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Erell: struggling with paroxetine


Erell

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Erell

 

1 hour ago, Erell said:

o I haven't, still scared of any change...You've insisted several times on this, so I will try tomorrow.

 

 

No, I have not insisted just suggested, you should not do anything you're uncomfortable with.

I understand you are scared of changing and we preach slow and steady.

Magnesium is a supplement we approve of

magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

If you increase to half recommended dose and feel worse you can revert following day, it is not like A/Ds or benzos.

Balance one possible day of feeling worse against possibilty of being better afterwards.

1 hour ago, Erell said:

 

It is really disturbing to experience such variations and fluctuations in the combination of symptoms. healing really is an unlinear process

If you were not experiencing them something would be really wrong.

 

1 hour ago, Erell said:

What I really need for now is hope, belief : I made several walks outside, tried to distract, went to the sea...it didn't work, but I keep trying ! I don't know if I'm doing enough : it is hard to know when to act and try, and when to accept.

 

You are doing enough, exercise is good, don't push too hard.

 

1 hour ago, Erell said:

However, you seem to think that changes are a good sign, so I want to believe it. I really want to feel in my body that the general direction is healing !

Trust me, i'm not a doctor👿

 

Sass

 

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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  • Moderator
2 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

Trust me, i'm not a doctor👿

 

Love your sense of humour!!!

 

I'll decide tomorrow if I take more magnesium ;)

 

Still trying to cope violent despair, but tips seem powerless when you're on WD. will keep trying !

 

Tank you for everything ! Feel less lonely :) 

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication : 6.92mg Prozac (~1% drop from 7mg on 23 June 2021)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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  • Moderator Emeritus

You know the drill.

Sleep well.

 

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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  • Moderator

Don't how true this is but I'm trying To tell myself : ok, these new symptoms mean that my CNS is actually working on new other fields, that work has  To be done, then it Will be ok.

 

Sleep Well Sass.

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication : 6.92mg Prozac (~1% drop from 7mg on 23 June 2021)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post
  • Mentor
5 hours ago, Erell said:

Don't how true this is but I'm trying To tell myself : ok, these new symptoms mean that my CNS is actually working on new other fields, that work has  To be done, then it Will be ok.

 

Sleep Well Sass.

 

Yep! That’s what I tell myself! You got this! Everyday that passes is one day closer to being healed!! 

I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

2021 - Feb. 12 - 24 months off paroxetine. I have minor challenges now. Tinnitus/Headaches are still around but are reduced by a massive amount. 

 

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  • Moderator

Good morning!

 

Diary Sunday 6th October / day 12 on 10mg / day 6 with magnésium 

 

6am: woke up anxious (7)

7am anxiety (7) / despair  (7)

8am : 10mg Paroxetine. felt really tired.

9am woke up from a "toxic nap : bad dream in which I was desperate. I expérience derealization. 

Anxiety : 7 . Despair  : 7

9.30 am feeling so bad,  I tried legs up on the wall but it doesn't seem like it had an effect. 

10 am : anxiety: 7 / despair: 8 / restlessness: 7 -> I go To the beach.

12 back home. Feel disconnected.  Hopelessness, and like if I wasn't able To Feel anything but despair. Anhedonia?

12.30 : anxianxiety  : 5 / despair  : 7

1pm despair  : 8

2pm anxiety : 6 / despair  : 7

4pm despair  : 8. Would like To crybut can't. I try To change the Channel, but nothing distract me. 

7pm anxiety : 5 / despair  : 7

8 pm go To bed. Anxiety: 7 / despair  : 8

9pm anxiety: 7 / despair  : 5.

10.20 pm anxiety: 4 / despair  : 5....appreciate the relief !

11pm lights off. Think I fall asleep around 11.30pm 

00.40 woke up anxious  (7). Think I fell asleep half an hour later.

3.20 am woke up with tinnitus and anxiety (7). Think I fell asleep half an hour later. 

7.15am woke up anxious (7). First thing this morning  : another day in this nightmare...

Feel like my jaws are contracted. + pain in the legs, like if I had run a marathon .

 

 

---》 definitely,  no nap for me : it rreally felt like if it worsen my state, most of all in terms of derealization. 

--》 anxiety and despair are definitely my evil twins...should give them a name!

 

 

+ don't how you deal with all these repeated desperate thoughts Sass, please take care of your mood.

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication : 6.92mg Prozac (~1% drop from 7mg on 23 June 2021)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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  • Moderator

@Cocopuffz17 : thank you for your support  😍 i read your thread everyday, it helps me!

 

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication : 6.92mg Prozac (~1% drop from 7mg on 23 June 2021)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Good morning.

Changes are good and you are experiencing them quickly.

Look after you and you will be fine.

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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  • Moderator

Thank you Sass  :)

 

You really think that I'm experiencing changes quickly? To me it is more like everyday is the same nightmare.  But it is Nice To have another point of view. 

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication : 6.92mg Prozac (~1% drop from 7mg on 23 June 2021)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Same nightmare, different actors 😙

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

Link to post
  • Moderator

Like a discount Hollywood casting!

 

To me it looks like the same actors are playing everyday, anxiety and despair. I'm gonna reread my diaries To see the changes ;)

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication : 6.92mg Prozac (~1% drop from 7mg on 23 June 2021)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post
  • Mentor
1 hour ago, Erell said:

@Cocopuffz17 : thank you for your support  😍 i read your thread everyday, it helps me!

 

👍, you are welcome: I know how awful battling it out with these drugs are. We all need each other. It helps so much. Everyday that passes is another day closer to being healed! 

I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

2021 - Feb. 12 - 24 months off paroxetine. I have minor challenges now. Tinnitus/Headaches are still around but are reduced by a massive amount. 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you for the help with Vega.

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

Link to post
  • Moderator

As I Said, I reread my diaries. Don't Feel like you need To answer To this post. I do it because I need To and because I Feel the need To share it 🙃

So this is my day 13 on 10mg Paroxetine and no suppléments except for magnésium citrate. There are some improvments on symptoms that happened before I started To post here (I took a few notes during September)

 

List of improvments  :

- I live without vertigos 

- far less burn feelings in my body, same for tingling. No more problems with equilibrium.

- no more nauseas 

- appetite came back (it dépends : yesterday I haven't been able To eat, except for bananas).

- I can live out of my bed!

- far less tremors

- I can go out even with anxiety!!!!!!

- I can see the sea!!!

- i've been able To wash myself

- i've been able To clean my flat 

- terror disappear !!!!!!!! 😍

- I'm able To read! Not always easy To concentrate 

- i've been able To cry,  and I really needed it.

 

 

List of changes and improvments I strongly expect (but have To be patient...)

 

these past few days I experienced strong despair. This is not an easy symptom To cope. I try many tools : walks outside, sudoku, YouTube silly vidéos, gratitude list...but it feels like this neuroemotion is stronger than me.

- I also expérienced the feeling of Being strongly disconnected, stranger in a world I can't relate To. Like living in a dream. This is also a hard symptom To cope. Same thing with what may have been anhedonia. 

- my sleep is not as good as it was in Septembre  : even when I was strongly anxious, I was able To sleep 8hours without waking up during the night. 

Cortisol Spikes are new To me. 

- I Feel like I would need To be with others, but it also makes me very anxious. Seems easier To cope alone. But also Feel very lonely..Don't know how To manage it.

- tinnitus is new too. I don't have it all day. 

- my legs are painfull, like if I had run a marathon. But I'm not worried about it.

- can't take naps even when I Feel like I need it. 

 

 

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication : 6.92mg Prozac (~1% drop from 7mg on 23 June 2021)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post
  • Moderator
15 hours ago, mustafa said:

Hi erell, I make sense to that statement. Likee when started rapid taper, it was like your brain turned to a blocks. No any neurosmitter work and can't give your opinion or think almost at all. I don't know exactly what you suffer from. But for this, it is ok. Your neurosmitter will start to connect and work for you again.

Don't be scared about that. If you think into your self that you are ok to withstand and resist, keep going.

I hope to be talking in the goal.

I hope you get well soon❤️

Oh mustafa, don't know how but I missed your post!

Thank you so much !

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication : 6.92mg Prozac (~1% drop from 7mg on 23 June 2021)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post
  • Mentor
52 minutes ago, Erell said:

As I Said, I reread my diaries. Don't Feel like you need To answer To this post. I do it because I need To and because I Feel the need To share it 🙃

So this is my day 13 on 10mg Paroxetine and no suppléments except for magnésium citrate. There are some improvments on symptoms that happened before I started To post here (I took a few notes during September)

 

List of improvments  :

- I live without vertigos 

- far less burn feelings in my body, same for tingling. No more problems with equilibrium.

- no more nauseas 

- appetite came back (it dépends : yesterday I haven't been able To eat, except for bananas).

- I can live out of my bed!

- far less tremors

- I can go out even with anxiety!!!!!!

- I can see the sea!!!

- i've been able To wash myself

- i've been able To clean my flat 

- terror disappear !!!!!!!! 😍

- I'm able To read! Not always easy To concentrate 

- i've been able To cry,  and I really needed it.

 

 

That is so great! Crying, such a great emotion! It’s one of the measurements I use for knowing I am healing.... I literally was unable to cry while on the medication. (3 times in the last 11 years) Now I can feel this emotion for happy and sad occasions and it is amazing. 

I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

2021 - Feb. 12 - 24 months off paroxetine. I have minor challenges now. Tinnitus/Headaches are still around but are reduced by a massive amount. 

 

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2 hours ago, Erell said:

Oh mustafa, don't know how but I missed your post!

Thank you so much !

never mind Erell,

iam so happy to know that you had a list of improvments. this makes me feel hopeful. keep going despite despair. 

some foods that improved despair for me are: all types of nuts ,Pistachio,  Almond , Peanuts,...etc ; I find them great for mode improvement, and make me ok to practise sport so have some of them/day.

have a good day.

i wasn't on a certain drug all the period. i took many drugs many times and for no very long period but to simplify.

--fluvoxamine maleate100 mg + amisulpride 200mg------started july 2012 and total taper in february 2015 ( 9 months without drugs then)

--sertraline 100mg -------started november 2015 and total taper (withoud reduction slowly) in november 2016( 4 months withoud drugs then).

--sertraline 100mg + quetiabine 25mg ( started in mars 2016 and for 7 months) then fluvoxamine maleate 100mg again for another 7months and after that a something like to use every drug for 14 days and for about 1.5 years.

--my last drug was trintellix 10 mg ( used it in 12/2018and total taper in 4/2019).

symptomts i have now ( bad concentration and problems in short and long memory+ bad depersonalization).

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  • Moderator Emeritus
3 hours ago, Erell said:

even when I was strongly anxious, I was able To sleep 8hours without waking up during the night. 

Cortisol Spikes are new To me. 

You see the changes now?

Is your bedroom completely dark with either thick or blackout curtains, if not a sleep mask may help?

 

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

Link to post
  • Moderator

Hi Sass 

No I didn't see improvments with m'y sleep. My room is in complete darkness.

 

Can't stop crying right now, I don't know how To find hope.

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication : 6.92mg Prozac (~1% drop from 7mg on 23 June 2021)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post

I think an you Erell, you will find hope ! 

 

Je crois en toi ! :)

 

Vega.

 

2018 : 29 July xanax 0,125x 2 12 Aug 0,25 x 2  28 Aug clotiazépam 5x2 4 Oct Prazepam : 5-5-7,5 to 3,5-3,5-6,5 25 oct 10x3 21 nov 9,5 x3/ Now Taper 2% / 21days = 19 may 2019 7,32x3/ Now 5%/8 days =10 july 5,145 x3 /Now 2% / 21 days = 27 sept 4,75x3/ Now 1%/21 days = nov 4,70 x3 dec 4,65x3 jan 2020 4,60x3 feb 4,50x3 march 4,45x3 april 4,385x3 may 4,32x3 

 

2018 : 29 Aug Venlafaxine 75mg XR 19 sept 37,5mg 4 oct 75mg18 oct bridge sertraline 1 nov Sertraline 50mg slow taper until mi April 2019= 25mg

15 July Escitalopram 5mg 20 Ju 4mg 22 Ju 3,25mg 23 ju 2,5mg  25 ju 2,25mg 8 Aug 2 mg 16 Aug 1,75mg 20 Aug 1,50mg 12 sept 1,25mg 24 sept 1,38mg 28 sept 1,50mg 8 Jan 1, 60mg

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47 minutes ago, Erell said:

Hi Sass 

No I didn't see improvments with m'y sleep. My room is in complete darkness.

 

Can't stop crying right now, I don't know how To find hope.

crying is a good sign you are getting ok.

we are all like you, you arent alone.

even if it is linear, improvement is taking place and soon you will sleep well.

 

i wasn't on a certain drug all the period. i took many drugs many times and for no very long period but to simplify.

--fluvoxamine maleate100 mg + amisulpride 200mg------started july 2012 and total taper in february 2015 ( 9 months without drugs then)

--sertraline 100mg -------started november 2015 and total taper (withoud reduction slowly) in november 2016( 4 months withoud drugs then).

--sertraline 100mg + quetiabine 25mg ( started in mars 2016 and for 7 months) then fluvoxamine maleate 100mg again for another 7months and after that a something like to use every drug for 14 days and for about 1.5 years.

--my last drug was trintellix 10 mg ( used it in 12/2018and total taper in 4/2019).

symptomts i have now ( bad concentration and problems in short and long memory+ bad depersonalization).

Link to post

Hello Erell,

 

I was thinking of you yesterday afternoon and wonder how you have decided with work and where to live for a while.

 

You are making terrific progress!!! :) 

 

Anxiety and despair are flip sides of the same coin.

 

I had the aching legs - feel like you ran a marathon - on Friday (I think Friday).Good way to put it.  ;)

 

 

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  • Moderator
4 minutes ago, Guilietta said:

 

You are making terrific progress!!! :) 

Do you really think so?

I'm feeling now like I'm stuck in doubts, believing my condition is worse and going To be be worse, and that I Will never Feel better. Unable To imagine à better future.

 

Thank you @mustafa for thinking I'm getting ok

I try hard To believe it.

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication : 6.92mg Prozac (~1% drop from 7mg on 23 June 2021)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post

Hi Erell

How are you today?

I see you're fighting with anxiety,I'm fighting with depression.I don't know which one is worst🤔.On peut pleurer ensemble si tu veux😂

Es-tu retournée vivre chez tes parents ?

Je connais aussi cette situation.They can't understand what you are living.

We can talk about it if you want.

Quelles cochonneries ces merdes entre deroxat et effexor,je me demande quel est le pire!!??

Allez courage,stay strong!!

Take Care.

French Girl.

Effexor(venlafaxine)started end of 2009, various doses.

Clonazepam drops 2010/2011.Effexor

2014:150mg.Nov 2014:50mg crash.:RI Effexor 75mg.Dec14 :updosed to150 mg then decreased to 112.5mg.Benzos.Prazepam on low dose.

Feb 2015:Updosed Effexor To 150mg.Tapered prazepam many months and went off.

2018:Effexor 150 mg.Taper alterning doses 150 mg/112.5 mg.Some beads out from 1 caps of 75 mg + one 75 mg.Effexor RI at 150mg July +3 drops clonazepam.

Dec 2018 in Clinic Effexor updosed to187.5 mg.2 drops clonazepam then 1.

Jan 19.less than 1 drop clonazepam.Updosed To 1.5 drop In June.Since July slowly decreasing To 1.15 drop.

Mid Feb 2019: effexor 187.5mg decreased To 150mg.

Late March 2019,Effexor 150mg decreased To 112.5mg.Holding dose til now.

At night escholtzia+passionflower.

 

 

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  • Moderator

Hi Frenchiegirl! 

 

Today has been and is a really rough day : not in terms of anxiety but in terms of dépression. Lot of crying spells and lot of High Spikes of despair. 

Believe me no one is better than the other ;)

 

I didn't come back To live with my parents  : I cry a lot, and know that it Will desperate them. I can't bear their anxiety for now!

 

You live on your own?

I admire you for Being able To work!!!

 

I would be very happy To talk with you! 😙

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication : 6.92mg Prozac (~1% drop from 7mg on 23 June 2021)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post
  • Moderator

Quick update of my day :

 

--》 strong despair all day, with crying spells. Crying was painful but also brought some relief To finally be able To.

---》 Today I increased magnesium citrate To one third of a spoon. I wonder : dont know if magnésium increased my despair feelings or If it allowed me To cry. 

---》 sadly the sea did'nt Bring relief Today.

--》 I experienced many doubts Today  : Will I ever Feel better? Will I be strong enough To go through this? What if things get worse?

 

Well what a strong wave my friends! I have to learn surfing :)

 

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication : 6.92mg Prozac (~1% drop from 7mg on 23 June 2021)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post

Hi Erell 

I don't live from my own,i live in the house with my mother,i 'd say fortunately,it's helps.I'd say that working helps me,and forces me To go out the house and see other people.

When you want for having a talk.

Feel free To send me a MP if you want.

Warm wishes.😙

FG.

Effexor(venlafaxine)started end of 2009, various doses.

Clonazepam drops 2010/2011.Effexor

2014:150mg.Nov 2014:50mg crash.:RI Effexor 75mg.Dec14 :updosed to150 mg then decreased to 112.5mg.Benzos.Prazepam on low dose.

Feb 2015:Updosed Effexor To 150mg.Tapered prazepam many months and went off.

2018:Effexor 150 mg.Taper alterning doses 150 mg/112.5 mg.Some beads out from 1 caps of 75 mg + one 75 mg.Effexor RI at 150mg July +3 drops clonazepam.

Dec 2018 in Clinic Effexor updosed to187.5 mg.2 drops clonazepam then 1.

Jan 19.less than 1 drop clonazepam.Updosed To 1.5 drop In June.Since July slowly decreasing To 1.15 drop.

Mid Feb 2019: effexor 187.5mg decreased To 150mg.

Late March 2019,Effexor 150mg decreased To 112.5mg.Holding dose til now.

At night escholtzia+passionflower.

 

 

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus
10 hours ago, Erell said:

ist of improvments  :

- I live without vertigos 

- far less burn feelings in my body, same for tingling. No more problems with equilibrium.

- no more nauseas 

- appetite came back (it dépends : yesterday I haven't been able To eat, except for bananas).

- I can live out of my bed!

- far less tremors

- I can go out even with anxiety!!!!!!

- I can see the sea!!!

- i've been able To wash myself

- i've been able To clean my flat 

- terror disappear !!!!!!!! 😍

- I'm able To read! Not always easy To concentrate 

- i've been able To cry,  and I really needed it.

Hi Erell

This good, this is positive.

tell me if you sleep better tonight please.

Sorry short on time now.

Dormez bien.

 

Sass

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

Link to post
1 hour ago, Erell said:

I experienced many doubts Today  : Will I ever Feel better? Will I be strong enough To go through this? What if things get worse?

Yes you will feel better.

Yes you can and will do this. You are strong.

Things will turnaround. Be patient. 😊 As mustafa said - healing isn't linear. You feel better and 'move forward' - and then you have more symptoms so it seems you are going backward. 🤔 

 

28 minutes ago, Frenchgirl said:

i live in the house with my mother,i 'd say fortunately,it's helps.I'd say that working helps me,and forces me To go out the house and see other people.

 

@Frenchgirl is right. Working is helpful - a part-time job might be an option for you? Living with my family has helped me too.

 

🤗 Big hugs.

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  • Moderator

Hi Sass 

Don't be sorry, I assume it means you're having an active life..its good To read that some of us are :)

 

Evening outside : I have To be prescribed days off work To give To my boss. Unfortunately there's no doctor who can receive me before next week

So I'm in a place where you can see a doctor on evenings without appointments. But there is around 10persons before me...have To be patient, again ;)

 

I Will tell you tomorrow how I sleep tonight. But do you particulary highlight this point? It is a bad sign ?

 

Take care of you dear Sass, looking forward To talk about bonny Scotland with you 😊

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication : 6.92mg Prozac (~1% drop from 7mg on 23 June 2021)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post
  • Moderator

@Frenchgirl and @Guilietta : yes I agree, a  job might help To distract. 

I think it is too soon for me : the violency of my despair makes me cry everywhere (even at grocery Today...). And I still expérience High Spike of anxiety when I'm too far from my flat..my job implies To be on the road, lead meetings, leading teams....

 

I can't imagine myself leading anything right now  😄 

 

I hear what you both say about living with family : as soon as I Feel few improvments I think I'll go spend some days with them :)

 

 

thank you both, need so much hugs and hope these days 😙

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication : 6.92mg Prozac (~1% drop from 7mg on 23 June 2021)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus
19 minutes ago, Erell said:

It is a bad sign ?

No but if it working it should calm you and help sleep.

 

20 minutes ago, Erell said:

 

Take care of you dear Sass, looking forward To talk about bonny Scotland with you

I look forward to that too, but

21 minutes ago, Erell said:

Don't be sorry, I assume it means you're having an active life..its good To read that some of us are

It means it so busy on here and I am stuck in front of a computer😩

 

Sleep tight

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

Link to post
  • Moderator
1 minute ago, Sassenach said:

No but if it working it should calm you and help sleep.

You mean that the holding on 10mg is not  working ????

 

2 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

 

I look forward to that too, but

It means it so busy on here and I am stuck in front of a computer😩

 

Oh ! And I Continue To ask you questions! How many mods are they? Let's hope for an incredible window for everybody which could leave all mods quiet  😇

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication : 6.92mg Prozac (~1% drop from 7mg on 23 June 2021)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Link to post
3 hours ago, Erell said:

I think it is too soon for me : the violency of my despair makes me cry everywhere (even at grocery Today...). And I still expérience High Spike of anxiety when I'm too far from my flat..

 

Hello dear Erell,

 

The phobia / anxiety about leaving your flat is unnerving (no pun intended ;) ).  I find I do better if I have a fixed desgination, purpose - know who I am going to see, when, etc. I minimize the 'risk' / anxiety by planning my trip. After my first CT - I was house bound for a while and I did have a lot of panic. I did not know what on earth happened to me - and why couldn't I drive 10 minutes to the grocery store? On those days I could not have driven to work. I understand. 

 

I worked part-time from home for 2 years - it was just 8-10 hours a week and hours were flexible so if I wasn't feeling well I could work other hours. Is there something like that which you could do? Even if it is a job that doesn't have the challenge of your leadership/travel job - it give you some structure and distration.  I found the hours I worked I looked forward to. I focused on only my work and I got a modest pay check, too. 😊

 

3 hours ago, Erell said:

I can't imagine myself leading anything right now

 

I can't lead anything at my best. 😂

 

When you are feeling better - I hope you visit your parents. I needed my family. Even when I felt really bad - and I didn't want others to see me - I just went into my room, closed the door, watched TV, took a nap, or like you cried. :)

 

It is nice to have a friend in France.

 

Sleep well,

 

Giuilietta

 

Edited by Guilietta
System posted message without last paragraph and lines.
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Hello @Erell, you are in the right place. Many of us are feeling the fear, but others are further along able to offer hope and suggestions on a physical, practical, psychological and spiritual plane.

When I feel fear I read over and over and over the Success Stories. Also listen to the “let’s talk withdrawal” podcasts of others who have come out the other side of this.

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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  • Moderator
10 hours ago, Erell said:

You mean that the holding on 10mg is not  working ????

@Sassenach : I panicked..But now I understand your were talking about magnesium  😳

 

Diary Monday 7th October / day 13 on 10mg Paroxetine / day 7 with magnésium  (increased this day)

 

7.15am : woke up anxious (7) 

8am : 10mg Paroxetine 

9.30am Spike of despair (8).

10am : felt really tired, but don't want To take a 'toxic nap

10.30 am Spike of despair (8) : want To crybut can't. 

11.30 am short walk outside. Anxiety (6) / despair (7)

12.20 Spike of despair (9). Quick suicidal thought. Crying.

1pm : internal tremors

1.20pm : Spike of despair (9). Can't stop Crying. Not suicidal but don't know how I Will be able To get through this. Full of doubts. 

This Spike is going To last 1hour.

2.30pm : went outside To walk.

3.30pm back home. Anxiety : 5 / despair: 7

4pm restlessness in legs and arms

4.20pm : Spike of despair, crying

5pm anxiety : 5 / despair  : 7

5.30pm internal tremors during an hour

7pm : headache. Anxiety  : 5 / despair:6

8pm To 9pm : in the waiting room To see a doctor To be off work 

9.30pm : in bed. Headache. Anxiety: 4 / despair: 5

10.30pm lights of

 

This night I Feel like I slept better. Fell asleep around 11pm and woke up anxious at 4 am. Managed To fell asleep again and woke up at 6am feeling totally awake. Anxiety was at 6.

 

Now feeling some pain in all my muscles like if all my body had run a marathon. But it is totally tolerable. 

I also Feel bellypain : I'll see Today if it lasts, could be related To magnesium. 

 

 

Sorry, maybe my diaries are too long. I'll try To make them shorter!

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication : 6.92mg Prozac (~1% drop from 7mg on 23 June 2021)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

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