Erell: struggling with paroxetine

[Vegalia]

Hi Erell,.

 

You will probably have advices, but you dont have taken a lot of caps.

You have starting this caps very slowly.

 

2 caps of fish-oil : don't panic..

 

Bisous

 

Lætitia.

[Giulietta]

2 hours ago, Erell said:

This morning I took 2 fish oil capsules (it is still a low dose), as I was taking 1 capsule since 4 days and felt like it was helping me a bit.

 

I don't think doubling up on fish oil is an issue either.

 

Hope you are having a pleasant day. 🤗

[sunnysideup69]

Hey @Erell, don't worry about the fish oil. One extra capsule will be ok. If in doubt, you could always just go back to taking one capsule a day for a while longer x

[rola]

2 hours ago, Erell said:

Oups, il semble que je me suis trompé :

Ce matin, j'ai pris 2 capsules d'huile de poisson (la dose est encore faible), car je prenais 1 capsule depuis 4 jours et j'avais l'impression que cela m'aidait un peu.

 

Ce matin, je me sens vraiment bizarre : vraiment rapide, comme si j'étais à la batterie. Cela ne ressemble pas à l'agitation habituelle. 

 

J'ai lu sur le fil d'huile de poisson que les gens trouvent activant. Je pense que c'est ce qui se passe pour moi.

 

Maintenant, j'ai peur: ai-je gâché mes vagues et mon schéma Windows? Puis-je m'attendre à ce que demain l'effet de l'huile de poisson s'établisse?

J'ai bien peur d'avoir fait plus de dégâts et qu'ils dureront longtemps, et que je ne verrai pas de fenêtre à cause de ces 2 capsules d'huile de poisson.

 

désolé de poster trop mon anxiété. Je me sens stupide d'avoir commis cette erreur. 

 

souhaite une belle journée à tous.

salut erell 

je ne pense pas que ce soit l huile de poisson moi aussi je suis comme une pile électrique depuis que j ai remonté le deroxat 

je pense que c est le deroxat 

allez courage tu vas y arriver 

bises 

[Sassenach]

Hi Erell

 

The extra dose will make little or no difference which is why we say start slowly.

I took a double dose of my antidepressant one day, it had very little effect as everyone on here assured me it would not.

If you think it is helping go back to  one capsule tomorrow.

We have all done this at least once.

carmie-accidently-doubling-up-on-seroquel-one-day-while-tapering/?do=findComment&comment=345583

 

4 hours ago, Erell said:

Im afraid that I made more damages and that they Will last, and that I won't see a window because of these 2 fish oil capsules.

 

You will see a window, our brains are incredibly resilient if infuriatingly slow.

 

8 hours ago, Erell said:

 doctor appointment.

How did the appointment go?

 

Sass

[Erell]

Hi all!

 

First I must deeply apologize  : I asked you a question and then did'nt come back. Thank you so much for your answers! I also read the topic about non investing in drama : I found it interesting, and maybe I ask you all too much. I do so because I had never experienced such violent symptoms in my life, and je search réassurance. But I also have To learn not panicking and not asking you all the time! Please, apologize me.

 

So ! What a weird day ! 

I've been speed all day, like if I was wired. The only thing that I have changed Today is the dose of fish oil. 

In the mean time, I spent an afternoon with low level of anxiety and despair. 

And been out all afternoon ( that's why I did'nt look at your answers before,  forgot my Phone in my flat).

So : I don't know if it's a weird window or if fish oil both lessened  symptoms and made me so wired.

I'll take only one capsule tomorrow and see!

 

 

@Vegalia, @Guilietta, @sunnysideup69 and @rola : thank you so much for your answers! ❤

 

@Sassenach : the appointment went Well: my doctor wants me To increase the dose To 20mg and To add a benzo. I stayed polite and said i'll stay on 10mg and Will not add another med. He prescribed me what I wanted.

He doesn't agree with me, but he is Nice and respect my opinion. That's all I ask

Thank you !

[rola]

@Erell le rendez-vous s'est bien passé: mon médecin me demande d'augmenter la dose à 20 mg et d'ajouter un benzo. Je suis resté poli et a dit que je resterais sur 10mg et ne vais pas ajouter un autre med. Il m'a prescrit ce que je voulais.

 

ne l'écoute pas ,tu as bien avancé alors reviens pas en arrière 

ils ont la faciliter de nous bombarder de médocs

bisous 

[Sassenach]

Well done with the doctor.

33 minutes ago, Erell said:

And been out all afternoon ( that's why I did'nt look at your answers before,  forgot my Phone in my flat).

Glad you have been out, even better you left your phone, sometimes they can be activating with continual messages.

 

10 hours ago, Erell said:

Woke up anxious at 5.30am, then slight and anxious sleep until 7.30am

Will be interesting to see if you sleep better with the extra dose.

 

How are you feeling now?

 

Sass

[Erell]

@Sassenach : 

Now I Feel mild : mild anxiety, mild despair. And my restlessness decreased a bit. How Nice it is !!!!! 😍

 

Yes we'll see if it does something To my sleep. It is quite surprising how just an extradose of fish oil can do so much 😮 Was so wired this morning 😮

Even if it might have helped me with my mood this afternoon, I won't take thé risk again ! 🙄

[Sassenach]

Please let me know how you sleep in the morning and how you feel.

It may not have been a mistake but could be good.

Let's review it in the morning.

 

Dormez tres bien.

 

Sass

[Rhiannon]

It is interesting how sensitive we are to the smallest things in withdrawal. 

 

Good job staying firm with your wishes with your doctor. It seems they always want to give some kind of prescription. Not just with psych meds, but it seems like with everything, these days.

 

I am old enough to remember when you didn't always expect to come away from a visit to the doctor with a prescription, just reassurance and information. On my most recent visit last week, when I went in because of bronchitis, I didn't expect a prescription, I just wanted her to listen to my breathing and make sure nothing more serious was happening. But I left with two prescriptions anyway and she wanted to give a third which I refused. I did end up using the cough syrup to help me sleep during the worst nights of coughing, but really didn't use the other one. Now I have a cabinet full of medicines that I was prescribed but never really used.

 

The drug companies have done a good job of convincing everyone that we need their chemicals for everything, I guess.

 

I am glad to hear you went out! I know it's not easy, but you would not have been able to do that just a couple of weeks ago. You are coming along so well Erell! Tres bien!

[Erell]

Oh so you think my really High restlessness isn't necessarily related To fish oil and that 2 capsules might actually helps ?

Interesting ! 

Let's see what tomorrow brings!

Have a sweet evening dear Sass !

[Cocopuffz17]

2 hours ago, Rhiannon said:

It is interesting how sensitive we are to the smallest things in withdrawal. 

 

Good job staying firm with your wishes with your doctor. It seems they always want to give some kind of prescription. Not just with psych meds, but it seems like with everything, these days.

 

I am old enough to remember when you didn't always expect to come away from a visit to the doctor with a prescription, just reassurance and information. On my most recent visit last week, when I went in because of bronchitis, I didn't expect a prescription, I just wanted her to listen to my breathing and make sure nothing more serious was happening. But I left with two prescriptions anyway and she wanted to give a third which I refused. I did end up using the cough syrup to help me sleep during the worst nights of coughing, but really didn't use the other one. Now I have a cabinet full of medicines that I was prescribed but never really used.

 

The drug companies have done a good job of convincing everyone that we need their chemicals for everything, I guess.

 

I am glad to hear you went out! I know it's not easy, but you would not have been able to do that just a couple of weeks ago. You are coming along so well Erell! Tres bien!

Yes, it absolutely mind blowing that they give prescriptions for everything. How did we as humans survive the hardest times when there was nothing man made on this planet?  But now we can’t leave our house without 20 allergies. 
 

I separated my shoulder and was told I needed two prescriptions. I took the papers, but never filled them. Injury healed faster than any other blunt force injury I have received from rugby. Hmmmmm

 

I also went to the doc about having shortness of breath. Instantly said I have asthma and prescribed a puffer. Odd... I’ve played sports for 20 years and never had this issue before. I didn’t get the puffer and haven’t had that issue since that one event. 
 

I also have a keloid scar on my shoulder from about 10 years ago. It would get so big that a seatbelt would irritate it. I would go get steroid injections. It would reduce in size for a few months and repeated this step 5-6 times. I changed my nutrition and came off this medication and wow the keloid is almost flat with my skin. So you tell me. I eliminated the inflammation in my body which was causing this and my body took care of it. 
 

Another big one for me is my autoimmune disease which I have struggled with for 4 years. Doctors want to hit it with steroids or immunosuppressants. I refused. But I come off this medication and change my nutrition and boom hair starts growing back. 
 

I strongly believe medication is over prescribed and causing more long term health issues than the short term benefit it is providing. 

2 hours ago, Rhiannon said:

It is interesting how sensitive we are to the smallest things in withdrawal. 

 

Good job staying firm with your wishes with your doctor. It seems they always want to give some kind of prescription. Not just with psych meds, but it seems like with everything, these days.

 

I am old enough to remember when you didn't always expect to come away from a visit to the doctor with a prescription, just reassurance and information. On my most recent visit last week, when I went in because of bronchitis, I didn't expect a prescription, I just wanted her to listen to my breathing and make sure nothing more serious was happening. But I left with two prescriptions anyway and she wanted to give a third which I refused. I did end up using the cough syrup to help me sleep during the worst nights of coughing, but really didn't use the other one. Now I have a cabinet full of medicines that I was prescribed but never really used.

 

The drug companies have done a good job of convincing everyone that we need their chemicals for everything, I guess.

 

I am glad to hear you went out! I know it's not easy, but you would not have been able to do that just a couple of weeks ago. You are coming along so well Erell! Tres bien!

Yes, it absolutely mind blowing that they give prescriptions for everything. How did we as humans survive the hardest times when there was nothing man made on this planet?  But now we can’t leave our house without 20 allergies. 
 

I separated my shoulder and was told I needed two prescriptions. I took the papers, but never filled them. Injury healed faster than any other blunt force injury I have received from rugby. Hmmmmm

 

I also went to the doc about having shortness of breath. Instantly said I have asthma and prescribed a puffer. Odd... I’ve played sports for 20 years and never had this issue before. I didn’t get the puffer and haven’t had that issue since that one event. 
 

I also have a keloid scar on my shoulder from about 10 years ago. It would get so big that a seatbelt would irritate it. I would go get steroid injections. It would reduce in size for a few months and repeated this step 5-6 times. I changed my nutrition and came off this medication and wow the keloid is almost flat with my skin. So you tell me. I eliminated the inflammation in my body which was causing this and my body took care of it. 
 

Another big one for me is my autoimmune disease which I have struggled with for 4 years. Doctors want to hit it with steroids or immunosuppressants. I refused. But I come off this medication and change my nutrition and boom hair starts growing back. 
 

I strongly believe medication is over prescribed and causing more long term health issues than the short term benefit it is providing. 

[Erell]

Good morning. 

 

Diary 17 October/ day 23 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

5.30am : woke up anxious (7). Then slight anxious sleep until 7.30am 

8am : 10mg Paroxetine + 2 fish oil capsules 

9.30am : despair (5) / anxiety (6) / restlessness (6)

10am: Spike of despair (7). Cry. Lot of anxiety, lump in my throat, nauseas. Feeling weird. Internal tremors. 

10.45am : Feel so wired, like a pressure cooker. It doesn't Feel like the usual restlessness. This Will last until 2pm, and then gradually decrease.

12 : Spike of despair. 

1pm : went outside, can't stay in my flat walking in circles. 

All afternoon : spent the day outside, walking in the City. Gradually, anxiety/ despair/ wired feelings decreased. 

5pm : feeling 'mild' : there are symptoms but they are tolérable,  I even think that maybe I could live like this. 

7pm : anxiety: 5 / despair:4 / restlessness: 5

8pm : Feel almost normal 😍

anxiety (4) / despair (2) / restlessness (4)

8.30pm: bedtime. Relaxation music and a book.

11pm : Feel totally awaken, but so confident! I think I hadn't felt so hopeful since August ! 😍

Lights off.

 

This night: It took me 1h-1h3o To Feel asleep. But I did'nt mind. My mood was so good. 

I slept until 7am, woke up anxious (6).

 

 

--》 Yesterday was like if I began the day in a nightmare and then gradually went To a window. I re-discovered confidence, trust in future. I spent the evening saying 'thank you' To my brain 😄

--》 this morning, i'll take only 1 fish oil capsule.

 

@Rhiannon : you are so right. One month ago, I definitely couldn't have spent the afternoon outside. It is really Nice of you To remind me how grateful I have To be for the improvments!

WD is such a dark place : before this year, I had never experienced such violent mood and anxiety. It is new and frightening. I don't get use To It! I didn't know there could be such dark places in life. And thanks To you and all thé amazing people here, I have To start learning To stay confident and focus on the good. Thank you for your wisdom❤

 

@Rhiannon and @Cocopuffz17 : woah rhi,  your memory of doctors who are only there To provide empathy sounds lovely ! 😄 

Now,  and since my benzo WD, I really only see doctors as drug dealer, and my only expectations are To have the prescription that I need.

Doctors are so powerfull : I was only 15 when doctors told me there must be something wrong in my brain, and that I would have To live with meds all my life. I believed them, was grateful.

It took me several years To start thinking that maybe there could be other ways To cope with panic attacks. Still learning

I agree with you both with all you said. But I also try To not let anger be in my blood.  Now it's not the time for me. I'm not strong enough To let anger feelings live in me, I must only try To focus on positive. 

 

[Sassenach]

Good morning Erell

It may have taken you until 1 a.m. to get to sleep but that may not be surprising as you were still on this site at 11:30 p.m..

Blue light before bed not a great idea. 😋

I suggest you take 1 fish oil this morning and if you feel you would like the second one take it with your lunch.

Please ensure that two capsules is not more than the recommended dose.

Sass

Edited October 18, 2019 by Sassenach

[Erell]

You got me detective! Yes, I admit ! 

Bad idea, you're right. 

2 capsules is not more than the recommended doses.

 

Hope you're doing ok, have a Nice day Sass.

 

[Sassenach]

😉

[Sassenach]

Hi Erell how are you feeling now?

[Erell]

Sass, 

 

I think I might be in a window : my despair feelings are really low  since yesterday afternoon, I have only very quick Spikes. I'm even able To imagine a  smiling future 😍

 

Can't say the same for anxiety : lot of agoraphobia Today, the outside seems threatening. I wanna try  To go outside a bit this afternoon, but did'nt find the courage. The day is not finished

 

Still amazed by how différent can be the days in WD ! 

 

(I only took 1 fish oil capsule this morning ) 

 

Thank you so much for asking. Wish you a delightful afternoon!

[Sassenach]

Your anxiety lesened as the day progressed yesterday.

May be worth taking 2nd fish oil this afternoon!!!!!

[Erell]

Oh ?? Really ??? 

So you think that fish oil did'nt put me in this state of High restlessness yesterday morning ?

I really felt like it was activating me too much.

 

I'm too scared of ruining my evening if I take a second capsule this afternoon. My evenings and bedtimes are generally easier for me, I really need them because I use them To redo the stock of hope  😉

I may try tomorrow To take a second capsule at noon as you suggest .

[Sassenach]

I always say listen to your body.

If that is what you feel , go along with it.

No point in creating aniety for yourself🤗

If you feel ok over the weekend I could do with some help clarifying a drug signature.

Enjoy your better day.

Pleased for you.

 

Sass

[Erell]

I Will see how I Feel tomorrow and then see if I give a try To a second capsule of fish oil 😉

 

With which signature would you like some help ? I'd be pleased To help.

 

Thank you Sass

[Sassenach]

Will get back to you later

[Sassenach]

 

 

 

29 july 2018: xanax 0,125 x2 -12 august: xanax 0,25 x 2 - 28 august veratran 5x2

4 october-->24 october :Prazepam gouttes 10,10,15 -->7,7,13 - 25 october :Prazepam 20,20,20 (stabilisation)

21 november 5% : 19x3  : I held there because of Ad's adverse reactions.

10 december-18 february 2019 : tappered  2%/21 To  avoid benzo tolerancy : 17,52x3

19 february--> 30 march : 15,66x3: tappered benzo because it overdrugged me, and tappered Ad (5% then 3%)

31 march--11 may : 2℅/21 j : 15,04x3

12 may-31 july: 3%/7j-->5%/8j then I held: 10,29x3 : tappered again because I stopped tappering the AD.

1 August-->26 septembre : 2%21 with twice on  3%/7j because I felt overdrugged  ( maybe I misinterprated the fact that I was really tired?) 9,29x3 -

27 september : 9,50

9th Oct Prazepam 4,75 mg 3 times a day, at 9 a.m., 3 p.m., and 9 p.m

[Vegalia]

Hi,

 

Oups, It's my signature.

Sorry. 

Can I do something to help? 

 

Vega

[Sassenach]

@Vegalia

 

It is fine Vega we are trying to ensure everything is in a format we usually use so it is easier to assess.

All the info is there just needs sorting so the boss can see quickly🤗

[Vegalia]

@Sassenach

 

Yes, I sée. Thank you So much.

Do you want I tell you équivalences in mg for prazepam ? Because all is in Lysanxia drops. 1 drop of Lysanxia = 0,5 mg prazepam.

Veratran = clotiazepam (Half-Life : 4h). 5 mg clotiazepam=0,50 mg xanax = 15 mg prazepam.

 

Vega

Edited October 18, 2019 by Vegalia
Complement

[Erell]

Good morning. 

 

Diary Friday 18 October / day 24 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

7am : woke up anxious (5)

8am : 10mgParoxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

8.30am : lot of anxious intrusive thoughts ( what if I poop out in next days ? Maybe I'll never Feel normal again?)

9am : quick Spike of despair (7) with cries 

10am : fear of the future, hard To change the Channel. Tinnitus.

12 : eat a salmon sandwich.

anxiety (6) / despair  (4) / restlessness  (4)

1pm : quick Spike of despair (7), hard To Feel hope.

3pm : Tinnitus. Despair (4) / restlessness (5) / anxiety (6). I décide To try To go out : went To the organic grocery, managed To stay 10minutes. 

Then went To the sea : did'nt manage To enjoy it, too anxious.

4.30pm : anxiety (6) / despair (4) / restlessness (6)

6pm : despair (4) / restlessness (5)/ anxiety (6)

8pm : bedtime: anxiety (6) / despair (6) / restlessness (5)

10pm : anxiety (5) / despair (4) / restlessness (5).

Lights off at 11pm.

 

This night : I fell asleep around 11.30pm. Woke up anxious at 6.30am then slight anxious sleep until 8am. 

I'm so grateful for these long nights and not waking up every hours!

 

 

 

---》 Hard To tell if yesterday was a window: the day was easier in terms of despair, but anxiety was présent and didn't decrease in thé day...

 

 

[Erell]

@Longestroadhome : thank you for taking the time To stop by here !

I'm back in a violent wave Today, and it helps To read your sweet words.

I may have experienced my most violent Spike of despair this morning. 

I have To remind it Will pass.

Thank you ❤

[mustafa]

7 hours ago, Erell said:

Good morning. 

 

Diary Friday 18 October / day 24 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

7am : woke up anxious (5)

8am : 10mgParoxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

8.30am : lot of anxious intrusive thoughts ( what if I poop out in next days ? Maybe I'll never Feel normal again?)

9am : quick Spike of despair (7) with cries 

10am : fear of the future, hard To change the Channel. Tinnitus.

12 : eat a salmon sandwich.

anxiety (6) / despair  (4) / restlessness  (4)

1pm : quick Spike of despair (7), hard To Feel hope.

3pm : Tinnitus. Despair (4) / restlessness (5) / anxiety (6). I décide To try To go out : went To the organic grocery, managed To stay 10minutes. 

Then went To the sea : did'nt manage To enjoy it, too anxious.

4.30pm : anxiety (6) / despair (4) / restlessness (6)

6pm : despair (4) / restlessness (5)/ anxiety (6)

8pm : bedtime: anxiety (6) / despair (6) / restlessness (5)

10pm : anxiety (5) / despair (4) / restlessness (5).

Lights off at 11pm.

 

This night : I fell asleep around 11.30pm. Woke up anxious at 6.30am then slight anxious sleep until 8am. 

I'm so grateful for these long nights and not waking up every hours!

 

 

 

---》 Hard To tell if yesterday was a window: the day was easier in terms of despair, but anxiety was présent and didn't decrease in thé day...

 

 

hello erell , the more you feel anxious, the closer to recovery you are.

take care that fish oil capsules may be stimulating to your symptomts,  this happened for me so try to know if this is right  to you too.

feeling more and more anxiety and the desire of screaming is good for any person want to survive and get his life back.

enjoy your day

[Giulietta]

Coucou Erell,

 

Sorry about your wave of despair. Telling yourself it will pass - as you know it will - acknowledging that is here for the moment - is the thing to do. It becomes a way of life for a period doesn't it. 😕

 

Sending hugs,

 

💗

[Rhiannon]

Hello Erell, just stopping by for a quick hug. 

 

I know what you are feeling is despair, but as I follow your progress I see nothing but hope. It is going to be hard, these first months are always tough, but you are improving gradually, through your waves and windows. It all looks very good to me. Hang in there, keep going. You are doing great.

[Giulietta]

Hello again

 

Just thinking of something that kept me going through the difficult times. The MD told me that I was not going to feel well. He told me I would have physical symptoms (not in any detail). He also told me 'you may think you are going out of your mind.' (not joking) I had no idea to what extent -🤣 but he was right. I am so glad that he was up front. If I hadn't known this it would have been harder to bear. 

 

You have us. And we have you.  

 

 

[Erell]

@Guilietta , @mustafa, and @Rhiannon :

Thank you so much for stopping by ❤

Thank you Rhiannon for telling me that I'm doing great : I hear around me sentences like " you should shake yourself and stop crying" and it is terrible To hear while I fight so strongly for life. Those around me seem To start Being tired with me, and I don't know how To make them understand How much I love life.

It is also incredibly Nice To read that you see hope in my situation. I keep thinking about last thursday afternoon To Feel hope.

I try To bear as best as I can. 

 

Thank you all ❤

 

[Sassenach]

Hi Erell

 

Sorry to hear you are having a rotten day.

3 minutes ago, Erell said:

Those around me seem To start Being tired with me, and I don't know how To make them understand How much I love life.

You have spent a lot of time on here so I am sure you know by now this happens.

I maybe lucky but my attitude is simple, I don't care what anyone thinks because I will prove them wrong.

And now I am doing just that.

The only one who matters at the moment is you.

When you return to being your old self you will be amazed how quickly, you and those around you forget the hurt and pain.

It is why it is difficult for many people to come back and write their success stories.

Who can blame them, not me for sure.

Health is Happiness for all of us and we will all get there.

Please also remember you are helping others when you are able.

Are you feeling any better as the evening approaches?

 

Sass