Erell: struggling with paroxetine

[Erell]

6 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Erell, a day or so ago, you had symptoms of flu, how are you feeling now?

 

Are you taking paroxetine at the same time each day? In what form do you take it, a capsule or liquid?

 

Hello Altostrata, 

- symptoms of flu only lasted one morning. It felt like a real cold, but apparently just a new WD symptom.

- I take 10mg Paroxetine at 8am everyday. It's a liquid. 

 

Have a great day.(Thank you!)

[Erell]

Diary 24 October/ day 30 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

6.30am: woke up anxious (6). Arms are painfull.

8am : 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule. Anxiety : 6 / restlessness:6 / despair (6).

It Will be the same all morning.

11am : quick suicidal thoughts. 

2pm : despair  : 7. Feel lonely and stuck. No desire.

3pm : anxiety: 6 / despair: 6 / restlessness: 6.

5pm : same, with other symptoms  : internal and external tremors, felt really tense, clenching teeth,  dizziness.

6.30pm: same + headache + weird feelings ( like if someone was clamping a nerve From the below of my neck To the top of my head. No painfull, just really weird.)

8pm : bedtime. Headache and tremors. 

anxiety: 6 / despair: 6 / restlessness:6.

10pm : anxiety (5) / despair (6) / restlessness (6).

10.40pm: hungry, eat some.

11pm : lights off. I fall asleep around midnight.

 

woke up anxious(6) at 6.30am.

 

---》 I know i should push, but yesterday I didn't find the courage. So I spent my day in my flat, mostly in my bed. I did'nt eat in the day, didn't find the courage. 

--》 still in a bad wave my friends, trying To cope.

--》 Today, it's been one month on 10mg Paroxetine. Let's hope for a better next month !

 

One question  : in France, we Will change Time this Sunday. This Sunday at 3am, we Will move back To 2am. Can I still take my Paroxetine at 8am even if it Will be an hour later?

I can't remember how I did during my benzo WD..

 

Have a great day.

[sunnysideup69]

Quote

 

Need to note this; at the weekend in the UK, the clocks go back an hour. I've never worried about this before, but I know Venlafaxine can be a bit difficult if taken late.

 

Wondering whether I should still continue to take my Ven at 7am (which in fact will be 8am old time)? It's an hour's difference. However, as I'm taking the extended release version, am hoping this time glitch won't cause too many problems.

Also, if I adjusted according to movement of clock, it would mean taking it at 6am, which is too flippin early.

Ugh. Hope this won't affect me.

[sunnysideup69]

@Erell, so sorry, accidentally posted my post for my thread on your thread......brain fog! Oh dear. But it seems you and I have the same question about timing, what with the upcoming clock adjustment....

[sunnysideup69]

Hang in there, @Erell,

This too shall pass. And hopefully, when it does, your baseline may have improved a bit. Sending lots of love and hugs from a very grey London xxxxx

[Sassenach]

Hi Erell & @Sunnysideup

 

We recommend moving doses by no more than one hour so you should be ok.

If you are at all worried move by 30minutes, continue for three days and if no effects move by further 30 minutes.

 

Sass

[Giulietta]

Coucou Erell

 

Thinking of you and hope your day is brighter than yesterday's. Sending positive thoughts and hugs to you.

 

Giuilietta,

💗

 

[Erell]

Hi @Sassenach : Thank you for your reply on this time change !

 

Guilietta : 😙

[sunnysideup69]

Thank you @Sassenach!

[Sassenach]

Hi Erell

 

How has today progressed?

 

Sass

[Erell]

Hi dear Sass!

 

8 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

How has today progressed?

 

You know it was a bit easier because I did'nt post thousands messages here ? 😄😉

 

Today my symptoms oscillated between 5 and 6, and I managed To eat (having appetite is always a relief because i've lost a lot of weight and loose my jeans 😮). 

 

Not a window but a wave a bit easier To surf Today 🏄‍♀️

 

I've noticed that when my symptoms don't go over 5 rate,  I manage To not spend my entire day on SA and don't bother you with my fears. Everytime I get To despair at 6 or more, I get totally overwhelmed and loose my mind. 

This is a misérable symptom : I Feel sadness but it is a 'rationnal' sadness, one that I can manage when I Feel sad about my situation. But the symptom of despair that I expérience feels différent, totally irrationnal, totally overwhelming.

 

Oups I get talkative here !

 

Hope it Will get better and i'll be able To post less messages here and just support others!

 

I think of you Sass, and send you lot of support in your holding journey 🤗

[Sassenach]

Bonsoir Erell

 

55 minutes ago, Erell said:

i've lost a lot of weight and loose my jeans 😮). 

I don't understand you ladies. You complain you put on weight, you complain when you weight👿

I love your sense of humour is back, good sign.

57 minutes ago, Erell said:

I get totally overwhelmed and loose my mind.

You are still totaly sane.

 

58 minutes ago, Erell said:

This is a misérable symptom : I Feel sadness but it is a 'rationnal' sadness, one that I can manage when I Feel sad about my situation. But the symptom of despair that I expérience feels différent, totally irrationnal, totally overwhelming.

But it will pass like all the others and one day be a distant memory.

You are so much calmer than a couple of weeks ago.

Big Hugs from a frosty Scotland🤗

 

Sass

[Erell]

Thank you for telling me I'm much calmer : I already said this but, as I live alone in this acute WD, it is so valuable To have external opinion! 

Thank you also To say that I'm totally sane !

 

Weird how at 5 rate I can work on acceptance! It really feels like an other person write here sometimes 😮

 

 

Can't thank you enough for holding my hand in this process, so I Will just take your big hugs and give you big hugs from a sweet but windy Brittany 🤗

[mustafa]

Hi erell, 

Long time since I wrote to you the last time . How are you!?, I hope you are very well. 

I think you will reach a state that you will still suffer but you will be able to practise your everyday activities and I think it will be soon. 

Write to you and iam depersonalized and weired but still survive.

Good night to you .

[Altostrata]

Erell, since you've been taking 10mg paroxetine for a month, you might go up to 11mg and see what that does.

 

Or, you could add 1mg fluoxetine or citalopram and prepare for a switch to another SSRI to complete your taper. Paroxetine can be very, very difficult to go off.

[Erell]

Hi @Altostrata

 

I thank you for your time. 

Your suggestion is a bit worrying me : so you don't think I can stabilize on 10mg?

I'm really afraid of making things worse by making a new change. 

Updosing To 11mg : is it something that you would do or you are just showing me what are my options ?

Does it means that I can't stabilize on 10mg?

 

I've read the topic about prozac bridge and saw that it is much likely To work if someone is stabilised, which I'm not. 

 

Anyway,thank you for your reply. I have To think about it, which is hard in these times of acute WD. 

[Erell]

Diary 25 October / day 31 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

6.30am: woke up anxious (6)

7.30am: anxiety (6) / restlessness (5) / despair (6)

8am : 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

9am : anxiety (6) / restlessness (6) / despair (6)

11am : back To my flat after going To the sea. À bit méditation. 

anxiety (5) / despair (5) / restlessness (5). 

11.30am: anxiety (6) / despair (6) / restlessness (6)

12.30am : felt like if the sky lighten with a fresh air in my arms and legs. So Nice.

anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5

It Will last until 2.30pm. 

I made use of this state To go outside : went To the sea, To walk.

3.30pm : despair: 6 / anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 6

5pm : despair: 6 / restlessness: 6 / anxiety:6

7.45pm : exhausted,  go To bed.

Anxiety  : 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 4

10pm : same.

11pm: anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 4 / despair: 4

 

 

This night: I fall asleep around midnight, woke up anxious at 7am ,then slight anxious sleep until 8am. 

 

 

--》 So yesterday was a wave a bit easier To surf  🏄‍♀️ + I didn't cry and had more appetite. 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Good morning from London, it's so cloudy and dull here today, but the leaves look beautiful on the trees outside my window. How are you doing this morning?

 

[Erell]

Hi @sunnysideup69

 

Thank you for passing by here !

 

I have To admit I'm not doing Well this morning : I just read Altostrata's post and I'm terrified  : I don't know if that  means I can't stabilize on 10mg, if staying on 10mg means I Will always live in this state. And I'm so afraid of what an updose could do.

Rhiannon told me To stay stable and now I don't know anymore. 

 

Sorry for all these anxiety.

[sunnysideup69]

7 minutes ago, Erell said:

Hi @sunnysideup69

 

Thank you for passing by here !

 

I have To admit I'm not doing Well this morning : I just read Altostrata's post and I'm terrified  : I don't know if that  means I can't stabilize on 10mg, if staying on 10mg means I Will always live in this state. And I'm so afraid of what an updose could do.

Rhiannon told me To stay stable and now I don't know anymore. 

 

Sorry for all these anxiety.

Don't need to apologise, I just read the post. 

Obviously I'm not Alto and I'm sure she'll come back to you. 

I read the post in this way. No, it DOESN'T mean you won't stabilise on 10mg. However, adding an extra 1mg might give you some better symptom relief. Sooner. I don't think it means you won't stabilise at 10mg at all, I think that's your anxious brain catastrophising the meaning (I know that feeling very well.) You won't always live in this state. 

 

Sending gentle hugs xxx

[Erell]

Yes obviously my mind is catastrophizing. Since Rhiannon's post I was hard on working on believing the fact that all my brain needed was stability.

Now I'm anxious because I don't know what is my best option, updose at 11mg or keep on holding at 10mg.

 

Nobody can predict what would an updose do...So, if it is sure that I can stabilize on 10mg, I Guess that is maybe my best option...

Altostrata, if you agree To answer, do you think my best option is To hold ?

 

Honestly I pray for a window, it would help me To believe that holding is my best choice.

 

All I want is Being able To thank my old self in a few months...

[Giulietta]

Coucou Erell,

 

I read all the posts and I understand your anxiety about this. We are all anxious about our medication. I think Alto and others understand too - it's a difficult path everyone is going through. It's worse for us when we are in a bad wave.

 

4 hours ago, Erell said:

Now I'm anxious because I don't know what is my best option, updose at 11mg or keep on holding at 10mg.

 

Nobody can predict what would an updose do...So, if it is sure that I can stabilize on 10mg, I Guess that is maybe my best option...

 

I agree wtih @sunnysideup69comments. Your response to Alto is well considered and you did your research. I think perhaps  Alto will respond to  you. 

 

What if'ing and catastropizing - negative thinking - make things harder on us. You are getting better at not doinig these things (we are all learning) - so that is huge!

 

It took me weeks to decide about beads  and would it increase my dose and make WD worse? Or would it be too low and make WD worse. With everyone's help an dpatience I decided on a dose. It was really hard to arrive at. But a plan has been made. 

 

Hugs,

Giuilietta💓

 

 

 

[Passionlifetime]

On 10/24/2019 at 11:38 PM, Superwoman said:

No one understands unless they go through it. 

You are absolutely correct.

[Rhiannon]

Erell, I am about to jump into my car and drive 90 minutes to the city where I will go to a French conversation meetup, je pense a toi! 🙂 

My younger daughter fell ill and will not be able to come this weekend, but I will get to play with the petit-fille tonight, at least. I will be back here Sunday night or Monday, have a nice weekend cherie!

[Erell]

Oh @Rhiannon ! A French conversation meetup ! Tu me raconteras comment ça s'est passé 😉 Is it with French people or American people learning French ?

 

Bon week-end très chère Rhiannon, I wish you sweet times with your petite-fille ❤

[Melissa5000]

Erell I read your posts. I had the same sort of struggle last night!

 

I decided to stabilize. If I were you, I would not go up in dose again. Later you have to drop back from 11 to 10 mg again. You have allready suffered the worst withdrawals now. 

With time and patience you wil stabilize on 10 mg by holding. Updosing to 11 mg might mess you up (but it doesn't have to happen). Maybe an updose will give you some quick relief. If you can't wait that would be a short term fix. But if you have time I would just ride it out! 

 

I am very sure you and I will stabilize by just holding and waiting. If you have time I would just hold. 

 

 

[Markolo1980]

@Erell my opinion is you are jumping to much updosing and back. Im on 20mg since june and have been on a roller coaster for the past 4 months. But happily I can say that last 2 days were shown much more improvement. Im planing to stay on this dose until March. Than slowly I’ll reduce 10% as suggested on this forum. Hope it works. If you need any information just write to me, cause I really had all possible symptoms....

[Altostrata]

13 hours ago, Erell said:

Updosing To 11mg : is it something that you would do or you are just showing me what are my options ?

Does it means that I can't stabilize on 10mg?

 

Those are options. You have asked whether you should updose. Not being able to tell the future, I can't say for sure what you should do.

 

13 hours ago, Erell said:

 

I've read the topic about prozac bridge and saw that it is much likely To work if someone is stabilised, which I'm not. 

 

 

No, the fluoxetine switch is used when someone is having a lot of trouble going off paroxetine and other drugs, not necessarily when they're stable.

[mustafa]

Hi erell, 

I understand your fear from updosing to 11 mg again and I think all what you need is more patience to stabilize on 10 mg. I also understand your fear from being on another ssri, all of us hope it goes safely and don't try another type of ADs but don't be afraid if that was the option; I suffered the WDs for different drugs like fluvoxamine maleate, sertraline and vortioexitine, they all get improved towards getting yourself back. I were having ADs and TCAS together and my brain could get rid off these mixings; I want to tell you that your brain will heal whatever the drug you are having.

Make your option without any fears.

 

 

[Giulietta]

Coucou Erell,

 

Everyone has made comments that have great merit. We must all make our own decisions based on the  advice on SA or the medical advice in an MD office. It is confusing and a lot of anxiety when you don't know how to reconcile different perspectives and you don't feel well and mind is not thinking as clearly as usual.

 

I would hold at 10 mg for now. You have made 5 changes in 2 months - the last one of which was more than 33%. I don't konw how 1 mg would help. Your body needs to recover without any more changes.

 

There is a huge amount of anxiety around making a decision on these medicines. 

 

I sent you another long letter.

 

Hugs,

 

Giuilietta💗

[Erell]

Thank you all for sharing your wisdom with me. ❤

I make a décision: holding on 10mg Paroxetine and try To stabilize. When i'll Feel stabilized,  I Will reconsider a switch.

 

I've realised that I asked about an updose because I'm somewhat searching for a miracle solution. I have To accept there's no such solution and that every option would take time, only time.

As Altostrata said, I'm looking for someone who could predict the future or offer me a miracle which would act quick, but no one can. And I have To accept that : this is a big challenge, and I do my best.

 

This really is a rollercoaster, especially with so intense emotionnal symptoms. I try my best To stay strong.

 

I really appreciate that you all took the time to show me support. I wish you all a pleasant day, hugs from a rainy Brittany. 

[sunnysideup69]

1 hour ago, Erell said:

Thank you all for sharing your wisdom with me. ❤

I make a décision: holding on 10mg Paroxetine and try To stabilize. When i'll Feel stabilized,  I Will reconsider a switch.

 

I've realised that I asked about an updose because I'm somewhat searching for a miracle solution. I have To accept there's no such solution and that every option would take time, only time.

As Altostrata said, I'm looking for someone who could predict the future or offer me a miracle which would act quick, but no one can. And I have To accept that : this is a big challenge, and I do my best.

 

This really is a rollercoaster, especially with so intense emotionnal symptoms. I try my best To stay strong.

 

I really appreciate that you all took the time to show me support. I wish you all a pleasant day, hugs from a rainy Brittany. 

 

Hey Erell, I think 'looking for the miracle' is something a lot of us have done. It lead me to updose, and also to switch antidep......

 

I think the hardest thing to get to grips with is the fact that this can take time. It has been for me. There isn't likely to be a shortcut.

 

I was chatting to a friend the other day, saying that I'm bored at the moment as I don't have a creative project on the go......I was reflecting yesterday that actually, I do. I'm having to learn things that I never learned as a small child, because I wasn't taught how to self soothe. This is a HUGE project!

How are you finding the time adjustment today? So far, it hasn't affected me at all....

Sending you hugs and good wishes x

[Erell]

Hi Sunny!

 

Yes this is a huge project, a project for a all life !  I try To learn To, with méditation for example, but it's hard To practice when too anxious.

 

Yes and I think that my "looking for a miracle " attitude is all the more intense because I'm now in day 10 of my wave : waves lead us To doubts and non-acceptance. I'm good at accepting when I'm in a window...;)

 

glad To read the time adjustment didn't affect you! Honestly, I try To not think about it, don't wanna add fears To my constant fear

 

have a pleasant day sweet Sunny 😚

 

[Erell]

Diary Saturday 26 October/ day 32 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

7am : woke up anxious (6).slight anxious sleep until 8am 

8am : 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

9am : anxiety: 6 / despair: 6 / restlessness: 6

10am : went To the sea. Can't Feel joy about it, felt totally disconnected. 

12: anxiety : 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair:6

2.30pm : anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 6 / despair: 6

5pm : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

(Actually, from one minute To another, despair oscillate between 5 and 6).

6pm : feeling of a 'fresh air' in my legs, so Nice! It Will last 30minutes.

7pm : anxiety: 6 / despair: 6 / restlessness  : 6.

8pm : bedtime. 

10pm  : tinnitus. Anxiety: 5 / despair: 5 / restlessness: 4.

 

Lights off at 11.30pm. Fall asleep around midnight. Woke up anxious at 5.30am, then slight anxious sleep until 6.30am. ( clock +1 this night)

 

--》 no appetite yesterday. Tried To force myself a bit.

--》 with mild anxiety, I should Feel joy,  but can't.  Probably anhedonia or DR.

 

still in the wave (day 10 today), still trying To learn surfing 🏄‍♀️

[Sassenach]

Hi Erell

 

Sorry have not been by, but here now.

10 hours ago, Erell said:

still in the wave (day 10 today), still trying To learn surfing 🏄‍♀️

You may be in a wave but all the numbers are below your threshold of 7.

10 hours ago, Erell said:

with mild anxiety, I should Feel joy,  but can't.  Probably anhedonia or DR.

You should be able but you know it is the symptoms, you can and will feel better.

I believe you made the right decision.

The irony is you are the only one who cannot see how much calmer you are now.

I know you are still hurting but if you could achieve AAF now you would find your recovery easier.

Very sunny, very cold but beautiful here today.

A few months ago beauty totally escaped me.

Bonsoir ma chere.

 

Sass

 

[Erell]

My dear Sass

 

Don't apologize : you already do so much here !

I was not here this afternoon either : maybe a ridiculous goal but my goal Today was To not spend my entire day on SA and try To be less obsessed with WD. Well can't say I'm less obsessed,  but I managed To not come here from 1pm To 5pm..and proud of it 😄

 

You're right : no symptoms over 7, and Today no symptoms over 6. You're right again : why can't I see that I'm calmer ? And you're right again..this is a matter of acceptance ! I try To practice more mindfulness since 3 days To work on this acceptance and learn to observe my thoughts as only thoughts. Still have a lot of work To do on acceptance,  I agree with you. 

 

Here the day started with rain..and Grey sky this afternoon, colder than previous days. Winter is coming

 

12 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

A few months ago beauty totally escaped me.

This sentence really touched me. You're a beautiful soul Sass, you deserve beauty in your life, and I'm glad it came back ❤

 

I wish you a pleasant evening Sass, take good care of yourself !