Jump to content
SurvivingAntidepressants.org is temporarily closed to new registrations until 1 April ×

Erell: struggling with paroxetine


Erell

Recommended Posts

  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello dear community, 

While holding my doses, the spike that started this august continues to grow and I can less and less function, I even had "shocks/zaps" in my brain yesterday, which hadn't happened since my prozac bridge. I feel like my state is deteriorating fast.

I keep in mind that I reported some improvements in July, but I am exhausted almost two and a half years into this, despite being careful with my tapering, and wondering if someone could help me: I remember reading about someone who had experienced his most brutal wave just before he recovered, but I can't find it. 
If you have such quotes or links in your "personal compilations", would you be willing to share them with me?
I know that every story is different, and it doesn't matter if this is what is happening to me, it's just that these kind of stories help me to get me through this strong storm.

Thankj you in advance ❤️ 

Take care ☀️

 

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

Link to comment

Did you consume anything other than usual in the last few days? Sudden spikes are often caused by a certain trigger.

  • 45 years old male
  • job in spatial planning
  • into sports, animals and nature
  • Started using 20 mg Paroxetine (Paxil) in 2004 for stressrelated anxiety/depression
  • Attempted several times to stop, starting a few years after 2004
  • Found out in 2015 about paxil withdrawal symptoms and the 5-10% taper guideline
  • Started using liquid paxil in 2015/2016
  • 2018 --> 11.2 mg of paxil
  • 2019-2023 developed severe food- and other sensitivities (anti imflammatory, anti oxidant, food colourings, oils, herbs, chemicals etc.)
  • 12/2023 Poop-out/tolerance, introducing brassmonkey slide method 0.1mg/week
  • 26/1/2024 10 mg (journey halfway).
Link to comment

Dearest @Erell:

 

I am so very sorry to hear of how you are doing.  I know I have read or have seen videos (one was someone going through benzo withdrawal but I don't recall his name) of people suffering withdrawal who experienced what you are describing.  I am very sorry I don't remember the specific names or have links to their stories, just that I do know that it happens.

 

I hope there is someone who knows of such a person's account that you can read/watch but hopefully that you and I both have knowledge of such people helps in someway.

 

Oh how I hope you get some relief soon, my brave friend. 

 

Sending you much much love, WR ❤️

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

Link to comment
  • Mentor

Hi Erell. I was one of those people who struggled near the end of my taper. I don't know if it was the fear of letting go of something that had controlled my life for nine long years, or if it was partially physical as well, but it was pretty intense for a few months.  After I was completely free of Paxil, I recovered quite quickly by using the coping skills I learned during my taper.  I'm praying you will find relied soon as well.

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

Link to comment
  • Mentor
On 9/18/2022 at 4:09 AM, Erell said:

I remember reading about someone who had experienced his most brutal wave just before he recovered, but I can't find it. 
If you have such quotes or links in your "personal compilations", would you be willing to share them with me?

oh I have seen several comments about folks having some bad waves just before a major improvement, I will see if I can find them

 for myself, several times during my recovery, I would have an uptick in symptoms that I almost started to welcome, because more often than not, they were followed by a period of what I guess you would call wide open windows-

I felt like I'd been tossed ashore on a much higher plane of healing, 

if that makes sense

 

hope that helps

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Mentor

@Erell  This can be very brutal and overwhelming.  I am feeling the drain and fatigue from the long long painful journey.

The waves can feel so hard to overcome....Battle fatigue I guess.  It seems anything can set them off.  The bottom line is we are still healing.  Here is something from Baylissa that I found encouraging

 I know without a doubt that people do heal. It’s the aspect of support work that makes it most rewarding. Being able to witness this healing process. Recovery is indeed the normal outcome of withdrawal, no matter how problematic it has been: cold turkey, detox, a cocktail of drugs, ECT, you name it… no matter how protracted. The body is resilient and self-healing and the most important thing to remember is that this experience is temporary – regardless of how traumatic it has been and how long it is taking. This, too, shall pass!

 

If you don't have this already here it is.  Print them out and read and re-read

 

Don't give up on your healing. I know it's difficult to remain hopeful because everyday you struggle with the torture of the intense and bizarre symptoms and it seems as if nothing is changing. So I am here to be the rational, "non-withdrawal" voice in your head and to remind you of the reality : that no matter how long it is taking, this challenge is temporary. One day you will wake up and something will be different. It will be more than a "window", it will be the long-awaited break, the last lap, the finishing line in view.

Then it will be over, and you will be able to navigate your way out from under the rubble, brush yourself off, pick up the pieces and get on with your life. What awaits you on the other side is worth you holding on for. Nothing in life will ever again faze you. You will have a different perspective on life, and it won't take much to make you feel content. 

 

 

When withdrawal anxiety is high and I am in 'fight' or 'flight' or 'freeze' mode, it is difficult for me to be grounded and to

maintain perspective. I lose sight of the fact that this experience is temporary and that it is l🌞eading me to my long-

awaited recovery. I am consumed with what is happening and it can make me seem self-absorbed and uninterested in

my loved ones. This is understandable, as I spend all my time and energy managing the bizarre symptoms, breathing through the pain, and holding on for dear life. I miss important moments in the lives of those around me and I also overlook just how

courageous and persevering I have been and continue to be. So today, I acknowledge my strength and I accept that while

I may spend much of my time consumed with coping, this does not mean that I am self-centered or selfish. I am just

hypervigilant in the context of being constantly aware of my symptoms, and of my environment, always looking for

perceived threats. I know that I will revert to normal when this is over.  am compassionate and gentle with myself, in the

meantime, knowing that no matter how intense and overwhelming my symptoms are, I will cope well. I trust that eventually I will begin to notice improvements and when the timing is right for me, this challenge will end with my recovery.

 

Please know that you are not alone,  it can feels like you are because know one around you has any idea what it feels like but remember there are many of us trying to hold each other up here on SA. 🌞

 

I find encouragement from Pugs success story.  He suffer a great deal his list of symptoms resonate with me  and healed from a fast taper/CT🌞

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin-- 2016  ended back on   Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  thru 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/1  6ct Trazodone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5 

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg 

2021/ 5/16  5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   

Lexapro  Taper> Sept/01/2021  4.90mg>  Sept/25  4.75mg>   Oct/19 4.69mg > Nov/14 4.2mg    Jan/30/2022-- Split dosing 2x a day All liquid  4.2mg  (2.20mg at 8am & 2mg at 4pm) 2/17 4mg>  2/24  3.8mg  slow taper to  Aug/12/2022 2.04mg  2023> 2mg,  1.90mg, 1.80mg, 1.70mg, 1.5mg, 1.4mg, 1.3mg 1.2mg, 1.1mg, 1mg, 0.9mg, 0.8mg, 0.7mg 0.65mg, 0.6mg, 0.55mg, 0.5mg, 0.45mg, 0.4mg, 0.35mg, 0.3mg, 0.25,mg, back to once a day dosing 0 .1mg, 0.07mg

Lamictal  taper  4/17/ 2022 25mg, 9/9/ 22 -20mg, 9/25/22- 15mg , 10/20/22-   0

 Trazodone..2023.>down to 14mg, 7mg, 6mg  July 2023   0

Xanax  0.0625 3 x a day,  2023>  0.042 3x a day

Supplements  Magnesium glycinate, Omega 3, D3, vitamin c , zinc, NAC 

Link to comment
  • Moderator

Hi Erell -- I'm so sorry to hear that you are having such a bad wave. Please don't despair, it will get better. The incident with the prozac getting too warm probably isn't helping but is only a minor factor. The whole thing goes back to the original prozac bridge. This essentially was a CT of the paxil and that CT has to run its course while the other drugs try to coverup the symptoms. Recovering from a paxil CT is a long affair. From your signature you are two and a half years into it. From what I have seen years two and a half to three and a half are the roughest for a paxil CT. For many there is a breaking point right around the three-year mark after which things start to get noticeably better. I really hate putting a time lie on it, but this is what I have seen. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it is not the Eurostar coming at you. Right now, you are getting hit with a very bad wave. It will run its course and subside. 

 

((((((((((MONKEY HUGS)))))))))))))

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Thinking of you. I’ve been out of town. I had a nice trip, and I’m doing well.  I’m still careful as much as I can be to avoid shaking up my nervous system, but it’s much more resilient.  There is always a reason to hope, Erell.  The analogy of hiking to a waterfall is quite perfect! 
 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I'm rooting for you and praying for you @ErellHang in there.  You can do this.  🥰

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

I am thinking about you @Erell and hoping the wave has let up even a little.  You are very brave.  💜

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you for your thoughts and support.

I am afraid I have nothing positive to contribute.
I can't believe my own notes when I wrote in my notebook in June/July that I felt like I was doing a bit better. I think I was, but it seems so far and unreal.
Since mid-August, I feel like I'm falling down. I've been re-reading my thread, and trying to find strength in the testimonies that suggests that decreasing the prozac might be beneficial for me. So after three months of holding prozac without improvement, I made a 2.5% drop 16 days ago, which was probably a bad idea as for the last two days I've been living in pure dread and intense depressed feelings. Can't sleep or distract myself as every cell in my body is composed of cold dread and the feeling of going insane. And I am overwhelmed by a cloud of doom and despair.

 

I read success stories, and I read these people saying that the first two years were the worst. And here I am at 2.5 years old feeling just as bad as when I started this thread. I know that I'm not the only one and I know we can't put a timeline on recovery. I just feel stuck and powerless. My body and my mind want to scream for help, but I also know that no help can be given to a nervous system in withdrawal and I'm too afraid of psychiatry to expect any help. I also read the testimonies of people who say they are better after the worst. But I don't see the end of the worst. 

And I read testimonies and I can't help but feel a kind of jealousy. I know that this feeling is not beneficial for anyone. But it is there.

 

I did blood tests, hoping to find a reason for this hell, but everything is "normal". I know I should be happy to be "healthy" on tests. But I can't access positive thoughts at the moment. It's hard, this inability to achieve a positive feeling or thought. All I can do is try to observe without diving into this negative. 

 

I will hold on for my family. But my goodness, this withdrawal journey is beyond hard. I wish someone who has recovered could hug me, for real, and let me cry all I have to cry. In the meantime, I cling to the words of those who speaks about a breaking point around the three year mark.

Take care dear people.

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

Link to comment

@Erell I so wish you were in front of me now, I would give you the longest hug.  
 

just keep holding on.
 

I tell myself, “tomorrow everything could change”. I have faith it will, for all of us that are patient, distract and quietly make their peace with whatever unfolds along the way xx
 

Nov 2018 Pregabalin 2x50 mg a day to help with Paxil WD. Aug 2019 2 x 25mg a day, April 2020 45mg, May 40mg, June 35mg, July 30mg, end July 25mg, Aug 24mg, June 2021 14mg, Jan 2022 14mg (2x7mg a day), Oct 10mg, Nov 5mg, December 25th 2022 0mg 🎈

 

Oct 2004 - Oct 2018 Paxil 20 mg, Nov 15mg, Dec 10mg,  Feb 2019 7.5mg crashed, Feb 8.5mg, Nov 8mg, March 2020 7.2mg, April 6.5mg, May 5.9mg, June 5.4mg, July 4.8mg, Dec 4.5mg, Jan 2021 4mg, Feb 3.6mg, March 3.2mg, April 2.9mg, Aug 2.7mg, Sept 2.4mg, Oct 2.2mg, Nov 2mg, Dec 1.8mg, Feb 2022 1.6mg, March 1.4mg, April 1.2mg, May 1.0mg, June 0.8mg, July 0.6mg, Aug 0.4mg, Sep 0.2mg, October 6th 2022 0mg  🎈

 

December 25th 2022 drug free 

 

these dates are approximate 

 

Link to comment

Hi dear @Erell,

My heart hurts for you! And for all of us…

This is crazy all this unknown suffering we are going through. It is almost unreal. And knowing it isn’t recognized by the medical community is absolutely frustrating!

I understand the doom and gloom, the hopelessness, the dark thoughts, the jealousy…

I know it is of little consolation, but I am thinking of you, I am sending you all my love and compassion.

I wish I could hug you and we would cry at loud all our grief, together…

You are the most courageous and resilient person I’ve ever heard of. 
Don’t forget, maybe we are alone with this, but here we are a community, we are all together on this path. We will get through, even if we don’t believe it sometimes.

 

Marie 🤗💜

 

 

2008-Today: various ADs, benzos and seroquel , initially for Anxiety Related Insomnia. (Absolutely no other mental issues than simple Insomnia!).

Numerous W/D and C/T of those meds. During those years, my GP diagnosed me with GAD, Depression, etc... It was all W/D related, I know now!

Fall of 2019, after too fast attempt to taper Mirtazapine, put myself in full blown W/D.
February 2020, found SA and staying on 45mg Mirtazapine, waiting for stabilization.

February 2021, I stupidly used some Ativan prn to cope with Mirtazapine W/D symptoms (By far worst mistake of all my life!!).

Became accidentally and rapidly addicted (within 2-3 weeks). Started taper immediately.

Actual medication: Mirtazapine: 40,0mg - holding-
Ativan Taper: Started at 0,29mg march 2021, 03-28 0.28mg/ 04-08 0.27mg/ 04-26 0.25mg/ (...) 10-29 0.18mg/ 04-05-22 0.17mg/ 08-25-22 0.16mg/ 09-15-22 0.15mg/ 10-22-22 0.14mg/…/ 01-12-2023 0.11mg /07-02-2024 switch to 1mg Valium /

14-02-2024 0,9mg Valium.

Supplements: Omega-3, Probiotic.

Link to comment

Dearest @Erell I am so sorry to hear how awful things have been.  I think for some of us our journeys don't fit into what others have experienced and this makes it even more frustrating for us.  However that doesn't mean we won't heal, it is just a different route. You are such a special person and I hate that you are going through this.  You are very much in my heart and thoughts. Sending you much much love, WR.

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

Link to comment
  • Mentor

Sending you transatlantic hugs, my friend.  It took me about three years to recover.  Just remember every day is a day closer to your recovery.  It will happen.

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

Link to comment

Hi Erell,

 

Thank you for your courage and honesty in writing your recent post about the ongoing difficulties of withdrawal.  I am pretty much where you are today and sometimes it is necessary to just tell the truth about the difficulties of withdrawal.  It is scary when one feels that scared i.e. of going insane and one feels frozen in dread with the added realisation hat psychiatry is not a safe place though currently the only place offered of refuge.  I hope that you have a window soon but thank you for telling the truth about how damn hard it can be and how one can wonder if one will ever feel at peace again.  I suppose all we can do in these moments/days is keep going.

 

Oaktree

Currently tapering Mirtazapine; previously tapered Cymbalta 30mg from June 2018-Feb 2019 and Seroquel 150mg to zero from Oct-December 2020.

Supplements for Hashimoto's disease and histamine issues relating to Mirtazapine:   Vitamin D3 1,000mcg, bio-identical HRT, Selenium, Quercetin, Lutein, Zinc, Vitamin C, Omega 3.

Mirtazapine Taper: 2021 16th Aug -  transitioned to liquid from tablet by dissolving two 15mg tablets into a solution of 15 ml water and 15 ml maple syrup on a starting dose of what I thought was 7.5ml; 17 Sept  - 7.31; 24 Sept  - 7.13; 15 Oct  - 6.95; 6 Nov  - 6.78; 21 Nov  - 6.61; 5 Dec  - 6.51;

2022 - 1 Jan 6.41; 1 Feb  - 6.1; 9 Mar -  5.8; 13 Mar - 5.9; 7 Apr - 5.8; 21 Apr - 5.7; 7 May - 5.63; 23 May - 5.55; 8 June 5.50;  (got COVID on 12th June so held); 1 July 5.4; 15 July 5.32; 8 Aug 5.2; 15 Aug 5.1; 22 Aug 5; 19 Sept 4.9; 2 Oct 4.81; 13 Oct 4.71; (COVID Booster 17/10/22 so longer hold ); 1 Nov 4.65; 3 Nov 4.60; 10 Nov 4.55; 13 Nov 4.50; 17 Nov 4.45; 20 Nov 4.40;  2 Dec 4.30mg; 9 Dec 4.20mg; I discovered that the volumetric container measured 33ml rather than 30ml in Dec 2022. Following helpful advice from moderator OnMyWay (see her  reply of the 5th March) discovered taper with the dilution was 3.8mg (calculated by dividing 30/33 so that every 1ml of solution has  0.90ml of Mirtazapine.  7.50 - 0.90= 6.6ml which was the starting dose on 16th Aug 2021 not 7.5ml).  I decided to keep using the solution as I didn't want more change to deal with than I had to.

2023 17 Mar 4.1(3.7); 26 Mar 4.0(3.6); 14 Apr 3.9(3.51)28 Apr 3.8(3.42); 6 Jun 3.7(3.33); 19 Jun 3.6(3.24); 30 Jun 3.5(3.1); 19 Jul 3.4(3.06); 27 Jul 3.35 (3.01); 29 Jul 3.3 (2.97); 4 Aug 3.25 (2.92); 7 Aug 3.2 (2.88); 21 Aug 3.1 (2.79); 14.09 3 (2.7); 29th Sept 2.9(2.61); 15 Oct 2.8(2.52); 30 Oct 10 2.7(2.43); 13 Nov 2.65(2.38); 20 Nov 2.6(2.34); 26 Nov 2.55(2.29); 10 Dec 2.5(2.25); 

2024 - 14 Jan 2.45(2.20); 22 Jan 2.40(2.16); 29 Jan 2.35(2.11); 2 Feb 2.3 (2.07);15 Feb 2.25(2.02); 22 Feb 2.21 (1.98); 29 Feb 2.17(1.95); 7 Mar 2.13(1.91); 21 Mar 2.05 (1.84);

 

This is not 'medical advice' - my 'non medical advice' is don't get any more 'medical advice' or you may end up getting more 'medical treatment' i.e more drugs, DSM labels and/or ECT.   Please do not PM me thanks.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you for your sweet thoughts and your compassion. I really needed that.
Thank you also @Oaktree1 for your words : sometimes you can't put on a brave face and just needs to be honest. Especially when you spend your day trying to hide your suffering so as not to worry others. Thank you community to offer a space to do that.
I decided to book an appointment with Baylissa Fredericks because I'm not coping well on my own these days and I reach a stage of great psychological fatigue. I need to talk orally to someone who understands these withdrawal phenomena. I don't want to give up, just need some help right now. I hope that my level of English will allow me to have a conversation 🤞

Take care dear people, will stop by your threads as soon as I feel I can ❤️ 

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus
On 10/24/2022 at 2:52 AM, Erell said:

 I wish someone who has recovered could hug me, for real, and let me cry all I have to cry

Oh Erell, I wish I could be there physically.  I would hug you, and let you cry and cry for as long as you needed to.  I'm sad that you are going through this hell.  I'm really ramping up my prayers for you.  Please hang in there.  Take things one hour at a time, or one minute at a time.  Remember that Altostrati eventually healed from Paxil, and you will heal from Paxil and Prozac.  I'm sending you thoughts and prayers of healing, wholeness, and strength to get through this.  

 

Perhaps you might consider doing a partial updose, like go back up to 6.16 mg of Prozac.  The 2.5% drop may have been too much for you at this time.  

 

I'm glad you booked an appointment with Baylissa.  We all need support and help from others, and the more pain we are dealing with, the more we need that.  Please let us know how it goes.  

 

 

 

Edited by getofflex

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

Link to comment

My heart hurts for you. I’m praying that you/we all find relief soon. 
Loving thoughts,

ninabird

PREVIOUS

2018 Ativan 1mg Oct-Jan (CT), 2019 Effexor 75mg, Klonopin .25mg, Trazadone 75mg, Bridge to Prozac (?dose), 2020 Taper off all, 2021 Zoloft (?dose), Jan-May (CT @ Hospital), Remeron (?dose) Trazadone 75mg, Propanolol (?dose), Klonopin .50mg, Buspar (?dose),

2021 Prozac (?dose), Trazadone 75mg, Klonopin 2 times a day, 2021 August fast taper Trazadone  Prozac fast taper in August. August Lexapro 10mg

2022 January  Lexapro to 25mg, February FT to 10mg Lexapro over 6 weeks, Klonopin .25mg 2 times a day, May Effexor 35mg, June bridge from Effexor to 30mg Cymbalta. Held on Lexapro until November.

supplements  2023  Jan Probiotics stopped taking after two weeks ADR April 1k Iu Vitamin D W/ K stopped after a few days ADR. March 50mg Mag glycinate stopped after a week ADR

January 2023added an additional .25 mg Klonopin (.25 mg three times a day)

CURRENT

1/23-Present Klonopin .75mg divided into .25mg 3 times a day. 6:30am, 12:00pm, 6:30pm 

1/23Present Lexapro .101 mgpw - 8.08 mgai 8:00am

1/23-Present Estradiol .50mg 8:00am

1/23-Present 30mg Cymbalta 12:30pm

6/23 to present Holding no changes 7/4 reduced Lexapro to 7.92mg 7/31 7.84mg 8/7 7.76mg 7/14 7.60mg 10/1 7.44mg 10/28 7.36mg 2/1 7.12mg 2/14 7.04mg 3/5/24 6.88mg 3/12 6.80mg

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Dear @Erell  It sounds like a good idea to talk with Baylissa.  Meanwhile I appreciate your sharing here because--as you can tell from the many who wish to support you--we all commiserate, and until we're healed, wonder whether we will recover from the torment caused by these drugs and the medical esbablishment behind them.  You will get through this.  I believe in the better days coming for you.  

Many hugs and whenever you need them 💜

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

Link to comment
On 9/18/2022 at 4:09 AM, Erell said:

Hello dear community, 

While holding my doses, the spike that started this august continues to grow and I can less and less function, I even had "shocks/zaps" in my brain yesterday, which hadn't happened since my prozac bridge. I feel like my state is deteriorating fast.

I keep in mind that I reported some improvements in July, but I am exhausted almost two and a half years into this, despite being careful with my tapering, and wondering if someone could help me: I remember reading about someone who had experienced his most brutal wave just before he recovered, but I can't find it. 
If you have such quotes or links in your "personal compilations", would you be willing to share them with me?
I know that every story is different, and it doesn't matter if this is what is happening to me, it's just that these kind of stories help me to get me through this strong storm.

Thankj you in advance ❤️ 

Take care ☀️

 

I'm so sorry.  Balissa would be a great help.  She is an angel.  I have no grand words of insight but want to send you love.   Tapering when you aren't stable is so hard.   Blessings.

Recent 2018 Zoloft 150mg  (20 years taking at various times, no real issues before stopping)

2019 Risperdal one month low dose (forget amount) stopped bad reaction

2019 Remeron 7.5 mg sleep  (discontinued in mid 2019) on for six months (tapered for a few weeks)

Zoloft 100 mg Summer 2020/Zoloft 75 mg Summer 2021

Zoloft 50 mg November 2021/ Zoloft 25 mg First two weeks January 2022: Reinstated 50 mgJanuary Last week)

Crash in February - on and off doses as doctors conflicted over serotonin syndrome/withdrawal - stopped all for two week & resumed:\

Other drugs tried in hospitals (Abilify, 1mg, 1 dose, Zyprexa 1 dose 1mg, Klonopin .25 4 doses in 2 hospitalizations)

March 1 titrated Zoloft up from 0 to 65 from February to Early May

Severe vision problems at 65 mg (improved depression)

Taper to 55 6/15, 45mg 7/15/ 35mg 8/1, 25mg 8/15, 10 mg, 8/31 OFF 9/2022 Omg  Improved with drops from August to September - November crash ONE dose Zoloft 3mg 11/17 - worsened symptoms - Remain off Zoloft

Mirtazapine -3.5 mg six weeks mid march to end april, occasionally for sleep

Supplements: Fish oil, magnesium, lions mane, cytokine suppress, MCT Oil

Link to comment
  • Mentor

My dear precious @Erell

There is nothing I can add to all the beautiful messages you have reached already from your supporters.

Still I wanted to drop by, and give you my support that has never gone away💕


I am so sorry dear that you are suffering, I just hate seeing people in pain. With that said…do you know how much I admire you and your resilience. What a unique and spectacular woman you are. Do you even know how much your strength is helping others? Well it is, and I wish you wouldn’t have to suffer because of it. Great influencers leave their mark, and you definitely have marked a stone of strength for me and most likely others💪

Please make sure that you take good care of you, with out thinking of others.


Thank you for being you and the beautiful soul that keeps on shining here.🥰

 

Edited by Hanna72

 


1999-2020  20 mg Paxil

Bridged with Fluoxetine to help me get off Paxil.

2022 Fluoxetine 15 mg 12/12 14mg 27/12  13mg jan 12mg feb 11mg mars 10mg, 9 mg 8,5 mg 7.6mg 7.0 mg 6,3 mg 5,6 mg 5,0 mg 4,5 mg 4,0 mg 3.6mg 3,2 mg 2,9 mg 2,6 mg 2,3 mg 2,0 mg

 


I am not a medical professional nor is this a medical advice. I only talk from my own experience.

Link to comment

Maybe join Baylissa's community for more regular support  - its 50 bucks a month but you get weekly live participant webinars.  It also is WAY less symptom focused than S.A.   There are success stories there too which she is just updating - she has a ton of people in protracted withdrawa whom recovered.  She says everyone who takes care of themselves and sticks with it has gone on to recovery..  Baylissa had her worst wave ever before she healed.   And, she had extreme symptoms.  She also reinstated I think like three times and she still got better. If that helps at all.....I'm only seven weeks off my drug after a failed reinstatement and too fast taper, so I get it.  I know.  Hugs and love and light to you

 

https://compassionfocusedhealing.com/feed

Recent 2018 Zoloft 150mg  (20 years taking at various times, no real issues before stopping)

2019 Risperdal one month low dose (forget amount) stopped bad reaction

2019 Remeron 7.5 mg sleep  (discontinued in mid 2019) on for six months (tapered for a few weeks)

Zoloft 100 mg Summer 2020/Zoloft 75 mg Summer 2021

Zoloft 50 mg November 2021/ Zoloft 25 mg First two weeks January 2022: Reinstated 50 mgJanuary Last week)

Crash in February - on and off doses as doctors conflicted over serotonin syndrome/withdrawal - stopped all for two week & resumed:\

Other drugs tried in hospitals (Abilify, 1mg, 1 dose, Zyprexa 1 dose 1mg, Klonopin .25 4 doses in 2 hospitalizations)

March 1 titrated Zoloft up from 0 to 65 from February to Early May

Severe vision problems at 65 mg (improved depression)

Taper to 55 6/15, 45mg 7/15/ 35mg 8/1, 25mg 8/15, 10 mg, 8/31 OFF 9/2022 Omg  Improved with drops from August to September - November crash ONE dose Zoloft 3mg 11/17 - worsened symptoms - Remain off Zoloft

Mirtazapine -3.5 mg six weeks mid march to end april, occasionally for sleep

Supplements: Fish oil, magnesium, lions mane, cytokine suppress, MCT Oil

Link to comment
  • Moderator

Two of my favorite success stories are Coldturkmama and aberdeen. Coldturkmama Cted paxil at the same time I started to taper paxil, comparing the two experiences is quite eye opening, but the point is she did eventually recover and is doing quite well. At the same time aberdeen Cted Effexor and replaced it with paxil. She replaced a bad drug with one that was just as bad, that didn't cover up the Effexor WD. We were taper buddies, and still keep in contact. She is doing very well now, but it took a long time. Both of their stories give a good example of the timeline that the WD follows in such cases.

 

Keep doing everything you can to keep you spirits up, and cry when you can. I found the shower to be a good place for a quick sob.

 

(((((((((((((((((MONKEY HUGS)))))))))))))))

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello, 
I don't have the heart to make an update (thank you so much for your support <3), but I wanted to use my thread to share two pieces of information I saw recently: 

 

1. See: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/28189-take-part-in-a-study-about-tapering/

As part of the PROTECT (Priorities for Future Research on Reducing and Stopping Psychiatric Medicines) study, Trinity College Dublin is launching a large online survey open to people (aged 18+) who have experienced taking/stopping psychotropic medication, family members and health professionals.
This study aims to identify priority areas for future research on the reduction and cessation of psychotropic drugs.
As part of this, the online survey asks you to submit three questions about withdrawal that you would like research to address.
Information on Trinity College Dublin's psychotropic drug withdrawal research projects: https://tapersafer.org/

 

 

2. See: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/28190-friday-nov-11-2022-video-chat-with-brooke-siem-paws-survivor/

Altostrata : « Hello, everyone! Join me Friday, November 11, 2022 for a live video chat with Brooke Siem, author of May Cause Side Effects, the first memoir on antidepressant withdrawal to hit the mass-market.  

 

We'll talk about Brooke's vividly observed experience through a year of withdrawal syndrome, what withdrawal feels like, and the survival skills we both had to learn in our journeys to get here today. Q & A from viewers will follow.

 

Brooke has been interviewed by numerous media outlets. She will also discuss the public's response to this milestone in the effort to bring global awareness to this common pitfall of antidepressant treatment.

 

Join our video chat Friday, November 11 

11 a.m. PST/2 p.m. EST »

 

Take care dear community (and a massive thank you to to all those who are trying to bring these issues to the attention of the public and the scientific community) ☀️

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Because sometimes all you need to keep going during the day is a bit of sunshine, here is a beautiful Success Story, which warmed my heart today and reminded me that every journey has a unique timeline, and which is not in the Success Stories: 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/7535-☼-imac-protracted-wd-survivor/

 

 

Also see

On 6/21/2020 at 5:50 AM, ChessieCat said:

In the Introductions Forum members who are in the process of recovering are given a sun symbol ☼.

 

To find them use Google and copy and paste the following search term:

 

site:survivingantidepressants.org &#9788;

 

 

❤️ 

 

 

 

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

Link to comment

@Erell I'm stopping by to offer you my support and send you love and healing. I think it's great you're taking online classes despite going through this ordeal. I firmly believe that whatever you take a step towards (whether it be healing, your future, etc.) it will in turn take a big step towards you. Hang in there, each day you continue to move forward despite the symptoms and the fear is one step closer to being fully healed. I know it doesn't always make sense and it can feel and seem hopeless at times, but trust that it is happening. You are going to heal ❤️

Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you @Mia1, I particularly appreciate the reminder that even when we feel stuck or like we are treading water, or even going backwards, we are taking steps forward, whether we are aware of it or not, even if it is only by having the desire to move forward. ❤️

 

On 10/31/2022 at 10:53 PM, Hanna72 said:

Do you even know how much your strength is helping others?

Honestly, strength is not the word I would use to describe my situation for the moment, but I like the idea that our journeys are not in vain and can bring comfort to others. :) Your light is also a great helper, and I thank you for being here, it's always so good to hear from you! ❤️ 

 

On 11/2/2022 at 8:40 PM, brassmonkey said:

Keep doing everything you can to keep you spirits up, and cry when you can. I found the shower to be a good place for a quick sob.

 

On 10/25/2022 at 3:11 PM, getofflex said:

I'm glad you booked an appointment with Baylissa.  We all need support and help from others, and the more pain we are dealing with, the more we need that.  Please let us know how it goes.  

Well, the meeting with Baylissa was an opportunity to put your advice into practice, Brassmonkey: all I did was cry.
It took me by surprise: I am careful not to show people how hard it is, so I am careful not to cry. But then, all the dams broke and I couldn't do anything about it ;)

She was very kind and patient, and I probably needed to release that pressure. 

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

Link to comment
  • Moderator

When I was in the thick of it, things would build up like an emotional spiral. every six to eight weeks I would have a "breakdown" and let it all out. First ones would last for hours, but they slowly got shorter and shorter and more predictable, so I could see them coming. I would feel very drained for several days after and then always felt much better for having done it. I think it is very important to have such cathartic moments to help equalize one's emotions and let out the built-up tension. Having a supportive shoulder at the time can be quite helpful, but even by one's self it can be a really good thing. I'm so glad you were able to get some release.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I know my last few posts are not very positive, but I am going through a very difficult time and I feel the need to share it. 

I can't believe I was able to start to listen to some music or try to apply for remote jobs in June/July as my condition has deteriorated since August.
I'm trying to keep in mind that it's been real, but I'm going through one of the hardest times since the beginning of this journey.

And what makes it particularly hard is that as the weeks go by, it gets worse. And I can't use my usual tools. For example, walking, even a short, slow walk outside seems to activate my nervous system and everything is too much, the light, the noise, I'm out of breath all the time. Swallowing, eating is difficult because my muscles don't seem to work intuitively, and I wake up at night because I swallow my saliva wrong. Or I wake up as soon as I fall asleep in a jolt of terror and grasping for air.

So here am, getting worse since August, without seeing the end of it and wondering how far the worsening can go. So it looks like I've been in a wave for 3 months, one of the hardest stages I've had to go through, and I look back and can only see that I'm worse off than I was 6 months ago. I'm getting less and less functionnal.

I try not to feed my fear by dreading the worst, and I bought Claire Weekes' book and Barry Mc Donagh's book (Dare) to work on my thoughts and acceptance.

 

But it is very hard, I must admit, especially in a constant state of fear. I'm not talking about anxiety now, but sheer terror, physiological terror. I'm trying to stay as calm as possible, but the sheer terror and the appearance of new symptoms or the worsening of old symptoms makes it hard to hang on.

 

Despite my efforts to try and hide my pain, my family noticed this downward spiral and insisted that I have blood checks, but everything is coming back "normal" (and I know that's a blessing).

 

How to hang on while getting worse the more time passes?
I'm back to taking it minute by minute.
 

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

Link to comment

Oh @Erell, I am so very sorry to hear what you've been enduring.

 

3 hours ago, Erell said:

strength is not the word I would use to describe my situation for the moment

I don't know what definition strength would have if it weren't you getting through what you are everyday.  You are so very strong and I know this strength will get you through to the other side of this awful awful wave.

 

2 hours ago, Erell said:

How to hang on while getting worse the more time passes?

You are doing it, brave Erell.  I listened to something Baylissa said recently that resonated.  It went something like "the process has to unfold in the exact way it is doing......this is your healing process". This helped me accept how I am feeling a bit more.....maybe it will help you a little as well.

 

Although I really wish you weren't going through any of this, I have no doubt you'll see the other side of this.  

 

I am thinking of you and sending you lots of love and hugs,

WR

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you deeply @wantrelief❤️

 

My brain first reaction, I'm ashamed to admit, was to say "No, they don't understand, this is worse than they can imagine, I'm in hell and nonfunctionnal at the moment. This level of terror and internal chaos can't be normal at 30months out."

 

But then I spent the night reflecting on your message. Yes, I'm back in hell and wonder every minute how to hang on. But, as you very wisely said, my body knows better than I do and is doing his job. As painful as it is, my brain is doing everything it can to reach homeostasis. And I have no control over the process, it has to be exactly as it is in order to reach recovery.

 

It doesn't make it less painful, but it definitely helped me to go through the night with more acceptance. Thank you immensely for sharing those words. ❤

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

Link to comment
  • Mentor

Oh dear @Erell

My heart breaks for you, and I get so angry over how much you have to suffer. 
 

On 11/12/2022 at 9:38 AM, Erell said:

No, they don't understand, this is worse than they can imagine, I'm in hell and nonfunctionnal at the moment

Oh but yes I do understand. I have been there, the difference is I was not closely as strong as you. I gave up, could not do it out of terror and fear. I thought I was loosing my mind.

I had to move in with my parents ( and I am almost 50 years old) because the terror was so overwhelming. I could not go outside or stay alone, and I am a very independent person to begin with. So I do understand.  
I felt my brain and body were living opposite lives, no connection which was so scary. 
I wish I had some wisdom or clever thing to say, but I don’t.

I just want you to be able to get better, so you can go on and live your life. That’s my biggest wish for you. 

Sending you a  big hug and best wishes, you are a special human being 💕

 


1999-2020  20 mg Paxil

Bridged with Fluoxetine to help me get off Paxil.

2022 Fluoxetine 15 mg 12/12 14mg 27/12  13mg jan 12mg feb 11mg mars 10mg, 9 mg 8,5 mg 7.6mg 7.0 mg 6,3 mg 5,6 mg 5,0 mg 4,5 mg 4,0 mg 3.6mg 3,2 mg 2,9 mg 2,6 mg 2,3 mg 2,0 mg

 


I am not a medical professional nor is this a medical advice. I only talk from my own experience.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Dear @Erell It truly is hell what we're going through.  Unbelievable, unimaginable, wracking torment.  I long for everyone to be free of this.  Thank you for sharing your journey.  I send you long distance hugs 🕊️

Arbor 💜

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

Link to comment

Hi @Erell, keep hanging on. I was in the depths of hell and felt like I was getting worse for about 2/2.5 years. After an 8 month hold, I am finally "stable". I just did a 1.5% drop and while it is early, I am still functioning.

 

I felt no hope. All I felt was despair and truly wished I would just die to make it all end (sounds dramatic, but this is beyond hard). I was tortured in my own body and no one around me knew what I was feeling. And now I want to live. I feel happiness again. I laughed so hard the other day I cried because I realized I hadn't laughed in almost three years.

 

It will get better. I promise. Hold on. ❤️ Xoxo

Medicated at age 7. Many med changes (over 20). Tapered off Xanax in 2018. 
 

PAXIL TAPER:  
2021: Feb. dropped from 20mg to 15mg Paxil. Terrible. Bedridden for 8 months.  Oct. - 14.6mg  Oct. 27 - 14.2 mg Nov. 14 - 14mg  Feb. 28 - 13.6mg March. 28 - 13.4mg April 5 - 13.4mg but introducing liquid (bad reaction)  2022:  November 14 - 13.2mg  2023:  January 4 - 13mg March 7 - 12.7mg April 20 - 12.4mg May 16 - 12.1mg Aug. 30 - 12mg Oct. 19 - switched from tablet to liquid from compounding pharmacy Nov. 12. 11.65mg Nov. 30 - 11.3mg Dec. 18 - 10.95 2024 Jan. 4 - 10.75 Feb. 10 - 10.4 Feb. 28 - 10MG!!!!!!

Link to comment
  • Mentor

My dear Erell

I have nothing more to offer than the wisdom others have shared and admiration for your perseverance.  But know I am always sending you positive thoughts.  And I hope you can take some strength knowing I and others who have recovered have been through what you're enduring.  Recovery is out there!

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

Link to comment

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy