☼ Armorall: CT from bupropion and risperidone

[Armorall]

@username001 clever name! I am fine now. I think when I had aphasia, it became like the last extreme symptom I had before I started getting better. There's a survivor that I always used to talk to that had kaleidescope vision at the end, then started trending upward. I am mostly just holding off on writing a success story until I am actually teaching in person. 
But, I had aphasia, then at month 13 I slowly started getting better, then saw everything come back through months 18-22 respectively. 
You will get your full thoughts and expression back. For more evidence, look up coldturkmama and undiagnosed01, probably others but I can't remember. I had actually asked them both about theirs (when I had aphasia) and they said the same. I teach online and argue in activist circles constantly and have no doubts about my regained ability.  
You will get yours back, do not worry. Just take care of yourself in the best possible way. We don't know when you will start getting better, but you will. You are doing the best you can and someday, as someone assured me on here, it will all be in your rearview mirror.  

[username001]

@Armorallthank u for replying, did you also have issues with reading facial expressions, and moods of people, and brain fog, and memory problems 

[Armorall]

@username001 no on reading facial expressions, , meaning, I could read them.  I could tell people's moods but my suffering was so great that it kinda didn't matter/I just didn't care what was up with them, I also lost a sense of modesty/filter, I would blurt out my story of WD to anyone who listened, including co-workers and cops that didn't need as much information as I was giving. Not sure about brain fog, I feel like I was in hyper analysis all the time, even when I was super fatigued. What was destroying our marriage at the time was all my daily analysis on how things could have went so that I didn't end up taking drugs. A lot of that analysis involved choices my husband made, so he was wracked with guilt and anger towards my anger about the situation. Slight memory problems, but I honestly could have had that and it just took a backseat to all my more painful symptoms of deep depression, lethargy, cortisol rushes, never being ever awake/have the energy to do my work during the day no matter how much I slept. I feel like WD has very common symptoms amongst us all at the core, but then the secondary ones vary from person to person. Just because the symptoms between you and I don't match up doesn't  mean you will not heal, just putting that out there because I thought the same thing when I was in your shoes. Again, the few survivors that I talked to monthly/weekly/daily did not match up almost at all...yet here we are. 

[Erell]

Thank you for your beautiful updates @Armorall, it's so nice to hear from you as you're feeling better ☀️🙏

 

I wish you a peaceful day 

[Armorall]

@Erell thank you! I wish you good healing as well ❤️❤️❤️ 

[username001]

@Armorallthank you for taking the time to answer my questions and provide some reassurance. I highly doubt anything we’ve experienced from withdrawal is completely permanent. I say in 10 years max, the majority of us on the site going through withdrawal will be 105% healed. 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@Armorall

i am glad u have recovered… I was wondering did u experience relentless non stop chemical fear during ur WD? Constant inner fear not linked to any particular thoughts? I can’t seem to get a break from it and from depersonalization

almost after a year off an adverse reaction (just 3.5 weeks of Zoloft). Thanks 

[Armorall]

@JesusSavemefromWDHello! I did not have that chemical fear. I had ridiculous anxiety pangs at first (like even panging in my sleep) and then later it just turned into deep fatigue with insane anxiety if I napped or sometimes ate food or exercised. I definitely had rushes of fear every now and again, but it wasn't my most prominent symptom. 
BUT if you read Undiagnosed1 (who I contacted constantly during my worst months) he DID have chemical fear. He was paralyzed with it for 16 or so months where he  couldn't even leave his house. But...he got better. I think it broke around month 18 for him. We both (and I see you are also in the camp) were short-timers, less than 7 months on the drug. 
Now, I know drug length doesn't always count for something and you can't compare, but you do just have to wait for "the turn" as I like to call it. It's when you're not completely healed, but you turn a corner and there's marked relief, so you know you can take more things on. I'm sorry you're suffering so deeply, I read your drug signature. But... the turn will happen, we just can't say when. If you're looking for solace in people who have had similar experiences, I think Undiagnosed1 is a good success story to check out. He was open to being messaged for support as well (I'm not sure if he is any more) but it's worth a shot if you'd like. 
I deeply empathize with your suffering and wish you good healing...please hang in there. You are working through it beautifully and you can continue to until "the turn". Please message if you need to be reminded in the future. I definitely did, so I understand. 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Thank u for replying… this fear is not letting up and renders me completely dysfunctional, I don’t know if it ll ever stop! I ll contact undiagnosed1, thank u… other symptoms seem to be slightly getting better but not the fear that’s why I am so pessimistic about it. Never experienced fear before zoloft ….yea I am certainly in the club of short term use … just weeks and suffering a year …. Despite all these horrific symptoms I have, I feel if the fear would subside i d be able to function a bit instead of being bedridden…. Thanks agsin and sorry for rambling… I just feel desperate 

[Armorall]

@JesusSavemefromWD I hear you and yes, with Undiagnosed it was also relentless until the 18 month mark. I'm glad you're contacting him. I feel for you and how consistent the suffering is. Keep in touch ❤️

[Armorall]

One of my facebook friends was giving this patch away, so I vouched for it. I'm mostly healed, just waiting to write my success story after I am working 40 hours in person to really make sure. But...when I got this patch in the mail, I just thought of everyone on here and how I wish y'all had it. You all should have this patch, I really love patches so maybe this isn't as powerful to you as it is to me, but I hope you have something like this in your life to look at and feel proud. I feel like this patch says it all in terms of all my past  days of withdrawal. Much love and comfort to all who are struggling right now...you will feel better and be free of this one day. 

[Happy2Heal]

that is *perfect*!!

 

I love it!

yes I think we all deserve that but no one more than you do!

 

 

[Armorall]

Thank you @Happy2Heal, I appreciate your kind and empowering energy as always. Hope you have a great week!

[Armorall]

I started the journey of perimenopause yesterday. Kinda sad, I know I am lucky to have healed so fast, but it's like my entire 40s will be spent battling how messed up I am (pregnancy, post partum anxiety, withdrawal now peri. )

@ShepI know you used  black cohosh- is there a brand that you liked?
I see in a peri group that people really like using FLO vitamins, but I'm scared of what it might do to me. 

[Phoenixmama]

Hi @Armorall how do you know you started ? I think we are around the same age and would like to know when I start , instead of thinking it’s something else 

[Armorall]

after my normal period, I started bleeding again 10 days later. I was cramping and having vivid dreams about a month leading up to it. The cramping isn't going away. I also have dry mouth. If I was still going through WD, it'd be harder to tell, but given that I've been awesome for 8 months, it's pretty obvious. I'm 46.5 years old, so I'm right in the realm now. My mom was 52 when she started, my grandma was 49. Your maternal leads are your best predictor of when you will start, but I'm definitely the early girl. 

[Phoenixmama]

ok im going to be 43 in march , thank you for the info , so now i have some indicators to look out for.... my grandmother had a hysterectomy when she was in her early 30's and my mom , she has been on street drugs most of her life so i guess she cant tell... i am totally grateful for you info @Armorall

[Armorall]

@Phoenixmama It's my pleasure. I did get checked for perimenopause at 43- I think that's when I first starting going through withdrawal. My ob/gyn said I was on the young side for peri back then. I joined a FB group- there are some people there who started at 43, but really, my age seems to be the most common for the start of peri, and yeah, my mom and grandma is much later. All we can really know then is that you'll get it by the time you're probably 53/55 or so. I hope you are feeling better these days...good times are ahead! I'm feeling better right now and just waiting to see what black cohosh rec's there are out there for me since Shep liked them. 

[Phoenixmama]

im also going to have to make a note of this  black cohosh rec for when its my time , because i do not want to go rushing to the doctors , im truamatized by them 

[Armorall]

@Phoenixmama I agree. I tell people they should go to doctors places for testing, listen to what they say about treatment, then go back out into the world and seek out groups that talk about the condition you tested into (if you think you've been accurately diagnosed) and see what people say has harmed/helped them in the way of treatment. There's nothing to trust with late capitalist for-profit medicine. 

[Shep]

21 hours ago, Armorall said:

@ShepI know you used  black cohosh- is there a brand that you liked?
I see in a peri group that people really like using FLO vitamins, but I'm scared of what it might do to me. 

 

I use Herb Pharm liquid for hot flashes. It worked within a couple of weeks for me, but please make sure you do your research to find what's best for you. There are some studies that say you shouldn't stay on it long term (another reason to research). By using liquid, it will be easier to taper off, so that was a major reason for getting a liquid formula. 

[Armorall]

@Shep oh wow, ok, thank you! 

[Armorall]

I keep forgetting to post one of my reviews on one of the people involved in my iatrogenic injury. I posted reviews on: my therapist prior to hospitalization, my therapist after hospitalization, my psychiatrist in the hospital (when I read other reviews, it turns out she often overmedicates people, there's one man who said that she put his wife on 9 medications) my psychiatrist after the hospital, the hospital that housed me before I was admitted. All awful and/or damaging experiences. Below is the review I wrote on the psychiatrist that I had after hospitalization. I hope in seeing this, that more people draft their own reviews. I have also compiled a list of places in which you should drop your reviews and included the list that is also on SA for such reviews. I am available to help people draft their reviews, just contact me and we can see how best to collaborate. I think if we can have a collective collection (haha) that would be powerful , as well as as many people sharing their stories in every venue possible to raise awareness and help legitimize our suffering. So, please read my review, let me know if you want help writing your own and also please tell me if there's other venues I should add to the list on places to drop reviews. Thank you. 

*****

 

I became a patient of Dr. _____’ after I was released from four days in the behavioral health ward. At first, things were fine. I came in once a month and told him things were fine with medication. I was on 150 mg of an SNRI and 2 mg of an antipsychotic. After three months, he wanted me to do some bloodwork to make sure that I was processing the medication ok.
I did, and upon our next appointment (if I ever have questions on medication, the only way to reach him is by making an appointment that’s usually a month out- a bit disconcerting for someone on psychiatric meds that have creepy side effects), he wanted to switch me out of my antipsychotic for a new one. So, his instructions were to stop taking the old antipsychotic cold-turkey, then take a half of the new one for a day, then take a whole one the day after.
I felt like I had a cold the first night. Over the weeks I didn’t realize this, but I was experiencing  akathisia that got worse and worse. I couldn’t put my son to bed at night because it was hard to keep still. I went to get a facial at a spa and freaked out and ripped open the eye mask because I couldn’t bear to have my eyes covered. After a month, Dr.____ took me off of it and put me on a new antipsychotic. So, how many cold-turkey changes is that? Antipsychotic #1 to Antipsychotic #2 to Antipsychotic #3 in the course of 1.5 months. 

In sum, Dr. _____ wanted me to change my psychiatric medication. He knew nothing of tapering. So, when he wanted to change it, he just told me to stop taking one and start another. After an adverse reaction, he did it again. After another adverse reaction, he did it a third time. After that adverse reaction, I quit the drug cold turkey. In the course of this, never was I ever advised or warned to never go off psychiatric drugs cold turkey, and his lack of understanding in that realm was obvious given that he never had me taper before switching to another drug. 

Then, I got acute insomnia from all the changes and resulting brain injury for not getting a tapering schedule (where you switch to another drug by slowly reducing the amount of the previous drug so as not to shock out the system). I stopped taking my SNRI as I heard from my psychologist that Wellbutrin is particularly activating and it is most likely keeping me up. I left a message with Dr. ____ and his nurse called me back later and said that Dr.____ had never heard of Wellbutrin being an activating drug and said to just keep taking it. Neither one of them ever, ever said it was dangerous to cold-turkey a drug, and, how could they when they had me cold-turkeying the antipsychotics? 

That was just the beginning of my nightmare. I did go back to Dr.____ while I was in the throes of suffering from my iatrogenic brain injury caused from the reckless issuing of drugs. I asked him how he could do something like that to me and probably others, not issue any sort of tapering schedule at all. He maintained that I wasn’t experiencing withdrawal and told me after I mentioned my symptoms that he would put me back on wellbutrin plus trazadone. I asked him if he thought that I should taper the drugs in order to be safer. He entertained the idea by just saying to just cut the trazadone in half for the first two doses. 

Dr. _____ clearly has no concept of tapering with psychiatric drugs and harms people regularly. He should have his license taken away. The following is the hell I have gone through due to his recklessness and harm: 

 

My body started going through psychiatric withdrawal/iatrogenic brain injury. My withdrawal was so severe that I was basically disabled. I was fired from my job and my husband sent me divorce papers with intent to have full custody of my son because I was such a mess of either deep apathy or hysteria. I will attempt to list all of the symptoms I experienced.  I couldn’t sing, write/listen to music, watch TV/music, read, take my son out to parks because I was either too tired/depressed, or the activity would send me into paroxysms of anxiety. At work, I slept through all my prep periods and had to leave early/show up late often because I was so beyond tired, even after sleeping for 8 to 20 hours. I couldn’t eat, I lost 70 pounds in 3 months,  I lost 50% of my hair. I had heat dysregulation that would wake me up at night (heat would roll down my body), my skin peels off like a snake. I couldn’t eat sugar or carbs or else it would hyperstimulate me or make me super sluggish. I have tinnitus in my left ear, I still feel tremors at night. If I turn suddenly, either in my sleep or awake, my heart will start to race. Eating food or taking naps will also stimulate intense anxiety. I had to wear sunglasses while using the computer because the light was too bright.  I will never be able to take cold medicine, drink coffee or alcohol ever again as it will bring me back to being ridden with symptoms. If I ever get cancer, I will probably have to choose to die rather than receive therapy because of how badly I would suffer from receiving treatment. 

Hypnic jerks, waking panic attacks, fractured sleep, intense fatigue, floaters in the eyes, sound sensitivity while sleeping, expressive aphasia, inability to exercise for more than 10 minutes because it exacerbates symptoms, I often mix up homophones, and my short term memory suffers. 

 

In the end, I still have autonomic dysfunction, which means that my body overreacts to stimuli. Had I been given the guidance to taper/had I had the appropriate counseling/had I had psychiatrists that actually evaluated my situation, none of this would have mattered. My central nervous system is damaged forever, and my son and husband will never know the dynamic activist/musician/educator/footballer/dancer that I was. I am a sickly shell of myself because of the reckless prescribing of Dr._______.
I’ve sought help from someone who testifies as an expert witness on cases involving psychiatric drugs. She took one look at my drug history (prescribed by Dr._____) and asked me if I was a complete basketcase from all the reckless drug changes. Thanks Dr.____, for that. 

List of places to drop reviews in:

Yelp

Google

Better Business Bureau

Rate my doctor 

 

I got this advice from the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology:

 

"...Complaints about psychiatrists should be addressed to the American

Psychiatric Association (888-357-7924). Complaints about neurologists

should be addressed to the American Academy of Neurology (651-695-1940).

 

In addition, you should send your complaint to your state medical board...."

 

In the US, send complaints to the state medical board and the doctor's professional association.

 

You may also wish to send a very passionate and personal letter to the doctor (I would not tell him or her you have filed a complaint -- let that be a surprise).

 

(There are also sites like http://www.yelp.com/ where you can write a review affecting your doctor's local reputation.)

 

Here are links to the state medical boards:

 

http://www.ama-assn.org/ama/pub/education-careers/becoming-physician/medical-licensure/state-medical-boards.page

 

How to contact the American Psychiatric Association http://www.psychiatry.org/contact-us-for-help :

 

1000 Wilson Boulevard

Suite 1825

Arlington, VA 22209

Call Toll-Free: 1-888-35-PSYCH

From outside the U.S. and Canada call: 1-703-907-7300

Email: apa@psych.org

 

How to contact the American Academy of Neurology https://www.aan.com/contact-aan/ :

 

201 Chicago Avenue

Minneapolis, MN 55415

Tel: (800) 879-1960

or (612) 928-6000 (International)

Fax: (612) 454-2746

Email: memberservices@aan.com

 

From https://www.aan.com/membership/professionalism-and-disciplinary-program/

 

To report your adverse reactions and withdrawal symptoms, complete the FDA MedWatch Online Voluntary Reporting Form (3500) online at https://www.accessdata.fda.gov/scripts/medwatch/medwatch-online.htm or by phone 1-800-332-1088

 

(Citizens of countries other than the US may also report to the FDA's MedWatch system.)

 

In the US, you can also file a complaint about your doctor with your state medical board.

 

Here are links to the state medical boards:

http://www.ama-assn.org/ama/pub/education-careers/becoming-physician/medical-licensure/state-medical-boards.page

 

FDA
https://www.accessdata.fda.gov/scripts/medwatch/

 

Conceivably, a patient or patient groups could commission a special report from AdverseEvents.com
 

Edited January 15, 2022 by ChessieCat
unbolded majority of text

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Thank you for doing all these. I so much want to recover and join the fight against these evil drugs…. I am so happy and encouraged by ur recovery after what you have suffered. My husband is sticking next to me during this so I am lucky in that part but it is still hell on earth for me.

[Armorall]

@JesusSavemefromWD thank you for the acknowledgement! And yes, I totally understand, I couldn't have written these while in withdrawal either. I hope people who have longer windows or, particularly, people that are healed will take it on and keep going. I am sorry to hear that you are still suffering. Just remember that that corner turn will come up and things will lighten considerably. Please reach out in the future if you need some support or when you've healed enough to write your reviews- I can help with either. Much healing and comfort to you.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

10 hours ago, Armorall said:

@JesusSavemefromWD thank you for the acknowledgement! And yes, I totally understand, I couldn't have written these while in withdrawal either. I hope people who have longer windows or, particularly, people that are healed will take it on and keep going. I am sorry to hear that you are still suffering. Just remember that that corner turn will come up and things will lighten considerably. Please reach out in the future if you need some support or when you've healed enough to write your reviews- I can help with either. Much healing and comfort to you.

Thank you…. I find hard to believe there will be any healing for me (15 months suffering after a short exposure) but I promise you I ll join the fight if I do recover or at least start getting some windows . Are you able to live an normal-ish life now? Are ur relationships with family and friends restored?

[Armorall]

@JesusSavemefromWD Yes! In fact I just submitted my success story, so this thread will close soon, but please reach out any time on here or via my facebook. Everything is normal, I'm back to being super social, dancing and organizing and working and working out as much as I want. I taught my son soccer last summer and got him on a team. Hold on for approval on my success story and you can read the whole thing (uh if you want). I put important details first so as not to bore my audience and then the other stuff later, lol.
You will heal! Just hold on, wait to turn that corner and try to be compassionate with yourself before then. 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

5 minutes ago, Armorall said:

@JesusSavemefromWD Yes! In fact I just submitted my success story, so this thread will close soon, but please reach out any time on here or via my facebook. Everything is normal, I'm back to being super social, dancing and organizing and working and working out as much as I want. I taught my son soccer last summer and got him on a team. Hold on for approval on my success story and you can read the whole thing (uh if you want). I put important details first so as not to bore my audience and then the other stuff later, lol.
You will heal! Just hold on, wait to turn that corner and try to be compassionate with yourself before then. 

I am so happy for u! I used to play soccer with my boys and teach them Greek dancing like “Zorbas syrtaki” now I am in bed all day long, I can’t even give them a bath. Everyone tells me I ll heal but I don’t feel any signs of healing … I am really scared…. Enjoy your life!!!! You deserve it!!!! 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

2 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

I am so happy for u! I used to play soccer with my boys and teach them Greek dancing like “Zorbas syrtaki” now I am in bed all day long, I can’t even give them a bath. Everyone tells me I ll heal but I don’t feel any signs of healing … I am really scared…. Enjoy your life!!!! You deserve it!!!! 

I believe the photo u have on ur Facebook page is from a greek island … probably Santorini…. I live in Canada now but I was planning vacation there with my kids and husband but Zoloft had other plans for me ….. 😞

[Armorall]

@JesusSavemefromWD You probably can't feel any signs of healing because that's not how it works for most of us. I don't know how many success stories you've read, but most people just notice one day that they are better (in terms of a certain symptom, not suddenly recovered). But there's no indication beforehand. I'm so sorry you are still suffering. I have a few Greek friends and my favorite cousin is married to a Greek man. We also spent part of our honeymoon there a few years ago. So, I can sort of picture what you are talking about and of course the football part of it. You will come back to that life, don't worry. You will heal.  Your children appreciate you for who you are, not for what you do for them. My son didn't remember anything about me being sick after I healed. Do not worry, and healing will be coming. I am here to remind you. 

Yes! Santorini! It was a beautiful visit!

[ChessieCat]

CONGRATULATIONS!!! 

 

Armorall has written her Success Story. 

 

As is the custom here at SA, Armorall's Introduction topic will now be locked.

 

Her Success Story can be found here:

 

armorall-got-my-dancing-shoes-back-on