Patientflower: antidepressants, hair loss, withdrawal

[Patientflower]

Hello!

 

I'm Patientflower. 27, female, yoga enthusiast, amateur artist, 2 dogs, was gainfully employed until 2 months ago when I stopped Lexapro cold turkey and had a nervous breakdown at work.  Now going through withdrawals, "windows and waves"

 

History:

 

Throughout my adult life my biggest struggle is INSOMNIA. Most people don't believe me when I say I get 3-4 hrs of sleep on work nights, but I have my Fitbit data to back me up. Tried several sedatives and either they didn't work or made me too sedated to function the next day. I wrecked my car after a night of no sleep despite taking Ambien so I don't mess around with any sleep meds.

 

My parents put me on Prozac at age 17. I wish they wouldn't have, as my only mood issues were normal teenage stuff- anxieties about grades and boys. It worked like a charm though to shut off most of my emotions. I was mostly fine through college and functioned well.

 

Stayed on Prozac until 23 when it didn't seem to be working anymore when I started working full time in advertising/PR.  Started/stopped/started/tweaked Lexapro numerous times starting at age 23. Weirdly enough, a side effect of this was that I lost most of my hair due to the shock to my body (telogen effluvium.) Every time I tried to stop Lexapro from age 23-27 my depression and anxiety would "resurface" according to my doctor, I'd lose a ton of hair, and I'd go back on it. Everytime I changed doses or stopped it I'd lose handfuls of hair (about 50 percent of my remaining density)  It wasn't until years of this that my dermatologist connected the dots and determined this as the cause for my hair loss after ruling out everything else possible.

 

At age 27, I experienced the worst job stress of my life. (And also a mostly bald head.) At the time I was sleeping 3-4 hours a night on work nights. I was on the Lexapro but still in a terrible place despite therapy, nutrition, exercise. The doctor added Rexulti to make the Lexapro work better, Remeron to make me sleep, and Adderall to help me perform better at my stressful job. I took them all out of desperation. Nothing seemed to get better, although the Adderall helped me get more and more work done. Eventually I stopped eating or sleeping entirely though so I stopped the Adderall, with some slight depressive withdrawal symptoms, and then stopped the Rexulti and Remeron with no issues.

 

The Lexapro was an entirely different ball game. After figuring out that it's been the cause of my hairloss and hasn't benefited me mentally, I wanted off of it, fast. I didn't know about tapering and when I stopped it I had a mental breakdown at work. I was signed off for a couple weeks on FMLA.

 

Since I've been on antidepressants or tampering with the dosages, I feel my brain has never had a chance to normalize since 17. 17 is a pivital time for brain development. 

 worry the damage is permanent. I'm on day 59 of no Lexapro and having a very bad time. 

 

I'm here to join the forum and get some hope that things will get better! I don't know if anyone here is like me (chronically started and stopped antidepressants numerous times and messed up their brain chemistry.)

 

Wishing love and healing to everyone,

Patientflower

 

[Sassenach]

Hello     Patientflower  and welcome to SA.

 

This site is run entirely by volunteer Administrators and Moderators, all have been through or going through withdrawal.

There are no commercial interests or influences  involved .

 

I am sorry you are having such a rough time but you are now in the right place.

 

Your story is unfortunately only too common on this site.

Unfortunately doctors and psychs know very little about A/D W/D (antidepressant withdrawal ).

When the patient does not respond as expected their answer is to pile on more meds to mitigate the symptoms.

This is entirely the wrong thing to do.

On 9/25/2019 at 11:10 PM, Patientflower said:

I don't know if anyone here is like me (chronically started and stopped antidepressants numerous times and messed up their brain chemistry.)

Most members on here are only too familiar with your situation and the symptoms that led us here.

On 9/25/2019 at 11:10 PM, Patientflower said:

 worry the damage is permanent.

Our brains have an amazing capacity to heal, unfortunately it can be a long process.

 

On 9/25/2019 at 11:10 PM, Patientflower said:

The doctor added Rexulti to make the Lexapro work better, Remeron to make me sleep, and Adderall to help me perform better at my stressful job. I took them all out of desperation. Nothing seemed to get better, although the Adderall helped me get more and more work done. Eventually I stopped eating or sleeping entirely though so I stopped the Adderall, with some slight depressive withdrawal symptoms, and then stopped the Rexulti and Remeron with no issues.

When did you stop these?

What are your current symptoms?

 

You are experiencing withdrawal from the Lexapro and possibly the other meds.

The only known way to mitigate withdrawal symptoms is reinstatement of a small dose of the drug.

We are all reluctant to do this as it feels like going backwards, but cold turkey is not a short cut to ceasing the drug, I know I did it.

Please study the links below which will help you understand what is happening to you.

about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms/

the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization/

the-rule-of-3kis-keep-it-simple-keep-it-slow-keep-it-stable/

dr-joseph-glenmullens-withdrawal-symptom-checklist/

 

Reinstatement normally works best if done within one month of the last dose.

However it is possible to reinstate further out but it must be done with great care.

Please note: Under no circumstances attempt to reinstate without referring to us for a suggested dose.

 

In the meantime I would be grateful if you could complete your drug signature by following the link below:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/settings/signature/

Please include all drugs in the last 24 months/ the dose taken/ dates taken and details of any taper.

Please do not include any symptoms.

Do include all supplements taken.

Any drugs before this time can simply be listed

This signature will appear below all your posts and enable mods to see your history at a glance.

 

In the meantime DO NOT MAKE ANY CHANGE TO YOUR CURRENT MEDS please.

Please feel free to browse the site, it is a wealth of info.

Other members threads will give you an insight and the opportunity to share experiences.

 

Again welcome.

 

Sassenach

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Patientflower]

On 9/27/2019 at 1:41 PM, Sassenach said:

Reinstatement normally works best if done within one month of the last dose.

However it is possible to reinstate further out but it must be done with great care.

Please note: Under no circumstances attempt to reinstate without referring to us for a suggested dose.

 

 

Thanks so much for your help Sassenach!!

 

If I were to reinstate, I have 10 mg Lexapro tablets and also 10 mg Prozac tablets. 

 

What dosage of either (which do you suggest?) would I do and if it's the Lexapro, how do I make a tiny enough dose with those tablets? One reason I didn't taper is that o kept destroying the pills trying to cut them.

 

I updated my signature too!

 

Thanks again!! 

[Sassenach]

Hi Patientflower.

 

Thanks for your drug signature.

 

On 9/27/2019 at 6:41 PM, Sassenach said:

What are your current symptoms?

It is important that we know what your current symptoms are to enable us to arrive at a reinstatement suggestion.

Please check them off on the list using the following link and post results on here.

dr-joseph-glenmullens-withdrawal-symptom-checklist/

 

The link below will explain how to prepare a liquid from tablets.

how-to-make-a-liquid-from-tablets-or-capsules/

Once read, if you have any questions please ask.

 

 

How are you sleeping at present and is the magnesium helping?

 

Sassenach

 

Edited October 2, 2019 by Sassenach
Additional info

[Patientflower]

49 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

Hi Patientflower.

 

Thanks for your drug signature.

 

It is important that we know what your current symptoms are to enable us to arrive at a reinstatement suggestion.

Please check them off on the list using the following link and post results on here.

dr-joseph-glenmullens-withdrawal-symptom-checklist/

 

The link below will explain how to prepare a liquid from tablets.

how-to-make-a-liquid-from-tablets-or-capsules/

Once read, if you have any questions please ask.

 

 

How are you sleeping at present and is the magnesium helping?

 

Sassenach

 

 

 

Hi Sassenach,

 

Thanks for your help! I don't have excel to download the list, but my symptoms are:

I have severe insomnia- 3-4 hours on most nights. Anxiety at all times- this "wired feeling" like being on the verge of a panic attack at most times except during exercise. Crying spells. Intolerance of stress. Severe social anxiety and dissociation in social situations. Crying in social situations. Hairloss. Missed menstral cycle.  Trouble concentrating. Low energy. Night terrors sometimes when I do sleep.

 

The magnesium helps slightly- I take as much as I can of magnesium glycinate. I cannot tolerate B vitamins or fish oil- they make me more anxious.

 

Thanks!!

[Sassenach]

Will be back to you tomorrow with suggested dose.

 

You will need a syringe either 10 or 20 mgs with one mg increments.

 

Try and sleep tonight.

 

Back to you tomorrow.

 

Sassenach

[Sassenach]

Hi

 

Do you prefer Patient or Flower?

All the symptoms you describe are related to W/D including hair loss.

This means careful reinstatement is the only way to mitigate your symptoms.

Have you read all the links above?

It is important to understand what we trying to achieve, and what your body and CNS ( central nervous system ) is experiencing.

Knowledge is definitely power here.

Did you understand how to make a liquid from the Lexapro pills you have?

I suggest Lexapro for reinstatement as it was the last drug you were taking.

I understand the problems you were having but using Lexapro is more likely to be successful.

You will also be taking a much smaller dose.

There is the matter of insomnia.

Have you had your Melotonin levels checked?

You will need to take Lexapro in the morning and not the evening as it is an activating substance.

Please get back to me asap. and will get you started.

 

Sassenach

 

 

 

 

[Patientflower]

1 hour ago, Sassenach said:

Hi

 

Do you prefer Patient or Flower?

All the symptoms you describe are related to W/D including hair loss.

This means careful reinstatement is the only way to mitigate your symptoms.

Have you read all the links above?

It is important to understand what we trying to achieve, and what your body and CNS ( central nervous system ) is experiencing.

Knowledge is definitely power here.

Did you understand how to make a liquid from the Lexapro pills you have?

I suggest Lexapro for reinstatement as it was the last drug you were taking.

I understand the problems you were having but using Lexapro is more likely to be successful.

You will also be taking a much smaller dose.

There is the matter of insomnia.

Have you had your Melotonin levels checked?

You will need to take Lexapro in the morning and not the evening as it is an activating substance.

Please get back to me asap. and will get you started.

 

Sassenach

 

 

 

 

 

 

Flower is good! Yep I've  read the links and think I know how to make the liquid. 

 

I've never had my melatonin levels checked. In the past I tried taking a supplement- 3mg, probably way to high for me in hindsight- and like the Ambien it made me more depressed the next day. I'd give it a shot again though!

 

Yep, morning is the best time so as not to disturb sleep.

 

Let's do this! You're the best Sassenach!!

[Sassenach]

Back to you within the hour.

[Sassenach]

Hi Flower

 

I suggest you start at ONE mg of Lexapro tomorrow morning, not tonight.

This may seem like a tiny dose but your CNS ( central nervous system) is in disarray because of your cold turkey cessation.

We are starting low so as to avoid the possibility further antagonising your CNS.

It will take up to a week for the med to reach full state in your body.

We will therefore reassess the dose in about 10 days depending on how you are feeling.

If you feel any adverse reactions, stop taking the drug and inform us.

Are you certain you are able to sort the dose correctly?

 

Following is an part of article from the British Sleep Foundation

The pattern of waking during the day when it is light and sleeping at night when it is dark is a natural part of human life. Only recently have scientists begun to understand the alternating cycle of sleep and waking, and how it is related to daylight and darkness.

A key factor in how human sleep is regulated is exposure to light or to darkness. Exposure to light stimulates a nerve pathway from the retina in the eye to an area in the brain called the hypothalamus. There, a special center called the suprachiasmatic nucleus (SCN) initiates signals to other parts of the brain that control hormones, body temperature and other functions that play a role in making us feel sleepy or wide awake.

The SCN works like a clock that sets off a regulated pattern of activities that affect the entire body. Once exposed to the first light each day, the clock in the SCN begins performing functions like raising body temperature and releasing stimulating hormones like cortisol. The SCN also delays the release of other hormones like melatonin, which is associated with sleep onset, until many hours later when darkness arrives.

What is Melatonin?

Melatonin is a natural hormone made by your body's pineal (pih-knee-uhl) gland. This is a pea-sized gland located just above the middle of the brain. During the day the pineal is inactive. When the sun goes down and darkness occurs, the pineal is "turned on" by the SCN and begins to actively produce melatonin, which is released into the blood. Usually, this occurs around 9 pm. As a result, melatonin levels in the blood rise sharply and you begin to feel less alert. Sleep becomes more inviting. Melatonin levels in the blood stay elevated for about 12 hours - all through the night - before the light of a new day when they fall back to low daytime levels by about 9 am. Daytime levels of melatonin are barely detectable.

Besides adjusting the timing of the clock, bright light has another effect. It directly inhibits the release of melatonin. That is why melatonin is sometimes called the "Dracula of hormones" - it only comes out in the dark. Even if the pineal gland is switched "on" by the clock, it will not produce melatonin unless the person is in a dimly lit environment. In addition to sunlight, artificial indoor lighting can be bright enough to prevent the release of melatonin.

 

Hormone Levels

Melatonin may produce side effects that affect hormone levels in women, including changes in the levels of progesterone, estradiol, luteinizing hormone and thyroid levels. The Mayo Clinic reports that alterations in the levels of these hormones affect the process of ovulation and menstruation, which can cause problems with conceiving or maintaining a pregnancy.

 

Melotonin levels can be checked by a blood test.

They only need a drop, not an armful

Worth thinking about.

 

Will be logging off shortly so any questions get back to me asap.

Let's do this.

 

Sassenach

[Patientflower]

1 mg sounds great! 

 

For the dosing- dissolving 10 mg of lex in 10 mg of water (one to one ratio) would mean I'd use the syringe to measure out 1 mg of the mixed solution, I think? Does that sound right?

 

I'll request the melatonin test. I've got some things wrong with low progesterone and the two are connected. (Low progesterone coincides with incorrect melatonin production... interestingly magnesium helps bring progesterone back to normal levels) Ill wait on taking any melatonin til after those 10 days and blood test so we can tell what's doing what!

 

Thank you so much.

[Sassenach]

Hi Flower

6 hours ago, Patientflower said:

10 mg of water

I am sure you mean 10 mls of water but for clarity.

10mgs of Lex in 10millilitres of water.

Stir well and take 1 millilitre from the middle of the solution.

Any undissolved particles are filler used to bind the pill together.

Good luck.

Will catch you tonight.

 

Sassenach

[Sassenach]

Hi Flower

 

For the next week I will be a pest checking in every day.

The first days of reinstatement are important.

Have you had any adverse reactions today?

What symptoms have you experienced?

Has you noticed any change in the way you feel.

I would like you to keep a daily diary of your symptoms and post on here in the following format;

  6 a.m. Woke with anxiety 5
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache 3
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy 6
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

 

The numbers are severity out of ten.

This is important for both of us, it lets me and other mods to evaluate your progress.

It allows you to look back and assess how you are doing.

One of the unfortunate things in W/D is when we have a bad day, we forget the better ones, even it was yesterday.

Most of the brain's repair work is done during sleep when there are fewer demands on it.

If we can find a way to improve sleep it will help.

How old is the Melatonin you have?

Is it instant or extended release?

 

Sassenach

[Patientflower]

On 10/4/2019 at 12:42 PM, Sassenach said:

Hi Flower

 

For the next week I will be a pest checking in every day.

The first days of reinstatement are important.

Have you had any adverse reactions today?

What symptoms have you experienced?

Has you noticed any change in the way you feel.

I would like you to keep a daily diary of your symptoms and post on here in the following format;

  6 a.m. Woke with anxiety 5
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache 3
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy 6
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

 

The numbers are severity out of ten.

This is important for both of us, it lets me and other mods to evaluate your progress.

It allows you to look back and assess how you are doing.

One of the unfortunate things in W/D is when we have a bad day, we forget the better ones, even it was yesterday.

Most of the brain's repair work is done during sleep when there are fewer demands on it.

If we can find a way to improve sleep it will help.

How old is the Melatonin you have?

Is it instant or extended release?

 

Sassenach

 Hi Sassenach,

 

 

I'm sorry I disapeared. I had a death in my family followed by 5 days of no sleep. I started hallucinating and was given a sedative to help me sleep.

 

I'm so distraught cause I feel that the sedative has probably set my back so far ☹️

 

I'm starting the Lexapro today. I pray suffering ends soon. I may need to taper up to the full dose I was on before.

[Patientflower]

Hi Sassenach! How much mg of melatonin do I need? I'm 100lbs.

 

Thanks for your help!!

[Sassenach]

Hi Flower

 

I am really sory to here your sad news.

4 hours ago, Patientflower said:

given a sedative

What was the sedative?

 

4 hours ago, Patientflower said:

I may need to taper up to the full dose I was on before.

You will definitely not need to go back to the full dose.

Your CNS ( central nervous system) is destabilised and will react very badly to a return to the full dose.

What doctors do not know is that these drugs are several times more powerful than they need to be.

Do you have trouble getting to sleep, or staying asleep?

This makes a difference because Melotonin is available as instant and delayed release.

The dose information will be shown on the product.

You should start on the lowest appropriate dose to ensure you do not react badly.

We can discuss this further when you answer ,  Do you have trouble getting to sleep, or staying asleep?

 

Sass

 

 

 

[Patientflower]

Hi Sass,

 

Okay that all makes sense! I have trouble with both, mainly do anxiety. I would say I have the most trouble with falling asleep, though.

[Patientflower]

Oh, and they gave me Vistaril.

[Sassenach]

8 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

What was the sedative?

 

2 minutes ago, Patientflower said:

I would say I have the most trouble with falling asleep

You need instant release Melotonin.

Are you confident that you can sort your lexapro dose correctly?

Only asking because of the stress you have experienced since we last spoke.

For confirmation, one mg only.

 

Sass

[Patientflower]

1 minute ago, Sassenach said:

 

You need instant release Melotonin.

Are you confident that you can sort your lexapro dose correctly?

Only asking because of the stress you have experienced since we last spoke.

For confirmation, one mg only.

 

Sass

 

 

Hi sass!! The sedative was vistaril.

 

1 mg sounds good! I will go hunt that down now. 

 

And yes I think I can measure it. Thanks for checking!

[Sassenach]

Hi Flower

 

How are you doing today?

 

Sass

[Patientflower]

Hi Sassenach,

 

Last night I slept better- 5 hrs! Today I feel less instrusive thoughts and haven't cried. Still sad but I feel a bit more numb. 

 

Is it pretty common to feel slightly better quickly when you reinstate? 

[Sassenach]

It can be, although not maybe this quickly.

There can be a honeymoon period while the brain decides what to about the drug reinstatement.

As the brain begins to respond symptoms can return as remodelling takes place.

 

Apace said:

"Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made. " 

 

Your fitness and active lifestyle will help, love to the furries by the way.

The other thing which is important is sleep, which is when the brain does much of its repair work.

I suggest you get Melotonin on hand but do not take it yet.

It would be really helpful if you could post a diary in the following format to enable both you and ourselves to track your symptom pattern.

6 a.m. Woke with anxiety 5
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache 3
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy 6
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

 

The numbers are severity rating from 0-10

You will get better but it takes time and positivity really helps.

 

Sass

 

 

 

[Patientflower]

I feel so much comfort knowing that you are here to help! That all makes sense.

 

Yesterday:

10 a.m. woke up, felt pretty good, took 1 mg lexapro
11:00 a.m. ate brunch

1:00 p.m. Ate lunch
7:00 p.m. felt myself crashing, very tired, some dissociation, sad
10:00 p.m. went to bed, started to dose, but woke up with a jolt, extreme anxiety, not asleep

 

today:
1:00 a.m. anxiety continues, went downstairs to try to sleep
1:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. woke up and went back upstairs, awake for awhile
7:00 a.m. woke up

8:30 am got out of bed, took 1 mg lexapro

9:00 extreme brain fog, fatigue, lack of motivation, ate

12:00 felt better, ate

4:00 pm felt tired again

7:00 pm feeling anxious

 

 

 

[Patientflower]

Sunday/Monday nights are always hard, trying to cuddle with my corgis and not worry too much.

 

On top of withdrawal I went back to work last week because I had to (my FMLA time ran out) and found out they are building a case to fire me. I've been put on a performance improvement plan. Last week I shut my office door and cried a lot but the important thing is I GOT THROUGH IT! I may have to cry all the time to do so but I'm surviving.

 

It sucks to be losing your job/attempting to job hunt when you're withdrawing. Then suffering grief from the loss of my grandpa.

 

This weekend I ate really well which is good. I usually undereat and just have snacks, but I took care of myself nutritionally this weekend with actual meals. Also went to some fall festivals which really helped, seeing all the leaves changing and happy people there. Walked the dogs a lot. 

 

Tonight I will pray the panic attacks will stay away.

[Sassenach]

Hi Flower

 

Sorry there is so much bad stuff going on, always seems to happen when we are struggling with W/D.

You are doing well with this so keep on believing.

You are going to get through it

17 hours ago, Patientflower said:

went to bed, started to dose, but woke up with a jolt, extreme anxiety, not asleep

How many hours sleep did you get last night?

Important issue, are your corgis Pembroke or Cardigan?

 

Sass

[Sassenach]

Hi Flower

 

How are you doing?

 

Sassenach

[Patientflower]

Hi Sassenach!

I started working full time again so it’s been hard to log my hourly days. 
BUT I have good news- I had a nice, week-long window.!!

 

Things that helped:
*Two half hour sessions of meditation
*1 hr of affirmations played in the background
*15 mins of focused affirmations
*Cut caffeine to half-caf coffee
*Gratitude journalling
*I got 6-7 hours of sleep- it was heavenly

*magensium

 

Things were going well then suddenly yesterday around 3 pm I became anxious and that electrical feeling anxiety stayed with me all evening, and even today. None of my above tricks worked for it. I also got 4 hours of sleep as a result. I’m sad that this is happening after such a nice week! I'm trying to do all of the above, but that tight anxiety feeling in my chest is just constant.

 

My corgis are Pembroke, and such a blessing in my life. I tell them that daily! Furbabies help SO MUCH.
 

[Sassenach]

Hi Flower

 

1 hour ago, Patientflower said:

Things were going well then suddenly yesterday around 3 pm I became anxious and that electrical feeling anxiety stayed with me all evening, and even today. None of my above tricks worked for it. I also got 4 hours of sleep as a result. I’m sad that this is happening after such a nice week! I'm trying to do all of the above, but that tight anxiety feeling in my chest is just constant.

Windows and waves at work.

It is normal to find that all the things we do to help suddenly feel futile, but they are not.

You may not be feeling better but you are still calming your CNS so keep doing it.

A week long window on the second week of reinstatement is way better than expected, and remember once you have had one more will follow.

I can't tell you when but it will happen.

There is the possibility of a .5 mg updose if needed but for the moment I think it would be premature.

I remember the disappointment when my first window ended even though I knew it was inevitable.

Look around the site and read others threads to see the same process being repeated.

You have made a good start.

Are you taking Melotonin?

 

Sassenach

 

 

[Patientflower]

Thanks for your kind words. I am going to make a calendar and highlight my windows. I think that'll keep me optimistic.

 

I've been lurking on the forum and it seems that this is common, like you said. Last week was the best I felt in a year! I'm happy that it is at least possible, even if it ended.

 

Such is life. Everything is temporary but hopefully one day contentment will be a more constant thing for me.

 

No melatonin yet, I've been a little nervous still based on my past adverse reactions to it (groggy and more depressed the next day.) So I better wait til the weekend not a work night.

 

On a side note, I think fluctuating female hormones can wreak havoc during withdrawal!! It's frustrating.

 

Thanks Sassenach!!

[Patientflower]

I slept!!! 6.5 wonderful hours.

 

All day yesterday I took 15 min breaks to meditate and try to focus on calming myself. I didn't think it was working but perhaps it had a cumulative effect.

 

In the evening even though I was tired I volunteered at a local theatre for 3 hours helping them with an upcoming production. I just focused on what I was doing and that helped.

 

I do think meditation is changing my brain. I've had terrible trouble for the past two years with focus and brain fog so this is huge. My mind is racing a lot less. I'm able to shift my attention to things that are important or things that I enjoy without so much interference from anxious thoughts.

 

This forum Surviving Antidepressants is what is helping to empower me to make these changes. I really thought my brain was broken and that each set back was a "relapse" and that working on myself was pointless and I'd be on psych meds forever. Now I know about windows and waves and I feel so much better, knowing that healing is still taking place and that one day I can be normal again. All of this work I'm doing with the affirmations, mediation, and avoiding psych meds is working!!

[Sassenach]

Hi flower.

This is all great news and you should be proud of yourself.

it would be good if you could copy and paste this last post into symptoms and selfcare, meditation.

It will helpothers to understandthe benefits.

Sass

Edited October 31, 2019 by Sassenach
correction

[Sassenach]

Hi Flower, how are you doing now?

 

Sass

[Sassenach]

Hi Flower

 

How are you doing now?

 

Sass

[Patientflower]

@Sassenach Hello my friend!!

 

It's been a long while since I checked in last. I'd say I'm doing about the same- windows and waves. I had a particularly bad wave last week before thanksgiving but it seems to have passed. After thanksgiving, I ended up in the ER with some complications with my endometriosis. I haven't been able to eat well and have been experiencing intense pain (I think the pain is worse in withdrawal, too  ) so they are going to operate on me on Dec 27th to remove some of the disease and burn away nerves. I'm hanging in there despite all this!

 

One thing that's really hurting me is my intolerance to vitamins during withdrawal. It seems I react to the supplements I need and am deficient in. B vitamins give me terrible anxiety now, but did not in the past! This nutritional thing is really going to come back to bite me, as I'm not able to eat a lot of solid foods when I am having and endo flare and I rely on vitamins. I'm also anemic and it seems I react to the iron tablets as well! So frustrating! Also nutritionally when I don't eat enough I will start getting heart palpitations and anxiety (again I think made worse by the withdrawal!) so I try to eat more when that happens or I sip a pedialyte.

 

One question for you @Sassenach - maybe you'll know- I'm worried and wondering what effect anesthesia is going to have while I'm in withdrawal? Will I be depressed for a couple days afterwards? I'll try to search the forum for anyone else who has had surgery during withdrawal.

 

Current treatments: Meditation still, light exercise (though I haven't been consistent with exercise cause of the pain) NO caffeine- I can't tolerate it in withdrawal. No alcohol. Slowly increasing probiotics. Trying to reintroduce yogurt and fermented things that are good for the gut. Very limited in my diet. 

 

Current symptoms: ANHEDONIA- ugh! Sucks to not enjoy things you should be enjoying! Brain fog. Bad anxiety reactions when stressors arise (but my baseline anxiety is getting better!) Insomnia for 2-3 day stretches, but less frequent.

 

Improvements: baseline anxiety is decreased, self harm thoughts less frequent, SLEEP is better on most nights, which is a huge win!

[Sassenach]

Hi Flower

 

Sorry to hear you are having it so tough.

Have you lost weight because of your eating difficulties?

Because of the complexity of your issues you should really consult a dietician, if you can find one who understands W/D even better.

Is it going to be local or general anesthesia?

You are brave lady, you will get through this.

 

Sass