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Jlkdr

Jlkdr: off Prozac

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Sassenach

Hi Jlkdr

 

Just a quick check in tonight.

 

I hope your senior citizen is ok. They give us so much unconditional love, wish same could be said for people.

You are doing really well and a model member.

When do you leave for your daughters?

 

Sassenach

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Jlkdr

8/14/19

7:30 AM Awake feeling anxious, difficult night with senior dog again, Seem to go back to sleep easily after waking during the night, an improvement. Waiting for vet to call. 

8:00 AM Losartan, krill oil 

11:30 AM Lunch, weather heavy rain 

2:00 PM Vet

3:00 PM Fisher Wallace Stimulator, felt well most of the day after getting up this morning

4:00 PM Snack

10:00 PM Bed time, Fisher Wallace, magnesium, .75 klonopin

A good day, no anxiety through the day. 

 

 

Hi, Sassenach, 

I am leaving for my daughter’s next Tuesday. My senior girl Sophie is being treated for kennel cough. Her chest X-rays came out good. Clear. Whew!

Thank you, jlkdr

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Shep
20 hours ago, Jlkdr said:

Hi, Shep, I can’t say that I felt different when I quit taking additional sleep aid. I am not really sure. I just accepted that I needed to do it. If I felt any discomfort, it was temporary. I can tell my body is adjusting to .75 night time dose of  Klonopin. Just have anxiety upon awakening. And randomly through the day. 

 

 

It sounds like you weren't dependent on the sleep aid, so that's good. I'm glad you came off it after only 10 days. 

 

6 hours ago, Jlkdr said:

A good day, no anxiety through the day. 

 

This is excellent news, Jlkdr. 

 

Even with the stress of having a sick pup, you are still stabilizing. This speaks to nervous system resiliency. 

 

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Sassenach

Hi Jldkr

 

13 hours ago, Jlkdr said:

A good day, no anxiety through the day. 

 

That is great when you have the stress of a sick friend.

Good to hear her chest is clear.

 

Sassenach

 

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Jlkdr

8/15/19

Backslide

3:00 AM Woke up anxious, awake for 3 hrs, researched tree issues, tried to sleep but could not

6:00 AM Up to put dogs out 

6:05 AM Back to bed, feel like I maybe slept?

7:30 AM Up for decaf coffee and bailey’s, krill oil, losartan, exchanged messages with others about senior standard poodle health issues

11:00 AM Out to work in yard

3:00 PM Finished yard, rested, hydrated throughout day with lemon water, stevia and green tea

6:00 PM Dinner

9:30 PM Bedtime, magnesium, .75 klonopin. Fisher Wallace stimulator

 

 

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Shep
7 hours ago, Jlkdr said:

8/15/19

Backslide

3:00 AM Woke up anxious, awake for 3 hrs, researched tree issues, tried to sleep but could not

 

Do you feel this was due to withdrawal or due to your recent stressors such as having a sick dog? I'm just asking because to see if you may have any interdose withdrawal issues at play.  Please keep up with your drug and symptoms journal for a few more days to see if there's a pattern. Hopefully this is just a one-off and you'll go back to sleeping all night. 

 

Please remember to be consistent with the Fisher Wallace stimulator. I noticed you only did that once yesterday. It's hard to be consistent with the drug timings and the stimulator when you go into a wave, but if you can manage to stay with it, you'll feel better in the long run. Your nervous system is fighting for stability and consistency is very helpful for this. 

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Jlkdr

Ok thanks, Shep!

 

It’s pretty normal for me to worry about things obsessively. Usually, when I work through one problem, I find another. I’ve worried like this since I was a child. Right now, because of my age and living situation, I’m worried about moving. I have no plan to move, but I need to get out of this huge house with all the expenses. Logistics with 4 dogs? Overwhelming. I’m here because my aging parents lived down the street, and I became their caretakers. They’re gone. Why am I here?

 

I feel, have always felt, like I’m just on my own with no support system.

 

I have never been really routine unless working. But now, I’m retired, 11years. I tried to go back to work, did for three years, but my lack of stability, anger, and anxiety make that impossible now. I cannot take orders from others. I’ve had two jobs since my mother died, and I just quit when things became too stressful. Before retiring, I worked 35 years in the same place where I was respected and appreciated. Always been very independent. 

 

After retiring, I took care of my elderly mother until her death. And then the cleaning out of her life and estate settling. So sad. I’ve cared for too many until death and after death. Very difficult. I miss my family, especially my mother. So many losses. 

 

I’ve had 4 long term relationships since my husband died in 1991, (I was 38) after a horrific battle with cancer, and they just crumbled. Last one (13 years) ended this past October 2018. Heartbroken. Abused klonopin after breakup. I just cannot stabilize it seems. Drugs have not helped. Or maybe I did not take them properly. I’m just sad. And anxious. Afraid to make any serious moves, to make any decisions, although from others’ perspectives, I’m doing well. I’m worried that I’ll be that same old person who needs drugs to function after I get off the meds. It’s terrifying. And then will I have burned bridges with my doctors? I don’t listen to their recommendations. They want to keep me on meds. I’ve been trying to be drug free for years. But I have always been sad and depressed and anxious. I’m confused. 

 

I’ll try to do things more consistently. I’ll make sure to use the Fisher Wallace twice a day. My upcoming trip will be anything but routine. I’m afraid to fly without klonopin. Afraid to leave my dogs. But I do want to see my daughter. I miss her every day. 

 

Sorry for this long tirade. Just feeling so sad. Feeling sorry for myself. I cry every day before I can pull myself together and function. I’m a mess. Truly. 

 

Thank you for all of your help!

Jlkdr

 

 

 

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Sassenach

Hi Jlkdr

3 hours ago, Jlkdr said:

Sorry for this long tirade. Just feeling so sad. Feeling sorry for myself. I cry every day before I can pull myself together and function. I’m a mess. Truly. 

 

No you are not.

Your body has been through hell and is taking time to recover but you are doing so well.

4 hours ago, Jlkdr said:

And then will I have burned bridges with my doctors? I don’t listen to their recommendations. They want to keep me on meds. I’ve been trying to be drug free for years.

Your doctors work for you, not the other way round and they have a duty of care.

We all know they do not understand withdrawal so they are last ones you should concern yourself with.

4 hours ago, Jlkdr said:

Afraid to leave my dogs

But we both know how resilient they are, think of the fuss when you get back not the moment you leave.

4 hours ago, Jlkdr said:

But I do want to see my daughter.

Of course you do and it will be great. Try a little anticipation rather than trepidation.

We all need to vent sometimes, get it off our chest, all part of the service.

You are doing great, give yourself credit

 

Sassenach

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Jlkdr

Oh Sassenach, you are so wonderful! All of that is what I needed to know!! It gives me so much courage. I am going to do this!! I appreciate you and Shep so much!! Thank you, thank you! Jlkdr 

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Sassenach

You are so welcome, brave lady🤗

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Ryder
Quote

I have been off of Prozac for a few months. On it, even at increased doses, it just seemed not to work for me anymore. I felt flat and disconnected, and I did disconnect from people as a result. I felt suicidal. I don’t know if that was related to the Prozac, but I could not see that it was making me feel better, although it did when I was younger. Now I still feel disconnected, but I also feel angry. Very angry and irritable. Anyone experience this?? I am tapering off of Klonopin now as well. Thanks for any help. 

 

Time to give yourself a break. SSRI's supress your emotions so everythings coming gushing out. That's to be expected. It's hard to let it all come up, but reflecting back to last year when i was pulled off of Zoloft in hospital, i can remember thinking that atleast i could cry because it had been a while (years even) that i had whilst taking AD's. I think i ended up happy that i was atleast human. I felt some emotion, and to be able to cry and whatnot.

 

Also, I used to take Klonopin on the plane too couldn't fly on anything less than 4mg-6mg during that time. From what i remember, i needed it as i knew i wouldn't sleep either at the time. I didn't feel guilty bc i knew at one point in the future i would come down off it.

 

 

 

 

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Jlkdr

Thank you, Ryder. That’s good to know. I do find myself crying so much, but I believe it’s all the suppressed grief. Your post helps me believe that. Very encouraging! What do you do to fly?? Do you take anything, or have you learned to fly without klonopin. Jlkdr

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Shep
9 hours ago, Jlkdr said:

It’s pretty normal for me to worry about things obsessively. Usually, when I work through one problem, I find another. I’ve worried like this since I was a child. Right now, because of my age and living situation, I’m worried about moving. I have no plan to move, but I need to get out of this huge house with all the expenses. Logistics with 4 dogs? Overwhelming. I’m here because my aging parents lived down the street, and I became their caretakers. They’re gone. Why am I here?

 

This is true of many of us who end up on psych drugs, so it's time to learn some non-drug coping skills so you'll be able to come off these drugs and live your life drug free.

 

Guided meditations that train your brain to detach from these kinds of thoughts are really good. Here is an example, but you can find many of these on YouTube. You may want to set up a playlist so you have them ready and waiting should you go into catastrophic thinking.

 

Guided Meditation Deep sleep | anxiety and insomnia relief | relaxation before bedtime video (21 minutes)

 

If you can learn to detach from your thoughts, to let them pass by like clouds in the sky or ignore them as if they are noisy neighbors and what they're saying is none of your business, you'll start to feel a sense of lightness of being. After all, exactly what good are these thoughts? They are heavy baggage and it's good to put them down and walk freely. 

 

Here are some helpful links to teach you how to do this:

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

 

Withdrawal causing intrusive or repetitive thoughts, rumination, and increased panic?

 

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

 

If all else fails, find some way of distracting yourself. Here are some ideas:

 

"Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms

 

Gratitude journals are also a great way of changing your thought patterns from worry to the good things that you are grateful for. 

 

Acceptance is another key part of this process. In fact, without acceptance, I'm not sure you can ever learn to let go of anxious thoughts. The process of acceptance is the process of letting go and not fighting. Just accepting that this is the way it is for now. And that's okay. 

 

Acceptance

 

By doing this every day, you train your brain and these skills become automatic. Not having to carry around a head full of worries is a beautiful thing. 

 

9 hours ago, Jlkdr said:

I feel, have always felt, like I’m just on my own with no support system.

 

This website is a great support system. You may want to visit other members' threads and see if there are people you have things in common with. And there are various other kinds of threads that you may like to read and post on.

 

Relationships and social life

 

Finding Meaning

 

There's at least one pet section in the Off Topic area you may want to check out, along with many other interesting topics to explore. 

 

Off Topic

 

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Jlkdr

Thank you, Ryder. That’s good to know. I do find myself crying so much, but I believe it’s all the suppressed grief. Your post helps me believe that. Very encouraging! What do you do to fly?? Do you take anything, or have you learned to fly without klonopin. Jlkdr

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Jlkdr

8/16/19

I have so much reading of good stuff to do. Thank you, Shep! I’ll read when I go to bed. I seem to have lost the schedule I put in today. But my day started at 5 AM in preparation for my trip. I’m trying to get my dog into their sitter’s routine. I believe I slept last night. 

 

I can’t remember times anymore, but I had a routine day. It started off badly. Lots of anxiety, which seems normal for me upon awakening these days. I used the Fisher Wallace and took losartan and krill oil. I worked in the house and outside. I clipped and bathed dogs. Had dinner at 6 PM. I’m going to bed shortly at 10:00PM and will use Fisher Wallace and take .75 klonopin. 

 

I’m very grateful for so many things. I’m especially grateful for the folks on this site who are helping me. Sassenach, Shep. I’m still not too familiar with how things work here. I need to explore a bit. 

 

I do use meditations or binaural music on YouTube to go to sleep, unless something else on YouTube grabs my attention, like RV living or the report of someone’s NDE. 😊 I have many favorites saved so I can find them easily. I do appreciate the new meditation Shep shared. I have not used that one. I’ll listen tonight. 

 

Thank you all for everything you do!! I appreciate you!❤️ Sorry about losing my  schedule. I’ll save others in Notes on my phone from now on. Jlkdr

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Jlkdr

8/17/19

Slept through night 

5:00 AM Up with dogs, feeling anxious on wakening, decaf coffee, reading, Fisher Wallace 

8:00 AM Walked dog at park, calming

9:15 AM Home again, losartan, krill oil 

10:30 PM Beagle to vet for routine allergy injection

11:30 AM Home, feeling lightly anxious and bored, visiting friend 

3:00 PM Dinner out

4:30 PM Watched movies, bored, anxious

8:25 PM Ibuprofen for lower back muscle pain

9:30 PM Bed, Fisher Wallace, 400 mg magnesium glycinate, .75 klonopin, listened to youtube to go to sleep

 

 

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Jlkdr

I am flying out to go visit my daughter. Any ideas for calming anxiety on flight? I usually take extra klonopin up to 3 mg. This will be my first time flying without. Jlkdr

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Shep

8-Minute Fear of Flying Guided Meditation and Talk Down with Michelle video (8 minutes)

 

From the description of the video: 

 

A fear of flying is quite common. It comes with the fear of not being in total control. The challenge of surrendering. This 8-minute meditation may be best with repetitive listening and make flying a better and more manageable experience.

 

Even if you need a "rescue dose" of Klonopin, it's not the end of the world, only a reminder that you still have some work to do. And that's part of the process of coming off psychiatric drugs. 

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Jlkdr

Thank you so much, Shep!❤️ Very helpful!! I already feel my anxiety waning. I’ll start the meditation today. I can listen on flight as well!

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Sassenach

Hi Jldkr

 

Have a really great time, watch the video, close your eyes and imagine your daughter's delight in seeing a relaxed you.🤗

 

Sassenach

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Jlkdr

Thank you so much!! Will do!❤️

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Jlkdr

 8/18/19

6:30 AM Up for coffee, losartan, krill oil

8:30 AM Repaired gutter leaks

9:00 AM Made preps in home to leave dogs, changed out area rugs etc, feeling bad, angry, short tempered, impatient, sad, crying

1:30 PM Feel debilitated, cannot describe this feeling, canceled book study group, daughter brought me lunch. I miss this daughter who lives here. She’s currently commuting to work out of town for a limited time. 

3:00 PM Meditation, rest, reading surviving antidepressants.com forum posts about spiraling emotions. Recognized akathisia and morning dread. Recalled akathisia is what started my venture into heavy-duty psych drugs. It was the result of rebound effect of the Xanax I purchased online in 2004/2005. After reading the information on how long the process of tapering and feeling better will take, I’ve  decided I will be dead before I feel alive again. I think I need to stop reading and look for YouTubes on meditation and brain healing. 

6:30 PM Made it to bed already, feeling better

9:00 PM Fisher Wallace, 400 mg magnesium, .75 mg klonopin, listening to brain healing binaural music for sleep 

 

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Sassenach

Hi Jlkdr

 

Can you repair my gutters please, helpless male.:rolleyes:

Have a great time.

 

Sassenach

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Jlkdr

Hahahahaha! Sassenach! You certainly could have done what I did. Just a little caulk and some Flex Seal. But climbing on that really tall ladder was very scary!! 😎🤣 Lol! You made my day! Jlkdr

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Jlkdr

8/19/19

5:00 AM Slept well, feel calm, listened to brain healing music through night. Fed dogs, coffee, krill oil, losartan, allergy med Zyrtec, confident my brain will heal 

8:00 AM Packed and dressed, missing my dogs and daughter before I leave, read more forum info. 

11:00 AM Therapy appt, shopping, banking etc, feel well. 

2:00 PM Lunch, rested, doing nothing today. 

7:45 PM In bed, feel calm, Fisher Wallace, 400 mg magnesium, .75 klonopin, listening to fear of flying meditation, brain healing music to sleep, will wake at 3:00 AM. 

 

Waking early around 5 AM diminishes waking anxiety. I can nap later if needed. Going to plan early morning regimen for return from Maryland: walk dog, work out, routine daily tasks. 

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Sassenach

Wow.

Hope it continues.

I live in a bungalow i.e. a single story house.

It takes me twice as long to work on my gutters as it does on a two story house¿?????????????????????????????????????????????¿????? I have to dig a hole to put the ladder in 😰

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Jlkdr

Sassenach, that’s a very good safety precaution! Good job! 😊

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Jlkdr

Very good day 8/20/2019

3:15 AM Up for day, no morning Fisher Wallace routine or meds

3:40 AM Left for airport

6:00 AM Calm, no anxiety for flight, enjoyed flight

11:30 AM Arrived in Baltimore, met daughter and son-in-law, drove to Ocean City, Maryland

2:00 PM Arrived in Ocean City

4:00 PM Dinner

6:00 PM Stopped at store, then home, movies

?11:00 PM Bed, Fisher Wallace, 400 mg magnesium, .75 klonopin, feel good, fun day

 

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Sassenach

Enjoyed the flight, brilliant I am so happy for you,

Have a great time.

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Jlkdr

Thank you, Sass!

On my mind...

I read a book years ago, Warning: Psychiatry Can Be Hazardous to Your Mental Health by William Glasser, M.D. It’s been a long time since I read it, but Dr. Glasser asserts that all mental illness diagnoses have at the root unhappiness. Unhappy people. I thought it was an oversimplification when I read it. But I have wondered. 

 

I feel very happy here visiting my daughter 1200 miles from home. My symptoms are much reduced. I have been unhappy much of my life. Difficult situations. So many negative thoughts I have dwelled upon. But when life has been good and my mind is occupied with good thoughts, I feel good. When I’m connected with people I love, really feel connected, I feel good.

 

I am doing better with the tapering. I know I am stabilizing on the dose I’ve been taking. I am able to sleep. I wake, I go back to sleep. No more panic during the night for days it seems. So I am hopeful. I had some difficulty with a loved one that made me feel so bad a couple of days...with a daughter whom I adore. But I quickly recovered as we worked out the problem. 

 

Regardless, I am grateful for what I see as progress. Thank you to this forum for the support. It’s been a lifeline for me.

 ❤️

jlkdr

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Sassenach
2 hours ago, Jlkdr said:

But I quickly recovered as we worked out the problem.

That is a sign of someone who has confidence in herself.

Really busy.

Enjoy.

More time tomorrow🤞

 

Sass

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Jlkdr

 I am continuing routine for meds etc, sleeping well. Still waking with what I call mild anxiety. I wonder if that will ever leave. 

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Sassenach

Hello jld KR

Hope hope you are still enjoying your holiday.

Sassenach sassenach

 

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Jlkdr

 Hi, Sass, still enjoying my time here. Weather is beautiful. Beach is a couple of blocks away. I am having restful nights, listening to YouTube, usual morning anxiety. When I get up and get moving, anxiety goes away. I work on intrusive thoughts. Try to switch off by distracting to more pleasant thoughts or thought stopping. Generally, I feel I’m doing well, considering. That might have a lot to do with my daughter and son-in-law being here. It’s wonderful spending time with them. I do worry about next step in tapering, but holding steady here for now. 

 

Thank you for checking. Hope you’re well! J

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Sassenach

Hi Jlkdr

 

It sounds idylic, I envy you😈, going to sulk now.

4 hours ago, Jlkdr said:

When I get up and get moving, anxiety goes away.

Do you feel as though you want to get up but don't want to at the same time?

You are doing well so, forget tapering for now and enjoy.

You know we will be here to help.

 

Sass

 

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Jlkdr

Hi, Sass, in reference to your question, I do feel like I want to get up but would like to be able to feel settled in bed. That’s not the case, however, so getting up is good. I would like to go down to .5 when I get home. Is that too much? I’ll be home Friday. I see the Ashton Manual mixes clonazepam with Valium. I don’t think my dr will go for that. Thank you! J

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