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Erell: struggling with paroxetine


Erell

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Dr. Erell

 

13 minutes ago, Erell said:

i've been able To drive and take a walk on the coast!!!! This is definitely m'y biggest point on the gratitude list!! ūüėÄ

I did not believe you would do this so quicklyūüĎŹ well done.

 

15 minutes ago, Erell said:

i've been angry at me

You will find anger on the W/D list, like all the rest it subsides, it is nice when it goes.

 

16 minutes ago, Erell said:

Well, maybe this is not me, these depressed feelings may just also be WD symptoms...i still don't know

Yes you do know, you just want confirmation it is W/D. It is.

 

19 minutes ago, Erell said:

Sass, thank you for your patience since my first post!

You are welcome, you are a model member.

 

Do you feel the magnesium is helping?

Did you sleep any better last night?

 

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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That's very nice of you, but I have to confess...I have a terrible English accent ūüėÖ¬† It's easier for me to write rather than speak : while writing, I have all the time I need to think, find a tra

Just a little¬†gift from Brittany to thank you for your support ‚̧ԳŹ ¬†

During WD and recovery, we all reach a point where we've just had enough.  We can't take one more day of anxiety or fear or aches or sleeplessness.  I had many days like that. But each moment offers a

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2 minutes ago, Sassenach said:
3 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

Yes you do know, you just want confirmation it is.

 

Ok..i really am a child...ūüėĄyes I wanted To read you confirming ūüė≥

 

1. Yes I could bearely trust I was actually driving To the coast ūüėģ and feeling almost good ūüėģ that is why I fear To overcelebrate, I really need To keep knowing that there Will be waves.

 

2. I honestly can't tell if the magnésium is helping..Guess yes because I'm feeling better. At least it doesn't seem To worse any symptom, except maybe restlessness in legs, but can't tell if it's related. 

 

3. Last night I think I slept 5hours, and I'm not sure if I woke up during it, so I Guess m'y sleep was deeper.

I struggled To fall asleep because of restlessness in legs.

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :  7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

(Toothpick Paroxetine from September 2020 to 17th March 2021)

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Hello Erell,

 

Wow! See what a difference a day makes! You were able to get out and to drive. I bet you felt wonderful. Hold onto these feelings and remember them when you feel down. Not only was it a great day - it also helps build knowledge that you are healing. :)

 

28 minutes ago, Erell said:

I'm such an idiot for not being able To Simply enjoy the day!

 

Would you think this about a friend or someone you cared about if they had worries on a beautiful day? Probably not. Try to treat yourself with the same love you do others. ūüíóIt is something I remind myself to do when I am disappointed in myself. ;)

 

31 minutes ago, Erell said:

I coped these depressed feelings by going outside many times, thanks To the low anxiety. Contrarily To the previous days, my flat depressed me and I felt the need To be somewhere else.

 

Being in the sun and natural light is so beneficial for your mood. I also find it depressing to be at home. ;)

 

I am happy you have made this progress!

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  • Moderator Emeritus
15 minutes ago, Erell said:

that is why I fear To overcelebrate

No such thing, enjoy the moment.

 

16 minutes ago, Erell said:

I honestly can't tell if the magnésium is helping.

I think it may be helping if you are sleeping better.

You could try a very small increase to one third of a spoon.

18 minutes ago, Erell said:

restlessness in legs,

This where acceptance comes in.

I have this issue and have learned to fully relax my legs in bed and ignore the discomfort.

Restless legs are very common in W/D.

 

If it is ok to use your email I will send you pics of Ecosse.

If you do not want me to use your email that is fine.

 

Early night, good book, phone off, dark room.

Sleep well.

 

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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Yes Sass : Phone off after 8pm, warm shower and a sweet lullaby in bed ;)

 

It would be lovely To see your pictures of Scotland! Feel free To use my email!

I have been To Scotland when I was a child, I Will ask my father where!

 

You too sleep Well dear doctor ! 

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :  7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

(Toothpick Paroxetine from September 2020 to 17th March 2021)

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Good morning Erell

How are you feeling this morning?

How well did you sleep?

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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  • Moderator

Hi dear Sass 

 

Here we go for my diary, morning routine ;)

 

Wednesday 2nd October ( day 8 on 10mg Paroxetine  / day 2 on magnesium citrate)

 

6.30 am : woke up anxious (6) / restlessness in legs (4_5)

8am : 10mg Paroxetine 

9am : anxiety decreases (3). Noticed I have aches in my body, Feel tired and flued. 

11.30 am : eat a salmon sandwich 

12.30 : High Spike of dépression  : I decided To go on coast, needed To escape from my flat and from my head.

2pm : comeback To my flat. Anxiety : 3 / dépression: 4.

3pm To 4pm : High Spike of dépression,  can't distract , ruminate too much. Feel hopeless. Dépression: 8.

So I decided To go back To the coast To look at the sea ! 

5.40 pm : come back To my flat. Anxiety  : 3 / Dépression  : 4.

Started To think that this dépression may be WD symptoms. ;)

Eat a sandwich.

7.50 pm : go To my bed, feel tired and don't know what else To do. + Feel really cold! Anxiety: 3 / Dépression: 3.

Line up of the show : relaxation exercices / lullaby / sudoku. ūüėĄ

10.30pm : light off. I think I might fell asleep around 11.30pm.

5.30 am : woke up anxious(6). Stayed in bed and fell asleep again.

7.30 am : woke up anxious (6_7).

 

 

 

---„Äč restleness in legs was low (3_4) yesterday night, particularly after a relaxation exercice.

--„Äč Yesterday I felt a lot of urges To go out of my flat. ¬†Thanks To low¬†anxiety, ¬†i've been able To do it!

--„Äč I have read somewhere that your brain can't make the difference between a real smile and a fake one..now I smile all time even if I don't want To...;)

 

 

 

And :

 

1. This night : I think I slept Well from 11pm To 5.30 am..6.30 hours of sleep, won't complain ! And I Feel like my sleep was deeper.

 

2. Now : anxiety(6) / dépression (5)

 

 

Ps To all : you have told me that my English was good. Feel free To correct me when I do mistakes, it feels nice to me to improve things , even if they are only a matter of language ;)

However I know this isn't prior, just wanted you To know that it is ok if you point mistakes ;)

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :  7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

(Toothpick Paroxetine from September 2020 to 17th March 2021)

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Will comment later

Are you going to increase the magnesium slightly today?

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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  • Moderator

I don't know about magnésium, still so afraid of making things worse now that my anxiety has decreased. I'm gonna put a really tiny tiny tiny more ...:)

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :  7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

(Toothpick Paroxetine from September 2020 to 17th March 2021)

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  • Moderator Emeritus

If you feel unhappy about increasing carry on taking your existing dose.

Listen to your body and go with your feelings.

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

Link to post
  • Moderator

ūüėö

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :  7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

(Toothpick Paroxetine from September 2020 to 17th March 2021)

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  • Moderator

I'm thinking about this situation and how I could help both of you :

- this person could write in French on her post and I translate

 

Or

 

- this person could send me in private mails the posts, and then I translate them To post them in public

 

Or

 

- you only ask me if things are not clear

 

Tell me what is best for you!

 

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :  7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

(Toothpick Paroxetine from September 2020 to 17th March 2021)

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks Erell.

I would appreciate your help as Google translator is not great.

Please consider you may read something upsetting and We do not want your recovery compromised.

I have to go out now but will be back this afternoon.

 

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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  • Moderator

Yes Sass, I have considerated it : as I'm feeling ok right now, it feels Nice To help !

If it I'm too anxious and notice it upsets me, I Will tell you. 

 

Thank you for all you do!

 

Good afternoon

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :  7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

(Toothpick Paroxetine from September 2020 to 17th March 2021)

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

You're a star.

 

Please introduce yourself to @Vegalia

I have to go now, already late.

Back 5pm UK time.

Thanks

 

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Erell

How are you feeling today?

You do not seem to have posted as much as the last couple of days.

9 hours ago, Erell said:

Feel really cold!

This is temperature dysregulation, and yes you guessed it, another lovely W/D symptom.

9 hours ago, Erell said:

Line up of the show : relaxation exercices / lullaby / sudoku. ūüėĄ

Wish I had seen thatūüŹÉ‚Äć‚ôāÔłŹ

 

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

Link to post
  • Moderator

Hi Sass!

Thanks for asking!

Today : 

--„Äč it was a good day! Anxiety and d√©pression stayed at a low¬†rate ( 3-4), with some Spikes at 5-6.

--„Äč for the first time since I arrived here I have been able To really accept the symptoms. I knew you were right, but it was hard To cope..and Today, for a quick moment, I have been able To tell myself "Oh this anxiety is ok, it's wonderful, it means my brain is healing"...and for the first time I truly believed it !

--„Äč I¬†had a quick moment at noon while i felt almost normal...it was so wonderful...ūüėć

--„Äč I have been able To go out and walk on the beach.¬†

--„Äč but, as you noticed, I haven't posted a lot here...I don't know how To explain it : Today was a good day, and yet reading others made me Feel anxious..thinking " see, you should not Feel Well, something terrible is going To happen". To cope I did'nt come here.

I must say I really admire you mods : being able To cope your symptoms while helping others...

 

Sass, I was so happy To read you felt normal Today!!!!!!! Such a wonderful news! 

 

Ps : I think I'm becoming a sudoku addict...

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :  7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

(Toothpick Paroxetine from September 2020 to 17th March 2021)

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Great news Erell

 

26 minutes ago, Erell said:

I don't know how To explain it : Today was a good day, and yet reading others made me Feel anxious..thinking " see, you should not Feel Well, something terrible is going To happen". To cope I did'nt come here.

You did exactly the right thing.

As you feel better it can be good to limit your time here.

We will still be here when you need us.

28 minutes ago, Erell said:

Sass, I was so happy To read you felt normal Today!!!!!!! Such a wonderful news! 

 

I cannot believe it, I am still feeling good, Thank you.

I have just posted on @Vegalia but I do not want you to do this if you are feeling anxious.

If you are ok I would appreciate a translation to French.

I have told her to post on her own thread in French.

If you follow her you will be notified of her posting.

Again you must not do this to the detriment of your own health.

 

So glad you are feeling better.

 

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

Link to post
2 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

yet reading others made me Feel anxious..thinking " see, you should not Feel Well, something terrible is going To happen". To cope I did'nt come here.

 

Me too. I came less often.

 

I am so glad you are feeling better. See the difference a few days makes!

 

2 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

As you feel better it can be good to limit your time here.

We will still be here when you need us.

 

It is easy to be overwhelmed by all the stories and information on SA. I think for me it is empathy with others, what other symptoms might I experience (a 'what if' negative thought), and I think my life is all about surviving my ADs. Getting off duloxetine (for now) is just part of my life.

 

What do you think?

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  • Moderator

@Sassenach¬†: actually it's weird but translate doesn't make me Feel anxious. I'm so focused on finding the good words, I don't analyze ¬†what you¬†both say ūüėČ and it is Nice To Feel I can help.

I would like To do more, but as you said it might be good if I limit a bit my reading here. But I'm still ok To translate!

 

Oh Sass, I have such a big smile while thinking of you feeling good!!!!!!

 

@Guilietta : yes it's actually hard To believe how things have improved!!! This is so great!

 

I totally agree with you about the 'what if' : everytime I read that someone is struggling, I imagine how bad Im gonna be...

And it desperates me to see new stories everyday : even if we manage one day To be drugsfree, there are still gonna be thousands of people who will be prescribed...how can we stop that? I can't bear the idea of so many people suffering right now..and still in the future.

 

BUT, for now sweet Guilietta, all we can and must do is take care of ourselves. If it means less time here, it's ok. Because I know that when we Will Feel good we Will be here, strong and ready To help !

ūüėô

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :  7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

(Toothpick Paroxetine from September 2020 to 17th March 2021)

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you Erell.

Hope we can help her.

What comes next

Phone/tv off

Relax/ read/yoga.

Dark room.

 

Nightnight

colloquial for goodnight

 

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello sweet Erell, just checking in. It sounds like you are having some improvement, I am not surprised, you are doing a great job of taking care of yourself. I expect you are going to continue to improve in a "windows and waves" pattern.

 

There are worse things to be addicted to than Sudoku! ūüôā

 

Hugs, if you like them...

 

--Rhiannon

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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1 hour ago, Sassenach said:

Phone/tv off

Relax/ read/yoga.

Dark room.

 

I hope you are now in a darkened room relaxing, Erell ūüėī

 

I will be here. Just less of me ;).

 

2 hours ago, Erell said:

even if we manage one day To be drugsfree, there are still gonna be thousands of people who will be prescribed...how can we stop that?

 

We educate other people about these drugs so they don't take them¬† (or prescribe them). Drug¬† companies are unlikely to stop making them and doctors want to prescribe them.¬†¬† ūüėé

 

Good night, sweetie.

 

 

 

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  • Moderator

@Sassenach : yeah! New Word learned 'nightnight' ! :)

 

@Rhiannon : thank you, always happy To hear from you!

I think I've never been Well like this in a month..so grateful! This is thanks To you all : can't imagine all the new changes I would have done if I hadn't met you ūü§§

I  still have issues, but yes it has definitely improved ! And sudoku is a sweet drug ;)

 

And yes, hugs seem sweet these days :)

 

 

@Guilietta : yes I hope we manage To educate people!

One thing makes me Feel really sad : I work with disabled people..their meds and their doses change all the time..now I understand  it is pure violence. And it desperates me...

 

But I know I can't be their advocate without feeling better. So I take care of myself for now...

 

Lot of love for you all!

 

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :  7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

(Toothpick Paroxetine from September 2020 to 17th March 2021)

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  • Moderator

Diary - Thursday 3d October (day 9 on 10mg Paroxetine/ day 3 with magnésium)

 

7.30 am : woke up anxious (6)

8 am : 10mg Paroxetine 

10am : High Spike of despair, sadness, fearing the future.

11.30 : felt almost normal!!!!!! Anxiety was at rate 2 !!!! This feeling lasted one minute, sooooo pleasant!

12.20 : I cooked vegetables...haven't really cooked since 2 weeks!

1pm : anxiety : 5 / Despair  : 5

1.15 pm : took a warm shower 

2pm To 3pm went out, drove.  Struggling with too much anxiety, went back to my flat.

3.30 pm : High Spike of despair. 

4pm : phonecall with a friend. Feeling happy and confident. 

5pm : dépression at a 6 rate : I decided To go outside To see the sea.

Walked on the beach, anxiety really low (2-3). Came back home at 6.30 pm.

7pm : despair at rate 7 : highly fearing the future, want To cet but can't,  big sadness.

8.30pm : Phone off, the show began : in bed with my dear lullaby, slight light and my dear sudoku

10pm : felt really tired : lights off.

I think I fell asleep around 11pm.

I woke up anxious several times this night. Don't know the hours, I forced myself To not watch the Phone. 

 

This morning : woke up anxious (6) at 6.45 am.

 

Now : I Feel anxious (5/6) and a bit despair (5).

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :  7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

(Toothpick Paroxetine from September 2020 to 17th March 2021)

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Good morning to you too.

I am very pleased to see that you are cooking vegetables, the healthy option much better than ravioli.

Is it possible that you could spend some time with your Mum and dad this weekend preferably outside in the fresh air?

You seem more relaxed when away from home at the moment and interaction would be good if you feel you can cope with it.

Did you increase the magnesium or stay on the same dose?

You do a very important job caring for others.

It is important to remember though that not all drugs are evil.

Thank you for the translation.

She seems to have very complicated history.

I will have to make that at my light reading for today.

We have heavy rain here today so I will get wet taking the dog out.

You have a good one

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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  • Moderator

Hi Sass!

 

1. They were ravioli with vegetables ūüėĄ¬†I only eat organic food, ¬†and have a little garden! That's actually my goal for Today: take care of my¬†vegetable¬†garden ;)

 

2. My dad and my mum live an hour away from me. It would be Nice To see them, but I Feel so Guilty when I see them sad or anxious..I don't wanna ask them too much. 

I really do love my parents, they don't understand but they are trying their best. But even if I try To explain them it Will be slow, I know it is difficult for them how slow it can be...

I don't Feel able To drive an hour To get To see them.

However, a friend is coming Saturday and we are going To take a walk together.

Sometimes I Feel I need relations, and sometimes I fear it..

And sometimes I Feel I'm doing better outside, sometimes I really need the security of m'y flat. Being away from home, like really away, is hard...

 

3.this morning I increased a tiny tiny bit magnésium;)

 

4. I know that all drugs are not evil, but I was talking about AD and benzos. They all have some, ¬†and their doses are changed all time ūü§§¬†

 

5. Weather here changes all time ! Yesterday,  I went To the beach under the sun...And suddenly i was wet under the rain! I really like it, it helps me remember that nothing lasts forever...as waves ;)

No rain this morning, I think we might see the sun soon!

 

Thank you Sass for your présence!

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :  7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

(Toothpick Paroxetine from September 2020 to 17th March 2021)

Link to post

Hello Erell,

 

I hope your morning anxiety and despair have passed. Some mornings this is the way it is and goes away. Many mornings are bright and cheery (as I generally am!).

 

6 hours ago, Erell said:

It would be Nice To see them, but I Feel so Guilty when I see them sad or anxious..I don't wanna ask them too much. 

I really do love my parents, they don't understand but they are trying their best. But even if I try To explain them it Will be slow, I know it is difficult for them how slow it can be...

 

Your parents I think love you very much, from what you have said above.  It has taken months for information to seek in bit by bit even though I can't say it is fully understood or appreciated. I try not to dwell on it and when feeling really bad I try to keep to myself when I can. I feel guilty too because I don't want them to feel sad.  That being said - when you love someone and they are sick or having trouble in their lives- you may also be sad.

 

6 hours ago, Erell said:

I don't Feel able To drive an hour To get To see them.

 

You could call them, let them you know are feeling better, that you love them if you are feeling up to it. :)

 

6 hours ago, Erell said:

However, a friend is coming Saturday and we are going To take a walk together.

 

That is wonderful! I wish I was there with you!

 

6 hours ago, Erell said:

And suddenly i was wet under the rain! I really like it, it helps me remember that nothing lasts forever...as waves

 

Brilliant! You are so wise and learn well from your environment. It is a gift. :) This is a good way to look at change - and that unpleasant things don't last forever. That is positive thinking.

 

6 hours ago, Erell said:

Being away from home, like really away, is hard...

 

This is part of healing when we have anxiety.

 

Being with others may feel safe - or we may feel threatened (because we don't have control?).

 

I find that when someting is in the future (i.e., going to something whenit is a few days away) I am excited. Somtimes though, on the¬† day of the event - I may think of reasons to change my mind.¬†¬† ūüėē¬† However for me it helps that if I can get myself ready to go and get out the door and I am 'happy' once I am there.

 

Did you decide about post-poning your work from Monday?

 

Have a pleasant day

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  • Moderator

Hi Guilietta 

 

Ufortunately I have nothing pleasant To say Today. I'm having a really tough day. Anxiety is low but I have violent depression feelings, all day with no relief. 

I thought these kind of feelings would be easier To cope but actually they are not.

I Feel High melancholia, everything desperate me, can't imagine it Will improve. All is sadness.

 

 

Even if my mind knows that this a waves and Windows pattern, I can't Feel it and Feel deeply hopeless. I'm struggling and try To believe it Will pass.

 

I went To the beach, but it did'nt give me any relief. 

 

The only positive thing is I can cry while I couldn't the other days.

I can't call my parents while feeling like this, it would be too scary for them.

 

I avoided the work subject all this week..and still am. As i was feeling better, I tried To convince myself i would be able To go next monday, and that it would distract me from symptoms.

Now I Feel like an idiot.

 

 

I'm so sorry Guilietta,  you have so much To deal with already, and I can't tell you positive things. Just know I really try m'y best. 

 

Hugs,  take care or yourself!

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :  7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

(Toothpick Paroxetine from September 2020 to 17th March 2021)

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi

Will be back later, but

35 minutes ago, Erell said:

The only positive thing is I can cry while I couldn't the other days.

This means your symptoms are changing.

Seems unfair crying is an improvement, but it is.

You are having a wave that will roll to the shore and die, but unlike the real ones these don't go on forever.

You are getting better and will continue to do so.

Don't give these often but today you deserve oneūü§ó

 

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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  • Moderator

Thank you Sass :)

 

Actually crying is ok : it is a relief To cry when I need !

What is really hard To cope is the violency of despair and dépression.

 

What does it mean when symptoms change like this ?

 

Hope strongly you're feeling ok Today!

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :  7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

(Toothpick Paroxetine from September 2020 to 17th March 2021)

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Erell

 

10 hours ago, Erell said:

Struggling with too much anxiety, went back to my flat.

3.30 pm : High Spike of despair. 

 30 minutes later

10 hours ago, Erell said:

4pm : phonecall with a friend. Feeling happy and confident. 

All in the space of a couple of hours.

12 minutes ago, Erell said:

What does it mean when symptoms change like this ?

If they were not changing you would be stuck in withdrawal forever, that is not going to happen.

I wish I could tell you how long but as yet SA have not given me a crystal ball.

All I know is you have made a great start even though it does not feel like that at present

It is going to keep changing slowly for the better, believe, believe.

Bet you do not remember the Monkees song, I'm a Believer, before you were bornūüĎ∂

The calm of evening is coming, try and relax into it.

 

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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  • Moderator

Well Sass, I don't know if my parents heard you...they just have sent me a text To tell they are coming tomorrow. I'm glad and also very anxious : as they don't understand the 'slow part' of this, I'm afraid they Will be surprised...and also hoping badly i'll Feel better tomorrow...

 

Yes I know you can't tell me how long it Will last. I might have been too confident  : as I was having changes throughough the day during the last days, I thought it Will be the same. But no relief in sadness Today. Just an entire rough day. Visibly I'm still learning the process...

 

I don't know this song, I'm gonna listen To it :)

 

 

Thank you Sass for your patience during my learning.

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :  7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

(Toothpick Paroxetine from September 2020 to 17th March 2021)

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  • Moderator Emeritus
14 minutes ago, Erell said:

I'm glad and also very anxious

Tonight is important then.

Start to wind down now, play the Monkees if you can find it.

Definitely a hot bath night, candles, incense, warm towels. Sorry getting carried away here:blush:

Where was I?

Phone off, yoga (if you can ), Sudoku, Lullaby.

Relax and sleep.

Tomorrow really is another day.rainbow3.jpg.05a57018bb504672229fa6cc0fd8c3b3.jpg

 

View from the window!

 

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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  • Moderator

Ohhh Sass! Thank you for this picture! Love it!

 

Yes now I'm cleaning a bit my flat, so they won't be scared as soon as they come in ;)

And after : relaxation evening!

 

Thank you for your support!!!!

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details : topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :  7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

(Toothpick Paroxetine from September 2020 to 17th March 2021)

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Will send you some more of Scotland soon as I have have chance.

Don't forget to ask your dad where you were on holiday.

Don't exhaust yourself cleaning.

Bossy aren't IūüĎŅ

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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