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Erell: struggling with paroxetine


Erell

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Hello Sweetie @Erell

 

Ack. You have had a tough day. As I am in haste - I havebulletpoints which are faster. Foggy thinking too and want to visit others. :)

  • If we are fired (use the word laid off  due to department changes....I don't know waht they call it in France), so what. We get another job. I used to worry about this too.
  • There are a lot of carer jobs. We can't fill them all in the USA either. Ageing population means increasing jobs for carers
  • YOu are not disabled. We do not have mental health problems. Some a**** prescribed us meds that messed with the neurotransmitters in our brains. The government considers me 'disabled' - and it messes with your head. We will keep reminding you that you are not disabled and you can please do same for me.  ;)
  • Write down all your achievements - past and present. Try to write 50. Then add 50 more. Read them every day. and every night. Thinkg about them until you get a happy feeling about each one.
  • Perhaps envision a future goal andhow you can make that happen  and how good you will feel when you do that.
  • 6 hours ago, Erell said:

    my periods should normally come in next days. Maybe silly but i'm hoping those sad and depressed feelings are there because i'm in PMS,  so hoping i'll get some relief with my periods. 

  • More stinking chemicals at work. The days before our period we are feeling down because progesterone or estrogen increases or decreases. Then when it 'starts' our mood improves because they reverse. In English you might look under menstrual hormal changes in google to learn more. If you want.
  • I am tired of it all too. Every day - afternoon, morning -  fluctuations of syptoms -  we have each otherh for company.

Sometimes staying under the duvet and cryingis a good idea or not. I have to get up and feed my dog so I have no choice. Plus take meds. Some peopel have to take care of kids.

 

Sometimes having something to look forward to is a good idea. For me it used to be getting a croissant and coffee. I particularly like the almondine. ;)

 

Do you eat filled croissants in France - or is it an American thing?

 

Hang in there.

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hi erell, iam sorry you had a tough day. it is frustrating to feel everything will end at a moment but you are surprised you are suffering again, i understand this very well  but as we all believe in healing so, your suffer will end for sure, i know you believe this as well, dont lose hope, i want to remind you with your words to me 'every thing will be a memory', you said this, right?..................hang on, dear.❤️

 

 

 

i wasn't on a certain drug all the period. i took many drugs many times and for no very long period but to simplify.

--fluvoxamine maleate100 mg + amisulpride 200mg------started july 2012 and total taper in february 2015 ( 9 months without drugs then)

--sertraline 100mg -------started november 2015 and total taper (withoud reduction slowly) in november 2016( 4 months withoud drugs then).

--sertraline 100mg + quetiabine 25mg ( started in mars 2016 and for 7 months) then fluvoxamine maleate 100mg again for another 7months and after that a something like to use every drug for 14 days and for about 1.5 years.

--my last drug was trintellix 10 mg ( used it in 12/2018and total taper in 4/2019).

symptomts i have now ( bad concentration and problems in short and long memory+ bad depersonalization).

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Yes what a rough day today! Cried all day, incontrôlable cries, constant desperate intrusive thoughts.

I really Feel psychologically exhausted, don't see the point of this life.

I haven't had this level of despair since a while, so when it happen it always give the feeling that you are not improving at all.

 

I also struggle with a lot of guilty feelings: today, I tried To go outside but I was crying too much in the middle of the street, so I actually spent the day on my couch. And I Feel strongly guilty of not doing more.

 

So here I am, don't know if i'm starting a deeper wave, or if my hormones are playing with me, or if it is both.

I'll see what tomorrow brings. 

 

53 minutes ago, mustafa said:

 i want to remind you with your words to me 'every thing will be a memory', you said 

Mustafa, you're right To remind me this!

Its so weird : when I write those kind of things on others' threads, I actually believe it ! How quickly WD  can change our  mood !

You're an angel To remind me this my friend: it helps me To remind that my oldself is a positive person, so this despair is not the real me.  Thank you ❤

 

@MissyE : thank you for your kind supportive ❤

 

@Guilietta : yes, if i'm fired,i'll get another job. Its just really rough To Cope with judgements of others during WD, and with reproaches. 

We don't eat much filled croissants in France but simple croissants 😉 And what we call "pains au chocolat" 😄

 

 

Hugs To you all my friends, thank you for being there during these rough days ❤

 

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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Salut Erell,

 

Je t'envoie toutes mes pensées.

Ne te sens pas coupable de n'avoir pas pu faire plus aujourd'hui, c'était une journée difficile. 

Tu feras plus un autre jour comme tu l'as déjà fait.

 

Moi aussi je suis beaucoup restée couchée.

J'irai me promener un autre jour.

 

Plein d'ondes positives dans cette galère.

 

Bisous

 

Vega

 

Hi Erell,

 

I send you all my thoughts.

Do not feel guilty about not being able to do more today, it was a difficult day.

You will do more another day as you have already done.

 

I too stayed a lot.

I'll go for a walk another day.

 

Full of positive waves in this galley.

 

Kisses

 

Vega

 

 

2018 : 29 July xanax 0,125x 2 12 Aug 0,25 x 2  28 Aug clotiazépam 5x2 4 Oct Prazepam : 5-5-7,5 to 3,5-3,5-6,5 25 oct 10x3 21 nov 9,5 x3/ Now Taper 2% / 21days = 19 may 2019 7,32x3/ Now 5%/8 days =10 july 5,145 x3 /Now 2% / 21 days = 27 sept 4,75x3/ Now 1%/21 days = nov 4,70 x3 dec 4,65x3 jan 2020 4,60x3 feb 4,50x3 march 4,45x3 april 4,385x3 may 4,32x3 

 

2018 : 29 Aug Venlafaxine 75mg XR 19 sept 37,5mg 4 oct 75mg18 oct bridge sertraline 1 nov Sertraline 50mg slow taper until mi April 2019= 25mg

15 July Escitalopram 5mg 20 Ju 4mg 22 Ju 3,25mg 23 ju 2,5mg  25 ju 2,25mg 8 Aug 2 mg 16 Aug 1,75mg 20 Aug 1,50mg 12 sept 1,25mg 24 sept 1,38mg 28 sept 1,50mg 8 Jan 1, 60mg

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Hi

 

The last two months you have had bad days before your period, soon be over.

2 hours ago, Erell said:

And I Feel strongly guilty of not doing more.

To be guilty you have to do something wrong, you have not, at least as far as we are aware👿

 

2 hours ago, Erell said:

To Cope with judgements of others

Who cares what others think, let them experience W/D they will then understand, sod'em.

 

2 hours ago, Erell said:

"pains au chocolat"

Naughty but nice🤐

Will feel better tomorrow, trust me I am not a Turd🤗

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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Thank you Vegalia and Sassenach for these kind words before going To bed ❤

 

Wish you a delightful night 

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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@Erell, have a wonderful sleep. Did I read some where that you have the Jon kabbat Zinn 'Mindfulness/Body scan' meditation? I highly recommend it for knocking yourself out. Am gonna post it on my thread now....the past three nights, I have started playing it at at 1830 ish and have zonked out into sleep for about 4 hours straight. 

 

 

I'm so sorry you've had a sh*tty day, but of course, it's all normal. For us ;) WD on Monday and Tuesday also had me thinking I was going backwards. Today, I'm much better again. WD tells us lies. You are recovering, your symptoms are wobbling around and changing, and your hormones will be wreaking havoc with you. I also have that in menopause with WD.

 

Get yourself cosy and do your bedtime thing, tomorrow is a new day, sending hugs xxxxx

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped.

 

 

 

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Coucou @Erell

 

Sorry your day was not a better one!

 

4 hours ago, Erell said:

I haven't had this level of despair since a while, so when it happen it always give the feeling that you are not improving at all.

 

 

You have been giving me good advice on this the past few days, thank you. It is hard to apply what we know about WD to ourselves isn't it. I felt like I am sliding backwards and then the terrible feelings are gone in no time. @sunnysideup69 said on her thread that the waves mean  repairing is happening @sunnysideup69 please correct me if I am wrong with the meaning. ;) 

 

You are doing things 'right'. Guilt is a useless emotion anyway. It is like worry. Useless.

 

2 hours ago, Sassenach said:

Who cares what others think,

 

Whether WD - which they are utterly clueless about - or something else - it is what you think. Don't let them have the power to make you feel bad about yourself.  I don't know how to say this in simper English. Maybe @Sassenach can help?

 

4 hours ago, Erell said:

We don't eat much filled croissants

 

It must be an American thing - althogh when I have been in Canadian cities not far from Quebec - they have Patisserie Boulanger (sorry!) which also features filled croissants.... It's hard to get nice flaky croissants too

 

Thanks to @sunnysideup69 for posting Jon Kabat-Zinn.

 

I am looking forward to bedtime too.  Have a good night's sleep

Hugs,

Giuilietta :rolleyes:

 

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Good morning!

 

14 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

. Did I read some where that you have the Jon kabbat Zinn 'Mindfulness/Body scan' meditation? 

Hi Sunny, yes i'm practicing a mindfullness program by Jon Kabbat-Zinn : its an 8 weeks program, the idea is To add every week new exercices.

This week I practice every day : 

- 15 minutes twice a day of mindfullness of Breath.

- 30 minutes of bodyscan.

- mindfullness in daily tasks, which I practice while I brush my teeth.

 

I think it really helps me with intrusive thoughts, but, as you know, sometimes WD is stronger ;)

 

14 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

 

 your hormones will be wreaking havoc with you. 

 

Yes, I think my hormones are playing tricks with me ! My periods were supposed To be there in the beginning of the week, but i'm still waiting ;)

This week I have all the sensations and pain in my pelvic area and a typical invasion of buttons on my chin, so periods should be right there soon 😉 

 

12 hours ago, Guilietta said:

Whether WD - which they are utterly clueless about - or something else - it is what you think. Don't let them have the power to make you feel bad about yourself. 

 

One day Sassenach told me that I Will be surprised by how fast people can forget, and I really hope it is true.

I have intrusive thoughts of permanent damage : fear that things Will never be the same with my family or my friends, and that i'm loosing them and their respect step by step. Now they all see me as a mentally ill and weird person who doesnt do enough To try To get better.

 

About colleagues and boss, I know they don't look at me the same way they did. My boss asked me the other day if I was doing all this just To avoid work ! It is hard To hear this when you're fighting everyday To stay alive! They reproach me this long absence and I know they don't respect me as much as they did. 

 

I know I should try To be less impacted by others judgements, but its really hard when you don't Feel mentally strong at all. I admire you Sassenach for your strenght on this and hope that one day I Will only be proud of myself when I Will think about WD.

 

14 hours ago, Sassenach said:

To be guilty you have to do something wrong, you have not, at least as far as we are aware👿

 

I know, it is a strange feeling, and a useless one, as Guilietta said.

It is an internal voice that makes me Feel guilty about being useless, about the absence of meaning in my days.

For example, Everytime I go on the couch To try to distract with a movie, I have this guilty feeling telling me that I should do things, go outside, try more...

It is a mean voice: I called it Bob To try To put distance 😉🙃

 

 

Wish you all a Nice day ❤

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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Diary Friday 29 November/ day 66 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

7.30am: woke up anxious with the alarm. Painful right knee.

10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule. 

8.40am: Feel sick, like if I have a cold.

Anxiéty: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

10am : Cry, Feel disconnected 

12 : still crying. Mentally agitated. Psychologically exhausted and depressed.

Anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 6.

2pm : despair at 7, still crying. Tried To walk outside but was crying too much in the street so I went back To my flat. 

5pm : still crying. Despair still at 7.

Headache.

Anxiéty: 5 / restlessness: 5.

8pm : bedtime. Headache.

Stopped crying. Highly disconnected, my life doesnt seem To be mine. 

Anxiéty: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 6.

9.30pm : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 4 / despair: 5. Disconnected. 

 

Lights off at 10.20pm, fall asleep around 11pm. Woke up several times during the night but managed To fall back To sleep.

Woke up anxious this morning at 7am. 

 

---》 Cried almost all day, couldn't control my tears. Rough day because of strong desperate feelings and thoughts telling me that I Will never Feel good, or better.

Strong feeling of being back in time, of not improving.

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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26 minutes ago, Erell said:

I know I should try To be less impacted by others judgements, but its really hard when you don't Feel mentally strong at all.

 

I know, it is a strange feeling, and a useless one, as Guilietta said.

It is an internal voice that makes me Feel guilty about being useless, about the absence of meaning in my days.

For example, Everytime I go on the couch To try to distract with a movie, I have this guilty feeling telling me that I should do things, go outside, try more...

It is a mean voice: I called it Bob To try To put distance

 

 

I love that you have a name for that mean voice, Bob! Bob can f*** off! I'm going to name my mean voice 'Mrs Arjan'......we have a really spiteful teaching assistant at work, who is mean to the kids. My nasty, discouraging voice is going to have her name, and everytime I hear that inner dialogue, I'm going to yell 'F*** off Mrs Arjan!'

 

I totally get the struggle with 'meaning' and in this phase, it's really hard. I also hear 'Mrs Arjan' nagging me and saying my days are meaningless, on a bad day. So, I have decided that what gives my life meaning is coming on here, saying kind things to someone struggling, smiling at a passerby in the street, stroking a stray cat. Watering my plants, keeping them alive. I have made my life smaller and that's just how it is, and it won't be that way forever.

 

We DO care what others think of us, we're wired to be social creatures and so we want to be accepted. I'm trying to narrow the range of people whose opinions I let affect me, though. Even when mentally robust, opinions can be hurtful.

Sending you love and hugs from London xxx I'm going out food shopping now and am then going to attempt to clean this flat. I bought a mini Xmas tree and I'm going to drape some lights around it today. Hope you have some nice distractions, too.

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped.

 

 

 

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4 hours ago, Erell said:

One day Sassenach told me that I Will be surprised by how fast people can forget, and I really hope it is true.

 

Hello dear Erell,

 

I forget about it until WD symptoms come back and when I am preparing my capsulesfor the week. @Sassenach is right. Even when I experience some anxiety that is not too bad I tell myself it is temporary and that it will go away (and it does - even though it may come back for an unwelcome visit).

 

Think of it like the seasons in countriese where there are more distinct types of weather. Storms - are like waves which come and go - It is sort of like bad weather!!! Blizzards, Thunderstorms, Sunny days, warm and hot days, etc.

4 hours ago, Erell said:

makes me Feel guilty about being useless, about the absence of meaning in my days

 

I feel same. We all do and we do what we  can when we can. I look at undone stuff around me (like the damn paperwork which yobu have heard of!).Anndn tried to identify  goals of in my life, how I can make them happen (visulization)?,  figure out what more things will make me happier - now and as WD becomes less of an issue in my life.

 

4 hours ago, Erell said:

Everytime I go on the couch To try to distract with a movie, I have this guilty feeling telling me that I should do things, go outside, try more...

 

Treat yourself as you would a 'best' friend - someone you love dearly - think of how gentle you would be with them. Treat yourself as kindly and respectfully and compassioinatley as you do us. It's hard to do.

 

Yesterday I was telling myself I was loser, etc. but it passed.. sad and angry. It's hard to remember the above for myself.

 

3 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I totally get the struggle with 'meaning' and in this phase, it's really hard. I also hear 'Mrs Arjan' nagging me and saying my days are meaningless, on a bad day.

 

Dears @Erell @sunnysideup69-  I think sometimes we are dealt a bad hand in life and that it is the way it is - and it heals in time with good care. Fortunately we have a team of experts on our case. Including ourselves. 

 

4 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Watering my plants, keeping them alive. I have made my life smaller and that's just how it is, and it won't be that way forever.

 

We DO care what others think of us, we're wired to be social creatures and so we want to be accepted. I'm trying to narrow the range of people whose opinions I let affect me, though. Even when mentally robust, opinions can be hurtful.

 

Well said. We do what we can - even if we feel guilty about watching TV! No guilt.

 

And good to take care of osmething or someone else.

 

I know people are approval seekers so it is natural for people to want to accept us into their tribe - particularly if we have a nurturing nature. I think it can be easier now to have our will and personalith  bent to the opinions of others. This is an opportunity to learn skills to learn to know who these people are - I am not sure I know - and how to stand up to the will of others.

 

We learn who our friends are - they are the ones who accept us for who we are - and illnesses - I include WD  is part of us for now.  We don't need toxic personalities in our life - now or ever.

 

We confine our world to doing what we can and more of what makes us happy.

 

I tried keeping my eyes open during meditation - could do part way - it helped. Thaks for the tip @Erell

 

Hugs

Giuilietta


 

 

 

 

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Thank you both for trying To help me, you are very Nice persons.

I admire your strenght.

I Feel deeply stuck, on one hand I want all this To end,  but I know I won't hurt myself because of my parents. I can't imagine be responsible for their suffering, so it is not an option.

On the other hand, I truly don't know why I keep trying. Nobody here can really tell me that I'm gonna Feel normal or good one day, because nobody can predict the future or truly know how our brains work. 

Even if I stabilise one day, I have years of tappering ahead me, years of constant suffering. And I already don't have strenght anymore.

All I hope now to solve it is life giving me the gift To let me go during my sleep.

 

I Will continue To fight for my family, I just wish I'd be stronger. 

I don't know how you all do for keeping your trust in life, I would like To be more like you, and I try.

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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Ma chère Erell,

 

Je suis triste de te savoir comme cela.

Je ne veux rien comparer car chaque personne est différente.

Ceci dit il m'arrive d'avoir aussi de telles pensées.

J'essaie déjà d'espérer une stabilisation et ne pense pas trop au combat futur du sevrage qui viendra en son temps s'il le faut. J'essaie.

Tu es forte Erell. On peut admirer ici les personnes qui ont traversé tant d'épreuves, c'est sûr. Personne ne devrait souffrir comme cela, c'est sûr. Mais se sont-ils toujours sentis assez forts? N'ont-ils jamais eu de mauvaises pensées ? N'ont-ils jamais été désespérés ? Je pense que si probablement et pourtant 

 

Je t'envoie une fois de plus toutes mes pensée, ma main toujours tendue.

 

Bisous. ❤️

 

Vega.

 

My dear Erell,

 

I am sad to know you like that.

I do not want to compare anything because each person is different.

That said, I happen to have such thoughts too.

I'm already trying to hope for a stabilization and do not think too much about the future fight of weaning that will come in time if necessary. I try.

You are strong Erell. We can admire here the people who have gone through so many trials, that's for sure. Nobody should suffer like that, that's for sure. But have they always felt strong enough? Have they never had bad thoughts? Have they never been desperate? I think so probably and yet

 

I send you once more all my thoughts, my hand always tense.

 

Kisses. ❤️

 

Vega.

 

2018 : 29 July xanax 0,125x 2 12 Aug 0,25 x 2  28 Aug clotiazépam 5x2 4 Oct Prazepam : 5-5-7,5 to 3,5-3,5-6,5 25 oct 10x3 21 nov 9,5 x3/ Now Taper 2% / 21days = 19 may 2019 7,32x3/ Now 5%/8 days =10 july 5,145 x3 /Now 2% / 21 days = 27 sept 4,75x3/ Now 1%/21 days = nov 4,70 x3 dec 4,65x3 jan 2020 4,60x3 feb 4,50x3 march 4,45x3 april 4,385x3 may 4,32x3 

 

2018 : 29 Aug Venlafaxine 75mg XR 19 sept 37,5mg 4 oct 75mg18 oct bridge sertraline 1 nov Sertraline 50mg slow taper until mi April 2019= 25mg

15 July Escitalopram 5mg 20 Ju 4mg 22 Ju 3,25mg 23 ju 2,5mg  25 ju 2,25mg 8 Aug 2 mg 16 Aug 1,75mg 20 Aug 1,50mg 12 sept 1,25mg 24 sept 1,38mg 28 sept 1,50mg 8 Jan 1, 60mg

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  • Moderator Emeritus
1 hour ago, Erell said:

Nobody here can really tell me that I'm gonna Feel normal or good one day, because nobody can predict the future or truly know how our brains work. 

Even if I stabilise one day, I have years of tappering ahead me, years of constant suffering.

Erell,

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.  It's true that no one can predict the future, but we really do all heal.  I know you have years of tapering ahead of you (I do too), but it won't all be suffering.  There will be some good parts too.  I know it can feel hopeless but it isn't.  I also know you're feeling exhausted but you have the inner strength to see this through.

 

You're a beautiful soul.

 

Gridley

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Feb. 22: 7.6mg

Taper is 90% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, anti-candida, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Hello @Erell

 

Coucou mon ami Erell,

 

Je suis tres triste (I am very sad) that you feel so terrible now.

 

I went through your posts and found this

 

On 11/19/2019 at 12:03 PM, Erell said:

After my benzo WD, I never felt so peaceful in my life ! 😍 

And during my AD tappering in 2018-2019 I felt like I was discovering myself Again, happier than ever 😍 until last August ;)

 

 

I absolutely believe that  you (and I and @sunnysideup69 and @Sassenach and @Vegalia and @Gridley are going to be better).  @Rhiannon is a shining example of success.  oopos I forgot @mustafa who is also plodding ahead. Your words - and your post up above - which I reread - help me make it through my thoughts of despair and misbehaving neurotransmitters and chemicals.  :)

 

 I think it is 7 or 8 pm in Brittany now - time do  your relaxing nighttime routine - listen to the post @sunnysideup69 , have a warm shower, color, etc.  I am looking forward to my night-time routine starting in 4 hours! And then going to church tomorrow morning, where I pray for your continued recovery, mine and everyone's on SA.

 

 

 

With big hugs

Guiuilietta 🤗

 

 

 

 

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Hello @Erell

 

Coucou mon ami Erell,

 

Forgot to mention, yes, I'm in the tapering for years club too. So we'll all be doing this together and I'll be here supporting you. One day at a time.

 

Hugs,

Your friend in the USA>

Giulietta

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  • Moderator Emeritus
1 hour ago, Erell said:

All I hope now to solve it is life giving me the gift To let me go during my sleep

I have asked before but I will ask again.

The question is not "do you want to die, but do you want to live?"

One day because of this you will be so much more confident and stronger than you are now.

Your caring side will help you become a very special person if that is what you want.

Now sleep routine and bed.

 

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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1 hour ago, Erell said:

Thank you both for trying To help me, you are very Nice persons.

I admire your strenght.

I Feel deeply stuck, on one hand I want all this To end,  but I know I won't hurt myself because of my parents. I can't imagine be responsible for their suffering, so it is not an option.

On the other hand, I truly don't know why I keep trying. Nobody here can really tell me that I'm gonna Feel normal or good one day, because nobody can predict the future or truly know how our brains work. 

Even if I stabilise one day, I have years of tappering ahead me, years of constant suffering. And I already don't have strenght anymore.

All I hope now to solve it is life giving me the gift To let me go during my sleep.

 

I Will continue To fight for my family, I just wish I'd be stronger. 

I don't know how you all do for keeping your trust in life, I would like To be more like you, and I try.

i think i can predict your future and i trust it 100 percent that your suffer will end, secondly, who told you that you will suffer like this in your next taper, it may be easier:huh:, even if you will suffer, you have gains from you taper that will enable you overcome symptomts, getting yourself back will strengthen you, dont worry. you aren't a source of your parents sadness, WD arent permant(dont forget this). everything will end. 

i wasn't on a certain drug all the period. i took many drugs many times and for no very long period but to simplify.

--fluvoxamine maleate100 mg + amisulpride 200mg------started july 2012 and total taper in february 2015 ( 9 months without drugs then)

--sertraline 100mg -------started november 2015 and total taper (withoud reduction slowly) in november 2016( 4 months withoud drugs then).

--sertraline 100mg + quetiabine 25mg ( started in mars 2016 and for 7 months) then fluvoxamine maleate 100mg again for another 7months and after that a something like to use every drug for 14 days and for about 1.5 years.

--my last drug was trintellix 10 mg ( used it in 12/2018and total taper in 4/2019).

symptomts i have now ( bad concentration and problems in short and long memory+ bad depersonalization).

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@Erell

hi erell
I am sad that you are not well.
you are in a period where you do not want to do anything anymore (periods it plays a lot)
and I understand you here, everybody understands you.
and we are all here to support each other.
for we alone know what we are going through.
you're a great girl, you're always here to reassure us
so stp courage and keep fighting.
I kiss you very hard

Deroxat (paxil) 20 mg pour 10 ml

12/14 18 mg réduction de 5% tous les mois 13/01/15 14.4mg 15/08 9,6 mg 16.01 reduction3% 8 mg par mois 16/02 7,8 mg 18.02 3 mg

18.03 2,92 à 3% 5 mai 2018 2,74 mg 3% 5 mai 2018 2,74 mg 3% 5 mai 2018 2,74 mg 3% 5 mai 2018 2,74 mg

 18/06 2,66 mg

26/06/18 2,58 mg en 26 jours

19/03 1,78 mg 15 jours

19/04 1, 64 mg 21 jours

19/05 1,58 mg

24/07/19 1,44 mg

14/08/19 1,4 mg

27/09/19 1,48 mg

10/09/19 retour à 1,58 mg  27/12/19 retour à 1,65mg direct transition to fluoxetine the 11/01/2020 1,65mg

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one more thing to add @Erell, i think during your taper you can reach a time that you can go for work and drive your car, you will be tapering but not banned to do your life actions

i wasn't on a certain drug all the period. i took many drugs many times and for no very long period but to simplify.

--fluvoxamine maleate100 mg + amisulpride 200mg------started july 2012 and total taper in february 2015 ( 9 months without drugs then)

--sertraline 100mg -------started november 2015 and total taper (withoud reduction slowly) in november 2016( 4 months withoud drugs then).

--sertraline 100mg + quetiabine 25mg ( started in mars 2016 and for 7 months) then fluvoxamine maleate 100mg again for another 7months and after that a something like to use every drug for 14 days and for about 1.5 years.

--my last drug was trintellix 10 mg ( used it in 12/2018and total taper in 4/2019).

symptomts i have now ( bad concentration and problems in short and long memory+ bad depersonalization).

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2 minutes ago, rola said:

(periods it plays a lot)

 

Yup!  And here's another reason you feel in the dumps! It magnifies anyone's unhappiness.

 

🤣

 

Hugs 🤗

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Good morning.

 

Honestly Sassenach, no, I don't wanna live. I can't die because of my parents, so I'll live, but there is no desire in me, except the desire of not making my parents sad.

I don't have any impetus, dreams or hope inside me anymore. 

 

I Will continue To wait for the days To end, that's all I can do.

 

Take all good care of yourselves

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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54 minutes ago, Erell said:

 

I don't have any impetus, dreams or hope inside me anymore. 

 

I Will continue To wait for the days To end, that's all I can do.

 

@Erell, trust me, I understand this. I had it on replay for summer 2018, and then again in May-August 2019 on and off. I still get waves of 'life is meaningless.' It's not you......it's WD. Your impetus/dreams/hope is in there still, I promise you, but gets overtaken by WD. This is not you, remember, it's Bob taking over. Bob will definitely start to get less of a grip but it's going to take time, because Bob is the King of Turds.

 

Holding your hand, @Erell xxxxx

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped.

 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Erell

 

Are you feeling any better now?

 

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Sassenach,

 

Not really, I don't know where all these tears come from. Nothing can move me today, or make me hope. I tried To read success stories but all I could think of was the wish To not wake up tomorrow. There is no light inside me.

I have a lot of physical pain too.

As I Said, I won't hurt myself.

I'm just so exhausted.

 

Take care of you. 

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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Hello again @Erell, sorry it's been another crap day. It IS exhausting, the first few months are tough.You will recover. Sending hugs from London xxx

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped.

 

 

 

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9 hours ago, Erell said:

I don't have any impetus, dreams or hope inside me anymore

 

Hello Sweetie,

 

How are you doing today? 

 

I found something intersnting about dreams and goals - maybe you are stuck in a rut as Americans - and maybe the British say. 

 

Sometimes setting a goal -  figure out - or ask others for help -  how to make it happen.

 

In my wave - I'm stuck in a rut - and I am wondering about my future - not just this WD. 

 

I found a link to help set/think of goals.

 

https://reimagine.today/step-5/my-future-hopes-and-dreams/


Bob the King of the Turds @sunnysideup69's brilliant expression will go away.

 

Hugs,

Giuilietta

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Erell. I found your thread today and wanted to write to you. I think you're an invigorating person (and your english is very easy to understand :)). I see that you've been struggling, especially today and it took me back to the first few months of my withdrawal. I just wanted to say, like many here have already said that it will not be permanent. Even if we know that it can be good with occasional reminders.

The one thing for me during WD that would comfort me, was that I was convinced it would pass. And it did pass. I also want to confirm what the others have also said about the whole time you taper will not be suffering. And when you can finally have days of actual happiness it will feel so worth it. Even if you don't feel that at all today, I can almost promise that. 

 

The thing that helped me the most was distractions. It's just about finding the right distraction for you, because that is very individual. For me it was very laidback comedy (youtube) if it wasn't too noisy, and puzzles online. Strangely enough becase I was never into puzzles before that. Doing repetitive easy tasks can be therapeutic as well, it depends. It might feel like a waste of time so it's important to remember that it's to let the brain heal, and that whatever makes you feel at ease during that time is okay and good. 

It's all about waiting it out but you can be sure you won't have to wait forever. As have been said already, we're stronger than we think and that's very true.

 

Take care.

2011-2015: Escitalopram (Cipralex) 20 mg, Voxra 300 mg (quit Voxra in late 2015, no issues)

2016: Started tapering Escitalopram 5 mg at a time, every fourth week

July 24th, 2016: Escitalopram 5 mg

April 2nd, 2017: Quit last dosage (WD worsened a lot)

Ca 6 last months of 2017: Taking Diazepam 15-25 mg irregularly, less than once a month

Ca Dec 2017: Out of Diazepam, i.e free from all prescribed drugs

Now: Still drug free

Supplements: Irregular intake of Omega-3, magnesium, vitamin D.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Good morning. 

Thank you all for your supportive presence.  This weekend was made of tears, I don't know where I was but in a very very dark place I had never known before. This morning Feels a bit easier.

You all tell me this is only temporary, I don't know why but these days my mind doesnt believe it. 

Thank you for telling me To stay strong, I can Feel your strenght.

 

1. Diary Saturday 30 November/ day 67 on 10mg Paroxetine 

7am : woke up anxious

7.30am: 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

9am: anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5. Restlessness in legs.

11.30am: anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

4.30pm : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

7pm : very dark place, huge depressed feelings cry. It Will be the same all evening. No hope, no light anymore.

Lights off at 10.30pm, fall asleep around 11.30pm. Woke up in the night, managed To fall back To sleep. 

 

Diary Sunday 1 December / day 68 on 10mg Paroxetine 

7am : woke up anxious 

7.30am: 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

9am still in the huge depressed feelings. Cry,  no relief.

I Will cry all morning without control. 

unability To have positive thoughts.

2pm : anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 6. Muscles contracted.  Still in the huge sadness.

4.30pm: Same + Tinnitus. 

5pm Same + my body is in wood,  and very painful, especially the back.

Still crying without control.

8pm : bedtime, crying. Body painful, Feel like i'm 90 years old. Tinnitus.

Anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5.

 

Lights off at 10.30pm, fall asleep around 11.30pm. Woke up anxious this morning at 6.30am.

 

---》 I still don't have my periods, should have them since a week. I don't know if my hormones are putting me in such a dark place. 

---》 These huge depressed feelings make me utterly unable To see the big picture, I understand that this morning. Please, apologize me for being so weak. 

 

 

This morning I'm supposed To go To work. I try To convince myself since 2hours, but it seems impossible.

I really don't understand how people do To work during WD, even one morning seems impossible and frightening To me.

 

Wish you all a good day. 

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Good morning

 

Glad you are little better.

 

If you feel well enough go back over your diaries and highlight/colour the start of your periods.

We need to establish whether hormonal changes are having a disproportionate effect on you.

2 hours ago, Erell said:

This morning I'm supposed To go To work. I try To convince myself since 2hours, but it seems impossible.

After the weekend you had it would make matters worse at present.

Look after you.

 

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Erell. Good to hear it's a little better today. Maybe while you are feeling a bit better you can find ways to prepare yourself for the waves. So then you'll know what to do when they come, even if it will be tough either way.

AIso I don't see how you're weak. This situation is very hard and anyone would struggle and many have. It's a strength to be able to go through it like you are now, even if it doesn't feel that way.

 

I've noticed that it seems relatively common for the menstrual cycle to get a little messed up during withdrawal in different ways.

Take care.

2011-2015: Escitalopram (Cipralex) 20 mg, Voxra 300 mg (quit Voxra in late 2015, no issues)

2016: Started tapering Escitalopram 5 mg at a time, every fourth week

July 24th, 2016: Escitalopram 5 mg

April 2nd, 2017: Quit last dosage (WD worsened a lot)

Ca 6 last months of 2017: Taking Diazepam 15-25 mg irregularly, less than once a month

Ca Dec 2017: Out of Diazepam, i.e free from all prescribed drugs

Now: Still drug free

Supplements: Irregular intake of Omega-3, magnesium, vitamin D.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi dear Sass,

 

Well I didn't go To work, I have an appointment with my doctor this Afternoon, I hope he Will prescribe me off work until January. 

 

About periods :

I had a regular cycles until last September, periods every 30 days. I had physical signs (some acne and some pain in pelvic area, +tired the first 2 days) and psychological signs (more sensible before 2/3 days before periods), but nothing overwhelming, it was very tolerable.

 

Since this acute WD :

 

- September : I wasn't keeping logs so I can't tell about my feelings or neuroemotions, except that I was in a bad place.

Periods first day : 14th September.

 

- October : Periods first day : 8 October (25 days after 14th September).

Days before 8th October were rough, lot of despair. After periods, Nice Window for 2 days.

 

- November: Periods first day: 1 November ( 25 days after 8th October).

Reading my diaries I don't see particular changes : I was in the time while I had 5/6 scores everyday. 

 

 

So, if I analyse my periods in October : hormones definitely messed up my émotions and put me in a dark place of despair. 

But if I analyse my periods in November, I haven't noticed a big différence.

 

So it is hard To see a pattern : if there is a pattern with my periods, it Will probably take months before I can really highlight it.

 

All I know for now is that my cycles are obviously messed up : no more 30 days cycle. Since 1 week, I have all the signs that usually announce imminent periods, but they don't come. 32 days today since last periods.

They'll come when they Will want To ;)

 

 

1 hour ago, Sassenach said:

We need to establish whether hormonal changes are having a disproportionate effect on you.

 

I had read some topics about this on SA and it doesnt seem that there is much To do about it.

I'm going To read with attention today.

 

Thank you Sass for being present ❤

 

@Sunnyday : Thanks a lot for your supportive words! I'm glad To read on your thread that you are doing a lot better! It helps me To find some hope Again.

 

 

Take good care.

 

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello Again 

 

So, i've been reading a lot on SA :

 

- having troubles with menstrual cycles during WD is very common. And everything is possible ! Some women suffer more during ovulation, others during PMS. Women has the same pattern every cycle, others notice that it is very different from a month To another. ...

 

- some says that they have every symptôms (acne, pelvic area cramps, mood swing...) but don't have their periods everytime. So it is possible that even if I had all signs last week I may not have my periods this time.

 

- as GiaK says in a topic : she doesnt "recommend people in active WD mess with hormones at all" , so it seems that there is not much To do about it.

 

- however, one supplement in particular seems To be interesting : i've read some women taking evening primrose oil and having good effects on their mood during PMS. 

Others tried and didn't notice any effect. 

I haven't found testimonies on evening primrose oil having worsening effect.

So i'm considering To give it a try at low dose. I have To think about it, i'm always worried about making things worse.

 

Here is for my researches ;)

 

Thank you Again To all of you for your support! ❤

 

 

Being a woman and in WD...what a mess! ;)

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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Hello @Erell

 

It sounds like you are most positive (to me!) this morning. I am very happy to learn this. 

 

Really good idea by SunnyDay. 

 

You are in no way weak for having these feelings. They are neurotransmitters (Bob the 💩misbehaving and not you.  This is a huge challenge and as @Sunnyday said - you are far from alone. It's hard to remember that when we have WD symptoms - it is temporary.

 

4 hours ago, Sunnyday said:

Maybe while you are feeling a bit better you can find ways to prepare yourself for the waves. So then you'll know what to do when they come, even if it will be tough either way.

 

Menstrual cycles make everything worse, for example, seizure control worse - and it would be three times a month that my MDs and I had more  problems. It makes complete sense that WD affects womens' periods.    😬  I did not try primrose oil or other natural supplements.

 

Hugs,

Giulietta 💓

Edited by Guilietta
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@Erell, morning, hope your doc signed you off and wasn't a turd xx

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped.

 

 

 

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