☼ Armorall: CT from bupropion and risperidone

[Happy2Heal]

23 hours ago, Armorall said:

does anyone ever actually recover from fatigue if they have it as a symptom? It seems like even those that post success stories still have fatigue. 

 

I've fully recovered and have posted a success story and I dont' still have fatigue.

I don't actually recall seeing that mentioned in success stories

 

allergies can cause all sorts of odd symptoms including fatigue AND most antihistamines also can cause fatigue or sleepiness.

 

allergies suck! I hope yours responds to treatment.

 

I was very sensitive to exercise when I was recovering- If I did too much or too late in the day, it would make it harder to sleep

I learned to do anything aerobic before noon! 

a nice 30 min walk was always very helpful, even when I was super tired from insomnia

 

glad to see that overall you're doing better!! 

 

you're getting there!!

probably wont' be too much longer before you write your own success story!

 

 

[Armorall]

@Happy2Heal thanks so much for your encouraging reply! 

On 4/11/2020 at 9:01 PM, Happy2Heal said:

I've fully recovered and have posted a success story and I dont' still have fatigue.

I don't actually recall seeing that mentioned in success stories

 

I'm glad you hear that you lost the fatigue part. I hope upon hope that that happens for me, I based my entire life around the seamless energy I had (teaching, dancing, activism, band). I know it sucks for everyone,  but I wish i had a more introverted job..teachers "make the weather" as they say in the classroom. Yes, it is in a few success stories...it's not in the actual success story, but if you start to read the person's responses to members' questions, you start to see what challenges they still have. I read a few (not many, Judith and Pennylane off the top of my head) where they say they still struggle with fatigue. 

 

On 4/11/2020 at 9:01 PM, Happy2Heal said:

allergies can cause all sorts of odd symptoms including fatigue AND most antihistamines also can cause fatigue or sleepiness.

 

allergies suck! I hope yours responds to treatment.

Yes, my fatigue started before my allergies kicked in this March, so I don't think they're related. I have been doing well with neti-potting and not having much allergy symptoms. I feel so lucky and happy about this. I was really bummed to think that I had to choose between feeling like crap because of allergies or feeling like crap because I had to take something to avoid feeling like crap from allergies. Fingers crossed that the neti pot continues to get me through this. 

 

On 4/11/2020 at 9:01 PM, Happy2Heal said:

I was very sensitive to exercise when I was recovering- If I did too much or too late in the day, it would make it harder to sleep

I learned to do anything aerobic before noon! 

a nice 30 min walk was always very helpful, even when I was super tired from insomnia

 Yes, I'm sadly going to have to dial back on the soccer. Intense exercise stopped keeping me awake at night, what it is doing now is retaliating with depression for the rest of the evening and/or intense fatigue.  I regularly went out dancing (or danced at home with my own disco balls) and played soccer, it's sad to not be able to relish music and things through my body, but I do hope I'm healing and can return to those things again. I will probably do what you do- walk, or these days, lightly use the elliptical for 30 minutes. 

 

On 4/11/2020 at 9:01 PM, Happy2Heal said:

glad to see that overall you're doing better!! 

 

you're getting there!!

probably wont' be too much longer before you write your own success story!

 

Thank you for the encouragement! I cried when I read this. I'm at month 8 and I'm not sure that I am getting better, but if people see that on the outside, I'll take it!!! My motive again is to focus on work, my son and husband and whenever I heal, I'll be here!

Thank you H2H for dropping by, I hope you are staying safe, healthy and happy!

[Armorall]

Well, my muscle stiffness came in in a big way. I wonder if it was delayed from having "rigorous" ie running around a very small yard with a soccer ball, enough to break a sweat, soccer time for about a half an hour. 

I did that twice in one week and then just paced back and forth in the backyard other days. 

A week later, I was hit with muscle cramps in my lower back and upper thighs, they were pronounced enough that they kept me from sleeping. I took magnesium and it would eventually kick in and I would fall asleep.

I've had these muscle cramps for a week, they felt like they were lightening up on Tuesday or Wednesday. I took my son out for a half hour walk today, but I was also pushing him in a little plastic car, which I would have to keep picking up by the handle and reposition to keep pushing it down the block (the steering is pretty awful..there really isn't one), now I can feel it again. Muscle cramping/stiffness, big reactions to exercise are a relatively new symptom for me. My husband insists that I can build up my endurance and then it won't be so. I tell him that the laws of regular physiology don't really apply in Withdrawal, but he refuses to believe that the brain/nervous system would affect the properties muscular function. 

Regardless, I'm of course frustrated by this new symptom as it is still here. One of my greatest joys was dancing/physical activity and the endorphin payoff and it seems I won't be able to get much of that. Being cooped up and needing to watch my son really lends itself to physical activity. 

I do take magnesium and have the means to do magnesium baths, I'm just lamenting about yet another thing that is limiting me. I don't see that I am getting better, I'm rather trading off emotional symptoms for physical ones. I'm only at 8 months though. 

[Armorall]

 Well felt pretty normal all day today, once again my WD symptoms are usually related to sleep. For the past few months, if I turned over in my sleep, it would jack my heart palpitations, it’s like the CNS couldn’t handle that big of a movement. Now, for the past two nights, not only do I get the heart palps, but my tinnitus goes screeching along with it. Disturbing, takes a bit to go back to normal. I hope that goes away, but the palps haven’t. It really seems like my CNS is just becoming more delicate over time instead of hearty.

 

I'm worried because it doesn't seem like I'm getting better or that my symptoms are changing, it just seems like I'm getting more symptoms and my CNS is slowly starting to be able to take less and less of a beating. But, I know people can't predict these things. If anyone out there is doing better, but for a time, was progressively getting worse before they started swinging up, please give me a holler. I think I saw a success story where the person did  worse for two years, then got better after that. 

 

Edited May 17, 2020 by ChessieCat
unbolded font

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, Armorall said:

For the past few months

 

It might possibly be related to the covid-19 situation.

[Armorall]

@ChessieCat I would hope so, but the problem is, I'm actually way less stressed now that Covid is on. I don't have to do any classroom management when I teach online, I do it at night and not during the day when I have more symptoms, I take a nap in the middle of the day when my toddler son goes down, no pressure to take my kid and husband out to activities in the evening or on the weekends. Don't have to force myself to have social skills when I feel off.  I can do this lifestyle all day in WD! 

[Armorall]

Just saw that Rupa healed completely, her friend said that she herself probably won't because she is a CT. Huh, that's been the trend, hasn't it? I don't think I've seen a single CT success story where they still didn't have stuff afterwards ( crappy sleep, fatigue, anxiety, nerve pain, gut isdues). We will never heal all the way, or it will be like in 14 years or something. If anyone has seen anything different, I'd love to hear it. I was so close to not taking drugs as an anti-capitalist. Im going back into therapy to lament how the decisions of others led me to it during a vulnerable time. If only I had listened to myself. My better judgement, instead of those that had no critical theory/anti-capitalist background. If people want to know how to navigate this world, they only need to know that most structures are set up to exploit people. That should help in figuring out what's best. But, if you're on here, you've already found that out.

[Armorall]

Well, I have a new symptom- I'm having cognitive issues. I get through three words in a sentence and then have to stop to think about what the next few words are. My immediate word recall (mostly nouns) is taxed. I'd be telling my son to pickup his firetruck and feel like I'm struggling to remember the word for firetruck.  Or I was talking to my husband about how people were breathing on petri dishes and I'd say "bleeding" instead of "breathing", like I'm having trouble making my mouth form the correct sounds. I have to keep pausing (which is barely noticeable on the outside, but I can tell and I can feel the mental labor it takes me to complete the sentence) or I have to keep correcting the word I spat out. 

One thing that has changed in my routine over the last two months (or more) is that I always take a nap with my son in the middle of the day. It's 2-3 hours in length approximately. I usually wake up feeling refreshed and don't think that it stresses me, but after I've been awake for about 2 hours, then I feel a cortisol rush that I am guessing is from napping- that my body is fully awake and now jarred by life. My CNS has definitely become more sensitized (not the other way) the further into withdrawal I've gone. I have heart palpitations much more often through the day these days. I'm wondering if the regular cortisol I get from it has shrunken my hippocampus. I was doing research online on the effects of constant cortisol release and it said that in people with Cushing's disease (a disease where one receives way too much cortisol consistently), their brain did shrink, but went back to normal once the Cushing's resolved. I also saw that people under constant stress can struggle with word choice.

Through all the symptoms, this is the most alarming to me. I don't want to lose myself, my ability to be quickwitted, etc. How can I be a teacher if I stumble over myself constantly? 

I also wake up and have been slowly tapering in my elliptical exercise (I started at 4 minutes over a month ago, I'm not at 10 minutes). This helps me get up in the morning. I might have to start doing it after I put my son down as I'm so conditioned towards that nap that it's hard to stay awake (like right now). Does it seem like I am going in the right direction with limiting naps to lessen cortisol? Any other thoughts on ways to improve my language? I've tried to talk to my son more throughout the day to keep me spry instead of letting him silently play while I read FB articles on my phone. 

@Altostrata

[Altostrata]

You can sleep in the afternoon? This does not sound like it's connected with withdrawal syndrome.

 

What do you mean by palpitations?

 

I would not overthink cortisol. If you think you have Cushing's or a thyroid problem, see an endocrinologist.

[Armorall]

Alto said: You can sleep in the afternoon? This does not sound like it's connected with withdrawal syndrome.

I can sleep, but after an hour or so, I get the same cortisol rush that I used to get immediately following a nap. I'm trying to avoid the nap now in hopes that I don't produce as much cortisol daily.

 

Alto said: I would not overthink cortisol. If you think you have Cushing's or a thyroid problem, see an endocrinologist.

I don't think I have Cushings or anything, I was looking online at effects of constant cortisol and brain damage. The examples they provided were people with Cushing's, who produce cortisol constantly because of their condition. I was noting that they're hippocampus shrinks because of it. Also other studies show that constant cortisol leads to impaired brain function like trouble with word choice (which is what I have in expressive language).

My main question is- do you think I could mitigate my new symptom of problems with expressive language (a cognitive problem) if I took steps to lessen my cortisol production (which I believe I get more of if I take a nap)? Are there things/exercises people have done to mitigate cognitive dysfunction? 

 

What do you mean by palpitations?

My heart will beat strongly or much faster (racing), or both at times. Sometimes it feels like it will "flex" strangely during a beat (this happens less often). I get them a lot when I lay down to nap or sleep, or right after a meal,  or from a minimal change (turning over in my sleep, walking up a few stairs, picking up an inflatable object) or sometimes for no reason at all.  

 

Thanks @Altostrata for your time! 

 

 

[Happy2Heal]

2 hours ago, Armorall said:

My heart will beat strongly or much faster (racing), or both at times. Sometimes it feels like it will "flex" strangely during a beat (this happens less often). I get them a lot when I lay down to nap or sleep, or right after a meal,  or from a minimal change (turning over in my sleep, walking up a few stairs, picking up an inflatable object) or sometimes for no reason at all.  

not Alto but I've got experience with this: palpitations are very common and not necessarily related to WD (probably not, in fact)

they are usually caused by premature beats, PVCs or  PACs  they are called. Extremely common

There's also afib, the most common irregular heartbeat. It can come and go or be constant (persistent afib is more common in older ppl) 

I have the intermittent type.

Some triggers include eating (usually over eating and/or indulging in alcohol, etc one term for afib episodes is "holiday heart" because an episode is more common during times when we over-indudge)

also turning over can cause an episode, as can drinking or eating something cold. There are many triggers or you  can have an episode out of the blue. Yeh, it's fun like that LOL

Afib is diagnosed by an EKG and/or a holter monitor. It doesn't always need to be treated.  It's very individual.

 

 

About the cortisol spikes, do you have a trauma history?  Just wondering because I do and I can have what feels like a cortisol spike at odd hours of the day. Or if I've had caffeine. 

Also under stress I have trouble finding words, I think everyone does when they are rushed, stressed, scattered, have a lot of their minds etc. I wouldn't say that's a WD symptom myself.

 

sleeping mid day is AWESOME!!  I'd trust your body to know what it needs as far as sleep goes and as long as it's not messing up your sleep schedule at night, I'd keep the naps.

WD does take a lot out of us and to me, it seems like a good idea to rest when we can and our body is craving it.

 

just my opinion 

 

[Altostrata]

Please see your GP to check out the palpitations and a possible referral to a cardiologist.

 

Please do what you can NOT to report symptoms that are probably not related to withdrawal as withdrawal symptoms. We don't offer general medicine here.

[Armorall]

@Happy2Heal I'm pretty sure most of my symptoms are withdrawal related. I have no trauma history (other than given these drugs then going through withdrawal).

 

Just to give you background on how much my makeup has changed - I've been a performer/musician now for 20 years and I've been an inner-city special education teacher, activist and corporate sales person during that time. I'm used to working under pressure, crisis intervention situations, in front of large crowds, etc etc. believe me, it takes a lot to get me frazzled. So, spending my days now quietly with an amazingly serene toddler in the sun doesn't really warrant "nervous thinking under pressure". My cognitive ability is challenged, constantly and for no good reason. It's really disappointing to have always been a verbose human being (you can tell by my professions, I'm a strong public speaker) and now I'm constantly messing up my wording and feeling the struggle in my brain like someone out of breath trying to catch it, but just with words instead of breath. 

 

-I've read enough accounts (both success stories and introductions) where people report heart palpitations as WD symptoms- just go ahead and do a search. It makes sense with an over-sensitive nervous system because your body is hyper-reacting to relatively small things (whether or not I think it's alarming). I never ever had these before month 8 of withdrawal, but people report it all the time as a result of their withdrawal (drop in med, new symptom, etc etc), so I'm not sure why I'm being dismissed as it not being a WD symptom. I talked to one person who is already a success story, and he said it took him about 18 months before the heart palps stopped. Now they only happen if he is severely vexed. And no, I think it's ridiculous that I could be sound asleep, turn over and suddenly have a pounding heart (usually accompanied by profuse sweating). To me, that's clearly a sign of a sensitive nervous system, in normal people, turning over in your sleep does nothing, you're asleep so you don't even notice it. And of course the palps are in relation to other things particularly when falling asleep in bed- super high noise sensitivity, sweating from just hearing the alarm go off, etc etc. I've read so many accounts of people having it in WD, that when it came to me, I was like "oh, ok I've got this one now". 

 

There are also lots of accounts of people having "toxic naps" where they can nap but they are ridden with cortisol afterwards. Also a common WD symptom. It sounds like it's a light version of the people that can't nap at all because they will jolt awake. I love napping with my son, but I don't enjoy the cortisol spikes I get afterwards. When I skip the nap, I feel better throughout the day because I didn't freak out my system with a nap. Remember that people in withdrawal often have to keep strict waking schedules (and not nap) or else their body freaks out.  I haven't been able to drink caffeine at all in withdrawal because even a quarter cup will keep me awake at night. 

 

Anyways, I was looking for advice on how to lessen cortisol production and possibly find out if there are things to do to strengthen cognitive ability now that it is being taxed. It's a little disappointing when it's being pushed off as something else when the difference is clear to the victim what is happening in their bodies. We are generally already denied that our symptoms are "real" by psychiatrists, and here it used to be validated. If there's no information, then there's no information. Sorry to waste everyone's time. At the end of the day, I'm hoping to hear "it's another symptom and it will pass. Your nervous system has to settle down, but there's no other guidance" since there isn't any. 
If I continue for months with the palps, I will get it checked out when I do my physical. Sorry to waste everyone's time. It looks like SA is rife with a lot of new folks, so sorry to be a burden. 

I know people tapering have real, tangible questions. I just feel disappointed in new symptoms, especially when cognitive (and I never had mental struggles yet, just emotional and physical symptoms). 

thanks.

 

Below is posted by Alto to another member as recently as Thursday. Palpitations were acknowledged as WD symptoms. Again, I realize that there's no advice to give me because I'm not tapering, but palps are acknowledged as a WD symptom:

 

"As I read your record of recent dosing, I see you've taken the opportunity to sometime decrease your daily dosage and then increase it again.

 

This is the kind of irregular dosing we tell people to avoid. It causes withdrawal symptoms such as palpitations and blood pressure changes.

 

What is your current drug schedule and how long have you been on that drug schedule?"

[Happy2Heal]

1 hour ago, Armorall said:

And no, I think it's ridiculous that I could be sound asleep, turn over and suddenly have a pounding heart (usually accompanied by profuse sweating).

Let me just address this first, as you need to understand that the suggestion to see a dr and get this diagnosed is not pushing anything off, it's to your benefit to find out if you have afib or any other heart related condition. 

I have afib and it's no laughing matter believe me. 

I'm very sorry that you think it's ridiculous to have your heart start pounding from rolling over, but that is EXACTLY what caused my last afib attack. It does sound unbelievable but it's actually a common trigger, I found out the hard way.

My last episode was bad one. The cardiologist immediately asked me what was happening when it started, and I said "nothing, I was asleep and rolled over." He said, that's what did it.   Look it up if you don't believe me, turning over can cause an afib episode, bending down can cause it, drinking an ice cold drink can cause it, etc etc.

You need to rule out an actual treatable medical condition before you put this down to WD

I am sorry, I hadn't noticed that you are not yet a year out from discontinuing all meds, is that right? sadly you will probably have symptoms wax and wane in the usual windows and waves pattern for some time.

I'm sorry if you felt that I was trying to trivialize your symptoms, that was not my intention.

 

at some point in recovery, however, most of us reach a point where we realize that it doesn't matter if it's WD or stress or normal life or the phases of the moon, or whatever, LOL what matters is how you respond to it. what you do about it.

 

actually I kinda take that back a bit, I preferred to believe that my troubles were WD related a lot of the time, for two main reasons: #1 it meant I just had to accept them which also meant that I was not "at fault" and could relax and just wait for them to pass. This seemed to help the symptom pass sooner, since I wasn't working so hard to "fix" things and getting myself all worked up.

This is just me, I am NOT saying that you are getting yourself worked up, just to be clear.

 

and #2 I knew that if the troubles were symptoms, they were going to end!! yay!! its' not permanent, what a relief!!

 

it must be very frustrating for you to have been so accomplished and such an unflappable person to having the symptoms of WD recovery but they will NOT last. they will end.

 

I'm glad you've got no trauma history!! that makes things so much less complicated. I can never be sure if my issues are trauma related, recovery related or just normal every day life crap LOL  Trauma leaves a fairly permanent mark on your nervous system so I know it's something I will struggle with for all my days. I wish it was as temporary as WD recovery is, but that said, WD was the most traumatic thing I've ever been thru. Or maybe it just seemed that way because of my past traumas, I don't know LOL I dont even care now, I just want to live my life to the fullest now that its over

 

 

i read some of your earlier posts- I've read hundreds of threads and been in real life support groups for ppl in WD recovery and it is not true that CT's never recover or take longer. In fact, I know of many CTs that had a shorter recovery time that was nonetheless very intense.

It's different for everyone but the vast majority of folks recover. There may be some minor tweaks that your brain does over the years to come but the bulk of recovery back to a fairly normal and quite joyful life happens in a short few years (even less for some lucky ones)

 

I can't answer your cortisol question, I have no idea how to deal with that. In my experience the whole thing pretty much works itself out in time. Will life ever be perfect or back to the way you think it once was? (chances are your memories are rosier than the reality of how your past was before all this started with WD) Probably not. Life is never easy, there will always be some challenge to overcome and some other things to just accept and live thru.

but you WILL recover from WD and you will be more of "yourself" again but never exactly as you were, because time has passed, you have grown, things have changed... you can't go back, you can  only go forward.

 

but you will like your life again. it is coming.

the most helpful bit of advice I got in WD was to look for the good things, to focus on those things because when you do, they grow.

 

it is so easy to find the problems, so so easy. but I like a challenge, and good things are always present, if you just look for them

 

a daily gratitude list can be very helpful.

 

 

it's great that your life is relatively stress free right now, a calm toddler, wow! your cognitive abilities will return. You're able to write quite clearly so they aren't all that bad, I understand it's frustrating when you can't find the right word but it's a minor thing and it literally happens to  everyone, whether they are in WD or not.

 

yes it's probably just WD, but the heart thing, that may not be. and even if it's exacerbated by WD it still needs to be checked out and maybe treated.

I went off lexapro CT a couple of times, one time I made it to 8 mos off. During that time I had an extremely high heart rate, I was put on a beta blocker but it didnt' do any good. I  have permanent heart damage from that time. In the overall scheme of my health and because I'm lucky enough to have a healthy heart otherwise, this damage will probably never cause me any trouble, beyond maybe contributing to future afib episodes. 

but the suggestion to see a dr for palpitations is NOT dismissing these symptoms, quite the contrary, it's probably a good idea to get those checked out,

if nothing shows up on a random EKG, they'll do a holter monitor for a week or so, perhaps. if your palpitations last more than a few hours, you can go to the ER and they will do an EKG and you'll have your answer immediately.

 

it's up to you. if it's just more or less normal PACs or PVCs you'll be reassured and can just learn to live with them. most folks notice the more they think about them, the more they have. My twin sister has PVCs and is worried she'll go into afib like me, but she was checked out and never did (have any signs of afib) Now she can relax and she realized she rarely has any PVCs any more. 

 

I hope that you start to feel better soon.

[Armorall]

@Happy2Heal unfortunately on the contrary, my life was super rosy. Again, I was an artist huge on the scene, I had finally gotten my chops up to the point that I was really great at being an urban educator (something I really wanted. I'm a social justice person and being able to teach confidently and make a difference effectively was huge) I loved being an activist and having fostered that community, I spent most of my life single and finally found an amazing, supportive, hard-working man who was both political and loved the same music scenes I did, I was socially strong in so many underground music scenes, and later I had a son who has been magically serene and still is even as a 3 year old. I was very financially privileged and had no debt, lived in a nice suburb of a big city.  My parents are also very comfortable. 

What let me to drugs was that I had huge post-partum rage, and I didn't know it. I got a crappy psychologist from a really unfounded school of thought (SmartLove) that did nothing for me quite the opposite.  They come from this stupid school of thought that everyone who is in a bad situation secretly thought they deserved it. So if you tell your client over and over again that they don't deserve what they get, they will eventually snap out of it. yeah, no. I'm a problem solver. Give me something to do. Give me coping skills, tell me I have anxiety and rage and what to do with it. Do a reality check, have me reach out to my friends and tell them what paranoid stupid crap I concocted in my head instead of being afraid that "it will get worse". I had nothing and thought that everyone was pissing me off on purpose. I got worse and worse in thinking that people were conspiring against me. Eventually I was hospitalized and said psychologist advised the drug cocktail. The end. I didn't know that the story I made up in my paranoia wasn't real until I was off all drugs. Then I called my friends one by one and asked, and believed them. I had gotten a good PPO psychologist then who took the time to unpack why I thought what I did. You  know, what should have happened all along before I had a breakdown. I never knew to vet psychologists, unfortunately the only ones I had been to before then I only used for a short period of time to get over a life transition or another, and they just happened to be really good (and one was anti-drug, had his own acupuncture clinic). So I just assumed all psychologists were "good". I got the crappy one when I most needed someone with real skill and CBT training and had no idea. 

 

Anyways, no I am good with your (and Alto's) heart advice. Regardless of whether or not it is withdrawal, my heart should be checked out, thanks for clarifying. It's when I come forward with a whole pile of "this is totally not me" symptoms (and trust me, I listen to my body pretty carefully, in the past, a simple tightening of a facial muscle would land me at the doctor's to get checked out), that I know it's withdrawal. I believe you when you say it just took a turn in bed to trigger it. What I'm saying is, in WD, it also can just take a turn in bed because our CNS is so sensitive that it's ridiculous. And as reported, so many people have palps in WD. 

 

I appreciate your encouragement on my future, I started crying when I read that you know of CTs that have healed and some in shorter (albeit intense) times. I have hope, and my little boy gives that to me, too. Peace and love to you, thanks for taking the time to explain. Thanks for caring and contributing. 

 

 

[Happy2Heal]

there is no reason not to have hope   

things may often feel hopeless but feelings are not facts  thank goodness for that, eh? 

 

I'm glad you're life was so wonderful before all this and I hope it goes back to that. All I meant was that when things are bad, when we feel terrible and nothing seems to help to make us feel better,

the past  may seem much better than it actually was. Or more accurately, that there were never any bad days or moments or difficulties, when of course, there always are.

 

that's all I meant

I apologize I'm not all that great at writing, I am a very emotional person in general and it clouds my thinking.

I envy people who can write as clearly as you do, even while you feel that you are cognitively impaired, imagine just how awesome things will be when you are fully recovered

 

you've got a lot to look forward to, and you are still quite young as well.    

 

I am happy for you that you're getting this done and over with and that you didn't get stuck on these drugs for decades and decades like some of us

 

You're little boy is lucky as well. I have trouble imagining a placid, is that what you called him? toddler. That seems like a foreign concept to me LOL

Toddlers only seemed to have two speeds as far as I recall: full speed ahead and stopped (sleeping) hahahaha

 

enjoy your wee one, they grow up all too fast!!! ❤️

 

[Armorall]

@Happy2Heal you're great at writing. Please don't apologize. I'm just clarifying my background, probably just to give a fuller picture even if it doesn't matter. It's sad, it's frustrating, but I can't complain too much, I know there's much worse. 

I appreciate your encouragement again, thank you. Going to put toddler boy to bed. Have a good night! ❤️

[Altostrata]

If you can take naps in the afternoon, even if you have some kind of surge after, you're recovering. Most likely, if it's withdrawal-related, it will go away. It's not a sign that your withdrawal syndrome is getting worse.

 

If, on the other hand, you are getting palpitations from a real (but mild) cardio condition, you should see a doctor. I can't determine which you have.

 

Before you tag me, please look in the Symptoms and Self-Care forum first for what people do for symptoms while they are recovering.

[Armorall]

@Happy2Heal question- if the beta-blocker didn't work for you, what kind of treatment did they administer that helped you with your afib? 

[Happy2Heal]

7 hours ago, Armorall said:

@Happy2Heal question- if the beta-blocker didn't work for you, what kind of treatment did they administer that helped you with your afib? 

 

I wasn't given the beta blocker for afib, 

 

I was given the beta blocker because when I went off lexapro for about 7 mos or so, I had severe anxiety, insomnia and a very  high heart rate ( I had no idea I was going thru WD at the time)

They put me on the beta blocker to try to slow my heart down but it had little effect at all. I was not in afib at all during this time.

 

I generally don't get treated for the afib, because the treatments they tried made it worse. I convert on my own. I have only had maybe 5 episodes in like 25yrs 

Avoiding my triggers works best.

 

 

how have you been doing?

 

 

[Armorall]

Hi H2H, I'm the same. Thanks for your insight on the heart stuff. I appreciate it!

[Armorall]

Well, just went through an exercise that proved how incompetent doctors are. Went in for a "strange" uti (not usual symptoms, but wanted to check). Urgent care told me it was a mild uti and should take drugs immediately. I emailed my doctor later and asked if I could cut my dosage in half since it was mild( obviously trying to take as little as possible). Next day, doc said the culture came back negative, no uti.  Then later in the week, the lab calls me and tells me to come in, the test was negative because of contamination (which is very different than a true negative of course).
So, I didn't take it. Came back in a few days later, took another test. Argued with doc about what it means to get a culture or draw a positive uti test as that's what they initially told me. 

Test comes back negative. They tell me to come in again. They do a pelvic exam and a swab test. I have some lactobacillus present, so mild yeast infection. WTF, couldn't they have swabbed me in the first place? And not lied about it? 

Anyways, I've taken Miconazole 7 topical (forwent the oral tablets in case they'd mess me up). On Day 4 of the medication, I start having symptoms where whenever I exerted myself (basically not sitting perfectly still- talking or moving- like walking up stairs, carrying something or pulling 3 weeds out of the ground, my mouth and eyes go dry (like, pot-smoking dry) and/or my body goes hot and feverish (like my nose and mouth heats up) or my lips start to burn. Is this from the Miconazole or are my symptoms increasing? I haven't lost the other ones, so it's not the usual exchange. I'm still having mild speech problems and heart palps. Jaysus I hope this goes away soon. These are way more layers than I've ever had. I'm envious of people who report getting better at a year. I'm almost there and I have way more symptoms develop in the last three months than I've had in the months combined preceding that. I really hope it's a reaction to the med and it goes away soon. 
I did take a Covid test because of the feverish symptoms (although no temperature) and I had some congestion. Fingers crossed on the results! 

[Armorall]

Quick update: tested negative for Covid. Feverish type symptoms are waning but still there. I wonder if I overstimulated myself with working out. I miss being able to exercise to my heart's delight. 

[Armorall]

Welp, today marks a year anniversary of being off of all drugs. I have dry mouth, continue to have expressive cognitive problems (my thinking is much better in writing -when I do not have to pair it with the added task of talking, thinking is much clearer) , heart palps and sensitivity to exercise. Body heat disregulation, dry eyes, fatigue...I'm sure I'm forgetting some. Super thick fatigue in the morning that is exacerbated if I've slept more than 6 hours. I have up on my wall this date of being "healed" but, as well all know, a year is nothing. I put that up on my wall when I was naive to the trials and tribulations of WD. Is anything better?

Well, I love that I don't get the really harsh anxiety pangs that I got in the beginning, and for the most part, I can sleep as much as I want to and without the aid of melatonin (albeit never as deeply as I did before. i have the odd day where i overstimulate myself on FB and then have to use it, but these days, even late screen time doesn't seem to daunt me as much). I often can laugh, have fun with my son, feel ok/good. I am skeptical, however, if I wouldn't have more mood/sleep challenges if I was actually working. I've worked/taught from home since March, which takes a lot of the labor out of my work since I don't have to deal with classroom management (which is huge as a middle school/inner city/ SPED teacher). Oh right, I have NO JOB now because of WD (I told my boss in April that I probably needed to switch to part-time work, they only have full-time). I'm trying to find part-time work now, either as a remote teacher or data entry or whatever. 
So yeah, I'm living the good life- taking my son out hiking and laughing in bed with him and sleeping a lot (he's such a great 3 year old and still will take his afternoon nap). It's a good time, but I don't think I'm technically any better than before. I hope I get that corner turn at 18 months, but, I know, it's going to take as long as its going to take. I will be thankful if I markedly heal at all at any time honestly.  For now, when I lament the loss of who I was, I just tell myself I need to get through this life for my son. It's a horrible trap, because if it weren't for his existence, I would still be normal now.  The beings that messed me up (FB and my post-partum rage) are now the things that are saving me and giving me a sense of purpose and enjoyment (my boy and getting to communicate constantly on a platform where I don't have to talk but still interact with my friends). 

[Hanna72]

@Armorall

Hi, just read your post. I want to congratulate you on being drug free.  Well done 🙏That in itself is a huge accomplishment and you should be proud of how far you have come. Healing takes time for I think most of us in here, the time schedule is not clear, but it is there. One day at a time is what we have, and it sounds like you are on your way for sure. Don’t be hard on yourself, and believe you can, and you are half way there.

My best wishes to you.

 

[Armorall]

@Hanna72 thanks so much Hanna. I am weeping from your supportive words. I appreciate them a lot and wish you well as well ❤️

 

[ChessieCat]

Happy 1 year anniversary!

 

This topic was updated recently:

 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

[Armorall]

Thanks Chessie, maybe I'll check it out tomorrow. I'm afraid it's just going to depress/discourage me further. I remember that thread well. I understand it's updated but I can't imagine the circumstances around WD have changed much.  Believe me, I remember every word that Brass Monkey had to say about "us". 

Peace.

[Erell]

On 8/11/2020 at 1:10 AM, Armorall said:

. Is anything better?

Well, I love that I don't get the really harsh anxiety pangs that I got in the beginning, and for the most part, I can sleep as much as I want to and without the aid of melatonin (albeit never as deeply as I did before. i have the odd day where i overstimulate myself on FB and then have to use it, but these days, even late screen time doesn't seem to daunt me as much). I often can laugh, have fun with my son, feel ok/good. 

 

I know you feel skeptical because you don't feel "healed completely" but it sounds like you really are healing : laughing and enjoying with your son, no high anxiety, sleep,... This is huge Armorall, really.

Even your posts sounds much more calmer than before. 

 

Yes, maybe you would feel worse if you had to work. And maybe not.

The important thing is that you're feeling better, calmer.  And while you're not working, your body can rest and do his repair work. 

Maybe it is a good time to learn new coping skills ?

 

Sounds like you're getting there, happy anniversary ☀️💪

[Armorall]

@ErellThank you so much, Erell! I really appreciate it. I hear that often times the poster is oblivious to healing but people reading on the outside can see it. I hope that is true! Bless you for the work you do ❤️ You are always an inspiring source on SA and it's such a gift. 

[Armorall]

So...panicking. My dog tore his ACL and was prescribed medication. He is an anxious dog in certain situations, so he is required to take two doses of Trazadone before seeing the vet. Now that I know the names of all these drugs after religiously reading stuff on here for 7 straight months, I can barely bare having to administer him drugs. Anyway, his prescribed medication now is doggie ibuprofen (forgot the proper name) and gabapentin. I know there's people on here who have taken the latter so it scares me. He's supposed to take it three times a day, but I figured I'd cut his dosage in order to lower the risk. I cut a capsule in half (it was powder) intending on pouring it into a small amount of peanut butter and giving him half now and half later. Well, I could see how fine the powder was as it came out, and wondered how much of it I inhaled. I now feel vaguely woozy. I really hope it's just psychosomatic panicking. I really don't want any weird drug to set me back. I've been feeling good and interviewing for new, part-time jobs all week and am about to receive an offer. The last thing I need is to feel shittier at this time. Of course, there's nothing I can do, but I'm so pissed that I did that. I pray the lightheadedness I feel is all panic. I know it is a miniscule amount, but you know how we are with any drugs in WD, tiny amounts can mess us up. fingers crossed that it's just me and not the drug. never doing that again....my husband will cut the pills for doggie. 

[Armorall]

Never followed up. I was fine. Took me an hour or two to come back to "normal". Getting a new job, only 25 hours/week, place sounds good. I hope to do some good healing this year and be ready to do full time the year after that. Fingers crossed. 

[Hanna72]

On 9/3/2020 at 6:10 AM, Armorall said:

Never followed up. I was fine. Took me an hour or two to come back to "normal". Getting a new job, only 25 hours/week, place sounds good. I hope to do some good healing this year and be ready to do full time the year after that. Fingers crossed. 

That’s great news. Glad to see everything is working out for you. 
I am sure you will do healing this year, time and patience🙏
Take good care of yourself, sending you my best wishes.

[Armorall]

@Hanna72 thank you so much for your encouraging words. I do feel like I turned a corner this month. I can tell that I suddenly started making more jokes and laughing with my husband and son consistently (the consistency is a big deal) through the day and daily. My husband usually has to comfort me at least 2-3 times a week when I fall into despair and blame about withdrawal, and I haven't had to seek any comfort about it in the past month (the first month ever since I really started getting into the thick of withdrawal last October). So yeah! It's huge! I hope with the start of my job this week (there's been some delays) that I can keep it up. Fingers crossed, but feeling markedly better.

Thank you again Hanna, I hope you are enjoying the start to your week! 

[Armorall]

Just want to report that I had some dental work done (two fillings and a deteriorated crown taken out). Because of this wonderful site, I asked for no epinephrine, and they gave me carbocaine instead. All went well! I had no reaction to it later, just got appropriately numb, slept normal, no anxiety. Normal day today and took a nap today as well. Hooray! Also, when I went in, my doctor and the assistant kept saying how hard it was going to be to use carbocaine, how it doesn't work as well as novacaine blah blah. They were saying this at the preliminary appointment as well. At the actual appointment, they were asking me how my threshold of pain was, how carbocaine is going to wear off like it does with other people after 20 minutes....I was numb the whole time and then some. They said they gave a lot (I should ask them how big my dosage was for my notes). At some point later during the appointment, the doctor injected me with more carbocaine and said I was going to feel a pinch (from the injections). I felt nothing. They were so surprised at the end of the appointment (probably an hour and 15 minutes of work) that I was still very  numb. So, I'm happy that there were no after effects and that the carbocaine did its job. I'm going to go make a donation to SA now, saving me so much pain from this iatrogenic horror. 

[ChessieCat]

I've had long dental procedures with a non-adrenaline injection and it has stayed numb throughout the time there.  I'm glad your procedure went well and that you didn't have to suffer from having the other injection.  It makes a huge difference.