Erell: struggling with paroxetine

[Hanna72]

Dear @Erell

I am so sorry that you have to endure so much pain and struggle, it’s just so unfair. 

I want to suggest to you what I did when I had no appetite when I crashed. At my work we also do this with patients who struggle to eat and have no appetite.

I made smoothies, and packed them with healthy nutritions. It’s so important for your body to get nutrients, and often people have easier time with drinking than eating solid foods. 
You might have already tried this, I just wanted to point this solution out to you.

My thoughts are with you💕

 

[Erell]

Thank you dear friends ❤️ 
I will keep going on, I still have hope to see improvements. I've read so many testimonies of healing, I want to believe that my nervous system can also calm down.

It's just really hard to be a longtimer and to live in such a state day after day without a break.

 

I still do a slooow taper of Prozac, with the hope that this molecule might be contributing to my symptoms and I might see some improvements as I lower the dose.
I never really know if it's a good idea as stability is quite a complex concept when dealing with PAWS. I hope I'm helping my body by doing so.

 

I also use all my self-care tools less: this may seem paradoxical, but I think it's important in my case.
I realized that all these tools I was putting in place during the day were only reinforcing my resistance and non-acceptance: I was compulsively using these tools with the hope that they would suppress my symptoms. Instead of offering a relaxing moment to my body, I was strongly resisting and "doing" instead of floating.

Instead, I try to gradually learn to use these tools with love: do a Tai Chi session because I want to do my body good, do a relaxation session because I feel like it, etc.

 

10 hours ago, Hanna72 said:

I made smoothies, and packed them with healthy nutritions. It’s so important for your body to get nutrients, and often people have easier time with drinking than eating solid foods. 

Thank you for your suggestion ❤️ 
I'm lucky as my body now accept solid food, and I'm fortunate to live with my parents (even if I didn't imagine my life like this at my age ) so they can cook, clean, food-shop when I can't.

I eat good portions, but my body keeps getting thinner.
I think the issue for me is going to be improving my digestion: I have a lot of digestive and intestinal issues since paxil PAWS, so I don't know if I'm absorbing the nutrients properly.

 

I've been studying the GAPS/SCD diets a lot in the last few weeks and I'm starting to phase out grains and starch from my diet.
I won't be doing the strict diet, I think it may be too brutal for my already damaged body, but I am doing a diet of my own.
I feel like my digestive system is doing a little better since I eliminated the grains, to be continued...

 

Ok, let's hope this day will be a peaceful one for everybody : sending my best wishes to everybody ❤️ 

 

[Cheeky]

You really are one incredible lady, you endure so much but your so resilient. I really hope you see improvements, you deserve it. Hang in there, we will all get better ❤️‍🩹 

[getofflex]

3 hours ago, Erell said:

I've read so many testimonies of healing, I want to believe that my nervous system can also calm down.

Your nervous system will heal!  Altostrata took a long time to heal from Paxil, and you will definitely heal, too.  

 

4 hours ago, Erell said:

I never really know if it's a good idea as stability is quite a complex concept when dealing with PAWS

Yes, it is.  I find knowing when to do another decrease more of an art than a science.  There are always ups and downs in life, and the trick is to figure out if the ups and downs are caused by WD, or just by other things in life, like stress, other health issues, hormones, etc.  

 

4 hours ago, Erell said:

I also use all my self-care tools less: this may seem paradoxical, but I think it's important in my case.
I realized that all these tools I was putting in place during the day were only reinforcing my resistance and non-acceptance: I was compulsively using these tools with the hope that they would suppress my symptom

What a great insight.  Yes, I think we all have the tendency to want to control the situation, which is perfectly normal, since it is a painful situation, and we all want it fixed.  This post by brassmonkey is really good about this: 

 

Brassmonkey Trusting Out Body to Heal

 

4 hours ago, Erell said:

I feel like my digestive system is doing a little better since I eliminated the grains, to be continued...

 

I'm glad to hear this.  I'll keep on praying! Hang in there, it's a long tough road, but there is an end to it.  

[sunnysideup69]

Hello @Erell, dropping by to say hello and find out how you are doing. 

I've been reading your thread. Sending you massive amounts of love. You are one strong lady xxx

[Rosetta]

Thinking of you, Erell.  I agree with Sunnyside, you are amazing! -R

[Erell]

Thank you for your lovely support! I am always amazed at the generosity of support in this community: thank you! ❤️ 

 

I apologize for taking time to reply, even though I come here almost every day (to read my favorite Success ) : I was waiting to have some good news to announce and I really wanted to come back on my thread to announce a wonderful surprise window! 
Well, no change on the horizon for the moment, too bad, it will be for the next time.

I am still in a kind of constant wave with fluctuations within this "wave".
I still live every day with the same symptoms, and I do my best to live with them... which means that some days I just do my best to survive, while other days I manage to live a bit.

 

I believe I have made some progress in my ability to accept and live with the crazy intrusive thoughts/impulses that plague me since many months. 

It is still a real challenge, and I still can be very upset by their content. But I keep on doing my best and trying to remember that all this crazy journey is only temporary, even if temporary is sometimes synonymous with long time... !
And the days I can't remain hopeful, I read and re-read all my favorite Success Stories : these healing testimonies are so powerful, if you are going through this and getting better, share the good news!

 

I am also continuing to taper the Prozac, reducing by 1.20% every 4 weeks or so. I don't feel like these reductions make any difference, which in itself is good news in that it doesn't seem to destabilize further my nervous system. 
I'm still cautious, though, because I know my body still has a lot of healing to do after my Prozac bridge/Paxil CT.

I'm 18 months after this CT, so even if I don't accept it everyday, I know I might still be in early days.

But I keep going with the hope that by reducing the prozac I may be helping my nervous system.

 

I'm much less active here even though I come by almost every day. I'm not sure why, I think that reading about the suffering of others is still very triggering for me and feed my worse fears. So I try not to fuel my monkey WD mind and focus on positive reports.
I realise I do this in a selfish way, and as a people pleaser I obviously feel guilty about it, but I strongly hope that one day I'll feel confident and strong enough to give back to this community all that it has offered me.

 

Well, as I say, nothing really new to add, and I am tired of this long journey. But I keep going, and I celebrate my recovery in advance when I imagine myself healed, resilient, and appeased... we will get there ❤️  

 

[Hanna72]

Dear @Erell

Just read your updates.

I wanted to give you some encouragement, as I feel bonded to you as we have been on some what similar journey, with the same drugs, and I know the struggles and pain, though not as persistent and long as you have had to endure.

 

On 11/5/2021 at 7:54 PM, Erell said:

t is still a real challenge, and I still can be very upset by their content

All of us in here understand and there is no words to describe how unfair you have had to suffer. I am so sorry to hear this and it breaks my heart.

 

On 11/5/2021 at 7:54 PM, Erell said:

I think that reading about the suffering of others is still very triggering for me and feed my worse fears.

I am the same way, and it’s totally understandable. 
 

 

On 11/5/2021 at 7:54 PM, Erell said:

I realise I do this in a selfish way, and as a people pleaser I obviously feel guilty about it

Do NOT feel guilty about a thing, you have to think about your own health before others, it’s not a selfish thing but a wise thing to do!

 

Remind yourself of what you have been able to overcome 

All the times you felt like you weren’t going to make it through, you proved yourself wrong, believe me Erell you are more powerful then you think.

Never quit, never give in you are worth everything you dream off, never loose the faith.

 

Big hugs sent your way, I am with you in spirit, always 💕

[Rosetta]

(((Erell))) I’m sorry it’s so hard to endure right now.  I wish I could fix it. - Rosetta

[Erell]

Dear @Hanna72 and @Rosetta, it was amazing to read your messages of support this morning, thank you so much 🙏🧡

 

I'm not going to lie, I'm not doing well.
I try to keep in mind that my nervous system is constantly trying to heal, but it's hard. 
For 19 months now, I've felt like I'm surviving on a bad acid trip, 19 months that I've been living between awful peaks and moments *feeling somehow a bit more bearable*.

With each peak I hope that I will experience what so many people describe, the fact that these days of hell will leave me with a better level of normal WD afterwards. Unfortunately, that's not the case for me, for now.

 

I am well aware that 19 months can be considered "early days" when it comes to protacted withdrawal after a CT.

And I try to take inspiration from all those people who have made it through the long haul.

 

I thought that as time went on, it would be "easier" to live with these symptoms because of the experience I would gain. But in fact, the more time passes the harder it is to stay strong and confident without evidence of healing.

 

Two things in particular keep me going: the fact that I get a few hours of sleep, which gives me a break, and the fact that I read a lot of testimonials from people who say that the first two years were the hardest. 
I survive with the hope that in a few months I can start living instead of surviving in my room.

 

I read a lot Baylissa's website, her insistence that healing is inevitable helps me to keep going. So do the Success Stories.
Thank you so much to all the people who take the time to share their progress and their well-being, you are angels ❤️ 

 

I'm not touching my prozac dose anymore for the moment, I'm not sure it was a good idea to start a taper in such a state, even with tiny drops. I don't know anymore. 

 

I'm sorry, that's not a very positive message. I'll try to do better next time 🙏

 

I send my best wishes to all strong survivors !
 

Edited November 16, 2021 by Erell

[siderale]

Sending love Erell, I'm so sorry that you see little to no improvement. I am positive that healing will happen for everyone as we can see from the wildly different success stories, but it is so unfair that it can take so damn long. You're so strong, even though you're probably tired of hearing this and would much rather have a break! I don't mean it none the less. I'm sending all the thoughts and love I can towards you, and cross fingers that you get to see some clear relief very soon. Take great care of you, and don't apologise for being negative. It is your journey, and better days are ahead. 💙

[Greatful]

@Erell  Hi, Erell, My heart goes out to you,  I can feel your pain, most of us here have/or are feeling in too.  What these drugs do to make such a mess out of our body's and brains is more than I can comprehend.

 

You are an inspiration and have enormous will power, 19 months is a long time, but you know time passes regardless of what is going on in our lives, so all you have to do if hold onto the days and they will pull you into the future.

 

On 10/7/2021 at 3:23 AM, Erell said:

I also use all my self-care tools less: this may seem paradoxical, but I think it's important in my case.
I realized that all these tools I was putting in place during the day were only reinforcing my resistance and non-acceptance: I was compulsively using these tools with the hope that they would suppress my symptoms. Instead of offering a relaxing moment to my body, I was strongly resisting and "doing" instead of floating.

Thank you for saying this.  I also have found I am putting to much pressure on myself to learn this skill and that skill and do this and do that. Then when they don't work as well as you think they should, you take it personally that you must not be doing it right ........  I do know that learning some meditation has helped me not get so attached to my thoughts.  But that being said,  I find that I feel less stressed if I do whatever feels right for that day. I do try to meditate 1 time day and walk once a day on the treadmill after that I am trying to put 0 expectation on myself.  Just like you state, float through the thoughts, anxiety, what ever is plaquing you that day.  And it is okay to just do nothing, if watching tv, reading, art, laying on the couch all day is all you can do that's okay....

 

On 11/5/2021 at 2:54 PM, Erell said:

I'm much less active here even though I come by almost every day. I'm not sure why, I think that reading about the suffering of others is still very triggering for me and feed my worse fears.

Thank you again for sharing this too.  There will be days were I can hardly go on here. There is so much pain, fear and desperation.  The days were you can hardly survive for yourself means you have no extra energy for anyone else.

 

  I think we put to much expectations on ourselves in all areas of healing, I should be feeling better, I should be able to do more, why can't I get past these obsessing thoughts, ocd, ect.  We must put ourselves first and what our needs are for that day to survive.  Find the least amount of stimulation and pressure to put on ourselves.  Accept where you are and what you can do at any given time. 

I too look forward to the evening, I can say I made it through another day.❤️

 

Hoping you get a big window, or at least a break enough to breath and regroup.

Please be kind to yourself and know that you are not alone.❤️

 

 

[Longroadhome]

Thinking of you @Erell

I fully understand how you must be feeling 19 months along and seeing no signs of improvement. No respite. But the strength and resilience that has got you this far will continue to move you forward into the next hour the next day the next week. All you have to do is keep going just as you have been doing. I know ... easier said than done but it’s the only way. Never lose hope. Recovery is inevitable. X
 

[Longroadhome]

This  was sent to another member earlier this week by Judith (success story) and I am sending it to you as a reminder 🦋

 

You are stronger than you think. We know that withdrawal is complex and cruel, but you must believe that you can make it through to the end. As challenging as it is, it won’t break you.  Nothing is going to happen that is life threatening. Once you are emotionally safe, you will get to the finishing line. Just like you have managed in the past, the strength that brought you this far will take you the rest of the way.

Don’t underestimate your resilience and the potential of the human body to heal. Whether you are still tapering, you have come off the drug and are in withdrawal, or you have been suffering for longer than anticipated, you will heal.

You are going to be okay. You won’t break. Remember those before you who were once where you are now. They made it to the other side and you will too. One day the symptoms will disappear, never to return, and you will be able to celebrate your recovery.

The storm clouds will drift away and the sun will shine down on you again. Be patient and keep going. Always remember that, this is healing in action. This is passing. This, too, shall pass. It is inevitable.

[Aurorax]

Reading the encouraging comments in this thread honestly makes me concerned. It's starting to sound like an echo chamber. How do you all know that this waiting and positive thinking is the right thing to do? We know that people heal eventually after quitting SSRI:s, but do we have any research backing up the claim that everyone stabilizes after a Paxil to Prozac bridge? That's like saying everyone does well on Prozac eventually, and we know that's not true.

 

On 11/16/2021 at 9:30 AM, Erell said:

For 19 months now, I've felt like I'm surviving on a bad acid trip

 

@Erell, no one on this forum knows if your worst symptoms are Paxil wd at this point or "side effects" from Prozac. If it's side effects, then you are waiting in vain. You say you have seen no improvements at all after 19 months. I find that concerning. Have you taken a cyp-test to make sure you can metabolize Prozac properly?

 

On 11/16/2021 at 9:30 AM, Erell said:

I survive with the hope that in a few months I can start living instead of surviving in my room.

 

On 11/16/2021 at 9:30 AM, Erell said:

I'm not touching my prozac dose anymore for the moment, I'm not sure it was a good idea to start a taper in such a state, even with tiny drops.

 

Have you decided how long you are willing to wait for stabilization? I don't mean this as a rhetorical question. I ask because I care about you, and it looks to me like you might need to change your approach to get forward. I don't have the answer, but maybe you need to decide when to give up stabilization and insted taper off the Prozac? Perhaps you need to set a date and stick to it no matter how scared you are.

 

You have what it takes to go through this, and you will recover. What bothers me is that you might lose more years than necessary because you are afraid to taper and get worse. Maybe living through absolute hell for a while is a better choice than living like this one or several more years? There will come a day when you have recovered and look back. You will eventually forget what hell was like, but you will never get back those lost years.

 

On 11/16/2021 at 9:30 AM, Erell said:

I'm sorry, that's not a very positive message. I'll try to do better next time 🙏

 

No, don't try to "do better". Express what you think and what you feel. That's what this forum is for. It was a relief reading your latest post because it felt like the real Erell finally showed up. ❤️

 

I'm sure you are already well aware of all of this, but maybe it's time to make a decision? Maybe getting worse and moving forward will feel better than this anxious waiting for relief? I don't know, but I think it's worth considering.

 

Someone once said that all the best things in life are placed on the other side of terror. I believe that is true.

 

Aurorax

[Longroadhome]

Point taken @Aurorax

and it’s a good point to. 
But it’s for the person concerned to come to that decision. And for us to support wherever they are right now because that is their choice. 
I think you are very wise  in many of your comments  I have seen posted.    
However we are not here to make a life changing decision for another member only to support their chosen journey and wherever that may be right now within that journey. 

[Aurorax]

40 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

However we are not here to make a life changing decision for another member only to support their chosen journey and wherever that may be right now within that journey. 

 

I'm not trying to decide for @Erell, and I'm sorry if my post came off that way. That was not my intention. I don't even have an opinion on what's the right decision. I'm just trying to challenge with a different perspective. Encouraging people to wait for healing like everyone else is doing here also encourages a specific decision, the decision to wait.
 
Aurorax

[Longroadhome]

1 hour ago, Aurorax said:

 

I'm not trying to decide for @Erell, and I'm sorry if my post came off that way. That was not my intention. I don't even have an opinion on what's the right decision. I'm just trying to challenge with a different perspective. Encouraging people to wait for healing like everyone else is doing here also encourages a specific decision, the decision to wait.
 
Aurorax

I am sure it wasn’t your intention but with respect I would ask you to re read your post and reflect on how a WD brain may interpret it. 

[Aurorax]

Quote

I am sure it wasn’t your intention but with respect I would ask you to re read your post and reflect on how a WD brain may interpret it. 

 

I have, and I have already apologized and explained my intention. I don't know what more I could do. I see no point in arguing over who is right or wrong. We are both trying our best to help.

 

Aurorax

[brassmonkey]

I think it is time we drop the subject and return Erell's thread to her. Further discussion of who is bein helpful and who is not is pointless. We are all trying to be helpful in our own way. 

 

Just to point it out, the tapering advice that the moderators give here at SA is the amalgamation of years of experience working with thousands of people. Through painful trial and error we have distilled out what works for the most people and what to avoid. But still each persons experience will be different and in that manner unpredictable. However, we also know when not to "mess with it". Things may be going rough for someone, but to make changes, add or reduce drugs would make at a whole lot worse.

 

Time and waiting it out is the only proven method of recovering from these drugs. It can be a frustratingly long time and often is much more uncomfortable that we would like. But to mess with it can make it take a lot longer and much much more painful. No it's not a pleasant place to be, but in every case it could be a whole lot worse.

 

Please do a site search on "capitulation", there are some very interesting ideas there.

[Erell]

Hello dear fellow survivors, 
I hope that this beginning of December is very sweet with you and offers you a little rest.

 

I'm coming to you today because I need a little boost in the midst of a painful intensity.
I feel like I've spent the last few days trapped in a really bad trip. My body is light and heavy at the same time, I feel like I don't recognize anything around me or my body anymore, I'm afraid of everything and everyone, even my cat or my shower, and the crazy intrusive thoughts don't let me rest.
Every minute feels like I'm losing touch with reality, and I have a hard time staying grounded.

 

Just when I was beginning to think I had made some progress in welcoming symptoms with open arms, I tumble in fear of losing my ground completely.

I re-read the thread on neuroemotion because I feel I am in a doom spiral, and I do my best to keep in mind that all this is only temporary, but this cloud of doom is so strong that it sometimes gives me the impression of being completely sucked in.

 

In short, if anyone passes by and feels strong enough to share a little support I'm all for it.

 

And if you're not feeling strong enough today, that's okay, I'm sending you all my love, that I can still do ❤️

[mdwstrx]

Good morning @Erell

I don't understand fully though I've been through some things. I want to tell you what helped me. I had to let go and give full control to Jesus. I don't know how to tell you to do this. I don't think it works without faith, a gift we have to ask for. I don't know. It worked for me. It brought me comfort, peace and reassurance that in the midst of seemingly impossible trial, He is the way through. He is the rock I was tied to when the waves crashed into me. Eventually the waves calmed. They will for you too. 

-md

[arbor]

Dear, dear @Erell

Thank you for your message.  I receive your gift of love, and it is turning my tears of anguish to tears of togetherness--this challenging morning when it is hard to move.  What you so accurately describe, I am also experiencing.  Whatever strength you have kindled in me, I send back to you.  May you soon feel better,  may you get through this day--

With hugs and love,

Arbor

[Sottana]

@Erell I see you are still helping people and rooting people on in spite of your horrific symptoms. You are truly a warrior and an amazing person. I’m in awe of your courage and fortitude. 

[Longroadhome]

@Erell

My heart goes out to you I know exactly how you feel. 
Big hugs to you you’re not alone many have walked the path before you and are now fully recovered. They are well and living their best life.
One day this will be you Erell xx  
 
 

 
 

[Heath]

Erell praying  peace and healing for you!

Hang on 💪

[Aurorax]

@Erell, I wish I could give you a break from this trip. I wish I could do a week of your suffering, and you could do a week in my life. That would give you a well-deserved rest and me a good reminder of everything I should be thankful for because I'm starting to forget what it was like (and you will too, one day) I'm sure I'm not the only one here who feels that way, although I know that most people here have their own struggles.
   I can't even give you a real hug, but I hug you anyway if you need one. ❤️
   
Aurorax

 

[Katy398]

Hi Erell,

I’m so sorry you’re in the thick of it again. Only this community could fully understand when you say, you are ‘afraid of everything’ including your ‘cat and the shower’. I have such intense fear of just life itself. Erell with our community we will get through this, holding hands together supporting each other around the world.Try not to forget Baylissa’s wise words. ‘Everyone heals eventually’  Baylissa has more experience than most in this crazy condition. Hang on in there,  you can do this we can do it together. Think of the coping strategies that work for you, embrace them, be the kindest you have ever been to yourself, whilst the rest of us are caring for you remotely. 
Hang on in there Erel, Take care, warm regards Kx

[getofflex]

@erell, my heart is sad, and wants to cry, to hear that you are going through this terrible suffering.  I continue to think about you and pray for you.  You are truly a trooper, and a very sweet, loving giving person, because you haven't allowed this trial to make you mean or bitter.  Please, hang on, and hang in there.  I will keep on praying for you!  I'll pray for you throughout the day today.  

[Frogie]

@Erell

 

I'm so sorry to read your latest update. Just when you had it under control, it rears its ugly head yet again.

 

You are so strong, and will prevail over this once again.

 

Unfortunately, it just takes time.

 

Hang in there and know I'm thinking of you each and every day😊❤️

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

[wantrelief]

Dearest Erell,

 

I am so sorry to read you are suffering.  You are doing so well just to reach out and express your need for support....that takes courage. Keep going as you are, one moment at a time and the intensity of your symptoms will pass, it will.  Until then, know you've got all of us here who care about you very much and are here to support you.

 

Sending you much love,

WR

[JesusSavemefromWD]

7 hours ago, Erell said:

Hello dear fellow survivors, 
I hope that this beginning of December is very sweet with you and offers you a little rest.

 

I'm coming to you today because I need a little boost in the midst of a painful intensity.
I feel like I've spent the last few days trapped in a really bad trip. My body is light and heavy at the same time, I feel like I don't recognize anything around me or my body anymore, I'm afraid of everything and everyone, even my cat or my shower, and the crazy intrusive thoughts don't let me rest.
Every minute feels like I'm losing touch with reality, and I have a hard time staying grounded.

 

Just when I was beginning to think I had made some progress in welcoming symptoms with open arms, I tumble in fear of losing my ground completely.

I re-read the thread on neuroemotion because I feel I am in a doom spiral, and I do my best to keep in mind that all this is only temporary, but this cloud of doom is so strong that it sometimes gives me the impression of being completely sucked in.

 

In short, if anyone passes by and feels strong enough to share a little support I'm all for it.

 

And if you're not feeling strong enough today, that's okay, I'm sending you all my love, that I can still do ❤️

I am so sorry you are going through this.  criminal doctors prescribing these evil drugs like candies have tortured many people, including myself. However many people here have made it to the other side and proved healing can happen. I will be praying for you and I we soon make it to other side as well….

[Erell]

Hello, 

I don't know how to express my gratitude: I started the day this morning by reading your messages, and tears came to my eyes. I tend to feel so alone that I forget how strong our community is. I wasn't raised religious, and I don't have that faith, but I felt your sincere support this morning, and all your hugs are such a warm comfort !
THANK YOU ❤️
Especially since I know that many of you are going through the same things, and I know how hard it can be to try to give hope to others when you are already doing your best to get through the day.

I don't know where this constant fear of losing touch with reality and losing all control comes from, but it is clearly one of my biggest challenges in WD. It's like, I know now that people do heal and that symptoms tend to fade with time, but I am completely terrified of losing touch with reality before I heal.
This is probably also a symptom of WD, a kind of OCD.

 

18 hours ago, arbor said:

it is turning my tears of anguish to tears of togetherness

 

I wouldn't have managed to express it so well : thank you Arbor you just taught me the English word "togetherness" !

 

15 hours ago, Aurorax said:

because I'm starting to forget what it was like

This sentence is great to read, and I thank you for spontaneously writing it.
Yes, I often tell myself that I will spend the rest of my life cherishing the moment and expressing gratitude... but actually, as you say, it seems that we tend to forget, and honestly that's all I wish for you: you fought so hard for this life, I'm glad you're busy living it now ! Forgetting definitely does sound like healing to me. It  tastes like freedom, and as you say in your Success Story... « finally free ! »

 

15 hours ago, Katy398 said:

Only this community could fully understand when you say, you are ‘afraid of everything’ including your ‘cat and the shower’.Try not to forget Baylissa’s wise words. ‘Everyone heals eventually’  

Yes, where else could one read such absurd sentences? ...
On a positive note, you all helped me get the courage this morning to wash up, and I think even my cat thanks you!

Oh yes, I LOVE Baylissa's words, she has her own way of normalizing what we go through and reminding us that the outcome is recovery.
I strongly wish you'll feel better soon.

 

15 hours ago, getofflex said:

@erell, my heart is sad, and wants to cry, to hear that you are going through this terrible suffering.  I continue to think about you and pray for you.  You are truly a trooper, and a very sweet, loving giving person, because you haven't allowed this trial to make you mean or bitter. 

That is very sweet of you, and I thank you !
I look forward to the time when I can be a person who shares joy and light instead of tears !
Oh I don't want to pretend I'm an angel: like everyone else, I guess, there are days when I feel jealousy or frustration. But at the end of the day, that doesn't really help me... 

In this regard I found a book by Sharon Salzberg about Love and practicing and learning meditation practices. I recommend it to anyone who wants to counterbalance all these dark feelings. I don't always manage to put these teachings into practice, but I try to cultivate love for myself, my body, and for others, and I find that sometimes these practices are soothing. 

 

Well, I think it's time for me to read again Success Stories, here here is my best compilation for those who would need it today :

--> pug-your-miracle-is-coming-hang-on

-->judith-healing-will-happen
--> aurorax-severe-protracted-paxil-withdrawal-finally-free
--> ☼-irishwill-2015-extremely-positive-and-long-overdue-update

 

 

 

Pug : « So that is my story and I hope it will encourage you as you read it that you will recover and become yourself again.  I remember reading similar statements in success stories and thinking, “Yea, right, that is easy for you to say, you are not suffering through this terrible hell right now!”  And maybe you are thinking the same thing as I did, but please listen to my words; you will make it, you will recover, you will feel better, and you will join me in loving life once again; just please don’t give up or give in and keep going!

 

As I sit here with a cup of coffee and contemplate what I have been through the last several years, it all seems so strange and foreign.  Success stories promised that I would make it to recovery, and they were right, so now it is my turn to tell you that you will make it, “You will make it!”. »

❤️

 

 

[Rosetta]

All my love to you, Erell.  I wish there were some way to make it all go away.  I remember those days when I was in the bath more than once barely finding the energy to run the bath and struggling with the sound of the water irritating every nerve ending.  I couldn’t identify what I was afraid of exactly, but I was afraid of everything.  The whole world felt toxic.  I promise you that you will come out of this, but I know that is hard to hold on to right now.  
 

Sending you all the best energy, Rosetta 

[Shep]

On 12/7/2021 at 5:20 AM, Erell said:

I don't know where this constant fear of losing touch with reality and losing all control comes from, but it is clearly one of my biggest challenges in WD. It's like, I know now that people do heal and that symptoms tend to fade with time, but I am completely terrified of losing touch with reality before I heal.
This is probably also a symptom of WD, a kind of OCD.

 

I understand this, Erell, I truly do. But in my nearly 8 years of being on these types of forums, I have yet to see anyone lose touch with reality, even when dealing with the most severe cases of dp/dr. You know you've been poisoned by the drugs, so you know the root cause of the disassociation. And you're articulating it very well. You're also acknowledging you may have exaggerated feelings about this due to withdrawal. So not only are you in touch with reality, you're able to analyze it.  

 

For these reasons, you're more in touch with reality than most psychiatrists and by far wiser. Hang in there. This will pass. 

[Cheeky]

Eroll you really are one strong women enduring as this. You know that it not you just this terrible withdrawal symptoms. I wish I could come and give you a hug. Keep ousting so we can support you .

hugs Cheeky