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icerose87
5 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Walking will help you.

 

I might reduce mirtazapine by 1mg to 10mg.

 

Stop being mad about it, you're adding to your symptoms.

Why are you suggesting to reduce the Mirtazapine? I thought in the past that it was causing a lot of her symptoms, but when I expressed this to the group I was quickly shut down and told she needed to hold. 

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India

Remove yourself physically if family members trigger you or use a firm phrase to stop anything you do not wish to continue discussng. Retreat to your bed and listen to meditation music or something to this effect. This is what I do . You need peace.  Reclaim your body and your right to determine was is best for you. Finding your inner instinct and voice .  This is one way to transform the anger while still honouring it. Creating strong boundaries with your parents will help you to feel a regaining of your power and yourself.

 

 

 

 

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Zans
9 hours ago, Gemma92 said:

Thank you for the hope! I see you're still on a drug like me. I am glad things got better while still on it! I am glad the burning will go away since it did for you! I am just terrified this Mirtazapine is doing more harm than goood. It gives me so much rage. 

 

Did you ever go on an antibiotic during this? 

 

 

Honestly I think Mirtazapine is least dangerous from most of the nasty stuff we consumed. It is actually anti seratonin and lowers cortisol. But yeah you might have bad reaction to it.

 

I didn't have antibiotics but I had bunch of vitamin B injections and strong unknown chinese herbs.

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Gemma92

I honestly think most of my issues are coming from the Zyprexa that I was forcibly CTed from about 9 months ago. And on top of it, the Mirtazapine is very stimulating. I never had one second of peace from this. 

It's diabolical that these drugs make a person psychotic that was never like that before in their entire life. 

 

I read Mirtazapine and Zyprexa can deplete the body of B12 vitamins and make some have schizophrenic like symptoms. I hope that's not the case for me and that my brain will go back to normal someday...

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Gemma92
12 hours ago, Zans said:

Honestly I think Mirtazapine is least dangerous from most of the nasty stuff we consumed. It is actually anti seratonin and lowers cortisol. But yeah you might have bad reaction to it.

 

I didn't have antibiotics but I had bunch of vitamin B injections and strong unknown chinese herbs.

I think my body is low on B vitamins because I am so psychotic like. But since you reacted to them, I guess I'll have to let my body heal on its own without much intervention. 

 

I think Zyprexa is a big issue for me. I am so crazy after stopping it 9 months ago. And playing around with the Mirtazapine dose doesn't help. I don't know how I ever ended up on those last 2 drugs.

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Gemma92
15 hours ago, India said:

Remove yourself physically if family members trigger you or use a firm phrase to stop anything you do not wish to continue discussng. Retreat to your bed and listen to meditation music or something to this effect. This is what I do . You need peace.  Reclaim your body and your right to determine was is best for you. Finding your inner instinct and voice .  This is one way to transform the anger while still honouring it. Creating strong boundaries with your parents will help you to feel a regaining of your power and yourself.

 

 

 

 

Thanks for the advice. ❤

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Gemma92

Someone please tell me the paranoia, delusions and other psychotic fears goes away. Gosh this is so bad. I am not me anymore. This is so cruel. How can other human beings treat someone like this? 

 

I am doing and saying things that I'd never done before. Mind control. Wow. God have mercy on me. 😢

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Zans
35 minutes ago, Gemma92 said:

I think my body is low on B vitamins because I am so psychotic like. But since you reacted to them, I guess I'll have to let my body heal on its own without much intervention. 

 

I think Zyprexa is a big issue for me. I am so crazy after stopping it 9 months ago. And playing around with the Mirtazapine dose doesn't help. I don't know how I ever ended up on those last 2 drugs.

In our state vitamins B could be too stimulating although when I had it actually calmed me down. Might try some food sources like a bit of calf liver for that.

 

I'd say not doing too much intervention is safe bet. I start to think everything so messed up now that it actually works backwards. I had 3 black coffees yesterday, a big no no on paper, yet I slept like a log for 7 hours. Prior to that I was doing some breath work that supposed to calm you down. Ended amped up for several nights in a row, go figure. I would advice stick to time tested basics until body achieves stable homeostasis.

 

*Low intensity movement preferably outside

*Nourishing food

*Sleep

*Friends, family (if agorophobia not so bad)

 

Yep, Zyprexa is evil and at some point I was obsessed googling "Zyprexa ruined my life". While doing so I discovered there been people who were years on it and did recover. I also discovered that anytime I am occupied I actually forget that Zyprexa ruined my life and I function relatively fine ☺

 

 

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Gemma92
16 minutes ago, Zans said:

In our state vitamins B could be too stimulating although when I had it actually calmed me down. Might try some food sources like a bit of calf liver for that.

 

I'd say not doing too much intervention is safe bet. I start to think everything so messed up now that it actually works backwards. I had 3 black coffees yesterday, a big no no on paper, yet I slept like a log for 7 hours. Prior to that I was doing some breath work that supposed to calm you down. Ended amped up for several nights in a row, go figure. I would advice stick to time tested basics until body achieves stable homeostasis.

 

*Low intensity movement preferably outside

*Nourishing food

*Sleep

*Friends, family (if agorophobia not so bad)

 

Yep, Zyprexa is evil and at some point I was obsessed googling "Zyprexa ruined my life". While doing so I discovered there been people who were years on it and did recover. I also discovered that anytime I am occupied I actually forget that Zyprexa ruined my life and I function relatively fine ☺

 

 

I used to get panic attacks when I drank caffeine. My body was so sensitive even back then. But surprisingly I could always sleep still after drinking it. My brain is wired differently than most peoples I think. Another reason why I think I am doomed...

 

Yeah, the agoraohobia is too severe now to be with people. I haven't seen my friends in 1.5 years now. I don't even message them much anymore as I don't feel like I know them with my drastic personality change. I hope I'll be able to get to that point where I can talk to them again. 

 

I was on Zyprexa for 3 months. I am worried that it was long enough to cause major damage to my brain. It has been 9 months off of it and I am only declining it seems. The psychotic symptoms only intensify. The paranoia is out of control! I feel like everyone thinks I am burden and that I am a mentally ill freak. 

But you'd think I'd be showing some improvement by now, but I am not. 1.5 years of this now. I feel like I am close to getting kicked out of the house because of my rants in text messages. 😔

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Zans
6 minutes ago, Gemma92 said:

I used to get panic attacks when I drank caffeine. My body was so sensitive even back then. But surprisingly I could always sleep still after drinking it. My brain is wired differently than most peoples I think. Another reason why I think I am doomed...

 

Yeah, the agoraohobia is too severe now to be with people. I haven't seen my friends in 1.5 years now. I don't even message them much anymore as I don't feel like I know them with my drastic personality change. I hope I'll be able to get to that point where I can talk to them again. 

 

I was on Zyprexa for 3 months. I am worried that it was long enough to cause major damage to my brain. It has been 9 months off of it and I am only declining it seems. The psychotic symptoms only intensify. The paranoia is out of control! I feel like everyone thinks I am burden and that I am a mentally ill freak. 

But you'd think I'd be showing some improvement by now, but I am not. 1.5 years of this now. I feel like I am close to getting kicked out of the house because of my rants in text messages. 😔

Well I thought I lost my friends at some point also due to unrecognizable personality shift. But you know real friends always there. Once I met them we picked up right where we left. 

 

I was Zyprex'ed for about two months so I am not that far away from you. And before all this medication hell happened I expierenced equally horrible event. In fact I am going through my posts back then on one forum and it looks really similar to yours ☺ I am not saying this to measure suffering levels but simply to give some hope. It's really dificult to believe you won't get better because I was in quite similar situation and thought exactly the same. Yet I did get better.

 

Definitely nobody thinks like that. Most likely it's paranoia on full display ☺

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Gemma92
9 minutes ago, Zans said:

Well I thought I lost my friends at some point also due to unrecognizable personality shift. But you know real friends always there. Once I met them we picked up right where we left. 

 

I was Zyprex'ed for about two months so I am not that far away from you. And before all this medication hell happened I expierenced equally horrible event. In fact I am going through my posts back then on one forum and it looks really similar to yours ☺ I am not saying this to measure suffering levels but simply to give some hope. It's really dificult to believe you won't get better because I was in quite similar situation and thought exactly the same. Yet I did get better.

 

Definitely nobody thinks like that. Most likely it's paranoia on full display ☺

Thank you, it does give me some hope knowing that you are healing and are in a better spot today than you were when your WD journey began! 

I'm glad you were able to pick up where you left off with your friends!

 

I am glad the Zyprexa didn't effect you long-term. 

I'm sorry you had to go through this whole thing too. 

 

You are healing while still on a drug but I don't know if I can while still on Mirtazapine. It's pretty activating. It just seems like I am getting worse. Not sure if it's from the 15mg to 11mg or what. If I wasn't so crazy and psychotic, this would be a lot easier. 

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Gemma92

I don't like faking it or having "good days" because I know what my future holds. The pain always comes back and sometimes worse. When people say I had a "good day", they don't realize they could be threatening me with psych ward stays the very next day because they can't handle waves and the rage that comes from them. I try to hide my pain from them when I'm at my worst but it's almost impossible. If I make a mistake and slip up, they come after me like a pack of wolves. They use my illness against me with threats because they know I am weak and cannot fight back. I am not able to be reasoned with but they still try. They talk to me like I am the old me that they used to know but they don't realize that one wrong word or action can cut my last thread...

Is this my paranoia talking or is this really what is happening...

 

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Alice1

Hang in there . Throw a wet blanket on that nervous system as much as possible ..

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Alice1
4 hours ago, Gemma92 said:

It just seems like I am getting worse

 

This is normal .. It's part of the process . Healing hurts . I can honestly say that I feel the same symptoms you do . You've gotta learn how to "float" with this Gem .. Go with the flow . Roll with the punches .. 

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India

Often loved ones react emotionally when in fact we need a calm  stability .i don’t know what you mean about text messages. However Alto’s advice about conversation containing around my family helped keep the much needed security I needed. 

dont worry about friends. You’ll find new ones when you feel better.

You don’t know you won’t heal so give it s chance. You have to stay around to find out. That’s what was said to me and it resonated.

 

Did you speak with Kelly Brogan MD about your thyroid? 

 

 

 

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Gemma92

Thanks @Alice1 I'm sorry you're suffering too.

 

Thanks @India I haven't spoke to Kelly. My thyroid levels are normal surprisingly. Even with only half of one and being on Mirtazapine. 

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Gemma92

Before I was forced on more dangerous drugs, I used to still do things with my nephew in my lesser terrible withdrawal. We colored, watched videos together and talked about random things. I even did word searches with him. I enjoyed his company and could feel such love when he sat down and cuddled beside me. He was my therapy...

The Zyprexa and Mirtazapine took away all of that. Now when I see my nephew, I feel nothing. I have no desire to spend time with him anymore and I am very angry that I can't feel connections to him like I used to... I can no longer feel love. Whose brilliant idea was it to put me on more drugs and take all my love away from him (and my cats)? I said that more drugs would make him lose his Aunt and I was right! Now ever since those last 2 toxins were added, I feel like a psychotic brain damaged creature that is half alive. I don't even talk in my normal voice anymore!!!!! Those last 2 poisons took my entire personality away. They did something to me that I may never return from. 

 

And I have to feel bad for yelling at people and throwing the f bomb around in text messages. I was the one eho said I wanted to keep my love for my family. Nobody cares about that. They just wanted to fatten me up so I would not starve to death in my Lexapro/Ativam withdrawal. Well they got their wish. I'm not starving anymore but now my personality has been changed and who knows if I can return after being psychologically tortured with those last 2 drugs. 

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Cocopuffz17

Positive thoughts go a long way!! I know it’s very tough to be positive when you feel so awful. Work on it daily, you can do it! You will get back to that time of loving your nephew and having those feelings. I never thought I would either..... I cannot believe the improvements. I attribute 99% of my recovery to nutrition and mindset. I did 180’s on both of those and they have powered me through all this. You can do this as well. Remember you are what you think. Read success stories, know you will get through this, eat the best you can and know the human body is a work of art and can heal from anything with the proper fuel and mindset. 

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Gemma92

Thanks @Cocopuffz17 You are a good person! I am sorry you had to endure this hell too! 

 

True, I need to stay positive but my brain is unable to feel those things or even pretend. And when I do pretend, someone just comes along and sets me into a worse wave. Bad always comes my way. 

I guess I should appreciate what people are doing to help me instead of criticizing them over the mistakes they've made. But the reason I am so angry is because I know I would have healed from that last withdrawal. I hardly did any damage. Just 2 drugs were involved and some antibiotics. But now 16+drugs are involved and I just feel so psychotic now... I was trying to save myself and by force I was thrown into this terrible mindset. And everybody gets mad at me when I was just trying to prevent this.... I wanted to love...That's all I ever wanted...I hope you're right in that it'll come back.

 

I am glad you are doing better and healing. But for someone like me who has had multiple CTs and adverse reactions, I don't see any healing anytime soon. I have so much rage and paranoia that it's torturing me. I am not the person I used to know. I don't want to feel this hatred anymore. Everyone is burnt out with this but they forget that I am too. When this first started, they were all there for me and now one by one they are losing their patients with me. 😢

 

I read the success stories but it seems like the ones who healed were off all drugs and I am still stuck on one that took my taste and smell away. My entire body is numb from it. I have been holding steady for 2 months almost and no windows...😞

 

I am glad that nutrition helps you. I started a diet about 2 months ago. So far no changes. I'll keep it up though.

 

Sorry for my rambling and more negative thinking. Even if I don't show it or feel it, all the help I am getting from you guys means the world to me. Or at least I know it will in the future when I am able to appreciate things again. 

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Gemma92

Thanks @India Checking out the links now!

 

 

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India
On 11/19/2019 at 9:04 PM, Gemma92 said:

I don't like faking it or having "good days" because I know what my future holds. The pain always comes back and sometimes worse. When people say I had a "good day", they don't realize they could be threatening me with psych ward stays the very next day because they can't handle waves and the rage that comes from them. I try to hide my pain from them when I'm at my worst but it's almost impossible. If I make a mistake and slip up, they come after me like a pack of wolves. They use my illness against me with threats because they know I am weak and cannot fight back. I am not able to be reasoned with but they still try. They talk to me like I am the old me that they used to know but they don't realize that one wrong word or action can cut my last thread...

Is this my paranoia talking or is this really what is happening...

 

I know this well, they are relating to old you . You can keep your pain but for yourself. Your baby - held sacred. Unfortunately , many families don’t understand that what we need is simple. That is: love, understanding, reassurance , safe peaceful space, no pressure . Understanding that it is like a brain injury. You can find that here. A new family for this withdrawal issue . I learnt in the end to find spaces away from those that don’t understand, to channel my pain. 

  You don’t need to be fake but protect yourself from volatile conversations.. 

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Gemma92
4 minutes ago, India said:

I know this well, they are relating to old you . You can keep your pain but for yourself. Your baby - held sacred. Unfortunately , many families don’t understand that what we need is simple. That is: love, understanding, reassurance , safe peaceful space, no pressure . Understanding that it is like a brain injury. You can find that here. A new family for this withdrawal issue . I learnt in the end to find spaces away from those that don’t understand, to channel my pain. 

  You don’t need to be fake but protect yourself from volatile conversations.. 

Yeah and I want them to understand that this isn't the real me. I don't want them to get mad at me for the things that I say or for them to take them as threats. This isn't me. 

I am glad my sister at least understands and I am glad she participates in this group and goes out of her way to learn about what these mind altering drugs can do to people. 

Amd I am glad I have a family on here as well. The only people who really understand, are the ones who have been through it or still going through it themselves. 

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Gemma92

Why does it seem like whenever I hold on a dose, my symptoms get worse? I now have physical akathisia on top of the mental every night! My legs were so restless last night and I was drenched in sheer terror. I had to get up and pace around the house. I can't do this anymore. Nothing is settling! The worse I get, the more my family probably thinks I am just mentally insane. Why is it I get nailed after being a short-term user!? I was on Lexapro 10mg for a month and 20mg for 2 weeks. And I get so sick from WD! I see all these long-term user in these groups talking about healing and I get 0 windows. Not even 1 second of my symptoms lessening. What am I doing wrong? I even took a walk out to a cemetery yesterday. I was trying but nothing helps. Is this why my legs were so bad last night!? I really think being so sensitive to CTs after short-term use and having multiple adverse reactions, destroyed my CNS. I really do. I do not follow the pattern of recovery. I have been like this for 1.5 years now and things only get worse! My brain is shot. Where are my windows? Permanent damage does not get windows. I knew what a healable withdrawal felt like. It was before Mirtazapine and Zyprexa were added. My nights were always calm and I had windows many times. Full ones. I had all the typical WD symptoms too. But now my symptoms fall in the horror story category. Everyone tells me not to read them, but I AM a horror story. So people shouldn't read my story.

 

Russian soldiers induce akathisia to their prisoners to torture them. I am suffering a form of prison torture every single day and it only gets worse. I have been holding for 2 months now! Not 1 window. Not 1 moment of clarity. I just can't afford to cut it again yet.

 

All the insomnia folks are worried they won't heal because they can't sleep but I can sleep every night and I am worse off than they are! 

 

Even the people who have been damaged on more drugs than me seem to be doing much better. 

 

I think I may have record of the most damaged person. At least nobody's stories can scare me anymore... 😢 I shouldn't say that I am suffering more than others but everyone on this website gets windows...

 

I'm sorry... I just needed to rant....  

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Altostrata

How have you gotten worse? At what times of day are your symptoms worse? Are you getting out and walking every day?

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Melissa5000
54 minutes ago, Gemma92 said:

 What am I doing wrong? I even took a walk out to a cemetery yesterday. I was trying but nothing helps. Is this why my legs were so bad last night!? 

 

Any physical activity, even the smallest, can trigger symptoms.

 

Symptoms I get after too much or too fast walking or exercise are: musclepain, nervepain, a storm of tingling/burning painfull nervepain all over my body, burning skin, blurred vision, dizziness, feeling of internal movement when laying still in bed, insomnia or bad sleep, bad concentration, pain, cryingspells, anxiety, negative thoughts, ruminations, hot flushes and chills. 

 

When I was in a real bad shape I even got a wave of symptoms after walking only 800 meter even when I walked very slowly. So it is not that unusual that you got symptoms after a walk. I hope I can reassure you that it is a kind of normal withdrawal situation and that more people get it. You can get any kind of symptom after physical activity that was too much for you at that moment. You can get different symptoms than I get. 

 

The best way I cope with this is to build up the activity very slowly. I train my walking. After a reduction it is challenging for me to walk only indoors. Later on I walk outside but only very slowly like 3 km/hour. And only 200 meters to start with. Later on I can walk more and more meters. And then the speed goes up a bit. And I have to make choices. If I want to do cleaning I may not be able to go for a walk that day or cycle to the city centre. All the activity adds up. But by simple training you can regain your strength. But it goes with ups and downs. Some days are quite good and then suddenly a big setback follows. That's normal. It goes away and then you can slowly pick up the training again. I am positive it will work for you too. 

 

Hang on! You are stronger than you think. 

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Gemma92
2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

How have you gotten worse? At what times of day are your symptoms worse? Are you getting out and walking every day?

A couple hours or so after I take the Mirtazapine, I get restlessness in my legs and I have to keep moving them. The terror also gets worse during that time too. This happens at night after 10:30pm.

I went out and walked in the cemetery for 20 minutes yesterday. Longest walk yet. I went up hills which was tough for me. When I got back I was fine. I was in my normal hell. Nothing happened until hours after I took the Mirtazapine. I don't know if the restlessness is from feeling the last cut or from the drug itself. I wasn't this bad when I was on 15mg, I know that for sure. 

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Gemma92
1 hour ago, Melissa5000 said:

 

Any physical activity, even the smallest, can trigger symptoms.

 

Symptoms I get after too much or too fast walking or exercise are: musclepain, nervepain, a storm of tingling/burning painfull nervepain all over my body, burning skin, blurred vision, dizziness, feeling of internal movement when laying still in bed, insomnia or bad sleep, bad concentration, pain, cryingspells, anxiety, negative thoughts, ruminations, hot flushes and chills. 

 

When I was in a real bad shape I even got a wave of symptoms after walking only 800 meter even when I walked very slowly. So it is not that unusual that you got symptoms after a walk. I hope I can reassure you that it is a kind of normal withdrawal situation and that more people get it. You can get any kind of symptom after physical activity that was too much for you at that moment. You can get different symptoms than I get. 

 

The best way I cope with this is to build up the activity very slowly. I train my walking. After a reduction it is challenging for me to walk only indoors. Later on I walk outside but only very slowly like 3 km/hour. And only 200 meters to start with. Later on I can walk more and more meters. And then the speed goes up a bit. And I have to make choices. If I want to do cleaning I may not be able to go for a walk that day or cycle to the city centre. All the activity adds up. But by simple training you can regain your strength. But it goes with ups and downs. Some days are quite good and then suddenly a big setback follows. That's normal. It goes away and then you can slowly pick up the training again. I am positive it will work for you too. 

 

Hang on! You are stronger than you think. 

Thank you for the advice. I am glad you are able to train your brain with slowly easing in the amount of time you walk and doing other things. My symptoms didn't come directly afterwards but hours later. It's so strange. So I'm not sure if that's what it was or not. 

 

I am glad I am not alone in this. I shouldn't keep comparing my pain with others but I still do. 😢 I wish there was a place for all of us to stay and help each other out. I think being around other victims would keep me going. I hope someday somebody opens up a facility for people like us. 

 

I hope you're doing okay and I am sorry you're suffering too. 

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Gemma92

I am coming into conclusion that this is all still due to the last cuts I made. I have not stabilized at all and it seems like my brain is getting worse from shock. The terror is a 10 out of 10. My entire body is trembling in it. My brain feels like it's melting still. The psychotic symptoms are so bad too. 10/10. 

 

Even if the Mirtazapine is adding to the problem, I just can't afford to taper right now. I guess I'll be holding for some time. 4 more months at least and maybe even a year. 

 

Thank you all for the help.

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Gemma92

Quick question:

 

Is it worse to have heightened smell sensitivities or to not being able to smell at all or have a reduced sense of smell? 

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Gemma92

I do not get adrenal surges in the morning anymore because my brain is underworking instead of overworking. So instead I wake up with massive anhedonia and psychotic fears. Mirtazapine and Zyprexa changed my personality and blunted my frontal lobe from feeling anything good. Lexapro and Ativan only gave me physcial symptoms plus anxiety but I was still me. Just sick. 

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Altostrata
20 hours ago, Gemma92 said:

A couple hours or so after I take the Mirtazapine, I get restlessness in my legs and I have to keep moving them. The terror also gets worse during that time too. This happens at night after 10:30pm.

I went out and walked in the cemetery for 20 minutes yesterday. Longest walk yet. I went up hills which was tough for me. When I got back I was fine. I was in my normal hell. Nothing happened until hours after I took the Mirtazapine. I don't know if the restlessness is from feeling the last cut or from the drug itself. I wasn't this bad when I was on 15mg, I know that for sure. 

 

If you regularly get the symptom after taking the drug, it's from the drug, not from withdrawal. Do you want to try reducing mirtazapine from 11mg to 10mg?

 

Please explain what this means, "When I got back I was fine. I was in my normal hell."

 

If I were you, I'd continue to take walks every single day, maybe twice a day. Do some deep, slow breathing while you're walking, too.

 

43 minutes ago, Gemma92 said:

I do not get adrenal surges in the morning anymore because my brain is underworking instead of overworking. So instead I wake up with massive anhedonia and psychotic fears. Mirtazapine and Zyprexa changed my personality and blunted my frontal lobe from feeling anything good. Lexapro and Ativan only gave me physcial symptoms plus anxiety but I was still me. Just sick. 

 

That is a very strange interpretation of what many of us would consider an improvement in symptoms -- cessation of adrenal surges. Your nervous system is settling down.

 

You really need to look at your unrelenting negativity, insisting you are permanently damaged goods, and replaying your resentment about your drugs over and over.

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Gemma92
6 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

If you regularly get the symptom after taking the drug, it's from the drug, not from withdrawal. Do you want to try reducing mirtazapine from 11mg to 10mg?

 

Please explain what this means, "When I got back I was fine. I was in my normal hell."

 

If I were you, I'd continue to take walks every single day, maybe twice a day. Do some deep, slow breathing while you're walking, too.

 

 

That is a very strange interpretation of what many of us would consider an improvement in symptoms -- cessation of adrenal surges. Your nervous system is settling down.

 

You really need to look at your unrelenting negativity, insisting you are permanently damaged goods, and replaying your resentment about your drugs over and over.

Hi Alto, sorry for my repetive posts about the damage. It's such a weird symptom. I am a like a broken record. Even with my sister I say the same thing to her everyday. You all must be so burnt out with me and I am so sorry. Someday I will repay you for all you have done for me with something nice once this is over with. 

 

My normal hell is my psychotic symptoms (paranoia, rage, terror) and anhedonia. At night those symptoms are ramped up plus I get the physical akathisia in my legs and I have more dp/dr at that time too. 

 

I wish I could skip taking the drug for a night and see if I get those symptoms or not. 

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Alice1
1 hour ago, Gemma92 said:

You all must be so burnt out with me and I am so sorry

 

We are 100% not burnt out with you . We are all in this together .. 

 

1 hour ago, Gemma92 said:

I am a like a broken record. Even with my sister I say the same thing to her everyday.

 

100% normal . I still do it with my father after 3 years .

 

1 hour ago, Gemma92 said:

Someday I will repay you for all you have done for me with something nice once this is over with. 

 

Not necessary , but once you start feeling improvement you'll start encouraging others who are just beginning their acute distress , and there will be a lot of them . 

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Gemma92

Thanks @Alice1 I really hope that I will be able to help people going through this someday. I want to stay in this group even if I am healed.

I wish I could open up a place for people to stay. Especially the ones who have been abandoned by their family...-so they don't have to live on the streets. 

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