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sunnysideup69: what can I do to stabilise on venlafaxine

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sunnysideup69
1 hour ago, MissyE said:

Morning love.  I have a triangle of spots on my left cheek (like a therefore) near my mouth and spots and rashes around my mouth.  Saw them and thought of you 😘

 

That made me chuckle....solidarity in our spottiness, Missy :) I'm beginning to accept mine a bit more. Kind of. Sorta.

 

 

1 hour ago, MissyE said:

  I also have red under my nose like I'm a bloody coke head or have a cold all the time or both. I can't remember when this first came but it hasn't gone yet.

 

 

Yeah, I have this too! I even see it going into my nose a little bit, which looks well dodgy! My top lip, when I overheat (like yesterday on my run) also goes a bit red and blotchy like it's going to break out, but it doesn't. It's all so flippin weird. I'm actually going to do a few weeks of celery juicing in the mornings. I'm thinking all this comes from inflammation in the body, caused by the stress of WD. Not really looking forward to the celery, but I've heard it's anti inflammatory.

 

1 hour ago, MissyE said:

 

I'm using this window to spring clean my house and declutter.  First time exercise has gone on the back burner.  Only til I'm up to home baseline then I'll get back on it.  Still getting outside for fresh air.

The atmosphere here is gorgeous at the moment.  So much giggling and fun.  Mummy's mood really does set the tone for the family.  Have a good day.

Love Missy x

 

I'm so glad to read this! You sound in good spirits Missy, long may it continue :)

 

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MissyE
12 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

That made me chuckle....solidarity in our spottiness, Missy :) I'm beginning to accept mine a bit more. Kind of. Sorta.

 

Hahaha I have an image of us when we meet up (I hope we do some day).  Instead of a flower in our lapel to help recognise each other, we have the spots and red noses 🙈

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sunnysideup69

Notes for Sunday 19th January ...WD normal kind of day, some minor anxiety which fades as day progresses

 

3am woke, back to sleep

woke again 450 ish

520 up

some intrusive, anxious thoughts about work this am, anxiety around 2

700 Venlafaxine XR 75mg plus fish oil 1100mg

Been a bit obsessive about skin this morning and anxiety has stayed around 2

1230 lunch

Did my gym exercises this afternoon, actually feeling quite tired today

Just relax, take a short afternoon walk, watch tv

1800 supper then youtube/tv

1945 watching gardening prog lulls me to sleep

woke up, not sure when, then put myself to bed, fell asleep straight away

 

 

Notes for Monday 20th January...WD normal kind of day, some minor anxiety which fades as day progresses

A bit wakeful from early on, guessing from around 4am, but kept closing eyes and drifting off again

510 got up, drank celery juice ( gonna try this for 30 days to see if it helps skin to recover )

6am drank tea

630 ate breakfast

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR plus 1100mg fish oil

Again, minor anxiety today, about 2

800 shower and meditation ( have been meditating every day for 20 mins, I just forget to log it. Ditto, showering :D )

1230 lunch slightly sore throat and chills today, minor headache

 

Afternoon, mostly anxiety has gone, still obsessing a bit about skin today. I want my clear skin back! But I know it's all part of the WD process. Trying to change the channel and not indulge the compulsion to keep checking my skin. God, WD keeps throwing up tests, doesn't it? Been feeling quite tired also today. Went out this afternoon to buy ingredients for a raw cake I am going to make friends...I do still have some dips in mood, but I'd call them 'apathy' rather than 'depression', now. I'm not lapsing into existential crisis any more, thank god.

1800 supper, then relaxing watching tv/ youtube

1900 began to feel sleepy, woke myself up a bit, walked around, but am pretty sure by 2000 was sleeping again

2230ish, woke on sofa, got up, took self to bed, immediately to sleep

 

 

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sunnysideup69

Knackered today, skin still weird, will post updates later after work. Just checking in to say hello, hang in there, to everyone :) 

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sunnysideup69

Will do a proper update tomorrow, on my day off. However, the good news is, since December 24th, my days have either been WD normal, which is okay and even a bit improved with minor anxiety, or windows ❤️❤️❤️ with only 2 days of feeling wavey, which were after some mental/emotional exertion.

 

Most days now, I'm not even thinking about WD apart from in the mornings. Over the last month I've been pretty much stable, with easily tolerable symptoms, which is such a relief after 18 months of struggling and thinking I won't stabilise. I'm so relieved.

 

Most prevalent symptoms still are sleep instability at times, although it's gradually improving.And some spots/ eczema.

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thelegend
15 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Will do a proper update tomorrow, on my day off. However, the good news is, since December 24th, my days have either been WD normal, which is okay and even a bit improved with minor anxiety, or windows ❤️❤️❤️ with only 2 days of feeling wavey, which were after some mental/emotional exertion.

 

Most days now, I'm not even thinking about WD apart from in the mornings. Over the last month I've been pretty much stable, with easily tolerable symptoms, which is such a relief after 18 months of struggling and thinking I won't stabilise. I'm so relieved.

 

Most prevalent symptoms still are sleep instability at times, although it's gradually improving.And some spots/ eczema.


Wow, so good to hear things are turning around for you! Gives me hope I might get there at some point as well. You have struggled through so much, you deserve this!!

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Cocopuffz17

That is so awesome to hear!! So happy for you! May many more great days follow!! 

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sunnysideup69
10 hours ago, thelegend said:


Wow, so good to hear things are turning around for you! Gives me hope I might get there at some point as well. You have struggled through so much, you deserve this!!

 

Thank you @thelegend, I'm living proof that things can take a while to settle. I'm getting there and you will, too.

 

 

8 hours ago, Cocopuffz17 said:

That is so awesome to hear!! So happy for you! May many more great days follow!! 

 

Thanks so much @Cocopuffz17, it's great to feel you're healing, isn't it? Gives me hope that I will eventually successfully taper off, too.

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sunnysideup69

Ok, have stopped with the daily notes now as I'm levelling out ❤️ Will resume again when I start my taper. I'm not yet six months post switching and I feel as if I'd like to add another six onto that just to enjoy some stability. I wobbled for a good year and a half and did some kindling, so I'm not rushing again.

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sunnysideup69

Hello friends, am here for a chat and a quick reccy of all your threadsa.

 

@Gridley, hello! Thought I'd say thanks for all your encouragement thus far. Good news is, I've been relatively stable over the last month, since 26th December. Still ups and downs but they are minor and manageable.

Guess I'm tempting fate by telling you this, but ...stability s happening. Still gonna be cautious though. I'm only 5.5 months into switching to Venlafaxine. Will see how I feel about tapering when I get another two months of stability, although am also thinking I want to hold longer as I'd really like to get to the end of the summer term at school with relative ease. 

You kept telling me I'd be ok, and I am, so thank you :) 

Main symptoms left are spots/eczema which gradually appeared after the 3 months-post- Citalopram mark and are still there, but only on my face (typical.) Hopefully this seems to have peaked and will now heal....oh by the way, I contacted prescribing psych who switched me to Venlafaxine and he said the facial stuff was unlikely to be due to the Ven as it would most likely have occurred much sooner than 3 months, so we were right about it most likely being Citalopram. 

 

Anyways, hope your jaunt back to the village down the mountain has been okay.

 

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Erell

Oh dear ! I can't tell you how pleased I am To read how Well you're stabilising! You deserve it, enjoy these quiet days ❤

 

I also want To thank you : I read a lot of your posts on SA, you're a beautiful person giving Time To other survivors !

 

And thank you for sharing your expérience, you give everybody hope 🤗

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MissyE

What Erell said.  I'm reading and smiling.  Your skin will clear and glow once again, you're stable and healing and this too shall pass.  

Missy x

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sunnysideup69
1 hour ago, Erell said:

Oh dear ! I can't tell you how pleased I am To read how Well you're stabilising! You deserve it, enjoy these quiet days ❤

 

I also want To thank you : I read a lot of your posts on SA, you're a beautiful person giving Time To other survivors !

 

And thank you for sharing your expérience, you give everybody hope 🤗

 

Aw @Erell, that's so lovely. Thank you. It is such a relief to have a relatively stable time after such a long recovery...and thank you for the compliment. Likewise, you are wonderfully generous with people.

I'm glad this inspires hope. I won't be going anywhere, will still be here posting, it's important to let people know that you can struggle for AGES stabilising, but basically be ok in the end ❤️

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sunnysideup69
28 minutes ago, MissyE said:

What Erell said.  I'm reading and smiling.  Your skin will clear and glow once again, you're stable and healing and this too shall pass.  

Missy x

Thanks so much @MissyE...we're healing and this all will be a distant memory, one day ❤️ 

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Gridley
On 1/26/2020 at 10:37 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

3 months-post- Citalopram mark

I think I've already said this, but the 3-month mark is a very common place when symptoms appear.

 

I'm so glad you're doing so well.  The switchover is working, and that's really great.  Yes, you are going to be okay.

 

Waiting until the end of the summer term sounds like a good idea to me.

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sunnysideup69
6 hours ago, Gridley said:

I think I've already said this, but the 3-month mark is a very common place when symptoms appear.

 

I'm so glad you're doing so well.  The switchover is working, and that's really great.  Yes, you are going to be okay.

 

Waiting until the end of the summer term sounds like a good idea to me.

 

Yep, am convinced the skin thing is a Citalopram cessation WD thing now. It was bang on three months post switch that the first bit of eczema started to appear. I often forget that skin is an organ, too and that all organs are affected by these drugs. Anyway, focussing now on self care as much as possible and will see how I feel in July, whether I'm ready to start a taper or not. Would like a few months of relative stability first. My nervous system is still fragile, I notice that when under stress.

 

 

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Guilietta

Hello Sweetie,

 

I see you are doing well although you would like to have the beautiful complexion back.  I have been off for a couple of weeks - multiple reasons - but wondering how you are, work, family, exercise classes and this WD nonesense.

 

About eczema - there are a few RX creams you could try if you want. I would describe my skin as very intolerant (more than sensitive). I have rosacea and seb dermatitis which are prone to flare-up during times of stress. When my skin flares up - and doesn't resolve in a couple of weeks - it will likely worsen -   so I end up using an RX cream. Otherwise I don't put a thing on it. Rinse with water. Maybe a very light basic moisturizer with SPF-15 (think Olay Simple Moisure - name in USA). No makeup. Little touching. No washcloth. No wipes. YOu may already do these things. :)

 

I  tossed  out my cream since it was past the expiration date.

 

Hugs,

Giulietta

 

 

 

 

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MissyE

Morning Sunny.  I was thinking about your taper and this may help while you keep holding til you're ready.  I have been tapering for a year in April and have gone from 300mg to 212.5mg.  I would be over the moon to be at 75mg, but that is for future Missy.  I am working on accepting that where l am right now is where l need to be and the slow taper has enabled me to have come this far.  You are getting ready to taper and perhaps planning your actual start date.  You will know when you're ready.  You're doing great.  For me the biggest challenge is holding. Love, peace, sparkles; namaste Missy x

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sunnysideup69

Hey @Guilietta, gonna play proper catch up with messages this weekend. Will PM you xxx

 

Re the eczema...it's on my eyelids and so my GP won't give prescription meds, no hydrocortisone etc. Don't know if that's a UK thing. So am using plain old aqueous cream...I think it's slowly healing up, it's not quite as stingy as it was, doesn't feel quite as dry, apart from the it that's under one eye. It's very strange and not like any eczema I've had before. I'm also randomly sneezy with itchy eyes, bit like hayfever....histamine is probably all out of whack, thinking my skin stuff is linked to histamine levels also

 

The spots around my mouth/ at right side of my nose are also really weird and are taking ages to heal. That's what convinces me it's WD....they are like nothing I've seen before. My skin also feels randomly itchy, then a bit sore. Just letting it heal itself as much as possible.

A beautician friend advised a glycolic acid serum to help the skin regenerate, I've used it a bit, but am kind of thinking I might just use my gentle cleanser and moisturiser now.

 

My skin seems to be in shock from the abrupt switch, these meds must really mess with our organs if they affect the skin like this, too.

 

Overall though, am doing a lot better :) Just hanging out, stabilising and trying to remember not to push myself even though am feeling better.

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Cocopuffz17
3 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Hey @Guilietta, gonna play proper catch up with messages this weekend. Will PM you xxx

 

Re the eczema...it's on my eyelids and so my GP won't give prescription meds, no hydrocortisone etc. Don't know if that's a UK thing. So am using plain old aqueous cream...I think it's slowly healing up, it's not quite as stingy as it was, doesn't feel quite as dry, apart from the it that's under one eye. It's very strange and not like any eczema I've had before. I'm also randomly sneezy with itchy eyes, bit like hayfever....histamine is probably all out of whack, thinking my skin stuff is linked to histamine levels also

 

The spots around my mouth/ at right side of my nose are also really weird and are taking ages to heal. That's what convinces me it's WD....they are like nothing I've seen before. My skin also feels randomly itchy, then a bit sore. Just letting it heal itself as much as possible.

A beautician friend advised a glycolic acid serum to help the skin regenerate, I've used it a bit, but am kind of thinking I might just use my gentle cleanser and moisturiser now.

 

My skin seems to be in shock from the abrupt switch, these meds must really mess with our organs if they affect the skin like this, too.

 

Overall though, am doing a lot better :) Just hanging out, stabilising and trying to remember not to push myself even though am feeling better.

I would say so..... I literally started shedding like a snake with the amount of skin I was losing during WDs. It is way better now and is back to normal. I agree if it does this to the skin what is it doing to our insides.  All the best! 

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sunnysideup69
On 1/31/2020 at 6:31 AM, MissyE said:

Morning Sunny.  I was thinking about your taper and this may help while you keep holding til you're ready.  I have been tapering for a year in April and have gone from 300mg to 212.5mg.  I would be over the moon to be at 75mg, but that is for future Missy.  I am working on accepting that where l am right now is where l need to be and the slow taper has enabled me to have come this far.  You are getting ready to taper and perhaps planning your actual start date.  You will know when you're ready.  You're doing great.  For me the biggest challenge is holding. Love, peace, sparkles; namaste Missy x

Hey @MissyE, thanks for this, it does help. I'm not gonna make any decisions re tapering yet, not until end of August, after the school summer hls. Decided I'd wait that long because my last two summer holidays have been awful, both fraught with not being stable. I'd like to be healthy enough to enjoy the time this year. In September, gonna see how I feel and think about a start date for tapering but, to be honest, that day might not be until the end of this year, 2020. It's been such a tough May 2018 til December 2019, I need some respite from suffering. My whole system needs it....my skin is making that apparent ;) 

 

I'm 51 this month and my loose tapering arrangement with  myself at the mo is I'd like to resume tapering before I'm 52. Likely by Next November/December.

Holding is tough, but I've learned the hard way, stability first. Need to get some CBT under my belt first, too, really gotta try to build better strategies for dealing with anxiety as that has been the driver of every lapse into breakdown/depression. That, plus alcohol. I've waved bye bye to alcohol forever, I think.

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sunnysideup69
13 minutes ago, Cocopuffz17 said:

I would say so..... I literally started shedding like a snake with the amount of skin I was losing during WDs. It is way better now and is back to normal. I agree if it does this to the skin what is it doing to our insides.  All the best! 

 

Really, you too? It's so weird, isn't it. Thanks @Cocopuffz17, reassuring to know it righted itself. I just gotta be patient and trust in the natural healing capacity of the body. I feel as if I'm watching my skin do what my brain is trying to do at the moment, if that makes any sense. It's a slow process.

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sunnysideup69

Hello survivors :) Quick update / hello/ notes for self also. 

 

Well, another decent week, WD normal, with windows. A couple of mornings slightly more anxiety, but nothing out of proportion. Also, it's nearly end of half term, we're in winter and I'm knackered, sure that's all contributing. Looking forward to school half term holidays.

 

My skin is still weird. I know it's WD, but have still obsessed a bit about it at beginning of week. Also, I got a 'normal' pimple on Thursday, which had dried up and gone away by this morning. These WD pimples are long lasting and heal very, very slowly, almost as if they are reflecting what's going on with my brain.

Was trying some fancy shmancy glycolic serum on them, but now have decided to just gently cleanse, moisturise with aqueous cream and that's it. Concentrate on feeding skin from within. Like the brain/CNS, the skin system will heal itself given time.

 

Forgot to mention this before, but round about the same time my skin started to go weird, mid November, I also developed a huge ulcer on the left inside of my bottom lip. It was really sore. And it just wouldn't heal. Got my GP to check it wasn't anything dodgy at the same time as he checked my skin and he attributed it to stress. I think it was the stress of WD. Finally, it has pretty much healed and gone away :) 

 

Sleep is still variable but overall not bad. I must be getting 6.5 to 7 hours a night, regularly, and have stopped the bad habit of falling asleep for three hours on the sofa. No napping before bedtime. My dreams are still quite 'busy' and during what must be my last period of REM sleep, I still tend to wake up. Rest of my sleep is a bit fitful, in and out of sleep. Hopefully this will also improve.

 

Work was quite stressful, felt it a bit on Friday but I'm coping better now.

I'm approaching the six month mark for medication switch, so it seems like six is the magic stability number for me. Gonna hold for at least another six months now, as it's been a tough 18 months. I need to recuperate.

 

Am experimenting with no Omega 3 supplements since last Thursday, I eat oily fish about 3x per week, so we'll see how that goes.

Final note to self. Been slipping on the daily meditation and restorative yoga this week. MUST NOT, as these hold me together.

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Guilietta

Hello Sweetie,

Just looked at your recent messages and othrs - vision poor and HA this morning (plus other stuff) but want tgo give you some feedback. Sorry about typos.

 

I understand the skin stuff is really updsetting - at a personal level I know this - eyes, mouth, nose, cheeks, dry and scaley and itchy, the whole stinking lot. I get it.  In brief (sort of):

 

The facial stuff is I am quite sure rosacea and seb derm - abbreviation for sebborheic dermatitis (at least the former) flare ups. I don't recommend 't antagonize with special creams, acids or anything unless MD prescribed. Less is best. Less contact is best. I use water and don't apply moisturers unless I need to. I have two topical meds on hand that I use when it flares up I think I provided names earlier. Depending on severity of  case and type of pimple etc. I use one or he other.

 

Are the things on the sides of your mouth kind of scaley? And they probably are sore when you eat? This is probably angular cheilitis. I get this too from time to time. I have been to the derm for it (and my collection of other derm %$##). 🤣 which is truly no laughing matter i realize. ;) I may dab a small bit of hydrocortisone cream on with a q-tip. It is the result of your autoimmune system not working.  This is related to rosaceua and seb derm. This takes time to heal. Don'it irrate. Some foods also may irritate - tomatos are an example - so maybe acidic?

 

Pimples and redness. Derm stuff flares up during periods of stress and anxiety. So even if you don't have a t rigger per se - it is just overall stress - you may/will experience this. If you have rosacea and seborrhic dermatitive (in combo or alone) - there is an extremely high likelihood this may happen. It has in some cases (inclulding minen) got bad but resolves with RXs. Somepeople are predisposed.

 

7 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Re the eczema...it's on my eyelids and so my GP won't give prescription meds, no hydrocortisone etc. Don't know if that's a UK thing

 

Are these chalazions or styes? Is it on the RIMof your eyelid or on the skin?  Is your vision affected?

 

I get chalazions or styes and Unless your eyes are very bad the opthalmologist wont' for good reason prescribe cortisone drops or creams. I get only when chalaians or styes are bad, increasing in size, etc. 

 

I'm out of thoughts for now. Sorry about your copmlexion and eyes and mouth.

 

If you have little white pimples really, really tiny - these may be milia. look up online. Again, I don't mess with these pesky things. I find mine go up and down and size.

 

Hugs. My skin - above all my crummy things growing up - I think bothered me the most. It will heal.

 

Your friend,

G.

 

 

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Cocopuffz17
7 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

 

Really, you too? It's so weird, isn't it. Thanks @Cocopuffz17, reassuring to know it righted itself. I just gotta be patient and trust in the natural healing capacity of the body. I feel as if I'm watching my skin do what my brain is trying to do at the moment, if that makes any sense. It's a slow process.

Absolutely it makes sense. Alcohol is huge, when I was feeling better I thought I could just have a few. I was wrong. I have cut it out indefinitely until I fully heal for sure. The setbacks it gave me are not worth it. Nutrition for me I find an absolute must. Soon as I slip from a healthy nutrition plan WD return in a day or two. 
 

All the best. Remember everyday that passes is one day closer to being healed! 

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sunnysideup69
On 2/1/2020 at 2:04 PM, Guilietta said:

Hello Sweetie,

Just looked at your recent messages and othrs - vision poor and HA this morning (plus other stuff) but want tgo give you some feedback. Sorry about typos.

 

I understand the skin stuff is really updsetting - at a personal level I know this - eyes, mouth, nose, cheeks, dry and scaley and itchy, the whole stinking lot. I get it.  In brief (sort of):

 

The facial stuff is I am quite sure rosacea and seb derm - abbreviation for sebborheic dermatitis (at least the former) flare ups. I don't recommend 't antagonize with special creams, acids or anything unless MD prescribed. Less is best. Less contact is best. I use water and don't apply moisturers unless I need to. I have two topical meds on hand that I use when it flares up I think I provided names earlier. Depending on severity of  case and type of pimple etc. I use one or he other.

 

Are the things on the sides of your mouth kind of scaley? And they probably are sore when you eat? This is probably angular cheilitis. I get this too from time to time. I have been to the derm for it (and my collection of other derm %$##). 🤣 which is truly no laughing matter i realize. ;) I may dab a small bit of hydrocortisone cream on with a q-tip. It is the result of your autoimmune system not working.  This is related to rosaceua and seb derm. This takes time to heal. Don'it irrate. Some foods also may irritate - tomatos are an example - so maybe acidic?

 

Pimples and redness. Derm stuff flares up during periods of stress and anxiety. So even if you don't have a t rigger per se - it is just overall stress - you may/will experience this. If you have rosacea and seborrhic dermatitive (in combo or alone) - there is an extremely high likelihood this may happen. It has in some cases (inclulding minen) got bad but resolves with RXs. Somepeople are predisposed.

 

 

Are these chalazions or styes? Is it on the RIMof your eyelid or on the skin?  Is your vision affected?

 

I get chalazions or styes and Unless your eyes are very bad the opthalmologist wont' for good reason prescribe cortisone drops or creams. I get only when chalaians or styes are bad, increasing in size, etc. 

 

I'm out of thoughts for now. Sorry about your copmlexion and eyes and mouth.

 

If you have little white pimples really, really tiny - these may be milia. look up online. Again, I don't mess with these pesky things. I find mine go up and down and size.

 

Hugs. My skin - above all my crummy things growing up - I think bothered me the most. It will heal.

 

Your friend,

G.

 

 

 

Thanks @Guilietta, this is very helpful.Will reply properly sooooon.....just staying off computer a bit today, feeling headachey xxx

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Adili13

Hey Sunnyside, 

 

Did you have akathisia while trying to stabilize and did it eventually abate?? Hope all is well friend!! 

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Guilietta
2 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

this is very helpful

 

Very glad. I hope I don't come across as 'bossy', etc. I have had these issues since a teenager so I speak from personal experience. ;)

 

staying off the computer is a good thing. very sorry about your headache.

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sunnysideup69
19 hours ago, Guilietta said:

 

Very glad. I hope I don't come across as 'bossy', etc. I have had these issues since a teenager so I speak from personal experience. ;)

 

staying off the computer is a good thing. very sorry about your headache.

Not bossy at all my lovely, was impressed with your knowledge. 

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Guilietta

I hope you are doing OK. Keep us posted on the derm stuff. It takes time to resolve.

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sunnysideup69
On 2/3/2020 at 8:05 PM, Adili13 said:

Hey Sunnyside, 

 

Did you have akathisia while trying to stabilize and did it eventually abate?? Hope all is well friend!! 

 

Hey @Adili13, I've had bouts of akathisia, yes.

First time was June 2018, when I did a massive updose from 2.5mg to 10mg Citalopram. I couldn't keep still as the days progressed. This didn't resolve but that's because it was such a huge updose...GP switched me back down to 5mg.

Then when I switched from Citalopram to Venlafaxine, in the second week. This peaked and resolved by itself and I then had milder bouts of feeling agitated but not for a while now. So yes, it's normal.

Hope you're doing okay my friend.

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Adili13

Thank you sunnyside! So good to hear it’s resolved for you!! Thanks for giving me hope, my friend. How’s everything with you? 

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sunnysideup69

Hey all, have been a bit quiet. Had some bad news about brother.

Unfortunately, his brain tumour has progressed. Even after a few rounds of radiotherapy and the initial surgery.

He has been given the prognosis of a few weeks to live.

I'm devastated for him, but to be honest, he doesn't really know what's going on.

The last few years have been hard on him. He has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember now, was making efforts to sober up but kept sliding back into drinking. Also got into a very toxic relationship. 

He had a stroke last August and on being admitted to hospital, they discovered a huge tumour. He had surgery and then radiotherapy. Just before Christmas he has been admitted into a retirement home for permanent care.

I got the news yesterday, but have been feeling some anticipatory dread for a while. I kind of knew it was coming. My brother is a lot older than me and over the last few years, because of his illness and then relationship, we haven't had much contact, but this is still a shock. 

 

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Adili13

Sunnyside, I’m so sorry to hear this news. I had no idea your family was dealing with such a difficult situation. I can’t imagine how difficult it all is, but you are strong and will get through it all. Now is the time to lean on friends and family that love and care about you. My thoughts will be with you and your family, and of course, your brother. I hope he doesn’t suffer too much. 
 

Anthony 

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sunnysideup69

Quick update. Since the news about my brother, I've taken two days off work. My sleep was awful two nights ago, woke at 2 am and couldn't get back to sleep, was processing the shock of now knowing my brother only has weeks to live. Last night woke at 330 am, but eventually went back to sleep. Woke again closer to 6am. About 5 hours each night, so am pretty shattered, hence not forcing self into work.

Just dealing with the emotional fallout of the news. Crying a lot. It comes in waves. I'm fine one moment and then crying the next. To be honest I've been grieving my brother a long time now, ever since realising he was an alcoholic. It's sad because I felt that he was getting a handle on things three years ago. But a bad relationship set him back on the wrong track. And now, the stroke and tumour.

BUT, I feel like I'm coping. I'm reaching out to friends and letting people know what's going on.I'm not isolating, I've learned it's not the way to go. I'm dreading going to visit him on Saturday as he's really confused, moody and just not himself. Hopefully we can spend some time together.

Ate complete crap yesterday because I didn't feel like cooking. So, I feel a bit washed out today. But, the day must go on. My skin is terrible, spotty and dry, but right now that feels so insignificant as to be ridiculous.

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Guilietta
On 2/4/2020 at 9:16 PM, sunnysideup69 said:

Had some bad news about brother.

 

Hello Sweetie,

 

Let me give you a huge hug and say how sad I am about this news. Loss is never easy - even though the person is getting worse and will not improve.

 

Sending my good wishes to you and your family. Life is rarely fair and certainly we've had our share of it - whether each other's WD, etc.  directly or family members.

 

On 2/6/2020 at 1:58 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

To be honest I've been grieving my brother a long time now

 

We all grieve in different ways. Having some time to accept/prepare for the loss of a loved one may make the passing a bit less traumatizing.

 

Thinking of you,

Big hugs,

G.

 

 

 

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