Erell: struggling with paroxetine

February 7, 2022

My heart goes out to you Erell.❤️ The amount of pain some of us go through to heal from these drugs is inhumane. I wish I could say, do this or do that, and it will help, but I know you have a much better tool box of coping skills then I have.........You are healing everyday, every minute of everyday......One day it will click.......Have you looked on http://BAYLISSA.COM. She has little clips to listen to for encouragement and other helpful things on her website.....

February 7, 2022

I am so very sorry you continue to suffer so, @Erell. There will be a day when this all will feel different....keep hanging in there. You are amazing.

February 21, 2022

On 2/8/2022 at 1:39 AM, Greatful said:

Have you looked on http://BAYLISSA.COM.

Baylissa’s free daily affirmations really are encouraging. I often have her words of encouragement in the back of my mind. She has helped so many go through this and she always maintains that we all heal eventually.
Hang on in there @Erellyou can do this, we all canX

February 23, 2022

Dear, dear @Erell--I send you healing wishes, much peace and calm🕊️

February 24, 2022

Hello @Erell -- I was just reading over all the posts on my Intro thread that I have missed in the past two years, it looks like I haven't really been back here since the beginning of the Covid mess. Anyway you sent me some lovely messages, thank you! Reading back a bit, I noticed that at one point you mentioned Tara Brach and I replied that I had heard of her. Well, I have been listening to her and using her guided meditations once or twice a week for the last two years. So thank you for the inspiration.

I'm so sorry to hear you aren't thriving the way you would like to be. You deserve all the best. Hugs to you dear one.

--Rhiannon

March 15, 2022

Just want you to know I think about you and pray for you often! Don’t give up hope hang in there! Someday this will get better @Erell

March 16, 2022

Hello,
It's been a while since I last replied: thank you for your sweet thoughts and your warm support, it's always so good to read you and to know that I'm not alone in this journey. ❤️

I've been quiet, for several reasons. First of all, February was quite hectic for me: first my neck and back painfully got "blocked", but I was lucky enough to see a nice osteopath. Then I got sick, for the first time since my Prozac bridge, and to say the least, catching a virus during WD is quite an ordeal, my symptoms intensified.
I had the symptoms of Covid, but my tests all came back negative, so I guess I got a nice flu/rhino throat combo.
Once I was done with this virus I had 2 days of feeling a bit better in terms of WD: I thought that after this difficult month I might have reached a new baseline.
Well, it's not the case, and I'm still struggling with the same symptoms. But I'm glad I got a taste of some peace: it reminded me why I was hanging on and how much I want to see the day when I feel better.

I also don't come much because I don't have anything new to say: I've been holding my dose since last November, and I still live with the same symptoms.
So, you see, still the same blah blah blah about my Prozac bridge and my prolonged Paxil withdrawal syndrome, and the same doubts about whether to taper or not, whether Prozac is causing my symptoms. I dream of tapering off the Prozac and eliminating this poison from my daily life, but at the same time, being unstable, I dread making things worse.

Two symptoms in particular represent a major challenge for me since the Prozac bridge: the constant and doomy sensation that I am losing touch with reality and the intrusive thoughts and sensations that I prefer not to describe, I believe that if this symptom were to diminish I would be able to move forward a little more, because for the moment this symptom makes me too afraid of being a danger to others or to myself and I don't manage to overcome this fear and live outside or taper more serenely.
It's hard to tell myself that I've been living with these horrible thoughts/impulses for two years.

I am tired, sad and scared, but I don't want to give up. I am taking classes, remotely, and doing my best to project myself into the future. It's hard to see progress because the days can be so difficult, but I think that just the fact that I'm taking classes, even if I can't do it every day, is a sign of progress!

It's strange, it's not easy to recognize progress because I always feel restless and shaky, yet if I manage to concentrate on classes on certain days, it's because I probably am less restless: so I'm going to stop there and celebrate those improvements that we don't always notice but which hopefully are getting us to our destination

Thank you, deeply, for being part of this community. Even if I'm not really good at interactions lately and don't know what to say to people, just knowing that you are here and that SA exists is a huge comfort ❤️

March 16, 2022

@Erell

thank you for posting on my thread♥️ you have humblest support, I can't believe the amount of pain you have been through.

I can so relate to a lot of what you say....... When to taper, is it the drug.....I've had a hard time being on here of and on...I think when the depression, hopelessness and lack of energy play a big part........Like you, what do I have to say about myself and what could I say to other people when I am feeling so hopeless myself.......It is sad to see the amount of pain we go through because of these drugs. Sadly these drugs can make us feel/ be different then who we are....... What has it done to our brains......

You must know that you are a remarkable, courageous woman......You are doing the best that you can....Taking classes is a huge accomplishment. No we can't give up....

Bayliss says: Imagine you are on your way home. You know without a doubt you will arrive. You look ahead and notice there is a massive traffic jam. You are stuck. There is no way out but through it. Have you read her book Recovery and Renewal?

If only it wouldn't take so long.....My goodness if we only knew the depths and duration we could power through with a lighter mind/ heart. The unknown and uncertainty can raise it's ugly head and cause down word spirals.........

I am with you on this journey as are a lot of other people♥️

March 17, 2022

Dearest Erell,

Thank you for writing me....it really helps to receive your kind words.

Oh my you have been through a lot since you last wrote. I am really sorry you were sick on top of everything else. It sounds like you had a brief window upon your recovery and I am so glad you experienced that as it is indeed why you are hanging on.....it is so good to know that can happen and it will again.

10 hours ago, Erell said:

I am tired, sad and scared, but I don't want to give up. I am taking classes, remotely, and doing my best to project myself into the future. It's hard to see progress because the days can be so difficult, but I think that just the fact that I'm taking classes, even if I can't do it every day, is a sign of progress!

I can completely relate to feeling tired, sad and scared. I think it is amazing you are taking classes. I think you are right and the fact that you are even able to do this when you weren't before is definitely a sign of progress! And it is wonderful you are thinking of your future now.

Keep holding on, brave Erell. Better days are ahead. 💖

March 17, 2022

All my love, Erell. You are such a special, kind soul. You will get well someday. Don’t forget that. -R

March 17, 2022

19 hours ago, Erell said:

Hi @Erell

im so sorry you are feeling no better at the moment.
I know it’s been a long time. Do you think it’s time to think about tapering?
I haven’t said this before to you. I know you’re worried about destabilising yourself further and it’s your decision but maybe even if you just consider the pros and cons

you're always in my thoughts.

March 17, 2022

On 3/16/2022 at 11:00 AM, Erell said:

Two symptoms in particular represent a major challenge for me since the Prozac bridge: the constant and doomy sensation that I am losing touch with reality and the intrusive thoughts and sensations that I prefer not to describe, I believe that if this symptom were to diminish I would be able to move forward a little more, because for the moment this symptom makes me too afraid of being a danger to others or to myself and I don't manage to overcome this fear and live outside or taper more serenely.

My dear Erell

Wishing you relief and peace! I, too, was plagued with negative ruminations and the feeling I'd never reach recovery. Try to remember thoughts aren't always reality, and are only given power by how we act on them. Recovery can be frustratingly slow, almost imperceptible sometimes, but it does come. Try to reflect on the positive; when I was in the depths of WD, I'd tell myself I was blessed with a job with health care so I could see a therapist, just to get the support I needed. And don't forget you are not in this alone--we are all here to help you. Take care!

March 20, 2022

Dear @Erell,

You will get better. Keep looking ahead. Haven't been in here in a while and am catching up on people, reading your thread......wow. I think that's a huge sign of progress, that you are doing classes. That's going to help you, massively.

Sending big hugs,

Sunny.

March 21, 2022

On 3/16/2022 at 7:00 PM, Erell said:

I am tired, sad and scared, but I don't want to give up. I am taking classes, remotely, and doing my best to project myself into the future. It's hard to see progress because the days can be so difficult, but I think that just the fact that I'm taking classes, even if I can't do it every day, is a sign of progress!

Dear @Erell

Thank you for stopping by my thread 🥰

Having been there myself, I feel your pain. Withdrawal leaves us feeling so totally alone and helpless 😟

Your classes are certainly a welcome distraction. I'm sure that in time you will find yourself more and more immersed in the content and noticing your struggle less. Don't push yourself too hard - time is on your side.

Keep on keeping on - you can do it!

Sending you healing vibes and big hugs, GH

March 21, 2022

Erell if I were you, I would just continue to hold, hold, hold! Unless there is adverse reaction, this can only help your brain to heal and find equilibrium. How is your environment? I believe you live with your parents - are they supportive and positive? I've been writing a journal every day of what I eat, what I do, how I sleep, etc. and that has been very helpful. I discovered some things in my diet that were causing me major problems with sleep. I also discovered my sleep is worsened by chaotic weather, and too much exercise. Have you tried that? I'm really glad you had 2 days of feeling good.

Please hang in there, and don't give up! This will improve at some point in time.

March 21, 2022

2 good days and taking a class that’s real good news Erell ! Every day one step in front of the other, we will get through !

March 25, 2022

Wow! Thanks for your feedback! It really helps me to anchor in my mind that no matter what my difficulties are, yes taking classes and trying to project myself into the future is a step forward and a sign of improvement! Thank you !

On 3/21/2022 at 6:02 PM, getofflex said:

How is your environment? I believe you live with your parents - are they supportive and positive?

I am aware that I have many privileges, especially because my family has the financial and moral capacity to support me. It's not necessarily easy every day, because anyone who hasn't been through it can't understand what you're going through, and ever since my parents saw me extremely agitated, unable to sleep and unable to stay still on the 8mg of Prozac, their wish is that I stop this molecule. And inevitably, the more time goes by, the more they find it hard to believe that I could still be experiencing symptoms from stopping the paroxetine... I believe that, unfortunately, we all face a form of incredulity on the part of those around us, so much so that what we experience is beyond words.

But at the end of the day, I'm the one who has to deal with the effects of these decisions, and I'm very fortunate to have a family who, no matter what their point of view, accepts the fact that it's now up to me to make decisions for my future. And I am extremely fortunate because for the past two years they have respected my decisions and my freedom of choice. And anyone who has been psychiatrically treated knows how priceless that freedom of choice is.

On 3/21/2022 at 6:02 PM, getofflex said:

I've been writing a journal every day of what I eat, what I do, how I sleep, etc. and that has been very helpful. I discovered some things in my diet that were causing me major problems with sleep. I also discovered my sleep is worsened by chaotic weather, and too much exercise. Have you tried that?

Yes, I did this for about a year and a half, but I let go because I noticed it was feeding my "WD detective mind" trying to find a reason for every symptom or spike, when in the end I wasn't spotting any identifiable pattern. As a result, instead of helping me, it contributed to focusing my thoughts on the symptoms.
So now I mostly write down the positive, and use writing to express myself when the mental symptoms are too intense.

Thank you all for being with me on this journey, your support is priceless and so warm ❤️

April 11, 2022

On 3/25/2022 at 3:34 AM, Erell said:

I'm very fortunate to have a family who, no matter what their point of view, accepts the fact that it's now up to me to make decisions for my future. And I am extremely fortunate because for the past two years they have respected my decisions and my freedom of choice.

I'm glad to hear this. It sounds like you have very good parents.

On 3/25/2022 at 3:34 AM, Erell said:

Yes, I did this for about a year and a half, but I let go because I noticed it was feeding my "WD detective mind" trying to find a reason for every symptom or spike, when in the end I wasn't spotting any identifiable pattern. As a result, instead of helping me, it contributed to focusing my thoughts on the symptoms.

This is a good insight. Different things work for different people.

I continue to think about you and pray for you. Hugs! 🥰

April 22, 2022

Hello,
Small update: between the economic market issues and the slowdown of the activity in China, there are many shortages of drugs in my country.
Diazepam is currently out of stock, and we don't have any information about the delay.

I have 3-4 months supply, but knowing that paroxetine was out of stock for 8 months in 2020, I'm going to be careful and start a diazepam taper.

I'm lucky enough to only take a small dose (1mg): I've read quite a bit on the internet in the last few days, it seems that many people stop taking diazepam at 1mg. However, and considering that my brain is still suffering from my "Prozac bridge" of two years ago, I don't want to take any risks and I prefer to take it easy with my nervous system.
Indeed, other people advise to reach 0.25mg or 0.1mg before stopping.

So I'm going to start a diazepam taper, see how my body reacts to a first small drop, and keep trying to find some stock to be able to go slowly.

Since last November, I've been holding my Prozac dose: I don't know if my body can stabilize on Prozac, but I wanted to at least give myself a chance to start the antidepressant taper by being a little stronger and more stable.
So I'm going to continue to hold the Prozac while I deal with the diazepam and the stress of the shortage.

This stockout only strengthens my resolve to get rid of these molecules, and I take the news positively because it basically brings me closer to my goal of a life without psychotropic drugs. I only hope that I will have enough time and supplies to go as slowly as possible.

Ok, here's what's new on my side

My support to all !

Edited April 22, 2022 by Erell

April 22, 2022

1 hour ago, Erell said:

Diazepam is currently out of stock, and we don't have any information about the delay.

I have 3-4 months supply, but knowing that paroxetine was out of stock for 8 months in 2020, I'm going to be careful and start a diazepam taper.

I'm lucky enough to only take a small dose (1mg): I've read quite a bit on the internet in the last few days, it seems that many people stop taking diazepam at 1mg. However, and considering that my brain is still suffering from my "Prozac bridge" of two years ago, I don't want to take any risks and I prefer to take it easy with my nervous system.
Indeed, other people advise to reach 0.25mg or 0.1mg before stopping.

Erell, I'm sorry to read about the supply issues.

Do you get any effect when you take the 1 mg?

Also, is Prozac stimulating for you?

If you were on a higher dose of Valium, you'd like be better off switching to another long-lasting benzo such as Klonopin. But at only 1 mg Valium, that would be a scrap of only 0.05 mg Klonopin equivalent. That being said, you're correct to point out that many people do reduce Valium much lower than 1 mg, so if you think it might be helpful, you may want to consider crossing over to a tiny amount of Klonopin until you're off Prozac.

April 22, 2022

Good luck, Erell. Hang in there. Yes, it is good to be free from these drugs, and that’s a wonderful goal because no one can guarantee that they will be available.

April 22, 2022

43 minutes ago, Shep said:

Do you get any effect when you take the 1 mg?

Also, is Prozac stimulating for you?

If you were on a higher dose of Valium, you'd like be better off switching to another long-lasting benzo such as Klonopin. But at only 1 mg Valium, that would be a scrap of only 0.05 mg Klonopin equivalent. That being said, you're correct to point out that many people do reduce Valium much lower than 1 mg, so if you think it might be helpful, you may want to consider crossing over to a tiny amount of Klonopin until you're off Prozac.

Hello dear @Shep,

I can say that time has allowed me to feel calmer (🙏), but I can't say if the 1mg diazepam has any effect. I don't feel a difference in the hours after taking it.

Similarly, I find it hard to say whether Prozac has a stimulating effect or not: I have been experiencing symptoms since my switch, but the whole problem with a switch is that you end up not knowing what comes from the new molecule and what comes from stopping the original one. Time seems to help me, but I don't know if I'm still suffering from Paxil WD or Prozac effects.

I must admit that after these two very hard years, the prospect of another switch worries me and even reactivates a form of "trauma".
As reluctant as I am to switch again, I thank you for pointing out the possibility that diazepam "moderates" possible stimulant effects of prozac.

Thank you very much for taking the time to share your views with me, it's really nice to be able to compare your plans with an objective outside opinion.
May I ask you if it sounds reasonable to drop the diazepam by 3% or 5% and see how my body reacts before considering a switch?

I've seen lots of different opinions on how much diazepam to take before stopping, I'm having a bit of trouble defining the "jumping dose". Of course, I also know that it depends on each body and the pace that suits it.

Thank you again shep, really appreciate your opinion.

(And thank you @Rosetta for your support, I love hearing from you !)

April 22, 2022

6 hours ago, Erell said:

So I'm going to start a diazepam taper, see how my body reacts to a first small drop, and keep trying to find some stock to be able to go slowly.

I am really glad you've got some diazepam stored up given the shortage problem and hopefully by the time you need more, the issue will be resolved. In the meantime, I am wishing you all the best for your drop. I think you will do really well, Erell, and as you said starting this taper brings you closer to your goal of getting off of these drugs.

I am sending lots of good thoughts your way. 💖

April 22, 2022

Good luck with the taper @Erell. My thoughts are with you .
It sounds like you are feeling more positive 👍

April 22, 2022

@Erell

Good luck with the taper.....I can also relate to the line is this WD from the 1st drug or chemical affect from the new drug.

Stay strong and one day you will be free from these chemicals♥️

April 22, 2022

Hi Erell

I just want you to know you are in my thoughts, and I'm sending positive energy your way from California! You are so strong, I know you will have a successful taper!

April 23, 2022

Hey Erell,

Also best wishes from myside for your tapper!!!

You will do it and remove this poison !!!

April 23, 2022

Hello Erell, it's good to hear from you. I will continue to pray for you and think about you as always. Shep has some good advice for you, I think.

April 23, 2022

On 4/22/2022 at 9:50 AM, Erell said:

I must admit that after these two very hard years, the prospect of another switch worries me and even reactivates a form of "trauma".
As reluctant as I am to switch again, I thank you for pointing out the possibility that diazepam "moderates" possible stimulant effects of prozac.

Thank you very much for taking the time to share your views with me, it's really nice to be able to compare your plans with an objective outside opinion.
May I ask you if it sounds reasonable to drop the diazepam by 3% or 5% and see how my body reacts before considering a switch?

Yes, a 3 - 5% reduction to test how you do sounds very reasonable. Please note it can take a week or so for many people to notice a reduction in diazepam due to the long half life.

Let us know how you do.

April 25, 2022

Good luck with your taper, @Erell! Today I will move some of my seedlings out of my living room and into the garden. That always makes me think of you.

Sending you love and strength! ❤️

Aurorax

April 26, 2022

Thank you all for your amazing support ! ❤️ Thank you for Shep for your advices !
I did a 5 % drop last Sunday. I also managed to have one more bottle, so I'm confident I might get enough supplies to take things slowly.

@Aurorax What a pleasure to hear from you ! Well, I made the same mistake as last year: I planted my tomato seedlings in the greenhouse in the garden, and as it wasn't warm enough, my plants are veeeeery small.
Just like last year, I'll end up buying plants and thinking: "next year I'll do my seedlings inside the house!" 😅
My challenge this year is to manage to have watermelons...

@Longroadhome I thank you very much for sharing your observation with me: indeed, I think I am more positive.

I came across a post by Shep the other day with this video called "Compassion for Voices" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRqI4lxuXAw) and then I watched a video by Eleanor Longden called "The voices in my head".

I've never heard voices, but these two videos made a particular impression on me, especially on the notion of self-compassion and how we respond to the manifestations of our bodies and minds. If anyone is interested, I encourage you to check out the work of the Voice Hearing Network: their work and reflections allow me to start thinking differently about the manifestations of my mind and my thoughts.

I feel really grateful for all those psychiatric survivors who are proposing to rethink our paradigm and sharing their stories. I see much more expertise and sensible thinking in them than in the writings of psychiatry.

Self-compassion is a totally new concept for me, I nver thought about having compassion for myself, and I feel that it will bring me a lot and is probably one of the tools that are most needed in my case.

I still have many challenges ahead of me, and I'm still not an expert in acceptance when chemical fear and DR fill me, but yes, I am doing my best to be more positive and evolve.

Ok, this is getting too long again so I'll stop here and say THANK YOU!

Edited April 26, 2022 by Erell

April 26, 2022

@Erell I have no doubt you will succeed with such attitude.

You are and always be a great inspiration for me and everyone here.
Yes self compassion and self love is so important. It is one of my challenges in life. But I think our will to be free from medication is a great love gesture towards ourselves.
It reminds me a therapist that was asking me to talk to myself in front of a mirror. I had to say to myself loving compliments and words. God it was so hard to tell to myself words like « I love you » or « you are so beautiful ». But I think it worth a shot.

Have a nice day!

Marie

April 26, 2022

4 hours ago, Erell said:

If anyone is interested, I encourage you to check out the work of the Voice Hearing Network: their work and reflections allow me to start thinking differently about the manifestations of my mind and my thoughts.

Wow, Erell. I see you taking a painful and difficult situation, and using it for personal growth. This is very inspirational to me! The human spirit is amazing, how we can transform even the darkest things, and bring good things out of it. Keep up the great work!

April 29, 2022

Thinking of you!🧚🏻‍♀️💕

May 3, 2022

On 4/26/2022 at 3:50 PM, Erell said:

Well, I made the same mistake as last year: I planted my tomato seedlings in the greenhouse in the garden, and as it wasn't warm enough, my plants are veeeeery small.
Just like last year, I'll end up buying plants and thinking: "next year I'll do my seedlings inside the house!" 😅
My challenge this year is to manage to have watermelons...

This made me smile. I made the same mistake with my brussel sprouts. I planted them in the greenhouse in early spring and hoped that I would have tall, sturdy plants by now. They have maybe four tiny leaves...🙄 But the tomatoes that I kept indoors look great. I will write everything down this year and then look at my notes before next season. Melon sounds exciting. I'm trying Armenian cucumber again. I failed last year, but I'm convinced, as always, that this year will be the year when everything will go according to my perfect plans...
I could go on and on about this, but I better stop before we turn SA into a garden forum. What a wonderful world that would be. No drugs, just plants. But at least that's how my life is nowadays. And yours too, eventually! 🌱

Aurorax

May 8, 2022

Hello @Erell

You are amazing.

I have been reading your posts and marveling at how they shine with courage, fortitude, humility, wisdom. Your light is so bright it helps me connect with glimmers inside myself. Thank you for the twinkling, shimmering inspiration! You model behavior and lead by example, which benefits every one of us as well as community as a whole. I feel grateful for your voice here on SA.

My heart goes out to you for all that you have been through and are going through. I cannot imagine.

I'm holding space for your experience and sending healing vibes.

Thank you for helping me feel less alone in the dark, for illuminating the path.

A.

Erell: struggling with paroxetine

Recommended Posts

Greatful

Link to comment

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Erell

Shep

brassmonkey

wantrelief

Link to comment

Katy398

Link to comment

arbor

Link to comment

Rhiannon

Link to comment

getofflex

Link to comment

Erell

Link to comment

Greatful

Link to comment

wantrelief

Link to comment

Rosetta

Link to comment

Longroadhome

Link to comment

mstimc

Link to comment

sunnysideup69

Link to comment

gentlehermione

Link to comment

getofflex

Link to comment

Heath

Link to comment

Erell

Link to comment

getofflex

Link to comment

Erell

Link to comment

Shep

Link to comment

Rosetta

Link to comment

Erell

Link to comment

wantrelief

Link to comment

Longroadhome

Link to comment

Greatful

Link to comment

mstimc

Link to comment

Arti

Link to comment

getofflex

Link to comment

Shep

Link to comment

Aurorax

Link to comment

Erell

Link to comment

Mimi79

Link to comment

getofflex

Link to comment

Rosetta

Link to comment

Aurorax

Link to comment

Ariel

Link to comment