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Erell: struggling with paroxetine

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Sassenach

 

Hi Erell

9 hours ago, Erell said:

qu'il piquait toutes ses blagues à des humoristes américains!

 

 

I managed to translate the rest, but not this bit.

What does it mean please.

Good way to refresh my french a little bit:rolleyes:

 

Has the magnesium arrived yet?

How are you feeling today?

What symptoms have you had?

 

Sass

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Erell

Hey Sass!

It means that there has been a scandal in France because it seems he has stolen his jokes from American humorists ;)

 

1. The magnésium citrate arrived 2 days ago : I'm scared of taking it. I Feel improvments, and I'm too afraid of messing it if I take something new..I read some people here who can't stand magnésium...

 

2. Today has been a good day : still in my  flat, but lower anxiety. Some waves of despair, but lower than yesterday.

And, more important To me : no more terror that makes me crazy!

 

3. Now : anxiety is at 5 / despair at 5 too. I also have some strange nostalgic feelings, but tolérable.

 

There are my biggest symptoms. I sometimes have restlessness in legs and shakings teeth, but very lower than a week ago and tolerable. 

I still have a lot of fears : Will I be able To go back To work in 1 week? Will I be able one day To share pleasant time with friends? Will I Feel that I'm a part of this world? Will I be able To Feel joy again?

But I know this is due To negative intrusive thoughts and that I have To be patient.

 

I would like To force myself To go more outside of my flat, but I also have To be patient on this.

 

Good news  : I took a loooooong warm shower this afternoon! Not proud, but I did'nt clean my body or face in a week..sounds silly but I just couldn't.

 

Oups Sass, here I am again with m'y long messages! ;)

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Sassenach
54 minutes ago, Erell said:

I'm too afraid of messing

Was going to suggest you do not start taking it.

Better to wait and see if you need it.

56 minutes ago, Erell said:

have restlessness in legs and shakings teeth

Normal symptoms in W/D.

 

57 minutes ago, Erell said:

Will I be able To go back To work in 1 week?

Cannot answer that, one day at a time, for now you are doing great.

58 minutes ago, Erell said:

Will I be able one day To share pleasant time with friends? Will I Feel that I'm a part of this world? Will I be able To Feel joy again?

Can answer this yes, yes and yes, think positive, you have made a great start.

 

59 minutes ago, Erell said:

would like To force myself To go more outside of my flat, but I also have To be patient on this.

Don' force yourself, you could create unnecessary anxiety.

Listen to your body,  the moment will come when you want to go outside, that is the right time.

 

1 hour ago, Erell said:

Good news  : I took a loooooong warm shower this afternoon! Not proud, but I did'nt clean my body or face in a week..sounds silly but I just couldn't.

Don't know what to say to this, the only joke I know would not translate well:blush:

 

1 hour ago, Erell said:

Oups Sass, here I am again with m'y long messages!

Better than the short messages when you were were feeling awful.

 

Sleep well, tomorrow is another day.

 

Sass

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Erell

Hey Sass!

1. Ok, I won't take magnésium for now!

 

2. I know you can't answer, just expressing my worries. ;)

 

3. Yes I have to think positive! You're so right, I'm starting a 'gratitude journal' : every night, find 3 positive things in my day.

 

4. I don't understand when you say "you have made a great start" : actually I take 10 mg of Paroxetine since August 22nd, so it's been on month. I messed up by adding a lot of suppléments, but I changed dose of Paroxetine To 15mg only 2 days. So, it really is all these suppléments who made me so bad?

 

I'm not complaining ;) just trying To understand what is the "start" you're talking about, To make sure I really understand the process. And trying To understand how these supplements could make me Feel so bad!

 

5. Haha, I prefer not To imagine what can your joke be ! :)

 

6. I see that you don't tell much about your feelings, and I respect that. Just know that I wish you're doing ok, and think of you!

 

Thank you Sass! I tell you all the time, I don't know how To express how much your support is an important thing in my life right now! 

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carefulprayerful

Is it possible to introduce food containing magnesium, like seeds?

Le soutien qu'on a ici est sans prix.  Je suis contente de lire que tu commences vraiment a aller mieux!  Connais-tu Cyprien? 😙

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carefulprayerful

Je pensais a toi et je me suis dit, peut-être qu'il y a plus d'un Cyprien...voilà celui dont j'ai parle avant: http://www.cyprien.fr/.  Je ne savais pas ce que tu as dit de Gad Elmaleh!  Je ne suis pas au courant apparemment. Continue a te focaliser sur le bien et fais les choses qui donnent du réconfort et dis moi si tu trouves, un jour, une vidéo qui explique comment faire glittery eye shadow parce que ça a l'air vraiment trop compliqué!

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Erell

Hello!

Well what a misérable night...

I fell asleep at 1am, and woke up at 2am with violent anxiety and despair, feeling like i was going crazy. Finally fell asleep again and then woke up every hour with this terrible anxiety, terror.

Made awful dreams, horror movies. 

 

I woke up again  at 7.30 am, anxious and despair.

 

Could this be a waves and Windows pattern? I don't understand what is happening. So afraid. At least I used To sleep Well.

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Sassenach

 

Hi Erell

How many days is it since we dropped the dose to 10 mg?

Are The Terror and anxiety symptoms the same as a couple of days ago?

What were you dreaming about?

Sass

 

Edited by Sassenach

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Erell

Hi Sass

I dropped To 10mg on wednesday 25th Sept,  so Today is day 6.

 

Yes I think terror and anxiety were the same this night than last week.

 

I'm not sure what I dream about : it looked like horror movies, people were killed...

 

Oh Sass I'm so scared! I thought that because the past few days were easier i would be more able To manage anxiety...But I was wrong.

 

Am i in trouble?

 

Thank you so much for your time!

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Erell
2 hours ago, Sassenach said:

How many days is it since we dropped the dose to 10 mg?

Are you asking me because my situation is weird ? Or because you want To remind me that it is too early To Feel better?

 

Am I in a weird situation or is it usual To have this kind of wave ?

 

Sorry for spamming, I'm trying To stop torturing myself but it is hard. I know I ask you a lot.

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Sassenach

Your situation is not weird.

It is Windows and waves.

As soon as we have a good day we think we will just carry on improving even though we know no we won't.

It is natural human behaviour

 

The drug will not reach full state for at least another two days and we will review then.

How are you feeling now.

I am out and about all day today so it will be this evening before I am available to comment much further.

Keep believing.

 

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Erell

Thank you Sass!

 

I am a bit reassured by the fact that m'y situation is not weird. Yes you're right, because it was improving, I thought it would continue To improve.

 

Now : anxiety at 6 and despair at 7.

 

I don't wanna stop believing. I'm just so scared about everything.

 

So glad To read you can be out all day, enjoy it!

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Erell

Terror is back again. And I don't know how To get through this. 

I'm gonna have To quit my job. Go back To my parents home. So afraid they could make me go To an hospital, I don't wanna have added drugs.

 

Oh I'm so sorry everybody for these multiple messages! Don't know how To go through the day. I don't have suicidal ideas, but so scared of this terror state! I know you all can't do anything for me. I just need To tell somebody how hard it is and this forum is the only place.

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Sassenach

Stop panicking Erell.

Remember the terror cannot hurt you unless you let it, it is not real just your brain playing tricks.

Tomorrow you will feel different about everything and wonder what is was all about.

Distraction, distraction, distraction

 

Sass

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Erell

I know my brain is trying To stabilize. I don't know how To help him.

 

Its been a month now, stucked into my flat,  hoping badly To get better. I'm exhausted. Not physically but psychologically. And I'm so afraid about future : quit my job, my flat, loosing friends, see fear and sadness in my parents eyes. I know I'm disappointing everybody around me since a month.

 

I really do know that you can't do anything about it, and that only time can help me. And in the mean time, my days are so long and full of anxiety. I also do know that everybody is struggling here. I admire all the courage I can read here. So many strong people! I don't know if I can be strong like this. I don't even know if I want To tapper ever again. Just hoping I Will Feel functionnal soon. 

 

I try not panicking. Find distractions. But I can't tell I'm succeeding. 

 

 

I'm so sorry Sass, you must have To manage your Wd too. I hope you're doing ok!

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Sassenach

Hi Erell.

3 hours ago, Erell said:

I know I'm disappointing everybody around me since a month.

You have to let this go.

The only person that matters in W/D is yourself, you do not have the reserves to deal with anything else.

Eventually they will see the real you again.

I had to attend a regular hospital checkup today, it is a two hour drive away.

I awoke this morning feeling awful so today was hard, but I get more good days than bad now.

If someone asks me how I feel, better than yesterday, not as good as tomorrow.

It is not always true because of windows and wave, it keeps me positive.

If you do not feel better tomorrow it may be worth trying a small dose of the magnesium.

We can discuss in the morning.

 

Sass

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Erell

Hi Sass!

 

You must Feel exhausted with your day, take care!

 

About magnésium citrate : I bought a bag of powder. The advice on it say : take one coffee spoon/day  (2.5g) in water. Don't know what a small dose could be, unfortunately i don't have scale. 

I won't bother you with this tonight, let me know tomorrow if you have any advice.

 

Wish you a sweet evening.

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Sassenach

Now is fine.

I am a little better this evening.

How are you feeling now?

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Erell

To be honest, it has been an horrible day : anxiety and despair at rate 8 or 9, all day. Cried a lot. Lot of restlessness and feeling of urge. Tremors. I tried several tips, but everything terrified me (legs up on wall, sweet music, ventral breathing...). Also terrifying thoughts : my situation is weird, I won't be able To live like this for several weeks,...

 

Now, it has decreased a bit but still struggling : anxiety at 7 and despair at 6. Tremors.

I'm scared about going To bed tonight because of my terrible night. I know it does no good, so I try To stay positive.

 

Well, in fact, it was and still is an awful day. I put a lot of hope in tomorrow. Can't imagine live with this state of terror for several next weeks.

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Gridley
21 minutes ago, Erell said:

take one coffee spoon/day  (2.5g)

That's a very high dose, 2500mg.  I would start much lower.  Magnesium in high doses can have a laxative effect.

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Erell

Thanks Sass, I'm going To try it!

 

Unknowing is one of the most scary thing : unkknowing if this terror Will last several weeks.

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Erell

@Gridley : thanks for the information. 

I would start lower too, not easy without a scale. I'm going To look online To see if I buy one.

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Sassenach

Thanks @Gridley

 

Is it possible to dissolve in water and use a syringe to take small dose?

 

Sass

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Erell

Oh yes, I think it could work! I have syringes. For what I read on the forum,  may be better To try magnésium in thé morning, so I will try tomorrow.

 

Thank both of you!

 

And, I abuse, but if anyone could reassure me before the night, telling me that I won't live months with this state of terror ?  😳

 

Thanks for your support!

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Sassenach
3 minutes ago, Erell said:

And, I abuse, but if anyone could reassure me before the night, telling me that I won't live months with this state of terror

There are no guarantees but this site's advice is based on years of anecdotal evidence, which says it is very unlikey to last for ever.

Chin up, keep fighting.

 

Sass

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Gridley
12 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

 

Is it possible to dissolve in water and use a syringe to take small dose?

You could do the syringe if that's convenient.   What's recommended is to dissolve a mall dose of powder in a glass of water and sip throughout the day.  You could limit it to the morning if you like.  Just start with a small dose and increase from there.

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Erell

Thank you Sass 

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Sassenach

Thanks due to Gridley not me.

I have was not sure of the answer:blush:

oops:rolleyes:

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Erell

Yes but it was a thank you for your presence ;) I know I ask you a lot, even telling me that everything is gonna be better soon while you can't guarantee anything ;)

 

Just To be sure :

If I put 2500mg of magnesium in 100ml of water,  taking 1ml will give me 25mg?

(I read alto's advice about starting with 25mg).

 

If tonight is too awful, i'll try it.

 

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Rhiannon

Hi Erell, I am back from my visit with family and trip to the coast. I thought of you there. 

 

I know life is not great for you right now but I think you are doing very well and I am encouraged to hear how it is going for you.

 

The despair is part of what we call "neuro-emotion". When it comes, it can be very difficult to remember that you have ever felt good in the past. It's challenging but as you can see those emotions pass. It is best not to listen to what they tell you, if possible.

 

Anyway, hugs to you, have another good day tomorrow!

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Erell

Hi Rhi!

I've been thinking of you this week end!! Hope it was a sweet trip!!!

 

It feels Nice To read you're encouraged despite this bad day of terror! 

 

Hugs!

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Sassenach
25 minutes ago, Gridley said:

What's recommended is to dissolve a mall dose of powder in a glass of water and sip throughout the day.

I think this is the best idea.

Quarter of a spoon in a glass.

You do not have to be as accurate with the dose as the recommendations on here for antidepressant doses.

If you sip throughout the day you will not get too high a dose and if you feel any bad effects just stop.

 

Sass

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Erell

Yes I agree. Will try this tomorrow if no improvments. 

Thank you all!

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Rhiannon
8 minutes ago, Erell said:

Hi Rhi!

I've been thinking of you this week end!! Hope it was a sweet trip!!!

 

It feels Nice To read you're encouraged despite this bad day of terror! 

 

Hugs!

 I know it is impossible for you to see the large, hopeful picture that I see. I have seen so many people go through withdrawal and all the various paths of reinstatement, changing meds, et cetera. So many stories. I have seen the patterns that emerge from all of those stories. It is because of having watched people so many times, that I see much in your situation to be encouraged by. 

 

So, I know right now you are feeling miserable in many ways. That is part of the pattern and is very normal. It is terrible to live through, but it is normal.

 

There is much about your response to reinstatement that is hopeful. You have been showing good signs right from the start (getting some tiny windows right away, having some better evenings even when the days were bad). You have a positive attitude and good social support. You are young and healthy. You seem to be willing to understand that you need to be patient and respect this process, rather than to keep trying to jump forward and keep getting more destabilized by making multiple changes. (That is to say you learn quickly!)

 

What I believe you can expect is, unfortunately, to feel pretty bad a lot of the time for a few more months, but to have a good moment or two almost every day, and to have days that are better mixed in with the bad ones. And unfortunately probably some days that are worse mixed in as well. But the days that are better will gradually come to outnumber the days that are worse. And gradually there will be less and less flip-flopping and more and more steady state. And that steady state, that baseline, will be gradually better.

 

Eventually you will be in a fairly steady state almost all the time. That is when it is time to begin to think about the next steps of tapering. Not before. This will take time.  Nobody can say for sure how long. My guess, based on your story so far, is that it will take somewhere between three and nine months. No promises! Just a guess.

 

So there you go. It's not a bright happy jolly story, but it's actually quite hopeful. I think there is a very very VERY good chance that, as long as you are patient, take care of yourself and don't do anything crazy, you can navigate this process successfully, and eventually taper safely all the way off all psychiatric medications, and go on to have a rich and satisfying life.

 

 

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