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Erell: struggling with paroxetine


Erell

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ChessieCat

 

57 minutes ago, brassmonkey said:

My rage attacks like this frequently had a build period over several days that would start with some innocuous event that triggers a spiral of thoughts.

 

Have you seen this topic which BrassMonkey wrote:

 

dealing-with-emotional-spirals

 

NEW!!!              INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Altostrata

Is it rage or is it irritability?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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  • Moderator
Posted (edited)
14 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Is it rage or is it irritability?

No rage, no irritability.

 

What I feel is

- intrusive thoughts with violent scenarios, and physical feeling of a violent impulse.

- extreme energy/boiling in my body and mind, like I'm about to explode. Overstimulated. Need to jump out of my skin. Feeling like I've drank a thousand coffee (I don't drink cafeine). Surges to escape.

Feeling a need to shake my body/head.

Diarrhea every morning. 

 

I took 0.33mg Diazepam (1 drop) this morning. 

Not proud.

It didn't seem to have any effect.

 

I feel extremely unwell and agitated, inner restlessness without respite. I don't manage to distract or connect with reality. Managed to sleep 3hours. Spend my days between my bed, trying to relax, and my garden walking in circles.

 

I hope strongly this is because I have too much Fluoxetine, it would mean that lowering the dose might give me some relief soon. 🤞

If so, I might see some improvments in a week or so ?

The idea that activation could lower soon makes me feel like I can hanging on.

If it's kindling : lowering the dose could also help ?

 

I'm feeling stupid for not being satisfied with anxiety and depression levels in July. I couldn't How worse it could be. 

 

Oh Altostrata, I know you can't do much for me and you don't have a crystal ball. I'm trying to be brave.

I want to write my Success Story ! 😊

 

Current selfcare :

- take walks outside everytime I feel like I can. While outside, try to focus on the fresh air, the butterflies...

- don't manage to sit still to practice meditation, so I try to practice mindfullness while walking.

- reading a lot success stories on SA

- cold showers/massaging my skin with a fresh water bottle seems to help.

- trying to catch my catastrophising thoughts and replace them with optimist thoughts, or 'rationnal' thoughts.

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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sunnysideup69
16 hours ago, Erell said:

 

I'm having a really hard time.

Back into acute days exactly one year later.

Battle fatigue.

 

Trying to take it one minute at a time. 

 

Hoping for some relief  ❤

Honestly, @Erell, this was me, this time last year. Had already been struggling for a year, did the switch, felt like I had gone right back to the beginning.

 

It was horrible AND it passed. Lean in here as much as you need.

We're all rooting for you.

 

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also currently reducing caffeine, aiming to get off.

 

 

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  • Moderator
Posted (edited)
13 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

 

Have you seen this topic which BrassMonkey wrote:

 

dealing-with-emotional-spirals

 

Thank you for the reminder ☺

 

I also like Shep's posts about being the Observer and trying to look at symptoms with curiosity.

 

Having a hard time to do it, but still trying ☺

 

@sunnysideup69 : thank you ❤ 

I'm really glad to know that things are getting easier for you, you deserve this relief !

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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  • Moderator
ChessieCat

You're welcome.

 

The good thing is that you know what it is and what is causing it.

NEW!!!              INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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  • Administrator
Altostrata

These bad thoughts came on with the increase in fluoxetine, correct? Good chance a reduction in fluoxetine will help. How much are you taking now? Hang in there.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Moderator
26 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

These bad thoughts came on with the increase in fluoxetine, correct? Good chance a reduction in fluoxetine will help. How much are you taking now? Hang in there.

 

- I took 7.25mg Fluoxetine this morning. 

+ Paroxetine booster with a toothpick (weird : 1 minute after the toothpick, my body felt calmer for 5minutes.)

 

(Signature updated)

Wondering if I should go to 7mg tomorrow, but also know that my restlessness is making me my mind desperate for illusionnal quick fixes.

 

- Bad thoughts (according to daily notes) it appeared last 3 days. Concomitant with worsening of restlessness/akathisia.

 

- thank you for the encouragement, greatly appreciate 💞

 

Inner restlessness/tension is so intense.

I have made a mistake, should have stayed at 7.5mg. Little did I know !

Guess this is how we learn our lesson in WD.

 

On a positive note : I'm pacing and shaking my legs so much I might eventually have the legs of an athlete !

Or might not, as it won't last too long 😇

 

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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  • Moderator
Posted (edited)
45 minutes ago, Erell said:

- Bad thoughts (according to daily notes) it appeared last 3 days. Concomitant with worsening of restlessness/akathisia.

 @Altostrata more precisely : intense inner restlessness appeared 7 August, worsening since 15 August.

 

Sorry for the confusion.

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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  • Mentor

Dear @Erell

7 minutes ago, Erell said:

Paroxetine booster with a toothpick (weird : 1 minute after the toothpick, my body felt calmer for 5minutes.)

Yeb that’s Paxil, powerful isn’t it. 
We are all rooting for you 💪

8 minutes ago, Erell said:

On a positive note : I'm pacing and shaking my legs so much I might eventually have the legs of an athlete !

Or might not, as it won't last too long 😇

There you go, 😊

Hugs dear 💖


2000/ 20mg Paxil  for panic attacks. Many attempts to quit through out the years, without any success.

2019- January started tapering 20 mg Paxil. 
2019-October 10 mg Paxil , getting ready for a bridge with 20mg Prozac Took about 1 month during switch.

At one point my withdrawals were so bad I went up to 40 mg Prozac, but went quickly back down to 20 mg and very soon after that 10 mg Prozac.

Off  Paxil 2019/ November started tapering 10mg Prozac 2019/December 8 mg Prozac 

2020/January 4 mg Prozac 

2020/15/3 .09 mg jumped off

2020 March 16 off Prozac  Quetipine 25 mg used 1 time in 15 months, oxezapam 15 mg used 5 times 

Suppliments: Magnesium, omega 3 fish oil ( epa&dha) D and C vitamin 

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time” Leo Tolstoy 

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  • Moderator
Posted (edited)

Tried a summary. Don't know if it might help. 

Don't manage to watch my situation objectively, maybe you'll see things I don't. 

 

Before switch : 10mg Paroxetine 

Despite lockdown, feeling mostly almost symptom free. Some low anxiety. 8-9 hours sleep.

 

13 April : 10mg Paro + 1mg Fluo

Introduced 1mg Fluoxetine. No effect.

 

14-17 April : 10mg Paro + 1mg Fluo

Some restlessness in legs and arms (evenings), some stimulation (low). 

8-9 hours sleep.

 

18 April-30 April : drop 2mg Paro every 4 days/add 1mg Fluo every 4 days.

From 10mg Paroxetine to 6mg Fluoxetine. 

A bit bumpy, but mild : oscillations between feeling almost symptom free and feeling anxiety + restlessness in legs and arms. 

8-9 hours sleep.

 

2-4 May : strong electricity and dizziness. Disrupted sleep : wake up soaked and in anxiety every hour.

 

5-9 May : reinstate 1mg Paroxetine.

Mild anxiety.

After one day, electricity and dizziness almost disappeared.

After 3 days, back to 8-9 hours sleep.

 

10-28 May : Paroxetine 0.5mg (Alto's suggestion)

Anxiety fades. 8-9 hours sleep. Some nice moments almost normal !

 

22-25 May : stop Paroxetine in order to end the crossover. 

Big spikes of anxiety.

Disrupted sleep, wake up soaked every hours.

 

26 May - 8 June : Reinstate 0.1mg Paroxetine. (Still at 6mg Fluoxetine).

Sleep slowly go back to normal, anxiety slowly decrease.

Back to "almost normal".

 

9 -27 June : drop to 0.06mg Paroxetine (in order to end the crossover). Hard times !

Week 1 : extreme diarrhea, flu like symptoms, exhaustion. Got tested for Covid, tests came back negative.

Week 2 : Better physically. Anxiety increases.

Week 3 : anxiety very high, huge crying spells, doom feelings,  SI.

 

28 June - 13 July : Increase to 7mg Fluoxetine ( + 0.06mg Paroxetine).

Week 1 : deep depression, crying spells.

Week 2 : depression fade, anxiety increase to high.

Cortisol rushes appear. Disrupted sleep.

Oscillations : anxiety and depression low  for 1hour (mostly on evenings) on day 6/8/9/11/15. 

 

14 July- 4 August: Increase to 7.5mg Fluoxetine (trying to reach the sweet spot). Drop Paroxetine to 0.03mg on 24 July.

Struggle with anxiety, depression, doom feelings and intermitent DR. Some surges to escape (mild).

Cortisol rush (only one after 6 hours of sleep).

Oscillations : anxiety and depression low  for 1hour on day 2/3/11/12/13/18. 

 

5 August-8 August : updose Fluoxetine to 8mg (still trying to find the sweet spot).

After 3 days, dread and inner restlessness appear. 

 

9 August-15 August : 7.75mg Fluoxetine. 

From 9 to 14 August : restrestlesness and dread high, with oscillations. 

Sleep : around 5 hours. 

On 15 August : restlessness/ akathisia explode, can't sit still, surges all day. Doom feelings and SI surges. 

 

16 August : stop Paroxetine, take only 7.5mg Fluoxetine 

restlessness/akathisia. No relief.

Some violent thoughts.

Sleep 4 hours.

 

18 August : Same day + toothpick Paroxetine.

Extreme agitation.

 

19 August : 7.25mg + toothpick Paroxetine + 0.33mg Diazepam. 

Extreme agitation.

 

 

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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  • Administrator
Altostrata

It appears now you are showing signs of activation from too much fluoxetine.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Moderator
Posted (edited)

Ok, Thank you Alto !

 

Good news is activation should lessen with the decrease in dose 🤞

 

Amazing how a small dose can have such an effect. 

Activation can be incredibly strong  : it makes even more sense that we suggest very low dose of reinstatement on SA. 

 

Perhaps this is just a fast track training to become a moderator : get to know every aspect of SSRI's ordeal in order to graduate ! 😅

 

Well, let's say that this activation experience has her own benefit : I've now developed some sense of love for my usual anxiety and depression symptoms 😇

(Note to myself : need to remember that).

 

And a good lesson for my future taper : Fluoxetine is also a strong molecule and also need to be processed very carefully.

Well, had no doubt but as I'm making effort to think positively, I try to find gratitude for every life lesson 😉

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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  • Administrator
Altostrata

Because of fluoxetine's long half-life, it can take several weeks to get to full effect. You are feeling the effects of increases you made since mid-July, plus whatever you've taken since then.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Moderator
Posted (edited)

Yes, definitely "more is not better".

 

Took only 7mg Fluoxetine this morning : will now stay there. 

 

The mental and physical restlessness is so intense. 

 

My job now is to wait for activation to fade with the decreased dose and to hang in there.

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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  • Mentor

@Erell

 

I hope you see some signs of improvement with the decrease.

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal and Prilosec from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine

 Xanax 1mg three times a day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) three times a day to .003 grams three times a day.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

 

 

I am not a medical professional. The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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Longroadhome

@Erell

thinking of you and 

thought you might like  this extract from Baylissa Frederick book 


At the core of our being is our essence . This has remained unchanged and unharmed from the drug and will once again become evident. It is who we really are and to over identify with our symptoms means we could end up forgetting our true selves. It is good for those of us going through WD to spend time reminding ourselves of our core qualities, the ones that may not always be apparent during WD but which we know are still there, and always will be. 
always know that no matter what you are going through , at your deepest level the essence of who you are still exists. Irrespective of the drugs effects that have resulted in temporary challenges, you remain that special person who entered this world as a beautiful healthy baby . 
even if recovery is seeming to take a long time, always remember that your situation is temporary. 
 

October 2004 -  October 2018 Paxil 20mg

October 2018 - November 2018 15mg Paxil 

Nov 2018 -  2x50 mg Pregabalin to help with Paxil WD

December 2018 - January 2019 10mg Paxil  

January 2019 - February 2019  7.5mg Paxil crashed 

February 2019 - 8.5mg Paxil

August 2019 - stopped both meds for 2.5 days meltdown 

August 2019 -  daily: 50mg Pregabalin April 2020 45mg May 40mg June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg, Aug 24mg

Nov 2019 - 8mg Paxil, March 2020 7.2mg April 6.5mg May 5.9mg June 5.4mg July 4.8mg

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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  • Moderator
Posted (edited)

@Longroadhome : thank you for this ❤

Yes, the 'real' me is still here, I AM, everytime I breathe I AM.

 

@Frogie : thank you dear, I hope too 🤞

 

--》 Maybe some of you will have ideas to help me :

 

I find that all my usual selfcare tips are irrelevant while feeling like I have drank 1000 coffees : yet, I still think that mindfullness is important and better than diving into catastrophising thoughts.

But while dealing with huge mental and physical restlessness, I don't know how to practice acceptance anymore.

Distractions seems also nearly impossible as I need to move/change activities every minute.

Maybe some of you have some tips that I could discover ? 

 

@Shep : you often said that DR was kind of a spiritual teacher for you. 

I would like to learn to see my huge restlessness as a teacher too, but I struggle cognitively to see how taking the first step.

I get the sense of AAF, but while mental and physical restlessness are huge how can we "float and go on with our lives"?

How can I try and learn to see my current torture as a teacher ?

I'm also a huge fan of The Observer, but don't manage to practice it currently, because my mind is too confused. 

(Of course, no emergency, just willing to grow and learn from others).

 

I've done some researches on SA to be inspired by people going through akathisia but read horror stories and started to think that I will be stuck in this state for years.

So best for me to avoid for now.

 

Well, I'm gonna try to vent my overstimulation by cutting overgrown weeds 😉

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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  • Moderator Emeritus

@Erell, I wish there was something I could say or do to give you some relief. I'm glad you've made a reduction now and wait with you in spirit for the relief you deserve, and will get.

 

Hang in there a bit longer. After you clear this hurdle, you will be unstoppable!

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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Oh my dear @Erell - I am so sorry you are having to endure this and hope with all my heart that you will get some relief very soon. It is evident in all your posts that you have the courage and strength to get through this. Despite your struggles, your updates are filled with kindness, wisdom and humor (and you are writing in a second language - amazing!).

 

I wish I had some tips for you but much of what I would suggest you have taught me 😉. In fact, I am thinking of one time when you suggested gardening. That day I went outside and attacked some huge vining weeds that had invaded our hedge. But I didn't just cut them, I eliminated them! I focused on them 100 percent and got down to their roots and dug and dug until I removed every last bit of them. I was a dirty mess when I finished, but it helped ground me for a bit.

 

Sending healing hugs - Cigale

2008-2016 - Lexapro 10 mg, tapered to 2.5 mg over one year then CT without issues
Feb 2, 2019 to July 24, 2019 - restarted Lexapro 5 mg for insomnia; July 25, 2019 increase Lexapro 10 mg, which caused increased anxiety and depression.
Nov 20, 2019 to Dec 11, 2019 - 3-week FT from Lexapro 10 mg to 7.5 mg to 5 mg to 0
Dec 12, 2019 to Feb 4, 2020 - drug-free and feeling good until horrible WD hit
Feb 5, 2020 to Feb 16, 2020 - Paxil 10 mg, resulted in very bad reaction
Feb 18, 2020 - reinstate Lexapro 5 mg and stabilizing

Oct 24, 2020 - start brassmonkey taper with 2.5% reduction; current: 4.9 mgai/6.7 mgpw

 

daily meditation 10-40 minutes, yoga 30 minutes; CBT & ACT therapy

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  • Moderator
Posted (edited)
23 hours ago, Dejavu said:

@Erell, I wish there was something I could say or do to give you some relief. I'm glad you've made a reduction now and wait with you in spirit for the relief you deserve, and will get.

 

Hang in there a bit longer. After you clear this hurdle, you will be unstoppable!

 

This is a delightful message of support, thank you !

 

@Cigale : sending healing hugs to you too ❤

 

 

Well, things seem to evolve : intense restlessness and tension was slightly better yesterday evening and I managed to sleep 5 hours.

 

This morning : the restlessness is still a bit better physically, but not mentally : it is worse.

I have very strong nauseas/queasyness/feeling sick and weird/brain fog. Can't stay up.

The nauseas worsen when moving, but I also still feel the physical need to move.

My brain wants to shut down and sleep but my body can't. 

My body wants to be active and move but my Brain can't. 

Heart palpitations.

Strong SI and physical need to escape. Kind of mental akathisia. Huge doom feelings are worse than ever. Mind utterly hijacked by doom, helplessness thoughts.

 

@Altostrata : I'm using all the strenght I have left to hang on and not listen to the mental. I never faced such intense doom feelings and mental restlessness. 

This "activation" will probably fade in a few weeks ? 

Is this kindling ? 

I haven't necessarily messed up my switch and could still stabilise on Fluoxetine ?

I am not in acute Paxil WD ? 

I'm asking you to predict the future while you can't. 

I know how ridiculous I sound.

I'm sorry, I didn't know that such a level of difficulties could exist. 

Kind of relieved that you talk about "activation" and not "akathisia ".

 

Utterly amazed by the strenght of all the people who wrote Success stories. Trying to find this strenght in my guts.

 

Trying to not beat myself for having stupidly increased Fluoxetine, even by small amounts.

 

My poor CNS has a lot to digest !

 

I am gonna be ok, right ?

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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  • Mentor
4 hours ago, Erell said:

I am gonna be ok, right ?

Yes dear Erell I am telling you, you will be ok. My switch was also very bumpy, but it subsided within few days. I told myself, I just need to bare with this so my system can repair. 
 

 

4 hours ago, Erell said:

Well, things seem to evolve : intense restlessness and tension was slightly better yesterday evening and I managed to sleep 5 hours !

Always focus on improvements, it really matters, even though it is tiny in our minds, but it IS an indicator that things are moving in the right direction. 
Lets go💪 
Hugs💖


2000/ 20mg Paxil  for panic attacks. Many attempts to quit through out the years, without any success.

2019- January started tapering 20 mg Paxil. 
2019-October 10 mg Paxil , getting ready for a bridge with 20mg Prozac Took about 1 month during switch.

At one point my withdrawals were so bad I went up to 40 mg Prozac, but went quickly back down to 20 mg and very soon after that 10 mg Prozac.

Off  Paxil 2019/ November started tapering 10mg Prozac 2019/December 8 mg Prozac 

2020/January 4 mg Prozac 

2020/15/3 .09 mg jumped off

2020 March 16 off Prozac  Quetipine 25 mg used 1 time in 15 months, oxezapam 15 mg used 5 times 

Suppliments: Magnesium, omega 3 fish oil ( epa&dha) D and C vitamin 

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time” Leo Tolstoy 

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  • Moderator
Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, Hanna72 said:

Always focus on improvements, it really matters, even though it is tiny in our minds, but it IS an indicator that things are moving in the right direction. 

Thank you ! You're right. I hang on to every positive thing that can happen, this is what helps me to go through the day ❤

Your post made me realise that I haven't made a gratitude list in my daily note since several days.

Definitely have to do it again !

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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Google translation:

 

Dear @Erell

 

Sorry to write in French, hope the admin doesn't mind.

 

Don't look at things about Akathisia you're right. It is surely anxiety-inducing wrongly. I learned something in my bumpy journey: the incredible power of the subconscious.

 

Surround yourself with beautiful images, have fun.

So yes very difficult when meditation or relaxation no longer works as before. Oh ... I know that, very disturbing.

I still continue with cardiac coherence, can you?

 

If you don't have too much physical pain Yes the garden is a good idea.

For me the garden is like life and like WD. I can hardly garden with the pain anymore, but I take pictures instead. I garden every day except if it rained last year in 15-minute sessions.

There are beautiful things: seeds that have been sown and that are growing. Unfortunately, other things have required a lot of investment and are not growing. There are also weeds: very painful and you have to deal with that to take care of your garden. Pulling the weeds can let off steam and we can say to ourselves that at the same time we are removing what bothers us in ourselves. Maybe a strange thought but I believe in the power of the unconscious which is very powerful.

And then ... in the garden there are also sometimes surprises. The wind the birds brought things. So in my garden have grown violets, poppies, buttercups and orchids. And then we can also rejoice and think less about weeds.

Finally, the garden can help to develop mindfulness naturally; easier when you are restless to do an activity in full consciousness rather than mindfulness without support. I did a lot while being on.

 

So like the garden, life and WD also have good surprises.

 

I like this metaphor of the garden.

 

If you have crises, you have to try not to struggle as with panic attacks and accept. Oh yes it's difficult ...

Let the legs move, scream if necessary. It relieves me a bit, is that my experience. My big problem is still not crying though.

Also agree to pacing in your apartment seeing it as a help.

Take a bath too

The relief isn't always there or sometimes just partial, but I try to be grateful.

You can also do some physical activity. Sometimes I wish I could ride a stationary bike or hit a punching bag but my pain makes almost any physical activity impossible.

 

You can do all of this and even better. I think you have more resources and adaptability than me. ;)

These symptoms are recent Erell. Nothing says they will last, absolutely nothing and if it's a previous fluoxetine overdose it will go away pretty quickly.

 

I keep thinking about Brasmonkey and the topic “are we here?” That helps me.

 

Brace yourself my beauty.

 

Lots of love. ❤️


Original post:

 

Chère @Erell

 

Désolée d'ecrire en français, j'espère que ça ne dérange pas les admin. 

 

Ne regarde pas de choses sur l'akathisie tu as raison. C'est anxiogène sûrement à tort. J'ai appris quelque chose dans mon parcours cahoteux : le pouvoir incroyable de l'inconscient. 

 

S'entourer de belles images, se distraire. 

Alors oui très difficile quand la méditation ou la relaxation ne fonctionnent plus comme avant. Oh... Je connais ça, très perturbant. 

Je continue toutefois la cohérence cardiaque, peux-tu? 

 

Si tu n'as pas trop de douleurs physiques Oui le jardin est une bonne idée. 

Pour moi le jardin est comme la vie et comme WD. Je ne peux presque plus jardiner avec les douleurs mais, je prends des photos à la place. J'ai jardiné tous les jours sauf si pluie l'an passé par sessions de 15 mn. 

Il y a de belles choses : des graines qu'on a semées et qui poussent. D'autres choses hélas ont demandé beaucoup d'investissement et ne poussent pas. Il y a aussi les mauvaises herbes : très pénibles et il faut composer avec ça pour s'occuper de son jardin. Arracher les mauvaises herbes peut défouler et on peut se dire qu'on enleve en même temps ce qui nous tracasse en nous. Peut être une étrange pensée mais je crois au pouvoir de l'inconscient qui est très puissant. 

Et puis... dans le jardin il y a aussi parfois des surprises. Le vent les oiseaux ont apporté des choses. Ainsi dans mon jardin ont poussés violettes, coquelicots, boutons d'or et orchidées. Et alors on peut aussi s'en réjouir et moins penser aux mauvaises herbes. 

Enfin le jardin peut aider pour faire de la pleine conscience naturellement ; plus facile quand on est agité de faire une activité en pleine conscience plutôt que pleine conscience sans support. J'ai fait beaucoup en étant sur activée. 

 

Ainsi comme le jardin, la vie et WD ont aussi de bonnes surprises. 

 

J'aime bien cette métaphore du jardin. 

 

Si tu fais des crises il faut essayer de ne pas lutter comme pour les attaques de panique et accepter. Oh oui que c'est difficile...

Laisser les jambes bouger, crier si nécessaire.  Ça me soulage un peu, c"est que mon expérience.  Mon gros problème est de ne toujours pas pleurer par contre.

Accepter aussi de faire les cents pas dans ton appartement en voyant cela comme une aide. 

Prendre un bain aussi 

Le soulagement n'est pas toujours là ou parfois juste partiel mais j'essaie d'avoir de la gratitude. 

Tu peux aussi faire une activité physique. Parfois j'aimerais pouvoir faire du vélo d'appartement ou taper dans un punching ball mais mes douleurs rendent impossible presque toute activité physique. 

 

Tu peux faire tout cela et même mieux. Je pense que tu as plus de ressources et de facultés d'adaptation que moi. ;)

Ces symptômes sont récents Erell. Rien ne dit qu'ils vont durer, absolument rien et si c'est un surdosage antérieur de fluoxetine cela partira assez rapidement. 

 

Je repense sans cesse à Brasmonkey et le topic "sommes nous ici? " Cela m'aide. 

 

Courage ma belle. 

 

Gros bisous. ❤️

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
added Google translation

 

2018 : 29 July xanax 0,125x 2 12 Aug 0,25 x 2  28 Aug clotiazépam 5x2 4 Oct Prazepam : 5-5-7,5 to 3,5-3,5-6,5 25 oct 10x3 21 nov 9,5 x3/ Now Taper 2% / 21days = 19 may 2019 7,32x3/ Now 5%/8 days =10 july 5,145 x3 /Now 2% / 21 days = 27 sept 4,75x3/ Now 1%/21 days = nov 4,70 x3 dec 4,65x3 jan 2020 4,60x3 feb 4,50x3 march 4,45x3 april 4,385x3 may 4,32x3 

 

2018 : 29 Aug Venlafaxine 75mg XR 19 sept 37,5mg 4 oct 75mg18 oct bridge sertraline 1 nov Sertraline 50mg slow taper until mi April 2019= 25mg

15 July Escitalopram 5mg 20 Ju 4mg 22 Ju 3,25mg 23 ju 2,5mg  25 ju 2,25mg 8 Aug 2 mg 16 Aug 1,75mg 20 Aug 1,50mg 12 sept 1,25mg 24 sept 1,38mg 28 sept 1,50mg 8 Jan 1, 60mg

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  • Administrator
Altostrata

Erell, I believe you are feeling the effects of too much fluoxetine. This is not kindling, though your nervous system may be sensitized from your prior problems with Paxil.

 

Please hang in there. My expectation is on the average, every day you will feel a little better as your fluoxetine level declines. This will work out.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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sunnysideup69

Rooting for you @Erell, fantastic that the paxil is GONE! 

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also currently reducing caffeine, aiming to get off.

 

 

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  • Moderator
Posted (edited)

@brassmonkey :

 

I wasn't really able to understand your post the other day so came back to it today.

And wanna thank you for sharing your expérience, it really helps.

 

Must confess that when I read your post and your sentences about "not thinking" my first reaction was resistance. 

I was thinking " I'm struggling with terrifying intrusive thoughts of harming people, how can I not think while the issue is a thought ".

 

After several reading, I started to understand that even if I can't control those intrusive thoughts, I can work on the fact that I fear them.

 

So yes, here we go again, this is about Acceptance ;)

 

Beyond acceptance of the symptoms, I think I'm dealing with acceptance of uncertainty : as I've never had those kind of thoughts, never experienced aggressive feelings before, I deal with the uncertainty of acting. 

 

So what terrifies me is not the thought/feeling in itself, but the "what if" (going crazy/acting).

 

Well, having said that I still feel afraid.

But you also helped me to understand that I still have choices.

And even if my mind doesnt understand the "not thinking/not feeling" part of your post, I can feel that there is something important there.

 

Anyway, I really thank you for helping me growing ❤

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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  • Moderator
brassmonkey

I love your post. The realization that you have choices in these situations is very important and can be built, expanded and used to help control the situations when they arise. Acceptance of the situation is just as important too.

 

The "what if's" of the situation can be very frightening. The idea of losing ones self to "dark urges" is a major fear of most people, and shows that there is "humanity" still in there, even if it is clouded by the drugs. Preplanned violent actions are not a problem because they can be dealt with in a somewhat rational manner.  Because the preplanning takes time we can come to our senses and control the situation before it gets out of hand.

 

It's the spontaneous outbursts that can cause the problems. That's where watching for triggers and building spirals comes into play. By paying attention we can catch things before they explode and can walk away from the situation and disarm it. Takes practice, but the more you do it the easier it becomes.

 

The "not thinking" I was talking about is a technique for breaking the spiral cycle of thoughts. Yes, the "dark urges" are thoughts, but they need energy to be sustained. that energy comes from thinking about them. By being in a safe place and allowing your self to not think any thoughts at all, it lets your mind relax and break the cycle of dark urges. The trick is to stop all thoughts for several minutes. Letting the mind go completely blank, even to the point that if you say in your mind "I'm not going to think about that" you are actually thinking too much. You don't make yourself stop thinking, but rather you let yourself stop thinking without thinking about it. I know that sounds really weird but you will know it when it happens. It will be just briefly the first few times because the first reaction is to think "wow, I wasn't thinking".  But remembering how it felt and letting it happen again and again will build the experience.

 

All people can have extremely dark thoughts, it's just that most people don't seem to worry about them and just let then go. ADWD and psych drugs have a bad habit of dragging those thoughts to the surface and hitting us again and again with them. We are in a diminished state because of the drugs so we have trouble controlling and rationalizing those thoughts and that can be quite frightening. Some of the things that have come into my mind would get me locked away for a long time if I acted on them, but deep inside I know that I never would. They just are not who I am. But when they show up I have to deal with them. Understanding that they are primarily brought up by the drugs greatly helps with that, while trusting in myself to do the right thing does the rest. Now that the drugs have been out of my system for several years the thoughts rarely show up, and when they do it's a matter of "that's interesting, where did that come from, that's not me" and the thought is ignored.

 

Now you probably have a headache from trying to follow that. LOL

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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  • Moderator
On 8/21/2020 at 5:26 PM, Altostrata said:

Erell, I believe you are feeling the effects of too much fluoxetine. This is not kindling, though your nervous system may be sensitized from your prior problems with Paxil.

 

Please hang in there. My expectation is on the average, every day you will feel a little better as your fluoxetine level declines. This will work out.

 

Alto,  you're a gem ❤

"This will work out" is a fantastic mantra!

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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  • Moderator

@brassmonkey : wow, I feel so grateful to benefit from your experience !

 

Fortunately, I don't have pre-planned thinking or concrete images.

 

I think I understand where my resistance came from during my first reading : my thoughts and aggressive feelings don't seem to have triggers and don't seem to be situationnal. 

They appeared recently, concomitent with inner restlessness (too much Fluoxetine).

For example, Yesterday I was feeling slightly calmer during 1hour and started to clean my bathroom. Randomly, intrusive thoughts appeared with a huge amount of inner restlessness. 

 

But your post helps me to understand that then I went to spiralling pretty fast, because of fear.

 

And that's where the "not thinking, not feeling" sounds nice 😄

 

I don't get it yet, probably because of too much restlessness. 

But I'm trying to use some other tips  :

- acceptance 

- love : I listen to meditation about love

- sometimes, exposing myself to the fear (going out to walk and see that nothing happens)

- humour

 

I think that in those kind of situation, part of the issue is that it is new.

I never experienced this before August.

But knowing that others have had those issues does help :)

 

I wish you a very pleasant day 🤗

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post

@Erell We share some difficulties, as disturbing intrusive thoughts are since January my biggest and worst WD symptoms. I have intrusive thoughts of hurting my loved one (especially my dear daughters) and it is a real nightmare, because I love my girls more than my own life. I was happy because I didn’t have any bad thoughts since the last 3-4 months and I naively thought that I was done with that. But since the last 2-3 weeks, it came back with a vengeance. They are as worst as in Jan-feb. It is so hard to accept!

In March, when I started to feel better, I found a little phrase that I was repeating to myself when I had those violent thoughts. I will tell it in French as I don’t want to mistranslate it:

« Ok, j’accueille cette pensée dérangeante car elle fait parti de mon expérience de vie, mais elle n’a rien en commun avec moi, mes valeurs, la personne que je suis. Elle n’est qu’un bruit parasite, je n’ai pas en m’en préoccuper ou à lui accorder d’importance. » 

It helps me to separate those thoughts from myself and remembering that I was not my thoughts. Unfortunately, it isn’t always enough to get rid of those thoughts, but it can helps a little bit. 
 

Have a nice day, dear Erell, and I wish to us all hope and strength to get through  our struggles.
 

Mimi

2008-2019: various ADs at various doses, initially for anxiety related insomnia.

2015-2018: Pristiq 50mg and Mirtazapine 30mg. Switched Pristiq to Venlafaxine.

2019-01: Stopped Venlafaxine after a 10 months taper. Updosed Mirtazapine to 45mg.

Summer 2019: Fast taper of Mirtazapine. Sept 2019, down to 30mg, hit bad W/D symptoms, so updosed to 45mg.

Tried escitalopram 10mg, C/T after 4 weeks. Tried Buspar, C/T after 5 days.

Jan 2020: Second mirtazapine weaning attempt, but end of january, big wave of symptoms, updose to 45mg Mirtazapine.

Feb 2020: 50mg quetiapineXR, CT after 2 weeks. 21 Feb 2020, found SA and staying on 45mg Mirtazapine, waiting for stabilization.

Quetiapine 25mg and Lorazepam 0.5mg PRN since may 2019, March 2020 stopped both.

Mirtazapine taper: 2020-10-21 43.88mg, 10-28 42.75mg, 11-04 41.63mg, 11-11 40.5mg, 11-24 41.6mg.

Supplements: Magnesium Glycinate, Omega-3, Melatonin2mg, Probiotic.

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  • Moderator
brassmonkey

It can be very shocking when the dark thoughts come out of nowhere for no apparent reason. It really makes on wonder,"how an I capable of such thoughts" and makes one doubt what kind of person they are. All of that is the drugs playing tricks with our mind.

 

It does take a lot of practice to regain control, but each time you try, you make a little headway and the process becomes easier. Trying to calm the inner restlessness will help as the two feed off of each other. Calming exercises, changing the channel, physical distraction will all help to calm the body.

 

It really sounds like you're on the right track with what you are trying.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Posted (edited)

Thank you SO much Mimi and Brassmonkey.

Your words of support are great comfort  ❤

 

So, I'm at day 5 at 7mg Fluoxetine

 

- physical restlessness still high, but the good thing is there are now oscillations: I have moment where the tension fade and allow me to sit and rest a bit (❤).

The need to move and pace all day long is lower.

 

- mentally it is still highly restless, and is my most challenging symptom : a weird mix between intrusive racing thoughts/doom cloud/agitation/loosing ground/SI/ urges to escape.

It is very hard to cope  and I deeply hope that it will fade with the decrease in Fluoxetine. 

 

- Nauseas and brain fog appears in strong spikes for some hours, then disappear

 

- Sleep : I get between 1h to 5h sleep.

 

Don't know if the toothprick of Paroxetine is a part of the story : I might be taking different microdoses every morning as it is not accurate. 

 

Wish you all a nice day 

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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Bonjour @Erell - Thank you for letting us know how you are doing. You are focused on your improvements and that is so important. I need to do more of that myself. I also want to let you know that I have had to deal with intrusive thoughts. When they first happened, I was terrified because it involved my dearest loved ones. But the book, « Feeling Good » really helped me work through them. The thing that worked for me was realizing that my intense fear reaction to the thoughts meant that these were things I would never do, they were not me and were very scary. 

 

I hope your day is more peaceful. Hugs, Cigale

2008-2016 - Lexapro 10 mg, tapered to 2.5 mg over one year then CT without issues
Feb 2, 2019 to July 24, 2019 - restarted Lexapro 5 mg for insomnia; July 25, 2019 increase Lexapro 10 mg, which caused increased anxiety and depression.
Nov 20, 2019 to Dec 11, 2019 - 3-week FT from Lexapro 10 mg to 7.5 mg to 5 mg to 0
Dec 12, 2019 to Feb 4, 2020 - drug-free and feeling good until horrible WD hit
Feb 5, 2020 to Feb 16, 2020 - Paxil 10 mg, resulted in very bad reaction
Feb 18, 2020 - reinstate Lexapro 5 mg and stabilizing

Oct 24, 2020 - start brassmonkey taper with 2.5% reduction; current: 4.9 mgai/6.7 mgpw

 

daily meditation 10-40 minutes, yoga 30 minutes; CBT & ACT therapy

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Hi my dear @Erell

Always thinking of u and hope u are fine now.

I know it is a hard situation but keep hopeful and determined, u are about to taper gentler AD and will have gentler symptomts and I hope u be ADs' free very soon.

Do u still go to the sea?, how it makes difference?.

i wasn't on a certain drug all the period. i took many drugs many times and for no very long period but to simplify.

--fluvoxamine maleate100 mg + amisulpride 200mg------started july 2012 and total taper in february 2015 ( 9 months without drugs then)

--sertraline 100mg -------started november 2015 and total taper (withoud reduction slowly) in november 2016( 4 months withoud drugs then).

--sertraline 100mg + quetiabine 25mg ( started in mars 2016 and for 7 months) then fluvoxamine maleate 100mg again for another 7months and after that a something like to use every drug for 14 days and for about 1.5 years.

--my last drug was trintellix 10 mg ( used it in 12/2018and total taper in 4/2019).

symptomts i have now ( bad concentration and problems in short and long memory+ bad depersonalization).

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sunnysideup69

Good morning @Erell,

 

How are you doing this morning? Sending a hug from a very rainy London this morning.

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also currently reducing caffeine, aiming to get off.

 

 

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