Erell: struggling with paroxetine

[sunnysideup69]

Glad your day was a bit easier today and thank you for all your encouragement on my thread. It's awful that other people suffer from these meds, but also good to know other people understand. I'm back in my cave and I feel calmer, my home really is my little healing retreat. Watching a lovely sunset  Even after a high anxiety day, I can still find the beauty in the sunset. Rest well xxx

[Sassenach]

39 minutes ago, Erell said:

I don't understand, can you explain?

I was asking what is the other goal. Did not expect you tell us though, secret.

 

Dormez bien

 

Sass

[Giulietta]

Hello darlin' (as southerners in the US often greet each other)

 

I see today was a good day - I am so pleased for you and I am very happy too.  Yes - it is WD normal - and for a while it is different kinds of  'new normal.'

 

5 hours ago, Erell said:

I Feel like I have stones in my belly and in my throat.

 

Yes. I have been having these as well - my upper gut has dull pain. I feel like I have trouble swallowing. I just tell me that this anxiety and relax and it will pass. It is a bit uncomfortable but knowing what is I am much better with it.

 

Glad you had a good visit with your parents. Wasn't it good that they could see you and perhaps feeling better? 

 

Good work on good evening habits to ready yourself for a peaceful and good night's sleep. I may not get to respond to your letter tonight. I was out this morining and now must do some, er, organizing of papers (world's worst job).

 

Big hugs,

 

Giuilietta 💗

[Erell]

Good morning.

 

@Sassenach : hum not sure what you mean but I think I Guess it. Still hard To understand all the subtleties in English!

@Guilietta : yes I'm glad my parents saw me without cries!

 

Diary Tuesday 22 October/ day 28 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

6.30am  : woke up anxious (6)

8am: 10mg Paroxetine/ 1 fish oil capsule 

9am: anxiety (6)/ despair (5)/ restlessness (5).

Bit nauseas.

10am : anxiety (6) / restlessness (6) / despair (5). It Will be the same all day.

4pm : little Spike of despair (6).

6.30pm : anxiety (5) / despair (5) / restlessness (5).

8.30pm: bedtime. 

10pm: anxiety (5)/ despair (4) / restlessness (4)

11pm : anxiety (4) / despair (3) / restlessness (3).

Lights off.

 

I fall asleep between 11.30pm and midnight. Woke up anxious (6) this morning at 6.30am. 

 

 

 

--》 not a window, but a wave a bit easier To surf  🏄‍♀️ especially because my mood is easier !

It was a mixed : no real rift or relief(except in the evening), but no big Spikes. My state stayed pretty consistant all day.

one positive Today: I had appetite! 

 

Well, let's continue To surf this wave 🏄‍♀️ !

[sunnysideup69]

1 minute ago, Erell said:

Good morning.

 

@Sassenach : hum not sure what you mean but I think I Guess it. Still hard To understand all the subtleties in English!

@Guilietta : yes I'm glad my parents saw me without cries!

 

Diary Tuesday 22 October/ day 28 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

6.30am  : woke up anxious (6)

8am: 10mg Paroxetine/ 1 fish oil capsule 

9am: anxiety (6)/ despair (5)/ restlessness (5).

Bit nauseas.

10am : anxiety (6) / restlessness (6) / despair (5). It Will be the same all day.

4pm : little Spike of despair (6).

6.30pm : anxiety (5) / despair (5) / restlessness (5).

8.30pm: bedtime. 

10pm: anxiety (5)/ despair (4) / restlessness (4)

11pm : anxiety (4) / despair (3) / restlessness (3).

Lights off.

 

I fall asleep between 11.30pm and midnight. Woke up anxious (6) this morning at 6.30am. 

 

 

 

--》 not a window, but a wave a bit easier To surf  🏄‍♀️ especially because my mood is easier !

It was a mixed : no real rift or relief(except in the evening), but no big Spikes. My state stayed pretty consistant all day.

 

Well, let's continue To surf this wave 🏄‍♀️ !

Good stuff @Erell, you're doing great! Quite a stable day even with the anxiety and despair there. xxx

[Erell]

@sunnysideup69 : thank you for your support, strongly appreciate. 

[Giulietta]

I bet you are very happy about yesterday's good day yesterday!  Mood and anxiety seem much better - and were interested in eating. 😁

[Erell]

Well actually it is a weird day. Anxiety stayed mostly at 5. And restlessness at 4/5. I should be celebrating. I know it. And I can't.

No joy, no feeling of relief Today: only a strong feeling of Being a stranger in this world. I'm depressed in my flat. I'm depressed outside, seeing all these people living a normal life. I cry because I feel too disconnected of everybody, and jealous.

My daily fighting routine exhaust me psychologically. Like : what is the point To wake up ? Whatever I do or try, it Will still be a day of suffering.

I Feel like i'll never have the keys To be part of this world anymore after 2 months mostly in my flat.

 

I also know that people are feeling worse, are bedbounded. I know I should Feel joy and be grateful with my state. And I can't. It's like if someone had put a hat of sadness on me. And all I can Feel is sadness for all people here : I can't stand the fact that you are all suffering too. 

 

I'm worried about constancy these past few days. I've read somewhere here that stabilisation is when there are no more big swings in symptoms. This is not the stabilisation I expected. I think I could live with 3/4 rate. But not like this. I Feel cut of normal. And unable To be back in this normal. 

 

Don't Feel like you need To reply,  I think I need To vent and it is the only place where I can. Also, I know I already use your time too much. I apologize for Being such a négative person.

[Vegalia]

Coucou Erell,

 

Même sentiment parfois en allant sur Facebook. J'y vais moins d'ailleurs.

Les gens qui peuvent sortir, mettent des photos de vacances avec leurs enfants...

Je me disais ce matin m... Qu'est ce que j'ai fait pour mériter ça, je me contenterais de peu dans la vie pourtant. J'ai pas besoin d'aller au Japon ou à New-York ^^...non juste me sentir un peu mieux et revivre un peu plus normalement, juste un peu moins de souffrances.

 

Puis... Je me suis dit : je suis vivante. J'ai une chance de guérir. Et ça peut pas être la mouise toute la vie quand même.!

 

Normal de te sentir comme ça c'est humain.

 

Voir les souffrances des autres c'est dur aussi.

 

Mais je trouve que tu es une petite lumière, un petit rayon de soleil car très attentionnée. Tu n'enlèves pas la souffrance des gens, mais un peu de baume au coeur, c'est précieux tu ne crois pas?  Et tu es douée pour ça. 

 

Arrête de t'excuser. Oui je radote ! Tu es une bien meilleure personne que tu ne penses j'ai l'impression.

 

Demain est un autre jour. Je ne lâche pas ta main depuis l'Auvergne.

 

Bisous

 

Vega.

 

 

(Erell cuckoo,   Same feeling sometimes by going on Facebook. I go there lessover. People who can go out, put holiday pictures with their children ... I was thinking this morning m ... What I did to deserve that, I would settle for little in life yet. I do not need to go to Japan or New York ^^ ... just not feel a little better and relive a little more normally, just a little less suffering.   Then ... I thought, I'm alive. I have a chance to heal. And it can not be the miser all the life anyway!   Normal to feel like that's human.   Seeing the suffering of others is hard too.   But I think you are a small light, a small ray of sun because very attentive. You do not take away the suffering of people, but a little balm in the heart, it's precious you do not believe? And you're good at it.   Stop apologizing. Yes I drool! You are a much better person than you think I feel.   Tomorrow is another day. I do not let go of your hand from Auvergne.   Kisses   Vega)

 

 

 

 

[Erell]

Merci Vegalia.

But it's hard To believe. I can't stop crying. I'm lost. I don't know anymore if I can stabilize or if I'm just dreaming. 

Tomorrow scares me. Because it Will still be so hard. And over and over. And I Feel like I'm loosing my strenght. 

 

I'm so sorry, I want To believe, and give hope and comfort To everybody. But I don't have this capacity 😢

[Rhiannon]

Well, I know I say the same thing every time, but here it is again: what you are feeling is normal, and all the signs are good.

 

I remember not being able to feel joy. It was my usual state for years, actually, at the beginning, and during the years on the drugs much of the time as well. You don't need to be giving hope and comfort right now, or believing. We can believe for you, for now. 🙂 I find your progress encouraging. It's going to continue to be much slower than you would like, unfortunately. I wish I could change that for you. But all the signs are thumbs up for now.

[Vegalia]

Tu me donnes de l'espoir.

Tu as des moments de désespoir c'est normal, mais cette lumière est toujours en toi.

Tu trouves les mots malgré tout, même si c'est pas tous les jours, tu trouves quand même et c'est une force incroyable.

 

Mes plus belles pensées.

 

On lâche rien, comme tu m'as dit, mais il est tellement humain de craquer de temps en temps.

 

Vega. 

 

(You give me hope. You have moments of despair it's normal, but this light is always in you. You find the words anyway, even if it's not every day, you still find and it's incredible strength. My most beautiful thoughts. We leave nothing, as you told me, but it's so human to crack from time to time. Vega.)

 

[rola]

@Erell

coucou erell 

je vois que tu n'es pas bien aujourd'hui  sache que je pense fort à toi et je suis triste pour toi .tu es une belle personne ,toujours la pour nous aider  ;une personne emplie de belles qualités 

sois positives et surtout ne baisse pas les bras ,la vie est faite de haut et des bas malheureusement .

je t 'embrasse bien fort 

[Erell]

@Rhiannon : I know you always tell me the same things, and I thank you for that. Strongly. Because as you said I need someone To believe. Right now I can't. 

I think I'm facing a huge Spike of despair. Keep reading your wisdom, and all thé kind words that are written on my thread. but I don't manage To Feel hope this evening. 

Yes it is slow. Don't apologize, you're one of my lights in this nightmare. And I know you can't do anything. No one can't. I don't Feel suicidal, I dont wanna live like this, but I really don't wanna die.

It's just sometimes it is so hard To Feel hope. 

I'm so sorry.

 

[Erell]

@Vegalia et @rola : vous êtes adorables. ❤ j'aimerais tant être assez fortes pour vous envoyer de la lumière plutôt que de vous transmettre toute cette noirceur. Je vous embrasse. 

[Vegalia]

@Erell

 

Mais tu l'as déjà fait et tu le referas.

Chacun son tour.

 

Vega

[Sassenach]

Bonjour Erell

2 hours ago, Erell said:

Well actually it is a weird day. Anxiety stayed mostly at 5. And restlessness at 4/5. I should be celebrating. I know it.

Yes you should be celebrating but you can't because of this.

derealization-or-depersonalization-dr-and-dp/

and yes we all go though it along with Anhedonia.

In other word W/D normal.

2 hours ago, Erell said:

I' m worried about constancy these past few days. I've read somewhere here that stabilisation is when there are no more big swings in symptoms. This is not the stabilisation I expected. I think I could live with 3/4 rate. But not like this. I Feel cut of normal. And unable To be back in this normal. 

That is correct but first you experience the full range of symptoms, after that your brain starts to rebuild and slowly the waves flatten.

 

45 minutes ago, Erell said:

Tomorrow scares me. Because it Will still be so hard. And over and over. And I Feel like I'm loosing my strenght. 

 

You do not know what tomorrow will bring, you could wake up feeling like yesterday.

It's an adventure that needs AAF.

2 hours ago, Erell said:

 I apologize for Being such a négative person.

Stop apologising, on your good days you are helping others.

Don't know if this saying is used in France.

What goes around, comes around, ie we all look after each other.

58 minutes ago, Vegalia said:

Erell cuckoo,   Same feeling sometimes by going on Facebook. I go there lessover. People who can go out, put holiday pictures with their children ... I was thinking this morning m ... What I did to deserve that, I would settle for little in life yet. I do not need to go to Japan or New York ^^ ... just not feel a little better and relive a little more normally, just a little less suffering.   Then ... I thought, I'm alive. I have a chance to heal. And it can not be the miser all the life anyway!   Normal to feel like that's human.   Seeing the suffering of others is hard too.   But I think you are a small light, a small ray of sun because very attentive. You do not take away the suffering of people, but a little balm in the heart, it's precious you do not believe? And you're good at it.   Stop apologizing. Yes I drool! You are a much better person than you think I feel.   Tomorrow is another day. I do not let go of your hand from Auvergne.   Kisses   Vega)

Beautifully said Vega.

You are getting better🤗

 

Sass

 

 

[Erell]

@Sassenach : first, thank you. I know how busy you are here.

Everytime I read you, it helps me calm down.

I know I have To learn To calm down myself. I'm trying a lot of tips. But it doesn't always work, especially when the émotion comes in a such violent wave and explode. I thought I would get used To this intensity, but no. It is like a terror, but a despair one.

Plus, I'm used To calmer evenings.

And this strong feeling of "everything Will get worse and you Will never Feel Well again" is the one with wich I really struggle for AAF.

 

Well at least I'm not worried about constancy now I know that my émotions can still get so extrême.

 

We look after each others : thank you for looking after me. 

And, most of all  : a big, huge thank you for your last sentence " You are getting better". I'm so unable To see the big picture tonight, it is incredibly important To read this To try To not drown  ❤

 

Have a Nice evening Sass.

 

(Actually I can Feel hope : hoping you're doing ok and that all your work here doesn't impact your mood.)

[Erell]

Good morning. 

 

Diary day 29 on 10mg Paroxetine  / 23 October 

 

6.30am: woke up anxious (6)

7.30am: Tinnitus. Anxiety (6) / despair (5)/ restlessness (5).

8am : 10mg Paroxetine  + 1 fish oil capsule. Feeling sick, flu.

10am : feeling flu, cold (It Will last all morning). Anxiety (5) / despair (5) / restlessness (5).

12 : left arm pain, like if had carried tons. Anxiety (5) / despair (6) / restlessness (5).

3pm : Spike of despair (7). Cry. Everything seems meaningless. 

4pm: anxiety (5) / despair (6) / restlessness (4).Feel highly disconnected. 

5pm despair (7). Scary because I feel like I loose my strenght and my wish To live a normal life. Can't Feel desire.

6pm : try a lot of distractions. Despair at 8. Don't know if it is despair, anhedonia or mental restlessness. 

Feeling like I'm loosing my mind.

6.30pm: suicidal thoughts. Crying.

7.15pm : despair still at 8, but stop crying. Bedtime, don't know what else To do. Tinnitus. Anxiety (5) / restlessness (5).

8pm : despair (6) / anxiety (5) / restlessness (5). Tinnitus. 

11pm : despair (5) / anxiety (5) / restlessness (3).

Lights off. 

I might fall asleep around 11.30pm. 

woke up anxious (6) this morning at 6.30am. 

 

 

 

---》 Well, you already know it, yesterday was hard. The intrusive thoughts saying " I don't wanna wake up tomorrow, I won't handle anymore " was scary and so strong. 

it's been one month now of holding 10mg. I know it is not so much. This is so hard, I pray for a window.

 

--》 I know I post a lot everyday, is it ok ?

[Cocopuffz17]

3 minutes ago, Erell said:

Good morning. 

 

Diary day 29 on 10mg Paroxetine  / 23 October 

 

6.30am: woke up anxious (6)

7.30am: Tinnitus. Anxiety (6) / despair (5)/ restlessness (5).

8am : 10mg Paroxetine  + 1 fish oil capsule. Feeling sick, flu.

10am : feeling flu, cold (It Will last all morning). Anxiety (5) / despair (5) / restlessness (5).

12 : left arm pain, like if had carried tons. Anxiety (5) / despair (6) / restlessness (5).

3pm : Spike of despair (7). Cry. Everything seems meaningless. 

4pm: anxiety (5) / despair (6) / restlessness (4).Feel highly disconnected. 

5pm despair (7). Scary because I feel like I loose my strenght and my wish To live a normal life. Can't Feel desire.

6pm : try a lot of distractions. Despair at 8. Don't know if it is despair, anhedonia or mental restlessness. 

Feeling like I'm loosing my mind.

6.30pm: suicidal thoughts. Crying.

7.15pm : despair still at 8, but stop crying. Bedtime, don't know what else To do. Tinnitus. Anxiety (5) / restlessness (5).

8pm : despair (6) / anxiety (5) / restlessness (5). Tinnitus. 

11pm : despair (5) / anxiety (5) / restlessness (3).

Lights off. 

I might fall asleep around 11.30pm. 

woke up anxious (6) this morning at 6.30am. 

 

 

 

---》 Well, you already know it, yesterday was hard. The intrusive thoughts saying " I don't wanna wake up tomorrow, I won't handle anymore " was scary and so strong. 

it's been one month now of holding 10mg. I know it is not so much. This is so hard, I pray for a window.

 

--》 I know I post a lot everyday, is it ok ?

It is completely fine to post. It gets it off your chest. I know exactly how you feel. It will pass. I felt the exact same way. Be strong. Remember everyday that passes is one day closer to being healed ! 

[sunnysideup69]

It will pass Erell, am also in a wave at the moment. It's really hard, I know. But we WILL heal, we will get there. A window will come for you. Message any time today, if you need, I'm gonna be resting at home all day.

[Erell]

Thank you @sunnysideup69 !

I'm reading success stories, trying To get comfort. Not easy because it is mostly recoveries from CT's. 

Sometimes it is really hard To accept that Im in such a misérable state : I did'nt do a CT ! How can I Feel like if I had ? 

The main explaination to me is that I messed up with suppléments. 

But I know that acceptance is thé only way. Still struggling with this. 

 

Plus my calculations are wrong

I was hoping for a window after calculating the time between my Windows. But still in a wave !

I reread my diaries and it is incredible To read that on 2nd October I experienced anxiety and despair at 3/4 rate during the day 😮  

Reading this is a proof I can Feel that way...yet my mind doesn't believe it Will happen again ! 

 

Today is hard, hard To leave my bed, too much anxiety and despair. 

I try To tell myself that in a month I Will Feel better.

 

I know you're also in a wave and I send you all my support!

[sunnysideup69]

1 minute ago, Erell said:

Thank you @sunnysideup69 !

I'm reading success stories, trying To get comfort. Not easy because it is mostly recoveries from CT's. 

Sometimes it is really hard To accept that Im in such a misérable state : I did'nt do a CT ! How can I Feel like if I had ?

But I know that acceptance is thé only way. Still struggling with this. 

 

Plus my calculations are wrong

I was hoping for a window after calculating the time between my Windows. But still in a wave !

I reread my diaries and it is incredible To read that on 2nd October I experienced anxiety and despair at 3/4 rate during the day 😮  

Reading this is a proof I can Feel that way...yet my mind doesn't believe it Will happen again ! 

 

I know you're also in a wave and I send you all my support!

We can and we will feel good again. I totally understand and empathise with how you feel. And you are right, acceptance is the only way. I think we all struggle with acceptance. When I feel well, I accept my condition. In a wave, I'm so angry about it...so, for me, acceptance comes and goes. Have to keep practicing it.

 

Be gentle and kind to yourself today, sending you a gentle hug, wave-buddy

Windows are coming.

[Giulietta]

Hello sweet Erell,

 

Sorry you are having a bad day. 🙁 

 

All the sentiments expressed are true. You are in a 'wave' and it won't last. You have had recent improvements. It is part of the recovery pattern..

 

It's part of getting better. We all 'mess up' with medications or supplements. We did that because we didn't know any better (but now we will ldo better with the next medicine) - and were not told any differently. Don't abuse yourself for that. Don't treat yourself poorly.

 

36 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

acceptance comes and goes. Have to keep practicing it.

 

Good point! This is an opporutnity to keep practicing acceptance. I think I said separately that 'suffering' teaches us compassion. We need to learn and practice to ourselves. This is an opportunity for that.

 

I'm very angry too.

 

Hugs,

 

Giuilietta 🤗

 

 

[Erell]

Hi dear !

Well, Today is day 7 of this bad wave, I pray for a window

 

It is hard not To treat myself poorly : I wouldn't be in this state if I hadn't mess up. But I agree with you  : regrets can't help To heal

I know that this journey Will make me a better person. 

 

Big hugs To you ❤

[Erell]

So, I tried to analyse my situation :

 

--》 I'm wondering about an updose : for example I saw that you @Sassenach you updosed after one week because you didn't see any changes. I also read that altostrata and Brassmonkey just adviced an updose To emdb.

I'm not saying that I wanna change my dose, every change scares me.

But I try to understand why sometimes an updose is a good idea and sometimes not.

 

---》 I try To understand why I have the feeling that I'm getting worse:

- I read that people usually have ups and downs during their wave days. It feels weird that in my case I have the same intensity of symptoms all day.

- there are symptoms that are new since October (did'nt expérience them in September) : suicidal thoughts, anhedonia, tinnitus.

- windows  : the one on 2 and 3 October was easier than the one on 12 and 13 October. And then last window on 17 October lasted only afternoon and evening.

- if not worse, it feels stuck : when I read my diaries I Feel like I'm in the same state that 1st October,  or 9 October, for example.

 

 

To cope I try To tell me that I Feel stuck because any changes is very small and slow. And try To tell myself that I must trust my body.

 

Maybe I shouldnt analyse so much. I think my lonelyness lead me To this. 

 

I wish you all a delightful day. Your are my heroes, I don't know how you all cope so Well! ❤

[sunnysideup69]

1 minute ago, Erell said:

Hi dear !

Well, Today is day 7 of this bad wave, I pray for a window

 

It is hard not To treat myself poorly : I wouldn't be in this state if I hadn't mess up. But I agree with you  : regrets can't help To heal

I know that this journey Will make me a better person. 

 

Big hugs To you ❤

Now you see THIS is why I strongly disagree when you say you are negative. This is a really positive approach to adversity x

[Sassenach]

Hi Erell

 

I am sorry you are having such a tough time.

I will ask for a second opinion on a potential updose.

 

Sass

[Erell]

I'm sorry too..Today was really hard : anxiety, internal and external tremors, no appetite at all, weird feelings in my head...It felt like I was back To one month ago. I pray for a window.

 

I thank you for the second opinion. But I don't know what answer I hope..I'm not even sure I want To updose, scared of making things worse. 

 

I know that Rhiannon thinks everything is normal and not getting worse, and that I Will stabilise so I try To convince myself that I Will.

 

Hope at least you are doing well 😙

[Rhiannon]

I know it's tough, but remember, it's still very early days. At this point in time I would expect to see exactly the kind of thing you are seeing. 

 

I am going to be honest with you here: You did a lot of up and down changing of doses in August and September. That was very recently. It's really very normal to be unstable for a while after doses have been switched around, especially if you were already in withdrawal to begin with, which you were. If your signature is correct, it has been only a month since the last time you bumped your dose up a little and then back down a little. 

 

- 22nd August updosing To 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

- 4th Sept. : updosing To 12mg 

- 5th Sept : back to 10mg

- 6th Sept : start hypericum 900mg and rhodiola, magnésium and Bvitamins, éleutherocoque. 

- 21st Sept : add saffron, l-tryptophane, probiotics, lemon balm, ...trying To get better.

- 23 Sept: updosing To 15 mg of Deroxat and stopped all suppléments.

- 25th sept : back to 10mg and holding

 

I don't feel optimistic that you would get a good result from doing that again. In your case my intuition is saying strongly that what you need is stability, that you need to stay on a single dose of med, same time every day, and focus on non-drug approaches to support your nervous system while it settles down and heals.

 

The moderators may feel differently, and they do have more experience with the ins and outs of reinstatements than I do, so if there is a consensus among the moderator team that you should try an updose, then you should. 

 

I am just saying what I think. I have been saying from the beginning that the early months are rough, until you stabilize. You are still very much in those early months. Your last bump up and back down in dose was only a month ago, so that is when your "stabilizing" clock starts.  You are already clearly better and more stable than you were then, which is a very good sign. It is generally a matter of three to six months before people begin to settle down and really get windows regularly. You are actually doing very well for this early in the process.

 

If It were up to me, I would say, stay at the same dose, keep all your meds as stable and consistent in dosing and timing as you can, and really focus on the nondrug things that you have found to be helpful. Push yourself a little, to get outside every day, to get a bit of gentle exercise, to talk to friends and family either in person or on the phone at least a couple of times a day. Be gentle to your body. Let the bad thoughts wash through like waves from a stormy sea. They are not the truth, they are just symptoms of withdrawal.

 

See what the moderators say. Hugs to you

 

--Rhiannon

 

 

[Sassenach]

Listen to the voice of wisdom above Erell🤗

Oh, I don't mean me, but Rhi of course.

 

Sass

[Erell]

Rhiannon, 

 

I have strong respect for your wisdom and intuition. 

You're right, I've made ups and downs,  you can't imagine how I regret! I didn't know people could be in a such miserable state. I underestimated the difficulty of AD WD as I tappered without symptoms during one year and half.

It's a tough daily fight for not going crazy. I often wonder  : what do other people in acute WD do ? How do they occupy their day ? 

 

I Will do exactly what is told me here. 

 

It is just hard To imagine living with this intensity of symptoms during 3 To 6 months like you said. I realise that I don't have any other choice, I réalise that I'm in early days. The idea of next months scares me. So much.

 

I know I'm annoying. I can only thank you strongly for sharing regularly your wisdom with me. And blessing altostrata for creating this forum. 

 

[Erell]

@Sassenach : you are a lighthouse ❤

[Superwoman]

Hi Erell,

 

Sorry you are not feeling well. It is good to have a community of people here who understand what we are going through.  No one understands unless they go through it. 
 

Take Care,

 

Superwoman

[Altostrata]

Erell, a day or so ago, you had symptoms of flu, how are you feeling now?

 

Are you taking paroxetine at the same time each day? In what form do you take it, a capsule or liquid?

[Giulietta]

Coucou Erell,

 

I wish I was at your flat to bring flowers 🌹, fix something nice to eat, 🥐  and give you a big hug. 🤗 But I am not in Brittany so consider this a virtual hug. I wish I was there to help you through this.

 

It is hard to stay the course with your dosage and I know you feel terrible and want to improve your situation - even a bit. When I felt really bad in early times -  I would increase and decrease doses  frequently because  I was trying to improve how I felt. My nervous system didn't have a chance to adjust to all these changes. I didn't feel any better with any of my changes.  I probably made things worse. 🤕

 

It takes a lot of courage to stay the course particularly when going through WD. You are very strong woman to be coping with this.

 

6 hours ago, Erell said:

what do other people in acute WD do ? How do they occupy their day ? 

 

I tried to live as much of a daily routine as I could. This helped with stability. I wasn't always able to do this but it was a goal.  Things that helped me were being outside, being in the sun, and when I felt OK  being around other people. Focusing my mind on something helped. I worked about 8 hours a week from home - broken up over days when I felt OK. I looked forward to it because I had to focus on it. It helped quiet my mind. 

 

If knitting or crochet interests you - you can learn on youtube. It is almost winter so you can knit a scarf.

 

Things that did not serve me well: spending too much time on the computer. I spent too much time reading about WD and health things. This leads to over analyzing things - which fuels anxiety.

 

7 hours ago, Erell said:

I know I'm annoying.

 

Not in the least.    We all feel terrible for you. All of us on this forum are going through this - in one phase or another - so even if our friends outside of SA don't understand - we do. You are not alone.

 

Well - time to say goodbye - so with a big hug

 

Giuilietta💗