HopeFloats: Prozac, amino acids, withdrawals – reinstating Prozac

[Sassenach]

Hello Hope

 

I did not see you as a glass half empty person.

2 hours ago, HopeFloats said:

am going back and forth right now. I’m some ways, I feel I have improved. In other ways, I feel I am staying the same or regressing. My sleep improved for a couple of nights. Even last night may count as an improvement as I think I got 6 hours sleep.

 

If you look back over your recent diaries there has been steady and almost linear improvement which is rare.

One of the best ways of achieving stabilisation is a positive attitude.

It is just under the surface so let's see it.

@mdwstrx is a good friend to you but how did you come up with name, a nightmare for mods🤣

I am sure @Shepwill be along to assess further tapering in due course.

 

Lets have a smile😄

 

SASS

[HopeFloats]

5 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

Hello Hope

 

I did not see you as a glass half empty person.

If you look back over your recent diaries there has been steady and almost linear improvement which is rare.

One of the best ways of achieving stabilisation is a positive attitude.

It is just under the surface so let's see it.

@mdwstrx is a good friend to you but how did you come up with name, a nightmare for mods🤣

I am sure @Shepwill be along to assess further tapering in due course.

 

Lets have a smile😄

 

SASS

Hi Sass,

 

Thank you - I needed a reminder about staying positive. You did make me smile. I don’t know where I would be without you, Mdwstrx, Shep and everyone else.

 

HopeFloats

[mdwstrx]

41 minutes ago, HopeFloats said:

Are you tapering on a weekly basis in order to meet a certain monthly goal? I’m glad things are going smoothly for you. Wow, at 5mg, you have several years left of tapering? 

 

The  'BrassMonkey' Slide tapering method was invented and used by one of the mods.

It breaks the 10% taper down to 4 more manageable weekly tapers of 2.5% followed by a 2 week hold.

It seems easier for me to take a bigger hit the first week of the taper period, followed by 3 consecutive smaller hits.  

 

Yep, at 10% a month, a 5 mg taper is about 3 years so I may have more than that to go.  We shall see.

 

22 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

@mdwstrx is a good friend to you but how did you come up with name, a nightmare for mods🤣

 

@Sassenach

thanks! I had/have some good folks cheering me on too!  It has made a world of difference for me since so few outside the forum get it. 

 

mdwstrx = midwest rocks but md is good too!  😉

[Shep]

10 hours ago, HopeFloats said:

9pm - took reduced GABA Calm (3rd day)

 

Please remember to include the dose you are taking. Is this the 3rd day of the 10% reduction?

 

[HopeFloats]

21 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

Please remember to include the dose you are taking. Is this the 3rd day of the 10% reduction?

 

Yes, third day of the 10% reduction. Sorry about that 

[Shep]

10 hours ago, HopeFloats said:

Yes, third day of the 10% reduction. Sorry about that 

 

No worries. Just checking. 

[HopeFloats]

1 hour ago, Shep said:

 

No worries. Just checking. 

How long do I do the 10% reduction? I know I tapered the DLPA more quickly and I reduced every three days. Will I be doing the same thing with the GABA?

[HopeFloats]

9/2: 

12:07am - woke up, went back to sleep

2:04 am - woke up again, went back to sleep

3:42am - woke up again, went back to sleep

4:39am - woke up again but could not fall back to sleep, can feel mild butterflies in stomach

6:23am - got up

6:30am - took 1.25 mg Prozac

7:21am - anxiety slowly increasing, mainly queezy, butterflies in the stomach feeling

11:30am - has had consistent anxiety since 7:21am, 4 or a 5, 

12:30pm - 1:30pm - went to lunch 

2pm - anxiety is under 3 which I like

2:30pm - left for a movie - turned out to be too much for me though, too stimulating and I couldn't enjoy myself,  I was on edge the whole time, won't be going to another movie theatre until I have stabilized 

5pm - got home from the movies, anxiety was ok, I took it easy for the rest of the day, anxiety is lower than it was this morning

7:25pm - anxiety is a 3, feeling heart palpitations

8pm - getting sleepy naturally 

           took 400 mg Magnesium and 25 mg Iron

8:30pm - feeling heart palpitations

9am - took 10% reduced dose of GABA Calm

9:23pm - I am tired and wish I could go to bed but I have the schedule to keep

                anxiety seemed to reduce a bit

9:30pm - took 1000 mg Tryptophan

9:40pm - feeling restless leg in my left leg

9:46pm - feel like I can't sit still, not as relaxed lying on the couch

10pm - went to bed

10:45pm - still haven't fallen asleep

11:43pm - I don't think I have fallen asleep yet

9/3:

2:15am - woke up, went to bathroom, fell back to sleep

4:30am - woke up, went to bathroom, anxiety seemed low, but could not fall back to sleep until close to when my alarm went off at 6am

6:10am - got up

6:30am - took 1.25 mg Prozac

                anxiety is low right now

 

I was so tired around 8pm, I thought for sure I would have a great night's sleep.  I was excited to go to bed even.  But then I couldn't fall asleep.  Ugh.  What is going on?

               

[Shep]

21 hours ago, HopeFloats said:

How long do I do the 10% reduction? I know I tapered the DLPA more quickly and I reduced every three days. Will I be doing the same thing with the GABA?

 

20 hours ago, HopeFloats said:

I was so tired around 8pm, I thought for sure I would have a great night's sleep.  I was excited to go to bed even.  But then I couldn't fall asleep.  Ugh.  What is going on?

 

You may not want to reduce the GABA as quickly as the DLPA, since you are getting upticks in symptoms. 

 

You mentioned feeling heart palpitations at 8:30, prior to your 9 pm GABA dose, so it may be unrelated to the GABA. But when dealing with nervous system dysregulation, when you have upticks in symptoms, it's best to hold everything steady for awhile. 

[HopeFloats]

9/3:

2:15am - woke up, went to bathroom, fell back to sleep

4:30am - woke up, went to bathroom, anxiety seemed low, but could not fall back to sleep until close to when my alarm went off at 6am

6:10am - got up

6:30am - took 1.25 mg Prozac

                anxiety is low right now

8am - got to work, anxiety is 3 or under

9:10am - feeling tired

9:30am - took a walk

10am- had some yogurt

           anxiety is a 3, heart palpitations

12:30pm - anxiety is a 3

                   I was able to join the potluck at work -  last week, I had been planning on skipping it

                   after the potluck, I had energy to run a couple of errands

1pm - anxiety is a 3 or 4 now

3pm - anxiety is down to a 2

4pm - had headache, took Tylenol

4:50pm - back started to hurt

5pm - left work

5:30pm - ate dinner

6:19pm - anxiety is a 4, heart palpitations

6:50pm - anxiety is down to a 3

7pm - I feel really tired

8pm - took 400 mg Magnesium and 25 mg Iron

            still really tired

            anxiety is a 2

9pm - took 22.5 ml of GABA (10% reduction)

9:30pm - took 1000 mg Tryptophan'

9:45p - not as tired as I was

            anxiety is a 1 or 2

10pm - took 1.05 mg time released Melatonin

10:45p - went to bed

9/4:

1:43am - woke up, went to bathroom, have mild butterflies in stomach

2:30 am - have not been able to fall back to sleep since last time I woke up

5:12am -  woke up, went to bathroom, was not able to fall back to sleep

6:15am - got up

6:30am - took 1.25 mg Prozac

 

Either the 9pm dose of GABA wakes me up, or the process of taking it does (I have to stir it up, take it by syringe 3 x's)  Something changes around this hour for me. 

[HopeFloats]

4 hours ago, Shep said:

 

 

You may not want to reduce the GABA as quickly as the DLPA, since you are getting upticks in symptoms. 

 

You mentioned feeling heart palpitations at 8:30, prior to your 9 pm GABA dose, so it may be unrelated to the GABA. But when dealing with nervous system dysregulation, when you have upticks in symptoms, it's best to hold everything steady for awhile. 

 

I am confused because I don’t know whether these are my normal w/d symptoms and unrelated to reducing the GABA or not. 

 

Overall, I think I am improving though. 

 

I had had anxiety while reducing the DLPA too. The anxiety is always there just in different degrees.

 

How long should I hold the current GABA dose? Or could I try to reduce by another 10% just to see what happens?

 

im anxious to get the supplements out of my system so I can see what my baseline is. I’m hoping to be able to increase the Prozac at some point.

[HopeFloats]

5 hours ago, Shep said:

 

 

You may not want to reduce the GABA as quickly as the DLPA, since you are getting upticks in symptoms. 

 

You mentioned feeling heart palpitations at 8:30, prior to your 9 pm GABA dose, so it may be unrelated to the GABA. But when dealing with nervous system dysregulation, when you have upticks in symptoms, it's best to hold everything steady for awhile. 

 

I just thought of something - since the GABA is suppose to be calming - should we go back to the original plan and reduce the Tryptophan first?

[HopeFloats]

Hey Sass,

 

Just checking to see if you are around today. I need a pep talk.

 

HF

[Sassenach]

Hope, you tell me what my pep talk will say, I am serious, not trying to be sarcastic or clever.

 

Sass

[HopeFloats]

4 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

Hope, you tell me what my pep talk will say, I am serious, not trying to be sarcastic or clever.

 

Sass

 

I guess I am confused about whether my anxiety symptoms are increasing or not. And whether it has to do with the decreasing of GABA. See recent posts from earlier today. I had been decreasing the GABA slowly at 10%. It seems that I may be having an increase in symptoms. Part of my thought I was doing better and now I am not so sure any more. I may be wanting too much too soon. 

[Sassenach]

Remind me not to ask you for a pep talk🤣

4 minutes ago, HopeFloats said:

I may be wanting too much too soon.

That would be W/D normal, we all want that.

 

7 hours ago, Shep said:

when you have upticks in symptoms, it's best to hold everything steady for awhile.

Shep is one of the most patient and knowledgeable people on here ( wish I could hide this from her  but I can't,  so please memorise).

 

Wndows and waves still apply, but you are getting better very slowly.

The tortoise wins the W/D race every time.

This a gem of a quote from BrassMonkey.

One thing I did learn was to look for and cherish all the little moments of joy.  They are popping up all the time but are very fleeting and easily overlooked.  When you look at a flower, instead of thinking "darn, I can't enjoy this flower", watch for the momentary little flash of joy that that flower brings when you first see it, and acknowledge it when it happens.  Stop and try to see the beauty in things, even if you don't feel it. "Wow, the sun on those clouds is really pretty, one day soon I will feel it again".  Stop and recognize the joy/wonder in the scene, but let your body react in its own manner.  This exercise will help reestablish the neural pathways and little by little dig out and strengthen the feelings. It is one of the symptoms that is really good to practice AAF on, as there is nothing you can do about it but live with it as best as you can.  Like a bad house guest, ignore it long enough and it will eventually go away.

 

Try and find some good in it Hope, it is there don't let W/D win.

Because you will get better.

 

Pep talk over.

Chin up and let's get on with it.

 

Sass

[HopeFloats]

15 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

Remind me not to ask you for a pep talk🤣

That would be W/D normal, we all want that.

 

Shep is one of the most patient and knowledgeable people on here ( wish I could hide this from her  but I can't,  so please memorise).

 

Wndows and waves still apply, but you are getting better very slowly.

The tortoise wins the W/D race every time.

This a gem of a quote from BrassMonkey.

One thing I did learn was to look for and cherish all the little moments of joy.  They are popping up all the time but are very fleeting and easily overlooked.  When you look at a flower, instead of thinking "darn, I can't enjoy this flower", watch for the momentary little flash of joy that that flower brings when you first see it, and acknowledge it when it happens.  Stop and try to see the beauty in things, even if you don't feel it. "Wow, the sun on those clouds is really pretty, one day soon I will feel it again".  Stop and recognize the joy/wonder in the scene, but let your body react in its own manner.  This exercise will help reestablish the neural pathways and little by little dig out and strengthen the feelings. It is one of the symptoms that is really good to practice AAF on, as there is nothing you can do about it but live with it as best as you can.  Like a bad house guest, ignore it long enough and it will eventually go away.

 

Try and find some good in it Hope, it is there don't let W/D win.

Because you will get better.

 

Pep talk over.

Chin up and let's get on with it.

 

Sass

What does AAF stand for?

 

appreciate the pep talk. Thanks for being there. 🙂

[Sassenach]

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

[Shep]

21 hours ago, HopeFloats said:

How long should I hold the current GABA dose? Or could I try to reduce by another 10% just to see what happens?

 

This post by moderator Brassmonkey may help:

 

Withdrawal Normal

 

Getting to the point of "withdrawal normal" before making another reductio -  be it with a drug or with a supplement - is the goal.

 

18 hours ago, HopeFloats said:

I guess I am confused about whether my anxiety symptoms are increasing or not. And whether it has to do with the decreasing of GABA. See recent posts from earlier today. I had been decreasing the GABA slowly at 10%. It seems that I may be having an increase in symptoms. Part of my thought I was doing better and now I am not so sure any more. I may be wanting too much too soon. 

 

Try to think in terms of "overall" improvement. Are you "overall" able to do more, sleep a bit better, feel less overwhelmed with symptoms?

 

16 hours ago, Sassenach said:

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.

 

Excellent advice.

[HopeFloats]

41 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

This post by moderator Brassmonkey may help:

 

Withdrawal Normal

 

Getting to the point of "withdrawal normal" before making another reductio -  be it with a drug or with a supplement - is the goal.

 

 

Try to think in terms of "overall" improvement. Are you "overall" able to do more, sleep a bit better, feel less overwhelmed with symptoms?

 

 

Excellent advice.

 

Do you think it may be better to try and reduce Tryptophan first? If anxiety is one of my main w/d symptoms, maybe having the GABA which is suppose to be calming might be a good idea to keep that one instead of reducing it. 

 

Maybe the reinstatement of the Prozac along with taking the Tryptophan - which targets serotonin- is too much for my system . 

 

Thoughts? 

[HopeFloats]

Daily Log 9/4:

1:43am - woke up, went to bathroom, have mild butterflies in stomach

2:30 am - have not been able to fall back to sleep since last time I woke up

5:12am -  woke up, went to bathroom, was not able to fall back to sleep

6:15am - got up

6:30am - took 1.25 mg Prozac

7:30am - driving to work, anxiety is a 3 (always seems worse while driving)

8am - anxiety is a 2 

8:50am - feeling flutters or something in my chest, very annoying

9am - went on a walk

9:20am - maybe it is more of a racy feeling in my chest today, not sure how to describe it, like my heart is being charged

12noon - I have felt this racy anxiety feeling all morning since a little before 9am, anxiety is higher today, like a 4 or even a 5

4:45pm - took one last walk, chest is feeling more heavy now, anxiety may be a 3.5 or 4

6pm - anxiety is a 3, thank goodness

6:30pm - had pasta for dinner

7pm - anxiety seems to be increasing again

8pm - took 400 mg Magnesium and 25 mg Iron

9pm - took 22.5 ml GABA

9:30pm - took 1000 mg Tryptophan

10pm - took 1.05 mg time released Melatonin

             not very tired

10:30pm - have RLS in my left leg

10:54pm - going to try and go to bed, still have RLS

9/5:

1am - I have no idea if I feel asleep at all.  I may have. Can feel anxiety.

1:30am - got up and went out to the living room.  Anxiety was too high.

2:23am - anxiety is lessening a little to a 2

3am - went back to bed.  I am assuming I fell asleep for a little bit

4am - went to bathroom

5am - went to bathroom, tossed and turned

5:50am - got up

                anxiety is present, like a 3 or 4 

 

Today was a horrible day - anxiety was up to a 5 during the day, it woke me up at night, had a horrible night's sleep to the point where I do not feel I can accurately gauge even if I fell asleep.

 

I was wondering if it may be a good idea to take the GABA at a different hour?  Maybe taking it earlier in the evening like around 7pm or 8pm would be better?  Could it be that taking it only 1/2 hour before taking the Tryptophan could be making things worse?

 

Also, wondering if maybe we should go back to the original plan and reduce the Tryptophan before reducing the GABA?  My thoughts are since my anxiety is my #1 w/d symptom for me, and since GABA is suppose to be calming for anxiety, maybe I should keep the GABA going instead of reducing it?  It may be providing a buffer for me.

 

Maybe since the reinstatement of the Prozac, and since I take the Tryptophan which also targets Serotonin, maybe that could be a source of problems for me? Although, maybe it is helping in some ways. I am not sure.  I guess I will never know until I try.  

 

Thoughts?

[HopeFloats]

Sass,

 

Am I still healing even though I am still taking amino acids? Or do the amino acids wipe everything out?

 

HF

[mdwstrx]

Hi HF.  Sorry to hear that things were rough yesterday. 

 

Unfortunately, the only way to stabilize is through wd windows and waves. 

I can only speak to my experience but when I compare my notes to yours at about one month into my wd (where you are now), they are very similar.

If I recall correctly, it was the roughest period before I started getting some decent windows that showed I was, in fact, healing.

I doubted it every time a wave hit and it became apparent that I really couldn't see it in a wave.  The mods reassured me, and sure enough,

a window would creep up and I'd be positive again.

 

At one month in (though I didn't know it at the time) I still had several months yet before I stabilized.  We're all different but you will too. 💜  

[HopeFloats]

41 minutes ago, mdwstrx said:

Hi HF.  Sorry to hear that things were rough yesterday. 

 

Unfortunately, the only way to stabilize is through wd windows and waves. 

I can only speak to my experience but when I compare my notes to yours at about one month into my wd (where you are now), they are very similar.

If I recall correctly, it was the roughest period before I started getting some decent windows that showed I was, in fact, healing.

I doubted it every time a wave hit and it became apparent that I really couldn't see it in a wave.  The mods reassured me, and sure enough,

a window would creep up and I'd be positive again.

 

At one month in (though I didn't know it at the time) I still had several months yet before I stabilized.  We're all different but you will too. 💜  

 

Thank you Mdwstrx - I so needed some positive reinforcement today. Both yesterday and now today have been bad days - I am definitely in a wave and feeling helpless.

 

I am trying to keep myself distracted but there is only so much I can do. I know you stabilized 3.5 months out and I am only starting my 6th week if my calculations are correct. So, I have a long way to go, I know.

 

Sometimes, I can’t believe I have made it to where I am at. 

 

Im just praying for a window asap.

 

I so appreciate your support. It means the world to me.

 

HF

[mdwstrx]

Md is fine if too hard to write (per Shep😉). 

 

I remember that feeling of wondering how I got through too.  One of my worst days was at about where you are now. 

Went for a ride with a well-meaning but talkative friend.  Between the lack of sleep, the akathisia, the nausea from the propanolol,

and sensitivity to any noise, I had to have her take me home pronto.  It was too much. 

I really thought I might need to stop at hospital on the way home.  But once I got home, she left and all was quiet again, things settled a bit.

 

The inner restlessness was 24/7 and distracting from it IS so very difficult.  I would be absolutely preoccupied with it trying hard around others to act normal.

To distract, I cleaned my basement out, taking load after load of  25 years of cumulative things to the thrift shop.  (basement looks great now)...

 

I even had to go to court for a minor traffic ticket around this time.  There I sat, in my buzzy, restless, wd self, in a courtroom full of traffic violaters... 

Thankfully, I was called early (out of over a hundred in the room), paid the fine, got court supervision and was out of there.  I wondered if anyone had noticed anything

was wrong with me.  I sure felt like being normal was an act that day.  I worried about going for several days beforehand and was VERY thankful when it was done.

 

But stabilize I did, just as the mods said I would.  Let me reassure you, follow the mods advise, take it easy - practicing all the tools given here and you too will stabilize eventually. 

And...when you do, maybe in time, when it's behind you, you can help someone else.   

[HopeFloats]

17 minutes ago, mdwstrx said:

Md is fine if too hard to write (per Shep😉). 

 

I remember that feeling of wondering how I got through too.  One of my worst days was at about where you are now. 

Went for a ride with a well-meaning but talkative friend.  Between the lack of sleep, the akathisia, the nausea from the propanolol,

and sensitivity to any noise, I had to have her take me home pronto.  It was too much. 

I really thought I might need to stop at hospital on the way home.  But once I got home, she left and all was quiet again, things settled a bit.

 

The inner restlessness was 24/7 and distracting from it IS so very difficult.  I would be absolutely preoccupied with it trying hard around others to act normal.

To distract, I cleaned my basement out, taking load after load of  25 years of cumulative things to the thrift shop.  (basement looks great now)...

 

I even had to go to court for a minor traffic ticket around this time.  There I sat, in my buzzy, restless, wd self, in a courtroom full of traffic violaters... 

Thankfully, I was called early (out of over a hundred in the room), paid the fine, got court supervision and was out of there.  I wondered if anyone had noticed anything

was wrong with me.  I sure felt like being normal was an act that day.  I worried about going for several days beforehand and was VERY thankful when it was done.

 

But stabilize I did, just as the mods said I would.  Let me reassure you, follow the mods advise, take it easy - practicing all the tools given here and you too will stabilize eventually. 

And...when you do, maybe in time, when it's behind you, you can help someone else.   

 

I feel for you being in traffic court during all of this. Something like that only adds fuel to the fire. I have a talkative friend/neighbor that likes to stop by my house on a daily basis. I have decided to not answer my door while I am in the midst of all of this. I feel badly but I don’t have the energy to entertain anyone.

 

How often would you say you had waves and or windows? I feel like everyday is a wave in a way. But I definitely notice the more horrendous waves as I am in right now. This happened to me 8 days prior as well and that wave lasted for two days.

 

Right now, the anxiety is what is getting to me. Insomnia is still there, too,  but the anxiety is more traumatic and devastating to me. Did you differ from anxiety daily or was it a rare symptom for you?

 

I have been on Prozac for so long - over 25 years- that I am worried that I am different and won’t stabilize. That there is something unique about my situation which will prevent me from getting better.

 

In order to stay positive, I re-read old messages that you have sent me. I pray that one day, I will be in your position and can give back to someone else in need. You are so sweet to me and I appreciate you everyday.

[mdwstrx]

1 hour ago, HopeFloats said:

How often would you say you had waves and or windows? I feel like everyday is a wave in a way. But I definitely notice the more horrendous waves as I am in right now. This happened to me 8 days prior as well and that wave lasted for two days.

 

Right now, the anxiety is what is getting to me. Insomnia is still there, too,  but the anxiety is more traumatic and devastating to me. Did you differ from anxiety daily or was it a rare symptom for you?

 

I have been on Prozac for so long - over 25 years- that I am worried that I am different and won’t stabilize. That there is something unique about my situation which will prevent me from getting better.

 

In order to stay positive, I re-read old messages that you have sent me. I pray that one day, I will be in your position and can give back to someone else in need. You are so sweet to me and I appreciate you everyday.

 

Look again at the chart I shared if you want to see a day by day picture of my waves and windows. 

The graph accurately depicts the ebb and flow each day.  When I would have a window, I wasn't without symptoms. 

Just that the symptoms would not be as strong during the windows.  I rated my symptoms on a scale of 1 to 10. 

So the peaks and valley on the chart correspond to the severity on the y axis

 

As for the anxiety, I suspect what you're calling anxiety may be akathisia.  That is why I said in an older post to you,

that I believe it helps to know the difference.  It seems to me that anxiety is helped by the nondrug techniques on the site.

The akathisia is more a sense of inner restless agitation.  It's chemically induced and takes time to go away.

 

About you being on Prozac so long, I started ADs in 1987  (prozac) and was off for a short period. 

I resumed in 1989 and have been on since.  So I have you beat I think.

I bought into the line that I needed them, mistaking wd for original symptoms and that they were safe.

I am successfully tapering off them.  I had reached 2.5 mg when my doctor said it was safe to jump off. (NOT!)

It is when I found this site, thankfully.  

 

I have learned in my wd, that many, many people have been on these meds for a long time.  It is unbelievable how many are on ADs. 

I had no idea.  Believe me, we are not alone sadly, and you are not the exception thankfully. 

 

I continue to pray for you and know that things will get better. 

How can you be Hope Floats with no hope?  Then you would just be Floats!   💜

 

 

[HopeFloats]

32 minutes ago, mdwstrx said:

 

Look again at the chart I shared if you want to see a day by day picture of my waves and windows. 

The graph accurately depicts the ebb and flow each day.  When I would have a window, I wasn't without symptoms. 

Just that the symptoms would not be as strong during the windows.  I rated my symptoms on a scale of 1 to 10. 

So the peaks and valley on the chart correspond to the severity on the y axis

 

As for the anxiety, I suspect what you're calling anxiety may be akathisia.  That is why I said in an older post to you,

that I believe it helps to know the difference.  It seems to me that anxiety is helped by the nondrug techniques on the site.

The akathisia is more a sense of inner restless agitation.  It's chemically induced and takes time to go away.

 

About you being on Prozac so long, I started ADs in 1987  (prozac) and was off for a short period. 

I resumed in 1989 and have been on since.  So I have you beat I think.

I bought into the line that I needed them, mistaking wd for original symptoms and that they were safe.

I am successfully tapering off them.  I had reached 2.5 mg when my doctor said it was safe to jump off. (NOT!)

It is when I found this site, thankfully.  

 

I have learned in my wd, that many, many people have been on these meds for a long time.  It is unbelievable how many are on ADs. 

I had no idea.  Believe me, we are not alone, sadly and you are not the exception, thankfully. 

 

I continue to pray for you and know that things will get better. 

How can you be Hope Floats with no hope?  Then you would just be Floats!   💜

 

 

 

Lol - I guess you are right - I need to add the Hope back to my Floats. 

 

I think i have akathisia as well. But I have the racy heart, fluttering, heart palpitations, tight chest and chest pressure which I think is anxiety. It is the worst. I wouldn’t wish any of this on my worst enemy.

 

Have you read about other people who have been on AD for a long time (like us) and have successfully healed?

 

I need to have faith and believe that this too shall pass, with time. 

[mdwstrx]

yes - here are a few I have found that have successfully come off ADs. 

BrassMonkey

Myndful 

Frogie 

 

There are others still successfully tapering too - Chessiecat, Gridley etc....    

 

And many on here who crashed like we did to go on to stabilize....

Tom37 and I were in acute wd about the same time.  He is doing much. much better.

 

Check out all of their stories for inspiration.  There are others too!

[HopeFloats]

9 minutes ago, mdwstrx said:

yes - here are a few I have found that have successfully come off ADs. 

BrassMonkey

Myndful 

Frogie 

 

There are others still successfully tapering too - Chessiecat, Gridley etc....    

 

And many on here who crashed like we did to go on to stabilize....

Tom37 and I were in acute wd about the same time.  He is doing much. much better.

 

Check out all of their stories for inspiration.  There are others too!

 

💜

[Shep]

23 hours ago, HopeFloats said:

Do you think it may be better to try and reduce Tryptophan first? If anxiety is one of my main w/d symptoms, maybe having the GABA which is suppose to be calming might be a good idea to keep that one instead of reducing it. 

 

Maybe the reinstatement of the Prozac along with taking the Tryptophan - which targets serotonin- is too much for my system . 

 

The thinking behind reducing the GABA was because it looked like you were getting a paradoxical reaction (please see this post here and others on that page where we discussed this issue).

 

The thinking behind reducing the Tryptophan is as you just posted, to reduce the supplement involving serotonin.

 

So it depends on which is causing more problems - the paradoxical reaction or the serotonin reaction.

 

Please do not make any more changes for a few days and let's give this most recent GABA reduction some time to sort itself out.

 

 

[HopeFloats]

37 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

The thinking behind reducing the GABA was because it looked like you were getting a paradoxical reaction (please see this post here and others on that page where we discussed this issue).

 

The thinking behind reducing the Tryptophan is as you just posted, to reduce the supplement involving serotonin.

 

So it depends on which is causing more problems - the paradoxical reaction or the serotonin reaction.

 

Please do not make any more changes for a few days and let's give this most recent GABA reduction some time to sort itself out.

 

 

 

ok, I won't make any changes....I have been in a bad wave...I can tell from the way I woke up this morning, that the wave is going to continue today....this will make day 3 of being in this bad wave....

 

I am not sure if it has anything to do with the GABA reduction or if this wave would have hit me any way....

 

With the increased anxiety though, I can't help but think that I should try and reduce the Tryptophan since the GABA may be buffering my anxiety at least a little...

[HopeFloats]

9/5:

1am - I have no idea if I feel asleep at all.  I may have. Can feel anxiety.

1:30am - got up and went out to the living room.  Anxiety was too high.

2:23am - anxiety is lessening a little to a 2

3am - went back to bed.  I am assuming I fell asleep for a little bit

4am - went to bathroom

5am - went to bathroom, tossed and turned

5:50am - got up

                anxiety is present, like a 3 or 4 

8am - got to work, anxiety is a 4, racy feeling and butterflies

8:30am - took a long walk, anxiety is like a 5

11am - anxiety is a 4

12:30pm - leaving work early for the day because I have an appointment

                  anxiety is a 3.5 or 4 right now

1pm - driving to appointment, anxiety is a 4, starting to feel tired

4:15pm - had a late lunch, early dinner, anxiety is a 4

                all over racy feeling in my chest, arms

4:30pm - 5pm - was very tired, think I fell asleep and then jolted awake, right around 5pm, felt anxiety come over me

                           ended up getting up to feed the dogs

                           to go from a relaxed state where I think I was going to fall asleep to feeling anxious is very uncomfortable

6:30pm  - still feeling anxious, 4, tired and I dont feel like doing anything

7:23pm - anxiety is lessened, 3, mainly butterflies and queezy feeling

7:44pm - butterflies and queezy stomach still present

8pm - took 400 mg Magnesium and 25 mg Iron

           starting to feel more tired

8:16pm - trying to lie on the couch, still have butterflies, feel like I am fidgety, can't get comfortable on the couch, moving around a lot

8:45pm - feel tired but wide awake at the same time, restless and tired at the same time, anxiety is still here (4)

                 tonight is taking me back to the beginning when I was on the DLPA

9pm - took 22.5 ml GABA Calm

9:30pm - took 1000 mg Tryptophan

10pm - starting to get restless leg in left leg

             took time released 1.05 Melatonin

10:30pm - going to bed

11:52am - woke up, feel anxious

9/6:

1:21am - woke up, feel anxious

2:05am - going to sit on the couch and watch tv b/c I cannot fall back to sleep

3am - turning tv off and see if I can sleep

3:51am - woke up, feel anxious

4:55am - woke up, feel anxious

5:30am - woke up, feel anxious, lied on the couch

6am - got up, 

6:30pm - took 1.25 mg Prozac

 

9/5 was the 2nd day of a bad wave.   I can tell that today, 9/6, is also going to be a wave

Anxiety is pretty much constant 24/7 right now and my sleep is horrible, wake up at all hours

[HopeFloats]

9/6:

1:21am - woke up, feel anxious

2:05am - going to sit on the couch and watch tv b/c I cannot fall back to sleep

3am - turning tv off and see if I can sleep

3:51am - woke up, feel anxious

4:55am - woke up, feel anxious

5:30am - woke up, feel anxious, lied on the couch

6am - got up, 

6:30pm - took 1.25 mg Prozac

8am - at work, anxiety is a 5 or higher

12:20pm - anxiety was high all morning for me. I think it may be calming a little to a 3.5 or 4

5pm - leaving work, anxiety is probably a 3.5 or 4

5:47pm - anxiety back up to a 5

                very wide awake, don't want to sit down, somewhat restless feeling

                it reminds me of when I was on the DLPA

7:25pm - starting to feel tired, anxiety is a 3 or 4

8pm - took 400 mg Magnesium and 25 mg Iron

9pm - took reduced 22.5 ml of GABA Calm

           anxiety makes me feel like I am on the edge, the water is simmering but I wouldn't want it to get any higher

            I feel like I am being plugged into a wall and being charged, I feel 

9:30pm - took 1000 mg Tryptophan

9:38pm - think I am feeling a little more relaxed

                  problem is, is it from taking the GABA or from the Tryptophan or both?

                 That is my problem with taking these two supplements only a half hour apart - it is hard to see what each one is doing

10pm - took time released 1.05 mg Melatonin

10:11pm - going to bed

10:55pm - think I feel asleep and just woke up - wow, 44 minutes of sleep!

9/7:

12:10am - woke up

2:52am - just looked at the clock, I am assuming I feel asleep after waking at 12:10am

4:21am - just looked at the clock, I am assuming I feel asleep after waking at 2:52am 

5:47am - feeling anxiety, woke up again

6:15am - got up

6:30am - took 1.25 mg Prozac

                 anxiety is a 3 or 4, probably more 4, I feel like my body is being charged

 

9/6 was the 3rd bad day in a row...I am being reminded of how I felt when I was on the DLPA which was way too stimulating for my system - maybe not as bad - but I am feeling a bit like I used to feel, very confused as to what is going on - is this because of a 10% reduction in GABA or is this a wave that was going to hit me no matter what?  It can be so hard to tell what is causing what

                 

 

[HopeFloats]

On 9/5/2019 at 4:34 PM, HopeFloats said:

 

💜

 

Hi MD- 

 

Not sure if you’re around today but thought I would reach out. Having a hard day - it’s been 3 days in a row with pretty much constant anxiety, terrible sleep, restless leg, edginess etc.

 

I began to look over Tom37 for inspiration and I found that reading about other people’s journeys was tough on me. Everyone is different and we all heal at different. I think I came across one person who took at least 16 months before she had any hope. It is scary to think that it could take me a year or longer to feel normal again. I honestly don’t know how I will do it if I am one of those people.

 

I have been sort of clinging on to your story - feeling normal after 4 months. As long and hard as 4 months of misery is, that seems do able to me. But it may not me my path either. 

 

This whole process is torturous and so unfair that we have to endure this. I know I am feeling sorry for myself right now but I have already had so much pain and loss in my life over the last 5 years, that now having to deal with W/D is just in humane.

 

It is also hard not being able to take anything for the really hard days- where anxiety is w we present and a level 5 or higher. How I wish there was something to help ease the total discomfort. 

 

Sorry to lay lay all of this on you. I just needed to vent and reach out to a friendly voice.

 

How are you doing in your journey right now? Are you in a good place? 

 

HF

[mdwstrx]

43 minutes ago, HopeFloats said:

 

Hi MD- 

 

Not sure if you’re around today but thought I would reach out. Having a hard day - it’s been 3 days in a row with pretty much constant anxiety, terrible sleep, restless leg, edginess etc.

 

I began to look over Tom37 for inspiration and I found that reading about other people’s journeys was tough on me. Everyone is different and we all heal at different. I think I came across one person who took at least 16 months before she had any hope. It is scary to think that it could take me a year or longer to feel normal again. I honestly don’t know how I will do it if I am one of those people.

 

I have been sort of clinging on to your story - feeling normal after 4 months. As long and hard as 4 months of misery is, that seems do able to me. But it may not me my path either. 

 

This whole process is torturous and so unfair that we have to endure this. I know I am feeling sorry for myself right now but I have already had so much pain and loss in my life over the last 5 years, that now having to deal with W/D is just in humane.

 

It is also hard not being able to take anything for the really hard days- where anxiety is w we present and a level 5 or higher. How I wish there was something to help ease the total discomfort. 

 

Sorry to lay lay all of this on you. I just needed to vent and reach out to a friendly voice.

 

How are you doing in your journey right now? Are you in a good place? 

 

HF

Hi HF.

Just happened to have the site up and heard the popup sound... 

My heart goes out to you as I remember how terrible it was.  I don't know if you're a person of faith but let me remind you of this and this.

 

Your walk is different than anyone's here.  It's yours alone.  So while you can read my story and others', know that you will heal when you heal. 

Yes, it's unfair.  I was able to get through it relying solely on my faith first and this website secondly.  Though I had your same concerns... here is what helped me. 

 

I started getting windows... and then I realized that in the waves, as bad as I felt....

I knew it would end,though it didn't feel that way.  I had to use intellect over my emotion during the waves. 

Wd taught me what it must feel like to others who have catastrophic illness/injury.

In w/d, regardless of how long it takes, we do heal.

 

I signed up for Headspace.com and completed 30 sessions of their 'Managing Anxiety' app. 

To me it seemed worth it to pay a month's subscription.  Some of the best $$ I've spent. 

It taught me that our thoughts, feeling and emotions are clouds in the blue sky of our mind. 

Focus on your breath and let the clouds pass as you meditate.  

 

Again, I also listened to Christian ASMR on my Ipad and it calmed me greatly. 

 

It basically gets back to Acknowledge, Accept and Float in your own style, whatever that may be. For me, my style was to accept 100% that Jesus was stronger than wd. 

As is always the case, He carried me through it to the other side. 

 

Find your source of strength HopeFloats.... hold on, listen to the mods and let yourself heal.

💜