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Gemma92

I would have been off all drugs 1 year and 11 days today if I wouldn't have been forced on more drugs and switched around like crazy. I knew I would have healed from that but now things are horredous. My symptoms were always changing. Now my symptoms are 24/7 constant mental torture. They never leave me and I can now feel the deep structural changes in my brain. My brain hurts all day and I walk around like I am ******* 90 years old. I am on disablity now because of what these drugs did to me last year. A 27 year old is bedbound. Think about that...--FROM PRESCRIPTION DRUGS!¬†And I have yet to get off the last toxin. Lexapro was bad but Mirtazapine and Zyprexa gave me torture that I never knew a human being could edure. God have mercy on me if I don't make this out alive. ūüėĒ

 

I wish I had some good news for once but I don't. I just want to freaking feel like a human being again with emotions. Who would have ever thought feeling normal was something one could lose over night!? 

 

I tried watching a movie with my dad last night. It's the same "excitement" one would get with watching paint dry. No connection to the characters what so ever. Complete anhedonia and psychosis. Amd no concept of time. I am 50% brain dead. A walking vegetable. My entire body is numb. Maybe I have already been ****** and I am now suffering for all eternity. ūüėĒ Suffering isn't even the wors for this. I don't think there are any words that can describe this.¬†


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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icerose87
11 hours ago, Gemma92 said:

I would have been off all drugs 1 year and 11 days today if I wouldn't have been forced on more drugs and switched around like crazy. I knew I would have healed from that but now things are horredous. My symptoms were always changing. Now my symptoms are 24/7 constant mental torture. They never leave me and I can now feel the deep structural changes in my brain. My brain hurts all day and I walk around like I am ******* 90 years old. I am on disablity now because of what these drugs did to me last year. A 27 year old is bedbound. Think about that...--FROM PRESCRIPTION DRUGS!¬†And I have yet to get off the last toxin. Lexapro was bad but Mirtazapine and Zyprexa gave me torture that I never knew a human being could edure. God have mercy on me if I don't make this out alive. ūüėĒ

 

I wish I had some good news for once but I don't. I just want to freaking feel like a human being again with emotions. Who would have ever thought feeling normal was something one could lose over night!? 

 

I tried watching a movie with my dad last night. It's the same "excitement" one would get with watching paint dry. No connection to the characters what so ever. Complete anhedonia and psychosis. Amd no concept of time. I am 50% brain dead. A walking vegetable. My entire body is numb. Maybe I have already been ****** and I am now suffering for all eternity. ūüėĒ Suffering isn't even the wors for this. I don't think there are any words that can describe this.¬†

Gemma is my sister. I’m scared for her. She’s not doing well. I want her back. Please pray for her. She is really struggling. 

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India
19 hours ago, Gemma92 said:

Complete anhedonia and psychosis

@Gemma92It’s not you Gemma. It’s the withdrawal. I had the most disturbed things going on in my head.. My feeling is that it’s the rebound effect- causes extreme stress state in brain. They do it in the military- break ppl down.. anyone can lose it under extreme stress. You aren’t a label.

@Gemma92‚ÄėS sister. She has been traumatised by the experience. Can you find her a trauma therapist that does not believe in labels and understands she has basically been traumatised by this experience and who isn‚Äôt trying to push meds. My therapist has helped me keep going. She has read Foucault¬†¬†. She is a body psychotherapist.¬†

Someone professional and outside of the family to help her through. I was in such hell that I feel ill talking about it , but I got through.

i think she needs a lot of love. can you massage her? That helped me a lot in the beginning . 


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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India
20 hours ago, Gemma92 said:

don't. I just want to freaking feel like a human being again with emotions. Who would have ever thought feeling normal was something one could lose over night!? 

I know. ūü§óThis is the worst part but healing will happen. I felt like I was holding on to the edge of a cliff in those early days.

Gemma’s sister.. can you show her some Baylissa Frederick? Also, what about contacting Kelly Brogan MD? I watched the cep withdrawal videos over and over in the early days. Show her.

 

Poor darling girl. It makes me so angry that this is being done to people.  

 

I’ll put in the videos links?

 

Gemma might relate to this young woman;

Also search for Nora podcast on ‚ÄúLet‚Äôs Talk¬†Withdrawal‚ÄĚ


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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India
20 hours ago, Gemma92 said:

 

I would have been off all drugs 1 year and 11 days today if I wouldn't have been forced on more drugs and switched around like crazy.

 

This is where one of the traumas lie.


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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India
On 12/1/2018 at 12:08 AM, icerose87 said:

She self diagnosed herself with Lexapro withdrawals, adverse reactions, kindling, neurotoxicity, and brain damage. 

This shows she is able to fight for a way to survive, a life force. She can trust herself !


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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India
20 hours ago, Gemma92 said:

tried watching a movie with my dad last night. It's the same "excitement" one would get with watching paint dry.

I had this mixed with terror of even the most benign tv show and then also an inability to process what was being said by the actors. I can now watch films again. You will again.


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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India
On 10/2/2019 at 7:58 PM, Gemma92 said:

If I am being repetitive, please forgive me.

You want reassurance like any human being in this experience would. The body wants to heal. My mum always told me that. 


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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Gemma92

@India Thank you for your support. I have actually had a phone consultation with Baylissa and even Ann Blake Tracy. The mental akathisia is so intense. I am glad the terror part of it calmed down for you. I feel like I just added more years of suffering by tapering from 15 to 11mg fairly quick. I should have just stayed put. For now on, I'll hold. I'll hold for 8 months if I have to. 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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India
10 hours ago, Gemma92 said:

@India Thank you for your support. I have actually had a phone consultation with Baylissa and even Ann Blake Tracy. The mental akathisia is so intense. I am glad the terror part of it calmed down for you. I feel like I just added more years of suffering by tapering from 15 to 11mg fairly quick. I should have just stayed put. For now on, I'll hold. I'll hold for 8 months if I have to. 

Yes, I held after a cold turkey for 6 months.  I also recently read the benzobuddies success stories. Different drug but same suffering. Keep telling yourself you are a warrior in the eye of a storm.


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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India
On 10/12/2019 at 10:39 PM, Gemma92 said:

@India Thank you for your support. I have actually had a phone consultation with Baylissa and even Ann Blake Tracy. The mental akathisia is so intense. I am glad the terror part of it calmed down for you. I feel like I just added more years of suffering by tapering from 15 to 11mg fairly quick. I should have just stayed put. For now on, I'll hold. I'll hold for 8 months if I have to. 

@Gemma92 Have a read of the dear @intothewoods who suffers from Akathisia and has some uplifting posts. I don’t know Ann Blake Tracey. I do know what it’s like, .. it gives you a 5 second relief and then back to the fear again and so and so. Just keep find different things to distract, over and over again. Imagine yourself as Joan of Arc or Queen Bodecia. For instance, I looked at art books that used to  fill me with joy but now seemed to have zero effect. Nature too. I felt on some level these were helping neurogenesis, stimulating the brain. Eventually my first wave  came out of that; exposing myself to the things that used to bring  me pleasure . Performing the motions of things that would in the past have brought me joy. Little tiny steps. You will get a window and when that happens you will gain all the will to keep going.

Do you know Frida Kahlo? Look her up. She has an inspiring story . Also, for anhedonia- touch works well. Can one of your family massage you? Or perhaps a masseuse who you could trust?

 

What did Baylissa say? Anything that resonated?


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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Gemma92
7 hours ago, India said:

@Gemma92 Have a read of the dear @intothewoods who suffers from Akathisia and has some uplifting posts. I don’t know Ann Blake Tracey. I do know what it’s like, .. it gives you a 5 second relief and then back to the fear again and so and so. Just keep find different things to distract, over and over again. Imagine yourself as Joan of Arc or Queen Bodecia. For instance, I looked at art books that used to  fill me with joy but now seemed to have zero effect. Nature too. I felt on some level these were helping neurogenesis, stimulating the brain. Eventually my first wave  came out of that; exposing myself to the things that used to bring  me pleasure . Performing the motions of things that would in the past have brought me joy. Little tiny steps. You will get a window and when that happens you will gain all the will to keep going.

Do you know Frida Kahlo? Look her up. She has an inspiring story . Also, for anhedonia- touch works well. Can one of your family massage you? Or perhaps a masseuse who you could trust?

 

What did Baylissa say? Anything that resonated?

Thank you. I'll check out their thread! And I love Joan of Arc! I always looked up to her! I am definitely in a battle, that's for sure and it seems like the enemy has won. 

I try to do the things that I used to love but it's just so hard. I have severe mental akathisa. I hope my brain will be able to get back to how it once was. Did you get windows while on a drug still? It seems like half of the peoole tell me the true healing happens off all drugs and others say it can heal while still on it. 

Baylissa told me of a severe case that healed. But I don't know if anyone is really as bad as me. How many people were cold turkeyed 5 times like me and put on the top 3 most dangerous drugs...? ūüėĘI don't have a lot of symptoms but the ones I do have are very severe and they never cycle like they used to in my old withdrawal. I have a constant burning brain, I have terror, paranoia, a need to hide, irritability, extreme anhedonia, no connections to anyone or anything and worst of all, i lost my love for my dear cats. ūüėĘ They will die before I ever get to be reunited with them.¬†


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

Hello everyone. I wish I had good news but as usual, I don't. I am still disconnected from everyone and everything around me. I still have constant terror running through my body along with severe burning in my brain. The terror is so bad that it feels like I am metling in it and I can feel the battered neurons in my brain freaking out. The structural changes are deep and very severe. 

 

I have been faking it in front of some of my family members. Other ones, I just yell at and always blame them for what happened to me. I told them to stop thinking that I am going to heal because we just don't know what will happen.

 

I shouldn't be expecting any postive changes since I went from 15 to 11mg fairly fast. The symptoms definitely got worse with the drop so I guess it was not acting adversely all along. 

 

I have been like this for so long and it seems like it's only getting progressively worse. Last Thanksgiving and Christmas, I was being tortured in the psych ward like a prisoner of war. Everyone was running around and singing, "Santa is coming tonight, tonight!" And there I was sitting there and looking into space like a brain dead person. 

 

God have mercy on my soul. I screamed and cried for an hour today and kept the rest bottled up inside. I drooled all over myself from the pain. I feel psychotic and like I will not make it. 

 

I changed my diet. No more dairy or gluten. I am drinking smoothies everyday and hope that once my gut heals, that my brain can somehow to.16+drugs I was on in a year and now I am working on year 2 and trying my hardest to hold on this last toxin. The worst drug ever. The great Mirtazapine...ūüėĎ

 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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India

@Gemma92 you have been through an incredible amount of trauma and the anger you feel is justified . For me, healing has happened on the drug. I reinstated at 6mg after 3 months of CT. With such sensitivities, slow tapering is what works for many. There are stories like yours on benzobuddies.org. In which people heal from all sorts of extreme withdrawal . There is also a video of a brave Norwegian girl on here who healed after 10

years in a psych ward.

I have to go to therapy now. Mine is a trauma therapist trained in body psychotherapy . She helps me to restore a sense of trust in something. Perhaps you can look for someone outside of the labelling/medicating system.Keep going Gemma. Be gentle with yourself. 

 


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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Zans
3 hours ago, India said:

@Gemma92 you have been through an incredible amount of trauma and the anger you feel is justified . For me, healing has happened on the drug. I reinstated at 6mg after 3 months of CT. With such sensitivities, slow tapering is what works for many. There are stories like yours on benzobuddies.org. In which people heal from all sorts of extreme withdrawal . There is also a video of a brave Norwegian girl on here who healed after 10

years in a psych ward.

I have to go to therapy now. Mine is a trauma therapist trained in body psychotherapy . She helps me to restore a sense of trust in something. Perhaps you can look for someone outside of the labelling/medicating system.Keep going Gemma. Be gentle with yourself. 

 

Is here a thread of that Norwegian girl perhaps?


Paroxetin 20mg, Lexatonil 3mg - 5 pills total in December 2019 - CT.

 

Coaxil12.5mg, Fluanxol 1mg, Olanzapine 5mg, Bromazepam 3mg, Mirtazapine 30mg, Relanium injections, Zolpidem 10mg  full January - March 2019. CT all.

 

Finlepsin 1/4, Olanzapine 2.5mg, Relanium 5mg, Brintellix 20mg, Imovan mid April - early May 2019. CT all.

 

Brintellix 10mg 2019 May

Brintellix 5mg June - July

Brintellix 5mg August, 4.5mg September 7th - 4.6mg - 5mg ; November 21st - 4.8g December 5th - 4.6mg December 19th - 4.4mg January 3th - 4.2mg 17th - 4mg

 

 

 

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India
2 hours ago, Zans said:

Is here a thread of that Norwegian girl perhaps?

It‚Äôs a documentary that appears ‚ÄúIn the Media‚ÄĚ from YouTube . It‚Äôs triggering in parts but maybe you could watch the end of it!

i’ll try To find it.


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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Gemma92
10 hours ago, India said:

It‚Äôs a documentary that appears ‚ÄúIn the Media‚ÄĚ from YouTube . It‚Äôs triggering in parts but maybe you could watch the end of it!

i’ll try To find it.

I found the link to the video on this thread, @Zans. I just watched it. Thank you for recommending it to me, @India I can't believe she was on 27 drugs. Amazing. 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Zans
9 hours ago, Gemma92 said:

I found the link to the video on this thread, @Zans. I just watched it. Thank you for recommending it to me, @India I can't believe she was on 27 drugs. Amazing. 

Thanks, indeed it's amazing. Also the amount of E shock therapies she got...

 

I hope you're doing at least slightly better.


Paroxetin 20mg, Lexatonil 3mg - 5 pills total in December 2019 - CT.

 

Coaxil12.5mg, Fluanxol 1mg, Olanzapine 5mg, Bromazepam 3mg, Mirtazapine 30mg, Relanium injections, Zolpidem 10mg  full January - March 2019. CT all.

 

Finlepsin 1/4, Olanzapine 2.5mg, Relanium 5mg, Brintellix 20mg, Imovan mid April - early May 2019. CT all.

 

Brintellix 10mg 2019 May

Brintellix 5mg June - July

Brintellix 5mg August, 4.5mg September 7th - 4.6mg - 5mg ; November 21st - 4.8g December 5th - 4.6mg December 19th - 4.4mg January 3th - 4.2mg 17th - 4mg

 

 

 

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Gemma92

@Zans thank you. I'm not doing any better yet. I am completely psychotic. I have been screaming in agony all day. 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

The Mirtazapine gave me rage when I first when on it. I wonder how much it is contributing to the psychosis or if I am still just hurting from the 1 year of changes and the 15mg to 11mg drop. 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Leo1983

Hi Gemma.

 

Just a observation and something to make you feel better hopefully.

 

You have alot of awareness and insight into how you think, feel and behave.

 

You are able to articulate this fairly well. 

 

My point is your brain is working in some order even if it feels it is not to you.

 

I think with this condition we get into a habit of " Scanning" ourselves from head to toe to see how we feel. Maybe this adds to our stress.

 

Who knows. 

 

Keep going!


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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coldturkmama
1 hour ago, Leo1983 said:

Hi Gemma.

 

Just a observation and something to make you feel better hopefully.

 

You have alot of awareness and insight into how you think, feel and behave.

 

You are able to articulate this fairly well. 

 

My point is your brain is working in some order even if it feels it is not to you.

 

I think with this condition we get into a habit of " Scanning" ourselves from head to toe to see how we feel. Maybe this adds to our stress.

 

Who knows. 

 

Keep going!

 

Yes, scanning keeps the fear alive and well and causes further sensitization.  Claire weekes writes about it in her book. I really can’t recommend her enough.


Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 

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Gemma92
On 10/16/2019 at 3:26 PM, Leo1983 said:

Hi Gemma.

 

Just a observation and something to make you feel better hopefully.

 

You have alot of awareness and insight into how you think, feel and behave.

 

You are able to articulate this fairly well. 

 

My point is your brain is working in some order even if it feels it is not to you.

 

I think with this condition we get into a habit of " Scanning" ourselves from head to toe to see how we feel. Maybe this adds to our stress.

 

Who knows. 

 

Keep going!

That's true! I guess I shouldn't call myself psychotic since I am aware of it!

And thank you, I will! 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Gemma92

Hello everyone. 

So when I was in my Lexapro withdrawal, I had extreme sound sensitivity and anxiety. My CNS was very hyperactive. I am worse now since adding more fuel to the fire but I don't have the sound sensitivity anymore or the anxiety. Now it's just sheer terror 24/7 and paranoia. Is it bad if my brain is no longer reacting to sounds? I am stuck with fear but I don't feel that adrenaline rush anymore. Just suicidal feelings and a burning brain. It feels lile my brain adapted to this new change and that worries me. 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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ShiningLight
12 hours ago, Gemma92 said:

 I am worse now since adding more fuel to the fire but I don't have the sound sensitivity anymore or the anxiety. Now it's just sheer terror 24/7 and paranoia. Is it bad if my brain is no longer reacting to sounds? It feels lile my brain adapted to this new change and that worries me. 

 

I don't think it's bad that sound sensitivity went away. Common for symptoms to come and go during withdrawal. It feels scary because your CNS is on high alert, thinking every change means danger. It's ok. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.


Now: Gabapentin 31 mg 4x/day =124 mg, 150 mg Zoloft am since 2004, 50 mg¬†Trazodone bedtime.¬† Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 mg to 324 mg¬†ūüźĘūüźĘ

2020, Gabapentin each dose 4x/day: Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg.

2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!!¬†ūüĆě Apr 4¬† Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019¬†¬† 0.25 klon

March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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Leo1983
13 hours ago, Gemma92 said:

That's true! I guess I shouldn't call myself psychotic since I am aware of it!

And thank you, I will! 

 

Hi.

 

i dont know your original issues prior to taking Medications.

 

What i do know for me, is i had stress at work. I took all these meds looking for a magic bullet. I was guna take this pill and become Winston Churchill at work. I was guna fight them in the office never mind on the beaches. 

 

However, that was not the case, i felt terrible on each drug and the more i chopped and changed and CT and started something else, my life become harder and harder. UNTIL i stopped the crap!!

 

Granted i went chemically crazy! its been the worst 16 month of my 34 years alive.However things are better! Still not the old me however i hear theres a time line for recovery. 

 

So all i do now is wake, think ok another day and do my best, hoping i get better and better. 

 

So aslong as you know your issues are all from the meds, then no please dont call yourself or put labels on yourself. Its not your fault!

 

And if you did suffer problems before meds, thats fine too and its about how you manage that and be kind to yourself also. 

 

i know its crap feeling so mentally unwell and it taking forever buts its accepting it and surfing it calmly that helps. 

 

Oh and i know all the symptoms and feelings from wd. Know one will ever understand unless they had this. 

 

You got this. ūüĎć


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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Gemma92

Thank you  @ShiningLightI shouldn't be comparing the old withdrawal to this one. I am glad it's normal for the symptoms to change as time goes by. I thought because I wasn't reacting that my brain was dead. I never thought the anhedonia could be scarier than the anxiety. Thank you for your support! It means so much to me! 

 

   @Leo1983 Thank you for sharing some of your story with me. I am glad that you are starting to feel better! 

My old problems were child play compared to this but if they heal along with my diet, then I'll come out of this better than I did before! It'll be an extra bonus! Thank you for your support! Reading everyone's messages makes me feel better and they give me so much hope! 

 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Altostrata
On 10/19/2019 at 8:00 AM, Gemma92 said:

That's true! I guess I shouldn't call myself psychotic since I am aware of it!

 

Do you actually think you're psychotic?

 

A decrease in hypersensitivity is a good sign. Have any of your other symptoms changed?


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Gemma92
1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

 

Do you actually think you're psychotic?

 

A decrease in hypersensitivity is a good sign. Have any of your other symptoms changed?

Hello Alto, I do sometimes think I am psychotic because of the suicidal urges and the paranoia. 

 

The anhedonia is growing stronger but other than that, nothing has changed. Everything is staying consistent. The symptoms are not cycling. 


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Altostrata

What do you mean by anhedonia?


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Gemma92
1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

What do you mean by anhedonia?

I can't feel any joy and I don't feel connections or bonds with people. I feel like a zombie in that I don't laugh or smile anymore. I only feel fear.


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Altostrata

Very common after-effect of psychiatric drugs. Please hang in there, you've seen a little improvement. That's how it happens, little by little.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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Leo1983
7 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Very common after-effect of psychiatric drugs. Please hang in there, you've seen a little improvement. That's how it happens, little by little.

Hi @Altostrata

 

is this common many months down the line? can it also as you say take along time to get better?

 

Thanks 


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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Altostrata

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Gemma92

My sense of taste is almost completely gone. And when I smell my hands, they smell like chemicals. My brain went from being over senstive to being under sensitive. It's like my brain is now wrapped up in plastic and it can't interact with anything outside of it. It feels like it has turned off everything and I am left with the constant anhedonia. My body rarely feels cold anymore too and it's very numb to the touch. Before Mirtazapine and Zyprexa, my body was hypersentive to everything. I know this maybe is a good sign like was said to me by Alto but something is off with the numbness in my brain. My Lexapro withdrawals made me still feel human and I was just suffering. Does Zyprexa have different withdrawal symptoms than Lexapro?

I'd rather have withdrawal anxiety than have zombie like emotions. I've had both so I know how awful both feel. 

 

Sorry if I am being repetitive but that is one of my symptoms. ūüė•


90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD few months

2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: Mirt 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. (Currently here).

 

 

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Altostrata

All psychiatric drugs have similar withdrawal symptoms. Look at it this way: Your nervous system is hibernating to reduce stimulation. This is a phase.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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