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Zans
14 hours ago, Gemma92 said:

Thank you! I'm sorry you were going through a rough time! I am glad you have moments where things get a little better.That's a good sign!

Don't worry about not being able to come on my thread when you're feeling sick. I know how bad it can get when in a wave. I've been in a wave for months without any breaks. 

 

Last night I forced myself to visit my cats and it was the weirdwst thing. I felt nothing for them except for an urge to just kill myself. I have absolutely no connections. I pet them and could hardly feel their fur. I sat with my family and couldn't take the commotion all around me. I tried to participate with playing games but I almost just walked out because I couldn't take it. I just realized how really bad and damaged I really am. I felt like I was watching them from outer space. I don't think I can do that again. It's just too much for me... I am tired of faking it. 

 

I hope you're enjoying the New Year! 🎊🎉I hope this year goes better and we will be able to feel love and connections again! 

 

Multiple posts back you wrote that you've been screaming and staying in your room so it looks like a step forward, even though small as it is ☺

 

I'd really advice you again start walking outside. Fresh air and moving slowly will benefit you even if you don't see a point. It should definitely speed up healing more then video games or simply being inside house all the time. 

 

Once I started to force myself go out my overall condition improved immensely. I've felt suicidal first week but now I occassionally feel joy ☺

 

Don't give up!

 

 


Paroxetin 20mg, Lexatonil 3mg - 5 pills total in December 2019 - CT.

 

Coaxil12.5mg, Fluanxol 1mg, Olanzapine 5mg, Bromazepam 3mg, Mirtazapine 30mg, Relanium injections, Zolpidem 10mg  full January - March 2019. CT all.

 

Finlepsin 1/4, Olanzapine 2.5mg, Relanium 5mg, Brintellix 20mg, Imovan mid April - early May 2019. CT all.

 

Brintellix 10mg 2019 May

Brintellix 5mg June - July

Brintellix 5mg August, 4.5mg September 7th - 4.6mg - 5mg ; November 21st - 4.8g December 5th - 4.6mg December 19th - 4.4mg January 3th - 4.2mg 17th - 4mg

 

 

 

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Gemma92
20 hours ago, PgadAdam said:

yeah i prefer to be alone alot of the time so i dont have to keep faking that im able to experience things the same way others expect me to. i hope you start feeling connected with yourself and others at some point in the new year. ❤️

Thank you ☺


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92
12 hours ago, Zans said:

Multiple posts back you wrote that you've been screaming and staying in your room so it looks like a step forward, even though small as it is ☺

 

I'd really advice you again start walking outside. Fresh air and moving slowly will benefit you even if you don't see a point. It should definitely speed up healing more then video games or simply being inside house all the time. 

 

Once I started to force myself go out my overall condition improved immensely. I've felt suicidal first week but now I occassionally feel joy ☺

 

Don't give up!

 

 

Thank you, I hope it's a good sign that I don't scream everyday anymore. Even though the past couple of days I have been. I'll try to go outside more often. It's just so hard when I have constant psychotic thoughts and suicidal urges 24/7. I am scared I am going to go completely psychotic and end up in a hospital again. It just seems like it's getting worse. It used to be sheer terror but it turned into the psychotic terror. And my brain brain still burns. The akathisia still gets pretty bad on top of it. 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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PgadAdam
6 minutes ago, Gemma92 said:

Thank you, I hope it's a good sign that I don't scream everyday anymore. Even though the past couple of days I have been. I'll try to go outside more often. It's just so hard when I have constant psychotic thoughts and suicidal urges 24/7. I am scared I am going to go completely psychotic and end up in a hospital again. It just seems like it's getting worse. It used to be sheer terror but it turned into the psychotic terror. And my brain brain still burns. The akathisia still gets pretty bad on top of it. 

i get the brain burning too, for some reason it's triggered by stress or when i attempt to express emotion. i think its neuropathy

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Erell
18 hours ago, Gemma92 said:

Thank you, I hope it's a good sign that I don't scream everyday anymore. 

It is a good sign dear Gemma !

 

Go outside everytime you can, falling,even just for a few minutes, is good for your CNS. You can do this ❤


2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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India
On 1/2/2020 at 5:38 PM, Gemma92 said:

Thank you ☺

Sometimes being alone is a way to protect ourselves and our nervous systems. It can be healing.


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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India

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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Gemma92

Thanks for the link, @India I'm in a nasty wave and will read it a little later. ☺


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I continue to deteriorate. My neck was spasming today and I'm afraid it's TD. I feel so psychotic and so unhuman that I just want to die. I've been holdong for 3 months now and the akathisia is just getting worse. The 15 to 11mg cut hit me like a truck. There's no way I can come back from this. My body is completely numb and my no taste or smell is getting worse. My brain burns more and more. I am so far from who I once was. I have no personality. 

It just doesn't seem fair that others can do the same amoumt or even more damage than me and yet they're not complete vegetables. I mean I am glad they're not but why am I!? I see myself dead in the near future. I am so unstable that I am borderline psychotic. I get no windows. I used to but ever since an antipsychotic got involved, I lost them. I used to get cold chills but now I feel no cold or hot at all! I am numb to everything! I was CTed from too many potent drugs.I would write more but I am in a huge massive tsunami within my severe waves....


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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PgadAdam
59 minutes ago, Gemma92 said:

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I continue to deteriorate. My neck was spasming today and I'm afraid it's TD. I feel so psychotic and so unhuman that I just want to die. I've been holdong for 3 months now and the akathisia is just getting worse. The 15 to 11mg cut hit me like a truck. There's no way I can come back from this. My body is completely numb and my no taste or smell is getting worse. My brain burns more and more. I am so far from who I once was. I have no personality. 

It just doesn't seem fair that others can do the same amoumt or even more damage than me and yet they're not complete vegetables. I mean I am glad they're not but why am I!? I see myself dead in the near future. I am so unstable that I am borderline psychotic. I get no windows. I used to but ever since an antipsychotic got involved, I lost them. I used to get cold chills but now I feel no cold or hot at all! I am numb to everything! I was CTed from too many potent drugs.I would write more but I am in a huge massive tsunami within my severe waves....

try look at the bigger picture, you might have improvement once your brain has adjusted to not having the drugs in your system. you know it'll be a slow process but i think it's worth fighting for as long as you physically can. not saying we'll fully recover but i have seen alot of success stories who say they are 80% or 90% healed. partial recovery seems to be common because of neuroplasticity. im sorry that you're suffering so much but im suffering right here with you

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India
16 hours ago, Gemma92 said:

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I continue to deteriorate. My neck was spasming today and I'm afraid it's TD. I feel so psychotic and so unhuman that I just want to die. I've been holdong for 3 months now and the akathisia is just getting worse. The 15 to 11mg cut hit me like a truck. There's no way I can come back from this. My body is completely numb and my no taste or smell is getting worse. My brain burns more and more. I am so far from who I once was. I have no personality. 

It just doesn't seem fair that others can do the same amoumt or even more damage than me and yet they're not complete vegetables. I mean I am glad they're not but why am I!? I see myself dead in the near future. I am so unstable that I am borderline psychotic. I get no windows. I used to but ever since an antipsychotic got involved, I lost them. I used to get cold chills but now I feel no cold or hot at all! I am numb to everything! I was CTed from too many potent drugs.I would write more but I am in a huge massive tsunami within my severe waves....

It took me 6 months to stabilise from 6mg to 5.4mg. Also, I now see how any stress can severely impact my symptoms. I also had to start to view myself like a cancer patient fighting for survival, like my mum did. She changed everything about her life and she credits Vidymala Burch's Mindfullness helped with her long term chronic pain and change of circumstance. I found that things got worse before they got better ( for windows), and windows won't yet be fully recovered!!! Fully feelings of health will come later. I do understand taht sometimes it is impossible to get out. I would be in bed for 5 days straight but then I did find that being in nature after months and months and months started to trigger tiny beads of emotion and reality. I also watched alot of brain injury talks because it is a kind of brain injury. I know how every hour can be a battle to survive. I know you have been poly-drugged and I know this is the hardest fight of your life. I tend to make progress when I try to let go of the 'health' I so long and grieve for and find the tiny bits of healing. I really think looking at art books, talking, therapy ( you could do skype therapy), deep breathing and keeping yourself in a tranquil ( if that needs to be solitary) space to keep nervous system calm-- convalesence. Don't have emotional conversations.

I remember reading OSHO once. He says someithing like, don't resist the depression- let it come. Secondary suffering others call it. I still battle, even though I am not as acute as I was ( except for this week when I had a big setback) but now there are some things I am able to do through the haze. I also know that part of recovery was having someone I could express all my rage, fear, suicidal feelings and grief. I needed to go around and and around ( and still do sometimes) to get it all out. ALso, that not feeling human is something a lot of people have expereinced and recovered from.

 

I do believe there is a future for you Gemma. I feel very angry for you and for everyone here that has been exposed to this but we are all togehter fighting this battle.

 

p.s if any of us in WD went near a conventiional psychiatrist now we'd all get a 'psychotic diagnosis'. Psychosis is just extreme stress. They can induce it in the miltary. Everyone's brain is in a HIGH HIGH stress state and it''s the drugs that have caused it.. not you. Eventually your brain will rebalance.

 


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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TurkeyCold
6 hours ago, India said:

It took me 6 months to stabilise from 6mg to 5.4mg. Also, I now see how any stress can severely impact my symptoms. I also had to start to view myself like a cancer patient fighting for survival, like my mum did. She changed everything about her life and she credits Vidymala Burch's Mindfullness helped with her long term chronic pain and change of circumstance. I found that things got worse before they got better ( for windows), and windows won't yet be fully recovered!!! Fully feelings of health will come later. I do understand taht sometimes it is impossible to get out. I would be in bed for 5 days straight but then I did find that being in nature after months and months and months started to trigger tiny beads of emotion and reality. I also watched alot of brain injury talks because it is a kind of brain injury. I know how every hour can be a battle to survive. I know you have been poly-drugged and I know this is the hardest fight of your life. I tend to make progress when I try to let go of the 'health' I so long and grieve for and find the tiny bits of healing. I really think looking at art books, talking, therapy ( you could do skype therapy), deep breathing and keeping yourself in a tranquil ( if that needs to be solitary) space to keep nervous system calm-- convalesence. Don't have emotional conversations.

I remember reading OSHO once. He says someithing like, don't resist the depression- let it come. Secondary suffering others call it. I still battle, even though I am not as acute as I was ( except for this week when I had a big setback) but now there are some things I am able to do through the haze. I also know that part of recovery was having someone I could express all my rage, fear, suicidal feelings and grief. I needed to go around and and around ( and still do sometimes) to get it all out. ALso, that not feeling human is something a lot of people have expereinced and recovered from.

 

I do believe there is a future for you Gemma. I feel very angry for you and for everyone here that has been exposed to this but we are all togehter fighting this battle.

 

p.s if any of us in WD went near a conventiional psychiatrist now we'd all get a 'psychotic diagnosis'. Psychosis is just extreme stress. They can induce it in the miltary. Everyone's brain is in a HIGH HIGH stress state and it''s the drugs that have caused it.. not you. Eventually your brain will rebalance.

 

What an honest and precious post, thank you very much for that! 


Medical history:
11/2015 - Duloxetin 30mg, 12/2015 - Duloxetin 60mg, 4/2016 - CT
8/2016 - Duloxetin 60mg, 2/2017 - Duloxetin 30mg, 4/2017 - CT
7/2017 - Duloxetin 60mg, 9/2017 - Duloxetin 30mg, 11/2017 - CT
3.5.2018 - Milnacipran 25mg, 10.5.2018 - Milnacipran 50mg, 20.5.2018 - Milnacipran 25mg, 24.5.2018 - CT and protracted WD

 

Supplements: none

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Elyssa143

Hi @Gemma92

I wanted to stop by and give you a virtual hug. I too am struggling but slowly painfully healing. But I can relate to what your feeling. We have to hang in there our bodies know how to heal. I understand what your saying and how you feel. I was horrific. Now 22 months later i still struggle very much but i am not as horrific as i was! We will get there.❣


13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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PgadAdam
24 minutes ago, Elyssa143 said:

Hi @Gemma92

I wanted to stop by and give you a virtual hug. I too am struggling but slowly painfully healing. But I can relate to what your feeling. We have to hang in there our bodies know how to heal. I understand what your saying and how you feel. I was horrific. Now 22 months later i still struggle very much but i am not as horrific as i was! We will get there.❣

thank you for your kind words towards gemma, it's a rather good feeling knowing she's met so many people on here who truly care about her wellbeing. im sure her symptoms will begin to ease with time. she'll respond to everyone when shes feeling better, currently going through a bad wave.

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Elyssa143

@PgadAdam i definitely definitely definitely understand! As I am too! But one day, we will all get there! Time is the ultimate healer, as irritating as that is, its true. ❣🙏


13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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India
On 1/6/2020 at 11:09 PM, TurkeyCold said:

What an honest and precious post, thank you very much for that! 

Thank you. It was from the heart. 


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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India

@Gemma92 How are you?


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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India

@icerose87 how is @Gemma92? Did she get a chance to read our messages?


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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icerose87

Gemma is ok. She’s taking a break from posting on here. I think she reads the posts sometimes but doesn’t always have the energy to respond.

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Elyssa143

@icerose87 I completely understand and sometimes is best . Sending her lots of love and light and healing energy. she is not alone, although i know that doesnt help when we are struggling. She will heal, we will all heal.  Hugs to her and you for being there for her.❣


13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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boymom
On 12/4/2019 at 9:18 PM, Gemma92 said:

Thank you, I hope tomorrow will better too. And when I get that first partial window, I won't have to worry anymore. I will alert the group as soon as it happens! 😊

gemma will you please tell me your mental symptoms. i don't know if i can endure theses 


July 30th 2017 took my last bit of zoloft half of 25mg

December 2017 took 1 pill of prozac 10mg (bad reaction); December 2017 went back on zoloft but 50mg

January 2018 they took my down to 25mg zoloft and added lamictal (small dose), stopped lamictal 2 weeks later

Stopped Zoloft summer 2018

July 2018 dr switched me to viibryd not sure of dose for one week and had bad reactions back to zoloft. then psych switched me to lexapro and quickly moved me up to 20mg (when suicidal thoughts began) October 2018 I began weaning myself off of lexapro. now at 5mg

As of 8 weeks ago naturopath added the following:

-100mg capsule of 5htp (am); "Calm" which is 50mg of 5htp and 100mg of beta phenyl gamma aminobutryic acid hydrochloric

1 multivitamin called vitaperfect, 3500 mg. omega 3, 10000mg d3, 1 5mthf 5mg, 2000 mg. vitamin c called adrenal c, 200 mg. GABA at night, 1 cap probiotic

3/20 started on 100 mg. progesterone

200 mg.  s acetyl glutathione 

5mg lexapro

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Zans

How are you miss? ☺


Paroxetin 20mg, Lexatonil 3mg - 5 pills total in December 2019 - CT.

 

Coaxil12.5mg, Fluanxol 1mg, Olanzapine 5mg, Bromazepam 3mg, Mirtazapine 30mg, Relanium injections, Zolpidem 10mg  full January - March 2019. CT all.

 

Finlepsin 1/4, Olanzapine 2.5mg, Relanium 5mg, Brintellix 20mg, Imovan mid April - early May 2019. CT all.

 

Brintellix 10mg 2019 May

Brintellix 5mg June - July

Brintellix 5mg August, 4.5mg September 7th - 4.6mg - 5mg ; November 21st - 4.8g December 5th - 4.6mg December 19th - 4.4mg January 3th - 4.2mg 17th - 4mg

 

 

 

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India

@Gemma92 How are you?


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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Zans

@icerose87 how is your sis? Any improvements?


Paroxetin 20mg, Lexatonil 3mg - 5 pills total in December 2019 - CT.

 

Coaxil12.5mg, Fluanxol 1mg, Olanzapine 5mg, Bromazepam 3mg, Mirtazapine 30mg, Relanium injections, Zolpidem 10mg  full January - March 2019. CT all.

 

Finlepsin 1/4, Olanzapine 2.5mg, Relanium 5mg, Brintellix 20mg, Imovan mid April - early May 2019. CT all.

 

Brintellix 10mg 2019 May

Brintellix 5mg June - July

Brintellix 5mg August, 4.5mg September 7th - 4.6mg - 5mg ; November 21st - 4.8g December 5th - 4.6mg December 19th - 4.4mg January 3th - 4.2mg 17th - 4mg

 

 

 

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icerose87
2 hours ago, Zans said:

@icerose87 how is your sis? Any improvements?

Hi. She’s about the same. The intensity sometimes dies down, but symptoms never leave or change. She mentions a lot about her burning brain, psychotic feelings, numb body, and anhedonia. She cut her Mirtazapine from 11 mg to 10.5 mg.

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India
On 3/12/2020 at 7:44 PM, icerose87 said:

Hi. She’s about the same. The intensity sometimes dies down, but symptoms never leave or change. She mentions a lot about her burning brain, psychotic feelings, numb body, and anhedonia. She cut her Mirtazapine from 11 mg to 10.5 mg.

It’s terrible to know how slow a process this is to heal for many. I hold onto the fact recovery seems to happen slowly over years but does happen eventually. My progress is very very slow. But many make slow progress and then speed up..

I think of @Gemma92 many here do i’m sure.. and we are all on this journey together..


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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pinkfairy

@Gemma92

Hi,I have just been reading your thread and I am so truly sorry for what you are enduring right now. I have been there. I understand the depth and intensity this can get to. But you have to hold on to hope as a life raft. Every single symptom is you’re nervous system healing. 
All the pain all the heart ache and utter sorrow is the actual healing. 

I couldn’t see the bigger picture at all,I couldn’t see the next step even. But everything right now is working in your favour. It doesn’t feel like it but the universe as got your back. 
A wound when cut bleeds and gets extremely sore as the healing is taking place around that area. It’s the same for our cns we just can’t see it. We only can feel it.

No storms last forever. This is one horrendous chapter. But it does end. I didn’t believe it I thought my life was over. It’s just beginning. 
you have to hold on with everything you have got. Grab as many coping skills as you can,distract and accept (this one is a hard one) but it’s a game changer.

I promise you no matter how far gone you think you have gone.Or how lost you are.

Its only when we lose our selfs can we find our selfs. 
you keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep going. Just take it 5 minutes at a time if needs be.
 

This is double totally. Breathe and then breathe some more. 
This is a warriors journey.. I was once handed a box of darkness for many years.

But little did I know there’s treasures to be found in there it was a gift.

 

take care and treat your self like a newborn baby.

you matter ❤️
pink

 


Binge drinker thru out my life 17/37,recreational use of street drugs 17-30. Numerous AD from age 23 upwards

Matazpine 30mg 2007-2012

Paxil an zopiclone 2012-2016

Taken off Paxil in four weeks in janurary 2016

Given diazepam 2-4 feb to June 2016

C/t diazepam June (had no idea not too)

Reinstated 8mg of diazepam in July,crossed over to 8mg of diazepam! given 7.5 matazpine.

Nov 2016 at 5 mg of diazepam

Given Olanzpine 2.5 November 28th-stopped

paxil 1mg 3rd of dec -stopped

Started liquid diazpam 10th of jan.alchol free 13month

February 2018 - reduced to 4 mg diazepam and 7.5 mg mirtazapine

November 2018 - tried 2% diazepam reduction - updosed back to 4 mg after one week

 

 

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Zans

@pinkfairy

Epic words!

 

Hope you're doing at least slightly better @Gemma92


Paroxetin 20mg, Lexatonil 3mg - 5 pills total in December 2019 - CT.

 

Coaxil12.5mg, Fluanxol 1mg, Olanzapine 5mg, Bromazepam 3mg, Mirtazapine 30mg, Relanium injections, Zolpidem 10mg  full January - March 2019. CT all.

 

Finlepsin 1/4, Olanzapine 2.5mg, Relanium 5mg, Brintellix 20mg, Imovan mid April - early May 2019. CT all.

 

Brintellix 10mg 2019 May

Brintellix 5mg June - July

Brintellix 5mg August, 4.5mg September 7th - 4.6mg - 5mg ; November 21st - 4.8g December 5th - 4.6mg December 19th - 4.4mg January 3th - 4.2mg 17th - 4mg

 

 

 

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pinkfairy

@Zansthank you 

 

Keep holding on @Gemma92❤️


Binge drinker thru out my life 17/37,recreational use of street drugs 17-30. Numerous AD from age 23 upwards

Matazpine 30mg 2007-2012

Paxil an zopiclone 2012-2016

Taken off Paxil in four weeks in janurary 2016

Given diazepam 2-4 feb to June 2016

C/t diazepam June (had no idea not too)

Reinstated 8mg of diazepam in July,crossed over to 8mg of diazepam! given 7.5 matazpine.

Nov 2016 at 5 mg of diazepam

Given Olanzpine 2.5 November 28th-stopped

paxil 1mg 3rd of dec -stopped

Started liquid diazpam 10th of jan.alchol free 13month

February 2018 - reduced to 4 mg diazepam and 7.5 mg mirtazapine

November 2018 - tried 2% diazepam reduction - updosed back to 4 mg after one week

 

 

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Cloudskishawna

I've been there before gemma92 but I'm here to tell you it does get better it just takes time and patience I would recommend vacate fear he's a guy in YouTube that teaches the acceptance method which I believe can only help while going through this experience dont argue with thoughts about the symptoms it just what us at the moment see the symptoms as burst of energy in a tired sensitize body and it's trying to heal and it will if we just stop arguing with the mind the reason why I say this is because the brain dosen't know the difference between real danger or a thought meditation is key i thought it would be like this forever that's what I thought back in November but that was another lie the mind loves to tell I hope you can heal stay safe 


Mirtazapine August 10 2019 - Sept 26 2019

Lexapro August 27 2019- August 28 2019 

Trazodone  July 29 2019 - July 31 2019

Didnt like neither of them 

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prairierose

oh my gosh girl. hugs. i have been there. i thougth the burning neverr would stop. the akathisia. i can now drive and go out some. had coffee with two friends today. cried the whole time about my ordeal but i did it. you will too. i just know it. 


2020, October the 2nd

(in this members words)

Off the offending meds now for 1.5 years

Zoloft, Lexapro, then a whole ton of drugs i was destroyed by in hospitals

 

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