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Kiaza 10 years of Citalopram and now healed


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withhopeinmyheart

Congratulations! A wonderful success! You are so right. A lot of what we think is important just fades away while we are forced to survive this hell. 

 

Thank you for sharing your healing success. 

Escitalopram August 2015 - 20mg

Some time in winter 2017 down to 10mg with no problems

May 21 2018 5mg, June 4 2018 2.5mg, June 18 2018 0mg 

October 1 2018 something's wrong 

October 2 2018 arriving in hell

Reinstated 0.25mg

October 27 2018 0.35mg, November 23 2018 0.5mg, November 24 2018 0.6mg

November 28 2018 0.5mg and holding since 

Taking fish oil and magnesium 

L-Thyroxin 50 for Hashimoto's

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Thank you for sharing your success story and so glad you are feeling well.  

 

I'm glad you are sleeping and that your stomach is fine. Those are two *** areas for me besides the fear of ever being med free and healed. 

 

You have survived and you're right, after that, nothing else has to be proven. 

 

Well done.  

 Sept 2013-Apr 2014:  After death of my mom put on as series of meds. Zoloft 6 days, Lexapro1 day, Nortriptyline 10 days, Liquid Prozac 1 week, Cymbalta 1 week.

Got off Clonzapam: 1/2014-9/2014. After given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs

Completed Remeron taper: 41.25 -0.025mgs  1/2015-4 2017. 

Completed Lamictal Taper: 200mgs-0.05 mgs 7/ 2015-11/2018. 

Clonazapam  December 2018. 0.625 Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping and not thinking straight. 28 March, 2019  4% taper Total: .625mgai   26 May, 2019  4% taper Total: .575 mgai,   24 June, 2019 2.5 % taper  10 Clonzapam tablets weigh1.999 mgpw  Average  200 mgpw.  0.0073mgai 9AM, 0.0073mgai 3PM, .415mgai, Total: 561mgai,  10 July, 2019 (Compounded pills) .0073mgai 9AM,.0073mgai 3PM, .415mgai,

Total .561mgai   26 August, 2019 (Back to regular pills due to bad reaction) .0078mgai 9AM, .01075mgai 3PM, .360mgai PM, Total: .545mgai   26 Sept. 2019 .0775mgai 9AM, .1mgai 3PM, 0.350mgai PM: Total: .5275mgai   31 Oct, 2019 .0750mgai 9AM, .0925mgai 3PM, 0.340mgai 930PM, Total: .5075mgai,   30 Nov. 2019 .0775mgai 9AM, .0825mgai 3PM, .3325mgai 9:30PM, Total:.490mgai   31 Dec. 2019 .0775mgai 9AM,  .080mgai 3PM, .3225mgai 9:30PM,  Total: .4775mgai   31 Jan. 2020 .0725mgai 9AM, .0750mgai 3pm, .315mgai 9:30PM, Total: .4625mgai    29 Feb. 2020  .0675mgai 9AM, .0675 3PM, .305 mgai 9PM Total: .440mgai 31 March 2020 .065mgai 9AM,  .065mgai 3PM, .2925mgai 10PM, Total: 4225mgai  30 April 2020 .0625mgai 9AM, .0625mgai 3PM, .2775mgai 10PM  Total: .4025mgai 31 May 2020 .0625mgai 9AM, .0625 mgai 3PM, .2526 mgai 10PM, Total: .3775mgai  30 June 2020 .0625mgai 9AM, .0625mgai 3PM  .2175 mgai 10PM Total .3425mgai.   31 July 2020 .0575 mgai 9AM .0550 mgai 3PM .180mgai 10PM Total .2925mgai  31 August 2020 .0475mgai 9AM, 0.045mgai 3PM, .01475mgai 10PM Total: .2375mgai  30 September 2020 0.0375mgai 9AM 0.035mgai 3PM 0.110mgai 10PM  Total: .1825mgai 31 October 2020 .0325mgai 9AM .0350mgai 3PM  .0725mgai 9PM

Total: .14mgai  30 Nov. 2020 .03mgai 9AM  .0276mgai 3PM 0.450mgai 9PM Total: .1025mgai 31 Dec. 2020 .02mgai 9AM .02mgai 3PM .02mgai 9PM Total: .06mgai  5 February, 2021 .0150mgai Stepped off of Clonzapam, Benzo Free

 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs,  Vitamin D, Vitamin C, Magnesium Glycinate

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readyfortheworld

Congrats on recovery! What hobbies/activities helped you during withdrawal? Were you able to work during withdrawal?

Adepsique: January 2016 - July 2016 (took half a pill in the mornings for 6 months) the dosage was 5 mg of amitriptyline, 1.5 mg of diazepam, and 1 mg of perphenazine 

 

Escitalopram: 10 mg: July 2016 - April 2018

Olanzapine 2.5mg: July 2016 - October 2017

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On 8/3/2019 at 2:50 AM, readyfortheworld said:

Congrats on recovery! What hobbies/activities helped you during withdrawal? Were you able to work during withdrawal?

 

I was a complete vegetable so I could only work like one month at a time and then rest for a few months. I’ve been out of work life for 4 years except I was working this summer and now I hope I will get a teaching job for this autumn. 

 

Walking is maybe the best way to exercise during withdrawal. It soothes the nervous system and also heals the brain. I walked a lot. I tried yoga and pilates but I just immediately got this mentality that I need to do this really well and throw myself into it so I quit. I’ve had problems with over doing stuff since I am a perfectionist and I wanted to get rid of that,  so everytime when I get obsessive about being really good and perfect at something, I stop. It’s not healthy to push yourself to the edge over an obsession.

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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I had PSSD for maybe 4-5 years? I don’t anymore. Last night I had the best sex I’ve ever had in my life and sensation was back to normal. I guess time and practice does wonders.

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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@Kiaza u had any visual disturbances ? 

 

U had floaters or tinnitus ? 

Did that go away too 

Sept 28 : nov 10 amitriptyline 10 mg

no history of drugs in past 

 

symptoms 

mild grainy vision , visual snow 

tinnitus 

dizziness

floters 

difficult in focusin 

muscle pain

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@shawnyYou sent me a personal message earlier and I already answered that question. I did and it went away.

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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Sure tanx ,

 

i must have forgotten :) 

Sept 28 : nov 10 amitriptyline 10 mg

no history of drugs in past 

 

symptoms 

mild grainy vision , visual snow 

tinnitus 

dizziness

floters 

difficult in focusin 

muscle pain

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Thank you so much sharing!

Though I had already read some successful stories, when I managed to reach 1-year point of being my poison-free I really felt it's impossible to cure after such long time. It's been hell and in one respect (GI issues) I am even worse than year ago.

I have some hope again!

[2013 - 2017] >10 meds and combos (some breaks without meds; last in May-Sep 2016)

[2017] Mar 22 - venlafaxine 150; initially with mianserine 20 which I stopped around June due to serious stomachaches and bloating; 1 month of break in Aug when: duloxetine 60 + esketamine clinical trial)
Sep 05 - venlafaxine 150 + bupropion 150
Oct 11 - tapering off venlafaxine while still on bupro 150; Oct 21 - venla 37,5
Nov 06 - venla 37,5 + bupro 150 + >START buspirone 30>
Nov 20 - venla 12,5 + bupro 150 + buspirone 30;   Nov 29 - [STOP venla]
Dec 01 - [tried to STOP buspi cold turkey] / Dec 03 - HELL unleashed;   Dec 10 - buspi 10;   Dec 17 - buspi 20 (+ still bupro 150); Jan 02 [STOP] bupro;
[2018] Mar 17 - >START quetiapine 50 SR> for tension, restlessness and attacks of fury (buspirone persisting w/d symptom)

Apr 24 - FINALLY STOPPED buspirone (5-month taper; worst in my life) - w/d symptoms continue... Jun 02 - STOP quetiapine
Now taking: mirtazapine 7,5 mg (helps to fall asleep quickly, doesn't help for waking at dawn; didn't tolerate higher doses); for restlessness / akathisia: taurine; antihistamines (small amounts cause still can cause headache and dry mouth even at 12,5 mg of hydroxyzine or promethazine); melatonin 1 mg; omega-3 (330 EPA, 220 DHA); Mg.

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@voyteck you have lots of hope. I was in really bad shape a year ago and it felt like it will never get better but it did. Just keep hanging there.

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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@Kiaza I wrote you a message :) I can post here too. I was wondering if you had the intrusive si, hopelessness/dread in your chest, depression or chemical feelings of wanting to die. ? Im 17 month's in and definitely improving but still having very tough times. I look forward to hearing back!!! :) thank you, glad your doing well!

13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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  • Altostrata changed the title to Kiaza 10 years of Citalopram and now healed

Hey Kiaza, I'm glad to hear you're healed now. I'm wondering if anhedonia was one of your symptoms during withdrawal? And also, you mentioned you had PSSD. Do you mind sharing your symptoms that are gone now? Did you have genital numbness? And what was your pattern of recovery from PSSD/anhedonia? Thanks, and happy to hear about your recovery

Zoloft 50 mg from April 23, 2015 to August 28th, 2016 (1 year, 4 months).

4 week taper. Last dose on August 28, 2016

 

Mianserin 30 mg in an attempt to reverse PSSD from September 6th, 2017–around mid November 2017 after a few week taper. Did not fix PSSD

 

Currently taking: Melatonin and magnesium every night.

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  • 3 months later...

Congrats and thanks for sharing!! Love hearing success stories from long-term ADs. :)

16.4.14 - 25.4.15 Took Paxil (??mg) - cold turkey. Had random pgad symptoms around this time but not sure when exactly.

?.5.14: Started Citalopram (10mg) / 17.5.14: Quickly upped to 20mg  / 9?.15: upped to 30mg. 

8.16: Tapered off Citalopram in less than 2 weeks / 9.16: straight back on 20mg for just a week then stopped cold turkey. 11.16 Very mild pgad, PN symptoms and other withdrawals started.

7.12.16: Took Amitriptyline 10mg for just 2 days then stopped cold turkey.

14.12.16: reinstated 5mg of Citalopram / 1?.16: 10mg Citalopram / ?.16: 20mg Citalopram. 3.17 (6 months since withdrawing) pgad hit.

8.2.18: 15mg Citalopram / 8.3.18: 10mg / 8.4.18: 5mg / 12?.5.18: 2.5mg / 19.5.18: 0mg. pgad worsened almost instantly from first tapper, all sorts of PN symptoms, earworm, tinnitus, other things, coming and going until late 9.18 (4 months since 0mg) where it all got SO MUCH worse for 1.11 years (with windows and waves).

1.9.20: 99% healed ❤️

31.5.21: Smoked weed 5 out of 9 days. Pgad and other old withdrawals came back. 🤦‍♀️

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  • 1 month later...

@Kiaza your story has been one of the most inspiring that I've read on this site, you're so brave to go through what you've been through and frankly it's amazing that you've recovered so well. It gives others like me hope!

 

@potions  If you check her original story below, she describes how she was completely emotionally and sexually numb and has even managed to recover from this. I hope you see this story and it gives you some faith that you will also heal. 

 

 

 

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On 8/2/2019 at 6:38 AM, Kiaza said:

Here’s a link to my story 

 

Hello! I have a success story. After 4-5 years of hell I am now normal and healed. My withdrawal ended up in psychosis and suicide attempts due to way too quick tapering of citalopram. Don’t ever do a cold turkey or taper too quickly.

 

I can’t really remember what has happened during these past years since they were full of terror, paranoia, anxiety, insomnia, vomiting, stomach problems etc. I just want to forget it all and hopefully live a good , healthy life for the rest of my life.

 

Maybe the worst symptom was insomnia since it makes all other symptoms feel much more worse. My insomnia lasted for three years. Sometimes I was so tired that i wanted to die because it felt like the only option that would give me rest. Now I sleep 6-8 hours every night and my sleep cycle is normal. I go to bed 10pm and wake up 7-8am. 

 

This summer has been a big turning point. Getting better started about a year ago and I’ve steadily become better. I’ve been studying again and I also had a summer job. I can cycle 20km trips so my physique is now much better than it was when all I could do was to lay in bed for two years.

 

My bodily functions are now normal. My stomach works fine and I guess getting my tummy to work normally is the reason why I feel so much better. All health comes from the gut. Periods are normal. My hormones were messed up for years but now endocrine system works. I had really bad period cramps and pains during withdrawal but now it’s all back to normal.

 

I had really bad repetitive thoughts and thinking and total lack of feeling safe. For 2-3 years I went on and on about how I should have just eaten healthy, exercised and quit my medication slower. I’ve always had issues with safety, but medication kept those feelings away. I did a lot of mental work to get rid of my obsessive thinking. I have always controlled my eating, it has given me a feeling that I’m in control of my self. During withdrawal I had no control over me, my emotions swept me out of balance and I couldn’t control my behaviour. I also lost the ability to control my eating since I got very bad cravings. I ate 3 bags of candy per week, pizza, hamburgers, what ever. Not very wise if you want your body to get better and heal but every cell inside of you is yelling for carbs and fat. So fat and carbs I ate.

 

During last 6 months I have started to eat normal. Maybe I would have been healed a long time ago if I had eaten properly but somehow I needed a slow transition back to normal. I also didn’t want to start obsessing about health, fitness and food so I gave myself time to get adjusted to maybe a more healthy way of thinking. I can eat  whatever I want (but in moderation), my life is not ruined forever if I don’t follow a strict set of rules about eating and exercising. I have been in hell, I don’t need those things to keep me safe or give me order in this world that makes no sense. Anything can happen in any second so why waste my life fearing it. I’ve always had problems with myself, medication faded those feelings but never healed them since I could not access the events and feelings in my mind which led to certain kind of behaviour. Now I’ve worked those things by myself. I was in therapy for awhile but I didn’t want to continue it because I knew I have the tools and answers in myself and I want to go through this on my own, no therapist can help me since nobody knows me better than myself. 

 

My body and mind went to ruins in withdrawal process. I may have trauma that will never heal, but now I am more merciful towards myself. I like who I am as a person. I don’t need to be fit to like myself. I still have 10kg extra weight that came from withdrawal, but I’ve always been too skinny so who cares. I don’t let little things get to me anymore, I don’t let pressure from outside get to me anymore. I have no need to ”be something” to get respect from others. I survived this hell so I have nothing to prove to anyone because I proved myself  everything I ever wanted. All  I ever maybe wanted was that I would accept myself and have the courage to be myself and now I’ve done it.

@Gemma92 @intothewoods

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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Very good you survived this ordeal, it gives hopes to others

  • 13th of August 2019 started to take 20 mg citalopram
  • 😀24th of August 2019 down to 10mg stopped citalopram altogether on the 30th of August 2019
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Short term citalopram

 

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@Kiaza did you have cognitive problems? 

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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On 8/2/2019 at 8:14 AM, withhopeinmyheart said:

Congratulations! A wonderful success! You are so right. A lot of what we think is important just fades away while we are forced to survive this hell. 

 

Thank you for sharing your healing success. 

I'm happy that you healed, it gives hope to others that are having withdrawals symptoms, all I can say you are a very strong woman welldone

  • 13th of August 2019 started to take 20 mg citalopram
  • 😀24th of August 2019 down to 10mg stopped citalopram altogether on the 30th of August 2019
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Short term citalopram

 

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Very good topic on people who want to heal withdrawals symptoms, this website gives hope to people who are going through withdrawals.

  • 13th of August 2019 started to take 20 mg citalopram
  • 😀24th of August 2019 down to 10mg stopped citalopram altogether on the 30th of August 2019
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Short term citalopram

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi guys!

I don't come in here very often so I might not answer your questions. Every symptom you have, I've propably had it too and I got better. I've been with my boyfriend for 1,5 years now and I met him after 1 year of being drug free. It is possible to get feelings back and have a sex life. But you also need to work for it yourself and train your brain to function again. I did handcrafts, went to long walks, rode a horse whenever I was able to, played lots of board games and that is how I got my mental function back.

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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On 8/2/2019 at 6:38 AM, Kiaza said:

Here’s a link to my story 

 

Hello! I have a success story. After 4-5 years of hell I am now normal and healed. My withdrawal ended up in psychosis and suicide attempts due to way too quick tapering of citalopram. Don’t ever do a cold turkey or taper too quickly.

 

I can’t really remember what has happened during these past years since they were full of terror, paranoia, anxiety, insomnia, vomiting, stomach problems etc. I just want to forget it all and hopefully live a good , healthy life for the rest of my life.

 

Maybe the worst symptom was insomnia since it makes all other symptoms feel much more worse. My insomnia lasted for three years. Sometimes I was so tired that i wanted to die because it felt like the only option that would give me rest. Now I sleep 6-8 hours every night and my sleep cycle is normal. I go to bed 10pm and wake up 7-8am. 

 

This summer has been a big turning point. Getting better started about a year ago and I’ve steadily become better. I’ve been studying again and I also had a summer job. I can cycle 20km trips so my physique is now much better than it was when all I could do was to lay in bed for two years.

 

My bodily functions are now normal. My stomach works fine and I guess getting my tummy to work normally is the reason why I feel so much better. All health comes from the gut. Periods are normal. My hormones were messed up for years but now endocrine system works. I had really bad period cramps and pains during withdrawal but now it’s all back to normal.

 

I had really bad repetitive thoughts and thinking and total lack of feeling safe. For 2-3 years I went on and on about how I should have just eaten healthy, exercised and quit my medication slower. I’ve always had issues with safety, but medication kept those feelings away. I did a lot of mental work to get rid of my obsessive thinking. I have always controlled my eating, it has given me a feeling that I’m in control of my self. During withdrawal I had no control over me, my emotions swept me out of balance and I couldn’t control my behaviour. I also lost the ability to control my eating since I got very bad cravings. I ate 3 bags of candy per week, pizza, hamburgers, what ever. Not very wise if you want your body to get better and heal but every cell inside of you is yelling for carbs and fat. So fat and carbs I ate.

 

During last 6 months I have started to eat normal. Maybe I would have been healed a long time ago if I had eaten properly but somehow I needed a slow transition back to normal. I also didn’t want to start obsessing about health, fitness and food so I gave myself time to get adjusted to maybe a more healthy way of thinking. I can eat  whatever I want (but in moderation), my life is not ruined forever if I don’t follow a strict set of rules about eating and exercising. I have been in hell, I don’t need those things to keep me safe or give me order in this world that makes no sense. Anything can happen in any second so why waste my life fearing it. I’ve always had problems with myself, medication faded those feelings but never healed them since I could not access the events and feelings in my mind which led to certain kind of behaviour. Now I’ve worked those things by myself. I was in therapy for awhile but I didn’t want to continue it because I knew I have the tools and answers in myself and I want to go through this on my own, no therapist can help me since nobody knows me better than myself. 

 

My body and mind went to ruins in withdrawal process. I may have trauma that will never heal, but now I am more merciful towards myself. I like who I am as a person. I don’t need to be fit to like myself. I still have 10kg extra weight that came from withdrawal, but I’ve always been too skinny so who cares. I don’t let little things get to me anymore, I don’t let pressure from outside get to me anymore. I have no need to ”be something” to get respect from others. I survived this hell so I have nothing to prove to anyone because I proved myself  everything I ever wanted. All  I ever maybe wanted was that I would accept myself and have the courage to be myself and now I’ve done it.

Congratulations I'm happy for you, you poor thing having to go through all this withdrawals for four to five years, you're very strong woman

  • 13th of August 2019 started to take 20 mg citalopram
  • 😀24th of August 2019 down to 10mg stopped citalopram altogether on the 30th of August 2019
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Short term citalopram

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you for sharing your hopeful story.

5/1999 to 6/7/2002 Celexa (Citalopram) 30 mg  3 years 1 month.  6/7/2002 to 6/26/2002 switch from Celexa to Zoloft then wean off.  8/2014 start Venlafaxine 225 mg.

Other Pharmaceuticals per day:  None

Vitamins per day:  C 2,000 mg; D3 1.25 mg; Probiotic 218 mg; Fish Oil 1,600 mg; Magnesium Glycinate 240 mg; CoQ10 100 mg; Saw Palmetto 320 mg;

Start Taper: 225 mg to 55 mg; June 5, 2018 to June 15, 2019

49 mg July 16, 2019; 44 mg August  13, 2019; 49 mg (up 11%) Aug. 26, 2019: 44 mg Sept. 10, 2019; 40 mg Oct. 8, 2019;  37.5 mg (6%) Nov. 6, 2019; 49.5 mg (up 32%) Nov 18, 2019; 44.5 mg Dec. 30, 2019; 40 mg Jan. 27, 2020; 36 mg Feb. 24, 2020; 32.5 mg March 23, 2020; 29.2 mg April 20, 2020; 26.3 mg May 18, 2020; 23.7 mg June 15, 2020; 21.3 mg July 6, 2020; 19.2 mg Aug. 4, 2020; 17.3 mg Sept. 1, 2020; 15.5 mg Sept. 29, 2020; 14.0 mg Oct. 27, 2020; 12.6 mg Nov. 24, 2020; 11.3 mg Dec. 15, 2020; 10.2 mg Jan. 5, 2021; 9.2 mg Feb. 2, 2021; 8.3 mg March 9, 2021; 7.4 mg April 6, 2021; 6.7 mg 5/4/2021; 6.0 mg 6/01/2021; 5.4 mg 7/13/2021; 4.9 mg 8/10/2021; 4.4 mg 9/9/2021;

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  • 3 months later...

Hi everyone! Almost 3 years since I took my last pill. In last August I started to work as a substitute teacher and it was a really good way to rehabilitate my brains. I am still doing my undergraduate studies and I have regained my strenght now so much that I bicycle about 100km every week and I also do a little bit of riding. I feel emotionally stable and I feel secure and confident in my life now. Everyone has hope and you will get through this.

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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  • Mentor
2 minutes ago, Kiaza said:

Hi everyone! Almost 3 years since I took my last pill. In last August I started to work as a substitute teacher and it was a really good way to rehabilitate my brains. I am still doing my undergraduate studies and I have regained my strenght now so much that I bicycle about 100km every week and I also do a little bit of riding. I feel emotionally stable and I feel secure and confident in my life now. Everyone has hope and you will get through this.

It’s so nice to read stories of people that have healed.

 

 I’m so happy for you. Sounds like you’re doing wonderful!

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal and Prilosec from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Calcium

 Xanax 1mg three times a day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) three times a day to .003 grams three times a day.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

 

 

I am not a medical professional. The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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  • Mentor
Cocopuffz17
On 6/14/2020 at 7:01 AM, Kiaza said:

Hi everyone! Almost 3 years since I took my last pill. In last August I started to work as a substitute teacher and it was a really good way to rehabilitate my brains. I am still doing my undergraduate studies and I have regained my strenght now so much that I bicycle about 100km every week and I also do a little bit of riding. I feel emotionally stable and I feel secure and confident in my life now. Everyone has hope and you will get through this.

 

Congrats!! for being off it for 3 years! That is amazing to hear! I am so happy it brings a smile to my face :)

I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

2021 - Feb. 12 - 24 months off paroxetine. I have minor challenges now. Tinnitus/Headaches are still around but are reduced by a massive amount. 

 

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On 8/2/2019 at 1:38 AM, Kiaza said:

. I don’t let little things get to me anymore, I don’t let pressure from outside get to me anymore. I have no need to ”be something” to get respect from others. I survived this hell so I have nothing to prove to anyone because I proved myself  everything I ever wanted. All  I ever maybe wanted was that I would accept myself and have the courage to be myself and now I’ve done it.

 

 

congratulations on your recovery Kiaza!!

 

your last paragraph perfectly  echoes the way that I feel now.

I just realized a day ago, in fact, that I no longer feel the need to anything but who I am, and it's been so liberating

 

I feel the same about the hell I went thru, my goodness that we can survive that just shows how strong and magnificent we really are

 

Good for you!! 

 

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Aug 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator

What a wonderful success story!  It gives me hope for my own healing. 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 '02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07 

Benadryl 50 mg, Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 2.5 mg

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  • 7 months later...

Hi everybody!

 

I have moved on in my life and rarely if ever come back here again. This community helped me very much and I am in debt to you all. However as I have moved on, I really want to put this chapter of my life behind me. I don't know how to delete my account and this is the last post from me on this site. I have decided to continue my life without participating on this site and community. I feel that for my own sake it is better if I forget this chapter completely and continue living the life I have built over the last few years. I am sorry but I am not going to answer to any inquiries about my withdrawal, it is all in the past for me. I express my deepest gratitude to those people who helped me here, and I wish all the best in the world to anyone fighting this fight right now. Au revoir!

 

Sincerely,

Kiaza

Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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manymoretodays
1 hour ago, Kiaza said:

Hi everybody!

 

I have moved on in my life and rarely if ever come back here again. This community helped me very much and I am in debt to you all. However as I have moved on, I really want to put this chapter of my life behind me. I don't know how to delete my account and this is the last post from me on this site. I have decided to continue my life without participating on this site and community. I feel that for my own sake it is better if I forget this chapter completely and continue living the life I have built over the last few years. I am sorry but I am not going to answer to any inquiries about my withdrawal, it is all in the past for me. I express my deepest gratitude to those people who helped me here, and I wish all the best in the world to anyone fighting this fight right now. Au revoir!

 

Sincerely,

Kiaza

 

Hi Kiaza, 

And congrats.  So glad you are doing so well.

Here's what we've got on closing or deleting ones' account.  Basically you just stop posting, and if you do have notifications from the site set, up, then go into your Account Settings> notification settings and you can shut those off as well.
If you wish to close or delete your account

All our best, in your continued life journey.  And many thanks for your participation here.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

moderator manymoretodays(mmt)

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. 

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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My warm congratulations, I wish you a happy life away from the damn medicines that destroy people and families

starting date: Seroxat 20 mg :1/1/2019 

Discontinuation date: 1/4/2019  

(Cold turkey)

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  • 1 month later...
Phoenixmama

love this story 

 

 

started celexa 10mg feb 2nd 

feb 25th took my last 10g

feb 26th took 5mg

feb 27th took 5mg 

feb 28th cold turkey 

currently taking mag

 

 

 

 

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  • 3 months later...

Hi Kiaza, thanks so much for coming back and writing this story. You've been through hell and back, and I'm so glad to hear you've healed and can move on with life. Wishing you nothing but good fortune and health for the future. You deserve it! 

October 2018: Started 50mg of Zoloft
January 2019 (around 10-12 weeks later): Reduced to 25mg of Zoloft.
February 2019: reduced to 25mg every other day
End of Feb 2019-End of March/Start of April (around 6 weeks or so) 25mg twice a week.

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