☼ xDebbiejo

[xDebbiejo]

16 years on seroxat, 3 years trying to get off, found bob fiddaman and tapered off with liquid which I found not that difficult. My difficulties are now plenty as have not had this demon of a drug in my system for 6 weeks now and am suffering greatly. Dark irrational thoughts, worry about everything and can't see a light at end of tunnel at the moment. I can't eat I have kids that need me, am suffering from anxiety , my GP says its only the withdrawal from the drug and will get better. I actually feel a bit better just writing all this down - how strange, maybe as I might be able to find support on this site.

 

I have had to go back on seroxat (1ml every other day)so I could function

I was taking this amount when I stopped I should have tapererd more slowly maybe a year rather than 3 months and not come off so abruptly. Im still worrying about everything. I have not the support of my partner as he has his own mental health issues from being in the armed forces and is with the army combat stress welfare. We are not living together at present and am having to sell the house due to the fact we have two lots of bill etc.

 

I want to feel happy again and feel Im not being a very good role modle for my two teenage kids and feel they are suffering because of me. I used to be a strong person but now I dont know who I am.

 

I was first put on seroxat for postnatal depression

[Altostrata]

Hello, xDebbiejo. Thank you for joining our community.

 

Don't blame yourself for tapering too fast, or for going back on a bit of Seroxat. Few doctors know how to gradually taper people off these drugs.

 

You did the right thing by taking a little Seroxat again. But -- please take your 1mg every day! Taking it every other day causes the level of the drug to go up and down in your body.

 

To give your nervous system a smooth ride, please take your medication every day, and at the same time every day if you can.

 

Did 1mg alleviate your withdrawal symptoms?

[Nikki]

Hi Debbiejo...

 

So sorry for your present situation. Your anxiety is from WD from Seroxat and your curcumstances are also anxiety producing. You said you felt better from writing your post, so keep writing ~ it really does help.

 

Alto's advise is important....take it every day. Don't alternate. I used to feel such a sense of failure when withdrawing (it's part of withdrawal). We tend to beat ourselves up. I felt like a poor role model for my daughter when having medication problems and she would always say "Mom your a great mom, it's the drugs that are making you feel so bad."

 

She would hold my hand on some days, and was there for me.....Trust me, your kids know that you are experiencing a medical issue. We can't be Super Woman every minute of every day.

 

Please be gentle with yourself and keep posting. This site is a source of information and support.

 

Best Regards

[xDebbiejo]

Strangely enough it has taken most of my anxiety sicknes away, still having worring thoughts but I think I can cope.

 

My GP told me that some people just have a little a week just to keep it in their body and that seems to work she says. Dont like the sound of that myself.

 

I am only taking one millilitre not miligram as I have a syringe and liquid

So it is a very minute amount, I might have to take more as I cannot get motivated and I think it is very important to try to do things as it does help but it is so damn hard.

 

So you think I should take it every day? So how would I taper from this small amount over the next 9 months maybe?

 

Thank you for your reply

[Altostrata]

Please take it every day. If 1mL takes the withdrawal symptoms away, 1ml is the correct dose for you right now.

 

You don't need to rush. Stay at this level for a month.

 

You can get a tiny 1mL oral syringe that measures fractions of a milliliter http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/235-tapering-techniques/page__view__findpost__p__2284 and very gradually lower your dose, so gradually your nervous system doesn't get disturbed.

 

I use this tiny oral syringe every day myself.

[Karma]

Hi Debbiejo

 

Here is a hug we find they help.

 

You were on this drug for 16 years - coming off in 3 months is way too fast. You must take your medication daily and as Alto says preferably at the same time every day. You may need to increase the dosage back up until you get to feeling a little more centered. Give yourself a week or maybe two after any increases to get to back to balance. You need to give yourself permission to do what is necessary to feel well enough to function. It is not failure, it is a strategic retreat.

 

Once you start to feel balanced and the irrational thoughts subside give yourself some time at that dose ... maybe 6-10 weeks (yes, I'm serious). You need to let your system find its equilibrium. At that point in time you can begin reducing your dosage by no more than 10% of your current dose ... a syringe with finer increments will allow you to manage this.

 

I've been on Effexor (regular) for about 13 years. I started to reduce my dosage sometime around 2007. I got down to a total of 18.75 mg last year and started suffering irrational thoughts and anxiety. I had to perform a strategic retreat back up to 43.75 mg. I've since reduced by another 3.125 mg, but it was a little rocky, so I'm just holding longer. I'm completely relieved of irrational thoughts now.

 

There is no prize for being the first one off of the antidepressants, the only prize is coming off safely with as few withdrawal symptoms as possible.

 

Love and light

Karma

[xDebbiejo]

Thank you all for your knd replies

I really don't want to be on the drug but will do as you advise

 

Thank you all x

[Claudius]

Please take these advises very seriously, I came off Seroxat 10 mg cold turkey and nearly paid with my life for it. Now more than 4 years after the last dose I am still not recovered from the ravages of withdrawal although there is definately improvement, which started about 20 months after the last dose.

Also alternating or skipping dose is equal to a one-way ticket to hell. And your doctor is wrong when he talks about "getting this out of your body", as Alostrata has explained, withdrawal is caused by a rapid decline of drug concentration in your brain were it has become dependent on, not by rest amounts of the drug present somewhere in your body. Though this is in fact very logical and surely no rocket science, very few doctors seem to grab it! At least it thought me not to count on the "knowledge" of so called experts with a white coat and a high wage...

[Jemima]

I tapered off of Lexapro over four months after being on 10 Mg. for a year (plus four months on Pristiq 50 mg.), and that was far too fast. I went through hell for about three months and am only now, four months after getting off the drug, starting to have more good days than bad.

 

My doctor also advised the every-other-day dose to taper off, and she was dead wrong. If I had it to do over again, I'd taper off much more slowly - and steadily.

 

Also, please keep in mind that getting off the drug is only the beginning. Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) change the neural pathways in the brain, and it takes a while for the brain to normalize after the drug is no longer in one's system. There are also a lot of ups and downs along the way. It's not a matter of getting a tiny bit better every day, it's more like a roller coaster ride.

 

Always keep in mind that your symptoms are due to withdrawal, they are not due to some personal flaw. Try to be patient. Things do get better, just not nearly as fast as we would like.

 

And welcome. You'll find lots of good information and friendly support here.

[Nikki]

Debbiejo...

 

I have a friend in the UK who went too quickly in her first taper from Seroxat. The second time around she took her time and when she finally arrived at a very low dose like you are she stayed there for several months.

 

She used Rescue Remedy for anxiety which helped her a great deal.

 

When she was on the tiniest amount of Seroxat liquid she was afriad to stop for fear of wd symptoms. And then, she stopped and has had the most successful taper of anyone I've met on these sites.

 

Reading your post reminded me of her.

Hugs

[Barbarannamated]

Hi Debbiejo -

I'm one who went too fast (prior to finding this group) and am struggling -

It is refreshing to hear that your GP recognized the anxiety as withdrawal and not relapse - that's a huge step ahead of most docs -

Welcome to the group -

Barb

[xDebbiejo]

Thank you all for the kind support.

I am struggling at the moment and am now accepting this will be a roller coaster ride. I'm just hoping I will feel a bit better when the 1 ml dose I've gone back on stabilises.

I am still managing to work, which is only part-time and work on a call out basis so if neccassary I don't have to go when I get called if others are available on the rota. The only thing is that I work in custody, when someone is arrested with mental health issues then I'm called out to support them through the detention process and to ensure they are treated fairly. It is becoming quite daunting lately as some of the clients that are arrested should not be in custody at all. This is due to the lack of support from social services. So many struggling and on several medications.

 

I think I need to change my job as it is quite disturbing whilst I'm not feeling a 100%.

 

As I am having many issues within my home family life, it's not just me to look after, and am deeply concerned for my two teenagers. One is doing her A levels and the other who has a confidence issue, I have difficulty in getting him to school. So I have all this to deal with plus having to sell my house or go down the bankruptcy route which is all paper work which I'm finding hard to handle.

 

My dad is helping but I feel guilty and worried about this as he has not really got the time to help me.

 

Oh gosh I am feeling sorry for myself this morning, I hate playing the victim - I need to be strong for my family like I used to be. They need me.

 

So sorry to go on like this.

 

I would like to know what rescue remedy is ? And also where I may get these small syringes, as I think it was mentioned you can buy them on eBay

 

I have had reiki several times and it helps but I would need it every day for me to not worry. I have also had EFT which also works but again it needs to be every day and obviously it's not possible as it does cost a lot even though I only pay a reduced price as I'm on a low income.

 

So sorry for moaning but am having a horrible worrying day but I need to force myself to do things, I know, as I have no motivation.

 

Thank you again for your support, I can't carry on like this but as the saying goes

 

If its to be

It's up to me!!!

 

So sorry to write such a negative post!

 

I need to keep remembering everything will be ok and focus on love and light

[Barbarannamated]

Debbiejo-

Mornings are the worst time for most of us due to extra high cortisol level in early morning - I've woken in panic state many times before I knew to use blackout curtains to block out light (I was doing the opposite as sunshine generally lifts my mood)-

You need not worry about honestly expressing how you feel here on the group - withdrawal brings out long buried emotions interspersed with apathy and anhedonia worse than any I ever experienced - things tend to get better around noon and also after 6pm -

I'm sorry you have extra stressors - it seems we are more judgmental of ourselves at this time and confidence takes a beating -

Hang in there - it will get easier

[xDebbiejo]

Thank you

My bedroom is so light in the mornings so I need to get dark curtains? Oh gosh I thought the light was good for me too

[Barbarannamated]

One thread about Blackout Curtains

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/33-early-morning-waking-with-panic-or-anxiety/page__fromsearch__1

[xDebbiejo]

Thank you for your help x

[xDebbiejo]

So sorry to post again but I feeling worse now I have started the seroxat again. I started 1 ml on Friday which I was on when I came off 2 months ago. My family are saying that I'm shouting now I am back on it, which I can agree even though I felt bad I didn't shout when it was not in my system and was placid. I guess it's just messing my brain up again - need to feel normal again!!!

[xDebbiejo]

One of my doctors thinks if I start taking the medication again my symptoms should clear up immediately if they are only withdrawal symptoms. I should have not started taking it again !!! God I'm so confused!!!!!

I need to feel normal

[Barbarannamated]

Debbiejo -

Altostrata checks in frequently and will have specific advice on tapering -

Hang in there -

Also -a sleep mask is a less expensive option to blackout curtains -

I had anger outbursts with shouting in early withdrawal - very foreign to me as I was always a reserved person - weird indeed -

B

[xDebbiejo]

Thanks B but I was calm and suffering with none in my system now in my system I'm angry and suffering, not good for my children - I am angry with GSK. !!!!!!

 

I have been looking for law firms to help but they just don't want to know and I'm too late to join the UK class action with Hugh James law firm - mind you I just want to feel better that's all , I want to be me again!!! So much happens why I was on the drug that I feel so guilty for now - I feel I've ruined my partner and my kids lives in fact I have!!!!!

[Barbarannamated]

Anger is very appropriate and hits HARD when we first realize what's been happening ON drugs and then compounded when we learn that it's not something we can 'just stop' and resume life as we knew it. Treat yourself with compassion as you would if you had a recognized medical illness. On top of the anger, you may be experiencing NEUROEMOTION. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/137-neuro-emotion/page__fromsearch__1

Revenge is a natural reaction.

You are now doing the best thing you can for your family and future in ridding yourself from harmful drugs. It's a difficult process that will leave you an even BETTER mother and spouse.

 

I'm not familiar with the class action suit you mentioned. I'm curious and will Google it. I called a few lawyers when I learned I had endocrine damage missed by many MDs who gave me drug after drug over 18 years to no avail. Litigation is extremely stressful and difficult to prove causation. I admitted myself to psych hospital during an 11 year Work Comp suit.

 

Hopefully this graphic of THE 7 STAGES OF RECOVERY will help. :-)

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1031-a-cats-version-of-the-7-stages-of-recovery/page__pid__15526#entry15526

[xDebbiejo]

Thank you so much - I'm up and down like a yo yo. I feel somewhat normal at the moment , is this because it's nearing 18:00 how strange

 

Thank you for your support you must think I'm a loopy !!

[Altostrata]

Debbie, how long have you been taking 1mL every day? It's best if you take it at the same time each day, too.

[xDebbiejo]

Hi barb

What is a psych hospital ? Is it like a mental health unit as we call them in the UK and they are very few and far between these days, they are closing them all down for more care in the community which is clearly not working.

We have a few in Leicester attached to hospitals but they won't take violent patients, they end up in prison, rediculas really. How long were you in hospital ? and was it stress related work issues to start with. Sorry I've not read your story I don't think - how are you now?

[Barbarannamated]

Yes, it was one of the few stand alone private (not government) psychiatric hospitals in S.CA. I was there for 3 days. Very stress related after losing my career due to neck injury/chronic pain and a hellacious Work Comp lawsuit (though that's probably redundant). WC is a terrible system. Many hours of depositions. They try to catch people lying or faking injuries using Private Investigators, following with video, etc. Apparently some people fake injuries thinking they'll get a free ride. Crazy. I just wanted the case over with so i could move on. Lawyers try to prolong cases b/c their fee increases with more medical care. Ugly.

 

The private hospitals are closing here also. Most university hospitals have psych units and there are forensic hospitals (government). The hospital I went to wasn't too horrible,considering. It's all a blur now, but I don't think they did much of anything but require I participate in group therapies. If that would be done on an outpatient basis more often, it would prevent so much medication usage. I recall that the psychiatrist was very encouraging and seemed to understand the Work Comp game and techniques they use to get people to cave in. I tried to use my private insurance but when the doctor got the details of what happened (cumulative trauma) he called me and said he had to put it through Work Comp insurer or he would be committing insurance fraud.

 

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. Our bodies have such strong rhythms that i never noticed until tapering Pristiq. The knowledge and experience here is phenomenal. I suspect some/most MDs would be shocked and intimidated by the knowledge that Alto et al have.

[Jemima]

Yes, it was one of the few stand alone private (not government) psychiatric hospitals in S.CA. I was there for 3 days. Very stress related after losing my career due to neck injury/chronic pain and a hellacious Work Comp lawsuit (though that's probably redundant). WC is a terrible system. Many hours of depositions. They try to catch people lying or faking injuries using Private Investigators, following with video, etc. Apparently some people fake injuries thinking they'll get a free ride. Crazy. I just wanted the case over with so i could move on. Lawyers try to prolong cases b/c their fee increases with more medical care. Ugly.

 

 

This is a bit off-topic, but I was on Workers' Comp nine years ago due to a back injury that happened at work. (My injury was so blatantly work-related I didn't have any legal problems to overcome.) My vocational counselor told me that some people actually reinjure themselves so they don't have to go back to work! I couldn't imagine doing that - I was in such pain and so afraid that I'd never walk normally again, I nearly kissed my physical therapist's feet when the pain started going away.

 

Back to the topic in Debbie's last post, psychiatric hospitals are sometimes called mental health units here as well. There are very few that are state-run, most of them emptied out in the late sixties along with a lot of babble about patients being better off in a community setting. Right-o. A lot of those former patients end up in jail because there aren't enough hospital beds or group homes to care for them.

 

I was also hospitalized in a private hospital, which may sound posh but was far from it. It was really very barren and boring and the hospital rules had a lot more to do with their fear of malpractice suits than patient comfort. They got patients on medication immediately and often discharged them within days, never mind that it takes longer than that to see any effects of medication. Many of these private hospitals get people out so fast that it results in numerous hospitalizations over a lifetime. This is not my idea of effective treatment.

[Nikki]

DebbieJo....

 

What was your original dose of Seroxat? Tapering in a 3 month period will cause the symptoms you have.

 

After about 3 months of being Seroxat free you went back to 1mL every other day and now every day and you are feeling anger?

 

You have alot of your plate. You work, have teenagers, trying to avoid bankruptcy...papers, papers and more papers. These are big stressors. In addition to the stressors you have just gotten off of Seroxat. Even if your life were stress free, you would most likely feel withdrawal symtpoms and they are very rough.

 

Seroxat is a powerful drug. When you said you reinstated @ 1mL, my 1st thought was that may not be enough. 99% of us have had to go back up or go back on during our tapers. It's the norm. For myself, and I am so sensitive to this stuff) the 1mL would not be enough.

 

Alto will be along shortly I am sure to help sort this out.

 

Some options might be to increase the Seroxat, see if you stabilize, stay put and at some other point in time taper very, very slowly. Or - Stay at 1mL, give it a few days and see what happens.

 

It's okay to be angry....I think most people are angry these days....we are a stressed out world....

 

Hugs

[xDebbiejo]

Hi all

Thanks again for the support !

I was orinally on 30mg of seroxat , went from 30 to 20 and back again several times. Before the liquid I managed to get to 10 mg per day for a few months then 3 months on the liquid, do I guess it was longer than 3 months - I felt ok untill I stopped the liquid didn't do it slow enough, but felt fine on 1 ml a day, then every other day then stopped. Few days after wanted to commit suicide just to get away from the thoughts and worrying about everything, my head was full of stuff and wouldn't go away so back on this demon once again.

Well I have my mask now for tonight which I was kindly advised and my dad is getting blackouts for my window.

 

Thanks again all it is very much appreciated xx

Dread the mornings !

[Jemima]

 

My dad is helping but I feel guilty and worried about this as he has not really got the time to help me.

 

It probably makes him feel good that he can do something. Men love to fix things. Try to accept that and forget about giving back for now. Withdrawal is a debilitating and unpredictable illness.

 

 

I would like to know what rescue remedy is ? And also where I may get these small syringes, as I think it was mentioned you can buy them on eBay.

 

The company has a United Kingdom website:

 

http://www.nelsonsnaturalworld.com/en-gb/uk/our-brands/rescue-remedy/

 

Just beware of chasing after remedies. I'm embarrassed at how much I've spent on vitamins and supplements that weren't worth a hoot. If you do try this, try a very small dose at first. Withdrawal makes our nervous systems very hypersensitive.

 

Any pharmacy should have these syringes, and if not, try a veterinary hospital. I have a small collection of them from having to medicate a Guinea pig some years back.

 

I have had reiki several times and it helps but I would need it every day for me to not worry. I have also had EFT which also works but again it needs to be every day and obviously it's not possible as it does cost a lot even though I only pay a reduced price as I'm on a low income.

 

So sorry for moaning but am having a horrible worrying day but I need to force myself to do things, I know, as I have no motivation.

 

Thank you again for your support, I can't carry on like this but as the saying goes

 

If its to be

It's up to me!!!

 

Please don't be hard on yourself. Recovery isn't all up to you, in fact very little of it is under your control. You've been subjected to a very scary experiment in biochemistry and a lot of what will happen in the future will happen because the body has an innate ability to heal itself. There is precious little you can do to hurry things along and will power doesn't count, although focusing on the positive may help.

 

 

So sorry to write such a negative post!

 

I need to keep remembering everything will be ok and focus on love and light

 

 

Type on! We've all gone through this and it's very natural to be quite focused on oneself at a terrible time like this. I've run the gauntlet from miserable self-pity through outrage at my doctors, the drug companies, and mainstream medicine in general.

 

And please do take Alto's advice. She has researched and studied AD withdrawal extensively and knows a lot more than most doctors.

 

Hang in there, and when you need to "talk", we'll be here.

[xDebbiejo]

Thank you Jemima for your kind comments and advice

 

If I hadn't got the support on this forum , I don't know what I'd do

 

Thank you all do much!!!!

[xDebbiejo]

Alto

I have started taking 1ml a day from friday 13th April after going without for two months, I'm feeling quite ill and don't know what to do. I was on 1ml every other day befor I stopped and was ok or so I thought - I'm just hoping I will be better in a week or so as Ive been told on here. It also has been suggested that I might need a higher dose? What do you think?

Thank you again for all the help on this site x I have been reading others experiences that are far worse than mine and feel guilty for going on about me. At least I only have one drug to contend with. But I'm finding it extremely hard.

 

I found myself feeling somewhat normal yesterday evening but now am really struggling.

 

I am accepting I have to be patient but I keep thinking I might not feel normal again.

[xDebbiejo]

Hi all

Woke up this morning around 04:00 with worrying thoughts again, I have a lot going on at present in my life and feel I'm going crazy - too many things to sort out and can't cope with these thoughts. I think my dad is making it worse as he is trying to help me keep my house rather than go bankrupt but it would be much easier to go bankrupt. So many things to deal with, feel really sick,

Any advice please?

[xDebbiejo]

Just had to take 2 x mg diezapam in the hope it will calm my head down - seem to getting worse rather than getting better as Ive now had to go back on seroxat 1ml from last Friday

[Barbarannamated]

Debbiejo -

Try to remember that mornings are wacky (for lack of a better word) - you'll feel better later in the day and evening and able to think more clearly -

I understand the pressure involved in giving up a house - we let one go to foreclosure (was gutted to be remodeled so not living in it) - every situation is different and today's economy is very different than in previous generations - if possible delay making big decisions until you are feeling more steady - remember that everything feels exaggerated and skewed toward the negative right now -

In what way are you feeling sick -

Hang in there - you are in the throes of withdrawal right now -

{{{HUGS}}}

[meistersinger]

Debbiejo -

Try to remember that mornings are wacky (for lack of a better word) - you'll feel better later in the day and evening and able to think more clearly -

I understand the pressure involved in giving up a house - we let one go to foreclosure (was gutted to be remodeled so not living in it) - every situation is different and today's economy is very different than in previous generations - if possible delay making big decisions until you are feeling more steady - remember that everything feels exaggerated and skewed toward the negative right now -

Hang in there - you are in the throes of withdrawal right now -

{{{HUGS}}}

 

Barb,

 

How would you handle it when a brother is purchasing your mother's estate and you end up out on the street as soon as he signs the paperwork? There is Hud section 8 for single room occupancy, but it is located in a very bad part of town, and I'd rather not live there. My other brothers are of no help. (you're on you own, pal. I don't give a damn how sick you are. YOU MADE YOUR OWN MESS, NOW YOU CAN LIE IN IT!). The other brother has 2 severely autistic children, and lives in a very small house.

[Barbarannamated]

I know a few families in that situation right now - very difficult -

Pennsylvania seems to have a decent system for housing - i recently learned of a type of apartment/shared home in PA - I don't know how you'd feel about a share but it may be preferable to dealing with family - I will find out the name of the housing -