☼ Armorall: CT from bupropion and risperidone

[Armorall]

Sunday until today- four days of windows during the day! Sleep challenging though. Last night was fitful, as was Sunday to Monday. But I'm happy to feel more or less symptom-less during the day for so many days (minus taking naps, then  I get a build of cortisol). I hope this keeps up and sleep gets better. 

[Armorall]

 Welp, I dunno what the fresh heck is this. 

I knew I was in an insomnia wave, but this is much weirder. 

I napped (I know I know) with my husband last night and felt hot. I thought it was because he was in bed with me- we haven't shared a bed since my insomnia started. 

But, I had toss n turn sleep all through the night, and the last few hours before waking I was really just laying in bed with my eyes closed. 

Then my body heated up so much like I have a fever, like my nostrils were hot, too. This is unusual. 

I usually wake up to the alarm and then my body responds by sweating, other times I've felt heat rolls down my back at night. 

But, this was my whole body for an hour/two hours on end. 

I was also sensitive to any slight noise- anytime someone opened their own bedroom door, it would make my nerves tingle. 

Even though I was sensitive to this, I didn't even hear my alarm, I laid in bed right through it and didn't hear it at all. It's not super-loud, but I've never not heard my alarm before. How could I miss it but be so sensitive to other sounds?

Also, I got out of bed and I have pressure on my right temple, also my whole body feels heavy- like lead. I walked around for a bit and it subsided. 

@Altostrata do I have hypomania? I've been energized this whole week, then had reasonable insomnia. I didn't limit my screen time before bed, but the body heat I've been getting from sleeping has been increasing since last night, never had this before. Haven't had this bad of insomnia yet.  I don't have racing thoughts as far as I can tell. 

[Altostrata]

Keep your bedroom as cool as possible. You may experience fluctuations and changes in withdrawal symptoms as you go through The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

[Armorall]

Ok thanks. I had a "normal" (meaning toss n turn) night of sleep last night without any of that other stuff. took .3 melatonin to help me out. I'll try not to panic every time there is a variation.

 

@Altostrata I have a new question. I've noticed that a lot of the short-timer users obviously go off the medication because they get an adverse reaction. It seems to take a while to stabilize the more extreme the reaction is. 

With me, I was having an adverse reaction to Wellbutrin (insomnia), but it was being masked by the risperidone. So, I was taking a drug for almost 5 months that actually was causing an adverse reaction in me, I just didn't have it because of the risperidone. Doesn't that make the Wellbutrin even more damaging to me than if I had just taken it alone, noticed the adverse reaction, then came off of it right away? Like 5 months of a drug that affects you adversely is probably a really long time to be taking a drug that affects you adversely, right?

Most people pull off right away, but I didn't know it was happening.

I guess my question is- can I even heal from a drug that caused an adverse reaction when I had been taking it for such a long time (a long time in the world of adverse reactions)?
It seems like I'd be screwed. 

[Altostrata]

Your question is unanswerable. It will take some time for your nervous system to settle down from drug upsets.

[Superwoman]

14 hours ago, Armorall said:

Ok thanks. I had a "normal" (meaning toss n turn) night of sleep last night without any of that other stuff. took .3 melatonin to help me out. I'll try not to panic every time there is a variation.

 

@Altostrata I have a new question. I've noticed that a lot of the short-timer users obviously go off the medication because they get an adverse reaction. It seems to take a while to stabilize the more extreme the reaction is. 

With me, I was having an adverse reaction to Wellbutrin (insomnia), but it was being masked by the risperidone. So, I was taking a drug for almost 5 months that actually was causing an adverse reaction in me, I just didn't have it because of the risperidone. Doesn't that make the Wellbutrin even more damaging to me than if I had just taken it alone, noticed the adverse reaction, then came off of it right away? Like 5 months of a drug that affects you adversely is probably a really long time to be taking a drug that affects you adversely, right?

Most people pull off right away, but I didn't know it was happening.

I guess my question is- can I even heal from a drug that caused an adverse reaction when I had been taking it for such a long time (a long time in the world of adverse reactions)?
It seems like I'd be screwed. 

I don’t think you are doomed.  I developed bad insomnia when my dose of Effexor was increased.  It just so happened that I was prescribed Gabapentin and Elavil shortly after.  These drugs partially masked the insomnia.  I was on the high dose of Effexor for at least a year, if not more.  As soon as I reduced the Effexor I started sleeping better, even though I had other withdrawal symptoms.  I only have very mild insomnia now.  It is manageable with Epsom Salt baths, lavender essential oil, the Touchpoints and sometimes California Poppy.  I realize that I am lucky that the insomnia improved.  I have been on Effexor for 18 years. 

[Armorall]

Thanks for your example and reassurance, Superwoman. I'm lucky to have you visiting as often as you do. I hope you have a good weekend!

[Superwoman]

Your welcome.  I hope you have a good weekend too.  We are planning on sledding tomorrow.  There is snow here. 

[coldturkmama]

Sorry I missed your tag a while back regarding UTI/fake uti’s but I thought I’d chime in now to say that I used to get fake ones allllll the time in WD! I would have burning and frequent urination but it would end in a few days and go back to normal, not once did I need antibiotics. 

[Superwoman]

17 hours ago, Armorall said:

Thanks for your example and reassurance, Superwoman. I'm lucky to have you visiting as often as you do. I hope you have a good weekend!

 I was feeling better today and we went sledding with my husband and dog.  I can’t believe that my dog loved it!   We thought he would be scared and probably pee on us because he is kind of timid.  We put him on the sled with us and he actually enjoyed it.lol  He kept barking when my husband went without him because he wanted to go haha.  Must be in his genes.  Pomeranians were originally big sled dogs.  That must be why he likes the cold and snow too.  Anyway I thought I would share. 

[Armorall]

That's nice Superwoman. My husband dragged me out of bed and we took my boy to the largest conservatory in the nation (in Chicago). I took him there a lot when I was healthy, but now my son can actually comment and  interact with the scenery. He loves the turtles and fish and waterfalls. It used to be such a soothing environment for me to be in a sub tropic climate inside.  It's nice to see but also makes me sad that he started to really interact with his world right when I entered WD. Had he been like this a year ago, I probably wouldn't have been able to have such a big breakdown- my son would have given me a reality check. 

Anyway, that's enough negativity. I'm glad you had a good day, I didn't know that about Pomeranians.

[Armorall]

That's nice Superwoman. My husband dragged me out of bed and we took my boy to the largest conservatory in the nation (in Chicago). I took him there a lot when I was healthy, but now my son can actually comment and  interact with the scenery. He loves the turtles and fish and waterfalls. It used to be such a soothing environment for me to be in a sub tropic climate inside.  It's nice to see but also makes me sad that he started to really interact with his world right when I entered WD. Had he been like this a year ago, I probably wouldn't have been able to have such a big breakdown- my son would have given me a reality check. 

Anyway, that's enough negativity. I'm glad you had a good day, I didn't know that about Pomeranians.

[Armorall]

Thanks @coldturkmama knock on wood, I haven't had any reoccurring events on the urinary side. 

Did you see my question on your success story thread about anxiety from a month ago?

I was asking if you thought that your anxiety was still from WD or if it was an original symptom. 

 

[coldturkmama]

17 hours ago, Armorall said:

Thanks @coldturkmama knock on wood, I haven't had any reoccurring events on the urinary side. 

Did you see my question on your success story thread about anxiety from a month ago?

I was asking if you thought that your anxiety was still from WD or if it was an original symptom. 

 

 

No, sorry I hadn’t seen the question.  I think some of it (when it’s badddd) might be a little bit leftovers from WD, maybeeee but mainly I think it was my own issue. Since practicing acceptance and the claire Weekes methods I’m doing sooo much better. 

[Armorall]

Oh ok thanks!

[Armorall]

Progress updates. 

For the past two weeks at work (when I am at work, I have missed three days in two weeks), I more or less have symptom-less days. My sleep has been on and off "good". Last night I was able to fall asleep right when my head hit the pillow even though I had napped on and off through the entire day before, so I took that as a good sign. I've had other nights where if I sleep relatively still, that part is great, but I wake up one or two hours earlier than the alarm and don't really go back to sleep, just lay there with my eyes closed until the alarm. 

I've never had a sleepless night in those past two weeks, though, and have managed at least six hours or sleep with or without melatonin. So, I feel like things are on the upswing for these past two weeks- no long depression days, no overwhelming fatigue, have the full energy to teach at work. I feel like I am getting better. 

Also, I'm having a regular period this month- no brown mucus and no spotting, just a constant flow, so that's good. I don't feel cramps or any kind of moodiness which (knock on wood) has been the case during withdrawal, so I am thankful.  I hope my baseline continues to improve!

[Superwoman]

Great news Armorall!

[Armorall]

Thank you @Superwoman I should add that I still have the usual cortisol mornings- sweating when the alarm goes off (or before then) then negative thoughts and probably anxiety (but not alert enough to tell). I can also eat desserts now as far as I can tell. 

[Armorall]

One thing that I have struggled with since November is a deep apathy. I don't write about it much because it's something that's more in the background. I've read other people's reports on their apathy, I've seen some people label it as depression/anhedonia. I don't think it is the latter for me, but I hope I'm not in denial. See, when I talk to people about the past, the shows, the dancing, the political movements, my eyes light up and I am energized. I am also energized by my son if I'm in a window. The sad part is that I can't seem to interact with any media. In the case of movies, it is that my anxiety, even when I am feeling symptom-less, seems too much for me to interact with a story and not get freaked out, no matter how bland the subject matter is. I really am only capable of watching toddler-grade TV at this point.

In terms of books and music, I don't interact with it because it reminds me of a life that I have lost. I am going to start working with a therapist on this, but if I could unhinge this part and live life free of regret, I can probably deal with reading and music again. 

I still laugh at things, though I stay off facebook because I am jealous of everyone else's life. So, there's not much for me to do in free time but stare at a wall, mostly because it's either anxiety or regret that keeps me from those things, and I feel that that feeds into an overall apathy. I definitely don't feel that "life-fire"  that people used to characterize me with most of the time. When I talked to my therapists about my situation and my past, they are actually surprised because I am extremely fire-y and passionate when I talk to them. So, it is somewhere. I can't sustain it with the lethargy and apathy , though. As a teacher, I struggle to have it daily. 

Right now I am working on writing memoirs for my son, so that if I do lose my memory (it continues to be like a hawk right now and I am grateful) he can read about who I was and the tremendous artistic and political force I was. That is also enjoyable to me (right now).  I hope I can continue to write. 

[Armorall]

@Shep do you think that drinking coffee would inhibit my healing? I was so tired of feeling apathetic that I drank an entire cup today. I feel so good and so much better at my job. If I can sleep on it, I may continue to drink it. I know people avoid caffeine, but I thought it was because it pushed their anxiety. It hasn't done that for me. 

Or if I can't sleep tonight, I may try to drink a half cup early in the morning and see if I can get away with that. Or drink decaf, or half and half. 

What do you think?

[mustafa]

On 2/17/2020 at 7:45 AM, Armorall said:

probably deal with reading and music again. 

I still laugh at things

Hi armorall, 

Do u laugh at things without meaning this and with no ability to stop yourself !?, That was a concentrating symptom for me and like u say, I wasn't able to respond nor interact at all, this is a part of depersonalization.

When I was in my worst case and I expected that I should cry, I wasnt crying, I was laughing!!, It is really very bothering and I think crying is better than laughing as the two symptomts are caused by stress.

It will all get better; I think iam much better than the first concerning laughing from stress.

I don't know about coffee for u, but it worsens my symptomts too much, if it isn't too bad for u, I think I would drink it.

Happy Friday, dear ❤️

[Armorall]

@mustafa no, I laugh at things that are normal- jokes online, clowns, the usual, it wasn't nonsensical laughter.  I don't have depersonalization. 

My lack of interaction with media has more to do with regret/depression than disengagement. 

Yes, the coffee kept me up as I suspected. I'm going to try doing a half cup and see what happens. Feeling myself and efficient at work was so lovely.

Take care  Mustafa!

[Armorall]

Any mods can you answer this?

I had crazy hypnic jerks last night, like would wake me up and I was like "do I have akathasia now?" It's weird because I never fully awoke, just kept dreaming but would feel the jerks.

Anyway, I think I cut more than .3 melatonin last night. Also, that morning I took melatonin. I didn't have to wake up until 9:45am and my son woke me up around 7:45am, I was annoyed, so I took .3 melatonin so I could get back to sleep.

Could I be having such violent hypnic jerks because I took too much melatonin in one day? 

[Armorall]

Seems like I can't work out at all now without it disturbing my sleep. I did some light zumba one night. Another night I did the elliptical, but not to the point of sweating. Do I keep going and eventually my body will get used to it? How am I supposed to have cardio health if I can't workout without repercussions? 

 

Stay tuned: this month is the year anniversary of my hospitalization. I'm writing reviews on two psychologists, two hospitals and two psychiatrists that aided in screwing me up into WD. I will post links to the work afterwards. 

[Armorall]

I worked out last night and it didn't set me back too far. Fell asleep around 12:30am (too activated from working out) woke up at 4:30am, but could fall back asleep until 7am.

 

One thing I did notice, however, is that my ponytail is very thin and I can see my scalp now in places. My husband says I'm imagining it. Then I went to school and one of my students said I have a bald spot. This is terrible. I was looking forward to looking younger for my age because I'm brown, but that is not going to happen anymore. I'm only 44, my hair shouldn't be this sparse.

I assume it's from the cortisol. Does anyone else have this? Did they do anything to reverse it? One thing I can do is not stay in bed until 4pm on days that I call in. Then there would be less cortisol build up (if that is indeed the culprit, which I think it is). 

[Armorall]

Stiff muscles aren't going away anymore, and then there's my hair. I am just going to keep getting worse, I think. The unpredictability of a CT is also there. It is warming up here and I will suffer even more stuff that I can't do with my son that I planned to. He's finally at the age (2.9 months) where he can learn, comment, have a memory. I was supposed to teach him soccer now. It hurts. 

[Armorall]

Well, things had been going really well. I learned to not oversleep and it kept a lot of my symptoms at bay. Been having normal, functional days with good emotions, just having to manage myself once the fatigue sets in- doesn't last for more than 45 minutes at a time. If I stay awake and don't give in to it, it passes and I move on.  I realized it was the rumination that was destroying me. Once I focused on getting things done and serving my family, I could do so much again- watch movies, do chores, do my work. Not the old me, but at least one that is present for everyone else and makes me feel like I have a life again. 

 

Last night, though, I had the worst interrupted sleep. I woke up after three hours feeling like I was rocking on a boat through my sleep. I realized it was because muscles in my head and legs kept twitching. I took some melatonin hoping this would help. It did for a while, but then I woke up again with the feeling. I kept drifting in and out of sleep because of the constant muscle twitching. I'm wondering if the cause (hopefully it doesn't stay, it only kicks in once I start dozing off, it doesn't happen when I am fully awake)

1. I had sugary food through the day (which is not unusual for me, but it was definitely spread out- a smoothie with very sweet yogurt, then at the end of the day, a cream cheese and raspberry jelly sandwich- again, I've eaten these things on their own and gotten no reaction (only to more sugary foods like donuts) but maybe having them through the day was too much

2. I've had a cold for the last few days, but yesterday is when I started sneezing a lot. 

@Altostrata Could my CNS be taxed/sensitive to the sneezing since it is such an intense and sudden act? So I'm getting twitching as aftershocks from the sneezing or sugar? God, I hope this symptom doesn't stay. and Here I thought that my CNS was getting more hardy- I've been able to orgasm, eat some sugar, drink decaf, sleep pretty quietly through the night, and exercise and have had no heat disregulation or anything when I sleep for the past month. In the past, I've had some reaction to those things, but I haven't had much. 

[Altostrata]

Thanks for the good news, Armorall.

 

Are you getting enough exercise, stretching your legs? They may twitch, particularly at night, when they don't get enough exercise. You can also rub them with magnesium oil.

 

The bad night sounds like a wave or maybe something related to your cold. All in all, it sounds like you're recovering.

[Armorall]

Oh, thank you for the vote of confidence. Yes, I've been lagging in exercise, I will try to get back on track, also try the magnesium oil if that doesn't work. 

Thank you @Altostrata!

[mustafa]

Hi armorall,

Good news you are getting well.

The rest of your symptomts will get better by time and you will be your old one ..

Long time since I wrote to u but iam always thinking of u.

Good day for u .

[Armorall]

@mustafa thanks Mustafa! I appreciate the optimism. Love and good healing to you!

[Armorall]

Irritated. I started  taking Zyrtec (I had to start taking a daily allergen two years ago when I got vertigo for the first time ever) today, I cut one in half to start with. I stopped taking it in the winter months. I noticed the past few days I started having post-nasal drip and my throat was getting irritated. In the past, Zyrtec had no side effects for me. I took it today and am slightly more lethargic, the worst part is when i put my son down for a nap (which I've had no problems with, I could nap now in the day and still sleep at night) I would get anxiety rushes and body heat disregulation while napping. I hope the Zyrtec doesn't affect my night sleep!

 

So, I'm going to dust my bedroom, take out the rug that probably has a ton of allergens in it and maybe just take 1/8 of a Zyrtec every other day and see if that's enough. 

I can't believe, (but really I can believe because of my CNS) how sensitive I am to it now. 

@Altostrata are there any other tips on managing allergy medication/allergies with a sensitive CNS? I  looked up Zyrtec and allergies on SA, but not finding a whole lot of other information. I hate that I have to deal with the lethargy after doing fairly well. 

[Altostrata]

Very sorry, we don't offer counseling about allergies or general medicine here. Please look in the Symptoms and Self-Care forum for discussions about how people are coping with allergies.

[Armorall]

@Altostrata Ok thanks. 

Well, I vacuumed the crap out of our bedroom and lo and behold, I think that did it! I just need to stay on a cleaning schedule and my allergies aren't so bad (don't feel constant post-nasal drip). I'm also trying to neti-pot before bed, when I wake up and mid-day. Hopefully i can just stay away from the drugs then. 

[Armorall]

@Altostrata does anyone ever actually recover from fatigue if they have it as a symptom? It seems like even those that post success stories still have fatigue. 

It is my worst symptom now.

I tried to exercise and thought I could do more, actually sweat from exercise, but my body retaliated and I became very fatigued instead of energized like it normally makes me before the drugs. 

[Altostrata]

These questions that start with "does anyone ever......" always frustrate me. What do you think?