Erell: struggling with paroxetine

[Sassenach]

Bonsoir Erell

 

Comment ca'va aujourd'hui?

 

Sass

[Erell]

Coucou Sass!

 

Well, nothing new under the sun ! (French colloquial 😉)

 

I spent the day between 5 and 6.

 

I had a Spike bit harder this afternoon, cried a lot. (But managed To not come here To complain, and I'm proud). 

This Spike was not easy because I felt a strong spirit of résignation  : my thoughts were that my days had no flavor except the taste of anxiety, that I had nothing To offer To family and friends except sadness, so I didn't know anymore if life worth it. I decided To push myself and went To a walk on the coast. It was hard because of anxiety and I didn't spend much time outside, but it helps with my suicidal thoughts.

I then took a look on SA To see if other people expérience long wave, and I read some people having 7months wave..It scared me so I stopped.

I may have my periods in a week or so, so i'll probably won't see a window before. 

 

Méditation and relaxation routine :

- I do the alternate breath once or twice a day.

- 15/30min where I try to focus on the love and the gratitude I can give to my brain, my body, myself.

- positive affirmation 

- 10min of mindfulness on my breath 

- gratitude list every evening.

- bedtime routine at 8pm, with relax music and books in a room with slight light. 

 

 

 

Oups, I wrote a lot. It helps 

 

It is quite incredible To have your constant support, merci infiniment! ❤

[Sassenach]

47 minutes ago, Erell said:

(But managed To not come here To complain, and I'm proud)

You should be.

 

48 minutes ago, Erell said:

so i'll probably won't see a window before.

You are continually moving towards another window.

 

48 minutes ago, Erell said:

my suicidal thoughts.

What form do these take Erell?

 

49 minutes ago, Erell said:

Méditation and relaxation routine :

- I do the alternate breath once or twice a day.

- 15/30min where I try to focus on the love and the gratitude I can give to my brain, my body, myself.

- positive affirmation 

- 10min of mindfulness on my breath 

- gratitude list every evening.

- bedtime routine at 8pm, with relax music and books in a room with slight light. 

You have come such a long way from the terrors and constant fear.

52 minutes ago, Erell said:

merci infiniment!

Tu est bienvenue ma chere.

Je voudrias plus de temp de pratiquer mon francais.

 

Sass

[Erell]

Je serais heureuse de parler Français avec toi !

 

- suicidal thoughts : there are 2 different shapes:

× sometimes it is related To High mental restlessness and it feels like a urge : à urge To die, To not wake up next morning. It is  really hard To describe, it really feels like a strong urge.

× other times it is an overall feeling of resignation, hopeless, tired, wanting to let me die in my bed. It is more thinking, thinking about the best solution To relieve everybody.

 

 

However, I never made a plan, or thought seriously of a method To do it. Even when I Feel the urge, it is a sensation, there are no specific project.

When I had terrors I often thought about going To the ER. Sometimes I still do. But I know they would only offer me new meds, so I try To handle with nondrugs techniques .

 

I really love life overall, and even if these suicidal thoughts can be hard To handle, I'm pretty sure I Will never hurt myself.

 

Sorry for these explainations, they are quite dark. (please Sass, take care of your own mood!).

 

It is quite amazing how much your quiet attitude is a relief everytime! 

I strongly hope you're doing ok. ❤

[Rhiannon]

About stabilizing:  What you are experiencing now is an aspect of stabilizing, but it is not what we talk about when we are referring to WDnormal, or being stable to the point that you are ready to taper again. It is not the "stabilizing" that we talk about that you will eventually achieve. It is just a stage.

 

You have settled down from that initial very intense period when you were having daily terror and you were certain you couldn't get through very many more days like that. The chaos has settled down a bit. This is actually excellent! Not everyone settles down as fast as you have. I am quite encouraged by your progress.

 

Now you are in a new stage, and as somebody said, it is a marathon, not a sprint.

 

Here is what I expect for you, based on how you have done so far:  You will continue to have windows, and you will continue to have waves. You will feel pretty miserable a lot of the time and it's going to seem like it will never end, at least that is what your mind is going to tell you. It may be difficult for you to see the progress. However, you will continue to make progress in an up and down way.

 

It will not be extremely regular. The windows may be long or may be short. The waves may be long or may be short. There is not a predictable pattern. It is important not to read any significance into the length of the windows and waves. I suspect that during waves we are doing a lot of important healing. What IS predictable is that over time, now, you are going to have gradual amelioration.

 

It will be gradual. It will be easier for us, here, on the website, to see, than it is for you to see. Your family and friends may be able to see it as well, I don't know.

 

You are probably going to feel pretty bad a lot of the time for a while yet. You will probably continue to have those thoughts of wanting to die. You will probably find it hard to believe that things will get better. All of this is completely normal at this stage.

 

The only way to get past this stage is to walk through it one day at a time. Now is a good time to explore all the tools given on this website for coping with symptoms. It is also good to distract yourself, and to try to get out a bit from time to time. I think there is a lot of good advice in this website, this is a good time to really dig in and explore all of it. You have some time now, while the healing process is taking place, and there isn't really much else to do other than take care of yourself and get through it day by day.

 

I am still very encouraged by your progress. I think you are going to be fine. It's really nice to work with someone who takes advice and does the right things to get well, I'm looking forward to the day when you fly off back into your life. I know that day will come. It's just going to take some time.

[Sassenach]

5 minutes ago, Erell said:

 

I really love life overall, and even if these suicidal thoughts can be hard To handle, I'm pretty sure I Will never hurt myself.

They are hard to handle.

They are not the real you, just one more symptom from an unstable system.

 Dormez bien.

 

Sass

 

[Erell]

Rhiannon (and Sass) : Thankyou! It is really kind of you To take the time To write To me!

You're right, I shouldnt give too much significance on the waves and Windows length. This is my brain trying To rationalize an unpredictible journey

 

 

You're right,it is not always easy To see or To believe that things get ,and Will get better. I'm deeply grateful for having your wise eyes on this ( and Sass' s wise eyes). 

My family and my friends don't seem To see it because they focus on my limitations, and really don't accept the slow part of this. 

This is a reason why I'm really glad I found SA  : you totally accept my situation and believe me, and this is so important. 

 

About following advices : I have trusted  doctors since I was  a teenager, I'm done now with their ignorance. I'm really glad I found SA and so benevolent people!

It is scary because you always say that you can't predict the future and you highlight the unknown part of this process. But on the other hand, it is also the reason why I strongly respect all the team here : you  don't lie or prétend To know everything like doctors do. 

Your honesty and your support honors you all ❤

 

Yes, there is a lot of tools here ! I read a lot the topics in 'Symptoms and selfcare" and try To practice. 

 

I look forward To the day when I fly off back To my life too 😉 Reading that your know "that day Will come" is a sweet gift before bedtime , thank you ❤

 

Oups, and it's already 8.30pm here ! Time for sudoku 😄

(Level 4 now, have To add this on the list of improvments! 😅)

 

I wish you Sass a delightful night, and Rhiannon a wonderful day ❤

[mustafa]

2 hours ago, Sassenach said:

They are hard to handle.

They are not the real you, just one more symptom from an unstable system.

 Dormez bien.

 

Sass

 

Thanks for these words sass, I loved reading them. 

[mustafa]

Hi @Erell, 

For me, I don't consider a window to be less stressed or have less anxiety. From the beginning of my suffer, I remember I didn't feel improvement in my suffer it self except 2 times however, I can notice the difference(remember that withdrawals can be linear). For you,I can also notice the difference in your posts as well; it looks like you need to go to live the everyday life, this is a window itself.

Do I talk right?

[Erell]

@mustafa : I'm not sure I understand Well what you mean. Do you  mean that, as I want To live normal life,  I must be in a window ?

If so  : no I'm not in a window I already experienced Windows,  and it was like if a big fog in my head was going away (very very pleasant feeling ! Like a cloudy sky that lighten a bit 😍)

So I know I'm not in a window because the sky is very cloudy in my head all time. But yes, I still want To live ! 

 

 

Diary Thursday 31 October  / day 37 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

6.30am: woke up anxious (6). Slight anxious sleep until 7.30am. 

7.30am  : 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

8am : anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 6 / despair: 5

11am : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5. Less intrusive thoughts. 

1pm : anxiety  : 6 / restlessness: 6 / despair: 5.

3pm : cry. Suicidal thoughts. I decided To go To the sea take a walk To change the Channel. I managed but was hard because of anxiety. 

5pm : anxiety: 6 / despair: 5 / restlessness: 5.

7pm : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

8pm : bedtime. 

10.30pm : anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 4 / despair  : 5.

 

Lights off at 11pm. Woke up at 4 am, managed To go back To sleep and woke up with alarm this morning at 7.30am. 

 

🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️

 

[Erell]

Quick update of the day (I forestall Sass 😘).

 

Still in my wave, a day between 5 and 6. It's silly but when I had terrors, I was certain that I would live easily with 5/6 rate. Now, even if it's a bit easier, I can say it is still very hard, most of all because of the constancy. 

I had a Spike of sadness and fear of the future this afternoon, cried and then tried To focus on acceptance.

I think I made a step in acceptance,  it is a really tiny one but I may be less fighting against my situation.

 

It's hard To not Feel stuck and To keep hoping after 2 weeks of wave. And hard To face the fear of a wave which could last long .

I reread often Rhiannon and Sass's posts and it helps me To stop overanalysing. 

 

(Not complaining : as i'm alone, it just  helps me To talk about my day To somebody).

 

I'm supposed To get back back To work next monday and thought about it Today. On one hand it could be a way to find distractions, on the other hand I don't Feel strong enough, mostly because of anxiety/agoraphobia/Being around too much people all day.

So I think I Will postpone work again.

 

Well, dear survivors, I hope you are doing ok on your side and wish you all terrific Windows   😘🤗

[Sassenach]

Hi Erell

 

5 minutes ago, Erell said:

I can say it is still very hard, most of all because of the constancy. 

 

The constancy is happening because the changes / windows felt  earlier are now being followed by a period where your brain is readjusting.

Once it has done that it will move on and maybe another window.

9 minutes ago, Erell said:

I think I made a step in acceptance,  it is a really tiny one but I may be less fighting against my situation.

In W/D every step is a tiny one because every change in the brain cascades others until we are healed.

 

10 minutes ago, Erell said:

Not complaining : as i'm alone, it just  helps me To talk about my day To somebody

Talk, complain, whinge or laugh it is ok with us, we can always ignore you👿, dont mean it really🤗.

 

12 minutes ago, Erell said:

So I think I Will postpone work again

Good idea, you do not need the stress at the moment.

 

Sass

[Erell]

Hi Sass ! 

 

Yes for sure, every steps are tiny ones !

Maybe méditation about acceptance is starting To help...😉 even if it doesn't, at least I take a moment everyday To thank my body for all the hard work he is doing!

 

9 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

 and maybe another window 

 

I don't like the "maybe" part, so I Will just read " and another window "  😇

'Maybe' would mean I'm stuck forever! 

 

How it is in Scotland? Still enjoying a great sun ?

Here the sun has been very shy Today but it was nice To see some little blue part in the sky! Went to the sea and let the sun caress a bit my cheek...so Nice !

 

Have a great evening ! 

 

( I've search the significance of Sassenach...so you're a fake scottish! 😄)

[Sassenach]

1 minute ago, Erell said:

I've search the significance of Sassenach...so you're a fake scottish! 😄)

I'm totally fake

[Erell]

@Sassenach : hmm.. can I ask why you said  "maybe a window' ?

 

I'm sorry, I try To reason myself before bedtime.

[Sassenach]

Overa-------- again🤣

 

I just mean I cannot predict the course of recovery, but I can tell you windows will come.

 

Lullaby preparation time for you young lady.

 

Sleep well

 

Sass

[Erell]

Totally overa........ again !!!! Just when I wrote I made a step in acceptance 😇😄

 

Anyway, thank you for your reply 😉😚

[mustafa]

13 hours ago, Erell said:

@mustafa : I'm not sure I understand Well what you mean. Do you  mean that, as I want To live normal life,  I must be in a window ?

If so  : no I'm not in a window I already experienced Windows,  and it was like if a big fog in my head was going away (very very pleasant feeling ! Like a cloudy sky that lighten a bit 😍)

So I know I'm not in a window because the sky is very cloudy in my head all time. But yes, I still want To live ! 

 

 

Diary Thursday 31 October  / day 37 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

6.30am: woke up anxious (6). Slight anxious sleep until 7.30am. 

7.30am  : 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

8am : anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 6 / despair: 5

11am : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5. Less intrusive thoughts. 

1pm : anxiety  : 6 / restlessness: 6 / despair: 5.

3pm : cry. Suicidal thoughts. I decided To go To the sea take a walk To change the Channel. I managed but was hard because of anxiety. 

5pm : anxiety: 6 / despair: 5 / restlessness: 5.

7pm : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

8pm : bedtime. 

10.30pm : anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 4 / despair  : 5.

 

Lights off at 11pm. Woke up at 4 am, managed To go back To sleep and woke up with alarm this morning at 7.30am. 

 

🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️

 

I mean that it is not a must to feel 'cloudy sky that lighten abit' despite that I like this feeling as well😂, but it is really not a must, I give a reason to this that my brain is healing faster and windows are not now about restlessness degree or anxiety degree, but they may be in my behaviour. Any way, I think the late you have a window, the bigger you have a window so keep going ❤️

[AuntieBea]

Dear Errel,

 

I am wishing you a very sweet sleep.... I know it is late there in Brittany. It’s even getting to be my bedtime here!!!

I see that each day still has its struggles for you. This has been a long wave. But you are clearly “hangin’ in there” as we say, and getting stronger because of it.

 

Something I notice about myself is that as time goes by I am able to handle certain symptoms better, with less anxiety, because I am more familiar with them. When they first started to occur last spring, they were especially frightening and disturbing because I had never had anything like that happen before. Like the never-ending palpitations...I was worried sick about them back then. But now, even though they are still every bit as noticeable, I’m just not upset by them anymore. They are just “there”...if you know what I mean. Wonder if you experience this as well...?

 

7 hours ago, Erell said:

Yes for sure, every steps are tiny ones !

Maybe méditation about acceptance is starting To help...😉 even if it doesn't, at least I take a moment everyday To thank my body for all the hard work he is doing!

I really appreciate your perseverance and determination to keep working at it...to keep getting better at doing this withdrawal and tapering project (that’s a funny thing to call it, but hopefully you know what I mean). Don’t underestimate how strong you are Erell. 

You’re going to come out the other side of this just fine. 

 

Well, I am going to say good night for now....

❤️ AuntieBea

[Erell]

9 hours ago, mustafa said:

 Any way, I think the late you have a window, the bigger you have a window so keep going ❤️

Haha I hope so ! 2 weeks wave..next window should be amazing then !  😍😉

 

5 hours ago, AuntieBea said:

Wonder if you experience this as well...?

 

Accepting that "they are just there" is What I'm trying To do by practicing méditation. I don't have physical symptoms like palpitations, or pain. Or if I have, I usually totally accept them because I found them easier than my emotionnal state 😉 My main symptoms are emotionnal  : anxiety, dépression. I find it hard To "just live with " as they are symptoms that totally invade the mind.

But I keep trying

 

Thank you for your support ❤

[Erell]

Diary Friday 1st November/ day 38 on 10mg Paroxetine

 

7.30am: woke up with alarm, took 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

9am : anxiety: 6 / despair: 5 / restlessness: 6.

11am : anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5 . Painfull legs.

2pm : Went To the seaside, took a walk.

At 3pm, crashed in my car,  cried. 

Anxiety: 6 / despair: 6 / restlessness: 6

5pm : anxiety : 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

6.30pm : painfull pelvic area, wonder if my periods are coming.

8pm : bedtime.  Anxiety : 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair : 5.

It Will be the same all evening.

Lights off at 11pm, fall asleep around midnight. Woke up anxious at 7am this morning. 

 

 

 

--》 my periods are here this morning, earlier than expected,  again. Another sweet gift in WD 

 

🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️

[sunnysideup69]

40 minutes ago, Erell said:

 

At 3pm, crashed in my car,  cried.

 

🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️

Are you OK??? 

[Erell]

Oh sorry, I must have not used right English!

 

I did'nt have an accident: i meant that after my walk on the seaside, emotions totally exploded when I arrived in my car.

 

Sorry for this wrong sentence 😳

[sunnysideup69]

3 hours ago, Erell said:

Oh sorry, I must have not used right English!

 

I did'nt have an accident: i meant that after my walk on the seaside, emotions totally exploded when I arrived in my car.

 

Sorry for this wrong sentence 😳

It's OK am glad you didn't have a car crash...I misunderstood. It was an emotional crash, not a physical one. Xxx

[AuntieBea]

Dear Errel,

 

6 hours ago, Erell said:

Accepting that "they are just there" is What I'm trying To do by practicing méditation. I don't have physical symptoms like palpitations, or pain. Or if I have, I usually totally accept them because I found them easier than my emotionnal state 😉 My main symptoms are emotionnal  : anxiety, dépression. I find it hard To "just live with " as they are symptoms that totally invade the mind.

But I keep trying

 

You are so absolutely right about this! And you said it so well. The physical symptoms really ARE easier to live with, get familiar with and accustomed to. I think that’s why I was thinking about that part last night...it’s something that seems to be getting easier for me...they scared me at first because I didn’t know what they were. But having said that, the emotional symptoms really do “invade the mind” just like you say, and make it really difficult to practice the very things that are most helpful, like meditation, mindfulness, even prayer for me.

 

I didn’t mean to minimize your struggles with the emotional symptoms at all...anxiety and depression are utterly debilitating. 

I struggle with these symptoms a lot. Also brain fog, and feeling unreal and dissociated. At these times I feel like my mind has been taken away from me, I can’t utilize it even to help myself. Then it truly does begin to feel hopeless. Other people reminding me that it IS NOT hopeless helps a lot. I just have to trust that they know better than I do in that moment...they are thinking clearly, I am not. 😊

 

You really DO keep trying Errel.  It inspires me to keep trying...! 

Thank you.

 

❤️ AuntieBea

 

 

 

[Erell]

Dear Auntie,

 

Don't worry I know you didn't mean To minimize my symptoms  😉 😙

Keep trying: méditation and mindfulness don't seem To help for now, but I'm sure that in long view it Will give us more and more attention To présent and less mourning !

I often am hopeless too : we have To keep believing that it is NOT hopeless  😘

Have a Nice day!

 

[Rhiannon]

5 hours ago, AuntieBea said:

Dear Errel,

 

 

You are so absolutely right about this! And you said it so well. The physical symptoms really ARE easier to live with, get familiar with and accustomed to. I think that’s why I was thinking about that part last night...it’s something that seems to be getting easier for me...they scared me at first because I didn’t know what they were. But having said that, the emotional symptoms really do “invade the mind” just like you say, and make it really difficult to practice the very things that are most helpful, like meditation, mindfulness, even prayer for me.

 

I didn’t mean to minimize your struggles with the emotional symptoms at all...anxiety and depression are utterly debilitating. 

I struggle with these symptoms a lot. Also brain fog, and feeling unreal and dissociated. At these times I feel like my mind has been taken away from me, I can’t utilize it even to help myself. Then it truly does begin to feel hopeless. Other people reminding me that it IS NOT hopeless helps a lot. I just have to trust that they know better than I do in that moment...they are thinking clearly, I am not. 😊

 

You really DO keep trying Errel.  It inspires me to keep trying...! 

Thank you.

 

❤️ AuntieBea

 

 

 

@AuntieBea and @Erell, please believe me, it is NOT hopeless. I am here right now to tell you that.

 

I saw my therapist today and I am beginning to work on remembering and grieving those awful, horrible years when I was on the drugs and always stopping and restarting them. I also remember my early months and years of withdrawal when I began tapering. And the years after those, when things were getting better.  I want you to know that it was TERRIBLE. I was not a mild case. I was so suicidal, for so many years. If it were not for my daughters I would not be alive today. It wasn't even one day at a time, sometimes it was just one hour at a time, or one minute at a time. I just kept going. I just kept breathing. I just did not die.

 

And it is SO MUCH better now. As you can see I am still on low doses of some meds, but I think I'm experiencing improvement and healing still from the larger reductions years ago. I am not only not suicidal, I am actually happy and grateful to be alive. My life isn't a picnic, I have hard things to deal with and my health isn't as good as I would like. But I am pretty steady most of the time, and SO grateful. I appreciate all the beauty around me. I am able to have good relationships with people. I laugh and cry. I feel like I have a deeper spiritual and emotional understanding of life than ever before.

 

Okay, this has turned into a long tome, but basically just know that any time you want to know if there is hope, look at me, ask me. It will probably take longer than you want it to, but yes, you are going to feel SO much better, and you are going to be happy and love life again. There is a lot of hope. Hang in there and take care of yourself so that when the day comes, you are there to enjoy it. 🙂

[Giulietta]

Hello @Erell @Rhiannon @AuntieBea

 

2 hours ago, Rhiannon said:

The physical symptoms really ARE easier to live with, get familiar with and accustomed to.

 

Anxiety is utterly miserable and happens to now coincide with heart palpitations and tremors in my gut. While these are extremely unpleasant - the anxiety and sometimes near panic are my worst and most consistent WD effect.

 

It may keep you from leaving your house. Calling someone. Doing something you would do all the time. It is compelling and completely irrational.  That being said I'm not sure whether feelings of despair, self-loathing, etc. can sometimes be worse.

 

Last December started this journey with cymbalta -  the MD  told me I would have physical symptoms and that I would have times when I felt I "was going out of my mind." This is a direct quotation. When he said it, I thought to myself, 'oh, ok. good i'll be on the lookout for this.' Well, it didn't do 'it' justice.  I'm glad he told me.   I otherwise don't know what I would have done.

 

That being said - with the power of positivity, determination and knowledge that someone you know, somewhere, is thinking of you and enduring the same situation and pulling for you.

 

Tomorrow morning I will say a prayer for all of us and I will respond to your letter @Erell

 

Hugs,

Giulietta

 

 

[Erell]

@Rhiannon : thank you so much for always Being there To give us hope. I know you had an incredible journey, and I strongly admire your strenght ! I'm so happy you're still alive! You're a real model for me! 

Reading that you are now feeling happy is great comfort ❤

 

Diary Saturday 2nd November / day 39 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

7am : woke up anxious (6)

7.30am: 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

9.30am : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair:5

From 10.50am To 11.40am: Went To the market. Anxiety oscillated between 5 and 6.

12 : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5

From 2pm To 5.30pm : outside ! Went to the bookstore, and spent time on the seaside. Glad i've been able To stay outside! Anxiety stayed mostly at 5 !

8.30pm : bedtime. 

Anxiety : 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5

11pm : anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 4 / despair: 4.

Lights off, fall asleep around 11.30pm, woke up anxious this morning at 7am. 

 

 

 

--》 Yesterday was my first day periods.

--》 managed more To go outside,which I'm proud. Really not easy to Feel so disconnected and To Feel debilitated because of anxiety, but I'm glad I was able t0 make it !

 

--》 Well, 16 day in this wave, hoping for a window soon! Feel really stuck in this state forever😓 !  🏄‍♀️

[Vegalia]

Salut !

 

Oh mais oui tu peux être fière ! 💪 

 

Le temps paraît si long, c'est dur mais : tu as fait des progrès indéniables.

Je suis persuadée, et on lit ceci dans bien des témoignages, que chaque petite chose qu'on est fier d'avoir réalisée, chaque petit moment qui donne un peu de plaisir malgré une souffrance toujours présente aide à aller mieux, même si c'est à pas de fourmis.

 

Au printemps et début de l'été, mes symptômes n'étaient "que" des douleurs dans les membres supérieurs et inférieurs, ainsi que de la somnolence. Malgré ça, sans trop forcer, j'ai fait un peu de jardinage, parfois 20 mn par 20 mn, un peu plus quand j'avais moins mal. Certains jours je pouvais pas mais tant pis.

 

Tout ce que j'ai fait n'a pas fonctionné : le petit potager a été nul cette année. Toutes mes plantations florales n'ont pas pris non plus. J'ai composé avec les mauvaises herbes, mais aussi avec de belles surprises : violettes, coquelicots, boutons d'or arrivés comme par magie alors que je les attendais pas.

Quand je fais le bilan : tant de fleurs ont poussé, beaucoup de boutures ont pris et grandissent. Mon jardin n'a rien à voir avec l'année passée. J'ai fait une sorte de thérapie par le jardin.

 

Saisis tu la métaphore ?

Pour moi guérir, aller mieux, c'est un peu comme cultiver son jardin.

 

Bisous

 

Vega

 

(Hello !   Oh yes you can be proud! 💪   The time seems so long, it's hard but you've made undeniable progress. I am convinced, and we read this in many testimonies, that every little thing that we are proud to have achieved, every little moment that gives a little pleasure despite suffering always present helps to get better, even if it is not ants.   In the spring and early summer, my symptoms were "only" pain in the upper and lower limbs, as well as drowsiness. Despite this, without much force, I did a little gardening, sometimes 20 minutes per 20 minutes, a little more when I had less pain. Some days I could not but never mind.   All I did was not working: the little vegetable garden was bad this year. All my flower plantations did not take either. I composed with weeds, but also with beautiful surprises: violets, poppies, gold buttons magically arrived when I did not expect them. When I take stock: so many flowers sprouted, many cuttings took and grow. My garden has nothing to do with last year. I did some kind of garden therapy.   Do you catch the metaphor? For me to heal, to get better is like cultivating your garden.   Kisses   Vega)

 

[AuntieBea]

Dear @Rhiannon and @Erell and @Guilietta

 

I can’t stop crying here...allowing myself to feel comforted, supported, loved, and yes, hopeful.

Your words of encouragement touch my heart and give me strength and courage.

This is unimaginably hard...but I know that you already know that, which is what helps me to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

 

Thank you all for being here.

❤️ AuntieBea🐝

[Erell]

Good morning. 

 

Diary Sunday 3 Novembre/ day 40 on 10mg Paroxetine

 

7am: woke up anxious (6)

7.30am: 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

8.30am: anxiety: 6 / despair: 6 / restlessness: 6

All morning it Will oscillate between 5 and 6.

1pm : anxiety: 5 / despair: 5 / restlessness: 5.

From 3pm To 5.30pm: Went outside, To the seaside. Oscillation between 5 and 6, mostly 5.

5.30pm  : back home : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

7.30pm : go To bed : don't know what else To do and Feel depressed

8.30pm : symptoms at 5.

9.30pm : anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 4 / despair: 5.

Lights off at 10.45pm, fall asleep quickly.

woke up anxious this morning at 7am. 

 

🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️

[Rhiannon]

Bonne nuit, I'm off to bed Erell, have a good lundi, check in with you later.

 

I notice that even though you're not feeling all that well, your symptoms are most days pretty consistently in that 4 to 6 range, that's good for this stage of things.

[Erell]

Good night sweet Rhiannon 😙

 

[mustafa]

1 hour ago, Erell said:

Good morning. 

 

Diary Sunday 3 Novembre/ day 40 on 10mg Paroxetine

 

7am: woke up anxious (6)

7.30am: 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

8.30am: anxiety: 6 / despair: 6 / restlessness: 6

All morning it Will oscillate between 5 and 6.

1pm : anxiety: 5 / despair: 5 / restlessness: 5.

From 3pm To 5.30pm: Went outside, To the seaside. Oscillation between 5 and 6, mostly 5.

5.30pm  : back home : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

7.30pm : go To bed : don't know what else To do and Feel depressed

8.30pm : symptoms at 5.

9.30pm : anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 4 / despair: 5.

Lights off at 10.45pm, fall asleep quickly.

woke up anxious this morning at 7am. 

 

🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️🏄‍♀️

Good morning erell, 

I see your symptomts severity is down, right? 

You could sleep quickly and this is very good and your sleep improved some♥️. You are about to stabilize; keep going.

Have a nice day, my dear and thank you for advising me to stay with family.

[Erell]

Hi @mustafa !

Yes I am very Lucky To be able To sleep every night : I know that so many here struggle with insomnia, so I'm strongly grateful for these good nights of sleep❤

My symptoms severity is around 5/6 these past days, easier 😍 Still really hard because going out of my flat is a daily challenge, I live in a constant state of anxiety...and wait for a beautiful window To come

However, I have made progress, so I keep hang in there.

 

Have à Nice day my friend!