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Erell

Erell: struggling with paroxetine

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Erell

@Vegalia : MERCI ❤

I want To live too !!!! But I suffer from impatience...would like To live NOW,  not just survive !

Would like To fall in love with an amazing guy, take my car To go To give kisses To my parents just because I want To, make beautiful walks anywhere in Brittany and take pictures To send them To @Sassenach;) , be glad To comeback To my warm flat and jump under my blanket To read a book,....

 

We Will live again, we have to believe it!! And then my friend, you Will come To Brittany and together we Will take a lesson of surf and surf the waves on the sea 😍 

(Sass, don't shirk, Can't wait To see you on a surfboard! )

 

Ps : yes Sass, I saw your email. I sent you one ;)

Your pictures make me dream of living with a dog again 🙄

Here it is super rainy, enjoy the scottish sun !

 

 

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Guilietta
6 hours ago, Erell said:

Restlessness was rough. Especially in my legs and arms. I don't know what To do with my body and can't stay quiet.

 

Have you tried doing calisthenics gymnastique rythmique when you feel this way? I honestly have not because I don't 'think' or 'remember' to do this. The anxiety part of me stops me from this. ;)

 

Maybe contracting muscles in a voluntary way will help with this?

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Sassenach
1 minute ago, Erell said:

Can't wait To see you on a surfboard! )

 

In swimming trunks, do  you really want a heart attack when you recover from W/D😎:blush:

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Erell
6 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

In swimming trunks, do  you really want a heart attack when you recover from W/D😎:blush:

I often read on SA that we actually can do more than we think  😄

 

@Guilietta : I did'nt try gymnastique. I do contract my  muscles, but I don't Feel like it helps. 

Another sweet gift in WD! Like I Said,  I don't think there are symptoms easier than others, everything is a matter of intensity. And patience.. And acceptance...And blessing the friend who created a netflix account for you...;)

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Vegalia
32 minutes ago, Erell said:

@Vegalia : MERCI ❤

Here it is super rainy

 

 

 Ha ! Ha!

It's always raining in Bretagne...

I send you sun from Auvergne. 😛

 

I love Bretagne. ;)

 

Vega 

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sunnysideup69

@Erell, you will stabilise,

I'm having a glitch over the past day also. It will go again, but lord, this takes patience. Sending hugs from London xxx

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Guilietta
33 minutes ago, Erell said:

I want To live too !!!! But I suffer from impatience...would like To live NOW,  not just survive !

Would like To fall in love with an amazing guy,

 

Me too!!🤣 I would like to meet a great guy (who thinks I am great too!).

 

About living NOW- I am so mad about time I lost to WD  since August 2018 so many problems. But I am getting better. And you will and are even if it doesn't feel taht way.

 

Even since August 2018

I have managed to get out on my own in the car and at night!

I have had some fun with other people and done many things I enjoy. I have also passed things up because I had anxiety about going out (irrational I know - but there it is).

One thought someone has passed to me - ask yourself 'what is the likelihood of x happening'?   This is the rational adaptation but hard to do when one's emotions of fear and anxiety seem to be driving the bus.

 

Every little success of doing somethign or going out with a friend when I have anxiety - builds upon a bigger success.

 

Sometimes  the anxiety about being somewhere is not with the place necessarilky - but thinking about getting there.   Sometimes, some of the trouble comes from getting ready, walking or driving,  thinking about it. Does this make sense?  I can't explain it. I wish I knew why. 🤔

 

This is easeir said than done I know...    😕

 

 

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Sassenach

Erell

 

Did you get the doggie pics I sent you?

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Erell
3 hours ago, Erell said:

 

Ps : yes Sass, I saw your email. I sent you one ;)

Your pictures make me dream of living with a dog again 🙄

Here it is super rainy, enjoy the scottish sun !

 

 

Yes dear Sass ;)

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Erell

Good morning. 

 

Diary 16 October/ day 22 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

6.30am woke up anxious (6). Then slight anxious sleep until 8am. 

8am 10mg Paroxetine. 1 fish oil capsule 

9.30 am anxiety (5) / restlessness (5) / despair (4)

10am doctor appointment.

11am anxiety (5) / restlessness (6) / despair (6)

12 Spike of despair (8), cry, suicidal thoughts.

1pm : anxiety (6) / despair (6) / restlessness (6)

2pm : despair (7) / anxiety (6) / restlessness (5). It Will be the same all afternoon. Lot of cries. Hard Spikes of despair. Quick suicidal ideas. 

8.15pm : bedtime. Despair (6) / anxiety (6) / restlessness  (5)

10.30pm restlessness (4) / anxiety (5) / despair (5)

11pm lights off

 

this night: fell asleep around 11.30pm. Woke up anxious at 5.30am, then slight and anxious sleep until 7.30am. 

 

 

--》 still in a wave, still trying To learn surfing. Gosh this is Hard!

This morning, I'm gonna try 2 fish oil capsules. 

 

 

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Erell

Oops it seems that I messed up :

This morning I took 2 fish oil capsules (it is still a low dose), as I was taking 1 capsule since 4 days and felt like it was helping me a bit.

 

This morning I Feel really weird : really speed, like if I'm on battery. It doesn't Feel like the usual restlessness. 

 

I've read on the fish oil thread that people find it activating. I think that is what is happening To me.

 

Now I'm afraid: did I mess up my waves and Windows pattern? Can I expect that tomorrow the effect of fish oil Will settle down ?

I'm afraid that I made more damages and that they Will last, and that I won't see a window because of these 2 fish oil capsules.

 

sorry for posting too much my anxiety. Feel stupid for having done this mistake. 

 

wish a Nice day To all .

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Vegalia

Hi Erell,.

 

You will probably have advices, but you dont have taken a lot of caps.

You have starting this caps very slowly.

 

2 caps of fish-oil : don't panic.. :)

 

Bisous

 

Lætitia.

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Guilietta
2 hours ago, Erell said:

This morning I took 2 fish oil capsules (it is still a low dose), as I was taking 1 capsule since 4 days and felt like it was helping me a bit.

 

I don't think doubling up on fish oil is an issue either. ;)

 

Hope you are having a pleasant day. 🤗

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sunnysideup69

Hey @Erell, don't worry about the fish oil. One extra capsule will be ok. If in doubt, you could always just go back to taking one capsule a day for a while longer x

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rola
2 hours ago, Erell said:

Oups, il semble que je me suis trompé :

Ce matin, j'ai pris 2 capsules d'huile de poisson (la dose est encore faible), car je prenais 1 capsule depuis 4 jours et j'avais l'impression que cela m'aidait un peu.

 

Ce matin, je me sens vraiment bizarre : vraiment rapide, comme si j'étais à la batterie. Cela ne ressemble pas à l'agitation habituelle. 

 

J'ai lu sur le fil d'huile de poisson que les gens trouvent activant. Je pense que c'est ce qui se passe pour moi.

 

Maintenant, j'ai peur: ai-je gâché mes vagues et mon schéma Windows? Puis-je m'attendre à ce que demain l'effet de l'huile de poisson s'établisse?

J'ai bien peur d'avoir fait plus de dégâts et qu'ils dureront longtemps, et que je ne verrai pas de fenêtre à cause de ces 2 capsules d'huile de poisson.

 

désolé de poster trop mon anxiété. Je me sens stupide d'avoir commis cette erreur. 

 

souhaite une belle journée à tous.

salut erell 

je ne pense pas que ce soit l huile de poisson moi aussi je suis comme une pile électrique depuis que j ai remonté le deroxat 

je pense que c est le deroxat 

allez courage tu vas y arriver 

bises 

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Sassenach

Hi Erell

 

The extra dose will make little or no difference which is why we say start slowly.

I took a double dose of my antidepressant one day, it had very little effect as everyone on here assured me it would not.

If you think it is helping go back to  one capsule tomorrow.

We have all done this at least once.

carmie-accidently-doubling-up-on-seroquel-one-day-while-tapering/?do=findComment&comment=345583

 

4 hours ago, Erell said:

Im afraid that I made more damages and that they Will last, and that I won't see a window because of these 2 fish oil capsules.

 

You will see a window, our brains are incredibly resilient if infuriatingly slow.

 

8 hours ago, Erell said:

 doctor appointment.

How did the appointment go?

 

Sass

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Erell

Hi all!

 

First I must deeply apologize  : I asked you a question and then did'nt come back. Thank you so much for your answers! I also read the topic about non investing in drama : I found it interesting, and maybe I ask you all too much. I do so because I had never experienced such violent symptoms in my life, and je search réassurance. But I also have To learn not panicking and not asking you all the time! Please, apologize me.

 

So ! What a weird day ! 

I've been speed all day, like if I was wired. The only thing that I have changed Today is the dose of fish oil. 

In the mean time, I spent an afternoon with low level of anxiety and despair. 

And been out all afternoon ( that's why I did'nt look at your answers before,  forgot my Phone in my flat).

So : I don't know if it's a weird window or if fish oil both lessened  symptoms and made me so wired.

I'll take only one capsule tomorrow and see!

 

 

@Vegalia, @Guilietta, @sunnysideup69 and @rola : thank you so much for your answers! ❤

 

@Sassenach : the appointment went Well: my doctor wants me To increase the dose To 20mg and To add a benzo. I stayed polite and said i'll stay on 10mg and Will not add another med. He prescribed me what I wanted.

He doesn't agree with me, but he is Nice and respect my opinion. That's all I ask ;)

Thank you !

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rola

@Erell le rendez-vous s'est bien passé: mon médecin me demande d'augmenter la dose à 20 mg et d'ajouter un benzo. Je suis resté poli et a dit que je resterais sur 10mg et ne vais pas ajouter un autre med. Il m'a prescrit ce que je voulais.

 

ne l'écoute pas ,tu as bien avancé alors reviens pas en arrière 

ils ont la faciliter de nous bombarder de médocs

bisous 

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Sassenach

Well done with the doctor.

33 minutes ago, Erell said:

And been out all afternoon ( that's why I did'nt look at your answers before,  forgot my Phone in my flat).

Glad you have been out, even better you left your phone, sometimes they can be activating with continual messages.

 

10 hours ago, Erell said:

Woke up anxious at 5.30am, then slight and anxious sleep until 7.30am

Will be interesting to see if you sleep better with the extra dose.

 

How are you feeling now?

 

Sass

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Erell

@Sassenach 

Now I Feel mild : mild anxiety, mild despair. And my restlessness decreased a bit. How Nice it is !!!!! 😍

 

Yes we'll see if it does something To my sleep. It is quite surprising how just an extradose of fish oil can do so much 😮 Was so wired this morning 😮

Even if it might have helped me with my mood this afternoon, I won't take thé risk again ! 🙄

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Sassenach

Please let me know how you sleep in the morning and how you feel.

It may not have been a mistake but could be good.

Let's review it in the morning.

 

Dormez tres bien.

 

Sass

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Rhiannon

It is interesting how sensitive we are to the smallest things in withdrawal. 

 

Good job staying firm with your wishes with your doctor. It seems they always want to give some kind of prescription. Not just with psych meds, but it seems like with everything, these days.

 

I am old enough to remember when you didn't always expect to come away from a visit to the doctor with a prescription, just reassurance and information. On my most recent visit last week, when I went in because of bronchitis, I didn't expect a prescription, I just wanted her to listen to my breathing and make sure nothing more serious was happening. But I left with two prescriptions anyway and she wanted to give a third which I refused. I did end up using the cough syrup to help me sleep during the worst nights of coughing, but really didn't use the other one. Now I have a cabinet full of medicines that I was prescribed but never really used.

 

The drug companies have done a good job of convincing everyone that we need their chemicals for everything, I guess.

 

I am glad to hear you went out! I know it's not easy, but you would not have been able to do that just a couple of weeks ago. You are coming along so well Erell! Tres bien!

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Erell

Oh so you think my really High restlessness isn't necessarily related To fish oil and that 2 capsules might actually helps ?

Interesting ! 

Let's see what tomorrow brings!

Have a sweet evening dear Sass !

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Cocopuffz17
2 hours ago, Rhiannon said:

It is interesting how sensitive we are to the smallest things in withdrawal. 

 

Good job staying firm with your wishes with your doctor. It seems they always want to give some kind of prescription. Not just with psych meds, but it seems like with everything, these days.

 

I am old enough to remember when you didn't always expect to come away from a visit to the doctor with a prescription, just reassurance and information. On my most recent visit last week, when I went in because of bronchitis, I didn't expect a prescription, I just wanted her to listen to my breathing and make sure nothing more serious was happening. But I left with two prescriptions anyway and she wanted to give a third which I refused. I did end up using the cough syrup to help me sleep during the worst nights of coughing, but really didn't use the other one. Now I have a cabinet full of medicines that I was prescribed but never really used.

 

The drug companies have done a good job of convincing everyone that we need their chemicals for everything, I guess.

 

I am glad to hear you went out! I know it's not easy, but you would not have been able to do that just a couple of weeks ago. You are coming along so well Erell! Tres bien!


Yes, it absolutely mind blowing that they give prescriptions for everything. How did we as humans survive the hardest times when there was nothing man made on this planet?  But now we can’t leave our house without 20 allergies. 
 

I separated my shoulder and was told I needed two prescriptions. I took the papers, but never filled them. Injury healed faster than any other blunt force injury I have received from rugby. Hmmmmm

 

I also went to the doc about having shortness of breath. Instantly said I have asthma and prescribed a puffer. Odd... I’ve played sports for 20 years and never had this issue before. I didn’t get the puffer and haven’t had that issue since that one event. 
 

I also have a keloid scar on my shoulder from about 10 years ago. It would get so big that a seatbelt would irritate it. I would go get steroid injections. It would reduce in size for a few months and repeated this step 5-6 times. I changed my nutrition and came off this medication and wow the keloid is almost flat with my skin. So you tell me. I eliminated the inflammation in my body which was causing this and my body took care of it. 
 

Another big one for me is my autoimmune disease which I have struggled with for 4 years. Doctors want to hit it with steroids or immunosuppressants. I refused. But I come off this medication and change my nutrition and boom hair starts growing back. 
 

I strongly believe medication is over prescribed and causing more long term health issues than the short term benefit it is providing. 

2 hours ago, Rhiannon said:

It is interesting how sensitive we are to the smallest things in withdrawal. 

 

Good job staying firm with your wishes with your doctor. It seems they always want to give some kind of prescription. Not just with psych meds, but it seems like with everything, these days.

 

I am old enough to remember when you didn't always expect to come away from a visit to the doctor with a prescription, just reassurance and information. On my most recent visit last week, when I went in because of bronchitis, I didn't expect a prescription, I just wanted her to listen to my breathing and make sure nothing more serious was happening. But I left with two prescriptions anyway and she wanted to give a third which I refused. I did end up using the cough syrup to help me sleep during the worst nights of coughing, but really didn't use the other one. Now I have a cabinet full of medicines that I was prescribed but never really used.

 

The drug companies have done a good job of convincing everyone that we need their chemicals for everything, I guess.

 

I am glad to hear you went out! I know it's not easy, but you would not have been able to do that just a couple of weeks ago. You are coming along so well Erell! Tres bien!


Yes, it absolutely mind blowing that they give prescriptions for everything. How did we as humans survive the hardest times when there was nothing man made on this planet?  But now we can’t leave our house without 20 allergies. 
 

I separated my shoulder and was told I needed two prescriptions. I took the papers, but never filled them. Injury healed faster than any other blunt force injury I have received from rugby. Hmmmmm

 

I also went to the doc about having shortness of breath. Instantly said I have asthma and prescribed a puffer. Odd... I’ve played sports for 20 years and never had this issue before. I didn’t get the puffer and haven’t had that issue since that one event. 
 

I also have a keloid scar on my shoulder from about 10 years ago. It would get so big that a seatbelt would irritate it. I would go get steroid injections. It would reduce in size for a few months and repeated this step 5-6 times. I changed my nutrition and came off this medication and wow the keloid is almost flat with my skin. So you tell me. I eliminated the inflammation in my body which was causing this and my body took care of it. 
 

Another big one for me is my autoimmune disease which I have struggled with for 4 years. Doctors want to hit it with steroids or immunosuppressants. I refused. But I come off this medication and change my nutrition and boom hair starts growing back. 
 

I strongly believe medication is over prescribed and causing more long term health issues than the short term benefit it is providing. 

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Erell

Good morning. 

 

Diary 17 October/ day 23 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

5.30am : woke up anxious (7). Then slight anxious sleep until 7.30am 

8am : 10mg Paroxetine + 2 fish oil capsules 

9.30am : despair (5) / anxiety (6) / restlessness (6)

10am: Spike of despair (7). Cry. Lot of anxiety, lump in my throat, nauseas. Feeling weird. Internal tremors. 

10.45am : Feel so wired, like a pressure cooker. It doesn't Feel like the usual restlessness. This Will last until 2pm, and then gradually decrease.

12 : Spike of despair. 

1pm went outside, can't stay in my flat walking in circles. 

All afternoon : spent the day outside, walking in the City. Gradually, anxiety/ despair/ wired feelings decreased. 

5pm : feeling 'mild' : there are symptoms but they are tolérable,  I even think that maybe I could live like this. 

7pm : anxiety: 5 / despair:4 / restlessness: 5

8pm Feel almost normal 😍

anxiety (4) / despair (2) / restlessness (4)

8.30pm: bedtime. Relaxation music and a book.

11pm : Feel totally awaken, but so confident! I think I hadn't felt so hopeful since August ! 😍

Lights off.

 

This night: It took me 1h-1h3o To Feel asleep. But I did'nt mind. My mood was so good. 

I slept until 7am, woke up anxious (6).

 

 

--》 Yesterday was like if I began the day in a nightmare and then gradually went To a window. I re-discovered confidence, trust in future. I spent the evening saying 'thank you' To my brain 😄

--》 this morning, i'll take only 1 fish oil capsule.

 

@Rhiannon : you are so right. One month ago, I definitely couldn't have spent the afternoon outside. It is really Nice of you To remind me how grateful I have To be for the improvments!

WD is such a dark place : before this year, I had never experienced such violent mood and anxiety. It is new and frightening. I don't get use To It! I didn't know there could be such dark places in life. And thanks To you and all thé amazing people here, I have To start learning To stay confident and focus on the good. Thank you for your wisdom❤

 

@Rhiannon and @Cocopuffz17 : woah rhi,  your memory of doctors who are only there To provide empathy sounds lovely ! 😄 

Now,  and since my benzo WD, I really only see doctors as drug dealer, and my only expectations are To have the prescription that I need.

Doctors are so powerfull : I was only 15 when doctors told me there must be something wrong in my brain, and that I would have To live with meds all my life. I believed them, was grateful.

It took me several years To start thinking that maybe there could be other ways To cope with panic attacks. Still learning ;)

I agree with you both with all you said. But I also try To not let anger be in my blood.  Now it's not the time for me. I'm not strong enough To let anger feelings live in me, I must only try To focus on positive. 

 

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Sassenach

Good morning Erell

It may have taken you until 1 a.m. to get to sleep but that may not be surprising as you were still on this site at 11:30 p.m..

Blue light before bed not a great idea. 😋

I suggest you take 1 fish oil this morning and if you feel you would like the second one take it with your lunch.

Please ensure that two capsules is not more than the recommended dose.

Sass

Edited by Sassenach

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Erell

You got me detective! Yes, I admit ! 

Bad idea, you're right. 

2 capsules is not more than the recommended doses.

 

Hope you're doing ok, have a Nice day Sass.

 

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Sassenach

😉

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Sassenach

Hi Erell how are you feeling now?

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Erell

Sass, 

 

I think I might be in a window : my despair feelings are really low  since yesterday afternoon, I have only very quick Spikes. I'm even able To imagine a  smiling future 😍

 

Can't say the same for anxiety : lot of agoraphobia Today, the outside seems threatening. I wanna try  To go outside a bit this afternoon, but did'nt find the courage. The day is not finished ;)

 

Still amazed by how différent can be the days in WD ! 

 

(I only took 1 fish oil capsule this morning ) 

 

Thank you so much for asking. Wish you a delightful afternoon!

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Sassenach

Your anxiety lesened as the day progressed yesterday.

May be worth taking 2nd fish oil this afternoon!!!!!

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Erell

Oh ?? Really ??? 

So you think that fish oil did'nt put me in this state of High restlessness yesterday morning ?

I really felt like it was activating me too much.

 

I'm too scared of ruining my evening if I take a second capsule this afternoon. My evenings and bedtimes are generally easier for me, I really need them because I use them To redo the stock of hope  😉

I may try tomorrow To take a second capsule at noon as you suggest .

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Sassenach

I always say listen to your body.

If that is what you feel , go along with it.

No point in creating aniety for yourself🤗

If you feel ok over the weekend I could do with some help clarifying a drug signature.

Enjoy your better day.

Pleased for you.

 

Sass

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Erell

I Will see how I Feel tomorrow and then see if I give a try To a second capsule of fish oil 😉

 

With which signature would you like some help ? I'd be pleased To help.

 

Thank you Sass :)

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Sassenach

Will get back to you later

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Sassenach

 

 

 

29 july 2018: xanax 0,125 x2 -12 august: xanax 0,25 x 2 - 28 august veratran 5x2

4 october-->24 october :Prazepam gouttes 10,10,15 -->7,7,13 - 25 october :Prazepam 20,20,20 (stabilisation)

21 november 5% : 19x3  : I held there because of Ad's adverse reactions.

10 december-18 february 2019 : tappered  2%/21 To  avoid benzo tolerancy : 17,52x3

19 february--> 30 march : 15,66x3: tappered benzo because it overdrugged me, and tappered Ad (5% then 3%)

31 march--11 may : 2℅/21 j : 15,04x3

12 may-31 july: 3%/7j-->5%/8j then I held: 10,29x3 : tappered again because I stopped tappering the AD.

1 August-->26 septembre : 2%21 with twice on  3%/7j because I felt overdrugged  ( maybe I misinterprated the fact that I was really tired?) 9,29x3 -

27 september : 9,50

9th Oct Prazepam 4,75 mg 3 times a day, at 9 a.m., 3 p.m., and 9 p.m

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