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Erell: struggling with paroxetine

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Erell

Dear Auntie,

Thank you for Being here ❤

Yes it really feels like it must be forever. The idea of never seeing a window again terrifies me. And the unknown about the wave duration. 

I know I must accept it, but this morning I'm bad at acceptance. 

 

I wish you a good day dear Auntie ❤

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Vegalia

Coucou @Erell

Quote


Right now I'm afraid of Being already stabilized and that this is my new constant state for the next months.

Could I be stabilized?

 

 

 

 

I dont think So. Not stablized for yet.

But a marathon is more difficult than a sprint...

 

Tu as eu des améliorations, de nombreuses personnes te disent que c'est bon signe.

Mais la souffrance qui reste si elle est forte peut parfois occulter les progrès et les faire oublier, ne pas les trouver assez significatifs même s'ils sont là. Tu es simplement humaine.

 

J'oublie un peu le principe de la vague, je n'y pense pas trop : j'essaie. Je ne l'ai plus relu.. Je le connais mais préfère me dire que ça ira mieux, parce que c'est une possibilité, même si je ne suis pas naïve.

 

Normal de craquer aussi c'est humain, peut-être parfois nécessaire, mais tu sais aussi être positive. Tu le seras à nouveau.

 

Mes pensées tous les jours, mon amie bretonne. :)

 

Vega 

 

 

 

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AuntieBea

Dear lovely Errel,

 

It is so hard to find acceptance sometimes....

 

This wave is asking you to be more courageous and brave than maybe you’ve ever been in your life. And you will find that strength! One day at a time, one moment at a time.... Keep writing here on SA if that’s what it takes to get you through the next moment. There are so many people here who care about you and love you. I know that for me at times like this it’s only the connection with other people that pulls me through. They are able to remind me of what I can’t remember...that I am not alone, that this is temporary, it will pass. Continue to pray, if that helps you Erell.... For me it is an  immediate source of help, but I have to remember to ask....

 

And at times like this I’m not too good at remembering....🤔 

❤️AuntieBea

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Vegalia

Lettre à moi-même;

"Cher moi-même,

Je travaille chaque jour à être une personne meilleure.
Et pour cela, je te demande, s’il te plait :

Aide-moi à saluer chaque nouvelle journée comme une
nouvelle opportunité de bien faire les choses.

Aide-moi à réfléchir aux choses d’une façon à
laquelle je n’avais pas pensé auparavant.

Aide-moi à être le genre de personne que
je respecterais et admirerais si je la voyais agir.

Aide-moi à faire une différence positive dans ce monde,
petite ou grande, en agissant positivement
chaque fois que je le peux.

Aide-moi à être ouvert aux défis du changement.

Aide-moi à ne pas me détourner des choses juste
parce qu’elles sont difficiles.

Aide-moi à faire face à mes peurs et à faire
les choses que je voudrais faire, même quand
elles me rendent nerveux.

Aide-moi à être généreux avec ce que j’ai à
offrir aux autres.

Aide-moi à être reconnaissant pour chaque
seconde de vie que je reçois, à prendre de
bonnes décisions dans ma vie et à les
transformer en actions.

Aide-moi à rendre plus belle la journée de
quelqu’un qui m’aura rencontré aujourd’hui.

Aide-moi à accepter mes erreurs comme des
expériences et un apprentissage.

Aide-moi à m’aimer moi-même, avec tous mes
défauts et toutes mes qualités.

Aide-moi à ne pas me soucier de ce que les
autres pensent.

Et aide-moi avoir confiance en ma capacité de réussir.

Je te remercie.

Moi."

~Auteur inconnu

 

(Letter to myself; "Dear me, I work every day to be a better person. And for that, I ask you, please: Help me to greet each new day as a new opportunity to do things right. Help me think about things in a way to which I had not thought of before. Help me to be the kind of person that I would respect and admire if I saw her acting. Help me make a positive difference in this world, small or large, acting positively whenever I can. Help me to be open to the challenges of change. Help me not to turn away from things just because they are difficult. Help me to face my fears and to make the things I would like to do even when they make me nervous. Help me to be generous with what I have to to offer to others. Help me to be grateful for each second of life that I receive, to take good decisions in my life and at the turn into shares. Help me make the day of someone who met me today. Help me to accept my mistakes as experiences and learning. Help me to love myself, with all my defects and all my qualities. Help me not to worry about what the others think. And help me to trust in my ability to succeed. I thank you. Me." ~ Unknown author)

 

 

 

 

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Giulietta

Coucou Erell,

 

You must feel great about walking into town! Going into stores can be daunting - I find the high ceilings, bright lights and noise (think the grocery store) drive anxiety. I do what I must and walk out and feel better. It isn't always like this.

 

Not to worry about the tomato sauce and heart burn. Overeating and boxed sweets cause this in me. I just learn Ishould avoid this in the future. tomato sauce is acidic. Can you seasoned olive oil? Or pesto sauce? 

 

58 minutes ago, AuntieBea said:

It is so hard to find acceptance sometimes....

 

This wave is asking you to be more courageous and brave than maybe you’ve ever been in your life. And you will find that strength! One day at a time, one moment at a time.... Keep writing here on SA if that’s what it takes to get you through the next moment. There are so many people here who care about you and love you

 

There is such a thing as the serentiy prayer - to accept what I can change, change what I can and have the wisdom to know the diference. Sometimes we need to accept the waves and instances of flare ups - and to know that things will change. AuntiBea captured everything beautifully.  

 

Thinking of you,

Giuilietta 💓

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sunnysideup69

It's good to vent, it helps us through. Waves are really very trying....but it will end. Hoping your day improves from here onwards :)

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Erell

Hi !

 

@sunnysideup69 : yes waves are really challenging, especially when they last. 

I dream of a window ! 🤗

My day did'nt improve, still trying To surf on symptoms ;)

I've seen on your thread that you had a wonderful Tuesday without anxiety or dépression, this is so great ! Happy for you ! It looks like we have the same weather here and in London 😉

 

@AuntieBea : yes, one day at a  time. Not easy when days look the same ;)

I don't pray a god, I'm not sure who I pray :) Life, universe..

I'm glad To read that you find help in prayers ❤

 

@Vegalia : merci infiniment pour ta présence toujours rassurante ❤ 

Ta force m'aide à continuer à aller de l'avant !

 

@Guilietta : I definitely avoid tomato sauce ;)

 

 

 

Thank you all for accepting that I vent sometimes. I'm so grateful for having you by my side!

This wave of 5/6 rate is definitely an improvment, I know it. I have To be patient until next window. My silly calculations aren't correct: as I previously had waves of 8_9_10days I thought it would be the same, or even shorter ! But it is not and I have To accept that. And try To fully believe that it is still possible To see a window.

 

Take good care of yourselves!❤

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Giulietta
26 minutes ago, Erell said:

I don't pray a god, I'm not sure who I pray :) Life, universe..

I'm glad To read that you find help in prayers ❤

 

I have begun to go to church and I pray to who ever listens to me ;) for those who are ill - and all of us on SA. I give thanks (and pray for)  Alto, Gridley, Rhiannon, BrassMonkey and all the other moderators and veterans for advising and comforting us through this ordealask for guidance and support for us as we pass through this ordeal.

 

I find  support in some of the teachings of the church - even though I have been grounded in science. That being said - science has certainly made a mess of things for us certainly with regard to ADs.

 

Hugs to you all -

 

🤗

 

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Sassenach

Hi you

At least you are not over analysing just saying how you feel which is good.

No you are not stabilized yes you will see more progress, but you knew that didn't you.

@Patientflower

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Sassenach

If you want to see how well meditation can work.

Went out last night but all I saw was a beautiful starlit night might try again tonight and if I get any photos I will send you them

Sass

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Erell

Hello Sass !

Yes i've read Patientflower's post!

Méditation is not always easy with anxiety, but I won't give up ! I really think it can help, it is quite new so I have To keep trying ;)

 

22 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

No you are not stabilized yes you will see more progress, but you knew that didn't you

Depressed feelings were not easy Today, and it always lead me To doubts. 

I thank you for telling me that I'm not stabilized because it has been a strong worry all day. I dont know if I already knew it, this wave makes me doubt of the possibility of another window.

I'll keep on trying To fully believe it!

 

Wish you another beautiful starlit 😙

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Erell

Good morning. 

 

Diary Wednesday 30 October/ day 36 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

7am : woke up anxious.(6)

7.30am: 10mg Paroxetine +1 fish oil capsule 

9am : anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

10.30am: Feel disconnected,  DR.  

Anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 6

12 Cry.  Feel really agitated mentally.

1pm anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 6. Still Feel disconnected. 

Went outside, To the sea. 

4.30pm: anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 6 / despair: 6.

8pm : bedtime 

9.40pm : anxiety: 5 / restlessness:5 / despair:5 

 

Lights off at 10.45pm. Fall asleep around 11.30pm. Woke up anxious this morning at 6.30am. 

 

---》 stomach upset all day, only ate bananas. 

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Sassenach

Bonsoir Erell

 

Comment ca'va aujourd'hui?

 

Sass

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Erell

Coucou Sass!

 

Well, nothing new under the sun ! (French colloquial 😉)

 

I spent the day between 5 and 6.

 

I had a Spike bit harder this afternoon, cried a lot. (But managed To not come here To complain, and I'm proud). 

This Spike was not easy because I felt a strong spirit of résignation  : my thoughts were that my days had no flavor except the taste of anxiety, that I had nothing To offer To family and friends except sadness, so I didn't know anymore if life worth it. I decided To push myself and went To a walk on the coast. It was hard because of anxiety and I didn't spend much time outside, but it helps with my suicidal thoughts.

I then took a look on SA To see if other people expérience long wave, and I read some people having 7months wave..It scared me so I stopped.

I may have my periods in a week or so, so i'll probably won't see a window before. 

 

Méditation and relaxation routine :

- I do the alternate breath once or twice a day.

- 15/30min where I try to focus on the love and the gratitude I can give to my brain, my body, myself.

- positive affirmation 

- 10min of mindfulness on my breath 

- gratitude list every evening.

- bedtime routine at 8pm, with relax music and books in a room with slight light. 

 

 

 

Oups, I wrote a lot. It helps 

 

It is quite incredible To have your constant support, merci infiniment! ❤

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Sassenach
47 minutes ago, Erell said:

(But managed To not come here To complain, and I'm proud)

You should be.

 

48 minutes ago, Erell said:

so i'll probably won't see a window before.

You are continually moving towards another window.

 

48 minutes ago, Erell said:

my suicidal thoughts.

What form do these take Erell?

 

49 minutes ago, Erell said:

Méditation and relaxation routine :

- I do the alternate breath once or twice a day.

- 15/30min where I try to focus on the love and the gratitude I can give to my brain, my body, myself.

- positive affirmation 

- 10min of mindfulness on my breath 

- gratitude list every evening.

- bedtime routine at 8pm, with relax music and books in a room with slight light. 

You have come such a long way from the terrors and constant fear.

52 minutes ago, Erell said:

merci infiniment!

Tu est bienvenue ma chere.

Je voudrias plus de temp de pratiquer mon francais.

 

Sass


 

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Erell

Je serais heureuse de parler Français avec toi ! :)

 

- suicidal thoughts : there are 2 different shapes:

× sometimes it is related To High mental restlessness and it feels like a urge : à urge To die, To not wake up next morning. It is  really hard To describe, it really feels like a strong urge.

× other times it is an overall feeling of resignation, hopeless, tired, wanting to let me die in my bed. It is more thinking, thinking about the best solution To relieve everybody.

 

 

However, I never made a plan, or thought seriously of a method To do it. Even when I Feel the urge, it is a sensation, there are no specific project.

When I had terrors I often thought about going To the ER. Sometimes I still do. But I know they would only offer me new meds, so I try To handle with nondrugs techniques .

 

I really love life overall, and even if these suicidal thoughts can be hard To handle, I'm pretty sure I Will never hurt myself.

 

Sorry for these explainations, they are quite dark. (please Sass, take care of your own mood!).

 

It is quite amazing how much your quiet attitude is a relief everytime! 

I strongly hope you're doing ok. ❤

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Rhiannon

About stabilizing:  What you are experiencing now is an aspect of stabilizing, but it is not what we talk about when we are referring to WDnormal, or being stable to the point that you are ready to taper again. It is not the "stabilizing" that we talk about that you will eventually achieve. It is just a stage.

 

You have settled down from that initial very intense period when you were having daily terror and you were certain you couldn't get through very many more days like that. The chaos has settled down a bit. This is actually excellent! Not everyone settles down as fast as you have. I am quite encouraged by your progress.

 

Now you are in a new stage, and as somebody said, it is a marathon, not a sprint.

 

Here is what I expect for you, based on how you have done so far:  You will continue to have windows, and you will continue to have waves. You will feel pretty miserable a lot of the time and it's going to seem like it will never end, at least that is what your mind is going to tell you. It may be difficult for you to see the progress. However, you will continue to make progress in an up and down way.

 

It will not be extremely regular. The windows may be long or may be short. The waves may be long or may be short. There is not a predictable pattern. It is important not to read any significance into the length of the windows and waves. I suspect that during waves we are doing a lot of important healing. What IS predictable is that over time, now, you are going to have gradual amelioration.

 

It will be gradual. It will be easier for us, here, on the website, to see, than it is for you to see. Your family and friends may be able to see it as well, I don't know.

 

You are probably going to feel pretty bad a lot of the time for a while yet. You will probably continue to have those thoughts of wanting to die. You will probably find it hard to believe that things will get better. All of this is completely normal at this stage.

 

The only way to get past this stage is to walk through it one day at a time. Now is a good time to explore all the tools given on this website for coping with symptoms. It is also good to distract yourself, and to try to get out a bit from time to time. I think there is a lot of good advice in this website, this is a good time to really dig in and explore all of it. You have some time now, while the healing process is taking place, and there isn't really much else to do other than take care of yourself and get through it day by day.

 

I am still very encouraged by your progress. I think you are going to be fine. It's really nice to work with someone who takes advice and does the right things to get well, I'm looking forward to the day when you fly off back into your life. I know that day will come. It's just going to take some time.

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Sassenach
5 minutes ago, Erell said:

 

I really love life overall, and even if these suicidal thoughts can be hard To handle, I'm pretty sure I Will never hurt myself.

They are hard to handle.

They are not the real you, just one more symptom from an unstable system.

 Dormez bien.

 

Sass

 

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Erell

Rhiannon (and Sass) : Thankyou! It is really kind of you To take the time To write To me!

You're right, I shouldnt give too much significance on the waves and Windows length. This is my brain trying To rationalize an unpredictible journey ;)

 

 

You're right,it is not always easy To see or To believe that things get ,and Will get better. I'm deeply grateful for having your wise eyes on this ( and Sass' s wise eyes). 

My family and my friends don't seem To see it because they focus on my limitations, and really don't accept the slow part of this. 

This is a reason why I'm really glad I found SA  : you totally accept my situation and believe me, and this is so important. 

 

About following advices : I have trusted  doctors since I was  a teenager, I'm done now with their ignorance. I'm really glad I found SA and so benevolent people!

It is scary because you always say that you can't predict the future and you highlight the unknown part of this process. But on the other hand, it is also the reason why I strongly respect all the team here : you  don't lie or prétend To know everything like doctors do. 

Your honesty and your support honors you all ❤

 

Yes, there is a lot of tools here ! I read a lot the topics in 'Symptoms and selfcare" and try To practice. 

 

I look forward To the day when I fly off back To my life too 😉 Reading that your know "that day Will come" is a sweet gift before bedtime , thank you ❤

 

Oups, and it's already 8.30pm here ! Time for sudoku 😄

(Level 4 now, have To add this on the list of improvments! 😅)

 

I wish you Sass a delightful night, and Rhiannon a wonderful day ❤

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mustafa
2 hours ago, Sassenach said:

They are hard to handle.

They are not the real you, just one more symptom from an unstable system.

 Dormez bien.

 

Sass

 

Thanks for these words sass, I loved reading them. 

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mustafa

Hi @Erell

For me, I don't consider a window to be less stressed or have less anxiety. From the beginning of my suffer, I remember I didn't feel improvement in my suffer it self except 2 times however, I can notice the difference(remember that withdrawals can be linear). For you,I can also notice the difference in your posts as well; it looks like you need to go to live the everyday life, this is a window itself.

Do I talk right?

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Erell

@mustafa : I'm not sure I understand Well what you mean. Do you  mean that, as I want To live normal life,  I must be in a window ?

If so  : no I'm not in a window ;) I already experienced Windows,  and it was like if a big fog in my head was going away (very very pleasant feeling ! Like a cloudy sky that lighten a bit 😍)

So I know I'm not in a window because the sky is very cloudy in my head all time. But yes, I still want To live ! 

 

 

Diary Thursday 31 October  / day 37 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

6.30am: woke up anxious (6). Slight anxious sleep until 7.30am. 

7.30am  10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

8am : anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 6 / despair: 5

11am : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5. Less intrusive thoughts. 

1pm anxiety  : 6 / restlessness: 6 / despair: 5.

3pm cry. Suicidal thoughts. I decided To go To the sea take a walk To change the Channel. I managed but was hard because of anxiety. 

5pm : anxiety: 6 / despair: 5 / restlessness: 5.

7pm : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

8pm : bedtime. 

10.30pm : anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 4 / despair  : 5.

 

Lights off at 11pm. Woke up at 4 am, managed To go back To sleep and woke up with alarm this morning at 7.30am. 

 

🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️

 

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Erell

Quick update of the day (I forestall Sass 😘).

 

Still in my wave, a day between 5 and 6. It's silly but when I had terrors, I was certain that I would live easily with 5/6 rate. Now, even if it's a bit easier, I can say it is still very hard, most of all because of the constancy. 

I had a Spike of sadness and fear of the future this afternoon, cried and then tried To focus on acceptance.

I think I made a step in acceptance,  it is a really tiny one but I may be less fighting against my situation.

 

It's hard To not Feel stuck and To keep hoping after 2 weeks of wave. And hard To face the fear of a wave which could last long .

I reread often Rhiannon and Sass's posts and it helps me To stop overanalysing. 

 

(Not complaining : as i'm alone, it just  helps me To talk about my day To somebody).

 

I'm supposed To get back back To work next monday and thought about it Today. On one hand it could be a way to find distractions, on the other hand I don't Feel strong enough, mostly because of anxiety/agoraphobia/Being around too much people all day.

So I think I Will postpone work again.

 

Well, dear survivors, I hope you are doing ok on your side and wish you all terrific Windows   😘🤗

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Sassenach

Hi Erell

 

5 minutes ago, Erell said:

I can say it is still very hard, most of all because of the constancy. 

 

The constancy is happening because the changes / windows felt  earlier are now being followed by a period where your brain is readjusting.

Once it has done that it will move on and maybe another window.

9 minutes ago, Erell said:

I think I made a step in acceptance,  it is a really tiny one but I may be less fighting against my situation.

In W/D every step is a tiny one because every change in the brain cascades others until we are healed.

 

10 minutes ago, Erell said:

Not complaining : as i'm alone, it just  helps me To talk about my day To somebody

Talk, complain, whinge or laugh it is ok with us, we can always ignore you👿, dont mean it really🤗.

 

12 minutes ago, Erell said:

So I think I Will postpone work again

Good idea, you do not need the stress at the moment.

 

Sass

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Erell

Hi Sass ! 

 

Yes for sure, every steps are tiny ones ! ;)

Maybe méditation about acceptance is starting To help...😉 even if it doesn't, at least I take a moment everyday To thank my body for all the hard work he is doing!

 

9 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

 and maybe another window 

 

I don't like the "maybe" part, so I Will just read " and another window "  😇

'Maybe' would mean I'm stuck forever! 

 

How it is in Scotland? Still enjoying a great sun ?

Here the sun has been very shy Today but it was nice To see some little blue part in the sky! Went to the sea and let the sun caress a bit my cheek...so Nice !

 

Have a great evening ! 

 

( I've search the significance of Sassenach...so you're a fake scottish! 😄)

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Sassenach
1 minute ago, Erell said:

I've search the significance of Sassenach...so you're a fake scottish! 😄)

I'm totally fake:rolleyes:

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Erell

@Sassenach : hmm.. can I ask why you said  "maybe a window' ?

 

I'm sorry, I try To reason myself before bedtime.

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Sassenach

Overa-------- again🤣

 

I just mean I cannot predict the course of recovery, but I can tell you windows will come.

 

Lullaby preparation time for you young lady.

 

Sleep well

 

Sass

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Erell

Totally overa........ again !!!! Just when I wrote I made a step in acceptance 😇😄

 

Anyway, thank you for your reply 😉😚

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mustafa
13 hours ago, Erell said:

@mustafa : I'm not sure I understand Well what you mean. Do you  mean that, as I want To live normal life,  I must be in a window ?

If so  : no I'm not in a window ;) I already experienced Windows,  and it was like if a big fog in my head was going away (very very pleasant feeling ! Like a cloudy sky that lighten a bit 😍)

So I know I'm not in a window because the sky is very cloudy in my head all time. But yes, I still want To live ! 

 

 

Diary Thursday 31 October  / day 37 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

6.30am: woke up anxious (6). Slight anxious sleep until 7.30am. 

7.30am  10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

8am : anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 6 / despair: 5

11am : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5. Less intrusive thoughts. 

1pm anxiety  : 6 / restlessness: 6 / despair: 5.

3pm cry. Suicidal thoughts. I decided To go To the sea take a walk To change the Channel. I managed but was hard because of anxiety. 

5pm : anxiety: 6 / despair: 5 / restlessness: 5.

7pm : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

8pm : bedtime. 

10.30pm : anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 4 / despair  : 5.

 

Lights off at 11pm. Woke up at 4 am, managed To go back To sleep and woke up with alarm this morning at 7.30am. 

 

🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️

 

I mean that it is not a must to feel 'cloudy sky that lighten abit' despite that I like this feeling as well😂, but it is really not a must, I give a reason to this that my brain is healing faster and windows are not now about restlessness degree or anxiety degree, but they may be in my behaviour. Any way, I think the late you have a window, the bigger you have a window so keep going ❤️

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AuntieBea

Dear Errel,

 

I am wishing you a very sweet sleep.... I know it is late there in Brittany. It’s even getting to be my bedtime here!!!

I see that each day still has its struggles for you. This has been a long wave. But you are clearly “hangin’ in there” as we say, and getting stronger because of it.

 

Something I notice about myself is that as time goes by I am able to handle certain symptoms better, with less anxiety, because I am more familiar with them. When they first started to occur last spring, they were especially frightening and disturbing because I had never had anything like that happen before. Like the never-ending palpitations...I was worried sick about them back then. But now, even though they are still every bit as noticeable, I’m just not upset by them anymore. They are just “there”...if you know what I mean. Wonder if you experience this as well...?

 

7 hours ago, Erell said:

Yes for sure, every steps are tiny ones ! ;)

Maybe méditation about acceptance is starting To help...😉 even if it doesn't, at least I take a moment everyday To thank my body for all the hard work he is doing!

I really appreciate your perseverance and determination to keep working at it...to keep getting better at doing this withdrawal and tapering project (that’s a funny thing to call it, but hopefully you know what I mean). Don’t underestimate how strong you are Erell. 

You’re going to come out the other side of this just fine. 

 

Well, I am going to say good night for now....

❤️ AuntieBea

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Erell
9 hours ago, mustafa said:

 Any way, I think the late you have a window, the bigger you have a window so keep going ❤️

Haha I hope so ! 2 weeks wave..next window should be amazing then !  😍😉

 

5 hours ago, AuntieBea said:

Wonder if you experience this as well...?

 

Accepting that "they are just there" is What I'm trying To do by practicing méditation. I don't have physical symptoms like palpitations, or pain. Or if I have, I usually totally accept them because I found them easier than my emotionnal state 😉 My main symptoms are emotionnal  : anxiety, dépression. I find it hard To "just live with " as they are symptoms that totally invade the mind.

But I keep trying :)

 

Thank you for your support ❤

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Erell

Diary Friday 1st November/ day 38 on 10mg Paroxetine

 

7.30am: woke up with alarm, took 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

9am anxiety: 6 / despair: 5 / restlessness: 6.

11am anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5 . Painfull legs.

2pm : Went To the seaside, took a walk.

At 3pm, crashed in my car,  cried. 

Anxiety: 6 / despair: 6 / restlessness: 6

5pm : anxiety : 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

6.30pm : painfull pelvic area, wonder if my periods are coming.

8pm : bedtime.  Anxiety : 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair : 5.

It Will be the same all evening.

Lights off at 11pm, fall asleep around midnight. Woke up anxious at 7am this morning. 

 

 

 

--》 my periods are here this morning, earlier than expected,  again. Another sweet gift in WD  ;)

 

🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️

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sunnysideup69
40 minutes ago, Erell said:

 

At 3pm, crashed in my car,  cried.

 

🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️

Are you OK??? 

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Erell

Oh sorry, I must have not used right English!

 

I did'nt have an accident: i meant that after my walk on the seaside, emotions totally exploded when I arrived in my car.

 

Sorry for this wrong sentence 😳

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sunnysideup69
3 hours ago, Erell said:

Oh sorry, I must have not used right English!

 

I did'nt have an accident: i meant that after my walk on the seaside, emotions totally exploded when I arrived in my car.

 

Sorry for this wrong sentence 😳

It's OK am glad you didn't have a car crash...I misunderstood. It was an emotional crash, not a physical one. Xxx

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