treesofgreen Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 (edited) hello everybody . I am new here . nice to meet you all . I was lurking here and thought I should become a member and I hope I can get some hope in this forum . I read a few threads and they have definitely made me feel better but I think opening a thread about myself and what I have been through would be worth it. - I suffer from anxiety especially health anxiety , obsessive and intusive thoughts , and sometimes depression (but less so than the other things) since I was basically 5-6 years old or so - - I took paxil / paroxetine when I was 19 for a while . with 20 I stopped (together with my doc) . after that I did have withdrawal symptoms but it was not that bad and I could get over it - - at around age 25/26 I had a big bad period and went to my doc (not psychiatrist btw. but internist) and told him I feel bad and I even cried in front of him . I just couldnt go on anymore . he prescribed me citalopram/celexa - - I felt better with the citalopram/celexa of course and took it for a while . my doc told me I have to find a psychiatrist and also do a therapy . which I neglected and didnt bother with (yes stupid I know) - my internist decided after many years to only accept private patients from now on . . I am not a private patient but have a statutory health insurance . . so I couldnt be his patient anymore . and when my citalopram was going empty I just decided to not bother and just stop . HORRIBLE MISTAKE - after stopping the citalopram cold turkey I felt horrible. my sister found me a psychiatrist (my current one who I returned to ) who I explained everything and he gave me effexor . which was a HUGE help and I felt good - - I am a dumbass ....I still didnt bother with therapy and was even drinking heavily on weekends and even smoking pot even though I was on effexor . I felt not so well anymore and thought I am bipolar so I asked my doc to give me a stabilizer . he gave me seroquel ....this med ruined me . not only was I like on drugs especially in the start but it made me put a horrible amount of weight on . at the same time I said I am not happy with effexor anymore and he we tried lexapro . - - after a year I tell my doc that the seroquel sucks and he says I shall not take it anymore so I stop . I lose some weight in a couple of weeks after being off even though I didnt eat any less nor worked out more . so I took only lexapro now - - I get angry at my doc aka „why did he give me seroquel“ and stopped going to him and stopped the lexapro by myself .... THIS IS WHERE IT STARTED TO GET VERY BAD I know I am a dumbass and that it is my fault . please dont smash it into my face At this time I am 30 years old so 3 years ago and this is how it continues : - - The dad of a friend of me and my brother is a psych doc . I asked him for help and he made a date for me with a doc he worked with . I went to her and she gives me Prozac - - - Prozac makes me feel better and helped but something is „weird“ the whole time . I feel odd. in the meanwhile this doc also tells me to do therapy . the problem with this doc is that she fueled my anxiety even more with the way she talked . for example when I told her some things she had a face as if she never heard it before and as if I am crazy etc. -- I tell her I would like to stop prozac because I am unhappy and that I want to „beat“ it without meds . she is not happy about it at first but then she gives her ok and I stop the prozac . but too quickly (but she knew ! ) - - after quitting the prozac I feel okay for 3 months then I get a huge panic attack . after that my life has been a nightmare since . it is 2 years ago . after this panic attack I have developed derealization and depersonalization . I am in constant panic mode . my nervous system is out of whack . the worst horrible and obsessive thoughts in my whole life . I was even a bit psychotic . I was sure I am going crazy . I landed 4 times in the psychiatric emergency in 2018 . - - I tell this doc that I am unhappy with her and tell her I dont want to go to her anymore . - - I dont know what to do . I am hopeless . so hopeless like never before in my life . I suddenly take the phone and call my old psychiatrist (the one who gave me effexor , seroquel etc.) . I tell the receptionist everything and am also crying . she said to me that I shall come tomorrow and I was like "omg thank you so much“ - - I go to my doc with my brother next to me because I am so nervous and a wreck - - my doc is a little angry about everything but he helped me . he gave me perazine / taxilan and solian . I took them and felt better . later I also took effexor again for a few months . and also sulpiride a few times . since 5-6 months I dont take anything anymore except sometimes when I need it = I feel a lot better now than in 2018 . but I am still not feeling totally right . sorry if this was too long but I dont know how I can tell my situation in a way where I can use less words . I havent even told you everything If you have quesitons you can ask me but please give me hope because I am scared that I ruined my life ! I am scared that the fact that I took so many meds and also abruptly stopped them and even drank alcohol and smoked pot while taking them has damaged my brain and that I will never be able to be normal anymore . I know a lot of it is my fault . but unfortunately I just couldnt be more wise at those times please share some motivating words . but dont say things to be nice only either . of course I want to get realistic answers Thank you so much for reading and thank you for this forum Edited August 19, 2019 by ChessieCat reduced font copied quote Paxil (2005 + 2006 . dosage = 20-30mg ) Celexa (around 2012 + 2013 , dosage = 20mg iirc ) Effexor (2013 + 2014 . dosage was mostly 150mg ) Seroquel (2014 + 2015 . dosage = 100mg ) Lexapro (2015 dosage = 20mg most of the time iirc) Prozac (2016 / 2017 . dosage ranged from 20 to 40mg but most of the time it was 30 and 20 mg ) Effexor again + Perazine (also Amisulpride for 2 weeks) (2018 and Effexor until early 2019) . Effexor dosage was most of the time 225mg but also 150mg and perazine dosage was 100 or 200mg . I dont remember it well Sulpiride sometimes when needed at low dose of 50mg in end 2018 early 2019 I have taken some other meds too but not for long . and Promethazine I still take sometimes . I stopped many of the listed meds cold turkey unfortunately and also drank alcohol and smoked pot while I was taking them Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted August 23, 2019 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 23, 2019 (edited) Hi treesofgreen and welcome aboard, Sorry for the delay in getting you approved and started. On 8/19/2019 at 1:51 AM, treesofgreen said: but please give me hope because I am scared that I ruined my life ! I am scared that the fact that I took so many meds and also abruptly stopped them and even drank alcohol and smoked pot while taking them has damaged my brain and that I will never be able to be normal anymore . I know a lot of it is my fault . but unfortunately I just couldnt be more wise at those times There's lot's of hope to be found. And I don't think that you have ruined your life. I suppose now might be your chance to begin to do things differently perhaps. Often, once getting off of or free of medications, we need to learn and practice new skills. We call these non-drug coping skills here. As well, as get after some of the things that we sought care for in the first place. Some may do more formal therapy, while others may opt for something else all-together. Don't worry, I think you will be with people who "get it" here. We do have a Success stories forum. Just go to our main page and scroll down and you'll see that, as well as some of the other forums here. I'm wondering , if you would be so kind as to do a signature for us. That will sum up some of your drug history. This is the area, that you see under other members posts. Please put your withdrawal history in your signature just refer to the ^ link, and you'll find what you need to get this part done. Thankyou, and just ask if having trouble with this at all. Are you currently on any medication/drugs? This is your introduction/journal page where you have now introduced yourself to the community, you can ask questions here, give updates, as well as communicate with other members and moderators here. Welcome again. Love, peace, healing, and growth, manymoretodays(mmt) Edited August 23, 2019 by manymoretodays Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
treesofgreen Posted August 25, 2019 Author Share Posted August 25, 2019 thank you very much for your post I will do the singature later :) dont worry to answer your question if I take any meds these days : basically 5-6 months ago I quit effexor but I took sulpiride a few times after that and also promethazine . 1.5 months ago or so I also asked my doc to give me opipramole so I can take it sometimes because I read that you can take opipramole only sometimes when you need it (my doc disagrees but he still did me the favor ) ...I took it 3 times but I dont like it . so I basially only took 3 times opipramole and a couple of times promethazine in the last 2-3 months . so I am mostly drug free but take little doses of some meds sporadically yesterday I was thinking I am going crazy again because I had the "I died and am now a ghost" kind of feeling which most likely comes from my depersonalization/derealization . today I am okay . some days are okay some days are bad but I am very scared that I ruined my brain :( Paxil (2005 + 2006 . dosage = 20-30mg ) Celexa (around 2012 + 2013 , dosage = 20mg iirc ) Effexor (2013 + 2014 . dosage was mostly 150mg ) Seroquel (2014 + 2015 . dosage = 100mg ) Lexapro (2015 dosage = 20mg most of the time iirc) Prozac (2016 / 2017 . dosage ranged from 20 to 40mg but most of the time it was 30 and 20 mg ) Effexor again + Perazine (also Amisulpride for 2 weeks) (2018 and Effexor until early 2019) . Effexor dosage was most of the time 225mg but also 150mg and perazine dosage was 100 or 200mg . I dont remember it well Sulpiride sometimes when needed at low dose of 50mg in end 2018 early 2019 I have taken some other meds too but not for long . and Promethazine I still take sometimes . I stopped many of the listed meds cold turkey unfortunately and also drank alcohol and smoked pot while I was taking them Link to comment
treesofgreen Posted August 27, 2019 Author Share Posted August 27, 2019 I created my signature but I couldnt post everything in it because there is not enough space . I also dont the exact dates and how long exactly I have taken each med Paxil (2005 + 2006 . dosage = 20-30mg ) Celexa (around 2012 + 2013 , dosage = 20mg iirc ) Effexor (2013 + 2014 . dosage was mostly 150mg ) Seroquel (2014 + 2015 . dosage = 100mg ) Lexapro (2015 dosage = 20mg most of the time iirc) Prozac (2016 / 2017 . dosage ranged from 20 to 40mg but most of the time it was 30 and 20 mg ) Effexor again + Perazine (also Amisulpride for 2 weeks) (2018 and Effexor until early 2019) . Effexor dosage was most of the time 225mg but also 150mg and perazine dosage was 100 or 200mg . I dont remember it well Sulpiride sometimes when needed at low dose of 50mg in end 2018 early 2019 I have taken some other meds too but not for long . and Promethazine I still take sometimes . I stopped many of the listed meds cold turkey unfortunately and also drank alcohol and smoked pot while I was taking them Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Gridley Posted August 27, 2019 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 27, 2019 3 minutes ago, treesofgreen said: I created my signature Could you include the dosages as best you can remember them and also how you went off the drug (cold turkey, fast taper, slow taper)? Here's the link to edit your signature: Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature. Gridley Introduction Lexapro 20 mg since 2004. Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017. End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg Oct. 30, 2020 Jump to zero from 0.025mg. Current dose: 0.000mg 3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete. Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium End 2021 year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper. Taper is 95% complete. Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986. Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper. Current dose as of April 1: 6.8mg Taper is 91% complete. Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. Link to comment
treesofgreen Posted August 27, 2019 Author Share Posted August 27, 2019 I dont remember all dosages and I also took several dosages of each med . for example prozac I took first 20 then 30 and for a while even 40 iirc and then again down to 30 and 20 . I think the space will be enough to include all information Paxil (2005 + 2006 . dosage = 20-30mg ) Celexa (around 2012 + 2013 , dosage = 20mg iirc ) Effexor (2013 + 2014 . dosage was mostly 150mg ) Seroquel (2014 + 2015 . dosage = 100mg ) Lexapro (2015 dosage = 20mg most of the time iirc) Prozac (2016 / 2017 . dosage ranged from 20 to 40mg but most of the time it was 30 and 20 mg ) Effexor again + Perazine (also Amisulpride for 2 weeks) (2018 and Effexor until early 2019) . Effexor dosage was most of the time 225mg but also 150mg and perazine dosage was 100 or 200mg . I dont remember it well Sulpiride sometimes when needed at low dose of 50mg in end 2018 early 2019 I have taken some other meds too but not for long . and Promethazine I still take sometimes . I stopped many of the listed meds cold turkey unfortunately and also drank alcohol and smoked pot while I was taking them Link to comment
treesofgreen Posted August 27, 2019 Author Share Posted August 27, 2019 I did it Paxil (2005 + 2006 . dosage = 20-30mg ) Celexa (around 2012 + 2013 , dosage = 20mg iirc ) Effexor (2013 + 2014 . dosage was mostly 150mg ) Seroquel (2014 + 2015 . dosage = 100mg ) Lexapro (2015 dosage = 20mg most of the time iirc) Prozac (2016 / 2017 . dosage ranged from 20 to 40mg but most of the time it was 30 and 20 mg ) Effexor again + Perazine (also Amisulpride for 2 weeks) (2018 and Effexor until early 2019) . Effexor dosage was most of the time 225mg but also 150mg and perazine dosage was 100 or 200mg . I dont remember it well Sulpiride sometimes when needed at low dose of 50mg in end 2018 early 2019 I have taken some other meds too but not for long . and Promethazine I still take sometimes . I stopped many of the listed meds cold turkey unfortunately and also drank alcohol and smoked pot while I was taking them Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Gridley Posted August 27, 2019 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 27, 2019 7 minutes ago, treesofgreen said: did it Good work! Gridley Introduction Lexapro 20 mg since 2004. Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017. End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg Oct. 30, 2020 Jump to zero from 0.025mg. Current dose: 0.000mg 3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete. Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium End 2021 year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper. Taper is 95% complete. Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986. Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper. Current dose as of April 1: 6.8mg Taper is 91% complete. Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. Link to comment
treesofgreen Posted August 27, 2019 Author Share Posted August 27, 2019 4 minutes ago, Gridley said: Good work! hehe thanks and I quit many of them cold turkey btw. . in fact I quit all of them too quickly . some with my doctors knowledge and agreement and some without . but the meds which I quit cold turkey or too quickly which made suffer the most was the Celexa , the Lexapro , and the Prozac . ESPECIALLY the Lexapro . that was in 2016 or so and everything became really bad since then . the Seroquel was already making its damage on me and then after I quit the Seroquel (also quickly but my doc said I should just quit) I quit the Lexapro a few months or weeks or so later cold turkey ....well not exactly cold turkey I took 10mg 2 weeks and then stopped but pretty much cold turkey will there ever be light again at the end of the tunnel ? Paxil (2005 + 2006 . dosage = 20-30mg ) Celexa (around 2012 + 2013 , dosage = 20mg iirc ) Effexor (2013 + 2014 . dosage was mostly 150mg ) Seroquel (2014 + 2015 . dosage = 100mg ) Lexapro (2015 dosage = 20mg most of the time iirc) Prozac (2016 / 2017 . dosage ranged from 20 to 40mg but most of the time it was 30 and 20 mg ) Effexor again + Perazine (also Amisulpride for 2 weeks) (2018 and Effexor until early 2019) . Effexor dosage was most of the time 225mg but also 150mg and perazine dosage was 100 or 200mg . I dont remember it well Sulpiride sometimes when needed at low dose of 50mg in end 2018 early 2019 I have taken some other meds too but not for long . and Promethazine I still take sometimes . I stopped many of the listed meds cold turkey unfortunately and also drank alcohol and smoked pot while I was taking them Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Gridley Posted August 27, 2019 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 27, 2019 1 minute ago, treesofgreen said: will there ever be light again at the end of the tunnel ? Yes, absolutely. It will take some time but you will recover. The damage is not permanent. The brain has remarkable abilities to heal itself, known as neuroplasticity. Healing from antidepressants: The power of neuroplasticity video (7.5 minutes) We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) Please research all supplements first and only add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems. Gridley Introduction Lexapro 20 mg since 2004. Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017. End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg Oct. 30, 2020 Jump to zero from 0.025mg. Current dose: 0.000mg 3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete. Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium End 2021 year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper. Taper is 95% complete. Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986. Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper. Current dose as of April 1: 6.8mg Taper is 91% complete. Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. Link to comment
treesofgreen Posted August 27, 2019 Author Share Posted August 27, 2019 well I do feel better now than in 2018 . 2018 was the worst year in my life but I am so sad and so desperate I am also mad at myself for what I did . I wish I wouldnt have taken any meds at all to start with and at least if I take them I should have done a therapy and then going off the meds very slowly thank you so much for talkling to me . nobody of my loved ones in real life can understand me . my family and friends try to help me as good as they can but nobody can know how it feels unless he/she has been through this **** . I am glad that I have found this forum I hope I have not damaged my organs like my heart etc. either . what do you think ? I had a blood test done 4 months ago or so and my fat values and sugar values etc. are all fine . I also had an electrocardiography and my doc said the results are good and that I dont have any heart arythmia and also no problems with blood something (I dont know what he meant) . BUT ...my heart rate is very high . and that scares me . I am obsessed with my heart and my heart rate . and I am also scared that I have developed heart arythmia in the last 4 months but that is unlikely right ? also regarding my brain . will I also recover from the antipsychotic use ? especially Seroquel Paxil (2005 + 2006 . dosage = 20-30mg ) Celexa (around 2012 + 2013 , dosage = 20mg iirc ) Effexor (2013 + 2014 . dosage was mostly 150mg ) Seroquel (2014 + 2015 . dosage = 100mg ) Lexapro (2015 dosage = 20mg most of the time iirc) Prozac (2016 / 2017 . dosage ranged from 20 to 40mg but most of the time it was 30 and 20 mg ) Effexor again + Perazine (also Amisulpride for 2 weeks) (2018 and Effexor until early 2019) . Effexor dosage was most of the time 225mg but also 150mg and perazine dosage was 100 or 200mg . I dont remember it well Sulpiride sometimes when needed at low dose of 50mg in end 2018 early 2019 I have taken some other meds too but not for long . and Promethazine I still take sometimes . I stopped many of the listed meds cold turkey unfortunately and also drank alcohol and smoked pot while I was taking them Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Gridley Posted August 27, 2019 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 27, 2019 51 minutes ago, treesofgreen said: also regarding my brain . will I also recover from the antipsychotic use ? especially Seroquel Our experience has been that there is recovery from antipsychotics as well as antidepressants. The fact that your tests has been good indicates there is no permanent damage. Heart symptom are common in withdrawal. The fact that you've been checked out by your doctor and diagnosed with no problem should be a comfort. Health anxiety is common in withdrawal. Try not to give in to it. Your doctor has said you're fine physically. Accept that. Gridley Introduction Lexapro 20 mg since 2004. Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017. End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg Oct. 30, 2020 Jump to zero from 0.025mg. Current dose: 0.000mg 3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete. Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium End 2021 year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper. Taper is 95% complete. Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986. Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper. Current dose as of April 1: 6.8mg Taper is 91% complete. Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. Link to comment
treesofgreen Posted August 28, 2019 Author Share Posted August 28, 2019 1 hour ago, Gridley said: Our experience has been that there is recovery from antipsychotics as well as antidepressants. The fact that your tests has been good indicates there is no permanent damage. Heart symptom are common in withdrawal. The fact that you've been checked out by your doctor and diagnosed with no problem should be a comfort. Health anxiety is common in withdrawal. Try not to give in to it. Your doctor has said you're fine physically. Accept that. the problem is that my heart rate is high . but I have to admit I am out of shape and also overweight and I guess being nervous at the doc makes my heartrate go up too my doc and me actually thought about me taking something to lower the heart rate but we decided that I will try to bring it down by working out again like jogging etc. and also calming myself down etc. . but I am scared to work out and get a heart attack 🙄 I have had health anxiety since childhood and it has gotten worse and worse after age 17-18 the problem I have right now is that I keep thinking that the fact that I took so many meds and on top of it abuptly stopped taking them several times and that I have been through very bad times and still struggling that my body can not handle that much stress on my nervous system and damages my health . you know what I mean ? like .....that much struggle and that much horrible stress on the body and mind can not go well I feel . I am actually surprised that I am still alive lol Paxil (2005 + 2006 . dosage = 20-30mg ) Celexa (around 2012 + 2013 , dosage = 20mg iirc ) Effexor (2013 + 2014 . dosage was mostly 150mg ) Seroquel (2014 + 2015 . dosage = 100mg ) Lexapro (2015 dosage = 20mg most of the time iirc) Prozac (2016 / 2017 . dosage ranged from 20 to 40mg but most of the time it was 30 and 20 mg ) Effexor again + Perazine (also Amisulpride for 2 weeks) (2018 and Effexor until early 2019) . Effexor dosage was most of the time 225mg but also 150mg and perazine dosage was 100 or 200mg . I dont remember it well Sulpiride sometimes when needed at low dose of 50mg in end 2018 early 2019 I have taken some other meds too but not for long . and Promethazine I still take sometimes . I stopped many of the listed meds cold turkey unfortunately and also drank alcohol and smoked pot while I was taking them Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Gridley Posted August 28, 2019 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 28, 2019 11 hours ago, treesofgreen said: stress on my nervous system It is a stressor on your body, as it is on all of us going through withdrawal, but you will make it through. Congratulations on deciding to exercise rather than take more drugs. Gridley Introduction Lexapro 20 mg since 2004. Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017. End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg Oct. 30, 2020 Jump to zero from 0.025mg. Current dose: 0.000mg 3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete. Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium End 2021 year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper. Taper is 95% complete. Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986. Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper. Current dose as of April 1: 6.8mg Taper is 91% complete. Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. Link to comment
treesofgreen Posted August 29, 2019 Author Share Posted August 29, 2019 (edited) thank you for answering me . you make me feel a lot better . and oh well I am scared to work out because of the fear of Le Heart Attackz .....it sucks so much is it normal that I have more obsessive thoughts and some other things too ? I literally dont know who I am anymore . I also have lost memory .....I cant remember when my sister was a baby/toddler . I am 33 she will turn 27 soon . I love her so much but cant feel it anymore . she has always been my baby sister that I love and protect but since I have the history with the meds and developed derealization/depersonalization I have trouble connecting to her and also to other people I love . I somehow cant remember and connect to old things in the past which were very important to me like when my sister was a small child . it breaks my heart . do you think my memories will get clear again and I will have a better entry to my feelings ? I want to be myself again sorry that I am asking so much questions . I am just really frustrated Edited August 30, 2019 by ChessieCat removed obscenity Paxil (2005 + 2006 . dosage = 20-30mg ) Celexa (around 2012 + 2013 , dosage = 20mg iirc ) Effexor (2013 + 2014 . dosage was mostly 150mg ) Seroquel (2014 + 2015 . dosage = 100mg ) Lexapro (2015 dosage = 20mg most of the time iirc) Prozac (2016 / 2017 . dosage ranged from 20 to 40mg but most of the time it was 30 and 20 mg ) Effexor again + Perazine (also Amisulpride for 2 weeks) (2018 and Effexor until early 2019) . Effexor dosage was most of the time 225mg but also 150mg and perazine dosage was 100 or 200mg . I dont remember it well Sulpiride sometimes when needed at low dose of 50mg in end 2018 early 2019 I have taken some other meds too but not for long . and Promethazine I still take sometimes . I stopped many of the listed meds cold turkey unfortunately and also drank alcohol and smoked pot while I was taking them Link to comment
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