sunnysideup69: what can I do to stabilise on venlafaxine

[rola]

8 hours ago, thelegend said:

C’est une grande victoire. On dirait que le voile s'est levé pendant une heure et demie, un tel soulagement quand ça arrive.

It's good news, and you enjoy it when it arrives. 😀

[sunnysideup69]

On 12/10/2019 at 4:45 PM, Adili13 said:

Congrats! Forgetting about WD is basically  the pinnacle of positive experience for all of us in the thick of it. Happy you got to enjoy that! 

Thanks @Sottana, that's lovely of you. May we all have more of these moments 😊

[sunnysideup69]

4 minutes ago, rola said:

It's good news, and you enjoy it when it arrives. 😀

Thanks @rola, it was great. Made me happy to be out and just be 'normal' for a while....

[sunnysideup69]

6 hours ago, Guilietta said:

 

Well said!  I read this on so many people's threads - and we remind each other that when we are in a wave - we need to look back at the wonderful windows we have had. 

 

@sunnysideup69

Thanks @Guilietta! We do indeed.

[sunnysideup69]

Poor mood this morning. Will post yesterday's diary after work. Also, this afternoon, have to do a kid's Christmas party .....ugh. Full respect to those of you who have children and are coping with them during WD, it is NOT easy.

[sunnysideup69]

Still feeling low, it comes and goes. Seem to have waves of cortisol spikes today. Lots of muscle tension in my arms. One thing is a positive. Even though I'm still in this wave, I've managed to be at work. So that must point to SOME improvement from before, eg November when wave forced me to take a week off again. Kind of feeling on the verge of a panic attack today, bad anxiety.

[Erell]

59 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Even though I'm still in this wave, I've managed to be at work. So that must point to SOME improvement from before, 

It is huge dear Sunny : it means you can go on with your life and let symptoms in the background. 

I know how annoying they are, but you are taking big steps ! ❤

[Giulietta]

3 hours ago, Erell said:

it means you can go on with your life and let symptoms in the background. 

I know how annoying they are, but you are taking big steps !

 

This is a big achievement and write it down and look at it every day!

 

 

4 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

eg November when wave forced me to take a week off again

 

Situations at home have forced me into the find FT work. The swearing of 'crazy lady' under a parent's breath kicked me into overdrive this morning. I just ignored it.

 

What made your wave so bad that you had to take a week off work?  I have had bad symptoms - but could perhaps work with them - the asthenia (weak legs mostly) and foggy thinking may be the b iggest impediments. 

 

 

4 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Kind of feeling on the verge of a panic attack today, bad anxiety.

 

Maybe it's the kid's Christmas party?  I am trying to ride out my anxiety even though I am pushing myself.  Part of it is the garbage and negative thoughts, ruminations, and what I am feeling about thje perceptions of others.

 

I don't know parents manage during WD. Managing my little dog is hard enough -especially when he goes on a barking fit.

 

Hugs and feel better. Glad you had some windows.

 

Your friend...

Giuilietta

 

[sunnysideup69]

3 hours ago, Erell said:

It is huge dear Sunny : it means you can go on with your life and let symptoms in the background. 

I know how annoying they are, but you are taking big steps ! ❤

Really appreciate this comment, my lovely, thank you XXX sometimes we can't see the big steps ourselves because we so want to just be 'normal.'

[sunnysideup69]

Hey @Guilietta,

Thanks for your lovely comment...I will indeed write down what I coped with today. I've been feeling so drained, like I'm dragging myself through the day, but I'm home now. I did it.The world didn't end.

 

The reason I took a week off in November? Because I had a complete flipout after a meeting with the boss....he said he was sending me to occupational health, (because I'd had time out in June, and again in Sept/half of Oct after I switched antideps.) I wasn't in my right head that day, and I took it all the wrong way, as if I were in trouble. Triggered massive anxiety and a week of palpitations/near panic.

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Tuesday 10th December, bit better than yesterday

4am awake, dozed til 5, about 7/8 hours broken sleep

5am low mood get up anxiety 3,

7am breakfast and take 75mg Venlafaxine XR, feeling more motivated less angsty today

745 bath

830 fish oil 1200mg

830 low mood/anx still around 3, blurry vision 

10am return from 5k jog, some fatigue at end but mostly enjoyed it

1200 lunch anx/dep 2/1

1300 good mood, relaxed wraping presents and writing cards

1530 mood dips a bit, suddenly body jerks etc, stabbing pains

anxiety/dep is around 2/1 all afternoon, still a bit vigilant about mood

1645 leave to meet friend for dinner, feeling nervous

1700 we meet and have dinner locally from now until 1830, I pretty much forget about WD

1900 return home, exhausted now

2000 fall asleep on sofa

2330 take self to bed

 

 

[Giulietta]

2 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I coped with today. I've been feeling so drained, like I'm dragging myself through the day, but I'm home now. I did it.

 

This could be the start of a new positive thing to do  - not just you - but those of us who don't already do this. We all log our symptoms - and maybe 'decent day' if it was - but maybe not enough of what we accomplished so we can look back at - our mini (or not) success stories. 

 

Isn't it nice to be home.

 

2 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I wasn't in my right head that day, and I took it all the wrong way, as if I were in trouble. Triggered massive anxiety and a week of palpitations/near panic.

 

Eke. I remember an incident when you had a run-in with a coworker - but handled it OK- kept your cool - and were going to OT in a few weeks. Maybe I am confused. 

 

Do you find that if you step back (or a friend/one of us) does - things might be reframed/perceived less personally? It is easier for me to look at someone else's situation than my own in an objective / logical way.    It occurred to me yesterday of doing a CBT on one event/thought that is causing stress/anxiety/negative feelings. Do you do this at all or regularly?

 

Glad you are home. Hope the little monsters (if you have that expression) had fun.

 

I appreciate your feedback on the job.  Work searches are anxiety provoking by themselves.

 

Hugs,

Giuilietta

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

9 hours ago, Guilietta said:

 

Eke. I remember an incident when you had a run-in with a coworker - but handled it OK- kept your cool - and were going to OT in a few weeks. Maybe I am confused. 

 

Do you find that if you step back (or a friend/one of us) does - things might be reframed/perceived less personally? It is easier for me to look at someone else's situation than my own in an objective / logical way.    It occurred to me yesterday of doing a CBT on one event/thought that is causing stress/anxiety/negative feelings. Do you do this at all or regularly?

 

 

 

You're not confused, it was part of the same incident...in the same meeting with boss, he told me 'off the record' that one of my 'lovely' coworkers had reported me.

They wanted to remain anonymous. I had been off in September/October with anxiety/depression, that's how I've framed it with work , as they sure as hell don't understand 'WD.' Only my boss and one close colleague knew why I was off.

I am connected to a lot of colleagues via facebook, and was just posting as usual. I posted a picture of my friend's dog walking through the park a couple of times, as I'd been out walking her, and was writing about what a lovely 'therapy dog' she was. 

Apparently, someone had seen those posts and had gone to report me to the boss for being out and about when off sick.

 

Turns out, incidentally, that a rumour had gone around that I was off after a hysterectomy...go figure, never said anything along those lines to anyone, although I had mentioned menopause to a couple of people, the rest was fiction.

 

So that person, in their small mind, had decided that if I'd had an op, I shouldn't be out, and had gone to 'tell on me.' Boss didn't give a ****, he totally gets that exercise is good for mental health and wasn't at all bothered that I had left the flat, FFS. He was just giving me the heads up that someone was 'monitoring' my profile on FB.

 

He is a genuine bloke and I really think he meant the best in warning me, but over that weekend I got into a really upset state about someone reporting me for going for a walk...and it made me feel really unsafe about going back to that workplace, my poor WD brain just felt really 'victimised' and to be frank, it s a sh*tty thing to do when someone is off sick, anyway. Assume the best.

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Wednesday 11th December 

 

4am wake suddenly feeling bad, awful digestion, lie in bed feeling miserable

5am get up, tired

6am negative thoughts anxiety 2/3

7am anx/dep about 4/5 now, wobbly legs, generally feeling shaky, take Ven 75mg XR and leave for work

830 am at work, feeling pretty much the same 

1100 feeling tense, wobbly, no patience

1200 building anxiety, feel it peaking to about a 5/6 suddenly, no reason, some palpitations and feel exhausted

1230 lunch, feeling spaced out but force myself to sit with other staff and chat

1300 to1530 kids Cmas party anxiety about 2, low mood. Feel worse as I'm doing kids marking of work, really heavy body, depression 3/4

1600 go home

1630 onwards mood lifts and I have zero anxiety

I now feel completely normal for the rest of the evening. Still fall asleep too early, must get this under control because then I wake too early. Sleep hygiene and no snoozing before 10pm.

 

Pretty sure am still in some kind of a wave which occasionally lets up, as my normal pattern of waking with anxiety/low mood which resolves during the day has been off for the last two or so weeks. This pattern at the moment is more erratic. This is how my waves tend to go...am all over the place emotionally and physically. Have also had more physical symptoms this time, feeling much more achey.

 

Edited to say: hmmmmm, I might be coming down with a virus. Have woken this morning after a bad sleep with a sore throat, the shivers and am really achey and coughing. Could explain some of why I've been feeling so pants the last couple of days. Mood is better this morning although physically I feel yuck. School is closed today, being used as a polling station, hopefully we will eject Boris Johnson and his idiot party. So am gonna vote and then spend the rest of the day in bed.

 

[sunnysideup69]

WD is a weird thing. Feeling physically crappy today...think I've got the lurgie going around at school (although COULD be WD fake flu.) But mood a lot better.Pretty normal  and ACTUAL normal, not WD normal.

[RichT]

On 12/11/2019 at 6:17 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

Thanks RichT. It was a good experience 😊 How are you doing today?

definitely on the mend, thanks!

[Giulietta]

15 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Sleep hygiene and no snoozing before 10pm.

 

Hello Sweetie,

 

Snoozing is bad. I find going to bed at 10ish I do better as well. Have you also tried a 'clear to neutral' approach? Maybe you already do this. It is making sure computer applications are closed, papers organized as much as you can (if you have a desk/office at home),  tidy your flat maybe, know what you have to do tomorrow and reflect on your accomplishments, and positive thoughts. I need to improve on all of this.

 

15 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

This is how my waves tend to go...am all over the place emotionally and physically. Have also had more physical symptoms this time, feeling much more achey.

 

Sorry about the additional aches and pains. Hope you are not coming down with the flu.

6 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

But mood a lot better.Pretty normal

 

Awesome!

 

Hugs,

G.

 

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Thursday 12th December  Am about two weeks into what feels like a bit of a wave, usual pattern of symptoms is all over the place

 

Poor sleep, wakeful, restless, woke at 2.30am shivering under 3 duvets with aching muscles and bones, vivid dreaming

4am wake again, can't sleep, too achey and shivery, eyes burning, coughing ...hard to know if this is a bad cold or WD, but I think may actually be illness as so many kids are off sick at school.

5am get up, mood is better today even though physically I feel horrible

6am mood still ok

630 breakfast

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR, feeling really cold and can't get warm

730 really warm bath with epsom salts

800 take 1200mg fish oil (do this every day but keep forgetting to log)

1200 lunch, morning has been okay, just physically unwell, anx/dep about 1/2

 

Before lunch, I go out to vote, feel really spaced out, outside

 

From 1300 to about 1800 I feel okay but in the evening my mood worsens and I begin to feel low/miserable about 3, also get some palpitations, have noticed this a bit more over the last couple of weeks and it unnerves me a bit...always seems to occur with gastric distress

Because I've been feeling some mild panic/palpitations, I have been worried that I'm getting worse. Have to remind myself that they are a part of WD symptoms and will go again. Also been feeling slightly more agoraphobic than usual and wanting to withdraw from the world. 

 

 

 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Question, guys. I'm getting more heart palpitations/feelings of mild panic over the last couple of weeks, and 16 weeks into the switch from Cit to Venlafaxine. Shouldn't this be getting better, not worse?

 

I've had these before in a wave, but they are a bit more frequent this last two weeks. Is this still within the range of 'normal' ie to be having fluctuating symptoms 4 months into a switch?

I think I know what the answer is going to be, but please answer anyway...it unnerved me a bit last night, I got them before going to bed which is a bit atypical. Probably worrying myself unnecessarily. Also a bit confusing as they've been interspersed with some pretty 'normal' feeling windows.

I was doing so well before the last 2 weeks. Am scared today.

 

Also pretty sure as well as tiredness from work, family stuff playing into this. Brother's illness, his going into care. There's a LOT going on in family. It's all a bit overwhelming. Worried about holding onto my job, will I be well enough etc.

[Gridley]

7 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Is this still within the range of 'normal' ie to be having fluctuating symptoms 4 months into a switch?

 

Yes, it's within the range of "normal" to be still having ups and downs 16 weeks after a drug change.  You've been doing really well until the last two weeks, and that's a very encouraging sign.  Don't underestimate the effect of family stressors on your system.

[sunnysideup69]

10 minutes ago, Gridley said:

 

Yes, it's within the range of "normal" to be still having ups and downs 16 weeks after a drug change.  You've been doing really well until the last two weeks, and that's a very encouraging sign.  Don't underestimate the effect of family stressors on your system.

 

Hey @Gridley, can't thank you enough for your reassurance this week. This site has been a godsend. @Erell and @Guilietta, big thanks to you also for your continued support.

I underestimated how much my brother's stroke/tumour was affecting me emotionally....was putting a brave face on, but I'm pretty devastated for him and my parents...I think the Ven was blunting some of my normal feelings,  but they've broken out this week.....in one way, it's good to know I still have them. Bro is now in a care home, I'm gonna visit him when I'm a bit stronger. He's a changed person now, brain op and stroke have left him very angry. Can't help seeing the parallels here.....

 

Life, eh? 

[sunnysideup69]

So, today has been a tricky day. Have been anxious and very emotional this afternoon.

Been crying, mostly about bro. It's obvious his poor brain is also suffering.

 

He's now been in the care home for two weeks. I called them today and spoke to the  nurse. She said bro is okay, is settling, they are trying to get him out of his room a bit and interacting with other residents, but sometimes he swears at them and so they leave him be. He seems to oscillate between anger and anxiety, I guess unsurprising after a stroke and then a n operation plus radiotherapy on his brain tumour.

 

This is so unlike the brother I know. The stroke and tumour have changed him and I had a cry about that, and also because it reminds me of what I am temporarily dealing with. Temporarily.

 

I want to go and see him but I don't feel strong enough, currently.

 

Oh, and I took today off work after starting what felt like a very strong cold yesterday, shivers, headache, aching etc. Today it has vanished so I think it's 'just' WD playing its tricks.

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Friday 13th December 2019

 

Woke before alarm in anxiety 4/5

 

5am get up, immediately feel I cannot go to work today, was full of cold** yesterday.

6am text my boss, tell him I have a bug, am not coming in, this stresses me a bit but he is okay about it

 

630am eat breakfast

700am Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Anxiety is still 5

 

Warm bath with epsom salts

 

This morning I have ramped up symptoms; has been this way, intermittently, all week. Dyspepsia, tense arm muscles, whole body tremor, bodily tics/jerks, feeling slightly panicky. These symptoms amplified last night from around 8pm. I am wondering whether I have a paradoxical reaction to magnesium...feeling very gurgly digestion and sore stomach today.

 

Do some food shopping this morning although I don't feel like going out.

 

1300 lunch, although I have no appetite. Still anxiety at 5.

**Realise my 'cold' has vanished so guess that was also a flare up of WD symptoms.

 

1400 message a friend and tell her I feel lousy, she sends a lovely reply reminding me of everything that has happened this month, no wonder I've been stressed, I have a really good cry.

Also telephone care home to find out how bro is getting on. Not so great, makes me cry even more.

 

Crying seems to shift something. From about 1600 I begin to feel a bit better, less tense.

 

1800 supper

 

Anxiety reduces to about 3

 

Better sleep hygiene, make myself stay up til 9 15 pm, then go to bed. Fall asleep listening to ASMR.

 

When I think about it rationally, late November/ early December had events that would be stressful to anyone.

 

My brother went into care.

 

I had to go and see occupational health at work, had lots of anticipatory anxiety around this.

Had to deal with a colleague and her abuse towards a child, made a formal complaint, still have to work with this woman.

[sunnysideup69]

Aaaaaand just like that, since around 10 30am today, a window opens and I feel completely 'normal,' actual normal not WD normal, good humoured, calm and peaceful ❤️ More evidence of healing ❤️ I am so grateful for these slices of time ❤️

 

[Justwanttofeellikeme]

That is amazing. I am so happy for you. Enjoy every second. 💗

[sunnysideup69]

2 hours ago, Justwanttofeellikeme said:

That is amazing. I am so happy for you. Enjoy every second. 💗

Thanks so much. Seems like you and I have Citalopram/Celexa WD in common, plus switching to a different antidep. Just sent you a message...will also say here, you WILL get better, and you are healing. You did a fast taper off th Celexa...I've also made cuts which were too big/fast in the past, and did a switch over in summer. Am still getting Cit WD and have really been in Cit WD for 1.5 years, if you look at my signature.

You nervous system has been through a lot of changes and it's gonna be up and down but hang in there...nice to meet you, sorry it's in *these* circumstances. This is a great site for help and encouragement

[Justwanttofeellikeme]

3 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Thanks so much. Seems like you and I have Citalopram/Celexa WD in common, plus switching to a different antidep. Just sent you a message...will also say here, you WILL get better, and you are healing. You did a fast taper off th Celexa...I've also made cuts which were too big/fast in the past, and did a switch over in summer. Am still getting Cit WD and have really been in Cit WD for 1.5 years, if you look at my signature.

You nervous system has been through a lot of changes and it's gonna be up and down but hang in there...nice to meet you, sorry it's in *these* circumstances. This is a great site for help and encouragement

Its so nice to meet you. Its funny I was instantly drown to your feed and I hadnt even read your signature yet. I am glad I found this site but some of this stuff triggers me. I will just have to watch what Im reading for a while. Thank you for your encouragement. Happy to be that for you as well.

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Saturday 14th December 2019 What a fantastic day  Feel almost totally like my 'old' self for most of the day ❤️ 

 

Woke about 430 am, dozed a bit, anxiety around 3

530 feeling a window of calm, get up

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR and breakfast

800 warm bath

830 anxiety still around 3, nervous, sore stomach, jittery

920 feeling calmer, anxiety 1/2

1045 return home from 5k jog, feeling a bit jelly-legged but run was enjoyable, really enjoyed nature and the cold air

 

around 1100 ❤️❤️ a window opens and I remain calm, peaceful, totally normal for the rest of the day, anx/dep 0 ❤️❤️ 

 

1200 lunch

1500 friend arrives for a cuppa and a chat, talk to her about what's been going on and she has also been going thru a lot of anxiety, good to talk to someone who can actually understand and accepts WD, she is also someone who does *not* use medication to manage her anxiety

1800 supper

2000 meditation 

2120 computer off

2145 bed, must work on screens off an hour before bed, as it does affect my sleep

 

Reflecting this morning on all the stuff that has come up emotionally for me over the last two weeks. I've had a massive over reaction to things, which is obviously WD, but also looking at the truth in certain things. I love my parents, but I feel OVERLY responsible for them. Needing to reestablish better space between us. Need to make better boundaries about them 'offloading' onto me, because it's not a two way street, I certainly don't offload onto them. Also, about mum 'gossiping' to me about dad, need to tell her to stop it when she starts. 

 

 

 

[Erell]

17 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Aaaaaand just like that, since around 10 30am today, a window opens and I feel completely 'normal,' actual normal not WD normal, good humoured, calm and peaceful ❤️ More evidence of healing ❤️ I am so grateful for these slices of time ❤️

 

 

AWESOME news 🤗🤗🤗

Sounds like your brain just needed To do some adjustments  😉

 

Take good care my dear !

[sunnysideup69]

Today is another good day, and am also headachey and crying a lot, but it kind of feels like it's releasing something. Was very stressed last week, this feels much better.

[Justwanttofeellikeme]

So happy to hear you are having another good day! 💗

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Sunday 15th December, another pretty good day ❤️ 

 

Today was a bit emotional but that felt good. Haven't been able to cry properly for ages and felt like some kind of release was happening, felt like very healing tears.

Woke a few times but got back to sleep.

520 got up, anxiety 0, in a good mood

630 slight headache, eyes are sore, red bumpy rash underneath is back

700 Velafaxine XR 75mg, 

(some slight intrusive thoughts about family started around 7)

730 breakfast AFTER meds, haven't tried this before

800 sudden intrusive thoughts about family, some fear about disaster happen, guilt about staying in London for Xmas, all out of proportion, anxiety 2, tensing of upper body

800 1200mg fish oil

820 warm bath, still slight anxiety 2, wobbly after bath, tense arms are now wobbly and shaky

1045 return from walk, fatigued, anxiety reduced to 1

1100 meditation

1230 lunch

1330 slight increase in anxiety, 1 or 2, slight palpitations, anticipating calling parents

1430 1430 begin a two hour crying spell...provoked by emotional end to a series I've been watching, it's actually really good to cry, feels like a tension release

1630 crying spell over, feeling a bit exhausted but calm and zero anxiety/depression

1800 supper, music, tv

2100 screens off

2145 bed, takes a little while to drift off, probably about half an hour

 

**Last week, managed to socialise twice. Once on Tuesday evening, for a meal, when I was still feeling in a wave

Saturday afternoon, had a cuppa with a friend for 1.5 hours or so

 

Just noting these as it's quite a big switch from how I'd been feeling; had no desire to connect with anyone for a while **

 

 

 

 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Good morning moderators, I have a question. This is a way into the distance yet, but am wondering if I should take action sooner rather than later. I'm currently taking extended release Venlafaxine 75mg in tablet form (it's called ViePax). 

However, it seems that the best way to eventually taper from this drug is via the bead reduction method, then ending with maybe switching to the tablet IR version and making a solution, think that's correct.

 

My question is around when to switch to a bead version of this drug...it doesn't seem like I can get a 'beads' version of Venlafaxine in the UK, just a version with mini pills inside.

Would it be better to ask my doc to prescribe the brand name Effexor? I believe that's the bead version of this drug, and is it wiser to do this sooner or wait until I've stabilised better on the Ven? Definitely making progress but still having some wider swings in anxiety than I'd like and not ready to taper.

Thank you

[Gridley]

6 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Would it be better to ask my doc to prescribe the brand name Effexor? I believe that's the bead version of this drug, and is it wiser to do this sooner or wait until I've stabilised better on the Ven?

It's a good idea, but I would wait until you've stabilized further. A switch in brand can cause some wobbles.  

[sunnysideup69]

37 minutes ago, Gridley said:

It's a good idea, but I would wait until you've stabilized further. A switch in brand can cause some wobbles.  

 

Thanks Gridley, will hold on for now.

[Giulietta]

8 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Notes for Sunday 15th December, another pretty good day ❤️ 

 

Really glad to see this, Sweetie, and that you are feeling positive with the reduction in wobblies, tense arms, anxiety and palpitations and intrusive thoughts around parents. These are huge accomplishments.

 

That you are also looking to transitioning to anther tapering formula for your brand of  is also encouraging!

 

I hope you have a great day. I wonder if you are working this week.

 

Hugs,

G.