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Denas1969

Denas1969: Lexapro, Celexa, Zoloft ... oh my

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Denas1969

Hello and welcome to my hell.  

 

Lexapro 2 years along with heavy marijuana use, CT ... Fine for 5 months then all hell broke loose.

 

April 2019

Took 1 10mg lexapro and woke up vomiting and diahrea.  Cut back to 5mg for 2 days but couldnt move and also had the flu. Dr. Says try again when flu gets better.  

 

May 2019 took 2.5mg lexapro and awoke two hrs later7 in sheer panic and full blown akathesia. No good. Ended up in mental hospital and put on 10 mg celexa. After 5 days thrown back into full blown akathesia.  No good so stopped and got worse.  Second hospital stay now on lithium and zyprexa which lasted less than a week.  3 weeks later back in another mental hospital. Third time not the charm .. Put on Zoloft 25 and 3 days later up to 50.  Did okay for 4 weeks then got really ill, could not get out of bed.  Tapered off over 2 weeks.  That was 3 weeks ago from today (Sept 1 2019).  Felt pretty good first week, slowly declining 2nd week and now I am in a lot of body pain, sweats, tingles, head pressure, si, inner restlessness, trouble sleeping, crying spells, anger, and at times just ok.  

 

Supplements are Lions Mane, l theanine, B vits, methyl b12 and folinic acid since I am a mthfr!  Vit D. Omega's and mag.  

 

Edited by ChessieCat
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Sassenach

Hello Denas

Welcome to SA.

I apologise for the delay in replying.

I am currently out of the house and I'm trying to do this on my mobile phone so bear with me .

You are currently experiencing withdrawal symptoms because of all the changes of medication.

The only known way to alleviate withdrawal symptoms is to reinstate small dose of the medication.

I am unable to post links on my phone but if you can go to forums, symptoms and self care.

You will find a topic on reinstatement and stabilizing.

Please read that information and anything else that may help you.

 

Could you also please list drugs, doses and dates as accurately as possible.

Do you still have Zoloft available?

I will get back to you later in the day.

Sassenach

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KMart95

There's a good chance since your nervous system has taken a beating that those supplements you're taking are making things worse. B vitamins are often activating, and methylated B vitamins even moreso. Lots of people who aren't even in withdrawal find that B vitamins can make you feel anxious, agitated, depressed, agressive.. etc.

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Denas1969

I don't know what else to do.  I am so scared I wilk have to live the reat of my life feeling loke this.  Feelong messed up in tbe head and the body. I will stop for a few days to see if it helps.  I have good moments but mostly bad. Thx.

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
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Sassenach

Hi Denas

 

Your CNS ( central nervous system ) is in disarray because of the cocktail of drugs the doctors have given.

Every change of med. and dose has the ability destabilise your CNS until it does not know which way to go.

Your taper was also much too fast.

The link below will explain why.

The links below will help you understand what is happening.

The good news is you can recover but it will take time and patience, and some of the clever heads on here.

On 9/1/2019 at 10:07 AM, Sassenach said:

Do you still have Zoloft available?

The only way to mitigate withdrawal symptoms is to reinstate a small dose of the drug.

None of us like the idea of going back on these drugs, indeed the purpose of this site is to help members get off them.

However we need to give our CNS a helping hand to stabilise and eliminate the drugs after that.

I suggest you begin by taking 10mgs of Zoloft BUT NO MORE THAN THAT as a start.
 

Please feel free to browse the site, it is a wealth of info.

Other members threads will give you an insight and the opportunity to share experiences.

 

 

 

Sassenach 

 

 

 

 

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Sassenach
On 8/31/2019 at 8:24 AM, Denas1969 said:

Lexapro 2 years along with heavy marijuana use, CT ... Fine for 5 months then all hell broke loose.

 

April 2019

Took 1 10mg lexapro and woke up vomiting and diahrea.  Cut back to 5mg for 2 days but couldnt move and also had the flu. Dr. Says try again when flu gets better.  

 

May 2019 took 2.5mg lexapro and awoke two hrs later7 in sheer panic and full blown akathesia. No good. Ended up in mental hospital and put on 10 mg celexa. After 5 days thrown back into full blown akathesia.  No good so stopped and got worse.  Second hospital stay now on lithium and zyprexa which lasted less than a week.  3 weeks later back in another mental hospital. Third time not the charm .. Put on Zoloft 25 and 3 days later up to 50.  Did okay for 4 weeks then got really ill, could not get out of bed.  Tapered off over 2 weeks.  That was 3 weeks ago from today (Sept 1 2019).  Felt pretty good first week, slowly declining 2nd week and now I am in a lot of body pain, sweats, tingles, head pressure, si, inner restlessness, trouble sleeping, crying spells, anger, and at times just ok.  

 

Supplements are Lions Mane, l theanine, B vits, methyl b12 and folinic acid since I am a mthfr!  Vit D. Omega's and mag.  

 

 

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Denas1969

I do not have any zoloft left.  I could not stop crying while on 50 nor could i eat or get out of bed.  When I went down to 25 felt a bit better then down to 12.6 felt better.  I had tried to reinstate low dose of lexapro since that was my first ad that I did well with but at 2.5mg it sent me to a place I have never been.  I had been off lexapro for 5 months before feeling agitated due to life stress.  It wasnt until i trief to go back on that things got soo bad.  Quitting after 1 dose took me three weeks to somewhat recover then tried celexa 10mg.  Great first 4 days ... 5th day I got akathesia.  Quit cold turkey and havent been the same since.  I have lost 25 lbs during the first 2 months of my ordeal and since trying other meds that messed me up some more I havent been able to hain it all back...only about 5lbs of it.  I have never had brain zaps.. Its more physical pain body aches .. And inner restlessness thay feels like I am going crazy..it waxes and wanes ..i guess the windows thing.  I was agoraphobic buy not so much anymore so thats improved.  I am so afraid of reinstating even at a low dose because I felt I have improved even tho I am still in a lot of mental and physical pain.  How do I even know if I am not just depressed again due my life stressors and sucking?  

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Denas1969

I am sorry I do not remember how long I was originally on Lexapro.  I am calling cvs corporate tomorrow to find out.  The short trial of lithium was 150mg and zyprexa 2.5.  

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Altostrata

Welcome. Denas.

 

On 8/31/2019 at 12:24 AM, Denas1969 said:

....

April 2019

Took 1 10mg lexapro and woke up vomiting and diahrea.  Cut back to 5mg for 2 days but couldnt move and also had the flu. Dr. Says try again when flu gets better.  

 

May 2019 took 2.5mg lexapro and awoke two hrs later7 in sheer panic and full blown akathesia. No good. Ended up in mental hospital and put on 10 mg celexa. After 5 days thrown back into full blown akathesia.  No good so stopped and got worse.  Second hospital stay now on lithium and zyprexa which lasted less than a week.  3 weeks later back in another mental hospital. Third time not the charm .. Put on Zoloft 25 and 3 days later up to 50.  Did okay for 4 weeks then got really ill, could not get out of bed.  Tapered off over 2 weeks.  That was 3 weeks ago from today (Sept 1 2019).  Felt pretty good first week, slowly declining 2nd week and now I am in a lot of body pain, sweats, tingles, head pressure, si, inner restlessness, trouble sleeping, crying spells, anger, and at times just ok.  

 

Supplements are Lions Mane, l theanine, B vits, methyl b12 and folinic acid since I am a mthfr!  Vit D. Omega's and mag.  

 

 

It appears that you've become hypersensitive to SSRIs such as Lexapro, Celexa, and Zoloft. This is not unusual in withdrawal syndrome.

 

Do you have any pills of any of them left?

 

What times of day do you take Lions Mane, l theanine, B vits, methyl b12 and folinic acid? Do you feel better or worse afterward? Do your symptoms follow any daily pattern?

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Denas1969

Hi there..

 

I do not have any z left.  My pattern is usually a bad morning ok midday and evening and gets worse toward bedtime.  My extreme anxiety when just waking is not as bad as it was. Mybstaryle response has eased also as I would jump at any sounds.   And anything stressful sets me off easy.  Body aches throughout the day off and on. Try to walk at night outside and this usually makes the leg pain worse.  And the lower back pain.  Like in my buttbone which i broke years ago but hadnt had problems til i lost 25 lbs from this whole ordeal which btw was all the weight i gained when i was doing well while on lexapro for maybe 2 years.  I take the supplements at lunch. I did notice when I first started lions mane in coffee i was shaky and way to talkative. Like I was in meth.  Did not take any supplements today and dare I say it hasnt been a bad day mentally or physically. May try that again tomorrow.  What do you think about broad spectrum cbd vapes?  Does this offer any help with the inner restlessness because that is really bugging me and regular pot (thc) is not helping although I dont have any indica right now which is less activating. Thx!

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Denas1969

oh also have tinnitis pretty bad at night in bed. Use a fan to help a bit. 

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Denas1969

Ah and no I have no celexa lex left either. 

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Denas1969

A few questions about symptoms ..

 

Hello there!  I was wondering if the time of withdrawal starts after discontuing or when symptoms start?  Like when I CT off lexapro I was fine for 5 months. Got irritable more of a mental feeling brought on by a lot of stress so I tried to reinstate but could not ..even at a low dose of 2.5. Thats when the real storm began.  So this long time for healing .. Was I already beginning to heal before I tried to go back on or do I have to start all over again after trying short term treatments that all had the same horrid results?   I am 10 months from ct off the lexapro originally and feeling like really bad.  Mostly body aches from the hips down and feeling sorry for myself. I had been eating better and gained some weight back. I am no longer agoraphobic and the anxiety has lessened, I am crying less and able to enjoy some moments more so now than when my symptoms first started. Sleep isnt the best but it has gotten better. But i feel like I take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back with the pain which brings on the blues and how I feel like I messed up my life. Then I flip flop with well, maybe its not WD what if its just the depression and now I cannot take any meds anymore which of course increases my anxiety. I had stopped taking supplements which did help eliminate the jitters I was having.  I only do epsom baths and some tart cherry juice.  What is with my body temperature???  Its always so low like 96 in the am and 97 in the pm. I noticed when I feep my best its 98.4.  Is this a WD symptom?   I am cold a lot but still sweat.  Feel clammy. Guess thats normal?  Since things have gotten better does that mean I am healing or should I be prepared for more severe setbacks?  Its been 6 weeks now since off zoloft.  And I had to fast taper because of insane se.  Thanks for any input. 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
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ChessieCat

Here's some additional information which might help you to understand what is happening:

 

Recovery isn't linear it happens in a Windows and Waves Pattern

 

Withdrawal Normal Description


When we take a psychiatric drug, we are adding chemical/s to the brain.  The brain then has to change to adapt to getting the chemical/s.  It might have to change something to do with A and then once that change has been made it affects B so another change has to be made and so on down the line.  It is a chain reaction, a domino effect.

 

The same thing happens when we take the drug away.  That's why it's possible to experience such a vast array of withdrawal symptoms, and they can change, and be of different intensity.

 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

These explain it really well:

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

On 8/31/2011 at 5:28 AM, Rhiannon said:

When we stop taking the drug, we have a brain that has designed itself so that it works in the presence of the drug; now it can't work properly without the drug because it's designed itself so that the drug is part of its chemistry and structure. It's like a plant that has grown on a trellis; you can't just yank out the trellis and expect the plant to be okay. When the drug is removed, the remodeling process has to take place in reverse. SO--it's not a matter of just getting the drug out of your system and moving on. If it were that simple, none of us would be here. It's a matter of, as I describe it, having to grow a new brain. I believe this growing-a-new-brain happens throughout the taper process if the taper is slow enough. (If it's too fast, then there's not a lot of time for actually rebalancing things, and basically the brain is just pedaling fast trying to keep us alive.) It also continues to happen, probably for longer than the symptoms actually last, throughout the time of recovery after we are completely off the drug, which is why recovery takes so long.

 

AND

 

On 12/4/2015 at 2:41 AM, apace41 said:

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.  

 

 

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ChessieCat

SA strongly encourages members to learn and use non drug coping techniques to help get through tough times.

 

Understanding what is happening helps us to not get caught up with the second fear, or fear of the fear.  This happens when we experience sensations in our body and because we don't understand them we are scared of them and then start to panic.

 

This document has a diagram of the body explaining what happens in the body when we become anxious:

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/AnxietySelfHelp.pdf

 

 

Audio FEMALE VOICE:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

 

Audio MALE VOICE:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

dealing-with-emotional-spirals

 

Dr Claire Weekes suffered from anxiety and learned and taught ways of coping.  There are videos available on YouTube.

 

Claire Weekes' Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes

 

 
Resources:  Centre for Clinical Interventions (PDF modules that you can work through, eg:  Depression, Distress Intolerance, Health Anxiety, Low Self-Esteem, Panic Attacks, Perfectionism, Procrastination, Social Anxiety, Worrying)
 
On 4/28/2017 at 4:03 AM, brassmonkey said:

 

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

 

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work.  I hope you give it a try.

 

 

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Denas1969

I am really freaking out lately and trying so hard to keep it together.  I feel hopeless because I am unable to reinstate and taper correctly. Even the tiniest dose has been tried and resulted in akathesia.  So I am 6 weeks out from my last dose of sertraline. My pains are up and down my spine and take turns running through my back or legs and hips.  When that eases it seems like I start getting more restless in my mind. Worse when first waking up with bits of it throughout the day. I am able to go out and do a few things around the house which I am greatful for.  But life as I knew it still hasnt returned.  And I doubt it ever will.  Even before any meds..ya know I have struggled with anxiety but I think my major demise was perimenopause.  Thats when it got so bad that I started lexapro and it was great ... Until I quit but still good for 5 months off.  I still have never felt this bad to the point of just wanting to be done with life because this is no way to live.  I have started cbt only 2 sessions so far and i can only afford every 2 weeks.  Of course my drs dont think this is withdrawal.  I just started with a new pdoc. I do not know how long I have to struggle through my days but I can say it hasn't gotten better. The past week or so has went downhill after having at least a week of good days. Now I am stuck in a wave and it is terrifying.  I am starting to cry more because of fear of the unknown. My mind races with thoughts of being in this state and the si is bad. I truely do not want to die though. I desperately want to get through this. My family does not understand what I am going through so I try to be as brave as possible and just say I am okay.  I just wish I believed that. I feel like so restless in my mind like I am about to just lose it but it doesn't happen. And it just cycles over and over again.  I guess I am just venting since I feel.so helpless in this journey. I read the success stories here and it does give me hope.  But I still have too many what if's.  Fear and agitation and feeling like I am really going crazy.  Please tell me that I will be ok.  My husband gets mad at me for reading here so much but it occupies my mind and sometimes gets me through a terrible day.  

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Denas1969

Also I am seeing here a lot of suffering while tapering... Then still having long withdrawals.  So if I was even able to reinstate I would still be going through this along with se and withdrawal symptoms. Why doesn't it make sense, if it is true I am going to eventually heal. Just to be done with the drugs and commence withdrawal.  I am suffering to my own degree but I have to say people I see tapering or who have tapered then stopped have way more symptoms than I do.  I may eat those words next week as this is so unpredictable but it is just what I have been seeing.  I understand the brain has to heal and it takes time but what determines that is what I really do not get.  I just wish I didnt try to go back on it ever since it gave me akathesia which I never experienced before.  Dang it!

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6 hours ago, Denas1969 said:

Also I am seeing here a lot of suffering while tapering... Then still having long withdrawals.  So if I was even able to reinstate I would still be going through this along with se and withdrawal symptoms. Why doesn't it make sense, if it is true I am going to eventually heal. Just to be done with the drugs and commence withdrawal.  I am suffering to my own degree but I have to say people I see tapering or who have tapered then stopped have way more symptoms than I do.  I may eat those words next week as this is so unpredictable but it is just what I have been seeing.  I understand the brain has to heal and it takes time but what determines that is what I really do not get.  I just wish I didnt try to go back on it ever since it gave me akathesia which I never experienced before.  Dang it!

Hi and sorry for the suffering you're going through.

I CTd Prozac starting June 2018. I didn't know about tapering until it was too late to go back.

I thought I wanted to die every day of my life for a year. 

Now I am not wishing I was dead any more.

I have been to hell. The depth of suffering has been mind crumbling.

I now have anxiety that is not debilitating and is oh so gradually lessening in intensity so slowly that I can only see it fading at all when I compare to 3 months ago.

All this to say, it will go away.

I want to warn you about a pitfall that will make you suffer far more than necessary.

It is allowing your mind to predict how it's going to be from now on. These future-telling thoughts only bring on more misery.  You don't know what is going to happen in your case. Trust the people here that say they got better and live your life in day-tight compartments.

Focus on today only. Let tomorrow's worries wait till tomorrow.

The only way back to health is through this suffering.

Use the time to seek God and work on the issues that you were having that made you start on antidepressants in the first place. Those issues will still be waiting for you on the other side. Strengthen yourself to face them and get rid of them when the time comes.

All the best.

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Denas1969

Hi Tweet. 

 

I just had a mini breakdown. I nearly threw myself on the floor in agony... I took some advil and sprayed some mag oil on my aching legs and had a bit of a cry. Made me feel a little better.  I really needed your personal reply Tweet. What you wrote is exactly what I am doing. Some days are easier to stay in the moment and well other days are loke today.  When I scorn myself for the mistakes I have made to bring me here and worrying too much about how long I have to endure this feeling and random pain and sweats and tingles and anxiety and most of all this hideous depression.  I have always been a fighter for everytjing my family needed and believe me we have needed a lot. My son has Aspergets and my daughter ...well I am not sure what she was dx with but life was difficult getting the proper care for both. Add that to financial and housimg issues.   I have always been who got us through it.  And to feel like giving up on myself hurts.  So thank you so much for writing exactly what I needed to read!  I am happy for you that your healing is getting so much better and hope to post a similar outcome.  

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3 minutes ago, Denas1969 said:

Hi Tweet. 

 

I just had a mini breakdown. I nearly threw myself on the floor in agony... I took some advil and sprayed some mag oil on my aching legs and had a bit of a cry. Made me feel a little better.  I really needed your personal reply Tweet. What you wrote is exactly what I am doing. Some days are easier to stay in the moment and well other days are loke today.  When I scorn myself for the mistakes I have made to bring me here and worrying too much about how long I have to endure this feeling and random pain and sweats and tingles and anxiety and most of all this hideous depression.  I have always been a fighter for everytjing my family needed and believe me we have needed a lot. My son has Aspergets and my daughter ...well I am not sure what she was dx with but life was difficult getting the proper care for both. Add that to financial and housimg issues.   I have always been who got us through it.  And to feel like giving up on myself hurts.  So thank you so much for writing exactly what I needed to read!  I am happy for you that your healing is getting so much better and hope to post a similar outcome.  

Hi Denas. Look at some of the fits I've thrown on my thread. Very similar.

Just mostly out of frustration and despair from the seemingly endless tortuous symptoms. Trying to find an escape from hell where there is none.

Many nights balled up on the kitchen floor by the stove just in total agony of suffering.

Freaked out in the floorboard of the truck thrashing and fighting and clawing and begging God to kill me in front of my spouse as he watched helpless to stop me.

I too have always been a fighter and this has been a big factor. I was and still am absolutely determined not to let this drug beat me even if it killed me. 

You will get better. One day at a time. Be encouraged ☺️

 

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Denas1969

Ughhh anyone else wave and window every other day?

 

Sometimes I feel like I will get through this. Today is not one of those days.  I flip and I flop back and forth with physical and mental anguish and sometimes I feel so on the edge of major panic and it just hangs there. I am irritable and angry and then I have to cry.  Its like all of my feelings had been shut off and they came back way too strong and not in a good way.  So I see people ask does this mean I am healing because I am afraid it is just my depression and anxiety coming back. But I dont remember having such a hard time with it. Yeah I was ocd and couldnt let things in my brain go and yes that bothered me to the point where I could barely eat but my brain didnt feel like it was on fire or get the sweats or feel so uncomfortable verging on a panic attack or have quite this much fear.  Nor did it flip flop so much. Now it is back to affecting my stomach again but the leg pain is giving me a break.  They do tingle today at times though. My biggest fear is that its just anxiety and depression and now I cant take these meds to try and get relief.  I just do not know what to do.  I want to keep pushing through this but its so hard not knowing if it will ever end.  So sad!

 

Edited by ChessieCat
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Erell

Hi Denas

You've been through a lot of changes the past few months : I think this is not depression coming back, but your brain trying To find an equilibrium!

It Will end. Patience is the key. 

 

Courage!

 

 

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ChessieCat

2 Introduction topics merged - each member has only 1 Introduction topic where they can ask questions and journal their progress.  This keeps a member's history in one place.

 

 

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Denas1969

Do I post off of this thread everytime? Sorry I am confused about how to post.  

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ChessieCat

Your Introduction topic is where you post questions about your own situation and journal your progress and can be supported and encouraged by other members of the SA community.  This keeps your history in one place and becomes a case study for any medical professionals visiting SA.

 

We encourage members to visit other members' introduction topics to encourage and support them, but when posting in them please remember that it is their topic about them so keep the things you post about yourself relevant to the other member's situation.  If they want to find out more about your situation they can visit your introduction topic.

 

There are other topics on this site and you are welcome to make relevant posts in those, but please keep them "on topic".  However, please ensure that you post things that are specific to your situation here in your Introduction topic otherwise they may get overlooked.

 

 

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Denas1969

Need some help here from the ladies. I was prescribed monostat and metrogel.  Has anyone had to take these while in withdrawal....experiences?

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Denas1969

So I am still struggling to stay drug free. Went to see my psych who wanted me to start prozac and zyprexa i think its call Symbiax because i cried during the appt and vented my fears and such. He did point out that my tsh is low.  I have an appt with endocronologist oct 29 and I am actually hoping for bad news so we can work on getting me better. So tired so cranky so achey so sick of this.  I had thyroid issues after lyme disease and several cysts on my thyroid but was told they went away. When i started lexapro it helped me gain weight which i needed badly at the time but now I am wondering if it just masked the thyroid issues the whole time i was on it.  I have certainly lost all that weight since trying to go back on it and kindling on trying others so now I am back to where it all started.  Funny thing is my primary ran these same tests a few months ago and said everything was normal. Now they arent.  Cannot wait for my appt!!  

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Don't let the psych talk you into any drugs.

Counselors will try to do that too. 

They don't understand what you are going through. 

I finally quit going to my doc because he has been my doc for 20 years and means well but could only recommend that I go back on the prozac. I would be crying and venting my fears and hopelessness. And my suicidal thoughts.

He was so frustrated that I would not do it when he heard me describe my symptoms that I really felt it grieved him. In weak moments I would leave his office with a scrip, but thank God I always came around before I took any of it. My wave would lift enough for me to get some sense.

This was my family doc, not a psych. 

I already knew what the psychs would say: oh, lets do a custom cocktail of devil's candy.

My counselor helping me deal with my issues said she had never seen anyone in all her years with such excruciating acute anxiety, but reluctantlyagreed to try to help without meds. And saw me improve out of it. I think she was amazed.

You will get past the horrible symptoms too, if you don't let anyone talk you into  taking "meds". It looks attractive when you're in a bad wave, but don't do it.

I lost 23 lbs in 8 weeks.

Hope the tests go well. I will be hoping for good news for you lol.

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Btw I think the doc thought my husband was the meanest guy alive because he was against me going on any more meds no matter how I was crying and being miserable. At times I did too!

I am so thankful my husband stood firm because he was right. I could make it on my own and finally be free!👏😉  

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Denas1969

How long did you suffer through until you got relief?   This is messing with me so bad right now.  Back to being always tired and feeling sick my legs ache and so cold.  My body temp is really low most of the time.  I cry way too much and still feel so restless and starting to get a bit paranoid like I was before ever being on lexapro to begin with making it seem like the deprrssion is back.  I mean what if it never goes away?  I cannot live like this forever.  Believe me when I say I am trying so hard to do things but working is hard and most of the time i stare into space petrified and sick of feeling so sick.  Almost nothing brings me joy or happiness.  Like I dont care about the things I used to.  I so want to feel that spark of creativity and have that feeling of well being back again. Life just isnt worth living without it.  Will it ever come back???

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9 hours ago, Denas1969 said:

How long did you suffer through until you got relief?   This is messing with me so bad right now.  Back to being always tired and feeling sick my legs ache and so cold.  My body temp is really low most of the time.  I cry way too much and still feel so restless and starting to get a bit paranoid like I was before ever being on lexapro to begin with making it seem like the deprrssion is back.  I mean what if it never goes away?  I cannot live like this forever.  Believe me when I say I am trying so hard to do things but working is hard and most of the time i stare into space petrified and sick of feeling so sick.  Almost nothing brings me joy or happiness.  Like I dont care about the things I used to.  I so want to feel that spark of creativity and have that feeling of well being back again. Life just isnt worth living without it.  Will it ever come back??

I am at 16 months, and my enjoyment of and excitement for things I previously enjoyed and was passionate about is gradually coming back. At about 10 months I started making myself sew a bit, garden some, take art classes. I was so weak my son tilled the soil. How it grieved me to not feel anything for these activities. And when I looked ahead, i.e. thought things like, How am I going to live life with no passions?, I immediately fell into a pit if depression and hopelessness. DO NOT THINK OF THE FUTURE. IT WILL CRUSH YOUR SPIRIT AND KEEP YOU UNDER. You don't know what it will look like.

So just forget about it and focus on today.

Thoughts like, Well, I guess I will go thru life blah blah blah, or I guess this is how it's going to be from now on, etc. will cause your panic and despair to rise.

When I caught myself doing this I asked myself, how do you know? Answer, I don't. Try to control your spirit (your mind and emotions), or it will control you.

I soon began to feel swatches of joy in art class, though accompanied by anxiety due to my confused, damaged brain.

Sewing created too much anxiety and confusion, as did canning or other lengthy projects. Concentration and focus were and at times still are an issue.

Getting outside in the garden really helped too. I have since learned that being outdoors speaks to developing the brain, so I guess that's what it was.

The worst feeling was complete lack of feeling for my husband, which began coming back at 15 months.

You have gotten on and off many different meds, where I quit completely and never went back on anything, so we are different in our approaches to this, but I feel very close to 100 per cent now at 16 months.

To answer your question.

Intense, horrific suffering faded out at about month 12. 

What helped during the intense suffering? Went to a natural M.D. who prescribed Min Chex herbal supplement, which helped immensely, followed by Min Tran, a milder form when that brought me too low, and 5htp plus.

These are pharmaceutical grade supplements. These worked on anxiety and then brought me too low. So I went back to whatever works mode.

For anxiety and before bed Bachs Rescue Remedy was a miracle. Mountain dew every morning at 9:30 brought my mood up each day for several weeks, an occasional Happy Camper supplement, then a Starbucks decaf cafe americano each day, oh, it was crazy, but it seemed like when my brain was healing different areas, different things worked. I just went with the flow. At about 11 months I read here about fish oil and it is still my go-to for anxiety. For sleep it is magnesium. I began to swim laps again, which created anxiety for a number of weeks, but overall helped out with anxiety ad still does. Eating on time and not letting myself get too hungry, and going to bed by 9:00  helped alot with preventing anxiety. When I felt it welling up parenting myself by saying, okay you're just getting tired, or hungry, etc. helped me not to get freaked out and let the anxiety take over.

I still do this. It is very important to control your mind before it starts to control you. And to recognize the anxiety and not fight it, as this causes it to skyrocket. Just say, okay, Im feeling anxious. And move on as if it wasn't there. 

Besides a very godly, grounded husband and an iron resolve not to swallow any more poison pills, the 2 things that have helped me the most are God's Word and Jesus holding my hand through those horrible months, neither of which I was able to really feel for emotionally as before, but which paid off one hundred thousand fold in the end. The Bible says we are to declare things that are not as though they were and I did. Now those things, not being beat by drugs and being once more of sound mind and body, ARE.

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Btw: waves and windows are often so faint as to be unnoticed now.

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Denas1969

I am scared to post this after the horrific week I had last week but I have been doing pretty good this week. Some minor aches in hips and legs and a bit of sleep troubles but once I am up and get going I have been good. I hope hope hope this is a positive trend.   Last week i was crying and my legs were like ice cubes and i had a general sick feeling worse than prior weeks and I am hoping that was my last major wave ..yeah I know wishful thinking.  At least if I do get another wave I know a window is just around the corner.  I even have a sense of well being in my gut, hard to describe but it feels good. Almost 3 months off 7 weeks of zoloft and 1 day of lexapro, pristiq, 5 days of celexa.  Oh and 5 days of lithium and zyprexa, well you see in my signature. Over a year since being on Lexapro for 3 or so years.  Please let this mean I am healing now!!!!!

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Altostrata

Hello, Denas.

 

It does appear that you became very hypersensitive to antidepressants. It's a good sign you're having a window so soon. If you don't have post-acute withdrawal syndrome from the drugs, you seem to be recovering from the adverse reactions. Please continue to tell us how you're doing.

 

How much omega-3 fish oil are you taking?

 

A lot of people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

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Denas1969

I take gummies for omega 3 and dha called vitafive and take 2 a day.  I don't think it is a *** dose and thinking of going with something else when these run out, suggestions welcome please. I use Dr Teals mag bodywash and I make my own oil for spraying on different areas before bed, mainly my legs because I feel it helps the cramping I get.  I had stopped everything else I was supplementing because the b's ramped me up quite a bit and testing showed folate and b12 were good. Take d occasionally.  Cannabis and cbd off and on and very sparingly.  I am enjoying cannabis more now but just a few months ago I couldn't handle it.  Had a bad night last night of ocd thoughts and couldnt sleep and i got the really cold feeling and the aches were bad today. Hoping to.sleep soon here it is almost 2am. Had appt with endocrinologist today and apparently the left side of my thyroid is swollen he says. Ordered a lot of blood work which I cant have done until November 11.  I also have to go for an ultrasound.  Haven't been crying so that is good I guess. Maybe I am hitting another wave since I had a good week and 3 days.  Hoping it doesn't last long.  

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