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Nelly

Unhealthy relationships

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Nelly

Whilst working through getting off AD, and making so many changes in my life, so that I can have a better life, I now need to move on from negative, unkind individuals. Whilst being drawn to these types of people, and being part of a dis functional family,  my feelings of hurt, rejection and sadness will always be there, and possibly hinder my progress. I don’t want to risk this happening. 

I have always it seems, to have formed relationships with men that are unavailable. Men who reinforce my feelings of insecurity. But I want some company, companionship. 

I just needed to write this down. Perhaps there are others on here with similar feelings and experiences. X

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UnfoldingSky

I can relate to this. My family are very dysfunctional, and I have not had much luck lately with men either.  Went out with a few last year who were pretty bad news...Then i had made what I thought were friends with several men, older than I am, well one of them has just betrayed my trust pretty badly, seems he was just looking to use me.  I am not having much luck here.

 

I hope you are able to find people who will be supportive of you Nelly.  Dealing with withdrawal is hard enough, we don't need the added stress of bad relationships!

 

 

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Lloyd

Sorry to hear you've had a bad run in the past. There are good ones out there that are kind & considerate. Its shameful to see how some people treat each other. Here in Australia domestic violence seems to be a pretty big problem. 

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Nelly
19 hours ago, UnfoldingSky said:

I can relate to this. My family are very dysfunctional, and I have not had much luck lately with men either.  Went out with a few last year who were pretty bad news...Then i had made what I thought were friends with several men, older than I am, well one of them has just betrayed my trust pretty badly, seems he was just looking to use me.  I am not having much luck here.

 

I hope you are able to find people who will be supportive of you Nelly.  Dealing with withdrawal is hard enough, we don't need the added stress of bad relationships!

 

 

Hello

Thank you for your reply. I am sorry that you have also had some bad experience too. Is it that we appear vulnerable? I know I do.  I have made progress and changed the way I respond to these type of people, even family, but I still have more work to do. It is when I feel low that I become needy, which makes sense I suppose. But I am feeling well and need to remind myself of my hard work and progress and not let anyone spoil that. I can change the way I react and this is what I will continue to work on. Do you feel the same? I hope you are doing ok x

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Nelly
14 hours ago, Lloyd said:

Sorry to hear you've had a bad run in the past. There are good ones out there that are kind & considerate. Its shameful to see how some people treat each other. Here in Australia domestic violence seems to be a pretty big problem. 

Hello Lloyd 

thank you for your reply. Yes you are right and I slowly eliminate the people that aren’t good for me. This is difficult with family members, but my responses to them has changed for the better. Of course I still care, but I don’t have to let them get me down. I no longer worry about them so much. 

You know the days when you feel negative ..... and then a good day happens. I keep reminding myself if that. Looking back; a lifetime of negativity by my mother, and the burden and sadness and sense of responsibility that I have felt by trying to help my brother and sister who are both unwell. I now feel like I really am moving in the right direction. For the first time I feel like I have a life or at least I am working on it. I hope you are ok. I see you are down to 6 beads. How are you feeling. Has it got tougher as the dose reduces? 

I cant remember feeling so good as I do today! Possibly a window x

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Lloyd

Hi Nelly, Family is definitely difficult because you often feel like you have a responsibility to them. I managed set some boundaries with my own mother a few months ago. I wasn't comfortable visiting her because the house she is at brings back too many bad memory's and the sights and smells trigger my anxiety really bad. She now visits me instead.  I am on no medication now (i need to update my signature) - i stuck with 6 beads for about 6 weeks and quit June last year. I am struggling at the moment with a number of physical & physiological effects from the withdrawal that is making things difficult. Hoping to make it to 2 years (December this year) & then i'll re-evaluate if i need to go back on.

Glad to hear you are having a good day & a break from it all & i hope it lasts!

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Nelly
17 hours ago, Lloyd said:

Hi Nelly, Family is definitely difficult because you often feel like you have a responsibility to them. I managed set some boundaries with my own mother a few months ago. I wasn't comfortable visiting her because the house she is at brings back too many bad memory's and the sights and smells trigger my anxiety really bad. She now visits me instead.  I am on no medication now (i need to update my signature) - i stuck with 6 beads for about 6 weeks and quit June last year. I am struggling at the moment with a number of physical & physiological effects from the withdrawal that is making things difficult. Hoping to make it to 2 years (December this year) & then i'll re-evaluate if i need to go back on.

Glad to hear you are having a good day & a break from it all & i hope it lasts!

I’m sorry that you are struggling at the moment. To be struggling with WD symptoms after over 12 months is a long time. I hope your symptoms ease soon. X

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Nelly
On 8/8/2019 at 1:37 AM, UnfoldingSky said:

I can relate to this. My family are very dysfunctional, and I have not had much luck lately with men either.  Went out with a few last year who were pretty bad news...Then i had made what I thought were friends with several men, older than I am, well one of them has just betrayed my trust pretty badly, seems he was just looking to use me.  I am not having much luck here.

 

I hope you are able to find people who will be supportive of you Nelly.  Dealing with withdrawal is hard enough, we don't need the added stress of bad relationships!

 

 

Hello

i have just had a telephone conversation with my so called boyfriend, it is more like a casual relationship. He spoke all the time about himself, didn’t even ask how my day was! Said he would come to see me tomorrow afternoon. He will likely leave Sunday. All to suit himself. I can’t help but feel so unimportant. Do you understand? X

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UnfoldingSky
15 minutes ago, Nelly said:

Hello

i have just had a telephone conversation with my so called boyfriend, it is more like a casual relationship. He spoke all the time about himself, didn’t even ask how my day was! Said he would come to see me tomorrow afternoon. He will likely leave Sunday. All to suit himself. I can’t help but feel so unimportant. Do you understand? X

 

I'm sorry Nelly.  I can relate though, very much so!  The men I have been out with lately or were interested in me usually have their own agendas and I often felt like they didn't care about ME particularly, like you could have subbed in some random woman and they'd be fine with her too..or maybe not even notice a switch had occurred (especially over the phone!)

 

One supposed friend of mine, a man way older than me, took a liking to me and kept trying to come on to me.  We would go out as friends, but I didn't have an interest in dating him since he's too old for me.  We got along okay...but I could call him and talk and half the time he'd be kind of spaced out, then he'd tell me he liked listening to my voice but basically wasn't listening to what I had to say!  So he's interested in "me" but at the end of the day he could be talking to anyone....

 

Most of the men who have been interested in me lately also regularly forgot my name--you know it's bad when that happens!  I could forgive men way older than me but there were two guys approached me on the street and asked me out last year well even THEY did that.  One of them was younger than I am!  I could recall their names better and other details of their lives even with a memory problem from the pills!  I would have assumed that men who approached you on the street who were respectful really had some legitimate interest in you, but I guess not...

 

What are you going to do, will you let him come over? 

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Nelly
26 minutes ago, UnfoldingSky said:

 

I'm sorry Nelly.  I can relate though, very much so!  The men I have been out with lately or were interested in me usually have their own agendas and I often felt like they didn't care about ME particularly, like you could have subbed in some random woman and they'd be fine with her too..or maybe not even notice a switch had occurred (especially over the phone!)

 

One supposed friend of mine, a man way older than me, took a liking to me and kept trying to come on to me.  We would go out as friends, but I didn't have an interest in dating him since he's too old for me.  We got along okay...but I could call him and talk and half the time he'd be kind of spaced out, then he'd tell me he liked listening to my voice but basically wasn't listening to what I had to say!  So he's interested in "me" but at the end of the day he could be talking to anyone....

 

Most of the men who have been interested in me lately also regularly forgot my name--you know it's bad when that happens!  I could forgive men way older than me but there were two guys approached me on the street and asked me out last year well even THEY did that.  One of them was younger than I am!  I could recall their names better and other details of their lives even with a memory problem from the pills!  I would have assumed that men who approached you on the street who were respectful really had some legitimate interest in you, but I guess not...

 

What are you going to do, will you let him come over? 

Hi

I’m sorry that you have experienced similar relationships. 

No, I have sent him a message to say I have decided to do something else this weekend. I know what I need to do, I know I deserve better, but it is difficult to move on when you have got close to someone and got used to their company. I like the company and affection but I still want to be treated kindly. I am working on this aspect of my life. I hope we both meet someone who is kind in nature and helps us feel good about ourselves x

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UnfoldingSky

Nelly, It is hard to move on, I understand.  I hope your weekend goes well in spite of him and that you find someone who treats you well too. 

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Nelly
On 8/10/2019 at 7:31 PM, UnfoldingSky said:

Nelly, It is hard to move on, I understand.  I hope your weekend goes well in spite of him and that you find someone who treats you well too. 

Thank you x

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