) from psychiatric drugs.  

The Dynamichttps://drive.google.com/file/d/1YO_SdrrPcCNcKaDhP7ISC_AjN1Pw8lgw/view?usp=sharing

 

Sometimes it is easier for the non-medicated partner to see changes in behavior before the medicated partner realizes it is the drugs affecting personality or actions.  Dr. Breggin calls this Medication Spellbinding, and it is very powerful.  Previously medicated partners that have tapered successfully and have had their feelings return have said things like "Unfortunately when you are in the situation it is much like being in a storm cloud - you don't realize that you are in the storm until you stop taking it and can "step out" of the situation and see it in hindsight."

 

The primary focus needs to be your health in tapering.  When you get YOU back, the relationship will be better able to handle the other issues you are dealing with.  What I would recommend is that you try not to make any drastic or permanent decisions while making dosage changes.  Those decisions are best when you have a bit more stability, or you have held at the same dosage for a bit and you don't have a roller coaster of mood swings happening.  However, even then, the medications can suppress emotions and cause abnormal behaviors.   

Here is another document I always like to link to as well, that might help your partner understand this also, especially the part about supporting a partner through tapering and the relationship "issues" needing to wait a bit.  
Psychiatric drug-induced Chronic Brain Impairment:  http://breggin.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Breggin2011_ChronicBrainImpairment.pdf

Good luck with all of this!!

Good reading material.  The problem is, its hard for me to live with someone and wait it out , having no feelings.  very tough situation, medication induced or not.   What if its better for my health to be near my parents?  if its more of a healthy environment?   I think my dynamic my be a bit different here.  my partner is not seeing it as a possible med induced thing, he refuses to believe it, because I was struggling with anxiety and depression pre medication, it must still be these initial issues right now.  I'm recognizing that it may be a medication problem, he is not.  and he says if they are a problem, "just stop them".  easy peasy right?  lol.   I just don't think he has it in him to go through this with me.  He keeps reminding me of the mistake I made going in patient to begin with.  which I don't need, I beat myself up enough.  I did what I thought right at the time and trusted the doctors to give me the right medication.  in hindsight, I wish I did different.  I cant take it back, so I don't need to be reminded of it.

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Lloyd

Its very frustrating getting people to understand who haven't had the pleasure of antidepressant withdrawal or serious mental health problems. Him just telling you to stop taking the medications is not helpful. Don't beat yourself up over it too much its a very difficult thing to go through and we have to do our best with what we have.

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