☼ Armorall: CT from bupropion and risperidone

[Armorall]

Thanks C!

[Armorall]

I stayed home from work and slept through the day minus my therapist's appointment.  I'm still tired now. Enter new phase...fatigue. 

[Armorall]

Fatigue didn't actually last for more than an hour. Whenever I have crappier sleep, I always have a normal feeling work day. So strange.

[Armorall]

Had ok sleep last night. Been in a window all day today. Good timing,  we have conferences today.  

I've also made arrangements with my husband to start getting to bed at 8pm instead of after we put down the baby at 10pm. Hopefully that will help with my sleep. 

 

I realize that the last few weeks I have really dark urine probably once a day.  

@Shep I see that people have this because of withdrawal. Is it something that I should have checked? 

[Altostrata]

You probably need to drink more water. Otherwise, see your doctor for a urine test. We don't deal with general medicine here.

[Armorall]

That's the thing, I drank a lot of water and it is still dark! I saw other people had it, too. Ok thanks Altostrata. 

[Armorall]

Have a window from this morning until now. I usually have a Monday window though after sleeping through the weekend. I guess it's more of a "good day" than a window, but I'll take it. 

[Armorall]

I read @RuthS topic and now wondering if I should try taking promethium. I'm a 44 year old woman not in menopause but maybe perimenoupausal?

[brassmonkey]

Promethium is an extremely rare and highly radioactive element. It is very hard for experimental laboratories to get a hold it and it is quite deadly to come in contact with.  Any medication claiming to contain this element is a sham and should be avoided.

[Armorall]

Sorry @brassmonkey it was actually Prometrium- someone posted about using it for hormone therapy and it helped them sleep.

@RuthS I wonder if it would help me sleep!

[brassmonkey]

That makes quite a difference. However, I still wouldn't recommend using it.  There is some evidence that it does help with sleep, but it is aimed particularly at men, but for men it will have some "interesting" side effects such as enlarged breasts.  For women it is an important reproductive hormone so supplementation needs to be done with care i  healthy women.  Hormonal problems are a major WD symptom because the drugs cause a lot of trouble to the hormonal systems, to add a supplement on top of that would cause even more problems.  For the small chance that it may help ones sleep the risk of a severe increase in WD symptoms just isn't worth it.

[Altostrata]

On 11/12/2019 at 11:58 AM, Armorall said:

Sleep has been "normal". I could actually hit the snooze button twice today and get back to bed. Now I can see what people talk about in over-exerting, though. I ran to work today from my car because I had diarhea. I had muscle soreness on the back of one leg for a few hours. 

Also, I had abstained from the morning magnesium drink for three days, then I take it today and suddenly my body can't handle it? arg. 

I had a session with Baylissa yesterday and feel positive from the experience. 

 

If you take too much magnesium, you can get loose stools.

 

If you're very gradually improving overall, why are you continually speculating about which drug to try next?

[Armorall]

@Altostrata The thing is, in the past, taking too much magnesium was somewhere around going over 300mg. So it was weird that I hadn't taken it for days, then I took only 160mg and had a reaction to it.

 

I don't think I'm gradually improving. I think November and October are relatively the same in terms of sleep and I've got new symptoms in November. I think those two months were worse than September. I now have muscle reactivity to doing things that I normally do- going for a walk- ran to the school and that cramped my leg? Walked home from the doc and my left leg cramped up. My sleep is still fitful. I can still go two days with terrible sleep. I get "better" sleep if I can sleep for 11 straight hours, because then all the wake-ups and hot flashes I can recover from and perhaps get in a compounded total of 5 hours. Now, I also get very cold at night and my hands and feet sweat. 

I'm going to lose my job over my lack of ability to get consecutive nights of enough sleep. 

 

New symptoms= October- tinnitus

November- muscle cramps over extended movements and sweating hands and feet at night along with feeling cold (particularly in hands and feet) under the blanket. Dark urine.

I guess I don't have the burning skin thing that I had a couple of times in October.

symptoms still here through the three months: light/medium depression, anxiety, insomnia.

I really want my sleep back enough so I can continue to work...

@Altostrata do you really think I am gradually improving? I'd love to think that. How am I, though?

 

[Altostrata]

Can you organize your day so you get more sleep? Maybe go to bed early?

 

Sleep is healing. After a while, you may get better sleep and need less of it.

 

Magnesium is best taken in small doses throughout the day. If you don't take it, you might lose tolerance for it and find it causes loose stools.

 

Having re-read your topic for the last months, it seems to me you are having more frequent windows of good sleep.

On 11/2/2019 at 2:10 PM, Armorall said:

I slept "well" last night. Just tossing and turning, pretty calm nervous system. So well, that I skipped my niece's early afternoon birthday party to sleep in (after visiting the evil psychiatrist in the morning). 

Spent the whole day on here reading, but pretty calm system. 

My son 2.5 year old son is getting very verbal and said "mommy stay home and rest? Mommy not coming with?" this is heartbreaking.  Now going to try to eat. 

Still wondering about how these other people online could get back on their drugs after 18 months, etc etc. Can this be a possibility? 

 

On 11/4/2019 at 7:44 AM, Armorall said:

Update- I've had "better" sleep now for 3 nights in a row. Still have anxiety pangs at night, but able to go back to sleep, unlike before where I was just up for hours. Also, was able to nap profusely through the enter weekend. Hopefully my sleep will continue to improve. 

 

On 11/12/2019 at 11:58 AM, Armorall said:

Sleep has been "normal". I could actually hit the snooze button twice today and get back to bed. Now I can see what people talk about in over-exerting, though. I ran to work today from my car because I had diarhea. I had muscle soreness on the back of one leg for a few hours. 

Also, I had abstained from the morning magnesium drink for three days, then I take it today and suddenly my body can't handle it? arg. 

I had a session with Baylissa yesterday and feel positive from the experience. 

 

You might re-read your topic for your contemporaneous notes; when you look back in retrospect, you seem to think things were worse than you had reported.

 

Not really sure what's going on here. Yes, your sleep is unstable and you worry about how much you're going to get. But you are getting *some* sleep, which is more than a lot of people, with fairly frequent windows of better sleep.

 

We keep on telling you improvement is gradual, you see gradual improvement, but you want it to be faster. If we knew how to do that, we'd tell everyone to do it. You will need to be patient and help your healing along as much as you can. If you find you wake every morning at 4:30 a.m., to get more sleep, go to bed at 9 p.m.

[Armorall]

Ok @Altostratathanks for the insight. 

[Superwoman]

Armorall, 

 

Magnesium can be absorbed through the skin such as in a bath. There are also magnesium lotions.  You don’t get the diarrhea side effect when it is absorbed topically.  Have you tried this?  Maybe you would tolerate this better.  Epsom salt baths two or three times a week help with anxiety and sleep.  You would put 1 or 2 cups in the bath water.  My naturopathic doctor recommended this for me. 

[Shep]

12 hours ago, Altostrata said:

You might re-read your topic for your contemporaneous notes; when you look back in retrospect, you seem to think things were worse than you had reported.

 

@Armorall I'm going to add onto what Alto has already noted with this:

 

On 11/10/2019 at 10:03 AM, Armorall said:

You think my symptoms are moderate? I thought they were mild...some part of me hoped that my recovery is linear.

 

That was just a couple of weeks ago. I had thought your symptoms were more severe because of your need to "fix" withdrawal with more remedies and treatments. 

 

Please work on non-drug coping skills. These will help get you through the rest of your recovery and serve you well into the future. Time better spent than researching another drug. 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

If you can let go of the "hoped that my recovery is linear" way of thinking, you'll be able to float through the waves with the momentum you're gaining from the windows, knowing that more windows are coming your way. 

 

Very few people's recovery is linear. Waves are to be expected and even welcomed because they give you the opportunity to practice the non-drug coping skills until they become habit.

 

The goal is to walk away from this experience able to handle whatever comes your way without the need or want for a drug, where you're fully capable of handling life even better than before you became sick. Otherwise, you may be left open to being psychiatrized again should you reach another vulnerable place in your life. 

 

You're fortunate that your symptoms have been mild because it gives you the opportunity to learn these skills without being bedridden or too cognitively impaired to be able to implement them throughout your recovery journey. 

[Armorall]

Ok, thanks @Shep. I am frustrated with my life transition. As many on here, I was a powerhouse of organizing and action. I am so regretful of ever going to the hospital, but I know I must look forward now. 

 

@Superwomanthanks I know about the epsom salt baths. I can tolerate magnesium orally, it was a one time thing that I got diarhea that morning. 

[Armorall]

What I'm trying to figure out now is whether or not my sleep is "fixed" into times or not. My sleep is off because I was off for the holidays. I don't think I officially fall asleep until 1-3 am, but am allowed to sleep until 3pm if I want to. What I notice is that after the cortisol rushes at 4am or so, sleep is very pleasurable from 9am-whenever I wake up. It's still interrupted, but there is something luxurious about the feeling of how I draw in breath and dream. Maybe it's that the cortisol wears off by then and it is peaceful sleep.

I hope I can adjust to falling asleep at 8pm eventually and that the "pleasurable" sleep then comes in after 1am. I hope that it is not a fixed time in which I can have the pleasurable sleep and instead that it just doesn't start until after I've been sleeping for a few hours still. 

[Armorall]

Had quite possibly a breakthrough in sleep. Night before last I went to bed at 8pm instead of my usual 11pmish style. Horrible. Slept for an hour, would wake up for another, hot flashes, etc etc.

 

Last night I tried it again. Had peaceful sleep with the least amount of wakeups I think I've ever had since withdrawal started, no hot flashes, woke up to the alarm and I didn't even get the bodily response of being alarmed from the alarm like I usually do. I miss my son terribly, though, since I can't put him to bed- the very last vestige of my former life. All we did together in his first 1.5 years of life was sleep and nurse. 

God, I hope I heal sooner than later. Anyway,  if this system continues to work, then maybe I'll be able to keep my job since I'll have the sleep part intact. 

 

Had a phone consultation with Ann Blake Tracy last night. She told me if I keep up my blood sugar (6 almonds every hour) then I shouldn't get anxiety rushes through the night. Also she advocated for relaxese pills from her website (have skull cap and valerian and things in them) and mentioned that Alpha-stim really helped those she knew in withdrawal with insomnia. I am skeptical of these things, but am trying to get a prescription for Alpha-Stim. 

[Shep]

19 hours ago, Armorall said:

Had a phone consultation with Ann Blake Tracy last night. She told me if I keep up my blood sugar (6 almonds every hour) then I shouldn't get anxiety rushes through the night. Also she advocated for relaxese pills from her website (have skull cap and valerian and things in them) and mentioned that Alpha-stim really helped those she knew in withdrawal with insomnia. I am skeptical of these things, but am trying to get a prescription for Alpha-Stim. 

 

 

I'd be careful with Ann Blake Tracy's advice on anything. Valerian is a supplement that will need to be tapered - it affects GABA receptors and is considered a "mild benzo." The fact that she's giving you this type of advice either means you haven't conveyed how much progress you've made or she's wanting to make more money selling her supplements. 

 

As Alto put it:

 

On 11/26/2019 at 12:16 AM, Altostrata said:

If we could recommend Ann Blake-Tracy's work, we would, and close up this site.

 

You are seeing remarkable progress: 

 

 

19 hours ago, Armorall said:

Last night I tried it again. Had peaceful sleep with the least amount of wakeups I think I've ever had since withdrawal started, no hot flashes, woke up to the alarm and I didn't even get the bodily response of being alarmed from the alarm like I usually do.

 

19 hours ago, Armorall said:

I am skeptical of these things, but am trying to get a prescription for Alpha-Stim. 

 

You are seeing an amazing amount of progress, yet you are still reaching for outside fixes. 

 

Here is information on Alpha-Stim:

 

Alpha-Stim, Fisher Wallace Sota Biotuner, PoNS, and similar devices

 

It's your choice how you want to handle your recovery, but I would highly recommend non-drug coping skills. Since your recovery is mild (to quote one of your previous posts), you could take a yoga or meditation class, try art or music therapy, or any number of new paths that would lead you out of this and into a new way of coping. 

 

As I posted a few days ago: 

 

On 11/28/2019 at 9:35 AM, Shep said:

The goal is to walk away from this experience able to handle whatever comes your way without the need or want for a drug, where you're fully capable of handling life even better than before you became sick. Otherwise, you may be left open to being psychiatrized again should you reach another vulnerable place in your life. 

[Armorall]

Hi @Shep

Yes, I know about staying away from the supplements, Ann just made it seem so easy. I was looking at the Alpha-Stim anyway before her consult.

 

Regarding my recovery, am I really making remarkable progress? I feel like I am exactly the same as I was in October- it's just that I've shifted my sleep so that positionally I'm in a better place. I am betting that if i went back on Chinese herbs and still had my old sleep schedule, I'd be in the same crappy position that I've been in. 

 

It's only that I've changed my habits that I've gotten better sleep. Truth be told, if I can make it through tomorrow, it will be my first full week ever of work since I started disintegrating into withdrawal in October. Things are better, but it's in my habits that they are. I think my body is the same, if not a little worse. I'm incredibly tired in the morning regardless of my sleep, I sleep through my breaktimes. I picked up my son yesterday and played with him and I was winded afterwards. Anyways, I've been reaching out for more input because I'm about the same and wanted to see if there was more input on my situation. I've already talked to Ann, Baylissa and Shipko, so I think there's not much left anyway. 

 

I would like to think I'm making remarkable progress...But I think it's just that I've adjusted my habits. And I've seen how Brass Monkey prepares people for their "Very long journey" because of being a CT (even those who only took for a few months). I can't imagine that I could be recovering at all at almost month 5 if that is the case and off of a cocktail. 

 

Dunno, if you think it's still progress, I'd love to hear that. I'm so regretful, as most people are.  I keep replaying the events that led me to being hospitalized and fantasizing that I've gone another way.  It's not productive thinking and I haven't gotten over myself.  Thanks for reading. 

[Altostrata]

7 hours ago, Armorall said:

It's only that I've changed my habits that I've gotten better sleep. Truth be told, if I can make it through tomorrow, it will be my first full week ever of work since I started disintegrating into withdrawal in October. Things are better, but it's in my habits that they are.

 

Good for you. For many of us, all we need to do is get out of our own way.

 

You figured it out yourself, you don't need to pay Ann Blake-Tracy to tell you to take 6 almonds and go to bed.

[Armorall]

Thanks Altostrata, I think I actually figured out from you that going to bed earlier was going to make the difference.

Another thing I noticed which is pretty heartbreaking, is that I didn't have peaceful sleep last night (toss and turn) and I think it is because it's the first time I exercised before bed. The other days when I didn't exercise is when I had peaceful sleep. I had a dream of teaching my son soccer once it got warm out, now I'm not sure if I will be able to.

What will I do if I can't exercise? 

I can't do it in the morning, I will try right when I get home from work in hopes that not doing it closer to bed time will have a better effect. No cortisol morning, so that part was nice. 

 

[Raphael]

On 12/4/2019 at 9:22 AM, Armorall said:

I am skeptical of these things, but am trying to get a prescription for Alpha-Stim. 

If you decide to get the Alpha-Stim please let the SA community know your results.  It sounds interesting, but it's very expensive for those of us who would have to pay out of pocket. 

[Armorall]

 I will! Also I read through the thread on CES devices and contacted every person individually who said that they used it and had success. 

[Armorall]

Well, I had a reasonably peaceful sleep last night, didn't wake up to cortisol and had a good day today, I took my kids on a field trip. I did exercise the night before, so maybe exercise doesn't bring on a more fitful sleep. I will continue to try to work out right when I get home from work and see if it won't disrupt my sleep, I know exercise is important for perspective and healing. 

Yesterday I had the worst depression starting in the morning that I had ever had. Lasted until 1pm, then mild to moderate depression in the evening. I feel like I might be having more good days than bad, I've been bad about keeping a journal and need to get back on it. I hope this is the case. No new symptoms in December so far....I am five months out from my quit date. 

I just looked at some of my log. I don't get the weird cold hands, feet and nose anymore or sweatiness. Also, I've been moving my bowels daily now instead of every couple days like I have been in withdrawal. Maybe I am getting better!

[Superwoman]

I think you are getting better 🙂

[Shep]

Yes, I think Armorall is getting better, too, Superwoman. Just a matter of navigating the waves and windows. 

[Armorall]

Thank you @Shep @Superwoman

[Armorall]

I miscalculated, I'm four months out not 5. Had peaceful sleep last night. Let's go!

[Armorall]

I had sore muscles in my back and neck last night. Then I woke this morning with the same sore muscles plus a sore ankle for the entire day. I worked the elliptical for a half hour and it went away!

Strangely, I think the sore muscles were from wearing boots with platforms and standing around at a party on Saturday. it's the first time I went out on a Saturday night (went to bed at normal time, though) since October and I wonder if I pushed myself too hard? Horrible if I'm that fragile now...

I had better sleep again last night. Isn't there someone who said that once your sleep starts to return, other things do too? I wouldn't go so far as to say my sleep is returning, but I've now had maybe 5 nights of more peaceful sleep in all of December.  I have also had two days of depression that have lasted the whole day though, so there's an exchange. That's a new thing for me. 

[Armorall]

Welp, I had a good evening of sleep and I got my period today, so I now know why I had a day of depression! In my normal state, the day before my cycle usually kicks my bum, so I guess I need to watch out for that. Glad thatś all it is. 

[Armorall]

Haven't been on in a bit. I was excited because my sleep was getting better, then I had two days of waking up "happy". Was looking forward to seeing more progress over winter break. Unfortunately over the holidays, my mom got noro-virus, which in turn made everyone else get it, and it blew my sleep out of the water. I slept for two straight days, only to get up at get water or use the bathroom, but my time schedule was off. Now I'm back to work this week. Had windows at work on both Monday and Wednesday, Tuesday I called in, too tired. I'm fighting more tired now, but my husband assures me that I must normalize my sleeping pattern again before I decide anything on where I am in recovering. My window is good today- I even listened to music, which I never do anymore because it reminds me too much of my old life. Will report back once I get a sense of how my sleep and days are going.  Oh, also, I tried to drink decaf for the first time. The machine at work wasn't accepting the pod I put in, so I just ate a few granules. I think it did some good and did not bring me anxiety. If I could drink decaf and it not have any repercussions (but also some positive effect) I will totally do that. 

[Armorall]

Welp, no eating of decaf granules for me. Worst insomnia ever right now.  And here I thought I was having this amazing window- no just a caffeinated one. 

Question, what does SI stand for? I see people write about it but I have no idea what it is?

[Superwoman]

Maybe Suicidal ideation?  That is just a guess