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Gemma92

I will continue to hold on the 13.5mg of Mirtazapine. But because my brain has been through a lot in the past year, can it still remodel itself even if my withdrawal feels different than my last withdrawal? What if too much kindling damages it so much that it will never be able to go back? I am withdrawing from every drug class.... All my recepters are damaged. If they all are hurt how can they assit one abother to start the rebuilding process?

 

Does everyone heal? Why do some people say they don't? Will I at least get to the point where I don't have to roll

around on the floor and hide u der my bed?


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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ChessieCat
9 hours ago, Gemma92 said:

Sorry no, I stopped taking it after 2 weeks in last October. 

 

Please add that info about ashwahganda to your drug signature (ie the dates you took it).

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat

REMINDER TO SELF:

I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (caused muscle weakness), Zoloft/sertraline; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (mild Serotonin Toxicity)

Began tapering Oct 2015  Current from 17 Oct 2020:  Pristiq 0.56 mg (compounded + liquid)

My tapering program

My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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ChessieCat
30 minutes ago, Gemma92 said:

I am withdrawing from every drug class

 

Check out GiaK.  She withdrew from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

Her SA success story:  giak-radical-transformative-healing-of-bodymindspirit

 

Her website:  beyondmeds.com/

 


REMINDER TO SELF:

I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (caused muscle weakness), Zoloft/sertraline; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (mild Serotonin Toxicity)

Began tapering Oct 2015  Current from 17 Oct 2020:  Pristiq 0.56 mg (compounded + liquid)

My tapering program

My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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Glosmom

Most people do heal.  You are asking very big questions that take a lot of time to answer.  Focus on the questions you can answer now....such as "Is it more comfortable for me to roll on the floor or lay in my bed?"   "Do I feel safer under the bed or on the couch?"  "Does a banana taste better or a piece of toast?"  "Is this movie helping to distract me or is music better?"   "Does a cool shower or a warm shower feel better on my skin?"   Ask yourself questions like these......versus "Does everybody heal">   But again, yes most people do heal when they follow the recommendations of the moderators and people on this website who are writing that they have healed.   If it helps to read others stories, then do so. If it doesn't help....then don't.

 

Baby steps, Gemma.....baby steps.   You can do this. Glosmom


2016 - Oct -Daughter started Risperdal (for steroid induced psychosis that never went away after stopping prednisone)

Nov - dose increases stopped at 1.5mg in Dec

2017 - Jan- weaned from 1.5 to 1.0 in 2 weeks then 1.0 to .5 in two weeks and then off. Feb. 3 weeks of increased psychosis, pacing, insomnia, other awful symptoms so late Feb  - Back on 1.5 mg Risperdal. May  - decrease to 1.25mg, two weeks later 1.0mg - symptoms started again. June - held steady at 1.25mg for 6 weeks and switched to liquid (3 ml syringe). July - started 10% taper every 3 weeks, October -  .8 mg, December - .7 mg .

2018 -Jan- 0.65 mg,  Feb- 0.59,  Mar-0.50, late April - .40mg, July- .36 mg, Aug - switched from 3 mL syringe to 1 mL syringe for more accuracy (her dad and i were not sure we were giving her the same dose when in between the 'dashes' on the 3 mL syringe.) Aug -.30 mg (3mL syr)/.44 mg (1 mL syr) difference due to med in the tip of both syringes). Sept- .28 mg (3mL syr)/.42 mg (1 mL syr). Oct - .16 mg (3 mL syr)/.30 mg (1 mL syr). Nov.- .06mg (3mL syr)/.20 mg (1mLsyr). Dec. - tip only/unmeasurable (3mL syr)/.10 mg (1mLsyr)

2019- Jan -.06 mg (1 mL syr), Feb- .025 mg (1 mL syr), Feb 27, 2019 - jumped to zero!!

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Gemma92
11 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

 

I updated my signature. 

 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92
11 hours ago, Glosmom said:

Most people do heal.  You are asking very big questions that take a lot of time to answer.  Focus on the questions you can answer now....such as "Is it more comfortable for me to roll on the floor or lay in my bed?"   "Do I feel safer under the bed or on the couch?"  "Does a banana taste better or a piece of toast?"  "Is this movie helping to distract me or is music better?"   "Does a cool shower or a warm shower feel better on my skin?"   Ask yourself questions like these......versus "Does everybody heal">   But again, yes most people do heal when they follow the recommendations of the moderators and people on this website who are writing that they have healed.   If it helps to read others stories, then do so. If it doesn't help....then don't.

 

Baby steps, Gemma.....baby steps.   You can do this. Glosmom

I was doing what I was supposed to do when I was very sick but my family dragged me to the psych wars and drugged me up against my will. The moderaters from the fb groups tried to warn me the dangers but my family said everyone was brainwashing me and to listen to the doctors. I was so sick in a very bad withdrawal and 3 more months of damage were added and more cold turkeys and other drugs. I messed up real bad. 😞😞😞😞 I hope my a miracle I can still heal.

 

The other stories do help me but I always tell myself they healed because they didn't do as much damage as I did. But I will try to take the baby steps with this. 

 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92
11 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Check out GiaK.  She withdrew from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

Her SA success story:  giak-radical-transformative-healing-of-bodymindspirit

 

Her website:  beyondmeds.com/

 

Thank you I will check it out


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

What if I never stabalize because the homemade liquid of the Mirtazapine isn't always accuarate? It's close though. I was on dry pills but was stupid and started my taper too early and went from 15mg to 13.5mg. I had to adjust to the liquid as well. For 8 months my brain was never on a stable dose. 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Glosmom

Just found this below that @drugged posted. 

 

Quote

"For myself I find acceptance is important.  At the end of the day it doesn't matter how I got to this place of polypharmacy and CNS damage (reversible for the most part).  This is where I'm at this moment of this day.  My body and mind are injured and suffering.  The curious scientist in me would like to understand all the mechanisms behind the injury.  The social justice warrior in me wants to change the way our society deals with mental and emotional pain.  The child in me wants to feel better right now so she can run and ride horses and explore the world outside.  These are all parts of me but the body and mind that could make all these things possible needs time and compassion to heal.  My job today is to accept that I'm injured and that it will take time to heal, to allow myself the time to heal"

 

So your job today, Gemma, is to accept that you are injured and allow the time that it will take to heal.  💚 🙂

 

As far as your family goes.....when you are more stable, maybe you can begin to tackle some of the underlying issues that started you on the path of meds in the first place.  Probably not a good idea to do now since you are struggling.  You can decide to look back ,if and when, you are ready.  The lesson that you learned with all the medication stuff.... is to believe in yourself (and the moderators on this site) and know that you know what is best for you....no one else.   Most family members (or people in general...heck even the doctors) do not know anything about withdrawal and the pain and suffering it causes.  Hopefully your family will be supportive to help you heal, but if not, you can still do this.  This website will help to guide you, if you listen.  I am not sure about the measuring of mirtazapine...so hopefully a moderator or others with experience there can help you.  You can do this, Gemma.  Always remember....baby steps.   Hugs, Glosmom


2016 - Oct -Daughter started Risperdal (for steroid induced psychosis that never went away after stopping prednisone)

Nov - dose increases stopped at 1.5mg in Dec

2017 - Jan- weaned from 1.5 to 1.0 in 2 weeks then 1.0 to .5 in two weeks and then off. Feb. 3 weeks of increased psychosis, pacing, insomnia, other awful symptoms so late Feb  - Back on 1.5 mg Risperdal. May  - decrease to 1.25mg, two weeks later 1.0mg - symptoms started again. June - held steady at 1.25mg for 6 weeks and switched to liquid (3 ml syringe). July - started 10% taper every 3 weeks, October -  .8 mg, December - .7 mg .

2018 -Jan- 0.65 mg,  Feb- 0.59,  Mar-0.50, late April - .40mg, July- .36 mg, Aug - switched from 3 mL syringe to 1 mL syringe for more accuracy (her dad and i were not sure we were giving her the same dose when in between the 'dashes' on the 3 mL syringe.) Aug -.30 mg (3mL syr)/.44 mg (1 mL syr) difference due to med in the tip of both syringes). Sept- .28 mg (3mL syr)/.42 mg (1 mL syr). Oct - .16 mg (3 mL syr)/.30 mg (1 mL syr). Nov.- .06mg (3mL syr)/.20 mg (1mLsyr). Dec. - tip only/unmeasurable (3mL syr)/.10 mg (1mLsyr)

2019- Jan -.06 mg (1 mL syr), Feb- .025 mg (1 mL syr), Feb 27, 2019 - jumped to zero!!

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Gemma92
1 hour ago, Glosmom said:

Just found this below that @drugged posted. 

 

 

So your job today, Gemma, is to accept that you are injured and allow the time that it will take to heal.  💚 🙂

 

As far as your family goes.....when you are more stable, maybe you can begin to tackle some of the underlying issues that started you on the path of meds in the first place.  Probably not a good idea to do now since you are struggling.  You can decide to look back ,if and when, you are ready.  The lesson that you learned with all the medication stuff.... is to believe in yourself (and the moderators on this site) and know that you know what is best for you....no one else.   Most family members (or people in general...heck even the doctors) do not know anything about withdrawal and the pain and suffering it causes.  Hopefully your family will be supportive to help you heal, but if not, you can still do this.  This website will help to guide you, if you listen.  I am not sure about the measuring of mirtazapine...so hopefully a moderator or others with experience there can help you.  You can do this, Gemma.  Always remember....baby steps.   Hugs, Glosmom

Thank you for sharing that quote from @drugged

 

I always end up on more drugs and the cycle of kindling never ends for me. In my last withdrawal I wrote in a journal and I said I'd rather die than go on more drugs. I was so ill. And I even said that I was worried I'd end up more and I did over and over again. For 8 months straight I was put on so many. 

 

My sister is really the only one who supports me in this. The others try to understand but they just don't. My dad said that he felt good about himself after he forced me on more drugs. If he only knew the damage he caused me...


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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icerose87

What does the group suggest when someone is already in multiple withdrawals but needs to come off the current drug they are on because it is possibly too activating and causing suicidal urges?

 

This is where we are with Gemma. She can’t hold on the Mirtazapine anymore. She needs to taper now. We’ll go as slow as possible, but I believe this drug is causing all kinds of adverse effects - the most serious being suicidal urges - and I just don’t think it’s fair to ask Gemma to hold when it might be in her best interest to taper. 

 

Thank you for your help and support.

 

 

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Kristine

Dear Gemma and Icerose, I noticed you visited my thread a while ago and just wanted to stop by and offer my support. Just know you are not alone. I am so sorry you are in so much pain Gemma. This is an extremely difficult and life altering experience. I understand. Kindling and polydrugging complicates matters.  I have had to make some difficult decisions regarding my multiple tapers. Most notably due to serotonin syndrome and a paradoxical reaction to diazepam. My faster than recommend tapers have come with pros and cons. I focus on the pros. However, I have been bedbound for the past 4-5 months and I’ve accepted this.  It is a personal choice but if I’ve learnt anything during this process...acceptance is key. Also not to fight the pain. Breath. This helps to stay calm. I thought I’d give you a list of what helps me with some of my symptoms which seem similar to yours. I hope it is helpful.

 

- Avoid stimulation which upsets your nervous system. I avoid bright light, loud noise and toxic people. I’ve created a comfortable sanctuary in my bedroom. 

 

Fan in bedroom: Helps with burning skin and the white noise can help with sleep. I have it on 24/7. Cool showers.

Electric blanket: my best friend for muscle pain and joint pain. I will have my arms above covers because they burn..fan blows on arms.

Invest in new comfortable pillows. Anything to feel comfortable. I sleep on my side with pillows between my legs to help with pain. Two pillows hugged up against my chest and abdomen provide some comfort. 

Frequent linen changes particularly if you sweat a lot like me. When my husband changes my sheets it helps improve my day. I am so grateful for all he does for me. Maybe your sister could do this for you. 

 

On my Bedside table: 

- Ultrasonic essential oil diffuser....Peppermint oil helps with both nausea and headache, migraines and head pressure (in conjunction with cold flannel on forehead, deep slow breathing, dark room and eye mask - works wonders). Rosemary oil helps with thick cog fog. Lavender oil for sleep (I don’t use lavender anymore because it seems to have the opposite effect)

- Vick’s vapour rub. One of my newest additions. I rub it on my chest. Stick my nose under my top and breath deeply. Helps calm panic and anxiety. Also helps with held pressure.Don’t know why but it helps me. 

- large bottle of water. I sweat profusely and need to stay hydrated. 

- glass of soluble magnesium with straw...sip throughout day.

- fish oil tablets. I take two with every main meal. 

- container of mixed nuts...snack throughout the day to keep blood sugar stable. 

- container of uncrystalised ginger. My go to for nausea...also ginger beer. 

 

Do do what works for you. I find I need to adjust on a daily/hourly basis depending on my symptoms. Listen to calming meditation music and breath deeply.. the 4-7-8 breathing method has been a life saver for me. Practice it frequently even if you are feel less anxious. You will find over time you will be able to calm your anxiety and panic using this method. I do it at least 5-10 times per day. But most importantly...everyday when I wake up and last thing at night. Also I listen to podcasts at night when I can’t sleep. My favourite at the moment is ‘Tara Brach’ and ‘The Good life project’.

 

Take care of yourself, K xo

 

 

 


  • Citalopram 20mg - 40mg ~ approx 2010 - October 2015 (stopped over one week)
  • Parnate  20mg - 50mg and olazapine 5mg ~ Jan 2016 - May 2016 (ceased over 2 days) 
  • Lithium 450mg-900 mg and Thyroxin ~May 2016 - May 2017
  • Diazepam various doses (including PRN) ~ 2015 - 2017
  • Oxazepam various doses (including PRN) ~ May 2016 - June 2016
  • Lurasidone 20mg ~Mid May 2016 - Mid June 2016
  • Vortioxetine 10mg - 20mg ~ 6th June 2016 - 20th July 2016 (abruptly ceased)
  • Amitriptyline 200mg ~July 2016 - September 2016 (ceased over 1 week)
  • Nortriptyline  (dose ?) ~October 2016 ~ November 2016 (abruptly ceased)
  • Seroquel XR 100mg - 300mg ~ May 2016 - August 2017 (ceased over 3 weeks)
  • Escitalopram 10mg - 30mg ~ August 2016 - March 2017 (ceased over 2 weeks)
  • Bupropion 300mg ~ December 2016 - May 2017 (ceased over 1 week)
  • Clonazepam 1.5mg daily ~ July 2016 (started tapering May 2017 - September 2017 currently on 0.375mg..ie 0.125mg TDS) 27th May 2018 5% 0.357mg (possible paradoxical reaction - see benzo thread)  28th June 5% 0.337mg, 28th July 10% 0.303mg, 12th September10% 0.272mg, 18th September reinstated 10% due to intolerable WD 0.303mg, 1st October-11th Oct 10% (1% reduction over 10 days) 0.272mg, 22nd October clonazepam ceased crossed over 10mg diazepam
  •  Dexamphatamine 20mg ~ December 2016 (started tapering October 2017 - tapered 1.25mg 4th Dec 2017, 1.25mg 19th Dec 2017 6.25mg, Speed up decrease due to major interaction between Dex and fluoxetine- ref to thread 10% 17th Feb 2018 5.63mg, 10% 21st Feb 2018 5.1mg, 10% 26th Feb 2018 4.5mg 10% 28th Feb 4.1mg, 10% 1st March 3.7mg, 10% 5th March 3.3mg, 10% 8th March 3mg, 10% 10th March 2.7mg, 10% 12th March 2.4mg, 10% 14th March 2.16mg, 10% 16th March 1.94mg, 10% 18th March 1.74mg, 10% 20th March 1.57mg, 10% 21st March 1.41mg, 10% 22nd March 1.26mg, 10% 23rd March 1.13mg, 10% 24th March 1.01mg, 10% 25th March 0.9mg, 10% 27th March 0.81mg, 10% 29th March 0.73mg, 10% 31st March 0.66mg, 10% 2nd April 0.59mg , 10% 4th April 0.53mg, 10% 6th April 0.47mg, 10% 8th April 0.42mg, 10%10th April 0.37mg, 11th April 0.2mg, 12th April 0.1mg (last dose) OFF! 
  • Fluoxetine 40mg ~December 2016 -.31 Jan 2018 reduced to 20mg (probable serotonin toxicity) 10th March 2020 10mg, 7th April 9mg, 1st May 8.5mg, 15th May 8.0mg, 27th May 7.5mg, 8th Sept 7.2mg, 2nd Oct 7mg, 19th Oct 6.8mg, 28th Oct 6.6mg 
  • Diazepam 10mg ~ 22nd Oct 2018, 10th November 8mg, 14th Nov 7mg, 8th December 6mg, 30th December 5mg (Nocte), 7th March 2019 4.5mg,14th March 4mg, 5th April 3.5mg, 9th April 3mg, 18th April 2.5mg,1st May 2mg, 17th May 1.75mg, 25th May 1.6mg, 4th June 1.59mg, 5th June 1.58mg, 6th June 1.57mg, 7th June 1.56mg, 8th June 1.55mg, 22nd June 1.4mg, 4th July 1.2mg, 16th July 1mg, 30th July 0.8mg, 13th Aug 0.6mg, 28th Aug 0.4mg, 10th Sept 0.2mg, 23rd Sept Off! 
  • SR Circadin 2mg (melatonin) 25th May - 20th June 
  • Zolpidem 10mg 25th May (7 tablets)
  • Supplements: Magnesium glycinate (soluble - sip throughout the day) 

 

"Whenever you feel yourself doubting how far you can go,  just remember how far you have come.  Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome"    Unknown 

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Gemma92

@Kristine , thank you for taking the time coming on my post and giving me the list of things that are helping you! I am going to try some of the stuff, especially the breathing exercises. I used to love music and always listened to it every day. Now I am terrified of it and am so scared to give it another dry. Even the relaxing kind gives me horror. But I can try it again.

It's all great advice and I am happy it's been working for you! I like how positive you are. That is definitely something I need to do to get better because I always tell myself that there is no point in trying because I ask myself, "What if this is permanent damage?" I believe I have been floxed and also had severely adverse effects in the year where I was kindled. I was so sick and bedound when they kept adding more drugs. Amd being a short term user makes it all the worse because I am extra senstive to the drugs than most people.

 

I have a couple questions if that's okay:

-I see you were on Zyprexa in your signature. When they took you off, did you get bad mental symptoms? After they cold turkeyed me off, I got slammed with mental torment withdrawal.

 

-Were you ever on any antibiotics throughout your withdrawal? And if so, did they make you worse?

 

-Did you ever cry for hours? I do everyday and sometimes I lay on the bathroom floor just screaming in mental pain.

 

I can always go on your thread to ask these questions too if it'd better for you to answer them there. 

 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Kristine

Dear Gemma, You are more than welcome. I know how terrifying this process can be and I am pleased I could help in some small way.  There is no need to try to listen to meditation music if you find it activating. I would listen to children’s stories on audible for many months...that was about 18 months ago. Sometimes it is trial and error. 

1 hour ago, Gemma92 said:

-I see you were on Zyprexa in your signature. When they took you off, did you get bad mental symptoms? After they cold turkeyed me off, I got slammed with mental torment withdrawal.

I was CTed off zyprexa and parnate at the same time whilst an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital (2016) I was suffering protracted withdrawal from 40mg of citalopram but didn’t know this at the time. Yes, I suffered terrible mental torture...was prescribed a further 14 medications and subjected 15 rounds of ECT. I got much much worse. 

1 hour ago, Gemma92 said:

Were you ever on any antibiotics throughout your withdrawal? And if so, did they make you worse?

Yes (2018) Prescribed for a kidney infection after a surgical procedure. Not sure if it made me worse...I was so sick for multiple reasons. 

 

1 hour ago, Gemma92 said:

Did you ever cry for hours? I do everyday and sometimes I lay on the bathroom floor just screaming in mental pain.

I know this feeling Gemma. I am so sorry. I do cry but not for hours. Personally I think crying is a normal healthy response to pain and often fear. I have had a few episodes where the crying has become this seemingly uncontrollable sobbing. It just makes all my symptoms worse. You can’t breath properly when crying like that and it can lead to more distress and hyperventilating which feeds the panic. I try to recognise these feelings before it erupts into a volcano and implement calming self care. I’m not always successful. 

 

Love, K xo

 


  • Citalopram 20mg - 40mg ~ approx 2010 - October 2015 (stopped over one week)
  • Parnate  20mg - 50mg and olazapine 5mg ~ Jan 2016 - May 2016 (ceased over 2 days) 
  • Lithium 450mg-900 mg and Thyroxin ~May 2016 - May 2017
  • Diazepam various doses (including PRN) ~ 2015 - 2017
  • Oxazepam various doses (including PRN) ~ May 2016 - June 2016
  • Lurasidone 20mg ~Mid May 2016 - Mid June 2016
  • Vortioxetine 10mg - 20mg ~ 6th June 2016 - 20th July 2016 (abruptly ceased)
  • Amitriptyline 200mg ~July 2016 - September 2016 (ceased over 1 week)
  • Nortriptyline  (dose ?) ~October 2016 ~ November 2016 (abruptly ceased)
  • Seroquel XR 100mg - 300mg ~ May 2016 - August 2017 (ceased over 3 weeks)
  • Escitalopram 10mg - 30mg ~ August 2016 - March 2017 (ceased over 2 weeks)
  • Bupropion 300mg ~ December 2016 - May 2017 (ceased over 1 week)
  • Clonazepam 1.5mg daily ~ July 2016 (started tapering May 2017 - September 2017 currently on 0.375mg..ie 0.125mg TDS) 27th May 2018 5% 0.357mg (possible paradoxical reaction - see benzo thread)  28th June 5% 0.337mg, 28th July 10% 0.303mg, 12th September10% 0.272mg, 18th September reinstated 10% due to intolerable WD 0.303mg, 1st October-11th Oct 10% (1% reduction over 10 days) 0.272mg, 22nd October clonazepam ceased crossed over 10mg diazepam
  •  Dexamphatamine 20mg ~ December 2016 (started tapering October 2017 - tapered 1.25mg 4th Dec 2017, 1.25mg 19th Dec 2017 6.25mg, Speed up decrease due to major interaction between Dex and fluoxetine- ref to thread 10% 17th Feb 2018 5.63mg, 10% 21st Feb 2018 5.1mg, 10% 26th Feb 2018 4.5mg 10% 28th Feb 4.1mg, 10% 1st March 3.7mg, 10% 5th March 3.3mg, 10% 8th March 3mg, 10% 10th March 2.7mg, 10% 12th March 2.4mg, 10% 14th March 2.16mg, 10% 16th March 1.94mg, 10% 18th March 1.74mg, 10% 20th March 1.57mg, 10% 21st March 1.41mg, 10% 22nd March 1.26mg, 10% 23rd March 1.13mg, 10% 24th March 1.01mg, 10% 25th March 0.9mg, 10% 27th March 0.81mg, 10% 29th March 0.73mg, 10% 31st March 0.66mg, 10% 2nd April 0.59mg , 10% 4th April 0.53mg, 10% 6th April 0.47mg, 10% 8th April 0.42mg, 10%10th April 0.37mg, 11th April 0.2mg, 12th April 0.1mg (last dose) OFF! 
  • Fluoxetine 40mg ~December 2016 -.31 Jan 2018 reduced to 20mg (probable serotonin toxicity) 10th March 2020 10mg, 7th April 9mg, 1st May 8.5mg, 15th May 8.0mg, 27th May 7.5mg, 8th Sept 7.2mg, 2nd Oct 7mg, 19th Oct 6.8mg, 28th Oct 6.6mg 
  • Diazepam 10mg ~ 22nd Oct 2018, 10th November 8mg, 14th Nov 7mg, 8th December 6mg, 30th December 5mg (Nocte), 7th March 2019 4.5mg,14th March 4mg, 5th April 3.5mg, 9th April 3mg, 18th April 2.5mg,1st May 2mg, 17th May 1.75mg, 25th May 1.6mg, 4th June 1.59mg, 5th June 1.58mg, 6th June 1.57mg, 7th June 1.56mg, 8th June 1.55mg, 22nd June 1.4mg, 4th July 1.2mg, 16th July 1mg, 30th July 0.8mg, 13th Aug 0.6mg, 28th Aug 0.4mg, 10th Sept 0.2mg, 23rd Sept Off! 
  • SR Circadin 2mg (melatonin) 25th May - 20th June 
  • Zolpidem 10mg 25th May (7 tablets)
  • Supplements: Magnesium glycinate (soluble - sip throughout the day) 

 

"Whenever you feel yourself doubting how far you can go,  just remember how far you have come.  Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome"    Unknown 

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Gemma92

 

6 hours ago, Kristine said:

Dear Gemma, You are more than welcome. I know how terrifying this process can be and I am pleased I could help in some small way.  There is no need to try to listen to meditation music if you find it activating. I would listen to children’s stories on audible for many months...that was about 18 months ago. Sometimes it is trial and error. 

I was CTed off zyprexa and parnate at the same time whilst an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital (2016) I was suffering protracted withdrawal from 40mg of citalopram but didn’t know this at the time. Yes, I suffered terrible mental torture...was prescribed a further 14 medications and subjected 15 rounds of ECT. I got much much worse. 

Yes (2018) Prescribed for a kidney infection after a surgical procedure. Not sure if it made me worse...I was so sick for multiple reasons. 

 

I know this feeling Gemma. I am so sorry. I do cry but not for hours. Personally I think crying is a normal healthy response to pain and often fear. I have had a few episodes where the crying has become this seemingly uncontrollable sobbing. It just makes all my symptoms worse. You can’t breath properly when crying like that and it can lead to more distress and hyperventilating which feeds the panic. I try to recognise these feelings before it erupts into a volcano and implement calming self care. I’m not always successful. 

 

Love, K xo

 

Thank you so much for answering my questions. I am so sorry we and many others had to get treated like lab rats. I love your positive attitude despite the horror you've been through. A lot of the people on here are so positive and help me and I end up ranting on how I am the worst case. 

 

Do you get full windows? I only had them before I was kindled. Now I hardly ever get a break. My last partial window was months ago. I am stuck in 24/7 horror and terror. 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

Is it a bad sign I used to get windows and don't anymore? Not even partials? 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

Current symptoms: 

-Melting in terror and fear. I am afraid of smells, sounds and touch. 

-burning brain/head pressure

-anhedonia

-suicidal thoughts/urges

-crying 

-Intrusive memories

-Agoraphobia

 

I'm trying to remember what normal feels like but can't. I feel like I am in space and watching everyone live their happy lives on Earth. 😞 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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lexapoison
11 minutes ago, Gemma92 said:

Current symptoms: 

-Melting in terror and fear. I am afraid of smells, sounds and touch. 

-burning brain/head pressure

-anhedonia

-suicidal thoughts/urges

-crying 

-Intrusive memories

-Agoraphobia

 

I'm trying to remember what normal feels like but can't. I feel like I am in space and watching everyone live their happy lives on Earth. 😞 

 

I’ve been following your story and this is literally how I’ve been feeling, minus the fear of smells and touch and the crying for hours, but we have very similar symptoms and I was only on Lexapro for 5 weeks and tapered over a month.

 

I am completely consumed by terror and fear, I cry I yell because I’m suffering too much, I do nothing all day but think and talk about the hell I'm in, my forehead burns horribly and has tight pressure all the time, anhedonia is so strong I think this is what truly makes us feel not human, SI literally all the time but when I really get deep thinking about it I realize yes I really don’t want to live like this but I also don’t want to die, I just want relief and to feel better, I’ve also told my family to drive me out to the woods and leave me there many of times, when it gets overwhelming I cry a lot also but not for hours, intrusive memories that’s funny you say that because I get them literally all the time and I thought that it was only me and also a lot of random emotions and feelings constantly pop up randomly throughout the day, agoraphobia I have as well but I think mine stems a lot from the fact that when I see normal people, doing normal things it makes me extremely jealous and brings my stress levels way up and makes all of my symptoms much much worse so when I think about going out it scares me because I will see a lot of normal people and it’s gna drive me crazy.

 

Other than that I have horrible akathisia, an insane amount of dp/dr, insomnia, extreme sensitivity to lights and sounds, and a lot of anxiety and panic pretty much constantly. I have many physical symptoms as well but I can live with them, it’s the mental things that kill me. I too forgot what it’s like to be normal and try to remember always.

 

I’ve lost all of my family except my mom, all of my friends, gf of years, job, everything in this short time. They all want me to get medical help and get on more medication, mind you I was perfectly normal before Lexapro my entire life.

 

I don’t know exactly how you’re feeling or what you’re going through but I know you’ve been through a lot, a lot more than I have, but from following your story we have a lot of similar symptoms and I was only on lexapro for 5 weeks and tapered over a month. Don’t worry about the cocktail of drugs you’ve been on we all recover in the end. Also everyone’s body is different, you may very well recover faster than I do, nobody knows but what we do know is that you will recover. Your story is very inspiring and I will keep you in my prayers. You’re going to recover.


Lexapro: 5/19: 10mg 5 weeks (adverse reaction)

6/19: 5mg 2 weeks (bad withdrawals);

7/19: 2.5 mg 2 weeks (bad withdrawals)

7/12/19 0mg Lexapro (hell)

Celexa RI:  8/14/19: 0.5mg (adverse reaction)

8/15/19: skipped

8/16/19:  0.25mg

8/17/19:  0.25mg

Lexapro RI:  9/14/19 - 10/12/19: 0.125mg-0.03mg (adverse reaction)

Ativan8/19/19- 9/10/19: took 0.5mg every 3-5 days to help with Lexapro WD.

9/10/19 - current: 0.5mg

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Gemma92

lexapoison, Thank you for stopping by and posting here. I am so sorry you are suffering like this too. It's worse than hell. It's unnatural, inhumane and pure torture.

I too talk about my symptoms all day. I can't talk about anything else. I lost a lot of family and friends too. Luckily I have my sister who believes me. 

You were hardly on any drugs ever. I saw on your thread you want to reinstate Lexapro. If you haven't already, please be very careful. I reinstated when I was 8 weeks off and they made me stay on it for 4 weeks. It made me 100 times worse. And I almost died from losing so much weight. The more drugs you take, the harder it will be to not take more. It's a sick cycle and I went through that cycle for 8 months. I reinstaed on Mirtazapine and Zyprexa by force and I got so suicidal that the police handcuffed me and took me to the pysch ward. 

 

Do you have windows where your synptoms are gone or at a bearable level? If so, that is proof you will heal. I used to get them and when I went on more drugs, all my windows closed. Now I roll on the floor and scream in agony. You are bad now but PLEASE do not make yourself worse because the drug merry-go-round will start and then you will wish you never reinstated. 

 

Thank you for saying that I will heal. I have been severely kindled and floxed for so long that I hope for a miracle someday. You will heal 100%. You are so early out still. Give it time. Don't make your story into a horror one like mine.

 

And thank you for the prayers, I will keep you in mine as well! 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed quote added name

90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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lexapoison

I’m not sure if I have windows? Not sure what they feel like? Sometimes it feels bearable like now as I’m writing this but I think it’s cause I’m just not thinking so deeply about everything but all of my symptoms are still there so I’m not sure if that’s a window.

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed quote

Lexapro: 5/19: 10mg 5 weeks (adverse reaction)

6/19: 5mg 2 weeks (bad withdrawals);

7/19: 2.5 mg 2 weeks (bad withdrawals)

7/12/19 0mg Lexapro (hell)

Celexa RI:  8/14/19: 0.5mg (adverse reaction)

8/15/19: skipped

8/16/19:  0.25mg

8/17/19:  0.25mg

Lexapro RI:  9/14/19 - 10/12/19: 0.125mg-0.03mg (adverse reaction)

Ativan8/19/19- 9/10/19: took 0.5mg every 3-5 days to help with Lexapro WD.

9/10/19 - current: 0.5mg

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Gemma92

Sounds like a partial window. They count as healing. They will eventually turn into full windows. 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed quote

90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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lexapoison

Very hopeful. I don’t need to get back to being perfect so quick, I just want to get to a place where my symptoms are somewhat bearable.

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed quote

Lexapro: 5/19: 10mg 5 weeks (adverse reaction)

6/19: 5mg 2 weeks (bad withdrawals);

7/19: 2.5 mg 2 weeks (bad withdrawals)

7/12/19 0mg Lexapro (hell)

Celexa RI:  8/14/19: 0.5mg (adverse reaction)

8/15/19: skipped

8/16/19:  0.25mg

8/17/19:  0.25mg

Lexapro RI:  9/14/19 - 10/12/19: 0.125mg-0.03mg (adverse reaction)

Ativan8/19/19- 9/10/19: took 0.5mg every 3-5 days to help with Lexapro WD.

9/10/19 - current: 0.5mg

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Gemma92

You will and I see you posting a success story in the near future. I read a lot of stories like yours and all of them have healed. The ones I worry about are the ones like mine. But like you said, everyone eventually heals. So I will try to hang on for a little longer. 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed quote

90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

I cut the Mirtazapine from 13.5mg to 13.45mg and will hold there for awhile. 

 

What happens if I never get stable? Won't it only make it harder to taper? 

 

Does this damage show up on brain scans? If it does, can it still heal?


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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ChessieCat

REMINDER TO SELF:

I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (caused muscle weakness), Zoloft/sertraline; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (mild Serotonin Toxicity)

Began tapering Oct 2015  Current from 17 Oct 2020:  Pristiq 0.56 mg (compounded + liquid)

My tapering program

My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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Gemma92

90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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ChessieCat

You are welcome.  I'm assuming that if you had a brain scan done that they would find a brain!  🤣


REMINDER TO SELF:

I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (caused muscle weakness), Zoloft/sertraline; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (mild Serotonin Toxicity)

Began tapering Oct 2015  Current from 17 Oct 2020:  Pristiq 0.56 mg (compounded + liquid)

My tapering program

My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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Gemma92
15 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

You are welcome.  I'm assuming that if you had a brain scan done that they would find a brain!  🤣

I think they'd actually find a pile of mush instead of a brain...😭


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

Can I skip a day from taking Mirtazapine just to see if it has been giving me a paradoxial reaction? 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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ChessieCat

It can difficult to pin point one thing when there are so many things in the mix.  I'd start with the simplest thing first.

 

If you are still taking the ashwahganda, if it was me I'd be doing a fast taper off that.  I asked about this back on 27th August and can't see a response (at a glance).

 

And then there are these:

 

Q:  How long have you been taking CBD oil?

 

Q:  When did you take the antibiotics?  They may still be having an effect.

 

Q:  You mention hydroxyzine, benadryl, steroids and pain killers.  Do you take those every day or intermittently.  Might be worth investing those too.

 

Skipping days is not recommended.  I'd be trying other things first, but the better way to find out if a drug is causing an issue might be to move it by 1 hour each day and keep daily symptom notes.  If the pattern of your symptoms changes then it may be the drug causing a problem.


REMINDER TO SELF:

I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (caused muscle weakness), Zoloft/sertraline; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (mild Serotonin Toxicity)

Began tapering Oct 2015  Current from 17 Oct 2020:  Pristiq 0.56 mg (compounded + liquid)

My tapering program

My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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Gemma92

I stopped the Ashwahganda awhile ago. I put it in my signature. The last antibiotic and steroids I was on was in February this year. The pain killers were only for 4 days and the sleeping pills were taken in September, December, January and February. So I haven't taken anything for 6 months except for the Mirtazapine and ibprofen for my cramps ecery month for a few days. 

 

The cbd oil I used maybe 10 times but that was over 6 months ago. I also took gaba gummies occasionally too but nothing recently. 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed quote

90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

Oh and I'll try moving it an hour early but I never really take it the exact same time everyday. I take it anywhere from 8:30 to 11pm. So I'll start taking it at 10:30pm regular and then I'll change it to 9:30pm after awhile.


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

Sorry if my spelling and writing is that of a 4th grader. My brain is destroyed. 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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ChessieCat
12 minutes ago, Gemma92 said:

I take it anywhere from 8:30 to 11pm. So I'll start taking it at 10:30pm regular and then I'll change it to 9:30pm after awhile.

 

Okay that might be the problem.  It's a 2.5 hour difference if taken early then late, or late then early on 2 consecutive days.  Inconsistent time of taking drug causes issues for some people.

 

Try taking at a regular time for a while and see if things improve.  Don't move the dose time yet.

 

 

This part of your drug signature is confusing because it can be read as being current supplements.  Could you please try and clarify this.  Thanks.

 

Supplements used: Ashwahganda October 2018 for 2 weeks,Omega 3s, Magnesium, cbd oil

Other drugs:5 different antibiotics,hydroxyzine, benadrly, steroids and pain killers


REMINDER TO SELF:

I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (caused muscle weakness), Zoloft/sertraline; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (mild Serotonin Toxicity)

Began tapering Oct 2015  Current from 17 Oct 2020:  Pristiq 0.56 mg (compounded + liquid)

My tapering program

My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Share this post


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Gemma92

@ChessieCat

Thank you for the help. I'll fix my signature. 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

What's the point in trying anymore? Zyprexa took my love for people and animals away. Why do people always say Zyprexa is the one drug that gives permanent damage? 

 

I didn't ask for this. Why do I have to suffer!? My life is a total nightmare!!! I have psychotic fears from that dang drug! I was already a severe case and they had to go throw me on a pro-psychotic. They made me crazy. I was a perfectly normal human being. Now I growl and bite my legs. I scream in agony. My brain burns like hell. I cry 24/7. And people come and tell me that Zyprexa cold turkeys cause permanent damage. It was forced on me and then forced off. I was never on these drugs for long and getting polydrugged and having several CTs just finished me off and it only took one year. Forgive me for my negativity. It's the drug damage talking, not me. This isn't me.

 

I am fast tapering off the Mirtazapine because I am not healing while holding on it. I have been holding for months. It's adding to my pain. 

 

If I survive this, I am going to put an end this drug Holocaust. Nobody, I mean NOBODY should have to see hell the way I have and still am. I will not allow it. No human being should have to be tortured like this. These psychiatrists treat us like a piece of trash. It's all about the power and money. As long as they have their nice cars and fancy homes, they don't give a dang with how much me and others are suffering! 

Edited by brassmonkey
Removed Threatening Language.

90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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