thelegend Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 Good to hear November looked much better than previous months. Looks like you are starting to get there...just know it will come. I am on 7 months now and still my improvements are VERY slight and spotty, But they are there and I will continue to hold to that. 1 April 2010 - January 2018: Zoloft 50-100 mgs (would go back and forth between these doses, mostly at 50mgs). April - May 2018: Attempted to restart Zoloft for 6 weeks, made things worse so switched to... June 2018 - Novemeber 2019: Lexapro 10mgs August 2018 - Current: Zyprexa added for early morning extreme anxiety November 2018 - February 2019: Lexapro 5mgs, then off since doctor said it “wasn’t working if still having anxiety.” Looking back I was probably stabilizing very slowly. New Doctor reinstated: May 1st, 2019 - Current - Zoloft 50mgs, 2.5mg Zyprexa Link to comment
Giulietta Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 12 minutes ago, thelegend said: I am on 7 months now and still my improvements are VERY slight and spotty, But they are there and I will continue to hold to that. I am so pleased that you are experiencing some improvements! @sunnysideup69 I hope you had a lovely day. Hugs, Giuilietta 1 Link to comment
Tom37 Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 Glad your seeing progress. Don’t get disappointed if you start to have a bumpy month or two as it’s still all windows and waves. Most important part is you are seeing improvement which will continue....it’s just time. @thelegend Good to hear you have recognised some improvement no matter how small. It wasn’t until month 9 that I started to have periods of feeling significantly better. 20mg Lexapro 2007 10mg Lexapro 2012 Started tapering approx (October 2017) 12 months ago from 10mg to 9mg then 8 then 7 then 6 then 5 then 4 then 3. Held for approx 4 to 6 weeks min on each reduction. Hit severe symptoms (started 7th Nov) after dropping to 3mg. Dropped to 3mg approx 22nd October. Back to 4mg (7th November) and stabilising. Current symptoms started 23rd November 2018 Used diazepam (2018) 10mg 10th Nov, 5mg 11th Nov, 2.5mg 12 Nov, 2mg 13th Nov. Used diazepam 10mg 24th Nov, 7.5 25th Nov and 5mg 26th November 2018 Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 3, 2019 Author Share Posted December 3, 2019 6 hours ago, thelegend said: Good to hear November looked much better than previous months. Looks like you are starting to get there...just know it will come. I am on 7 months now and still my improvements are VERY slight and spotty, But they are there and I will continue to hold to that. Thanks @thelegend, it's been a tough old ride. A year and a half of wobbling around with an impatient few switches, which weren't a great idea at all. BUT, I've learned the hard way. Thank you for your supportive words and yes, improvements are slow, aren't they? We've got to keep hanging in there, gonna check out your thread and read your story January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 3, 2019 Author Share Posted December 3, 2019 6 hours ago, Guilietta said: I am so pleased that you are experiencing some improvements! @sunnysideup69 I hope you had a lovely day. Hugs, Giuilietta Well, I had a day that was okay overall, WD normal with some really good bits. Watched 'The Misadventures of Romesh Ranganathan' (British comedian who travels to some interesting destinations to review eg Mongolia ) on BBC iplayer and found myself belly laughing at some parts Hope your day was good xxx January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 3, 2019 Author Share Posted December 3, 2019 6 hours ago, Tom37 said: Glad your seeing progress. Don’t get disappointed if you start to have a bumpy month or two as it’s still all windows and waves. Most important part is you are seeing improvement which will continue....it’s just time. @thelegend Good to hear you have recognised some improvement no matter how small. It wasn’t until month 9 that I started to have periods of feeling significantly better. Thanks Tom, yep, trying not to now get really carried away and start burning up energy that I don't really have yet. I think that's often how I set myself back, but it's so hard to judge. I'm pretty sure there will be wobbles yet, but it's good to see some improvement. Slow and steady seems to be the way. January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 3, 2019 Author Share Posted December 3, 2019 Notes for Monday 2nd December Again, fell asleep early last night, but I feel as if I had a deep sleep, mostly a low symptom day, WD normal with some really good bits 5am got up, awake slightly before 6am ruminating about work/family, this happens intermittently throughout morning, I try to distract every time 630 breakfast 700 Venlafaxine XR 75mg 730 warm bath 1200mg fish oil Morning pretty regular, shopping and cooking, wave of despondence/depression around 10am whilst food shopping, about 2/3 on the scale, but it goes within about 15 mins 1230 lunch, really enjoyed it This pm, took a trip out to buy some tulip bulbs and a planter at garden Centre, again, slight wave of despondence on arriving at store but it vanished quickly 1800 supper 2100 screens off, listened to ASMR, fell asleep, woke up not sure when and took myself to bed January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Erell Posted December 3, 2019 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 3, 2019 Hi Sunny, I always like To read your thread as it makes me hope that i'll have days like you one day 🤗 I'm really glad To see your progress, you deserve this! ❤ 1 2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam. 2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg. 2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg). 25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details : topic/21457 Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil Current medication : * 7pm Diazepam : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020) * 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)/ 6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21) I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 3, 2019 Author Share Posted December 3, 2019 4 hours ago, Erell said: Hi Sunny, I always like To read your thread as it makes me hope that i'll have days like you one day 🤗 I'm really glad To see your progress, you deserve this! ❤ I'm glad it helps, it's taken me ages to get here but I'm doing much better. Back in May, I was a total mess. Symptoms now are manageable, although unpleasant. You WILL get days like these, definitely, it's just a painfully slow (at times) process and you'll have so many days of thinking you won't feel better. It's coming. In the meantime, we're here for you. Lots of love xxxxx January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
Giulietta Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 You made (another) great point. As we become more functional and have fewer symptoms - and we will and do - worrying is a waste of energy. Do you think? xxx ooo Snowflakes and sleets from the USA Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 3, 2019 Author Share Posted December 3, 2019 34 minutes ago, Guilietta said: You made (another) great point. As we become more functional and have fewer symptoms - and we will and do - worrying is a waste of energy. Do you think? xxx ooo Snowflakes and sleets from the USA It is, but it's hard to switch it off.....oooh, snowflakes! It's cold here, but weather forecasters keep saying it will get milder over this month xxx January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
Giulietta Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 12 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said: It is, but it's hard to switch it off Very, very true. I savor the moments when it isn't with me. Distract, deep breaths, etc. I hope warmer temps are for over here. 😂 Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 4, 2019 Author Share Posted December 4, 2019 Notes for Tuesday 3rd December, not a bad day but a bit irritable 5am woke from what felt like a deep, straight through sleep 600 warm bath 700 ven 75mg xr plus breakfast...some intrusive thoughts, work and fam, anxiety about 2/3 900 still anxious this morning, bit irritable 1030 back from 5k run, feel ok, plant tulip bulbs, no anxiety 1230 eat lunch, feeling headachey, cancel dinner with friend...just feel like resting Did body scan meditation this pm, was great but fell asleep, woke up, palps very briefly 1730 supper 2130 sleep January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 4, 2019 Author Share Posted December 4, 2019 Today was really stressful and I survived, despite some palpitations and feeling a bit tearful, randomly....just wanna pat myself on the back. Haven't really dropped by onto anyone's thread today...it's hard on work days. After Friday, will be freer again. January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 ***Venting Alert *** Hi all, Positive comments would be gratefully appreciated this morning, feeling tired, stressed by work and crummy. I have a recurring intrusive thought at the moment that I 'should be doing more' for my brother ie rushing off to visit him in the care home. The reality is, it's as much as I can do to just keep getting up and going to work at the moment. Although my parents haven't said that I should be doing it, I do feel a kind of a pressure from them. Whenever they go to visit my brother or sister, they always tell me how difficult it is for them at their age, how tired they are, what a LONG journey it is etc. I end up feeling guilty like I 'should' be doing more. I'm the youngest of the three. Truth be told, I actually do enough. I am the only one out of my two siblings who has ever kept in touch with and visited my mum and dad, my bro and sis haven't bothered, and now they are both incapacitated and can't. Similarly, they ( siblings) have never kept in touch with me. Sounds harsh, but we don't have a relationship, really. Feeling resentful about being the 'dutiful daughter' and it's not a role I want. I'm angry with my brother and sister, both of whom absolved themselves of any responsibility. This family feels like a really toxic set up at times, and I realise that I need to make my own mental health the priority. I'm even beginning to realise how much my family have historically impacted upon my mental health. Don't get me wrong, I've reaped benefits from being the 'dutiful daughter', mum and dad have kind of put me on some pedestal I think, but it's actually through WD that I've begun to clearly see what's going on. So, I'm changing it and it's painful. Thanks for reading this far. Please reassure me I'm not being a selfish cow....or tell me honestly if I am. It's very easy for me to lose myself in other people's demands, and I think this has been key in my experiencing anxiety/ depression over the years. Really need to get to grips with this if I'm eventually going to live a life free of medication one day. Edited to say; guilt is at the core of some of these so called 'mental illnesses.' January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
Tom37 Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 Definitely not being selfish. Families can be very hard work and sometimes you need to put yourself first. I have always found that difficult and something I need to work on as always feel like I’m letting others down if I say no. As long as your doing your best that’s all you can do. It’s hard because your family will never understand what your going through. Hope your day turns out ok. 1 20mg Lexapro 2007 10mg Lexapro 2012 Started tapering approx (October 2017) 12 months ago from 10mg to 9mg then 8 then 7 then 6 then 5 then 4 then 3. Held for approx 4 to 6 weeks min on each reduction. Hit severe symptoms (started 7th Nov) after dropping to 3mg. Dropped to 3mg approx 22nd October. Back to 4mg (7th November) and stabilising. Current symptoms started 23rd November 2018 Used diazepam (2018) 10mg 10th Nov, 5mg 11th Nov, 2.5mg 12 Nov, 2mg 13th Nov. Used diazepam 10mg 24th Nov, 7.5 25th Nov and 5mg 26th November 2018 Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 Thanks @Tom37, I see you had a rough night of it, sorry to hear that. I've had a poop day with anxiety here and there, but also occasional bursts of normality. I've been feeling weird on and off since Tuesday. It's end of term at school and everyone is pretty exhausted. The kids have also had it. Thank you for saying this about families.....I feel less whingey this evening, it kind of helped to just blurt it all out. Day was difficult but I got through it. Also, hoping your day progresses well, are you at work? January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 Notes for Wednesday 4th December Woke with a headache but slept okay. Cold-ish symptoms. Quite grouchy 5am woke from what felt like a deep, straight through sleep 530 warm bath 600 breakfast 700 ven 75mg xr 830 anxious this morning, bit irritable, slight palpitations at work because someone I complained about has been spoken to....some anticipatory anxiety makes me feel strained anxiety about 5 1230 eat lunch 1400 feeling better now the above person is out of my classroom anxiety gone This evening, stress catches up with me, I feel exhausted. Still have a headache. 2000 go to bed, listen to body scan, so exhausted I just fall asleep Energy is so low at the moment, really hoping it starts to come back. Also, mood is dipping a bit with lack of light, find that really tough. One more day to get through of work, then rest again for four. Next week I only have 2 working days owing to school being closed/ used as a polling station in the General Election (Tories Out!) And the following week, I have 1.5 working days as term ends early on Thursday. Then no work at all until January 8th. Thank goodness. January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
thelegend Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 Thanks for your comments, sorry the anxiety has kicked up for you the last few days! April 2010 - January 2018: Zoloft 50-100 mgs (would go back and forth between these doses, mostly at 50mgs). April - May 2018: Attempted to restart Zoloft for 6 weeks, made things worse so switched to... June 2018 - Novemeber 2019: Lexapro 10mgs August 2018 - Current: Zyprexa added for early morning extreme anxiety November 2018 - February 2019: Lexapro 5mgs, then off since doctor said it “wasn’t working if still having anxiety.” Looking back I was probably stabilizing very slowly. New Doctor reinstated: May 1st, 2019 - Current - Zoloft 50mgs, 2.5mg Zyprexa Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 11 minutes ago, thelegend said: Thanks for your comments, sorry the anxiety has kicked up for you the last few days! Thank you, yeah it's SUCH a pain...felt really tearful at work this morning. Distracted and took my mind off it...I think I pick up on other people's stresses, too, and work feels really stressy at the moment for lots of people. Just gotta get through tomorrow. Ugh. January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 Ok, have been a moaning minny today. One positive thing today is that the itchy rash under my eyes is clearing up. Plus, really lovely spontaneous cuddle from a child. I'm knackered and in WD, but I'm not giving up. I've neary done 2 months back at work after a really big patch of time off. I'm not doing so bad....kicking myself (gently) up the a** here. January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
Tom37 Posted December 6, 2019 Share Posted December 6, 2019 Just wanted to say I love the 5am wake up and get up time!.....no idea how you do it especially with it being winter in the uk. Hopefully the teary eyed moments are better today. It doesn’t sound like too bad of a symptom but I definitely don’t enjoy it. Nothing like a good cuddle although that would probably make me cry if in a wave. 20mg Lexapro 2007 10mg Lexapro 2012 Started tapering approx (October 2017) 12 months ago from 10mg to 9mg then 8 then 7 then 6 then 5 then 4 then 3. Held for approx 4 to 6 weeks min on each reduction. Hit severe symptoms (started 7th Nov) after dropping to 3mg. Dropped to 3mg approx 22nd October. Back to 4mg (7th November) and stabilising. Current symptoms started 23rd November 2018 Used diazepam (2018) 10mg 10th Nov, 5mg 11th Nov, 2.5mg 12 Nov, 2mg 13th Nov. Used diazepam 10mg 24th Nov, 7.5 25th Nov and 5mg 26th November 2018 Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 6, 2019 Author Share Posted December 6, 2019 1 hour ago, Tom37 said: Just wanted to say I love the 5am wake up and get up time!.....no idea how you do it especially with it being winter in the uk. Hopefully the teary eyed moments are better today. It doesn’t sound like too bad of a symptom but I definitely don’t enjoy it. Nothing like a good cuddle although that would probably make me cry if in a wave. No idea how I do it either....hahaha. Actually, ever since I crashed off antideps in 2017, I've been having an early wake-up time. Plus, work is a 45 min journey away, and I tend to get there for 745 am to prep for the kids. It is tough though, especially in WD. It means I also have a ridiculously early bedtime of 9 to 930 pm. I feel like I've regressed back to being a cave woman or something.... Ok, off I go to work. Feeling symptomatic today, hope I can get through the day ok. January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 7, 2019 Author Share Posted December 7, 2019 Notes for Thursday 5th December 2019 4am awake 5am get up, drink tea, run bath 530am bathe 6am breakfast, feeling fragile today 7am Venlafaxine 75mg XR leave for work, feeling some dread this morning, about 3 745 arrive at work feeling mildly panicky/anxious (think it's caused by situation with a colleague, anticipatory anxiety,) this peaks at about a 4 830 children arrive, I feel really flat and disconnected, sweaty palms 1100 feeling better 1215 lunch and still feeling better 230 wave of exhaustion The rest of the afternoon and evening I feel flat, disconnected, don't care. Fall asleep at 8pm. I've had some exhausting thought loops the last few days, intrusive thoughts, and I feel that has worn me out. These are definitely drug-related, have never experienced insistent intrusive thoughts before. Also obsessively checking/rechecking things. Notes for Friday 6th December 2019 A better day, feel engaged with life again. Woke with low mood/anxiety at a peak of 4, feeling quite nauseous, have to spend all day with difficult colleague that I complained about (abusive to child) 5am get up, drink tea, run bath 530am bathe 6am breakfast, anxiety still 4 7am Venlafaxine 75mg XR leave for work, feeling some dread this morning, about 3 745 arrive at work anxiety is subsiding 830 children arrive, and I'm feeling better, anxiety 1 1100 feeling better 1215 lunch and still feeling better, anxiety 1 1430 a wave of meaninglessness, flatness, sticks around for half an hour then leaves 1700 still at school, marking, chatting to colleagues, talk to boss about how day has been, then leave for home, walk to station with colleague 1800 arrive home, make supper, relax, again fall asleep too early So, it's been a tricky few days, a bit wavey here and there. I seem to be in some kind of a milder wave with peaks since about 26th November, feeling slightly worse overall than my WD normal period. But it's not too sever and it definitely lets up. A lot of it, I'm sure, is tiredness from going back to work. Thankfully, I have only two days next week, and one and a half the week after and the rest of December off, and I don't go back until 8th January. January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 7, 2019 Author Share Posted December 7, 2019 Dear moderators/friends/fellow countrymen.....question re obsessive thoughts/ CBT Does anyone have any tips for dealing with looping/obsessive thoughts. They are buggers and seem to get me every time. I keep forgetting to tell myself 'it's just withdrawal' and end up getting sucked into those thoughts. E.g. last week, I was obsessing about my brother being sad and anxious in his new care home. This is not factual, it's based on a throwaway comment by my mum that he seems 'calmer' than when he went in at first. I seem to be highly suggestible as I ran away in my mind with that comment Secondly, does SA recommend CBT for anxiety/anxious thinking? I had an occupational health meeting two weeks back, and I have a number I can contact to arrange some sessions, it might help me to look at my wonky thinking. January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
Tom37 Posted December 7, 2019 Share Posted December 7, 2019 My original reason for starting an SSRI was for panic and anxiety and I was quite unwell with it at my worse. After I started to feel a bit better and was up to it cbt was hugely important for my recovery. I was living in London at the time and went through a program with the nhs which included a lot of self help along the way from cbt books etc. It really made a huge different to me. I still keep a basic cbt sheet on my phone that I refer to when I need it. I have tried to use it during wd but when I’m in a wave it often doesn’t work to control thoughts because they are not actually my thoughts, they just happen. I do use the float, accept and let time past process for wd thoughts and that does help sometimes. 20mg Lexapro 2007 10mg Lexapro 2012 Started tapering approx (October 2017) 12 months ago from 10mg to 9mg then 8 then 7 then 6 then 5 then 4 then 3. Held for approx 4 to 6 weeks min on each reduction. Hit severe symptoms (started 7th Nov) after dropping to 3mg. Dropped to 3mg approx 22nd October. Back to 4mg (7th November) and stabilising. Current symptoms started 23rd November 2018 Used diazepam (2018) 10mg 10th Nov, 5mg 11th Nov, 2.5mg 12 Nov, 2mg 13th Nov. Used diazepam 10mg 24th Nov, 7.5 25th Nov and 5mg 26th November 2018 Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 7, 2019 Author Share Posted December 7, 2019 @Tom37, that was my reason for starting, too. Yes, I think in WD normal times, it could be helpful to me.....but you're right, during a wave I feel that the thoughts also just seem to be spewed up by my brain. Float, accept, let time pass does seem to be better for those thoughts.....gosh, this is a challenge, isn't it? January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
Tom37 Posted December 7, 2019 Share Posted December 7, 2019 In wd you just have no control over them so i guess it’s trying to manage them and realising they are just thoughts and not your reality. Hard to do and you never ever master it but maybe you get to a point where they don’t effect you as much. Cbt will definitely help for life after wd that’s for sure. 20mg Lexapro 2007 10mg Lexapro 2012 Started tapering approx (October 2017) 12 months ago from 10mg to 9mg then 8 then 7 then 6 then 5 then 4 then 3. Held for approx 4 to 6 weeks min on each reduction. Hit severe symptoms (started 7th Nov) after dropping to 3mg. Dropped to 3mg approx 22nd October. Back to 4mg (7th November) and stabilising. Current symptoms started 23rd November 2018 Used diazepam (2018) 10mg 10th Nov, 5mg 11th Nov, 2.5mg 12 Nov, 2mg 13th Nov. Used diazepam 10mg 24th Nov, 7.5 25th Nov and 5mg 26th November 2018 Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 7, 2019 Author Share Posted December 7, 2019 2 minutes ago, Tom37 said: In wd you just have no control over them so i guess it’s trying to manage them and realising they are just thoughts and not your reality. Hard to do and you never ever master it but maybe you get to a point where they don’t effect you as much. Cbt will definitely help for life after wd that’s for sure. They ARE just thoughts but boy, they can be pretty convincing. Anyway. Thanks Tom. I've just found a CBT link here on this site, am going to print it out and use it also... https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk//docs/SelfHelpCourse.pdf Thank god for this site and its resources. January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Erell Posted December 7, 2019 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 7, 2019 Hi dear Sunny I'm sorry To read that you're in a wave : remember, all your previous waves did pass 😙 You said November brought you some good improvements, i'm sure December Will too ❤ Glad To know you'll soon be on holidays! Hugs 2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam. 2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg. 2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg). 25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details : topic/21457 Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil Current medication : * 7pm Diazepam : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020) * 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)/ 6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21) I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 7, 2019 Author Share Posted December 7, 2019 26 minutes ago, Erell said: Hi dear Sunny I'm sorry To read that you're in a wave : remember, all your previous waves did pass 😙 You said November brought you some good improvements, i'm sure December Will too ❤ Glad To know you'll soon be on holidays! Hugs Thanks my lovely, it will pass...gosh, am really tired today. Got out for a run and then attempted some Xmas shopping this afternoon. Mostly okay, bit flat, waves of real exhaustion. But okay overall, worn my self out with guilt and fear this past week. Gonna check out your thread now xxx January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
Giulietta Posted December 7, 2019 Share Posted December 7, 2019 12 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said: Does anyone have any tips for dealing with looping/obsessive thoughts 12 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said: This is not factual, it's based on a throwaway comment by my mum that he seems 'calmer' than when he went in at first. I seem to be highly suggestible as I ran away in my mind with that comment Hi, Sweetie. CBT is the recommendation in the USA to deal with anxiety (and depression for that matter I think) between major hospitals and the American Psych Association (whatever you think of them). Many years ago I went through a CBT program - mindfulness - which included yoga, meditation, and traininging in general - and of course a lot of work (which I still have). Ironically - a lot of the same issues are bugging me. All that said - I am working with CBT now - a one on one program. I have a one hour meeting - we go over some of my negative thoughts (what if's - all things which happen to be based on fear) - as you mentioned about your brother and mother. It is easy to run away with these comments. Maybe we can work on one example together (as best as I can) via PM. Please message me if you want. I have to run, need to digest all the excellent advice to me on my ativan situation, etc. Let me now how I can help you. I would really like to relieve you of some of this grief. It is an integral part of living happily and without anxiety. I believe I have seen that CBT is part of self-care advocated by SA. I never managed to identify my feelings, learned how to address them - one reson in part because I grew up in an environment that always wasn't a happy one. One didn't learn to be positive and look at life in those terms. Part of this was not feeling safe - which is fear - which is behind all of the what it's and irrational thoughts. Well, sorry about the lengthy stuff. My biggst hugs to you. Giuilietta Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 8, 2019 Author Share Posted December 8, 2019 12 hours ago, Guilietta said: Hi, Sweetie. CBT is the recommendation in the USA to deal with anxiety (and depression for that matter I think) between major hospitals and the American Psych Association (whatever you think of them). Many years ago I went through a CBT program - mindfulness - which included yoga, meditation, and traininging in general - and of course a lot of work (which I still have). Ironically - a lot of the same issues are bugging me. All that said - I am working with CBT now - a one on one program. I have a one hour meeting - we go over some of my negative thoughts (what if's - all things which happen to be based on fear) - as you mentioned about your brother and mother. It is easy to run away with these comments. Maybe we can work on one example together (as best as I can) via PM. Please message me if you want. I have to run, need to digest all the excellent advice to me on my ativan situation, etc. Let me now how I can help you. I would really like to relieve you of some of this grief. It is an integral part of living happily and without anxiety. I believe I have seen that CBT is part of self-care advocated by SA. I never managed to identify my feelings, learned how to address them - one reson in part because I grew up in an environment that always wasn't a happy one. One didn't learn to be positive and look at life in those terms. Part of this was not feeling safe - which is fear - which is behind all of the what it's and irrational thoughts. Well, sorry about the lengthy stuff. My biggst hugs to you. Giuilietta Guilietta, thanks so much for your lovely, thoughtful response. It's very kind of you to offer to help me feel relieved of some of the grief I have around family. But it's okay. I am just working through it myself and venting here. I might begin work with a therapist in the new year. I'm actually thinking about going home in the New Year instead of over Christmas. I think at the moment, quick overnight trips are better for me. I don't feel well enough yet to spend two and a half days in someone else's house, with none of my usual distractions when I'm feeling down. At the best of times, it takes a lot of energy to deal with my dad. He has never learned to deal with his anxiety and tends to just dump it on other people, using them as a sounding board. I know the two days will be filled with him just worrying out loud about my brother, and expecting me to be some kind of an emotional pacifier. I feel stifled at home, there's no room for my emotions there. It sounds harsh, but that's how it is. I'll give you an example; last time I was really depressed, back in 2006/7, I made the bold move of saying I felt terrible. After I came back to London, my dad relapsed into a 'depression' and I was kind of blamed for it, for being open about how I felt. My mum also looks to me to cheer her up. That's just how it is and has always been, and I don't have the energy for that any more. I love them both, but I can't be their counsellor and listen to their every woe. It's such an old childhood pattern and it's taken me all these years to see it. I do feel very sad saying all of this. I think because I'm single and they are old, they are probably looking to rely on me a bit. But they just can't right now, I'm not sturdy enough. I think at the moment, short bursts of contact are preferable. I wrestle with feeling selfish around all this a great deal, but think I'm finally learning that I must absolutely look after myself first, which I've never truly done before. January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 8, 2019 Author Share Posted December 8, 2019 16 hours ago, Erell said: Hi dear Sunny I'm sorry To read that you're in a wave : remember, all your previous waves did pass 😙 You said November brought you some good improvements, i'm sure December Will too ❤ Glad To know you'll soon be on holidays! Hugs Thanks @Erell, Feeling sad this morning because I just don't think I can spend Christmas with my parents. Because I don't drive and I have to rely on trains, I would be 'trapped' there for three days and three nights. Sadly, at the moment, this is too much for my stressed system to handle. Being around my parents is quite a trying situation for me at the best of times, even when feeling strong. They both trigger anxiety quite badly for me. Mum looks to me as a means of communication with dad. She wants to offload about him, to me. Dad wants to offload his worries about my siblings. I've decided I'm going to go overnight now on 3rd January instead and come back on 4th January. They are easier for me to me to cope with if I go overnight. I'm really hoping that, once I've said this to them, that December will bring improvements. January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 8, 2019 Author Share Posted December 8, 2019 Can't stop crying, feeling awful this morning. Awful mixed with guilt mixed with relief. So, just broke the news to parents. And have taken up a catsitting job from 20th December until 2nd January. Going to stay in my friend's apartment in North London and catsit her gorgeous Persian cat over the Christmas break. It'll just be me and Coconut. Will pop home to see my parents over 3rd/4th January. Feel a huge sense of relief, but also a bit guilty that I'm doing what I need for myself, silly as that sounds. People, please just reassure me that these OTT responses to everything are WD and not some incurable, underlying condition. ( I know that stress has also impacted upon how I'm feeling this last couple of weeks..) I'm feeling half crazy at being so upset. Praying for a window again soon, or at least some WD normal. Life has been a bit tricky since last Tuesday. @Gridley @Erell @Tom37 @GuiliettaFeeling very needy for wanting support and reassurance, but need to hear that WD makes everything, even minor stresses, feel worse. Am doing my best to soothe myself, but I guess we all need a hand at times. I just don't feel like doing anything today. I need to go shop for food, but I think that's about all I'll do. My nervous system is too jangled. Also feeling upset that being at my parents doesn't feel like a safe space for me to visit, but at the moment, it doesn't. I find it draining, quite often. January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
sunnysideup69 Posted December 8, 2019 Author Share Posted December 8, 2019 Notes for Saturday 7th December 2019 Been in a wave since last Wednesday after a brief reprieve from a wave, am so bleddy bored of this now Woke at 4am because I slept too early. Restless. 5am get up 530 some flatness 2/3 600 bath 700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR 800 still feeling flat and devoid of emotion 3 1030 returned from running, has made me feel tired not exhilarated Low mood 3/4 all morning, has been this way most of this week, bit fed up with it now 1230 lunch After lunch, went shopping 1500ish returned, having bought some presents, still low mood 3/4 1800 phone call with parents which flips me into meltdown. I can hear that dad is relying on me to visit brother in care home and 'relay information' back to them. He also asked me to be the person to visit my brother in hospital this summer, when we first learned of my brother's stroke. I obliged on that occasion, even though I had just switched to Venlafaxine and was feeling absolutely mental. Today, I say I can't do it (visit bro) and just break down. I don't have the mental/emotional energy to do this role in the family. Neither do I have the emotional energy to cope with my dad's anxiety. It's draining to me, and has always been this way. I find him overwhelming. 2000 feel exhausted and upset go to bed. January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped. Link to comment
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