Jump to content
Kiaza

Kiaza 10 years of Citalopram and now healed

Recommended Posts

Kiaza

Here’s a link to my story 

 

Hello! I have a success story. After 4-5 years of hell I am now normal and healed. My withdrawal ended up in psychosis and suicide attempts due to way too quick tapering of citalopram. Don’t ever do a cold turkey or taper too quickly.

 

I can’t really remember what has happened during these past years since they were full of terror, paranoia, anxiety, insomnia, vomiting, stomach problems etc. I just want to forget it all and hopefully live a good , healthy life for the rest of my life.

 

Maybe the worst symptom was insomnia since it makes all other symptoms feel much more worse. My insomnia lasted for three years. Sometimes I was so tired that i wanted to die because it felt like the only option that would give me rest. Now I sleep 6-8 hours every night and my sleep cycle is normal. I go to bed 10pm and wake up 7-8am. 

 

This summer has been a big turning point. Getting better started about a year ago and I’ve steadily become better. I’ve been studying again and I also had a summer job. I can cycle 20km trips so my physique is now much better than it was when all I could do was to lay in bed for two years.

 

My bodily functions are now normal. My stomach works fine and I guess getting my tummy to work normally is the reason why I feel so much better. All health comes from the gut. Periods are normal. My hormones were messed up for years but now endocrine system works. I had really bad period cramps and pains during withdrawal but now it’s all back to normal.

 

I had really bad repetitive thoughts and thinking and total lack of feeling safe. For 2-3 years I went on and on about how I should have just eaten healthy, exercised and quit my medication slower. I’ve always had issues with safety, but medication kept those feelings away. I did a lot of mental work to get rid of my obsessive thinking. I have always controlled my eating, it has given me a feeling that I’m in control of my self. During withdrawal I had no control over me, my emotions swept me out of balance and I couldn’t control my behaviour. I also lost the ability to control my eating since I got very bad cravings. I ate 3 bags of candy per week, pizza, hamburgers, what ever. Not very wise if you want your body to get better and heal but every cell inside of you is yelling for carbs and fat. So fat and carbs I ate.

 

During last 6 months I have started to eat normal. Maybe I would have been healed a long time ago if I had eaten properly but somehow I needed a slow transition back to normal. I also didn’t want to start obsessing about health, fitness and food so I gave myself time to get adjusted to maybe a more healthy way of thinking. I can eat  whatever I want (but in moderation), my life is not ruined forever if I don’t follow a strict set of rules about eating and exercising. I have been in hell, I don’t need those things to keep me safe or give me order in this world that makes no sense. Anything can happen in any second so why waste my life fearing it. I’ve always had problems with myself, medication faded those feelings but never healed them since I could not access the events and feelings in my mind which led to certain kind of behaviour. Now I’ve worked those things by myself. I was in therapy for awhile but I didn’t want to continue it because I knew I have the tools and answers in myself and I want to go through this on my own, no therapist can help me since nobody knows me better than myself. 

 

My body and mind went to ruins in withdrawal process. I may have trauma that will never heal, but now I am more merciful towards myself. I like who I am as a person. I don’t need to be fit to like myself. I still have 10kg extra weight that came from withdrawal, but I’ve always been too skinny so who cares. I don’t let little things get to me anymore, I don’t let pressure from outside get to me anymore. I have no need to ”be something” to get respect from others. I survived this hell so I have nothing to prove to anyone because I proved myself  everything I ever wanted. All  I ever maybe wanted was that I would accept myself and have the courage to be myself and now I’ve done it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
withhopeinmyheart

Congratulations! A wonderful success! You are so right. A lot of what we think is important just fades away while we are forced to survive this hell. 

 

Thank you for sharing your healing success. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hibari

Thank you for sharing your success story and so glad you are feeling well.  

 

I'm glad you are sleeping and that your stomach is fine. Those are two *** areas for me besides the fear of ever being med free and healed. 

 

You have survived and you're right, after that, nothing else has to be proven. 

 

Well done.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
readyfortheworld

Congrats on recovery! What hobbies/activities helped you during withdrawal? Were you able to work during withdrawal?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kiaza
On 8/3/2019 at 2:50 AM, readyfortheworld said:

Congrats on recovery! What hobbies/activities helped you during withdrawal? Were you able to work during withdrawal?

 

I was a complete vegetable so I could only work like one month at a time and then rest for a few months. I’ve been out of work life for 4 years except I was working this summer and now I hope I will get a teaching job for this autumn. 

 

Walking is maybe the best way to exercise during withdrawal. It soothes the nervous system and also heals the brain. I walked a lot. I tried yoga and pilates but I just immediately got this mentality that I need to do this really well and throw myself into it so I quit. I’ve had problems with over doing stuff since I am a perfectionist and I wanted to get rid of that,  so everytime when I get obsessive about being really good and perfect at something, I stop. It’s not healthy to push yourself to the edge over an obsession.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kiaza

I had PSSD for maybe 4-5 years? I don’t anymore. Last night I had the best sex I’ve ever had in my life and sensation was back to normal. I guess time and practice does wonders.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
shawny

@Kiaza u had any visual disturbances ? 

 

U had floaters or tinnitus ? 

Did that go away too 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kiaza

@shawnyYou sent me a personal message earlier and I already answered that question. I did and it went away.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
shawny

Sure tanx ,

 

i must have forgotten :) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
voyteck

Thank you so much sharing!

Though I had already read some successful stories, when I managed to reach 1-year point of being my poison-free I really felt it's impossible to cure after such long time. It's been hell and in one respect (GI issues) I am even worse than year ago.

I have some hope again!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kiaza

@voyteck you have lots of hope. I was in really bad shape a year ago and it felt like it will never get better but it did. Just keep hanging there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Elyssa143

@Kiaza I wrote you a message :) I can post here too. I was wondering if you had the intrusive si, hopelessness/dread in your chest, depression or chemical feelings of wanting to die. ? Im 17 month's in and definitely improving but still having very tough times. I look forward to hearing back!!! :) thank you, glad your doing well!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
potions

Hey Kiaza, I'm glad to hear you're healed now. I'm wondering if anhedonia was one of your symptoms during withdrawal? And also, you mentioned you had PSSD. Do you mind sharing your symptoms that are gone now? Did you have genital numbness? And what was your pattern of recovery from PSSD/anhedonia? Thanks, and happy to hear about your recovery

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...