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Erell: struggling with paroxetine

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Sassenach

Erell

 

Are you feeling any better now?

 

Sass

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Erell

Sassenach,

 

Not really, I don't know where all these tears come from. Nothing can move me today, or make me hope. I tried To read success stories but all I could think of was the wish To not wake up tomorrow. There is no light inside me.

I have a lot of physical pain too.

As I Said, I won't hurt myself.

I'm just so exhausted.

 

Take care of you. 

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sunnysideup69

Hello again @Erell, sorry it's been another crap day. It IS exhausting, the first few months are tough.You will recover. Sending hugs from London xxx

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Guilietta
9 hours ago, Erell said:

I don't have any impetus, dreams or hope inside me anymore

 

Hello Sweetie,

 

How are you doing today? 

 

I found something intersnting about dreams and goals - maybe you are stuck in a rut as Americans - and maybe the British say. 

 

Sometimes setting a goal -  figure out - or ask others for help -  how to make it happen.

 

In my wave - I'm stuck in a rut - and I am wondering about my future - not just this WD. 

 

I found a link to help set/think of goals.

 

https://reimagine.today/step-5/my-future-hopes-and-dreams/


Bob the King of the Turds @sunnysideup69's brilliant expression will go away.

 

Hugs,

Giuilietta

 

 

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Sunnyday

Hi Erell. I found your thread today and wanted to write to you. I think you're an invigorating person (and your english is very easy to understand :)). I see that you've been struggling, especially today and it took me back to the first few months of my withdrawal. I just wanted to say, like many here have already said that it will not be permanent. Even if we know that it can be good with occasional reminders.

The one thing for me during WD that would comfort me, was that I was convinced it would pass. And it did pass. I also want to confirm what the others have also said about the whole time you taper will not be suffering. And when you can finally have days of actual happiness it will feel so worth it. Even if you don't feel that at all today, I can almost promise that. 

 

The thing that helped me the most was distractions. It's just about finding the right distraction for you, because that is very individual. For me it was very laidback comedy (youtube) if it wasn't too noisy, and puzzles online. Strangely enough becase I was never into puzzles before that. Doing repetitive easy tasks can be therapeutic as well, it depends. It might feel like a waste of time so it's important to remember that it's to let the brain heal, and that whatever makes you feel at ease during that time is okay and good. 

It's all about waiting it out but you can be sure you won't have to wait forever. As have been said already, we're stronger than we think and that's very true.

 

Take care.

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Erell

Good morning. 

Thank you all for your supportive presence.  This weekend was made of tears, I don't know where I was but in a very very dark place I had never known before. This morning Feels a bit easier.

You all tell me this is only temporary, I don't know why but these days my mind doesnt believe it. 

Thank you for telling me To stay strong, I can Feel your strenght.

 

1. Diary Saturday 30 November/ day 67 on 10mg Paroxetine 

7am : woke up anxious

7.30am: 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

9am: anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5. Restlessness in legs.

11.30am: anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

4.30pm : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

7pm : very dark place, huge depressed feelings cry. It Will be the same all evening. No hope, no light anymore.

Lights off at 10.30pm, fall asleep around 11.30pm. Woke up in the night, managed To fall back To sleep. 

 

Diary Sunday 1 December / day 68 on 10mg Paroxetine 

7am : woke up anxious 

7.30am: 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

9am still in the huge depressed feelings. Cry,  no relief.

I Will cry all morning without control. 

unability To have positive thoughts.

2pm : anxiety: 6 / restlessness: 6. Muscles contracted.  Still in the huge sadness.

4.30pm: Same + Tinnitus. 

5pm Same + my body is in wood,  and very painful, especially the back.

Still crying without control.

8pm : bedtime, crying. Body painful, Feel like i'm 90 years old. Tinnitus.

Anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5.

 

Lights off at 10.30pm, fall asleep around 11.30pm. Woke up anxious this morning at 6.30am.

 

---》 I still don't have my periods, should have them since a week. I don't know if my hormones are putting me in such a dark place. 

---》 These huge depressed feelings make me utterly unable To see the big picture, I understand that this morning. Please, apologize me for being so weak. 

 

 

This morning I'm supposed To go To work. I try To convince myself since 2hours, but it seems impossible.

I really don't understand how people do To work during WD, even one morning seems impossible and frightening To me.

 

Wish you all a good day. 

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Sassenach

Good morning

 

Glad you are little better.

 

If you feel well enough go back over your diaries and highlight/colour the start of your periods.

We need to establish whether hormonal changes are having a disproportionate effect on you.

2 hours ago, Erell said:

This morning I'm supposed To go To work. I try To convince myself since 2hours, but it seems impossible.

After the weekend you had it would make matters worse at present.

Look after you.

 

Sass

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Sunnyday

Hi Erell. Good to hear it's a little better today. Maybe while you are feeling a bit better you can find ways to prepare yourself for the waves. So then you'll know what to do when they come, even if it will be tough either way.

AIso I don't see how you're weak. This situation is very hard and anyone would struggle and many have. It's a strength to be able to go through it like you are now, even if it doesn't feel that way.

 

I've noticed that it seems relatively common for the menstrual cycle to get a little messed up during withdrawal in different ways.

Take care.

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Erell

Hi dear Sass,

 

Well I didn't go To work, I have an appointment with my doctor this Afternoon, I hope he Will prescribe me off work until January. 

 

About periods :

I had a regular cycles until last September, periods every 30 days. I had physical signs (some acne and some pain in pelvic area, +tired the first 2 days) and psychological signs (more sensible before 2/3 days before periods), but nothing overwhelming, it was very tolerable.

 

Since this acute WD :

 

- September : I wasn't keeping logs so I can't tell about my feelings or neuroemotions, except that I was in a bad place.

Periods first day : 14th September.

 

- October : Periods first day : 8 October (25 days after 14th September).

Days before 8th October were rough, lot of despair. After periods, Nice Window for 2 days.

 

- November: Periods first day: 1 November ( 25 days after 8th October).

Reading my diaries I don't see particular changes : I was in the time while I had 5/6 scores everyday. 

 

 

So, if I analyse my periods in October : hormones definitely messed up my émotions and put me in a dark place of despair. 

But if I analyse my periods in November, I haven't noticed a big différence.

 

So it is hard To see a pattern : if there is a pattern with my periods, it Will probably take months before I can really highlight it.

 

All I know for now is that my cycles are obviously messed up : no more 30 days cycle. Since 1 week, I have all the signs that usually announce imminent periods, but they don't come. 32 days today since last periods.

They'll come when they Will want To ;)

 

 

1 hour ago, Sassenach said:

We need to establish whether hormonal changes are having a disproportionate effect on you.

 

I had read some topics about this on SA and it doesnt seem that there is much To do about it.

I'm going To read with attention today.

 

Thank you Sass for being present ❤

 

@Sunnyday : Thanks a lot for your supportive words! I'm glad To read on your thread that you are doing a lot better! It helps me To find some hope Again.

 

 

Take good care.

 

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Erell

Hello Again 

 

So, i've been reading a lot on SA :

 

- having troubles with menstrual cycles during WD is very common. And everything is possible ! Some women suffer more during ovulation, others during PMS. Women has the same pattern every cycle, others notice that it is very different from a month To another. ...

 

- some says that they have every symptôms (acne, pelvic area cramps, mood swing...) but don't have their periods everytime. So it is possible that even if I had all signs last week I may not have my periods this time.

 

- as GiaK says in a topic : she doesnt "recommend people in active WD mess with hormones at all" , so it seems that there is not much To do about it.

 

- however, one supplement in particular seems To be interesting : i've read some women taking evening primrose oil and having good effects on their mood during PMS. 

Others tried and didn't notice any effect. 

I haven't found testimonies on evening primrose oil having worsening effect.

So i'm considering To give it a try at low dose. I have To think about it, i'm always worried about making things worse.

 

Here is for my researches ;)

 

Thank you Again To all of you for your support! ❤

 

 

Being a woman and in WD...what a mess! ;)

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Guilietta

Hello @Erell

 

It sounds like you are most positive (to me!) this morning. I am very happy to learn this. 

 

Really good idea by SunnyDay. 

 

You are in no way weak for having these feelings. They are neurotransmitters (Bob the 💩misbehaving and not you.  This is a huge challenge and as @Sunnyday said - you are far from alone. It's hard to remember that when we have WD symptoms - it is temporary.

 

4 hours ago, Sunnyday said:

Maybe while you are feeling a bit better you can find ways to prepare yourself for the waves. So then you'll know what to do when they come, even if it will be tough either way.

 

Menstrual cycles make everything worse, for example, seizure control worse - and it would be three times a month that my MDs and I had more  problems. It makes complete sense that WD affects womens' periods.    😬  I did not try primrose oil or other natural supplements.

 

Hugs,

Giulietta 💓

Edited by Guilietta
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sunnysideup69

@Erell, morning, hope your doc signed you off and wasn't a turd xx

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Erell

@Guilietta : thank you my friend for your needed support  ❤

 

Diary Monday 2 December/ day 69 on 10mg Paroxetine 

 

6.30am: woke up anxious, but less than usual. 

7.30am: 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

8am : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 4 / despair: 5.

It Will be the same all morning. 

2pm : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5. Tinnitus. Disconnected. 

Went To do some foodshop, quickly because of anxiety. 

4pm : back To my flat after 35 minutes walk in neighborhood. Weird : had a few seconds of terror/dizziness during the walk, then disappeared.

4.30pm anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 4.

5.30pm doctor appointment. 

7pm slight headache. Anxiety : 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5.

8pm : bedtime. Tinnitus, back pain, headache. 

9pm : mum called. Then I cry during 30minutes.

Lights off at 10.30pm,  fall asleep around 11pm. Woke up anxious (5) at 7am this morning. 

 

---》 doctor prescribed me off work until January. Im sad about it, but its also a relief. I really do hope i'll be able To go back To work in January, I need it.

 

---》 mum called last evening: she told me that she has done researches and talks with friends and now know that i'm bipolar, and that my family think I Will be sick all my life. So now i'm the "bipolar girl" of the family.

It was rough To hear : I translated a lot of good informations I found on SA, and wrote them emails To explain them WD and what was happening. 

I thought that they were beginning To understand my situation and accept the unlinearity of WD,  but obviously I was wrong. They now think that I should stop To read silly things about WD on the internet.

I understand their need To put a label on my situation, it probably helps them To accept my limitations. 

But I must admit that it is hard To be labeled by your own family, it makes me Feel very sad and lonely. 

It is hard To find a good balance in relationships : on one hand I think it is important for me during my stabilisation process To make social efforts and see people, and on the other hand interactions are beginning To Feel 'toxic' as friends and family have more and more words that makes me sad and anxious.

I know we are all in the same boat here, but I Feel deeply Alone now.

I also know that I should only live in the now, but déstabilisation has so much changed my life these past months that Im worried about permanent damage in friendships and familyships.

 

 

Wish you all a good day

 

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Erell
16 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

@Erell, morning, hope your doc signed you off and wasn't a turd xx

Hi dear,

Well with this doctor I never know in which mood i'll find him! ;)

He was surprisingly Nice Yesterday.

He doesnt believe in WD, but as he believes Im a dépressive for life, he always prescribe my meds.

Had To lie To him : as last time he  also prescribed me mianserine and Prazepam, he wanted To know how much these meds help me..

I told him that I had a bad réaction To mianserine and stopped it, and that I was taking Prazepam. 

 

I can't tell him that I didn't take them as he would not prescribe me off work if I don't do what he wants..

Not proud but I don't really have a choice.

I'll educate him when i'll Feel stronger  !

 

What a mess ! ;)

 

Hugs To you !

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sunnysideup69
4 hours ago, Erell said:

Hi dear,

Well with this doctor I never know in which mood i'll find him! ;)

He was surprisingly Nice Yesterday.

He doesnt believe in WD, but as he believes Im a dépressive for life, he always prescribe my meds.

Had To lie To him : as last time he  also prescribed me mianserine and Prazepam, he wanted To know how much these meds help me..

I told him that I had a bad réaction To mianserine and stopped it, and that I was taking Prazepam. 

 

I can't tell him that I didn't take them as he would not prescribe me off work if I don't do what he wants..

Not proud but I don't really have a choice.

I'll educate him when i'll Feel stronger  !

 

What a mess ! ;)

 

Hugs To you !

 

That's it, Erell, we have to play the game...I'm glad you have some more time. Also, so sorry about your family 'diagnosing' you....truly, it is so hard to explain to anyone who doesn't understand. One day, I hope it will be common knowledge. In the meantime, main thing is recovery. xxx

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Guilietta

Hello Sweetie,

 

I am very happy to see your posts today that you are online with us. I think about how you are doing.

 

I spent some time writing to @coldturkey - some in German - so it took more time but was improtant to do. He is also having a hard time. 

 

I am sorry you feel sad and alone. You are neither sad nor alone with us. You are a gem and our friend. If we lived in Brittany with you - we'd  be visiting together. I'd bring the croissants. You could get the coffee or tea.  ;)

 

I have a few thoughts for you - will write more later - but need to bullet point a few for now:

 

  • @sunnysideup69 is right. Don't let your family diagnose you. I think it is gradual part of them accepting that you have somethign affecting you now - WD - even if they have labeled it incorrectly. I hope you will not play the game to diagose yourself. It just takes you down a rabbit hole and causes you more worry. Remember that @Sassenach says that these are neurotransmitters playing games with your game and I wouldn't givein to the label.
  • That you have more time off work is OK. I keep trying to pick up a little work online - but get distracted. I am doing a little volunteering online. It helps me focus when I can.
  • Psychiatrists like to put labels on people (and put is in boxes) because it makes it easier for them to bill insurance companies! They don't care what the label is I think.
  • Psychiarists can also excuse WD and more easily justify writing prescriptions. They don't believe in WD, that it is so long and has such severe symptoms. Thjere is in the states (I don't kow if in UK or other) the DSM5. It keeps growing and I can only suspect why.My point here is that I think that it keeps growing is nutty. It is done by the American Psyciatry Association. Don't bother to look at it - just know it's here and quite lengthy. That is why I posted it so you know it is thee and garbage. It is used to help MDs put  us in boxes and bill insurance. https://dsm.psychiatryonline.org/pb-assets/dsm/update/DSM5Update_October2018.pdf
  • Good girl for handling the MD as you did.
  •  
5 hours ago, Erell said:

t is hard To be labeled by your own family, it makes me Feel very sad and lonely. 

It is hard To find a good balance in relationships : on one hand I think it is important for me during my stabilisation process To make social efforts and see people, and on the other hand interactions are beginning To Feel 'toxic' as friends and family have more and more words that makes me sad and anxious.

I know we are all in the same boat here, but I Feel deeply Alone now.

I also know that I should only live in the now, but déstabilisation has so much changed my life these past months that Im worried about permanent damage in friendships and familyships.

 

It is hard to grasp - but 'understanding' is there problem, not yours, whatever 'thing' you might have - anxiety, WD, or what. As far as any other 'lifetime' dianosis - our grandparents and parents lived with feelings of anxiety and depression and they didn't have these diagnoses or 'medications.'

 

Any diagnosis or health condition you may be legitmately diagnosed with (colitis, epilepsy, muliple sclerosis, diabetes or some other dumb thing - which requires a lot of evaluation and opinions)  is your business - not anyone else's - not your family's or friends'.  Anyone with a chronic illness - for instance ike me, like @Gridley if you read his profile - we are not defined by our illness. When I feel like sharing mine with people I am comfortable with - I do.

 

A 'lifelong' diagnosis  is more b.s. from the medical establishment. Families often defer to MDs and authority figures - thinking that they ahve the answers. Well - they are wrong. Look what they did to you, me, and others on this site with ADs.

 

Sorry about going on a roll.  It may take you a full day to read. ;) I feel really strongly about how we have been abused by these people.

 

It is a winter wonderland here. I dont know if you get much snow in Brittany. It's cold here so unfortunately it stays like this for months and the snow just gets deeper.

 

You are NOT alone. Your friends and family love you.

 

Giulietta
 

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sunnysideup69

I agree with @Guilietta.

During psychotherapy training ( which is NOT diagnostic), we had to undertake 4 lectures with a psychiatrist based on the DSM 5. Not because psychotherapists use it, but because we need to know how psychs diagnose. 

The DSM5 is laughable. Psychs tend to stick the 'bipolar' tag onto people who are 'treatment resistant' ie having the wonky reaction to antideps that I've been having and many of us here. We're not bipolar, we're recovering from iatrogenoic damage......gah! And unfortunately Dr. Google makes everyone a closet psychiatrist.

 

You could point your family in the direction of these psychiatrists on youtube  or the internet, although you may have done already....Dr. Peter Breggin and Dr, Kelly Brogan, both of whom understand the disequilibrium that psych drugs actually create. 

Sending more hugs over the internet. 

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MissyE

Errell,  I'm sending you peace and love.  I'm feeling crap, so can't think of how to word what I want to say.  Except l understand about family and it's good you have more time off work.

Missy x

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Guilietta
29 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Dr. Peter Breggin and Dr, Kelly Brogan, both of whom understand the disequilibrium that psych drugs actually create. 

 

BINGO! I've seen much of this before where the ADs and getting off them causes what they want to label or 'diagnose' as bipolar 'disorder'. Well said @sunnysideup69

 

In many instances IBS (syndrome or disorder - used when their is no real diagnosis) is the same. Psych is nonesense because it is clinical and subjective evaluation. Drugs cause a disequilibrium

 

This is of course the last I knew aobut this - as I was diagnosed with IBS syndrome / disorder. Truth be told I have issues triggered by anxiety and poor diet (in general).  I had the usual GI tests. All results negative. :).

 

@Sassenach related the issue between neurotransmitter dysfunction causing physical symptoms (with negative findings) - if I recall correctly. ICD-9 is anotehr convenient way to bill and track often incorrect labels medical issues over large systems and prescribe useless meds. I'm a bit of a cynic about this.

 

I used to work in MDs office. One MD I worked with referred to patients as 'the walking well.'

 

Thanks for sharing about your training @sunnysideup69

 

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Sassenach

Hi Erell

 

On 12/2/2019 at 10:58 AM, Erell said:

November: Periods first day: 1 November ( 25 days after 8th October).

Reading my diaries I don't see particular changes : I was in the time while I had 5/6 scores everyday.

You may have been having 5/6 scores but check your post of 30 Oct, mention of SI.

It is worth continuing to monitor even if only for those of us watching you.

On 12/1/2019 at 8:54 AM, Erell said:

Honestly Sassenach, no, I don't wanna live.

You take a deep dive into a black hole which was incompatible with the days around even for W/D.

 

7 hours ago, Erell said:

Had To lie To him : as last time he  also prescribed me mianserine and Prazepam, he wanted To know how much these meds help me..

I told him that I had a bad réaction To mianserine and stopped it, and that I was taking Prazepam. 

 

I can't tell him that I didn't take them as he would not prescribe me off work if I don't do what he wants..

Not proud but I don't really have a choice.

I'll educate him when i'll Feel stronger  !

You are learning fast. If the system works against you, then you have no choice but use it to your advantage.

8 hours ago, Erell said:

It was rough To hear : I translated a lot of good informations I found on SA, and wrote them emails To explain them WD and what was happening. 

SA is in the minority, we are round earth to the Medical professions flat.

If our species does not understand something we stick a label on it so the docs know which meds to give us.

Your parents and friends will get a pleasant surprise when they see you improving further, and you will.

You are already bouncing back after a tough weekend.

You have done everything right, everything we have asked of you, your reward is coming.

 

Sass

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Erell

Hello my dear friends,

 

Actually I don't believe in labels : I completely believe in WD and in the dangerousness of psych meds.

Doctors once told me I wouldnt be able To live without benzos because of my "illness", and since 2017 I prove them wrong.

I utterly agree with SA on every point, and that's why I do what is told me. The only advices I trust is the ones I get here, and i'll never thank enough Altostrata for taking the time To create this place.

 

Its just that is hard To be labeled by family, it is a reminder of how lonely we are in this journey. But as everything, acceptance must be the key (obviously i'm still learning ;) ).

 

11 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

You take a deep dive into a black hole which was incompatible with the days around even for W/D.

Yes Sass, It was a very very dark hole last weekend, a frightening place. 

And Guess what? Have my periods since noon today! And having a decent day today.

So, obviously, my PMS is worsen by WD! (see your luck here dear Sass? 😄).

I'll have To remind this next month.

It makes me consider seriously evening primrose oil as women shared good effect on their mood on SA.

I think i'll start tomorrow with a low dose. 

 

 

Again, thank you all for holding my hand last weekend ❤ I can't tell you how much your strenght help me.

 

@Guilietta : i'm a bit jealous : I love Snow and we don't get Snow every year in Brittany  🙃

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Sassenach
5 minutes ago, Erell said:

luck here dear Sass?

Its not luck, I am just brilliant, unfortunately I am the only one who thinks so.😇🤗

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Guilietta
25 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

SA is in the minority, we are round earth to the Medical professions flat.

If our species does not understand something we stick a label on it so the docs know which meds to give us.

 

I've done enough blabbing for one day. But - SA gets 400K hits a month. 10,000 registered users. 400 active users @Sassenach do I have this right? SA is running around the medical profession, believe me.

 

And most people (even the so called educated ones - including MDs) are mentally lazy. It takes too much to understand something.  So we need to educate them repeatedly.

 

And I think you are working on a book of some kind on this?   :)

 

 

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Guilietta
12 minutes ago, Erell said:

Have my periods since noon today! And having a decent day today.

 

12 minutes ago, Erell said:

I'll have To remind this next month.

Maybe you can put a reminder on your fridge :)

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Sunnyday

I'm sad to hear about the situation with your family @Erell . When people disbelieved me or put labels on me I felt extremely hurt and like they minimized the suffering I was in. I also felt disrespected. Some apologised later on, some stuck by their version and this resulted in me eventually keeping this to myself most times. Because talking about it and not being believed the majority of the times was so frustrating and hurtful.

This included some family members and like you say it's all about acceptance. You seem to be very understanding, knowing that they're trying to figure out the situation. Like Guilietta says you're not alone, even if all this can feel very lonely. I think you're handling all this very well.

 

I hope the primrose oil works out for you, if it does I might consider it myself!

 

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Erell
6 minutes ago, Guilietta said:

And I think you are working on a book of some kind on this?   :)

Yes I am...it is a presumptuous idea ! But the dream of making family, friends, people understand WD and the dangerousness of these meds helps me To hang on 🙃

 

@Sunnyday : thank you for your words, they help me ! ❤

"felt direspected" : that's exactly what I Feel ! And it is hurtfull as you said.

i'll keep you on touch about Evening primrose oil ;)

 

Cold evening here, good day or night To all ❤

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Rhiannon
On 12/1/2019 at 12:54 AM, Erell said:

Good morning.

 

Honestly Sassenach, no, I don't wanna live. I can't die because of my parents, so I'll live, but there is no desire in me, except the desire of not making my parents sad.

I don't have any impetus, dreams or hope inside me anymore. 

 

I Will continue To wait for the days To end, that's all I can do.

 

Take all good care of yourselves

Oh honey, I am so sorry you're going through this. Believe me, I have been there many times. It's another symptom of the withdrawal.

 

Please just hang in there and walk through your days one at a time. You will emerge from this darkness. One day you will be happy again. I know you can't believe it now. That is why we are here to believe it for you. Your future self is also calling out, saying "hold on, you can do this!" She is out there waiting for you and SO grateful to you for the gift you are giving her.

 

At this time it is probably very difficult to see any hopeful possibilities. That is also a symptom of withdrawal and is very normal. I am not going to try to talk you out of your dark thoughts, because I know from experience that those thoughts are a symptom of withdrawal and they are not touched by logic.

 

However, I am going to put this here for you to come back to when you need to read it:  I have seen many people come through this darkness that you are in, and emerge on the other side. With your history there is every reason to believe that you will do the same. All you have to do is keep going, one day at a time.

 

Don't worry about the future taper, it will be much much easier than this. A slow, safe taper is really not too bad. It is nothing like what you are experiencing now.

 

Hang in there cherie.

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Cocopuffz17

@Erell I know exactly how you feel with the family aspect. I have had my mother watch me go through this for the last 13 months. From laying in bed for 14-16 hrs a day for a few months to being way better and my autoimmune disease reversing. But when I bring up PAWS she has no interest in believing it. She has watched it first hand and still doesn’t believe it.  Remember it is true and it’s your goal to get through this.... and you will! Keep going! Sometimes your closest friends/family are the most detrimental part in achieving your goal with their limited mindset. As everyone has said.... this site would not exist if doctors knew the proper way to get off these medication and the long term withdrawal implications associated with them.  Everyday that passes is another day closer to being healed! Have a great day! 

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Sassenach

OK

Busy day.

Bedtime routine.

Want to see no more than 5 for diary tomorrow with a couple of 3s for good measure.

Dormez bien Ma Chere.

 

Sass

Edited by Sassenach

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Guilietta
4 hours ago, Sunnyday said:

When people disbelieved me or put labels on me I felt extremely hurt and like they minimized the suffering I was in. I also felt disrespected.

 

Quite true. Until you said it - I forgot that I felt disrespected (and more) by some of my family.  I felt hurt, shame, and bewildered.  It feels so awful @Erell Eventually they came to accept this. I do try and hide the bad days from them.

 

Some did understand that WD involved suffering  but not the medical reality of it. They are bewildered that I was on these meds.

 

4 hours ago, Erell said:

is a presumptuous idea ! But the dream of making family, friends, people understand WD and the dangerousness of these meds helps me To hang on

 

Bah! It is not a presumptuous idea. It is a realistic goal. It is an attainable goal. It is trackable - you can see how you are doing. That being said - I don't know how to start - but you can find information online. You can publish an ibook to get you started and a sense of accomplishment. Even with your story to start with.

 

Today is the first 'good' day in several. A good one is in your future too. :)

 

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Erell

@Rhiannon : thank you my dear, it is so Nice To know that people believe for me when I can't ❤

@Cocopuffz17 : thank you for your words ❤

@Guilietta : yes I work hard on writing, I'll let you know how it goes 😘

 

14 hours ago, Sassenach said:

Want to see no more than 5 for diary tomorrow with a couple of 3s for good measure.

No 3s ! But I hope they are coming...🤗

 

Diary Tuesday 3 December / day 70 on 10mg Paroxetine 

7am: woke up anxious, but less than usual 

7.30am: 10mg Paroxetine + 1 fish oil capsule 

8.30am: anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5. Neck pain.

10.30am: anxiety: 4 / restlessness: 5 / despair: 5. Tinnitus. Neck pain and headache.

12 : Periods start. Anxiéty: 4 / restlessness: 4 / despair: 5.

Legs pain. 

From 2.30pm To 5pm thanks To low anxiéty, I went To work. It went Well!

Anxiety oscillated between 4 and 5.

7pm : anxiety: 5 / restlessness: 4 / despair: 4. Legs pain and classical belly pain because of periods.

8.30pm: bedtime. Anxiéty: 4 / restlessness: 3 / despair: 4.Tinnitus. 

 

Lights off at 10.30pm, fall asleep around 11pm/11.30pm. Woke up anxious this morning at 7am, but still a bit less anxious. 

 

---》 Yesterday was a very décent day.

The association I work for had an Event all Afternoon, so I went there. I was anxious about it but it went Well, and people were Nice.

---》 quite amazed that only 2 days ago I was in such a dark place because of my periods coming 😮 Even if I don't believe in labels, I understand why people around me do : WD unlinearity utterly correspond To a bipolar définition!

---》 my sweet nights are back 😍 so Nice!

 

Well, let's hope for more decent days like this !

 

Wish you all a Nice day ❤

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rola

hey  erell
Glad you went to work. I hope it felt good.
continues as follows 
have a good day 😘

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Guilietta

Hi there!

 

Here's hoping for another nice day and a good night's sleep to look forward to. :)

 

2 hours ago, Erell said:

The association I work for had an Event all Afternoon, so I went there. I was anxious about it but it went Well, and people were Nice.

 

Hoorah! I am glad you enjoyed it and - to no one's surprise - people were very happy to see you!

 

2 hours ago, Erell said:

quite amazed that only 2 days ago I was in such a dark place because of my periods coming 😮 Even if I don't believe in labels, I understand why people around me do : WD unlinearity utterly correspond To a bipolar définition!

 

WD symptoms do have similarities to the definition of bipolar. @Gridley would you say?

 

I am glad you are taking some steps on your book. It seems like it is your or a passion and will helpe propel you forward into a bright future.

 

Hugs,

G

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Gridley
1 hour ago, Guilietta said:

WD symptoms do have similarities to the definition of bipolar. @Gridley would you say?

 

Yes, and psychiatrists love the bi-polar label.  No telling how many people in WD got labeled bi-polar and loaded up on more drugs.

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Sassenach
8 hours ago, Erell said:

The association I work for had an Event all Afternoon, so I went there. I was anxious about it but it went Well, and people were Nice.

Hi Erell

 

How has today been?

 

People are nice, they just do not understand.

8 hours ago, Erell said:

quite amazed that only 2 days ago I was in such a dark place because of my periods coming

Now we know this we can remind you when the time comes.

 

8 hours ago, Erell said:

Even if I don't believe in labels, I understand why people around me do : WD unlinearity utterly correspond To a bipolar définition!

Labels, W/D, all irrelevant in the big picture. You are a young woman who is getting better, everyone will recognise that in due course.

You have beaten Benzos, will beat this and be stronger for it.

 

Sass

 

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Erell
1 minute ago, Sassenach said:

Hi Erell

 

How has today been?

 

Good evening dear Sass!

Well today was a mild day, but nothing extreme.

I tried To walk outside but all day I had a weird mix of anxiety/weakness/dizziness. Maybe my periods are tiring me.

Spent the day doing puzzle and listening to podcasts To wait for the end of it 😉

Since 5.30pm I have a mild wave of sadness,melancholia with intrusive thoughts about family and memories of childhood. 

Will see what tomorrow brings ;)

 

At noon I took 250mg of evening primrose oil, so far I can't tell about any changes. I Will take this dose during 3-4days, see how it goes, and I'll slowly increase, and see during one month if it offers me some good changes.

(1000mg is the usual dose recommended). 

 

Thank you Sass for reminding me that I'll get better 😙

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