sunnysideup69: what can I do to stabilise on venlafaxine

[sunnysideup69]

1 hour ago, Tom37 said:

I get the tearful for no apparent reason at times. Other day I went into the supermarket and was feeling fine then all of a sudden it hit while I was getting some bread. Didn’t cry but went from being in normal mood to quite emotional so was a total change in how I was feeling and then it switched back just as fast. That’s when you know it’s wd.

Exactly, that's not 'normal' mood fluctuations. It's kind of sudden and sweeping and bizarre.

There's no end to the gifts of WD.....

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Friday 3rd January ( was a WD normal kind of day, maybe slightly improved. )

 

Have slept at parents' home over night and my sleep was terrible. I went to bed around 2130 as usual, but I must have woken up about four times in the night, not sure how long I stayed awake each time. I kept waking from my REM sleep, every time I'd  be in the middle of a dream. Also, each time I woke, my heart was beating a bit faster. The central heating was going on and off and it's really noisy, kept waking me.

 

However, the biggest offender was.....sugar, and before bed. Ate Xmas pudding in the day and also had some fancy biscuits not long before bed. Mistake. Sugar wreaks havoc on my system now, so as of today, am properly sending it packing. I don't eat many refined carbs but have had a lot of white potatoes, also gonna swap them for sweet potato.

Stable blood sugar = happy me.

 

Plus, my parents are elderly and their little house is very hot, for me anyway. I tend to keep my home cooler, being post meno I overheat a bit and I notice that gives me palpitations.

 

Have managed to reduce to two mugs of tea in the morning, gonna hang here for a while and then reduce to one. Then experiment with cutting caffeine out for a month and gauging the difference.

 

Finally, even though I slept quite badly, I was surprised to find that when I checked the clock after my final waking, it was 550 am. That's really late for me! Maybe it's because my sleep was so disjointed, I snoozed for longer....anyway, it was good not to see the usual 430 time on the clock. It's also properly dark, here in Wiltshire, compared to back home in London. I have blackout curtains in London, but perhaps I really need an eyemask also.

 

430 woke, feeling a bit stressed, going to parents' today in Wiltshire. Listened to relaxations by The Honest Guys on YouTube. Anxiety about 2/3

 

630 breakfast

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR and fish oil 1100mg

 

800 meditation

900 left for Paddington

1030 train departs, anxiety about 2 now.

1200 arrive at parents, anxiety stays level at 2, I'm coping okay. 

 

1230 lunch at parents, mood a little flat, feel a bit weird and displaced to be somewhere else, again. Sugary pudding.

 

1330 feeling a bit better and more settled

1430 take myself out for a walk/ some fresh air, go to supermarket

1530 feeling better/invigorated after walk, from here, mood is pretty much okay, wave of fatigue/ feeling a bit 'blah' in supermarket but the fresh air helps my mood.

 

1730 supper.....plus offending biscuits.

 

1900 go upstairs and lie down to do body scan meditation, aiming to go and watch a TV show with parents at 2000. I fall asleep almost immediately and when I wake it's already 2000, dad is calling me from outside the door. I think he wakes me from quite a deep cycle as I'm really disorientated on waking and my heart is racing. Thankfully, it calms down within about 10 minutes. Goes to show how sensitive my nervous system is, though.

 

2100 TV show finishes, I say goodnight and take myself to bed. One last sugary biscuit. (This diary is 'what not to do before bed.' I'm also on my phone, looking at this website.)

 

2130 lights off. Now begins a night of fractured sleep. I manage not to check the clock, however, and am surprised that when I finally do, it's 550 the next day. Usually I check the clock to find it's 430.

 

SO, lots of points to learn from. Over the Xmas period, I have really learned that sugar upsets my system. Given sugar at the moment, my response is like a child ie hyper and then crash. Then symptoms the next day increase.

Also, have been making myself stay in bed when I wake early, sometimes I go for that cup of tea and then just relax with it, (sometimes in an agitated way 😉), still under the covers. Am aiming to give myself an 8 hour sleep window every night. Bed between 2130 and 2200. In reality, sleeping for about 6.5 or 7 hours, which I suppose is not too bad.

 

Also....my skin. Have been quite spotty this month. Pretty sure it's from sugar/ WD of Citalopram. I think my liver might be struggling a bit with the random sugar spikes I've been subjecting it to. So, over the last few days I've been swapping some herbal teas for hot water with the juice of half a lemon squeezed into it. This is a good liver cleanser and is nice and alkaline. Ideally, should drink this first thing in the morning, which I haven't yet managed, being a tea addict. As of tomorrow, gonna have this before my mugs of tea. Eventually won't have tea. 

I'm determined this year to curb my addictions, (tea, sugar), cut them out for a while and then see what the response is if I introduce them.

 

I'm using WD as an opportunity to get to know my body better. I do remember trying a very alkaline diet once for a month, and I felt incredibly calm at the end of the 30 days.

 

I'm thinking to eat as clean as possible, cut out grains except for occasional brown rice, eat potatoes but make sure they are SWEET potatoes, have enough healthy fat, have some red meat once a week but mostly eat fish. I love fish and seafood! Support my liver a bit better. I ask my body to do quite a lot of exercise but sometimes I don't nourish it properly.

 

 

Long diary today. Thought I might as well whilst on holiday...plus, I really do want to keep it until I've had at least two stable months with little variation. That way, it's good for me to look back on, but it can also be a reference for someone else who is struggling (being as I've been wobbling for a good 18 months.)

 

SSU x

 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Something really good has happened over the last two days, even though on Friday night, my sleep was pretty interrupted.

 

Both Saturday morning and this morning, I've looked at the clock and it's around 6am when I properly wake! So different from the usual 400-430 hours.

 

Admittedly, yes, I have woken briefly a couple of times in the night last night. Or rather, in the early morning. But I got back to sleep.

 

But it does feel like something has shifted in my sleep pattern over the last two nights and I really hope it continues to improve. This morning, I actually feel as if I've had a good, deep sleep.

 

Wondering what has changed? Decided to give my liver/ kidneys some help over the last couple of days.....

 

I've been eating a lot of good fats as well as taking the fish oil, maybe my liver has struggled to process it all, what with the added burden of antidepressants to process. Not to mention all the sugary stuff it had to deal with over Christmas. 

  Also during the day, I've had some mugs of hot water with the juice of half a lemon squeezed into it...that's supposed to be a good liver cleanser. Gonna try that first thing in the morning as of tomorrow, as that's the optimum time.

Anyway, whatever has changed, it's welcome. I hope I have more days of sleeping a bit longer, that would really help the healing process.

 

 

It's funny, isn't it? I think we get carried away with fancy supplements ( I certainly did in the past) when in fact all we need to do is drink more water, add a squeeze of lemon, etc. 

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Saturday 4th January 2019 ❤️ wobbly early morning but the turned into a window ❤️ 

 

Very restless sleep, parents' house is creaky and noisy, too much sugar, strange bed. Kept waking during REM sleep. Did get back to sleep every time, but then woke later on.

550 looked at clock, surprised I managed to rest this long. Made tea. Only had two mugs. Beginning to reduce.

645 breakfast

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR plus fish oil.

 

Lots of physical tics/jerks this morning, probably from sugar spike yesterday. Heart a bit racing, intermittently. Beating is more pronounced. Physical symptoms about level 2/3, although emotionally, I feel ok.

 

1015 return from 5k run feeling better, take a bath, anxiety is minimal, do meditation

1200 lunch with parents

1400 head out to catch train back to London, arrive home about 1645

1700 relax, feeling okay

2000 am really tired from travelling

 

2030 go to bed, lights out

 

[sunnysideup69]

Feeling less well today, bit higher anxiety, coming in waves, body a bit wobbly. I've done a lot over the last few days; travelled from my catsit back to my flat, then 24 hours later travelled home, then 24 hours later travelled back to London.

I guess that's quite a lot of moving around in WD. Just using today to rest before I go back to work tomorrow..fingers crossed this blip is just for today.

[Sottana]

Try not to overthink it, sunnyside. Just another patch needed for a little more repair work. Take the time to rest and see it as your nervous system just doing a little more work. I know how easy it is to get frustrated by symptoms after a little stretch of lessened symptoms.  

[sunnysideup69]

1 minute ago, Adili13 said:

Try not to overthink it, sunnyside. Just another patch needed for a little more repair work. Take the time to rest and see it as your nervous system just doing a little more work. I know how easy it is to get frustrated by symptoms after a little stretch of lessened symptoms.  

Thank you ! ❤️

[Snorky]

1 hour ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Feeling less well today, bit higher anxiety, coming in waves, body a bit wobbly. I've done a lot over the last few days; travelled from my catsit back to my flat, then 24 hours later travelled home, then 24 hours later travelled back to London.

I guess that's quite a lot of moving around in WD. Just using today to rest before I go back to work tomorrow..fingers crossed this blip is just for today.

Hi S 

 

Glad you could go back to work. I went back on Monday after 6 weeks, but think I’ll have to go back to Doc tomorrow, with inevitability of another certificate. Completely overwhelmed by deteriorating depression and anhedonia type symptoms. In addition to these, horrible sensation today where nerves completely on edge and radiating these symptoms to brain. (Don’t think brain zaps or shivers, just tightness band edgy feeling)

 

Good luck tomorrow.

[sunnysideup69]

16 minutes ago, Snorky said:

Hi S 

 

Glad you could go back to work. I went back on Monday after 6 weeks, but think I’ll have to go back to Doc tomorrow, with inevitability of another certificate. Completely overwhelmed by deteriorating depression and anhedonia type symptoms. In addition to these, horrible sensation today where nerves completely on edge and radiating these symptoms to brain. (Don’t think brain zaps or shivers, just tightness band edgy feeling)

 

Good luck tomorrow.

Hey Snorky, well done for going back. Thanks for the good wishes!

[insistpersistresist]

I really enjoy reading your posts even though, of course, I wish you hadn’t the need to be in this forum at all!:-) I can really identify with your approach and mindset to all this. 
 

Also I wanted to chime in on an earlier post you made about histamine. I was on sertraline (same class as citalopram) and I found, only looking back, the answer to what happened to me in an earlier withdrawal. I became super sneezy and had all these allergy symptoms for like a month when I had never had allergies prior. You are right—that histamine gets suppressed and then in withdrawal can get released in an exaggerated manner. I think I have developed food sensitivities and heightened histamine response to internal and external substances. Hoping it will subside in time. Also get itchy rashes on my face or stomach from time to time. But it is nice to understand the reason—that helps.

 

I, too, weaned off caffeine and am now committed to taking in no refined sugar. I do not want any addictions, though commonly assumed to be harmless, as they really do create symptoms or variations to mood and energy that I would like to avoid. Just to note so there is not a surprise, weaning off those can have their own little withdrawal or detox but nothing to worry about. Nothing scary or major but may account for you feeling a little more symptomatic very temporarily and for the better. 
 

Hoping you are having a great, windowy kind of day!

[sunnysideup69]

9 hours ago, insistpersistresist said:

 

Also I wanted to chime in on an earlier post you made about histamine. I was on sertraline (same class as citalopram) and I found, only looking back, the answer to what happened to me in an earlier withdrawal. I became super sneezy and had all these allergy symptoms for like a month when I had never had allergies prior. You are right—that histamine gets suppressed and then in withdrawal can get released in an exaggerated manner. I think I have developed food sensitivities and heightened histamine response to internal and external substances. Hoping it will subside in time. Also get itchy rashes on my face or stomach from time to time. But it is nice to understand the reason—that helps.

 

This is so interesting ! Also, initially it was the left side of my face that was spotty and now it's the right side. It's so weird...like a little map to what's happening in my brain and CNS. Might avoid high histamine foods for a bit. I was making my own sauerkraut, but fermented food is pretty high in histamine I think, so I have cut it out for the moment, will have to research other foods.....

I don't get spots , generally speaking, and I had a hunch it was from the Citalopram. Added to which, am stabilising on Venlafaxine....that's a whole other story.....

I'm also super sneezy since stopping the Cit. One thing that has gone away though, is the 'Citalopram yawning.' I guess that's the sedative effect. I've had all of these skin symptoms since about three months off the Citalopram.

Good to meet you @insistpersistresist....and I really like your name  

[Giulietta]

Hello Sweetie,

 

Happy New Year (if I didn't already mention)! Well done on getting home without too much distress. I think the little bump may be the change in routine and the event itself - even though you have traveled to your friend's house before.

 

On 1/5/2020 at 8:07 AM, Adili13 said:

Try not to overthink it, sunnyside. Just another patch needed for a little more repair work. Take the time to rest and see it as your nervous system just doing a little more work. I know how easy it is to get frustrated by symptoms after a little stretch of lessened symptoms.  

 

Perfectly said, @Sottana.  Overthinking leads to more anxiety for anyone I know. If you don't have an answer yourself or need an opinion about sometig - ask. Better than wracking your brain. Have you thought of asking the opinioins of people you respect/trust what they suggest / think - and consider that?

 

Agree on needing more time for the CNS to adust and it is frustrating when some sysmptoms appear after a window.

 

On 1/5/2020 at 1:17 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

I think we get carried away with fancy supplements ( I certainly did in the past) when in fact all we need to do is drink more water, add a squeeze of lemon, etc. 

 

Yes. There are little or no controls around them. We need a proper diet and hydration - and if we don't get recommended amounts of nutrients from food - like omega 3's - we need to supplement. If you're a menopausal woman, unless you get 1200 mg a day of calcium you want to add a calcium supplement to protect against bone fractuers (in addition to weight bearing exercise).

 

Good luck today.

 

Hugs,

giulietta

 

[insistpersistresist]

Even if you are a little bit more symptomatic, I think it is wonderful that you did all that you did over the holiday break with traveling, family, etc. You are not letting your anxiety and fear restrict you (even though that's okay when it does) and you are dealing with symptoms as they arise. You should feel very strong about that. 

[sunnysideup69]

21 minutes ago, insistpersistresist said:

Even if you are a little bit more symptomatic, I think it is wonderful that you did all that you did over the holiday break with traveling, family, etc. You are not letting your anxiety and fear restrict you (even though that's okay when it does) and you are dealing with symptoms as they arise. You should feel very strong about that. 

Thank you- yes, I only really realised today that I was quite busy in the holidays....just trying to retrain my brain, 'the world is a safe place to be, I'm safe in my body' etc. Hope you're doing well, will drop by your thread and take a look.....

[insistpersistresist]

I need to start saying those same phrases, thank you! When I have a flare of some new symptom, it makes me shrink and restrict my world and activities. It is a process, no doubt! I am doing okay. My main symptoms that have flared most recently, leading me to become more active on this site, are muscle pain and tension, anxiety, burning eyes, and rosacea/facial reactivity. I am 6 months completely off of sertraline. Going to go for a swim to see if that helps stretch out my muscles. I gave it up for a couple of weeks to see if that would help my skin's dryness and redness, but its absence may have caused my muscles to contract more than usual. So, we'll see how it goes...Have a good day!

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Sunday 5th January 2019 ....more of a WD normal day, waves of anxiety

 

 

610 looked at clock, surprised I managed to rest this long. Made tea. Only had two mugs. Beginning to reduce. Felt a bit amped up this morning, like I've had shots of espresso

645 breakfast

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR plus fish oil. Feeling of amped upness has turned into anxiety, around 2, had a bath

 

Lots of physical tics/jerks this morning.

 

This morning, I'm resting at home. Morning is punctuated with waves of feeling ok, then anxious, then ok. Going back to work tomorrow, could be playing on my mind a bit.

1300 lunch 

Again this afternoon is waves of feeling ok interspersed with waves of anxiety, mostly around a level 2

1600 do gym exercises

1800 put on body scan meditation, fall asleep !!

 

2230 wake suddenly, go to bed, lights out

 

[sunnysideup69]

1 minute ago, insistpersistresist said:

I need to start saying those same phrases, thank you! When I have a flare of some new symptom, it makes me shrink and restrict my world and activities. It is a process, no doubt! I am doing okay. My main symptoms that have flared most recently, leading me to become more active on this site, are muscle pain and tension, anxiety, burning eyes, and rosacea/facial reactivity. I am 6 months completely off of sertraline. Going to go for a swim to see if that helps stretch out my muscles. I gave it up for a couple of weeks to see if that would help my skin's dryness and redness, but its absence may have caused my muscles to contract more than usual. So, we'll see how it goes...Have a good day!

Thank you! It's 7 in the evening here, day has been good......can so relate to the facial reactivity. My skin is sore and really quite odd at the moment. Have a good swim and a lovely day ❤️

[sunnysideup69]

Feeling a bit triggered this morning. I've realised there is some content I can't read, because the situation is just too close to my own. Ruminating a bit about past mistakes with recreational drug use and how I must have really kindled my system....a LOT. Looked back over the decisions I made over the last three years with drugs, prescribed and non prescribed and feeling really regretful. I know this is a bit pointless, what's done is done, all I can do is make better decisions going forward. This really is a step into a different life.

 

I know other people here must also have made similar mistakes.

 

Trying to rationalise it to myself. People recover from cocktails of multiple 'prescribed' drugs at various times. Given that I've also hurt my system with different drugs (not prescribed), I guess I can still recover. Struggling with a bit of intrusive thinking that I won't, this morning.

 

I absolutely have to hold on where I am - not that I was planning otherwise.

 

Realise that I'm also a little bit tired after going back to work yesterday, have been a little bit up and down since Sunday, nothing too severe. Just the usual ups and downs. Anyway, onward with the notes.....

 

Notes for Monday 6th January 2020 ....my notes are quite bad for today, because I was back at work. 

 

400 ish woke, some restless turning then dozed until 5

500 got up

630 breakfast

745 left for work

1300 lunch

1530 left for home

1615 arrive home, have a snack less anxiety in the evening

2030 body scan meditation, fell asleep, woke around 2115

2130 took self to bed

 

All day, anxiety levels are around 2, nothing severe, and some occasional 'flatness' which again is around 2

[sunnysideup69]

That last post was an emotional spiral. I think I'm a bit tired this morning. Since last Thursday I have come home from catsit, gone back to parents house to see them, returned to London and gone back to work. That's actually quite a lot and is probably why I'm feeling a bit shaky over the last couple of days. Any encouraging words deeply appreciated.

 

I'm also missing Coconut the cat. It was lovely to see my parents, too.

 

Weird how tiredness can create uptick in symptoms.

[sunnysideup69]

On 1/3/2020 at 5:05 PM, MissyE said:

This is good news Sunny.  Staying away and family are big triggers and you're managing it girl!  Good on you.

 

Glad the anxiety management reminders are helpful.  I'm reading back through the self help stuff on the site whenever I get chance; while trying not to get obsessed about WD.  

 

Hugs,

Missy 

 WD is never far from my mind, to be honest. I find the mornings are worst, I'm often anxiously checking in on how I feel. Thank you for the encouragement  It was lovely to see my mum and dad, went back to work yesterday-thank god I'm only part time. I'm knackered today and have increased symptoms, but I guess that's to be expected after catsitting/going home/coming back and going to work.

Anyway, how are you?

[RichT]

14 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

That last post was an emotional spiral. I think I'm a bit tired this morning. Since last Thursday I have come home from catsit, gone back to parents house to see them, returned to London and gone back to work. That's actually quite a lot and is probably why I'm feeling a bit shaky over the last couple of days. Any encouraging words deeply appreciated.

 

I'm also missing Coconut the cat. It was lovely to see my parents, too.

 

Weird how tiredness can create uptick in symptoms.

Hi Sunnysideup69, yes, that´s a lot of activity in a short time! I know that amount of busyness would make me feel worse for sure. 
Sometimes it’s worth it though to get a sense of connection, or achievement.

 

Give yourself time to relax and settle down internally, it may take a little while, but it will happen.

 

best wishes,

 

Rich

[insistpersistresist]

My thoughts are with you! We cannot change the past so don’t get down on yourself. There are millions of us medicated and in the same boat. Just the toughest of us jumped off and are swimming for brighter horizons in spite of rough seas at times. Hang in there!!

[sunnysideup69]

6 hours ago, RichT said:

Hi Sunnysideup69, yes, that´s a lot of activity in a short time! I know that amount of busyness would make me feel worse for sure. 
Sometimes it’s worth it though to get a sense of connection, or achievement.

 

Give yourself time to relax and settle down internally, it may take a little while, but it will happen.

 

best wishes,

 

Rich

Thanks Rich, yes, I think I underestimate the impact of outside activity when I'm stabilising. It has definitely wobbled me a bit, especially yesterday- was pretty much on the couch all day after a run in the morning.

I did have a mostly good time over Christmas and New Year, though, so it was worth it. 

Two more days of work and then I can relax.

[sunnysideup69]

Morning @Gridley, how are you? Quick question for you, if you don't mind.

I'd say I'm still stabilising, WD from Citalopram and adjusting to Venlafaxine. Not stable yet

 

My weeks are a mixture of:

some good days, which are a window- had a few of those in strings in December (I counted about 10 in total)

 

some days where anx/dep is about normal level of 3, following the pattern of worse in the morning and getting better throughout the day (that's kind of WD normal for me) although I'm kind of flat

 

some days where anxiety/depression feels worse (eg last two days) and seems to not follow usual pattern, uptick in symptoms generally

 

This is pretty much ongoing, so do I need to keep posting daily diary, do you think?

 

**Also, note to self. MUST NOT do meditations in early eve, because I fall asleep, waking up around my going to bed time. I need to stay up until 2130 at the earliest**

[Gridley]

11 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

 

This is pretty much ongoing, so do I need to keep posting daily diary, do you think?

 

Since they're the same, I do see the need to post a daily diary.

[sunnysideup69]

5 minutes ago, Gridley said:

 

Since they're the same, I do see the need to post a daily diary.

 

Okay, @Gridley, will carry on

[sunnysideup69]

Notes for Tuesday 7th January 2020 uuuuugh horrible day, better in eve

 

Woke around 4, restless dozing til 5

630 feeling anxiety around 2/3, intrusive thoughts about past drug mistakes

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR plus 1100mg fish oil

  anxiety and rumination 3/4

800 physical anxiety, clenched muscles in arms and chest, feel really shaky this morning

900 mood lifting slightly

1110 returned from run, still preoccupied with mood

1200 lunch

1500 still anxiety around 3, has been all day, heartbeat a bit pronounced

1700 beginning to feel better, anxiety 1

1800 started listening to Baylissa and fell asleep, woke at 2250! Took myself to bed but now difficult to sleep, probably didnt get to sleep until 0000, was a night of waking and weird dreams

 

Bit of an anxiety peak today and I AM REALLY MESSING UP MY SLEEP ROUTINE. Need to reign it in, it's been all over the place since I went home and came back. Must not go to bed/ sleep until 930. No good meditating in early eve as I just fall asleep.

 

 

[Gridley]

So sorry, I meant I don't see the need to carry on. Sorry to put you through the extra work.  

 

Sleep is such a big issue.  I know you can't get melatonin in the U.K. without a prescription (ridiculous) but I cut my dose from 0.5 to 0.25 for the last three nights and am sleeping much better.  There was a long post on SA about it, and there were some findings that 0.3 was the optimal dose.

[sunnysideup69]

1 minute ago, Gridley said:

So sorry, I meant I don't see the need to carry on. Sorry to put you through the extra work.  

 

Sleep is such a big issue.  I know you can't get melatonin in the U.K. without a prescription (ridiculous) but I cut my dose from 0.5 to 0.25 for the last three nights and am sleeping much better.  There was a long post on SA about it, and there were some findings that 0.3 was the optimal dose.

Ah ok, no worries @Gridley Yeah, it's a real shame we can't get it here, I agree it is so so stupid as it's so helpful! I have a friend who often travels stateside, so I might be able to get her to pick me some up.

Mostly though, I just need to stop napping before bedtime. If I go to bed at 930 ish, I usually get 6.5 to 7 hours sleep, which is not too bad, but it would be handy to have the melatonin for times when I might sleep away from the flat. Thanks Gridley, this info is really helpful about dosage.

[Gridley]

1 minute ago, sunnysideup69 said:

dosage.

 

Here's the link to the company that sells 0.3mg melatonin for when someone comes from the States.

 

(available on Amazon) is exactly 0.3 mg.

[sunnysideup69]

1 minute ago, Gridley said:

 

Here's the link to the company that sells 0.3mg melatonin for when someone comes from the States.

 

(available on Amazon) is exactly 0.3 mg.

Thanks so much!

[MissyE]

On 1/7/2020 at 11:25 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

Anyway, how are you?

Thank you for asking, I'm battling the anxiety and trying to increase my capacity for healthy stress and remember to use healthy self soothing methods rather than dissociating.

Also trying to avoid extra ruminating by not visiting SA/trawling the internet for ways to feel better every day.  It's hard work! If I could just read yours and a handful of other proactive threads I'd be ok, but l get triggered by how badly other people are suffering.  Then I feel guilty because l want to reach out, but l have to stop and remember I'm no help to anyone if I'm not looking after myself.

Lovely you enjoyed seeing your parents ❤️. You are working your boundaries well.  Yes you deserve a rest.  🤗 Missy

[Giulietta]

2 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I have a friend who often travels stateside, so I might be able to get her to pick me some up.

Mostly though, I just need to stop napping before bedtime.

 

Hi Sweetie,

 

How are you! Eke. Napping before bedtime is a no-no. That is guaranteed to disturb a good night's sleep. 

 

I wonder how your friend will get it through customs....it is absurd that you cannot purchase without a script. Why couldn't you get one?

 

32 minutes ago, MissyE said:

I'm battling the anxiety and trying to increase my capacity for healthy stress and remember to use healthy self soothing methods rather than dissociating.

Also trying to avoid extra ruminating by not visiting SA/trawling the internet for ways to feel better every day.  It's hard work! If I could just read yours and a handful of other proactive threads I'd be ok, but l get triggered by how badly other people are suffering.  Then I feel guilty because l want to reach out, but l have to stop and remember I'm no help to anyone if I'm not looking after myself.

 

This is perfectly said, Missy. I feel the exact same way - word for word.  Others I know feel the same way.

 

Even when I stop to visit friends - like @sunnysideup69 I see other threads, etc. and have to stop by and offer my support.

 

On days - esp. successive days - when I do not log in - I am generally better off. 

 

 

3 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Notes for Tuesday 7th January 2020 uuuuugh horrible day, better in eve

 

 

Very crummy day. Sorry! Remember all the recent good days (and mostly good days) and know they are around the corner.  I have been thinking of you, my friend, in London.

 

Time for me to get off the system entirely - feed my dog - and start having positive thoughts and expectations. I will try hard to meditate toinght. I seem to drift in and out of sleep so I don't know if I am doing the right thing or not. @sunnysideup69 what doyou think?

 

It's 10 pm in England. Hope you've not had a nap and gone to bed and will have sweet dreams.

 

Hugs,

Giulietta

[sunnysideup69]

Okay, gonna continue with notes up until Friday, then am going to stop, as mentioned above. Will see it through til the end of this week, though.

Today started badly but then turned into quite a good day  I'd say WD normal

 

Notes for Wednesday 8th January, 2020

 

Disturbed sleep 0000 until 400 hours, because of previous napping....

400 get up feeling anxious

600 anxiety is around 4/5, cortisol spike, feeling tense and tearful, seems to have continued as it was yesterday

630 breakfast

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR plus 1100mg fish oil

700 leave for work, anxiety around 4, some palpitations, my heart hurts, physical tension in the chest

745 arrive, still tense

Gradually over the morning, the tension dissipates, anxiety remains around 1 or 2 for the rest of the day

Eat chocolate, oh dear

1215 lunch

1700 arrive home, tidy up, eat supper, it's a bit of a junk meal, havent got organised this week

1900 watching a webcast, feeling relaxed

2030 meditation, fall asleep (no more meditation in the evening, unless it's directly when I arrive home)

2150 put myself to bed, fall asleep easily, some waking when dreaming but I think I manage about 7 hours, bit broken

 

My NY resolution is to create a proper sleep routine, this is where I fall down and is probably key to further recovery

 

[sunnysideup69]

Ok so....hello everyone. @Guilietta, I will respond properly to your lovely message tomorrow. I've been back at work this week and it has gone well, both days with kids were good. I do feel as if I'm stressing less over things. Morning anxiety is HORRIBLE some days, but other days hardly there.

 

I've had really weird skin, some strange breakouts, they look like spots but if I squeeze them (ew! I know) they are watery blisters. Very odd. The ones around and under my left eye are going, had some around my mouth....I'm pretty sure it's all a weird WD thing.

 

And tonight, for the first time since September, I'm going out to 5 rhythms...it's a movement meditation practice. Feeling a bit nervous about going and it finishes when I'd normally be going to bed, but at least it will stop me from napping in the evening!

[thelegend]

1 hour ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Ok so....hello everyone. @Guilietta, I will respond properly to your lovely message tomorrow. I've been back at work this week and it has gone well, both days with kids were good. I do feel as if I'm stressing less over things. Morning anxiety is HORRIBLE some days, but other days hardly there.

 

I've had really weird skin, some strange breakouts, they look like spots but if I squeeze them (ew! I know) they are watery blisters. Very odd. The ones around and under my left eye are going, had some around my mouth....I'm pretty sure it's all a weird WD thing.

 

And tonight, for the first time since September, I'm going out to 5 rhythms...it's a movement meditation practice. Feeling a bit nervous about going and it finishes when I'd normally be going to bed, but at least it will stop me from napping in the evening!

aounda like you are making progress, that is really good!