Erell: struggling with paroxetine

[sunnysideup69]

Waving hello from a dark, cold London. 530 am and it's coooooold.

 

Dropping by to say hello, how are you doing? Read a bit of your update to Sassenach..sounds good and steady...

Have a wonderful day!

SSU x

[Erell]

Good morning.

 

@sunnysideup69 : Well it's a very rainy morning here and cold! Have a  Nice day sweet Sunny!

 

Diary Sunday 27 October / day 33 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

6.30am  : woke up anxious (6). Slight anxious sleep since 5.30am.  (Clock change).

7.30am : 10mg Paroxetine. + 1 fish oil capsule 

8.30am : anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 6 / despair: 6

9.30am: anxiety : 6 / restlessness: 6 / despair: 5. Felt a bit more connected, less intrusive thoughts . (This is so Nice!)

11.30am: anxiety: 5 / restlessness : 5 / despair: 5. 

From 1pm To 5pm I Will spend my time outside, mostly at the sea. Anxiety Will oscillate between 4,5,6 / restlessness between 4,5 / despair between 5,6.

5pm : back home.  Tired. Anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 4 / despair  : 5.

8pm : bedtime. 

9.30pm: anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 4 / despair: 5

10.30pm : anxiety: 3 / restlessness: 3 / despair  : 4.

Lights off at 11pm, fell asleep around midnight. 

woke up anxious (6) this morning at 7am.

 

 

 

--》 Yesterday I felt a bit more connected, less DR, it was really really pleasant To Feel!

--》 I don't think it was a window because, in my diaries, Windows offer me rate 3/4 during the day. But it was a wave easier To surf! 🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️ especially because I felt a bit more connected, the world around me looks less strange. And I had appetite.

 

 

Well, have a very pleasant day my strong friends ! ❤

[AuntieBea]

Hi Errel,

 

AuntieBea here just stopping by for a hello! I’ve been reading through your thread and am so sorry for your struggles—it just doesn’t seem fair, if you know what I mean...? You are being so brave and have made so much progress in just one month! And in English!! You are doing beautifully with that. Even on your worst days you seem to be able to convey something positive and uplifting to others.

 

I’ve  been awake here in Upstate New York for most of the night and noticed (of course) how quiet the forum becomes for those hours when all the world is asleep. Then little by little people begin to awaken, first in Europe, UK, etc, and the forum starts filling up with posts again. Yours was one of the first this morning...about 3:00 AM here in NY (hmmm wonder what time it was for you)? Anyway, it helped me feel not quite so alone in the wee hours.

 

I hope you have a pleasant day, Erell

❤️AuntieBea

 

 

[Giulietta]

Hello Erell,

 

Hope you are well today - and the continuing trend in less acute symptoms.   Your diary adn comments show you are perhaps  less anxious too. 

 

Hugs,

Giulietta 💗

[Erell]

Hi @AuntieBea and @Guilietta ,

 

How sweet it is To have friends here in this lonely journey! You're so Nice To drop by here 😚

 

Thank you auntiebe for highlighting my progress..And most of all my progress in English 😄😉

 

I'm glad if my post helped you To Feel less alone..it was about 8am for me

 

Less acute symptoms still : anxiety/ restlessness/ despair keep on oscitalling between 5 and 6.

And I'm more able To spend time out of my flat. 

 

So I don't know if I am in a wave of 11days which flatten very slowly, like if I was in a linear thing. 

or if I'm in a window because less anxiety..But I really don't think I'm in a window, previous Windows were easier. 

Anyway, we'll see what tomorrow brings

 

I can hear Sass thinking "here we go again, she is overanalyzing " 😄

 

Weather is not helping : it's been rainy and Grey all day, like if it was  night all day ! No need To say it is not helping with the mood

 

Wish you a Nice day my friends ! ❤

[Sassenach]

Good evening Erell

 

47 minutes ago, Erell said:

 

I can hear Sass thinking "here we go again, she is overanalyzing " 😄

Am I really so predictable now?

 

48 minutes ago, Erell said:

Weather is not helping : it's been rainy and Grey all day, like if it was  night all day

HeHe White with frost this morning, orange sunrise,beautiful sunshine all day and now starlit skies.

 

50 minutes ago, Erell said:

So I don't know if I am in a wave of 11days which flatten very slowly, like if I was in a linear thing. 

or if I'm in a window because less anxiety..But I really don't think I'm in a window, previous Windows were easier. 

Anyway, we'll see what tomorrow brings

You are still in a wave but because it is less severe it means your underlying baseline is improving, ie you are experiencing an overall improvement.

 

On 10/27/2019 at 7:33 AM, Erell said:

 went To the sea. Can't Feel joy about it, felt totally disconnected

 

10 hours ago, Erell said:

From 1pm To 5pm I Will spend my time outside, mostly at the sea. Anxiety Will oscillate between 4,5,6 / restlessness between 4,5 / despair between 5,6.

What a difference a day can make.

Great to see you getting out and not spending too much time on here.

 

Thanks for the pics, love the rainbow.😎

 

Sass

[Erell]

Good evening Sass!

 

Haha no you're not predictable : it's just that everytime I'm mourning about my situation, a little voice in my head says "right now Sass would say I'm overanalyzing, and he would probably be right !" 😉

So see, you're my voice of reason ! 🤗

 

Yes, since 2 days I really push myself to spend time outside, thanks To lower anxiety! And Being outside is less scary because I Feel bit more connected.

I think I still spend too much time here making silly calculations To know when i'll stabilize. So I have To learn To live without SA : this afternoon I managed To not come, mornings are harder.

But I progress

 

I won't send you pics of my day this time, you would keep on boasting on Scottish sunshine while we are under a cold rain here ! 😄

(Yeah, loved the rainbow too ! Sunshine after rain..🤗)

 

Nightnight

(thank you English teacher😚)

[Giulietta]

Coucou Erell,

 

It is good to learn that you spent more time outside today and less on the computer. Natural brightness and the sea (is it negative ions or positive ions?) lift our moods. It seems that your baseline for this wave is improving.

 

2 hours ago, Erell said:

I think I still spend too much time here making silly calculations To know when i'll stabilize.

 

By making silly calculations do you mean figuring out how soon you will get off yoru medication?  I ask because when I was feeling 'well' I felt more confident and wasted so much time analyzing and re-analyzing how I could shorten the taper time.

 

I updated my signature line with a quotation from a U.S. President about fear.

 

Have a good night my SA friend in France and sleep well

 

Giuilietta 💗

[Erell]

Hi dear !

 

10 hours ago, Guilietta said:

 

By making silly calculations do you mean figuring out how soon you will get off yoru medication?  I ask because when I was feeling 'well' I felt more confident and wasted so much time analyzing and re-analyzing how I could shorten the taper time

 

I talk about silly calculations about stabilisation : I read other's stories and try To figure out how many months it Will take for me To Feel stabilized. 

 

It is not about getting off medication  : I still wanna live without meds and taper my med,  but I know I won't be able To before months, probably a year. So I let these calculations for the future

I know I won't be able To shorten taper time : I take this med  since 10years now, took it first time when I was a teenager, already attempted To taper it and crashed. So I know it Will be a very loooong  and slow process for me : and im ok with it. One thing my hell-fall taught me is that the most valuable thing in life is To live feeling Well,healthy. So if I have To take next 10years To taper my med, it is totally ok for me, because my main goal Will be To minimize as much as possible symptoms.

 

I Will be a turtle

 

You must be under your blanket now ...sleep Well my friend

 

[Erell]

Good morning. 

 

Diary Monday 28 October/ day 34 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

7am : woke up anxious (6)

7.30am: 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule.  

9am : anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 6 / despair: 6.

All morning: these three symptoms oscillated between 5 and 6.

1pm : I decided to go outside despite the rain. Went To the sea, did a walk. Went To the store To buy some food.

All afternoon  : symptoms also oscillated between 5 and 6.

6pm : hungry, managed To eat. 

7pm : anxiety: 5 / despair: 5 / restlessness: 5

7.30pm: it is too early but...I'm so exhausted, I went To bed To read a book under blanket. 

10pm : anxiety: 4 / despair: 3 / restlessness : 4.

11pm : Feel almost normal 

Lights off.

 

I fall asleep around midnight, woke up anxious at 6.30am this morning.

 

 

- Gratitude of the day : being able To go To the store. Was  anxious but managed To buy some food on my own ! 😍

[sunnysideup69]

9 minutes ago, Erell said:

 

11pm : Feel almost normal 

 

- Gratitude of the day : being able To go To the store. Was  anxious but managed To buy some food on my own ! 😍

 

Wow, this is great, dear Erell! Wishing you more of this, it's coming.

 

I'm feeling good. I had a really good day yesterday and yes, my stomach is much better since dropping the magnesium, was overdoing it. 

Have a wonderful day xxx

[Rhiannon]

On 10/26/2019 at 9:09 AM, Erell said:

Oh @Rhiannon ! A French conversation meetup ! Tu me raconteras comment ça s'est passé 😉 Is it with French people or American people learning French ?

 

Bon week-end très chère Rhiannon, I wish you sweet times with your petite-fille ❤

 

It is held at a coffee shop that is owned by a French couple. On the day of the meetup the one employee there was speaking French also, although I would imagine they speak English during ordinary business hours. There was a mix of poor speakers like me and better speakers and a couple of French people, so there was quite a range of skill level. There was also a parrot, I didn't hear it talk so I don't know if it speaks French or not. 🙂

 

It was a good weekend but too short, like all of them!

[Rhiannon]

9 hours ago, Erell said:

Good morning. 

 

Diary Monday 28 October/ day 34 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

7am : woke up anxious (6)

7.30am: 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule.  

9am : anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 6 / despair: 6.

All morning: these three symptoms oscillated between 5 and 6.

1pm : I decided to go outside despite the rain. Went To the sea, did a walk. Went To the store To buy some food.

All afternoon  : symptoms also oscillated between 5 and 6.

6pm : hungry, managed To eat. 

7pm : anxiety: 5 / despair: 5 / restlessness: 5

7.30pm: it is too early but...I'm so exhausted, I went To bed To read a book under blanket. 

10pm : anxiety: 4 / despair: 3 / restlessness : 4.

11pm : Feel almost normal 

Lights off.

 

I fall asleep around midnight, woke up anxious at 6.30am this morning.

 

 

- Gratitude of the day : being able To go To the store. Was  anxious but managed To buy some food on my own ! 😍

 

You're doing so well! I don't know if you can see it, but you are improving. That is going to continue. There will still be ups and downs, better days and worse days, but the overall trend is improvement. I'm sorry it's so slow. These first months can be discouraging. But you are going to do well over time. Just keep going.

[Erell]

@Rhiannon : so glad To hear that it was a good weekend ! Next one is coming

 

Yes I can see that I am improving, mostly because of what I'm able To do, like going more outside. I'm much calmer. I thank you for saying it

 

I think that what doesn't help me these days is my lonelyness. I spend my days alone, and have no friends in my town as I'm new here, they all live at at least 1h of drive. But I'm not able To drive 1h, and my friends work so can't come.

So days are very long alone. And the weather is not helping : litteraly night all day with rain !

Don't want To complain, just needed To talk

I know that we all deal with lonelyness, and I Feel grateful for having the chance To be on SA! 

 

And I'm also grateful for many other things: being able To sleep, Being able To drive, Being able To see the sea,...

It is obvious that I progressed in one month ! 😍

 

Hugs dear Rhi, always pleased To have a post from you !

[Erell]

13 minutes ago, Erell said:

 

It is obvious that I progressed in one month ! 😍

 

Note To myself : when my mood is ok I'm visibly able To see the improvments  😉

[Sassenach]

Hi Erell

 

14 minutes ago, Erell said:

I know that we all deal with lonelyness, and I Feel grateful for having the chance To be on SA! 

 

Yes it is ironic.

When we feel awful we want everyone to leave us alone, then we get a little better we feel lonely, this too will pass.

When I was feeling really down many months ago I went down to the beach on a very stormy night.

The clouds were racing overhead and the wind was deafening.

It was just possible to see the moon behind the clouds.

Standing on the shingle beach the waves seemed to tower above me and I experienced for the first time in many years, an adrenaline rush.

Now and again the moon would appear through the clouds and it was possible to see the white capped waves to the horizon.

The noise was incredible, waves crashing on the shingle, the roaring wind, the raw power of nature.

I realised nature is more powerful than any drug.

 

Sass

 

 

[Erell]

Thank you Sass ❤ 

Nature is more powerfull than any drug.

That's exactly the feeling I have sometimes when I'm able To go To the sea. ❤

[Cocopuffz17]

30 minutes ago, Erell said:

Note To myself : when my mood is ok I'm visibly able To see the improvments  😉

That is amazing! Keep pushing ! You will get there! 

[Erell]

Good morning.

 

Diary Tuesday 29 October/ day 35 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

6.30am: woke up anxious (6). Very subtle but I felt like I was tiny less agitated than usual.

7.30am: 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

9.30am: anxiety (6) / restlessness (5) /despair (6).

10.30am: anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair  : 5

It Will be the same until 2pm. 

2pm : I went outside, To the Center of my town. Wanted To try again To go in stores. But anxiety with dizziness made me come back home.

4pm : anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

5.30pm: anxiety: 6 /restlessness: 5 / despair: 6.

7pm : eat too much.

8pm : bedtime.  anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

9pm : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 4 / despair: 5

10pm: anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 3 / despair: 4.

 

Lights off at 10.30pm.

 

This night : what a night ! On the evening I've eaten To much I think, I was super hungry and so happy To be hungry ! But, since 2 months now, my stomach is used To small amount of food! So I ate pasta with a tomatoes sauce. 

I woke up all night with strong heartburn and I could feel it was because of the tomato sauce. At 3.30am I took some baking soda and it helped me with the burning ( hope baking soda isn't too bad in WD).

So this night I had a very slight sleep with lot of waking up.

This morning I can Feel that my stomach is upset, like if I had an indigestion from the tomato sauce.

And Feel tired.

I hope I didn't mess up too much my body.

 

 

---》 day 12 of this wave...looking forward for next Window 🏄‍♀️

 

[Vegalia]

Hi @Erell

 

A lot of Tomatoes can irritate sensible bowel and stomach.

 

But dont worry, time after time your digestive systèm can be better. 

Ne pas manger trop gras, lourd ou des choses acides ou irritantes et bien sûr limiter les sucres ajoutés.. Repartir les repas.

Je connais ça par coeur si ça t'intéresse, avec des choses très rapides à cuisiner (important quand cuisiner ne fait pas envie) sans additif, ça c'est aussi important.

 

Édit : également, les sauces industrielles toutes prêtes (je sais pas si c'est ce que tu as mangé), il vaut mieux éviter, ainsi que tous les plats préparés.

 

Courage, gros bisous

 

Vega

[Sassenach]

Hi

U will be fine.

Rest today and take it easy.

Sass

[Erell]

Hi Sass

Thank you.

Day 13 of this wave Today, 5 weeks on 10mg Paroxetine...morning mourning !

Can't wait To Feel a bit more functionnable, able To go outside without fear. 

Sometimes worried because of this 13 days in wave, wondering if it means I'm now stabilized and won't see  other progress. 

Have To do some méditation!

Wish you a good day !

[Erell]

Sorry I just need To vent a bit, and as I have no one To tell or speak, I Feel like SA is the only place where I can talk To friends.

 

I'm crying this morning because I feel so sad : I fight everyday To do the best for me and everyday is a battle. I try To meditate, To have a good routine, to go outside, to think positivly. And everyday is still a battle. 

I know we all struggle. 

 

I'm in a wave since 13 days now, and even if symptoms are less sévère, this is still so hard. I pray everyday for a window To expérience some relief And keep believing it can be better.

Right now I'm afraid of Being already stabilized and that this is my new constant state for the next months.

Could I be stabilized?

I know I have improved, but since I'm in the same state since 13 days, I wonder if all the possible improvments have already happened and I have now To live like this forever. 

 

I know no one can help with these symptoms. I tell myself everyday : "wait tomorrow,  give it one more day " To not listen To suicidal thoughts.

 

Writing here helps me To not listen To the despair voice, I hope it is ok.

[AuntieBea]

Dear Errel,

 

Please know that you are not alone...you will get through this...you will feel the joy in life again!!

It is so hard to remember these things in the middle of a wave. The suffering is so intense it feels like it must me forever...but it is not.

 

For me, at times like this, it is only when another person reminds me, that I can remember and trust that it is so. That is the gift we can give each other. When you are feeling better, you do that all the time for others here on the forum. And you WILL be feeling better again. For now, just allow the rest of us to give you that reassurance.

 

Little by little, we are waking up here across the Atlantic. I’m glad Sass is already up and been able to be there for you! I’m sure  you’ll be hearing from all your American friends as well as the day goes on. You are loved. 

❤️AuntieBea

[Erell]

Dear Auntie,

Thank you for Being here ❤

Yes it really feels like it must be forever. The idea of never seeing a window again terrifies me. And the unknown about the wave duration. 

I know I must accept it, but this morning I'm bad at acceptance. 

 

I wish you a good day dear Auntie ❤

[Vegalia]

Coucou @Erell

Quote

Right now I'm afraid of Being already stabilized and that this is my new constant state for the next months.

Could I be stabilized?

 

 

 

 

I dont think So. Not stablized for yet.

But a marathon is more difficult than a sprint...

 

Tu as eu des améliorations, de nombreuses personnes te disent que c'est bon signe.

Mais la souffrance qui reste si elle est forte peut parfois occulter les progrès et les faire oublier, ne pas les trouver assez significatifs même s'ils sont là. Tu es simplement humaine.

 

J'oublie un peu le principe de la vague, je n'y pense pas trop : j'essaie. Je ne l'ai plus relu.. Je le connais mais préfère me dire que ça ira mieux, parce que c'est une possibilité, même si je ne suis pas naïve.

 

Normal de craquer aussi c'est humain, peut-être parfois nécessaire, mais tu sais aussi être positive. Tu le seras à nouveau.

 

Mes pensées tous les jours, mon amie bretonne.

 

Vega 

 

 

 

[AuntieBea]

Dear lovely Errel,

 

It is so hard to find acceptance sometimes....

 

This wave is asking you to be more courageous and brave than maybe you’ve ever been in your life. And you will find that strength! One day at a time, one moment at a time.... Keep writing here on SA if that’s what it takes to get you through the next moment. There are so many people here who care about you and love you. I know that for me at times like this it’s only the connection with other people that pulls me through. They are able to remind me of what I can’t remember...that I am not alone, that this is temporary, it will pass. Continue to pray, if that helps you Erell.... For me it is an  immediate source of help, but I have to remember to ask....

 

And at times like this I’m not too good at remembering....🤔 

❤️AuntieBea

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Vegalia]

Lettre à moi-même;

"Cher moi-même,

Je travaille chaque jour à être une personne meilleure.
Et pour cela, je te demande, s’il te plait :

Aide-moi à saluer chaque nouvelle journée comme une
nouvelle opportunité de bien faire les choses.

Aide-moi à réfléchir aux choses d’une façon à
laquelle je n’avais pas pensé auparavant.

Aide-moi à être le genre de personne que
je respecterais et admirerais si je la voyais agir.

Aide-moi à faire une différence positive dans ce monde,
petite ou grande, en agissant positivement
chaque fois que je le peux.

Aide-moi à être ouvert aux défis du changement.

Aide-moi à ne pas me détourner des choses juste
parce qu’elles sont difficiles.

Aide-moi à faire face à mes peurs et à faire
les choses que je voudrais faire, même quand
elles me rendent nerveux.

Aide-moi à être généreux avec ce que j’ai à
offrir aux autres.

Aide-moi à être reconnaissant pour chaque
seconde de vie que je reçois, à prendre de
bonnes décisions dans ma vie et à les
transformer en actions.

Aide-moi à rendre plus belle la journée de
quelqu’un qui m’aura rencontré aujourd’hui.

Aide-moi à accepter mes erreurs comme des
expériences et un apprentissage.

Aide-moi à m’aimer moi-même, avec tous mes
défauts et toutes mes qualités.

Aide-moi à ne pas me soucier de ce que les
autres pensent.

Et aide-moi avoir confiance en ma capacité de réussir.

Je te remercie.

Moi."

~Auteur inconnu

 

(Letter to myself; "Dear me, I work every day to be a better person. And for that, I ask you, please: Help me to greet each new day as a new opportunity to do things right. Help me think about things in a way to which I had not thought of before. Help me to be the kind of person that I would respect and admire if I saw her acting. Help me make a positive difference in this world, small or large, acting positively whenever I can. Help me to be open to the challenges of change. Help me not to turn away from things just because they are difficult. Help me to face my fears and to make the things I would like to do even when they make me nervous. Help me to be generous with what I have to to offer to others. Help me to be grateful for each second of life that I receive, to take good decisions in my life and at the turn into shares. Help me make the day of someone who met me today. Help me to accept my mistakes as experiences and learning. Help me to love myself, with all my defects and all my qualities. Help me not to worry about what the others think. And help me to trust in my ability to succeed. I thank you. Me." ~ Unknown author)

 

 

 

 

[Giulietta]

Coucou Erell,

 

You must feel great about walking into town! Going into stores can be daunting - I find the high ceilings, bright lights and noise (think the grocery store) drive anxiety. I do what I must and walk out and feel better. It isn't always like this.

 

Not to worry about the tomato sauce and heart burn. Overeating and boxed sweets cause this in me. I just learn Ishould avoid this in the future. tomato sauce is acidic. Can you seasoned olive oil? Or pesto sauce? 

 

58 minutes ago, AuntieBea said:

It is so hard to find acceptance sometimes....

 

This wave is asking you to be more courageous and brave than maybe you’ve ever been in your life. And you will find that strength! One day at a time, one moment at a time.... Keep writing here on SA if that’s what it takes to get you through the next moment. There are so many people here who care about you and love you

 

There is such a thing as the serentiy prayer - to accept what I can change, change what I can and have the wisdom to know the diference. Sometimes we need to accept the waves and instances of flare ups - and to know that things will change. AuntiBea captured everything beautifully.  

 

Thinking of you,

Giuilietta 💓

[sunnysideup69]

It's good to vent, it helps us through. Waves are really very trying....but it will end. Hoping your day improves from here onwards

[Erell]

Hi !

 

@sunnysideup69 : yes waves are really challenging, especially when they last. 

I dream of a window ! 🤗

My day did'nt improve, still trying To surf on symptoms

I've seen on your thread that you had a wonderful Tuesday without anxiety or dépression, this is so great ! Happy for you ! It looks like we have the same weather here and in London 😉

 

@AuntieBea : yes, one day at a  time. Not easy when days look the same

I don't pray a god, I'm not sure who I pray Life, universe..

I'm glad To read that you find help in prayers ❤

 

@Vegalia : merci infiniment pour ta présence toujours rassurante ❤ 

Ta force m'aide à continuer à aller de l'avant !

 

@Guilietta : I definitely avoid tomato sauce

 

 

 

Thank you all for accepting that I vent sometimes. I'm so grateful for having you by my side!

This wave of 5/6 rate is definitely an improvment, I know it. I have To be patient until next window. My silly calculations aren't correct: as I previously had waves of 8_9_10days I thought it would be the same, or even shorter ! But it is not and I have To accept that. And try To fully believe that it is still possible To see a window.

 

Take good care of yourselves!❤

[Giulietta]

26 minutes ago, Erell said:

I don't pray a god, I'm not sure who I pray Life, universe..

I'm glad To read that you find help in prayers ❤

 

I have begun to go to church and I pray to who ever listens to me for those who are ill - and all of us on SA. I give thanks (and pray for)  Alto, Gridley, Rhiannon, BrassMonkey and all the other moderators and veterans for advising and comforting us through this ordealask for guidance and support for us as we pass through this ordeal.

 

I find  support in some of the teachings of the church - even though I have been grounded in science. That being said - science has certainly made a mess of things for us certainly with regard to ADs.

 

Hugs to you all -

 

🤗

 

[Sassenach]

Hi you

At least you are not over analysing just saying how you feel which is good.

No you are not stabilized yes you will see more progress, but you knew that didn't you.

@Patientflower

[Sassenach]

If you want to see how well meditation can work.

Went out last night but all I saw was a beautiful starlit night might try again tonight and if I get any photos I will send you them

Sass

[Erell]

Hello Sass !

Yes i've read Patientflower's post!

Méditation is not always easy with anxiety, but I won't give up ! I really think it can help, it is quite new so I have To keep trying

 

22 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

No you are not stabilized yes you will see more progress, but you knew that didn't you

Depressed feelings were not easy Today, and it always lead me To doubts. 

I thank you for telling me that I'm not stabilized because it has been a strong worry all day. I dont know if I already knew it, this wave makes me doubt of the possibility of another window.

I'll keep on trying To fully believe it!

 

Wish you another beautiful starlit 😙

[Erell]

Good morning. 

 

Diary Wednesday 30 October/ day 36 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

7am : woke up anxious.(6)

7.30am: 10mg Paroxetine +1 fish oil capsule 

9am : anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

10.30am: Feel disconnected,  DR.  

Anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 6

12 : Cry.  Feel really agitated mentally.

1pm : anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 6. Still Feel disconnected. 

Went outside, To the sea. 

4.30pm: anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 6 / despair: 6.

8pm : bedtime 

9.40pm : anxiety: 5 / restlessness:5 / despair:5 

 

Lights off at 10.45pm. Fall asleep around 11.30pm. Woke up anxious this morning at 6.30am. 

 

---》 stomach upset all day, only ate bananas.