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Erell: struggling with paroxetine


Erell

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  • Moderator
ChessieCat
1 hour ago, Erell said:

I thank you for sharing your guess about me being a fast metabolizer. 

Must confess that I don't understand right what it means,

 

Basically it means that when you take a drug it starts working quickly and when you reduce it too much the withdrawal symptoms will show up more quickly.   If a slow metabolizer reduced too much, their withdrawal symptoms will take longer to show up.  For example if you were taking a very short half life drug which needs to be taken twice a day, a fast metaboliser might have to dose 3 times a day so they didn't get interdose withdrawal.

 

Not a very scientific way of explaining but I hope it helps.

NEW!!!              INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

 

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Altostrata

Erell, if a little diazepam seems to work with 7mg, it might be best to stay there rather than experiment more with the fluoxetine dosage.

 

You'll want to take a minimal amount of diazepam regularly. A low dosage will build up over time. If you take it regularly, it will increase in effect for several weeks.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hi Erell,

 

Your posts remind me of how very difficult it was to get through to this point.  I sat in hot baths.  I was too weak to stand in the shower, but for you, the shower might be better because you could move around more.  Some people recommend cold showers and ice packs.  
 

Also, I used a heating pad — a large one called a shoulder wrap that can be microwaved.  It’s heavy, so it gives a sense of comfort due to the pressure of the weight, too.  You might try a weighted blanket.  I finally bought one.  They are less expensive than they used to be.  They help with akathisia.  


I always wished I could have massages everyday.  Sometimes, I would have my legs massaged because the thought of getting undressed, etcetera, with a person I did not know well did not feel comfortable.  Given the pandemic, I suppose massages are not an option, but maybe you could get something online that your mom would use on your legs and feet.  The sensation of a massage will distract you from the aka.  You could focus on your leg, and not on the aka.  It worked for me.  To get a few minutes rest from feeling the aka is important.

 

Holding you in my heart,

Rosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Erell, I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and hoping you see some stability very very soon. Just remember you're in the thick of it now, but you will level out. It will most likely never be this bad again. When you emerge from this, your taper should be a comparative breeze. Look toward those times. Sending you healing energy!!❤

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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  • Moderator

Thank you @Rosetta and @Dejavu, your support means a lot ❤

Thank you for reminding me that I can emerge from this ordeal.

I sometimes feel like I went from a relative "simple" case to a complex one during this switch.

Using mindfullness to not listen to doom thoughts and focus on improvments  😉

Your faith in my ability to stabilise really is helping me ☺

 

On 8/30/2020 at 12:33 PM, Altostrata said:

Erell, if a little diazepam seems to work with 7mg, it might be best to stay there rather than experiment more with the Fluoxetine.

 

I followed your suggestion and since Saturday I'm staying on this drug regimen : 7mg Fluoxetine + 1mg Diazepam. 

Considering my daily notes it seems that activation from too high a dose is almost gone, and now my symptoms probably come from Paxil Wd/CNS destabilisation.

 

* Improvments (❤) :

 

- sleep  : I sleep 7-8 hours every night since I added 1mg Diazepam. This is huge.

- Nauseas have almost disappeared and I don't vomit anymore. Apetite is back.

- physical restlessness/ kind of aka has faded a lot. 

- I try to "engage in real life" more : I've been able to do some food shopping, I've managed to call a friend. 

 

* Intense symptoms :

 

- Intrusive harm thoughts and impulses are still there, but with fluctuations. 

- SI/doom cloud 

- strong cortisol rush (after 7 hours sleep, won't complain !)

- anxiety : I have big spikes of anxiety-terror coming from nowhere. 

- a weird one hard to describe : spikes of dizziness/head in a vice/feeling of loosing control and going crazy/ impending annihilation/feeling physically paralysed

- depression/weepy : this one might be a side effect of Diazepam, and a 'normal' phase after so much restlessness. 

- spikes of DR/brain fog feeling utterly disconnected. 

- new : body aches in legs and arms + lower back.

I think this symptom is quite logical : my muscles were constantly contracted lately, now that they relax a bit I have aches. 

 

Current disabling symptoms are

Intrusive harm thoughts and impulses/ the weird one hard to describe/ anxiety-terror.

 

My life has radically changed during this switch (living with parents, not able to work) so I try to not overthink my situation, and above all not overthink the future.

 

Ready for more improvments....☀️

 

And wishing you all a bright day or a very sweet night ❤

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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  • Administrator
Altostrata

I am relieved you are doing better, Erell. You should gradually feel a little better as the fluoxetine and diazepam levels stabilize.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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21 hours ago, Erell said:

* Improvments (❤)

 

Dear @Erell - Thank you for letting us know how you are doing. It is so good to hear you are seeing some improvements! Good sleep is so important. Here's hoping for more healing! 🤗

2008-2016 - Lexapro 10 mg, tapered to 2.5 mg over one year then CT without issues
Feb 2, 2019 to July 24, 2019 - restarted Lexapro 5 mg for insomnia; July 25, 2019 increase Lexapro 10 mg, which caused increased anxiety and depression.
Nov 20, 2019 to Dec 11, 2019 - 3-week FT from Lexapro 10 mg to 7.5 mg to 5 mg to 0
Dec 12, 2019 to Feb 4, 2020 - drug-free and feeling good until horrible WD hit
Feb 5, 2020 to Feb 16, 2020 - Paxil 10 mg, resulted in very bad reaction
Feb 18, 2020 - reinstate Lexapro 5 mg and stabilizing

Oct 24, 2020 - start brassmonkey taper with 2.5% reduction; current: 4.9 mgai/6.7 mgpw

 

daily meditation 10-40 minutes, yoga 30 minutes; CBT & ACT therapy

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Longroadhome

@Erell

 

good to hear you are seeing improvements!! 
In  the near future you will start to stabilise 
you so have the right attitude to do this !! 

October 2004 -  October 2018 Paxil 20mg

October 2018 - November 2018 15mg Paxil 

Nov 2018 -  2x50 mg Pregabalin to help with Paxil WD

December 2018 - January 2019 10mg Paxil  

January 2019 - February 2019  7.5mg Paxil crashed 

February 2019 - 8.5mg Paxil

August 2019 - stopped both meds for 2.5 days meltdown 

August 2019 -  daily: 50mg Pregabalin April 2020 45mg May 40mg June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg, Aug 24mg

Nov 2019 - 8mg Paxil, March 2020 7.2mg April 6.5mg May 5.9mg June 5.4mg July 4.8mg

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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  • Moderator

In order to make a shorter signature and keep the infos about my Prozac bridge, just pasting it here.

 

PROZAC BRIDGE -  2020 

 

13th April : 10mg Paroxetine + 1mg Fluoxetine

16th April : 10mg Paroxetine + 2mg Fluoxetine

18th April - 30th April : dropped 2mg Paroxetine every 4 days, add 1mg Fluoxetine every 4 days

5th May : 1mg Paroxetine + 6mg Fluoxetine

9 May : 0.5mg Paroxetine + 6mg Fluoxetine 

22 May : 6mg Fluoxetine   (STOP PAROXETINE)

26 May : 0.1mg Paroxetine + 6mg Fluoxetine

9 June : 0.06mg Paroxetine + 6mg Fluoxetine

27 June : 0.07mg Paroxetine + 6mg Fluoxetine 

28 June : 0.06 Paroxetine + 7mg Fluoxetine

14 July : 0.06mg Paroxetine + 7.5 mg Fluoxetine 

24 July : 0.03mg Paroxetine + 7.5mg Fluoxetine 

5 August : 0.03mg Paroxetine + 8mg Fluoxetine 

9 August : 0.03mg Paroxetine +7.75mg Fluoxetine

16 August 7.5mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine 

19 August 7.25mg Fluoxetine. 0.33mg Diazepam (1 drop) + toothpick Paroxetine 

20 August: 7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine 

29 August 7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine + 1mg Diazepam 

 

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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Hi Erell,

I was wondering how you feel. You seem to improve a bit! And you’re always there to help other, you are so strong!

 

Je n’ai pas oublié l’idée qu’on se parle une bonne fois via Zoom ou autre. Ça pourrait être thérapeutique!

 

I wish you will feel better very soon. Thank you so much for all the help and hope you give to anybody. You are inspiring!

 

Have a nice weekend...

 

Anne-Marie

 

2008-2019: various ADs at various doses, initially for anxiety related insomnia.

2015-2018: Pristiq 50mg and Mirtazapine 30mg. Switched Pristiq to Venlafaxine.

2019-01: Stopped Venlafaxine after a 10 months taper. Updosed Mirtazapine to 45mg.

Summer 2019: Fast taper of Mirtazapine. Sept 2019, down to 30mg, hit bad W/D symptoms, so updosed to 45mg.

Tried escitalopram 10mg, C/T after 4 weeks. Tried Buspar, C/T after 5 days.

Jan 2020: Second mirtazapine weaning attempt, but end of january, big wave of symptoms, updose to 45mg Mirtazapine.

Feb 2020: 50mg quetiapineXR, CT after 2 weeks. 21 Feb 2020, found SA and staying on 45mg Mirtazapine, waiting for stabilization.

Quetiapine 25mg and Lorazepam 0.5mg PRN since may 2019, March 2020 stopped both.

Mirtazapine taper: 2020-10-21 43.88mg, 10-28 42.75mg, 11-04 41.63mg, 11-11 40.5mg, 11-24 41.6mg.

Supplements: Magnesium Glycinate, Omega-3, Melatonin2mg, Probiotic.

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sunnysideup69

Hello @Erell,

So glad to read there have been some improvements, especially around sleep - that's such an important one! Hope you've had a good weekend, over all. Sending you hugs. You've had a big life change but are riding it out successfully, I know you'll continue to improve ❤️ 

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also currently reducing caffeine, aiming to get off.

 

 

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  • Moderator

Thank you @Mimi79, you're so nice :)

I know you're currently in a wave, I really appreciate the time you take to support me. And wish you a nice window soon ❤️  

I'm always hesitant about PM's and calls : I have a lot of neuroemotions and always scared of triggering others with cries or anxiety. I'll let you know once I'll feel better and ready to discuss more quietly, because it could be nice to share in French :)

 

7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 August) + 1mg Diazepam (since 29 August)

 

--> Symptoms of activation from too high a dose have improved past week :

 

- extreme physical restlessness/kind of aka has almost disappeared, I sometimes have some spikes but they are lower.

- I still have intrusive thoughts/harm impulses. Fortunately it is now less constant and comes in spikes.

- "mental aka" : the absolute need to escape/SI surges/intense doom clouds now fluctuates and tend to be lower

- Since I take 1mg Diazepam, I sleep between 6 and 7 hours straight every night. (note : I'm not recommending to take benzo. I took it out of desperation, because of too much self harm/harm surges. But benzos carry a lot of risks.)

 

 

It seems that those symptoms are now gradually being replaced by :

- Very high chemical anxiety/random spikes of terror/ agoraphobia

- depressed feelings/ despair spikes/SI

i'm still mostly housebound, anxiety/terror makes it hard to be functionnal. I try to force myself a little bit almost everyday.

 

It depends on the day: yesterday I was not feeling restless, just highly anxious. Today anxiety is a bit better but I feel restless physically and mentally with urges to escape and SI.

 

In fact, after two months of changes trying to find the 'best' Prozac dosage, it seems that I'm slowly getting back to where I was in June, with the addition of intrusive violent thoughts...Wow, this is harsh to say and realise !

I have a lot of ruminations and self-criticism : I know these thoughts aren't helping so I do my best to try to ignore them.

 

Lot of battle fatigue I think : one year ago I was beginning a long journey to stabilisation by holding my Paroxetine dose, one year later I'm starting a new long journey toward stabilisation.

Must confess that I'm psychologically exhausted. 

 

I know lot of strong folks here are in the same situation, I'm grateful for being part of this community ❤️

 

 

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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Hi, Erell,

 

I’m so happy to read that your symptoms are more mild now.  Yes, battle fatigue is certainly a problem with WD.  My heart goes out to you, because I remember experiencing so much of what you recount on your thread.  The intrusive thoughts, ruminations, and self-criticism are exhausting.  Trying to control them is futile, but you can distract.  
 

It is a relief to me that you have your parents to help you, but I know there is a certain stress involved when one feels as if she is a burden.  I struggled with that a lot, and I realize now that I should not have worried so much about that issue.  Try to be kind to yourself if you can.  Your parents must be so glad that you are stabilizing, but if you have a wave, remember that they will continue to care for you.  Parental love is like none other.  Your job is endure, not to feel guilty for being ill.  
 

Simply try to have patience as much as possible for the thoughts and feelings to avoid adding guilt to the mix.  Do what you can to avoid them by doing something that occupies your mind.

 

Can you play music perhaps?  Do you have a piano or violin?  If so, learning a new piece of music can be healing.  If you can read, that is good, too.  Working to learn a language is also helpful to the brain.  I like to look up the origin of English words and try to sort them into categories based on the languages from which they derived.  Making order out of chaos, and English is chaotic, is a nice, entertaining way of distracting myself.  
 

I read children’s books in Spanish sometimes.  I tried to watch El Ministerio del Tiempo, but I took a break from it because it was too difficult.  Maybe it would not be for you.  It’s on Netflix.  Not all of the language is modern Spanish.  That makes it a fun challenge.  Keep your phone or iPad nearby to look up words.  It’s not a bad way to pass the time.  It’s better than letting your thoughts wander where they will.  I can recommend some childrens’ shows in English if you like.

 

💜Rosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Courage, @Erell, Courage quelle terrible épreuve a vivre.. Je vous souhaite une belle fenêtre et surtout rapidement, une guérison totale 😘😘😘

June 25 - July 8, 2020 - 2 weeks on Brintellix, suffered an adverse reaction.

 

25 juin - 8 juillet 2020-2 semaines sur Brintellix, a subi un effet indésirable.

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5 hours ago, Erell said:

Must confess that I'm psychologically exhausted

My dear erell, thoses words are too hard for me to read and iam sorry u are feeling so, may be because the same for me or because I understand these words at all.

If I were u and I started to take benzos and felt some relief, I would try to relax and use benzos to help me be ready to complete the taper again.

Never be upset because you are stronger than anything 🙏.

 

i wasn't on a certain drug all the period. i took many drugs many times and for no very long period but to simplify.

--fluvoxamine maleate100 mg + amisulpride 200mg------started july 2012 and total taper in february 2015 ( 9 months without drugs then)

--sertraline 100mg -------started november 2015 and total taper (withoud reduction slowly) in november 2016( 4 months withoud drugs then).

--sertraline 100mg + quetiabine 25mg ( started in mars 2016 and for 7 months) then fluvoxamine maleate 100mg again for another 7months and after that a something like to use every drug for 14 days and for about 1.5 years.

--my last drug was trintellix 10 mg ( used it in 12/2018and total taper in 4/2019).

symptomts i have now ( bad concentration and problems in short and long memory+ bad depersonalization).

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brassmonkey

((((((((((((((((((( Calins de Singe )))))))))))))))))))))

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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  • Mentor

Dear @Erell

What an amazing spirit you have. You are so connected to your body and mind and articulate everything so well. I know that you are facing such a hard road, and you are so inspiring to me, with your endurance, strength and beautiful kindness that you spread through this community. 
 Every time I look through your posts I look for some improvements that you have. 
You have this community rooting for you.

You are doing everything you can, and as you once told me, don’t be to hard on yourself. I know that feeling, being frustrated, exhausted and craving more improvements. 
What an endurance, and strength you have. This resilience will get you to your destination. 
 

This one is for you;

 

”She stood in the storm 

And when the wind did not blow her way.

She adjusted her sails”

 

Hugs to you💖


2000/ 20mg Paxil  for panic attacks. Many attempts to quit through out the years, without any success.

2019- January started tapering 20 mg Paxil. 
2019-October 10 mg Paxil , getting ready for a bridge with 20mg Prozac Took about 1 month during switch.

At one point my withdrawals were so bad I went up to 40 mg Prozac, but went quickly back down to 20 mg and very soon after that 10 mg Prozac.

Off  Paxil 2019/ November started tapering 10mg Prozac 2019/December 8 mg Prozac 

2020/January 4 mg Prozac 

2020/15/3 .09 mg jumped off

2020 March 16 off Prozac  Quetipine 25 mg used 1 time in 15 months, oxezapam 15 mg used 5 times 

Suppliments: Magnesium, omega 3 fish oil ( epa&dha) D and C vitamin 

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time” Leo Tolstoy 

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  • Moderator

Merci @Nyfa25 😙

@mustafa : youryour kindness and support are always like a warm hug !

@brassmonkey : you're a gem, this hug is the perfect gift before going to bed, merci !

 

5 hours ago, Rosetta said:

The intrusive thoughts, ruminations, and self-criticism are exhausting. 

So true  ! 

I would add to this nice menu the bias of comparison : I have a bad mind habit of comparing and beating myself on SA.

For example, I read people who manage to work during WD or manage to live outside despite symptoms and I keep asking myself why I don't manage to, why I don't manage to be as strong as others. 

It is a constant : what am I doing wrong.

 

I see all these ruminations as a swarm of bees buzzing in the head. The challenge is to avoid being stung  😉

 

I don't play music and don't manage to focus on movies. What works best for me is to be physically involved in an activity : gardening,cooking, walking...

And as I am at my parents home currently and they have accumulated tons of things in their house, I'm becoming a fan of sorting all these stuffs and cleaning 😄

And it helps with the guilt of being a burden 😉

 

Thank you @Rosetta for sharing your experience, I really appreciate it  !

 

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post

Oh, my.  This is very important: there are gradations of this syndrome.  Not everyone becomes severely ill.  I realized this as I began to recover.  


To my horror, actually, I discovered that I had been going through WD since I first tried antidepressants in 1988 or 89.  I was 19 then.  I had had an appendectomy.  It was unavoidable, but I believe the anesthesia caused depression.  I quit the antidepressant because of the side effects.  In any event, each time I took any drug, I became sicker.  Then, I would recover, it seemed, but eventually, I would feel worse.  Even other drugs that were not antidepressants caused problems.  The point is that I may have been having windows and waves from the beginning, and I never recovered from the dysautonomia (PAWS, ADWD).  This was because each time I had a new drug, my recovery was interrupted.   Each time I quit the new drug, my condition worsened. 
 

My signature doesn’t show every drug over 25 years (or every glass of alcohol), but I rarely went for more than 2 years without some new drug even if it was just for a tooth filling.  I never thought moderate drinking could be an issue.  I didn’t know pain medication was off-limits.  
 

Now that I understand that recovery can take years, I see that having a tooth cavity filled, taking pain medication after an accident, having surgery, taking any drug at all can make the dysautonomia more intense.  Stopping a drug can intensify it.  Changing a drug can, also.  

 

Some people do not have the misfortune to take so many drugs, and their illness does not progress so far.  Other people are hit hard by the first dose of an antidepressant or benzo and become severely ill immediately.  Of course, they are also the people most likely to be given many other drugs to try to correct the initial illness.  Each additional drug given to a sensitive nervous system causes the dysautonomia to worsen.  Each cold turkey or cold switch causes intensification.

 

You are not doing anything “wrong.”  You are not weaker than the people who can work.  Do you see that you have not had a break from assaults to your nervous system since 2008?  That’s 12 years!  Of course the degree of your ADWD syndrome is intense!  This is not a failing on your part, Erell.  This is a failing on the part of modern medicine, your doctors, and scientists everywhere.  While we were being taught to “Say no to drugs” there was no mention of being suspicious of doctors’ prescriptions.  There was no education of doctors about PAWS and the need to avoid cold turkey withdrawal of antidepressants, new prescriptions, changing prescriptions, etc.  You are where you are through no fault of your own.  You must remember that.


Rosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post

Oh my dear @Erell - You are so strong for so many. I think that you should treat yourself as you do so many others here - with so much wisdom, love, and compassion. I understand what you are doing when you compare yourself. I admit to doing the same thing, especially when I am suffering and think I should be doing better. Many of us here are very sensitive and that can be our undoing. But we all must be kinder to ourselves. I am holding you in my heart and hoping for healing! Bisous, Cigale

2008-2016 - Lexapro 10 mg, tapered to 2.5 mg over one year then CT without issues
Feb 2, 2019 to July 24, 2019 - restarted Lexapro 5 mg for insomnia; July 25, 2019 increase Lexapro 10 mg, which caused increased anxiety and depression.
Nov 20, 2019 to Dec 11, 2019 - 3-week FT from Lexapro 10 mg to 7.5 mg to 5 mg to 0
Dec 12, 2019 to Feb 4, 2020 - drug-free and feeling good until horrible WD hit
Feb 5, 2020 to Feb 16, 2020 - Paxil 10 mg, resulted in very bad reaction
Feb 18, 2020 - reinstate Lexapro 5 mg and stabilizing

Oct 24, 2020 - start brassmonkey taper with 2.5% reduction; current: 4.9 mgai/6.7 mgpw

 

daily meditation 10-40 minutes, yoga 30 minutes; CBT & ACT therapy

Link to post

@Rosetta and @Erell

19 hours ago, Erell said:

For example, I read people who manage to work during WD or manage to live outside despite symptoms and I keep asking myself why I don't manage to, why I don't manage to be as strong as others. 

The reasons why I’m able to work, my WD symptoms are probably not as intense as yours. And I have the chance that my colleagues and my boss are very, very comprehensive. They give me the chance to work at my beat, without putting pressure on me. It is a great help! Some day I’m not effective at all, but they don’t bother me with that. And I have the chance to take some day off when I need to, like today. 

 

3 hours ago, Rosetta said:

To my horror, actually, I discovered that I had been going through WD since I first tried antidepressants in 1988 or 89.

@Rosetta, this is an observation that I made when I first arrived on SA. I was in perpetual WD since my first ADWd attempt, 12 years ago. The WD from a drug bring another one and it goes like this for years, reinforcing the idea that I couldn’t live without ADs. My best years while I was on ADs was when I was stable on the same drug for numerous years. I know now that our CNS love stability, so it explains those « better years ». But after those good periods come a poop-out and another drug was added...anyway, we all know this story.

 

Dear Erell, I would like to have half of your resilience! You are going through this journey with hope, strength and courage. You remind me that we have to take every little step at a time, and be proud of our improvements.

You should read the book of Baylissa Frédérick, because you have a lot in common with her. Your strength and your desire to help others, even in your bad days, are qualities you are sharing.

 

Take care!

 

Anne-Marie

2008-2019: various ADs at various doses, initially for anxiety related insomnia.

2015-2018: Pristiq 50mg and Mirtazapine 30mg. Switched Pristiq to Venlafaxine.

2019-01: Stopped Venlafaxine after a 10 months taper. Updosed Mirtazapine to 45mg.

Summer 2019: Fast taper of Mirtazapine. Sept 2019, down to 30mg, hit bad W/D symptoms, so updosed to 45mg.

Tried escitalopram 10mg, C/T after 4 weeks. Tried Buspar, C/T after 5 days.

Jan 2020: Second mirtazapine weaning attempt, but end of january, big wave of symptoms, updose to 45mg Mirtazapine.

Feb 2020: 50mg quetiapineXR, CT after 2 weeks. 21 Feb 2020, found SA and staying on 45mg Mirtazapine, waiting for stabilization.

Quetiapine 25mg and Lorazepam 0.5mg PRN since may 2019, March 2020 stopped both.

Mirtazapine taper: 2020-10-21 43.88mg, 10-28 42.75mg, 11-04 41.63mg, 11-11 40.5mg, 11-24 41.6mg.

Supplements: Magnesium Glycinate, Omega-3, Melatonin2mg, Probiotic.

Link to post
19 hours ago, Erell said:

For example, I read people who manage to work during WD or manage to live outside despite symptoms and I keep asking myself why I don't manage to, why I don't manage to be as strong as others. 

It is a constant : what am I doing wrong.

Some do, the other dont and like u, I belong to the people who dont 😂.

Iam off work since almost a year erell.

You just should try to convince or put in your mind that today u are off wirk and tired and tomorrow all this will fade and hide and live normally.

 

i wasn't on a certain drug all the period. i took many drugs many times and for no very long period but to simplify.

--fluvoxamine maleate100 mg + amisulpride 200mg------started july 2012 and total taper in february 2015 ( 9 months without drugs then)

--sertraline 100mg -------started november 2015 and total taper (withoud reduction slowly) in november 2016( 4 months withoud drugs then).

--sertraline 100mg + quetiabine 25mg ( started in mars 2016 and for 7 months) then fluvoxamine maleate 100mg again for another 7months and after that a something like to use every drug for 14 days and for about 1.5 years.

--my last drug was trintellix 10 mg ( used it in 12/2018and total taper in 4/2019).

symptomts i have now ( bad concentration and problems in short and long memory+ bad depersonalization).

Link to post
  • Moderator

Thank you Mustafa, Mimi79, Rosetta, Hannah and Cigale ❤️

I would like to answer in details to your nice words, I don't manage to do it today, so I'll try later.

Wish you all a bright day and some sweet fresh air on your face ☀️

 

As you know, gardening is one of my favourite "changing the channel" tips, so here is my little hug from Brittany for all dear folks :

 

639992161_20200831_195320-ConvertImage(1).thumb.jpg.302b0c9d22eed0b206ed0230f4aae20b.jpg

 

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post

Dear @Erell - Your sweet carrot 🥕 hug is all I need for a reply. Bisous 😘 

2008-2016 - Lexapro 10 mg, tapered to 2.5 mg over one year then CT without issues
Feb 2, 2019 to July 24, 2019 - restarted Lexapro 5 mg for insomnia; July 25, 2019 increase Lexapro 10 mg, which caused increased anxiety and depression.
Nov 20, 2019 to Dec 11, 2019 - 3-week FT from Lexapro 10 mg to 7.5 mg to 5 mg to 0
Dec 12, 2019 to Feb 4, 2020 - drug-free and feeling good until horrible WD hit
Feb 5, 2020 to Feb 16, 2020 - Paxil 10 mg, resulted in very bad reaction
Feb 18, 2020 - reinstate Lexapro 5 mg and stabilizing

Oct 24, 2020 - start brassmonkey taper with 2.5% reduction; current: 4.9 mgai/6.7 mgpw

 

daily meditation 10-40 minutes, yoga 30 minutes; CBT & ACT therapy

Link to post

@Erell

Are you still looking for good books about anxiety in French? I have some good suggestions if you want. 
 

🤗 Big hugs from Montréal!

 

Mimi

2008-2019: various ADs at various doses, initially for anxiety related insomnia.

2015-2018: Pristiq 50mg and Mirtazapine 30mg. Switched Pristiq to Venlafaxine.

2019-01: Stopped Venlafaxine after a 10 months taper. Updosed Mirtazapine to 45mg.

Summer 2019: Fast taper of Mirtazapine. Sept 2019, down to 30mg, hit bad W/D symptoms, so updosed to 45mg.

Tried escitalopram 10mg, C/T after 4 weeks. Tried Buspar, C/T after 5 days.

Jan 2020: Second mirtazapine weaning attempt, but end of january, big wave of symptoms, updose to 45mg Mirtazapine.

Feb 2020: 50mg quetiapineXR, CT after 2 weeks. 21 Feb 2020, found SA and staying on 45mg Mirtazapine, waiting for stabilization.

Quetiapine 25mg and Lorazepam 0.5mg PRN since may 2019, March 2020 stopped both.

Mirtazapine taper: 2020-10-21 43.88mg, 10-28 42.75mg, 11-04 41.63mg, 11-11 40.5mg, 11-24 41.6mg.

Supplements: Magnesium Glycinate, Omega-3, Melatonin2mg, Probiotic.

Link to post
  • Moderator

Hello, 

 

@Altostrata : if you're ok, I have some questions to submit.

 

I might need an external view : I don't know if my issue is about acceptance and common waves and windows / or if my wonders are relevant.

The fact that I'm struggling a lot might affect my judgements. 

 

1.

I introduced 1mg Diazepam on 29 August, I take it at 9am (I know it was a risky and not relevant choice)  : during one week I experienced improvments

- I slept 6-7h straight 

- evenings were easier than the day

- surprised myself a few time laughing spontaneously

- was able to "expose" myself a bit more outside the house : some food shopping

- was able to engage in an activity (cleaning, gardening) for more than 20 minutes

- mental restlessness was overall lower

- intrusive harm thoughts decreased greatly

 

After one week :

- sleep is disrupted and light, restless

- evenings are not easier, and even sometimes harder : random spikes of sheer terror

- the mental surges to espace are back, feeling of going crazy

- intrusive harm thoughts seem to spike again

 

---> Question : does it sound like : paradoxical reaction to Diazepam ? / or normal windows and waves in the context of Paxil WD-CNS destabilisation ? ( @Shep)

Between Paxil WD, Fluoxetine dose, I'm a bit lost when trying to interpret my daily notes.

 

2.

I know it is important to not obsess about symptoms, but I've found some comfort in reading old daily notes. 

It seems that, since the beginning of my Prozac bridge, the best I've felt was first week of June when I was taking : 6mg Fluoxetine +0.1mg Paroxetine (only symptoms were low anxiety and low agoraphobia, I felt functionnal)

 

---> does this indicate someting about an optimal dosage, or is it completely irrelevant since it was 3 months ago ?

---> does the fact that I've felt ok during the switch mean that I will probably be able to stabilise on Fluoxetine and that my switch is working ?

 

 

I'm having a challenging time with accepting the fact that I'm going through acute mental symptoms, and the fact that I'm mostly housebound with debilitating issues.

From what i've read, most people have intense reaction after making a big leap in dosage, such as adding 10mg.

I feel like I tried to do everything right and cautiously and failed.

Perhaps my issue also comes from the fact that I need to understand everything, always have, while there are too much unknown when dealing with psychdrugs.

 

I also know that I am lucky to be physically able to do things, and this is definitely on my gratitude list.

 

Anyway, I thank you in advance and wish you a sweet and sunny day ☀️

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post
  • Administrator
Altostrata
1 hour ago, Erell said:

---> Question : does it sound like : paradoxical reaction to Diazepam ? / or normal windows and waves in the context of Paxil WD-CNS destabilisation ?

Between Paxil WD, Fluoxetine dose, I'm a bit lost when trying to interpret my daily notes.

 

Does sound like something is going on with diazepam. Maybe split the dose 0.5mg morning and 0.5mg 12 hours later, in the evening? I'd make the change by moving 0.5mg from the morning dose one hour later each day until you're on schedule. Hopefully, this will settle your system.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Moderator
1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

 

Does sound like something is going on with diazepam. Maybe split the dose 0.5mg morning and 0.5mg 12 hours later, in the evening? I'd make the change by moving 0.5mg from the morning dose one hour later each day until you're on schedule. Hopefully, this will settle your system.

 

Thanks for your input ❤

 

I also know that you suggest an updose of 0.25mg Fluoxetine. 

I have to make decisions in order to not make changes at the same time. 

 

While holding Paroxetine for 7 months, I never took a benzo and didn't consider it despite hard symptoms.

This switch is a whole different story, I never thought I could consider benzo again in my life.

 

I don't know how to unravel the mess I created with my bridge. 

Might be the terror speaking but I feel like I've failed and can't catch up.

And this is all my fault.

 

Can I still reasonably feel confident about my situation ?

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post
  • Administrator
Altostrata
On 8/29/2020 at 11:35 AM, Altostrata said:

....From your experiences, my guess is you are a fast metabolizer via liver enzyme CYP2D6. Both paroxetine and fluoxetine speed out of your system. As I said, 3-week washout for a change in fluoxetine dosage is at the lower end of the range.

 

This is not likely to cause a problem with diazepam.

 

On 9/4/2020 at 12:04 AM, Erell said:

28 June : 0.06 Paroxetine + 7mg Fluoxetine

14 July : 0.06mg Paroxetine + 7.5 mg Fluoxetine 

24 July : 0.03mg Paroxetine + 7.5mg Fluoxetine 

5 August : 0.03mg Paroxetine + 8mg Fluoxetine 

9 August : 0.03mg Paroxetine +7.75mg Fluoxetine

16 August 7.5mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine 

19 August 7.25mg Fluoxetine. 0.33mg Diazepam (1 drop) + toothpick Paroxetine 

20 August: 7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine 

29 August 7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine + 1mg Diazepam 

 

3 hours ago, Erell said:

I also know that you suggest an updose of 0.25mg Fluoxetine. 

 

You found that 7.5mg fluoxetine was too much, correct? Then you went down in 2 steps to 7mg August 20, adding diazepam August 29.

 

What times of day do you take your drugs, with their dosages?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Moderator
13 hours ago, Altostrata said:

What times of day do you take your drugs, with their dosages?

8am : 7mg Fluoxetine + Paroxetine booster with a toothpick

9am : 1mg Diazepam

 

13 hours ago, Altostrata said:

You found that 7.5mg fluoxetine was too much, correct?

 

Here is a summary :

 

On 8/20/2020 at 12:21 AM, Erell said:

26 May - 8 June : 6mg Fluoxetine + 0.1mg Fluoxetine

Very low symptoms

 

9 -27 June : drop to 0.06mg Paroxetine (in order to end the crossover). Hard times !

Week 1 : extreme diarrhea, flu like symptoms, exhaustion. Got tested for Covid, tests came back negative.

Week 2 : Better physically. Anxiety increases.

Week 3 : anxiety very high, huge crying spells, doom feelings,  SI.

 

28 June - 13 July : Increase to 7mg Fluoxetine ( + 0.06mg Paroxetine).

Week 1 : deep depression, crying spells.

Week 2 : depression fade, anxiety increase to high.

Cortisol rushes appear. Disrupted sleep.

Oscillations and improvments : anxiety and depression low  for 1hour (mostly on evenings) on day 6/8/9/11/15. 

 

14 July- 4 August: Increase to 7.5mg Fluoxetine (trying to reach the sweet spot). Drop Paroxetine to 0.03mg on 24 July.

Struggle with anxiety, depression, doom feelings and intermitent DR. Some surges to escape (mild).

Cortisol rush (only after 6 hours of sleep).

Oscillations and improvments : anxiety and depression low  for 1hour on day 2/3/11/12/13/18. 

 

5 August-8 August : updose Fluoxetine to 8mg (still trying to find the sweet spot).

After 3 days, dread and inner restlessness appear. 

 

9 August-15 August : 7.75mg Fluoxetine. 

From 9 to 14 August : restlesness and dread high, with oscillations. 

Sleep : around 5 hours. 

On 15 August : restlessness/ akathisia explode, can't sit still, surges all day. Doom feelings and SI surges. 

 

16 August : stop Paroxetine, take only 7.5mg Fluoxetine 

restlessness/akathisia. No relief.

Violent thoughts.

Sleep 4 hours.

 

 

Then I dropped to 7.25mg Fluoxetine, then to 7mg in order to bring the blood level of the drug down enough and stayed there since.

Dropping seems to help with physical restlessness/activation, not much with mental symptoms. 

 

From what I've read, intrusive thoughts and impulses are quite common in adverse reactions or too high dosage. Mine appeared this August and are still intense despite decreased dosage.

That is why I hesitate about 7.25mg Fluoxetine,  I'm too afraid to harm somebody.

 

I introduced 1mg Diazepam in a desperate attempt to mitigate intense self harm / harm intrusive thoughts and impulses and inner restlessness.

I understand it might confuses things now, or makes things worse and feel stupid for it.

 

Could posting daily notes for a few days help ?

 

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post
  • Moderator

I didn't know that my levels of anxiety and depression in July would feel nice now. Had never been afraid of myself.

 

I spend really rough days with intense surges to escape/harm intrusive thoughts/ mental restlessness. 

Inner impulses scares me, it's like the real me has disappeared.

 

My feet don't seem to be mine and they scare me when I look at them. 

 

I'm sorry to express my ordeal here, I don't know where to turn.

I try to find strenght and hope in myself but I only find scary thoughts and don't know who I am anymore. 

 

I try to practice mindfullness but everything frightened me.

 

I feel guilty with my parents : they are sweet and try to support me but they don't know how a strange person I became. Can't tell them the truth about my thoughts.

I love them so much.

 

Is it really possible to loose connection with reality or are my thoughts just lies ?

Really afraid of loosing control and going crazy. My harm/self harm impulses - surges to escape are torturing me and are my most challenging symptom. 

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post
1 hour ago, Erell said:

I didn't know that my levels of anxiety and depression in July would feel nice now. Had never been afraid of myself.

 

I spend really rough days with intense surges to escape/harm intrusive thoughts/ mental restlessness. 

Inner impulses scares me, it's like the real me has disappeared.

 

My feet don't seem to be mine and they scare me when I look at them. 

 

I'm sorry to express my ordeal here, I don't know where to turn.

I try to find strenght and hope in myself but I only find scary thoughts and don't know who I am anymore. 

 

I try to practice mindfullness but everything frightened me.

 

I feel guilty with my parents : they are sweet and try to support me but they don't know how a strange person I became.

I love them so much.

 

Is it really possible to loose connection with reality or are my thoughts just lies ?

Really afraid of loosing control and going crazy.

Erell,

I think u are describing the symptomts I had been suffering for 18 months now and still do; for countless times I thought that I would lose awareness and I felt totally detached; I know the feeling of DP u are feeling and describing now is different to the levels of DP u felt before and that is which was scaring me alot, that iam totally lost and dont know or feel anything about anything or any one( of course I know people but with no sense at all and very deatached from all of them).

But until now, I never lost awareness nor control although the symptomts were so difficult and I think iam not going to lose awareness at all( as a result of the symptomts) so dont worry about this and just focus how to correct your doses .

 

i wasn't on a certain drug all the period. i took many drugs many times and for no very long period but to simplify.

--fluvoxamine maleate100 mg + amisulpride 200mg------started july 2012 and total taper in february 2015 ( 9 months without drugs then)

--sertraline 100mg -------started november 2015 and total taper (withoud reduction slowly) in november 2016( 4 months withoud drugs then).

--sertraline 100mg + quetiabine 25mg ( started in mars 2016 and for 7 months) then fluvoxamine maleate 100mg again for another 7months and after that a something like to use every drug for 14 days and for about 1.5 years.

--my last drug was trintellix 10 mg ( used it in 12/2018and total taper in 4/2019).

symptomts i have now ( bad concentration and problems in short and long memory+ bad depersonalization).

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Longroadhome
1 hour ago, Erell said:

I didn't know that my levels of anxiety and depression in July would feel nice now. Had never been afraid of myself.

 

I spend really rough days with intense surges to escape/harm intrusive thoughts/ mental restlessness. 

Inner impulses scares me, it's like the real me has disappeared.

 

My feet don't seem to be mine and they scare me when I look at them. 

 

I'm sorry to express my ordeal here, I don't know where to turn.

I try to find strenght and hope in myself but I only find scary thoughts and don't know who I am anymore. 

 

I try to practice mindfullness but everything frightened me.

 

I feel guilty with my parents : they are sweet and try to support me but they don't know how a strange person I became.

I love them so much.

 

Is it really possible to loose connection with reality or are my thoughts just lies ?

Really afraid of loosing control and going crazy.

Erell 

The very fact you say “is it possible to

lose connection with reality “  Shows you are conscious of how you feel . If you were disconnected you would not be asking the question. it’s your injured brain telling you to believe all the negative thoughts. Don’t listen wave them away and tell them “I will recover” . Because you will. 
It is so good you have two “go to” people, your mum and dad to support you through this. 

You give as well as have a lot of support on this site So many are rooting for you such is the person you are.  
keep moving forward   your time will come. 
 

October 2004 -  October 2018 Paxil 20mg

October 2018 - November 2018 15mg Paxil 

Nov 2018 -  2x50 mg Pregabalin to help with Paxil WD

December 2018 - January 2019 10mg Paxil  

January 2019 - February 2019  7.5mg Paxil crashed 

February 2019 - 8.5mg Paxil

August 2019 - stopped both meds for 2.5 days meltdown 

August 2019 -  daily: 50mg Pregabalin April 2020 45mg May 40mg June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg, Aug 24mg

Nov 2019 - 8mg Paxil, March 2020 7.2mg April 6.5mg May 5.9mg June 5.4mg July 4.8mg

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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  • Mentor

Dear Erell 

I feel like you are way to hard on yourself. 

1 hour ago, Erell said:

I feel guilty with my parents : they are sweet and try to support me but they don't know how a strange person I became.

I love them so much.

You should not feel quilty. Your parents will love you no matter what. Might want to consider that your emotions will get more intense without Paxil, that’s my experience. It has been and is my own biggest challenge. 

 

4 hours ago, Erell said:

I understand it might confuses things now, or makes things worse and feel stupid for it.

Don’t ever feel stupid. You are trying to survive this ordeal and everyone in here understands. Take that thought out.


Have you tried to sit in silence, looking at your surroundings and being aware of your body and breathing. And when you look, you can see that you are safe. So what remains, your thoughts right. If you’re thoughts are negative and doubtful it can impact on your emotions. 
I use this very simple  thing when I struggle. Just a few moments to make myself aware of the reality instead of thoughts and my so-called story in my head.


Sending you strength and praying for your piece💖

 

 

 


 


2000/ 20mg Paxil  for panic attacks. Many attempts to quit through out the years, without any success.

2019- January started tapering 20 mg Paxil. 
2019-October 10 mg Paxil , getting ready for a bridge with 20mg Prozac Took about 1 month during switch.

At one point my withdrawals were so bad I went up to 40 mg Prozac, but went quickly back down to 20 mg and very soon after that 10 mg Prozac.

Off  Paxil 2019/ November started tapering 10mg Prozac 2019/December 8 mg Prozac 

2020/January 4 mg Prozac 

2020/15/3 .09 mg jumped off

2020 March 16 off Prozac  Quetipine 25 mg used 1 time in 15 months, oxezapam 15 mg used 5 times 

Suppliments: Magnesium, omega 3 fish oil ( epa&dha) D and C vitamin 

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time” Leo Tolstoy 

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  • Administrator
Altostrata

Why would diazepam work for a week, then stop working?

 

Changes in both diazepam and fluoxetine require weeks to fully take effect. The diazepam you started August 29 should be at a consistent level now. Diazepam's peak plasma is within 2 hours after ingestion, if you were going to have a paradoxical reaction, it would occur in mid-morning. My guess the activation is coming from fluoxetine -- peak plasma is 6-8 hours after ingestion.

 

An updose of fluoxetine to 8mg might take several weeks to settle out, even if you immediately went back to 7mg. You were loading fluoxetine since July 14; we know the 8mg you took the last time on August 8 was too high, and possibly the other doses of fluoxetine (9 August-15 August : 7.75mg Fluoxetine, 19 August : 7.25mg Fluoxetine) you took up to August 29 might have been too high, too. From July 14-August 29 -- 6 weeks -- your fluoxetine doses might have been too high, building a foundation of fluoxetine level that is still slowly leaching away.

 

(We had speculated that you are a fast metabolizer via cyp 2D6, which affected paroxetine at low doses but probably doesn't determine your fluoxetine metabolization.)

 

If your worsening symptoms seem to be regularly occurring in the afternoon, my guess is the fluoxetine you're taking at 8 a.m. is causing activation, and you're still taking too much fluoxetine.

 

Why are you taking fluoxetine and diazepam together? You know we prefer to see separation between the drugs. If you moved diazepam gradually later, say to noon, it may help you with the afternoon activation from fluoxetine and help you sleep better.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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sunnysideup69

Sending you love and hugs from London, @Erell ❤️ 

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also currently reducing caffeine, aiming to get off.

 

 

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