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India
On 10/21/2019 at 6:27 PM, Gemma92 said:

My sense of taste is almost completely gone. And when I smell my hands, they smell like chemicals. My brain went from being over senstive to being under sensitive. It's like my brain is now wrapped up in plastic and it can't interact with anything outside of it. It feels like it has turned off everything and I am left with the constant anhedonia. My body rarely feels cold anymore too and it's very numb to the touch. Before Mirtazapine and Zyprexa, my body was hypersentive to everything. I know this maybe is a good sign like was said to me by Alto but something is off with the numbness in my brain. My Lexapro withdrawals made me still feel human and I was just suffering. Does Zyprexa have different withdrawal symptoms than Lexapro?

I'd rather have withdrawal anxiety than have zombie like emotions. I've had both so I know how awful both feel. 

 

Sorry if I am being repetitive but that is one of my symptoms. 😥

All frightening hence the repetition but you remind me of the early days ( first 3 months) - acute paranoia and what psychiatrist’s call a ‘psychotic break’. States I’d never  experienced before and I don’t think you had either. It’s WD.. People report it here over and over again. 

Have a look:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-7202413/I-hope-spared-hell-went-depression-pills-says-NHS-psychiatrist.html


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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Gemma92
7 hours ago, India said:

All frightening hence the repetition but you remind me of the early days ( first 3 months) - acute paranoia and what psychiatrist’s call a ‘psychotic break’. States I’d never  experienced before and I don’t think you had either. It’s WD.. People report it here over and over again. 

Have a look:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-7202413/I-hope-spared-hell-went-depression-pills-says-NHS-psychiatrist.html

Thank you. I'm not even that early in withdrawal I have been suffering for 15 or 16 months now. And 8 month when the doctors stopped polydrugging me. 😢 So 8 months and no windows. (But I did have the 15 to 11mg drop in that timeframe). 

Thank you for all the links you tagged me in on the other threads! They really help, especially knowing that people healed from high doses of drugs and CTs! The story that you sent to me here in this message sounds really interesting too! I have yet to finish reading it! These things do give me hope but I always think I might be that one who doesn't get better.  


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

It has been about a month since I have been on the 11mg of Mirtazapine. I have absolutely no concept of time so these months seem to fly by fairly quickly. I have been playing some video games at night. I still remember all the controls which is surprising 

considering all the drug changes I have had and that I am on the most powerful antihistamine out there. I still have constant psychotic fears and paranoia. It dies down at night but I am left with zombie like emotions. I tried watching some cartoons and just can't feel any emotions. If the character died I would feel nothing but emptiness. Anhedonia may be the worst symptom out there... 

 

I have been on a diet for about 2 weeks or so now. I cut out all sugar, gluten, grains, and dairy. I have been drinking fruit and veggie smoothies everyday. I am still waiting for a window. If it's only a 1 minute window that will make me so happy. 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Altostrata
6 hours ago, Gemma92 said:

I still have constant psychotic fears and paranoia. It dies down at night

 

Does this occur before or after you take mirtazapine?


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Gemma92
15 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Does this occur before or after you take mirtazapine?

It's usually worst during the day but can be really bad when I am in the middle of sleeping. So I'd say it sometimes gets bad after a few hours of taking the Mirtazapine. I'll have to see what happens again tonight. 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

The worst symptom is the psychotic fears. It's like my brain was molded this way from all the drug changes I have had... Does anyone out there have the psychotic fears too? Like the feeling like you need to be in a straight jacket? It's mixed with paranoia, rage, terror and I can feel all this stuff coming directly out of my brain like it's now structured to feel this way. Still no windows.... Not even partials...

 

Other symptoms:

-Scratchy throat

-Can't taste food or smell much

-I feel crippled

-A feeling of a wound on my brain and it feels like my brain is half dead.

-suicidal thoughts and urges almost 24/7

 

 

 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

Can people heal from neurotoxicity? 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Cocopuffz17
1 minute ago, Gemma92 said:

Can people heal from neurotoxicity? 

You can heal from anything. Nutrition and mindset are the two biggest factors. You got this! 


I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

 

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

 

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
 

2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

 

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Gemma92
53 minutes ago, Cocopuffz17 said:

You can heal from anything. Nutrition and mindset are the two biggest factors. You got this! 

I hope so. 🙏


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

I don't get any windows. Not even a 1 second partial. Everyone in this group seems to get windows and some even say they last for days. In my first withdrawal (before I knew what it was), my windows lastes hours and even days and weeks. Then in my second withdrawal, they only lasted a few minutes to an hour a couple times a week if that. And now ever since getting thrown on more drugs, I don't even get partial windows. Does anyone have an idea of if or when they will ever come? 

 

Today I have a lot of rage and I feel like a psycho! I am yelling at everyone around me. My dad keeps telling me he can't take it anymore. Well he is one of the ones who put me on more drugs and made me act likes psycho! And now he can't handle it and makes me feel lile a criminal! 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Altostrata

I wouldn't call it "psychotic fears," it's your interpretation of your iatrogenic symptoms and your beliefs about yourself, which you could change if you want. Yes, you feel awful, but you're adding the dire interpretation. Think of yourself as having had a drug accident rather than having been punished for being bad.

 

How can you work out this anger and rage? Can you get out and take walks? That would be better for you and your family.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Gemma92
21 hours ago, Altostrata said:

I wouldn't call it "psychotic fears," it's your interpretation of your iatrogenic symptoms and your beliefs about yourself, which you could change if you want. Yes, you feel awful, but you're adding the dire interpretation. Think of yourself as having had a drug accident rather than having been punished for being bad.

 

How can you work out this anger and rage? Can you get out and take walks? That would be better for you and your family.

Thank you for the advice. I'll try to change my mindset. I think it'd be a lot easier if I knew for sure this would end. I need to help my brain heal by feeding it positive thoughts. It's so hard though.

 

I have agoraphobia so I can't go outside to walk. I am pinned on my bed all day stuck in paranoia, terror and fear. 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Altostrata
Just now, Gemma92 said:

I have agoraphobia so I can't go outside to walk. I am pinned on my bed all day stuck in paranoia, terror and fear. 

 

Please do your best to subtract your fear of being afraid and your fear of being afraid of being afraid from your neuroemotions. In short, get out and walk around a little. This will help your body work better to fix things.

 

If you're light-sensitive, wear dark glasses outside, even on cloudy days.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Gemma92
1 minute ago, Altostrata said:

 

Please do your best to subtract your fear of being afraid and your fear of being afraid of being afraid from your neuroemotions. In short, get out and walk around a little. This will help your body work better to fix things.

 

If you're light-sensitive, wear dark glasses outside, even on cloudy days.

I'll try to do this but it's so hard when I feel like a nutcase. I have feelings that I can't even explain.

Maybe I'll try going outside tonight and just walk around in the yard for a start. Thank you for the help.


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

Is it normal to not have a concept of time?


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Altostrata

Walking around in the evening is a great idea, as long as your area is safe. Do this as much as you can.

 

If you're not sleeping properly, your sense of time may be distorted. Please do what you can to stop worrying about the weird iatrogenic symptoms. They will change and mutate.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Gemma92
47 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Walking around in the evening is a great idea, as long as your area is safe. Do this as much as you can.

 

If you're not sleeping properly, your sense of time may be distorted. Please do what you can to stop worrying about the weird iatrogenic symptoms. They will change and mutate.

Thank you for all the help! I will try to stop worrying. I'll keep you updated! 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Cocopuffz17
1 minute ago, Gemma92 said:

Thank you for all the help! I will try to stop worrying. I'll keep you updated! 

You got this! Keep pushing through. Everyday that passes is another day closer to being healed! 


I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

 

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

 

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
 

2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

 

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Gemma92
21 hours ago, Cocopuffz17 said:

You got this! Keep pushing through. Everyday that passes is another day closer to being healed! 

Thanks. I hope I can heal on the last drug. 😢


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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icerose87

I’m Gemma’s sister.

 

Can people in withdrawal not notice the times they are less horrible? Sometimes I swear Gemma is worse than other times, but she says she feels the same all the time and is getting worse. But my theory is maybe she can’t tell because she’s always stuck in the moment and it’s always horrific for her. Is this possible? Sometimes I think her brain keeps resetting from intense, unbearable craziness to still horrific, but willing to fight.

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Gemma92

I know I am feeling the crazy cuts I did a month ago. They are really bad. I am melting in terror and feel even more crazy now. Today might be one of the worst days ever for me. I usually don't cry in the mornings but today I did.

 

I also still believe I am hurting from the Zyprexa forced cold turkey awhile back. 

 

Just waiting for things to settle down. 😥


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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ShiningLight
2 hours ago, icerose87 said:

Sometimes I swear Gemma is worse than other times, but she says she feels the same all the time and is getting worse. But my theory is maybe she can’t tell because she’s always stuck in the moment and it’s always horrific for her. Is this possible? 

 

Yes. Very hard to maintain perspective while in this.


Now: Gabapentin 31 mg 4x/day =124 mg, 150 mg Zoloft am since 2004, 50 mg Trazodone bedtime.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 mg to 324 mg 🐢🐢

2020, Gabapentin each dose 4x/day: Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg.

2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon

March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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India

@Gemma92

Subtle healing is happening all the time. It’s just you don’t recognise it often. I haven’t had a chance to reply but I will. 

Have a look at this:

18 medications over 20 years. Ended up living in a tent. Now recovered:

 

https://youtu.be/AfmUeV_GWak


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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composter

Gemma, you’ve mentioned that you would like support with prayer. I will be praying for you to experience improvement and windows! You’ve gone through so much but you have an inner strength that shines through despite the worst suffering. Good work on making the nutrition changes—the more you can fuel and support your brain and body with nutrient-dense foods, the better! Hope you can keep things as stable as possible, with a good routine, and calming coping tools and activities. To echo some advice you’ve received previously: a hold on your current dose for a few months may do a lot of good for you to start seeing progress. 

 

Thank you to her sister for supporting her during this time! I have an older sister who did the same for me. Support and quality time from loved ones goes a long way in the healing process.


Apr 2018 - 10 mg Amitriptyline (Rx’d by neurologist for headaches & insomnia)

Jul + Aug 2018 - Reduced to 5 mg in July and then 2.5 mg in Aug (was too fast, hellish withdrawal at 2 weeks on 2.5 mg)

Sept 2018 - reinstated 10 mg Amitriptyline (emotional symptoms improved immediately, physical symptoms improved over time)

Oct 2018 - updosed to 11 mg Amitriptyline (compounded pills)

Stabilized in Apr 2019 (had 2 waves while stabilizing).

Began taper at rate of ~0.2 mg per month with liquid/dissolved taper. Current (Aug 2020) 5.3 mg.

 

Supplements: Omega-3 fish oil, Vit B12, coenzyme Q10, Hawthorn extract (for tachycardia)

Tools for insomnia/waves (as needed) : Epsom salt foot soaks, 0.5 mg Melatonin, quality time with supportive friends/family, remembering waves WILL PASS.

Lifestyle: Eat real foods, mostly plants; daily walking (30 min); track symptoms when needed on paper (adapted Glenmullen chart)

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Gemma92
15 hours ago, India said:

@Gemma92

Subtle healing is happening all the time. It’s just you don’t recognise it often. I haven’t had a chance to reply but I will. 

Have a look at this:

18 medications over 20 years. Ended up living in a tent. Now recovered:

 

https://youtu.be/AfmUeV_GWak

Thank you for always mentioning me on posts. They are all very helpful! And thank you for the youtube link. I watched part of it but had to stop because the symptoms are just so bad. But from what I saw, it gives me hope. I am not sure if she was kindled though but I can see she suffered a lot. Thank you for always thinking of me.


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92
56 minutes ago, composter said:

Gemma, you’ve mentioned that you would like support with prayer. I will be praying for you to experience improvement and windows! You’ve gone through so much but you have an inner strength that shines through despite the worst suffering. Good work on making the nutrition changes—the more you can fuel and support your brain and body with nutrient-dense foods, the better! Hope you can keep things as stable as possible, with a good routine, and calming coping tools and activities. To echo some advice you’ve received previously: a hold on your current dose for a few months may do a lot of good for you to start seeing progress. 

 

Thank you to her sister for supporting her during this time! I have an older sister who did the same for me. Support and quality time from loved ones goes a long way in the healing process.

Thank you so much for visiting my thread and giving me a hopeful message! I also very much appreciate the prayers! I can use all of them I can get! I am in such a horrible place right now because of those fast cuts I have been doing. I have been messing around with my brain for 15 months now. I will take everyone's advice and hold for a very long time. I am just concerned I'll be one of those people who doesn't get windows while on a drug but I guess there's only one way to find out! 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

The psychotic terror continues to get worse. It feels like demons are lurking all around me and that I am ****** in Hell. I have anxiety, fear, paranoia, depression, agoraphobia and more all mix up at the same time. I have been holding on the 11mg for 1 month now I believe. 5 more months to go and hope for some progress.

 

I always lose hope because I have been kindled on over 16 drugs in a 10 month period plus have been playing with the Mirtazapine dose for another 8 months.  

I know I shouldn't compare how bad I am to how I was before. But before my symptoms always cycled and I did not have any terror or psychotic fears. It was intense anxiety and a bunch of physcial symptoms. Those symptoms always cycled and I always had tiny windows of improvement. And I still felt like me. Now my symptoms do not cycle. I am stuck in the "psychosis like feelings" almost all day. Once in awhile it will die down and then I am left with anheonia. Would that be considered a weak window? 

 

From what someone told me, it's a bad sign if I cannot taste food, react to sounds or can't smell. They said it's better if the brain is overreacting reather than doing the complete opposite and being dead. Because they said if it is hypersenstive that means it is working still. But I don't know if I believe that. Everyone tells me different things. 

 

 I lost my sense of smell a week ago. It used to be the complete opposite! In my old withdrawal, I always cringed when I heard loud sounds but now it's like that part is broken and numbed in my brain. And I don't know why I am not reacting to them because I am stuck in horror and terror all day so you'd think I would. I want to see all those things as a good sign but considering it happened after my cut from 15 to 11mg, it makes more sense that it's a bad sign?

 

I know I need to keep listening to advice given to me from the moderaters and other members here. I am sorry for being repetitive and not believing what is told to me. My brain is so messed up. I will appreciate all the help when I get a little more stable. 

 

I think I am going to take a break from here again and report back in another month. I don't want to keep rambling about my suffering when there's no improvement. I will report back again. Thank you. 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Zans

I think you should continue to "ramble". Albeit very little, you still release out whatever is on your mind during these difficult moments. Perhaps while you ramble in your writtings you think less obsessively in your head ☺

 

All strength to you!


Paroxetin 20mg, Lexatonil 3mg - 5 pills total in December 2019 - CT.

 

Coaxil12.5mg, Fluanxol 1mg, Olanzapine 5mg, Bromazepam 3mg, Mirtazapine 30mg, Relanium injections, Zolpidem 10mg  full January - March 2019. CT all.

 

Finlepsin 1/4, Olanzapine 2.5mg, Relanium 5mg, Brintellix 20mg, Imovan mid April - early May 2019. CT all.

 

Brintellix 10mg 2019 May

Brintellix 5mg June - July

Brintellix 5mg August, 4.5mg September 7th - 4.6mg - 5mg ; November 21st - 4.8g December 5th - 4.6mg December 19th - 4.4mg January 3th - 4.2mg 17th - 4mg

 

 

 

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India

@Gemma92 I agree with @Zans. You need everything you can to help you through. The symptoms are tortuous and repetitive and frightening and so therefore will be your posts but here everyone knows what you are describing . One month is early days. I stabilised for 6 months on 6mg dose. 

“Psychosis” is just the brain under extreme stress. In the military,  they use a lot of these methods for interrogation . Sleep deprivation can induce hallucinations. It helped me to see it this way!! It will not be there forever. 


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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Zans

Yeah, I think it's really difficult to be aware that you're in psychosis during event itself. In my experience it's mostly sky high anxiety due to nervous systen overdrive. At my worst I felt that every moment I can go insane in a fingersnap. I thought this was prelude to psychosis or permanent insanity but actually it was "just" severe anxiety. 


Paroxetin 20mg, Lexatonil 3mg - 5 pills total in December 2019 - CT.

 

Coaxil12.5mg, Fluanxol 1mg, Olanzapine 5mg, Bromazepam 3mg, Mirtazapine 30mg, Relanium injections, Zolpidem 10mg  full January - March 2019. CT all.

 

Finlepsin 1/4, Olanzapine 2.5mg, Relanium 5mg, Brintellix 20mg, Imovan mid April - early May 2019. CT all.

 

Brintellix 10mg 2019 May

Brintellix 5mg June - July

Brintellix 5mg August, 4.5mg September 7th - 4.6mg - 5mg ; November 21st - 4.8g December 5th - 4.6mg December 19th - 4.4mg January 3th - 4.2mg 17th - 4mg

 

 

 

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Gemma92

You guys are right. I'll continue to post here and get the things I have bottled up inside of me out.

My dad thinks I am possessed by the devil. I am just so hurt and crushed and very angry. I am only crazy because HE was the one who threw me on more drugs and made me in to a lunatic. Getting an exorcism DID NOT fix this and my parents were only wasting the priests time. This is drug damage. And I am hanging by a thread every single day. That entire situation threw me into a huge wave. I am tired of looking at my parents faces everyday. They turned their backs on me like snakes. I have no one. I am alone in this. I think the Mirtazapine is making me worse. I remember when I first went on it. (If you read my sisters intro), it made me crazy on it with rage and that's just what I am feeling on top of all this damage from the drugs. So where do I go from here? 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Altostrata

Maybe you could limit conversations with your parents to such topics as pets and weather and don't try to get them to understand your inner life or problems with psychiatric drugs. They are on another planet and don't know it.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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India
14 minutes ago, Gemma92 said:

My dad thinks I am possessed by the devil. I am just so hurt and crushed and very angry. I am only crazy because HE was the one who threw me on more drugs and made me in to a lunatic.

Gemma, hold onto this! This is your lucid and sane mind thinking . It’s your life force. You have a good perspective on the situation. You are not possessed by the devil you are suffering from an external situation and are an incredible warrior. Your dad is misguided. Would you consider working with some sort of trauma therapist??I feel that you experiencing the trauma from the betrayal of your some of your family’s actions and also the system itself . There is an ambivalence there . A therapist could help you hold the love whilst at the same time addressing the hurt you speak of . I speak about what has worked for me. Of course, you know what is right for you. 

As Altostrata says, keep conversations in the safe zone. Sometimes imagining a bubble around you. You know everyone here knows you are experiencing WD and kindling  but you are surviving in spite of it all. Hold onto that!


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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India
24 minutes ago, Gemma92 said:

This is drug damage. And I am hanging by a thread every single day.

You need confirmation, love and to have your suffering and strength recognised. Doctors, parents.. who wants to admit  they may have caused harm? There are deep psychological/societal  drivers involved in this. Accepting the limitations of others has been my ongoing grapple in this journey. 

I still honour my anger but I take it to healing spaces for catharsis.

 


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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India
33 minutes ago, Gemma92 said:

I am alone in this. I

I often feel alone (scream silently, cry, beat my fists  )but you are not. We are all in this unfortunate journey  side by side. 

 

“I can’t go on, I’ll go on”

-Waiting  for Godot

Beckett


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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Gemma92
20 minutes ago, India said:

Gemma, hold onto this! This is your lucid and sane mind thinking . It’s your life force. You have a good perspective on the situation. You are not possessed by the devil you are suffering from an external situation and are an incredible warrior. Your dad is misguided. Would you consider working with some sort of trauma therapist??I feel that you experiencing the trauma from the betrayal of your some of your family’s actions and also the system itself . There is an ambivalence there . A therapist could help you hold the love whilst at the same time addressing the hurt you speak of . I speak about what has worked for me. Of course, you know what is right for you. 

As Altostrata says, keep conversations in the safe zone. Sometimes imagining a bubble around you. You know everyone here knows you are experiencing WD and kindling  but you are surviving in spite of it all. Hold onto that!

Thank you for the help. I am so sick that I can't even do therapy. In my last withdrawal (before my family and doctors lobomized me), I had a very nice therapist. She never talked me down and she always believed everything I was saying. But now I am so far gone from those days. I cry almost every second of the day. The terror and suicidal thoughts are with me constantly. I have urges to end my life all day. I have anhedonia so strong that I do not even know who I am or what it felt like to be a human. I feel like crippled brain damaged burden. I don't live. I exist but I feel nothing. It's like there is no life in my brain anymore.

 

I am glad I have all the support on here from all you guys. I am tired of having to feel guilty about what was done to me. When I was in the hospital, my family refused to take me home and when they finally did, I was drugged up and very sick, more than I was before. Then they told me,"This is your last chance, Stacie." -Meaning I was going to the state hospital next. So thank you for reminding me that I am not alone and that I have you all here. Only people who have been through it will truly understand. My sister does her best to understand but the rest of my family never will. 😢


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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