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Erell: struggling with paroxetine


Erell

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  • Moderator

Hello dear friends,

 

Thank you very much for your support ūüíú

 

@Hanna72 @Heath : yes, I think WD taught me to live better with anxiety, I've learnt a lot during this journey. I think I'm doing better than a few months ago at allowing feelings and thoughts to exist without resisting.

A lot of tools that makes me think that once WD will fade, "regular" anxiety will be like a walk in a park.

 

Although I find these lessons harder to apply during intense spikes.

I still go through constant intense symptoms that appeared since my Prozac bridge.

I'm only 18 months into Paxil paws so I'm probably still in early days.

 

My body and mind are just so tired to live in a constant shaky wave, to never have a break with calm. It's like living in a constant panic attack with a lot of derealisation, body pain and sensitivity. I also have lost a lot of weight and muscle, I feel weak.

I keep doing my best and hanging on.

I feel exhausted, but I put hope in the fact that I might start to see some progress in the next few months, perhaps even live a window!

 

Sorry this is not a very positive update. WD can be really hard.

 

I wish a peaceful day to everybody ‚ėÄÔłŹ

2006 : 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22 Aug 2019 updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

Current medication :

* 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* Prozac : 6.64mg (4 Nov 2021) / 6.72mg (8 oct 2021) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 2021)/ 6.88mg (14 Aug 2021)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 2021)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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  • Moderator

((((((Erell)))))))).  I wish I could do something more to help you.  Yes you are right, WD can be really hard.  

8 hours ago, Erell said:

I think I'm doing better than a few months ago at allowing feelings and thoughts to exist without resisting.

This is a good thing.  I've done this too, and it helps me as well.  

 

Please hang in there.  I continue to pray for you.  

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 '02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03 

Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg as needed

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

Trazodone on occasion, stopped in late 2019

Xanax on occasion, stopped in late 2019

magnesium in small amounts at breakfast, 3 PM 

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 2.5 mg

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  • Moderator

Dear, dear @Erell--

I'm sorry that these drugs are so brutal on us.  I am very grateful to your postings--

Much love,

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 

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((((Erell)))). I remember those days so well, and I’m so very sorry.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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On 9/30/2021 at 6:40 AM, Erell said:

I think I'm doing better than a few months ago at allowing feelings and thoughts to exist without resisting.

This is really impressive, Erell.  I know it would be really nice not to have to work so hard but this is a wonderful skill that will help you throughout your life.

 

On 9/30/2021 at 6:40 AM, Erell said:

I keep doing my best and hanging on.

You sure do and that is all you've got to do.  One day at a time.

 

My heart and thoughts are with you.¬†ūüíó

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper; withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin
-Tried several times to slowly taper Zoloft by 10%, then 5% every 4-6 weeks; could never get below approx. 40 mg - spring 2012 experienced major WD symptoms due to stress; tried to updose but no relief, back on Klonopin 1 mg.
-Switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to Citalopram. Finished Zoloft 1/13; Citalopram 35 mg and 1 mg Klonopin.
-8/13: 27 mg Citalopram; 1 mg Klonopin

-11/14: 12.6 Citalopram - began to have bad withdrawal symptoms; out of desperation increased to 1.25 mg Klonopin at the beginning of December.  12/13/14 16 mg Citalopram - going to stay here to try to stabilize; stabilized on 16 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

-7/15 - 3/16: reduced to 15 mg; ~ 2 months later w/d hit hard (probably r/t stress); 6/16 updosed to 20 mg Citalopram and trying to stabilize. Updosed to 1.5 Klonopin as well. Stabilized on 20 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

8/17-9/17: feeling withdrawal symptoms at 20 mg Citalopram (due to stress) - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg

2022: 1/5/22: 5.2 mg (1.25%); 1/12/22: 5.1 mg (1.25%); 1/19/22: 5.07 mg (1.25%)

 

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No matter how mean, longlasting and degrading withdrawl symptoms can be, nothing will beat our perseverance. Nous allons conquérir. 

 

Acceptance, ignoring are very important skills. 

 

If 2nd vaccination caused wd to become worse, that means symptoms were easier to handle before and you were on the right track.

 

Keep putting one foot before the other and positiv mindset.

 

bye ūüĎäūüĎź

  • I'm a 42 years old male
  • I've got a job¬†in¬†business¬†and economics
  • I'm into sports, animals and¬†nature
  • I started using 20 mg Paroxetine (Paxil) in 2004 for stressrelated anxiety
  • I attempted several times to stop using Paroxetine, starting a few years after¬†2004
  • I found out in 2015 about paxil withdrawal symptoms¬†and the 5-10% taper
  • I started using liquid Seroxat suspension in 2015/2016
  • From 20 mg to 12 mg, I went down 5-10%
  • From 12 mg down I was forced¬†to take¬†smaller steps (0,2 ml/4-6 weeks)

 

Switch to suspension/fluid

  • 09/2018 at 11.2 mg (5,6 ml) of Seroxat suspension
  • 11/2018 Switch back to 5,7 ml (11,4 mg)
  • Started trying the brassmonkey micro-taper method end dec 2018
  • 07/2021 Current dose 5,6 ml (11.2 mg)¬†after >1 year of withdrawal issues (several food sensitivities and conflicts with painkillers, caffein, grapefruit, chocolate etc.)
  • First goal is to reach 5ml¬†(2022)
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Thinking about you Erell, sending lots and lots of love your way, crossing fingers that you get some deserved relief soon. You're so strong, you might be tired of hearing it and I hope you soon get to relax in both your body and mind. You'll get there. ūüíô

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

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  • Administrator

Erell¬†ūüíē

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Mentor

Dear @Erell

I am so sorry that you have to endure so much pain and struggle, it’s just so unfair. 

I want to suggest to you what I did when I had no appetite when I crashed. At my work we also do this with patients who struggle to eat and have no appetite.

I made smoothies, and packed them with healthy nutritions. It’s so important for your body to get nutrients, and often people have easier time with drinking than eating solid foods. 
You might have already tried this, I just wanted to point this solution out to you.


My thoughts are with youūüíē

 

Prescribed Paxil 20 mg year 2000 for panic attacks.

Many attempts through out the years to quit.

2019 tapered from 20 mg to 10 mg. Got stuck there, decided to bridge with Fluoxetine. 
2020 March off Fluoxetine 

2020 Oct- nov started deteriorating, followed by severe crash. 2021 Reinstated fluoxetine by small amount, until I reach 9 mg

Tapering 10% every 4-6 weeks and longer holds if necessary 

12/5 2021- 8.5 21/5 8.0 15/6 7.5 20/6 7.2 changed to liquid tapering 10/7  7.0  19/7 6.5 20/8 5.8 20/9 5.2 20/10 4.7

20/11 4.2 20/12 3.8 crashed 8/1 5mg. Stop taper for some time now.

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  • Moderator

Thank you dear friends ‚̧ԳŹ¬†
I will keep going on, I still have hope to see improvements. I've read so many testimonies of healing, I want to believe that my nervous system can also calm down.

It's just really hard to be a longtimer and to live in such a state day after day without a break.

 

I still do a slooow taper of Prozac, with the hope that this molecule might be contributing to my symptoms and I might see some improvements as I lower the dose.
I never really know if it's a good idea as stability is quite a complex concept when dealing with PAWS. I hope I'm helping my body by doing so.

 

I also use all my self-care tools less: this may seem paradoxical, but I think it's important in my case.
I realized that all these tools I was putting in place during the day were only reinforcing my resistance and non-acceptance: I was compulsively using these tools with the hope that they would suppress my symptoms. Instead of offering a relaxing moment to my body, I was strongly resisting and "doing" instead of floating.

Instead, I try to gradually learn to use these tools with love: do a Tai Chi session because I want to do my body good, do a relaxation session because I feel like it, etc.

 

10 hours ago, Hanna72 said:

I made smoothies, and packed them with healthy nutritions. It’s so important for your body to get nutrients, and often people have easier time with drinking than eating solid foods. 

Thank you for your suggestion ‚̧ԳŹ¬†
I'm lucky as my body now accept solid food, and I'm fortunate to live with my parents (even if I didn't imagine my life like this at my age ;)) so they can cook, clean, food-shop when I can't.

I eat good portions, but my body keeps getting thinner.
I think the issue for me is going to be improving my digestion: I have a lot of digestive and intestinal issues since paxil PAWS, so I don't know if I'm absorbing the nutrients properly.

 

I've been studying the GAPS/SCD diets a lot in the last few weeks and I'm starting to phase out grains and starch from my diet.
I won't be doing the strict diet, I think it may be too brutal for my already damaged body, but I am doing a diet of my own.
I feel like my digestive system is doing a little better since I eliminated the grains, to be continued...

 

Ok, let's hope this day will be a peaceful one for everybody : sending my best wishes to everybody ‚̧ԳŹ¬†

 

2006 : 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22 Aug 2019 updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

Current medication :

* 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* Prozac : 6.64mg (4 Nov 2021) / 6.72mg (8 oct 2021) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 2021)/ 6.88mg (14 Aug 2021)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 2021)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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You really are one incredible lady, you endure so much but your so resilient. I really hope you see improvements, you deserve it. Hang in there, we will all get better ‚̧ԳŹ‚Äćūü©Ļ¬†

1995 started Paxil 20mg slowly increasing to 50mg until 2014

-2014 I decided to tapper myself not knowing how too and crashed , DR added 50mg Seraquel

-2015 tried tapering again and crashed

Seroquel Taper

2/11/16 43mg  1/09/17  37.5mg  10/03/10 36.25mg. 17/3/19 35mg 26/3/19 33.75mg  4/4/19 32.5mg  21/4/19 30mg

16/7/19 28.75mg  5/8/19 27.5mg. 19/8/19 25mg   4/8/20 23mg 18/8/20 22.5mg  12/10/20 18.25mg  10/1/21 15mg  3/8/21 UPDOSE 16mg

Paxil Taper

2/11/16 40mg 12/10/17 37mg  28/10/17 36mg  10/1/18. 35mg  24/05/18 33mg  28/8/18 31mg 16/12/18 30mg 20/10/19 29mg  17/11/19 28mg 7/1/20  27mg 12/2/20  26mg 7/3 /20 25mg  11/4/20 24mg 4/5/20 23mg  5/6/20 22mg 23/6/20 21mg 15/7/20 20mg

Untitled.rtf

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  • Moderator
3 hours ago, Erell said:

I've read so many testimonies of healing, I want to believe that my nervous system can also calm down.

Your nervous system will heal!  Altostrata took a long time to heal from Paxil, and you will definitely heal, too.  

 

4 hours ago, Erell said:

I never really know if it's a good idea as stability is quite a complex concept when dealing with PAWS

Yes, it is.  I find knowing when to do another decrease more of an art than a science.  There are always ups and downs in life, and the trick is to figure out if the ups and downs are caused by WD, or just by other things in life, like stress, other health issues, hormones, etc.  

 

4 hours ago, Erell said:

I also use all my self-care tools less: this may seem paradoxical, but I think it's important in my case.
I realized that all these tools I was putting in place during the day were only reinforcing my resistance and non-acceptance: I was compulsively using these tools with the hope that they would suppress my symptom

What a great insight.  Yes, I think we all have the tendency to want to control the situation, which is perfectly normal, since it is a painful situation, and we all want it fixed.  This post by brassmonkey is really good about this: 

 

Brassmonkey Trusting Out Body to Heal

 

4 hours ago, Erell said:

I feel like my digestive system is doing a little better since I eliminated the grains, to be continued...

 

I'm glad to hear this.  I'll keep on praying! Hang in there, it's a long tough road, but there is an end to it.  

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 '02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03 

Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg as needed

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

Trazodone on occasion, stopped in late 2019

Xanax on occasion, stopped in late 2019

magnesium in small amounts at breakfast, 3 PM 

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 2.5 mg

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hello @Erell, dropping by to say hello and find out how you are doing. 

I've been reading your thread. Sending you massive amounts of love. You are one strong lady xxx

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped.

 

 

 

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Thinking of you, Erell.  I agree with Sunnyside, you are amazing! -R

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator

Thank you for your lovely support! I am always amazed at the generosity of support in this community: thank you! ‚̧ԳŹ¬†

 

I apologize for taking time to reply, even though I come here almost every day (to read my favorite Success ;)) : I was waiting to have some good news to announce and I really wanted to come back on my thread to announce a wonderful surprise window! 
Well, no change on the horizon for the moment, too bad, it will be for the next time.


I am still in a kind of constant wave with fluctuations within this "wave".
I still live every day with the same symptoms, and I do my best to live with them... which means that some days I just do my best to survive, while other days I manage to live a bit.

 

I believe I have made some progress in my ability to accept and live with the crazy intrusive thoughts/impulses that plague me since many months. 

It is still a real challenge, and I still can be very upset by their content. But I keep on doing my best and trying to remember that all this crazy journey is only temporary, even if temporary is sometimes synonymous with long time... !
And the days I can't remain hopeful, I read and re-read all my favorite Success Stories : these healing testimonies are so powerful, if you are going through this and getting better, share the good news!

 

I am also continuing to taper the Prozac, reducing by 1.20% every 4 weeks or so. I don't feel like these reductions make any difference, which in itself is good news in that it doesn't seem to destabilize further my nervous system. 
I'm still cautious, though, because I know my body still has a lot of healing to do after my Prozac bridge/Paxil CT.

I'm 18 months after this CT, so even if I don't accept it everyday, I know I might still be in early days.

But I keep going with the hope that by reducing the prozac I may be helping my nervous system.

 

I'm much less active here even though I come by almost every day. I'm not sure why, I think that reading about the suffering of others is still very triggering for me and feed my worse fears. So I try not to fuel my monkey WD mind and focus on positive reports.
I realise I do this in a selfish way, and as a people pleaser I obviously feel guilty about it, but I strongly hope that one day I'll feel confident and strong enough to give back to this community all that it has offered me.

 

Well, as I say, nothing really new to add, and I am tired of this long journey. But I keep going, and I celebrate my recovery in advance when I imagine myself healed, resilient, and appeased... we will get there :)‚̧ԳŹ¬†¬†

 

2006 : 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22 Aug 2019 updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

Current medication :

* 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* Prozac : 6.64mg (4 Nov 2021) / 6.72mg (8 oct 2021) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 2021)/ 6.88mg (14 Aug 2021)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 2021)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Mentor

Dear @Erell

Just read your updates.

I wanted to give you some encouragement, as I feel bonded to you as we have been on some what similar journey, with the same drugs, and I know the struggles and pain, though not as persistent and long as you have had to endure.


 

On 11/5/2021 at 7:54 PM, Erell said:

t is still a real challenge, and I still can be very upset by their content

All of us in here understand and there is no words to describe how unfair you have had to suffer. I am so sorry to hear this and it breaks my heart.

 

On 11/5/2021 at 7:54 PM, Erell said:

I think that reading about the suffering of others is still very triggering for me and feed my worse fears.

I am the same way, and it’s totally understandable. 
 

 

On 11/5/2021 at 7:54 PM, Erell said:

I realise I do this in a selfish way, and as a people pleaser I obviously feel guilty about it

Do NOT feel guilty about a thing, you have to think about your own health before others, it’s not a selfish thing but a wise thing to do!

 


Remind yourself of what you have been able to overcome 

All the times you felt like you weren’t going to make it through, you proved yourself wrong, believe me Erell you are more powerful then you think.

Never quit, never give in you are worth everything you dream off, never loose the faith.

 

Big hugs sent your way, I am with you in spirit, always ūüíē

Prescribed Paxil 20 mg year 2000 for panic attacks.

Many attempts through out the years to quit.

2019 tapered from 20 mg to 10 mg. Got stuck there, decided to bridge with Fluoxetine. 
2020 March off Fluoxetine 

2020 Oct- nov started deteriorating, followed by severe crash. 2021 Reinstated fluoxetine by small amount, until I reach 9 mg

Tapering 10% every 4-6 weeks and longer holds if necessary 

12/5 2021- 8.5 21/5 8.0 15/6 7.5 20/6 7.2 changed to liquid tapering 10/7  7.0  19/7 6.5 20/8 5.8 20/9 5.2 20/10 4.7

20/11 4.2 20/12 3.8 crashed 8/1 5mg. Stop taper for some time now.

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(((Erell))) I’m sorry it’s so hard to endure right now.  I wish I could fix it. - Rosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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  • Moderator

Dear @Hanna72¬†and @Rosetta,¬†it was amazing to read your messages of support this morning, thank you so much¬†ūüôŹūüß°

 

I'm not going to lie, I'm not doing well.
I try to keep in mind that my nervous system is constantly trying to heal, but it's hard. 
For 19 months now, I've felt like I'm surviving on a bad acid trip, 19 months that I've been living between awful peaks and moments *feeling somehow a bit more bearable*.


With each peak I hope that I will experience what so many people describe, the fact that these days of hell will leave me with a better level of normal WD afterwards. Unfortunately, that's not the case for me, for now.

 

I am well aware that 19 months can be considered "early days" when it comes to protacted withdrawal after a CT.

And I try to take inspiration from all those people who have made it through the long haul.

 

I thought that as time went on, it would be "easier" to live with these symptoms because of the experience I would gain. But in fact, the more time passes the harder it is to stay strong and confident without evidence of healing.

 

Two things in particular keep me going: the fact that I get a few hours of sleep, which gives me a break, and the fact that I read a lot of testimonials from people who say that the first two years were the hardest. 
I survive with the hope that in a few months I can start living instead of surviving in my room.

 

I read a lot Baylissa's website, her insistence that healing is inevitable helps me to keep going. So do the Success Stories.
Thank you so much to all the people who take the time to share their progress and their well-being, you are angels ‚̧ԳŹ¬†

 

I'm not touching my prozac dose anymore for the moment, I'm not sure it was a good idea to start a taper in such a state, even with tiny drops. I don't know anymore. 

 

I'm sorry, that's not a very positive message. I'll try to do better next time¬†ūüôŹ

 

I send my best wishes to all strong survivors !
 

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22 Aug 2019 updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

Current medication :

* 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* Prozac : 6.64mg (4 Nov 2021) / 6.72mg (8 oct 2021) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 2021)/ 6.88mg (14 Aug 2021)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 2021)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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Sending love Erell, I'm so sorry that you see little to no improvement. I am positive that healing will happen for everyone as we can see from the wildly different success stories, but it is so unfair that it can take so damn long. You're so strong, even though you're probably tired of hearing this and would much rather have a break! I don't mean it none the less. I'm sending all the thoughts and love I can towards you, and cross fingers that you get to see some clear relief very soon. Take great care of you, and don't apologise for being negative. It is your journey, and better days are ahead. ūüíô

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

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  • Mentor

@Erell  Hi, Erell, My heart goes out to you,  I can feel your pain, most of us here have/or are feeling in too.  What these drugs do to make such a mess out of our body's and brains is more than I can comprehend.

 

You are an inspiration and have enormous will power, 19 months is a long time, but you know time passes regardless of what is going on in our lives, so all you have to do if hold onto the days and they will pull you into the future.

 

On 10/7/2021 at 3:23 AM, Erell said:

I also use all my self-care tools less: this may seem paradoxical, but I think it's important in my case.
I realized that all these tools I was putting in place during the day were only reinforcing my resistance and non-acceptance: I was compulsively using these tools with the hope that they would suppress my symptoms. Instead of offering a relaxing moment to my body, I was strongly resisting and "doing" instead of floating.

Thank you for saying this.  I also have found I am putting to much pressure on myself to learn this skill and that skill and do this and do that. Then when they don't work as well as you think they should, you take it personally that you must not be doing it right ........  I do know that learning some meditation has helped me not get so attached to my thoughts.  But that being said,  I find that I feel less stressed if I do whatever feels right for that day. I do try to meditate 1 time day and walk once a day on the treadmill after that I am trying to put 0 expectation on myself.  Just like you state, float through the thoughts, anxiety, what ever is plaquing you that day.  And it is okay to just do nothing, if watching tv, reading, art, laying on the couch all day is all you can do that's okay....

 

On 11/5/2021 at 2:54 PM, Erell said:

I'm much less active here even though I come by almost every day. I'm not sure why, I think that reading about the suffering of others is still very triggering for me and feed my worse fears.

Thank you again for sharing this too.  There will be days were I can hardly go on here. There is so much pain, fear and desperation.  The days were you can hardly survive for yourself means you have no extra energy for anyone else.

 

  I think we put to much expectations on ourselves in all areas of healing, I should be feeling better, I should be able to do more, why can't I get past these obsessing thoughts, ocd, ect.  We must put ourselves first and what our needs are for that day to survive.  Find the least amount of stimulation and pressure to put on ourselves.  Accept where you are and what you can do at any given time. 

I too look forward to the evening, I can say I made it through another day.‚̧ԳŹ

 

Hoping you get a big window, or at least a break enough to breath and regroup.

Please be kind to yourself and know that you are not alone.‚̧ԳŹ

 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin 2016  ended back on 2016  Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  through 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  Trazadone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16 ct

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg 

2021/ 5/16  5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   Magnesium glycinate 200mg. Omega 3 , Melatonin, Probiotic

Lexapro   09/01/2021  4.90mg  09/25  4.75mg  10/19 4.69mg  11/14 4.20mg

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Thinking of you @Erell

I fully understand how you must be feeling 19 months along and seeing no signs of improvement. No respite. But the strength and resilience that has got you this far will continue to move you forward into the next hour the next day the next week. All you have to do is keep going just as you have been doing. I know ... easier said than done but it’s the only way. Never lose hope. Recovery is inevitable. X
 

October 2004 Paxil 20mg - October 2018, 14 years

Nov 2018 Pregabalin - 2x50 mg a day to help with Paxil WD

August 2019 Pregabalin - 2 x 25mg a day 

April 2020 Pregabalin - 45mg, May 40mg, June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg, Aug 24mg 

June 2021   Pregabalin - 14mg, January 2022 Pregabalin 14mg (2x7mg a day)

October 2018 Paxil - 20 mg, November 15mg, December 10mg  February 2019 Paxil- 7.5mg crashed, February 8.5mg, Nov 8mg 

March 2020 Paxil - 7.2mg, April 6.5mg, May 5.9mg, June 5.4mg, July 4.8mg, December 4.5mg 

January 2021 Paxil - 4mg, February 3.6mg, March 3.2mg, April 2.9mg, Aug 2.7mg, Sept 2.4mg, Oct 2.2mg, Nov 2mg, Dec 1.8mg

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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This ¬†was sent to another member earlier this week by Judith (success story) and I am sending it to you as a reminder ūü¶č

 

You are stronger than you think. We know that withdrawal is complex and cruel, but you must believe that you can make it through to the end. As challenging as it is, it won’t break you.  Nothing is going to happen that is life threatening. Once you are emotionally safe, you will get to the finishing line. Just like you have managed in the past, the strength that brought you this far will take you the rest of the way.

Don’t underestimate your resilience and the potential of the human body to heal. Whether you are still tapering, you have come off the drug and are in withdrawal, or you have been suffering for longer than anticipated, you will heal.

You are going to be okay. You won’t break. Remember those before you who were once where you are now. They made it to the other side and you will too. One day the symptoms will disappear, never to return, and you will be able to celebrate your recovery.

The storm clouds will drift away and the sun will shine down on you again. Be patient and keep going. Always remember that, this is healing in action. This is passing. This, too, shall pass. It is inevitable.

October 2004 Paxil 20mg - October 2018, 14 years

Nov 2018 Pregabalin - 2x50 mg a day to help with Paxil WD

August 2019 Pregabalin - 2 x 25mg a day 

April 2020 Pregabalin - 45mg, May 40mg, June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg, Aug 24mg 

June 2021   Pregabalin - 14mg, January 2022 Pregabalin 14mg (2x7mg a day)

October 2018 Paxil - 20 mg, November 15mg, December 10mg  February 2019 Paxil- 7.5mg crashed, February 8.5mg, Nov 8mg 

March 2020 Paxil - 7.2mg, April 6.5mg, May 5.9mg, June 5.4mg, July 4.8mg, December 4.5mg 

January 2021 Paxil - 4mg, February 3.6mg, March 3.2mg, April 2.9mg, Aug 2.7mg, Sept 2.4mg, Oct 2.2mg, Nov 2mg, Dec 1.8mg

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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Reading the encouraging comments in this thread honestly makes me concerned. It's starting to sound like an echo chamber. How do you all know that this waiting and positive thinking is the right thing to do? We know that people heal eventually after quitting SSRI:s, but do we have any research backing up the claim that everyone stabilizes after a Paxil to Prozac bridge? That's like saying everyone does well on Prozac eventually, and we know that's not true.

 

On 11/16/2021 at 9:30 AM, Erell said:

For 19 months now, I've felt like I'm surviving on a bad acid trip

 

@Erell, no one on this forum knows if your worst symptoms are Paxil wd at this point or "side effects" from Prozac. If it's side effects, then you are waiting in vain. You say you have seen no improvements at all after 19 months. I find that concerning. Have you taken a cyp-test to make sure you can metabolize Prozac properly?

 

On 11/16/2021 at 9:30 AM, Erell said:

I survive with the hope that in a few months I can start living instead of surviving in my room.

 

On 11/16/2021 at 9:30 AM, Erell said:

I'm not touching my prozac dose anymore for the moment, I'm not sure it was a good idea to start a taper in such a state, even with tiny drops.

 

Have you decided how long you are willing to wait for stabilization? I don't mean this as a rhetorical question. I ask because I care about you, and it looks to me like you might need to change your approach to get forward. I don't have the answer, but maybe you need to decide when to give up stabilization and insted taper off the Prozac? Perhaps you need to set a date and stick to it no matter how scared you are.

 

You have what it takes to go through this, and you will recover. What bothers me is that you might lose more years than necessary because you are afraid to taper and get worse. Maybe living through absolute hell for a while is a better choice than living like this one or several more years? There will come a day when you have recovered and look back. You will eventually forget what hell was like, but you will never get back those lost years.

 

On 11/16/2021 at 9:30 AM, Erell said:

I'm sorry, that's not a very positive message. I'll try to do better next time¬†ūüôŹ

 

No, don't try to "do better". Express what you think and what you feel. That's what this forum is for. It was a relief reading your latest post because it felt like the real Erell finally showed up. ‚̧ԳŹ

 

I'm sure you are already well aware of all of this, but maybe it's time to make a decision? Maybe getting worse and moving forward will feel better than this anxious waiting for relief? I don't know, but I think it's worth considering.

 

Someone once said that all the best things in life are placed on the other side of terror. I believe that is true.

 

Aurorax

2001 Januari-May: Paxil 20 mg
2001 Oktober-December Xanax 1 mg, 0 to 4 pills/day (no wd from quitting Xanax)
2002-2003 Paxil 20 mg, tries to taper but reinstates
2004 Tries to come off Paxil, reinstates after 5 months off
2005 Paxil 30 mg
2006 to end of 2007: Paxil 15-20 mg, tries to taper but reinstates
2007, december: Increases to 30 mg but Paxil is no longer ‚ÄĚworking‚ÄĚ
2008 Januari to september: Tapering from 30 mg to 10 mg.
2008 September to december: 10 mg to 5 mg
2009 Januari to end of april: 5 mg to 0 mg.
2009 march to januari 2010: Various sleeping pills: Propiomazine and Promethazine for a few days, Alimemazine on and off for months. No benzo.
2010, January until now: 100% drug free.

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Point taken @Aurorax

and it’s a good point to. 
But it’s for the person concerned to come to that decision. And for us to support wherever they are right now because that is their choice. 
I think you are very wise  in many of your comments  I have seen posted.    
However we are not here to make a life changing decision for another member only to support their chosen journey and wherever that may be right now within that journey. 

October 2004 Paxil 20mg - October 2018, 14 years

Nov 2018 Pregabalin - 2x50 mg a day to help with Paxil WD

August 2019 Pregabalin - 2 x 25mg a day 

April 2020 Pregabalin - 45mg, May 40mg, June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg, Aug 24mg 

June 2021   Pregabalin - 14mg, January 2022 Pregabalin 14mg (2x7mg a day)

October 2018 Paxil - 20 mg, November 15mg, December 10mg  February 2019 Paxil- 7.5mg crashed, February 8.5mg, Nov 8mg 

March 2020 Paxil - 7.2mg, April 6.5mg, May 5.9mg, June 5.4mg, July 4.8mg, December 4.5mg 

January 2021 Paxil - 4mg, February 3.6mg, March 3.2mg, April 2.9mg, Aug 2.7mg, Sept 2.4mg, Oct 2.2mg, Nov 2mg, Dec 1.8mg

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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40 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

However we are not here to make a life changing decision for another member only to support their chosen journey and wherever that may be right now within that journey. 

 

I'm not trying to decide for @Erell, and I'm sorry if my post came off that way. That was not my intention. I don't even have an opinion on what's the right decision. I'm just trying to challenge with a different perspective. Encouraging people to wait for healing like everyone else is doing here also encourages a specific decision, the decision to wait.
 
Aurorax

2001 Januari-May: Paxil 20 mg
2001 Oktober-December Xanax 1 mg, 0 to 4 pills/day (no wd from quitting Xanax)
2002-2003 Paxil 20 mg, tries to taper but reinstates
2004 Tries to come off Paxil, reinstates after 5 months off
2005 Paxil 30 mg
2006 to end of 2007: Paxil 15-20 mg, tries to taper but reinstates
2007, december: Increases to 30 mg but Paxil is no longer ‚ÄĚworking‚ÄĚ
2008 Januari to september: Tapering from 30 mg to 10 mg.
2008 September to december: 10 mg to 5 mg
2009 Januari to end of april: 5 mg to 0 mg.
2009 march to januari 2010: Various sleeping pills: Propiomazine and Promethazine for a few days, Alimemazine on and off for months. No benzo.
2010, January until now: 100% drug free.

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1 hour ago, Aurorax said:

 

I'm not trying to decide for @Erell, and I'm sorry if my post came off that way. That was not my intention. I don't even have an opinion on what's the right decision. I'm just trying to challenge with a different perspective. Encouraging people to wait for healing like everyone else is doing here also encourages a specific decision, the decision to wait.
 
Aurorax

I am sure it wasn’t your intention but with respect I would ask you to re read your post and reflect on how a WD brain may interpret it. 

October 2004 Paxil 20mg - October 2018, 14 years

Nov 2018 Pregabalin - 2x50 mg a day to help with Paxil WD

August 2019 Pregabalin - 2 x 25mg a day 

April 2020 Pregabalin - 45mg, May 40mg, June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg, Aug 24mg 

June 2021   Pregabalin - 14mg, January 2022 Pregabalin 14mg (2x7mg a day)

October 2018 Paxil - 20 mg, November 15mg, December 10mg  February 2019 Paxil- 7.5mg crashed, February 8.5mg, Nov 8mg 

March 2020 Paxil - 7.2mg, April 6.5mg, May 5.9mg, June 5.4mg, July 4.8mg, December 4.5mg 

January 2021 Paxil - 4mg, February 3.6mg, March 3.2mg, April 2.9mg, Aug 2.7mg, Sept 2.4mg, Oct 2.2mg, Nov 2mg, Dec 1.8mg

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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Quote

I am sure it wasn’t your intention but with respect I would ask you to re read your post and reflect on how a WD brain may interpret it. 

 

I have, and I have already apologized and explained my intention. I don't know what more I could do. I see no point in arguing over who is right or wrong. We are both trying our best to help.

 

Aurorax

2001 Januari-May: Paxil 20 mg
2001 Oktober-December Xanax 1 mg, 0 to 4 pills/day (no wd from quitting Xanax)
2002-2003 Paxil 20 mg, tries to taper but reinstates
2004 Tries to come off Paxil, reinstates after 5 months off
2005 Paxil 30 mg
2006 to end of 2007: Paxil 15-20 mg, tries to taper but reinstates
2007, december: Increases to 30 mg but Paxil is no longer ‚ÄĚworking‚ÄĚ
2008 Januari to september: Tapering from 30 mg to 10 mg.
2008 September to december: 10 mg to 5 mg
2009 Januari to end of april: 5 mg to 0 mg.
2009 march to januari 2010: Various sleeping pills: Propiomazine and Promethazine for a few days, Alimemazine on and off for months. No benzo.
2010, January until now: 100% drug free.

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  • Moderator

I think it is time we drop the subject and return Erell's thread to her. Further discussion of who is bein helpful and who is not is pointless. We are all trying to be helpful in our own way. 

 

Just to point it out, the tapering advice that the moderators give here at SA is the amalgamation of years of experience working with thousands of people. Through painful trial and error we have distilled out what works for the most people and what to avoid. But still each persons experience will be different and in that manner unpredictable. However, we also know when not to "mess with it". Things may be going rough for someone, but to make changes, add or reduce drugs would make at a whole lot worse.

 

Time and waiting it out is the only proven method of recovering from these drugs. It can be a frustratingly long time and often is much more uncomfortable that we would like. But to mess with it can make it take a lot longer and much much more painful. No it's not a pleasant place to be, but in every case it could be a whole lot worse.

 

Please do a site search on "capitulation", there are some very interesting ideas there.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Moderator

Hello dear fellow survivors, 
I hope that this beginning of December is very sweet with you and offers you a little rest.

 

I'm coming to you today because I need a little boost in the midst of a painful intensity.
I feel like I've spent the last few days trapped in a really bad trip. My body is light and heavy at the same time, I feel like I don't recognize anything around me or my body anymore, I'm afraid of everything and everyone, even my cat or my shower, and the crazy intrusive thoughts don't let me rest.
Every minute feels like I'm losing touch with reality, and I have a hard time staying grounded.

 

Just when I was beginning to think I had made some progress in welcoming symptoms with open arms, I tumble in fear of losing my ground completely.

I re-read the thread on neuroemotion because I feel I am in a doom spiral, and I do my best to keep in mind that all this is only temporary, but this cloud of doom is so strong that it sometimes gives me the impression of being completely sucked in.

 

In short, if anyone passes by and feels strong enough to share a little support I'm all for it.

 

And if you're not feeling strong enough today, that's okay, I'm sending you all my love, that I can still do ‚̧ԳŹ

2006 : 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22 Aug 2019 updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

Current medication :

* 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* Prozac : 6.64mg (4 Nov 2021) / 6.72mg (8 oct 2021) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 2021)/ 6.88mg (14 Aug 2021)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 2021)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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Good morning @Erell

I don't understand fully though I've been through some things. I want to tell you what helped me. I had to let go and give full control to Jesus. I don't know how to tell you to do this. I don't think it works without faith, a gift we have to ask for. I don't know. It worked for me. It brought me comfort, peace and reassurance that in the midst of seemingly impossible trial, He is the way through. He is the rock I was tied to when the waves crashed into me. Eventually the waves calmed. They will for you too. 

-md

2002 Escitalopram 10 mg

2018 2.5 mg - stopped by Dr./Reinstated, up-dosed to 7.5 mg

04/19 Began BM slide

CURRENT¬†¬†0.95 mg¬†ūüĆľ

 

"If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth."

Mark 9:23

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  • Moderator

Dear, dear @Erell

Thank you for your message.  I receive your gift of love, and it is turning my tears of anguish to tears of togetherness--this challenging morning when it is hard to move.  What you so accurately describe, I am also experiencing.  Whatever strength you have kindled in me, I send back to you.  May you soon feel better,  may you get through this day--

With hugs and love,

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 

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@Erell I see you are still helping people and rooting people on in spite of your horrific symptoms. You are truly a warrior and an amazing person. I’m in awe of your courage and fortitude. 

2008: start Lexapro 10 mg which is quickly upped to 20 mg. 2008:2013 try at least four individual times to get off Lexapro, never get lower than 5mg, settle at 15 mg. 2015: again, attempt to get off Lexapro and get to 5 mg. After 6 months, feel i'm stabilizing but go back on a higher dose because of one stressful event. 2016: go to 20 mg from 15 mg due to work stresses, hit severe tolerance for the first time and become very suicidal. 2016-2017: try viibryd and cymbata in an attempt to feel better. Also add Lamictal 150 at some point. 2017: eventually land on paxil 37.5 and Lamictal 150. January 2018: cut paxil to 25. April-July 2018: reduce Lamictal in 50 mg increments till im off August. 2018: reduce paxil to 20 mg. december 2018: dropped Paxil to 18 mg, SEVERE CRASH. March updosed to 20 mg April 11: dropped to 19.4 mg due to akathsia (still experiencing akathsia symptoms from updose) April 20: 19 mg Paxil May 4: 18.7 Paxil July 5: 18.2 July 12: 17.8 Aug 19: 17.5 Aug 26: 17.3 Oct 20: 17.1 Nov 3: 16.9, 8/17/20: 16.6 after nine month hold, 8/24/20: 16.4, 8/31/20:16.2, 9/14/2020: 16.0, 9/21/20: 15.8, 9/28/20: 15.6, 10/19/20:15.4, 10/26/20: 15.2, 11/2/20: 15.1, 11/7/20: 14.8, 3/6/2-: 14.5, 3/20/20: 14.3, 4/3/20: 13.9, 4/10/2021: 13.7. 4/21/21: 13.5, 5/5/2021: 13.1, 12.2 8/12/2021 (slowly microtapered to this number. I just can’t remember the exact dates), 11.8 9/6/2021, 11.6 9/13/21, 11.2 9/27/21, 11.1 9/30/21.....11/5/21 switched to 10 mg tablet. I am holding to stabilize for the foreseeable future 

 

 

Medication signature.docx

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@Erell

My heart goes out to you I know exactly how you feel. 
Big hugs to you you’re not alone many have walked the path before you and are now fully recovered. They are well and living their best life.
One day this will be you Erell xx  
 
 

 
 

October 2004 Paxil 20mg - October 2018, 14 years

Nov 2018 Pregabalin - 2x50 mg a day to help with Paxil WD

August 2019 Pregabalin - 2 x 25mg a day 

April 2020 Pregabalin - 45mg, May 40mg, June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg, Aug 24mg 

June 2021   Pregabalin - 14mg, January 2022 Pregabalin 14mg (2x7mg a day)

October 2018 Paxil - 20 mg, November 15mg, December 10mg  February 2019 Paxil- 7.5mg crashed, February 8.5mg, Nov 8mg 

March 2020 Paxil - 7.2mg, April 6.5mg, May 5.9mg, June 5.4mg, July 4.8mg, December 4.5mg 

January 2021 Paxil - 4mg, February 3.6mg, March 3.2mg, April 2.9mg, Aug 2.7mg, Sept 2.4mg, Oct 2.2mg, Nov 2mg, Dec 1.8mg

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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Erell praying  peace and healing for you!

Hang on ūüí™

2000-2013 Paxil - 1 year fast taper

2013-2018 drug merry go round with dr. 
zoloft, cymbalta, lamictal, Prozac.

 Nov. 2018 lexapro 15 mgs,

Dec. 2019 to  Mar. 2020 lexapro 10mg. Jul 2020 to October 2020 8.5 ml.
Oct 2020 reinstated to 9 ml.
Apr 2021 to Jul 2021 7ml. Oct to Nov 2021 6.3ml. Dec 12 2021 6.2 ml, Dec 19 2021 6.1 ml, Dec 26 2021 6 ml, Jan 2 2022 5.9 ml, 

present Celebrex 200 - 400 mg daily as needed, Pepcid 20 mg, Prilosec very rarely if desperate 

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@Erell, I wish I could give you a break from this trip. I wish I could do a week of your suffering, and you could do a week in my life. That would give you a well-deserved rest and me a good reminder of everything I should be thankful for because I'm starting to forget what it was like (and you will too, one day) I'm sure I'm not the only one here who feels that way, although I know that most people here have their own struggles.
¬†¬† I can't even give you a real hug, but I hug you anyway if you need one. ‚̧ԳŹ
   
Aurorax

 

2001 Januari-May: Paxil 20 mg
2001 Oktober-December Xanax 1 mg, 0 to 4 pills/day (no wd from quitting Xanax)
2002-2003 Paxil 20 mg, tries to taper but reinstates
2004 Tries to come off Paxil, reinstates after 5 months off
2005 Paxil 30 mg
2006 to end of 2007: Paxil 15-20 mg, tries to taper but reinstates
2007, december: Increases to 30 mg but Paxil is no longer ‚ÄĚworking‚ÄĚ
2008 Januari to september: Tapering from 30 mg to 10 mg.
2008 September to december: 10 mg to 5 mg
2009 Januari to end of april: 5 mg to 0 mg.
2009 march to januari 2010: Various sleeping pills: Propiomazine and Promethazine for a few days, Alimemazine on and off for months. No benzo.
2010, January until now: 100% drug free.

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Hi Erell,

I‚Äôm so sorry you‚Äôre in the thick of it again. Only this community could fully understand when you say, you are ‚Äėafraid of everything‚Äô including your ‚Äėcat and the shower‚Äô. I have such intense fear of just life itself. Erell with our community we will get through this, holding hands together supporting each other around the world.Try not to forget Baylissa‚Äôs wise words. ‚ÄėEveryone heals eventually‚Äô ¬†Baylissa has more experience than most in this crazy condition. Hang on in there, ¬†you can do this we can do it together. Think of the coping strategies that work for you, embrace them, be the kindest you have ever been to yourself, whilst the rest of us are caring for you remotely.¬†
Hang on in there Erel, Take care, warm regards Kx

 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

 

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