sunnysideup69: what can I do to stabilise on venlafaxine

[brassmonkey]

 I had short intense anxiety waves a number of times through out my taper. There was not much I could do about them, other than ride them out.  They tended to last about two to three weeks and then cleared up.  I just kept tapering through them, but a hold until they clear is a fine idea. For me it was just one of those symptoms I had to learn to live with.

 

Doing a "prozac bridge" is an option. Prozac is easier to taper off of.  From what I've seen making the switch has about a 50/50 success rate. If it doesn't work you then need to cross taper back to the paxil.  In watching other people the prozac doesn't seem to cover up the paxil WD symptoms all that well, but that's just my observation and reporting is sketchy at best. When everything goes right it is a very good method.

[Longroadhome]

59 minutes ago, brassmonkey said:

 I had short intense anxiety waves a number of times through out my taper. There was not much I could do about them, other than ride them out.  They tended to last about two to three weeks and then cleared up.  I just kept tapering through them, but a hold until they clear is a fine idea. For me it was just one of those symptoms I had to learn to live with.

 

Doing a "prozac bridge" is an option. Prozac is easier to taper off of.  From what I've seen making the switch has about a 50/50 success rate. If it doesn't work you then need to cross taper back to the paxil.  In watching other people the prozac doesn't seem to cover up the paxil WD symptoms all that well, but that's just my observation and reporting is sketchy at best. When everything goes right it is a very good method.

Thank you Brass 

going to take the time to consider my options 

just have a feeling the bridge might not work for me somehow 

appreciate your opinion 

stay safe take care 

LRH 

[sunnysideup69]

Saturday morning check in.

Got through my siblings' funerals this week. Thankfully, since last Monday, been feeling a bit more stable again. Ate quite a lot of chocolate over the funeral days, though, so reigning that back in again.

My sleep is still a bit wonky, but overall, am feeling okay. Time away from work is definitely helping my nervous system to settle.

My skin is still a bit crappy. 

I'm beginning to believe again that there is the strong possibility of my nervous system settling well over Spring / Summer. Hooray! But I need to get off the sugar and wheat to give myself the best chance, so I've started a dietary reset....again. Also, gonna make sauerkraut this weekend. Good old probiotics for the gut. Cutting back the caffeine slowly to one tea in the morning.

 

I'm serious now about getting off these drugs and I'll do what it takes with diet/sleep to get there. I'm back into the routine of morning meditation, and my exercise routine is always good. Sleep hygiene could be better....I don't always observe the 60 mins no-screens before bed system. I also need to make sure I'm building in some time for a hobby EVERY day e.g. gardening.

Anyway, not doing badly at all, all things considered.

[Malbec37]

Hey @sunnysideup69Good to hear that you're feeling more settled and stable...must have been so very tough to have to go through your siblings funerals so well done on showing such resilience

 

I see you mentioned wheat...do you think wheat (gluten) has an impact on withdrawal? I've been considering this recently and currently doing 2 weeks of no gluten to see if it helps withdrawal and also see if it helps open up my sinuses as I don't breathe very well

 

Sugar yes I agree and also caffeine...also any alcohol doesn't sit well it me currently 

 

We become so hyper sensitive during withdrawal but we are learning what our body needs and how to REALLY care for ourselves and this is a blessing

 

I started watching some of the Lovely Grind videos on YouTube and really enjoying them....he's so inspiring and uplifting - thanks!

 

Have a lovely weekend

 

Malbec

[sunnysideup69]

Hi @Malbec37,

Yes, definitely no alcohol for me, either. I'm a year alcohol free.

 

Well, I've read quite a lot about gut health and its impact upon mood....there's the gut brain connection via the Vagus nerve. The two organs are connected. And I know that wheat can have a tendency to cause 'leaky gut.' I don't have an allergy or anything, but I want to give my gut and microbiome the best chance to heal/thrive, because they directly impact mood. So, have decided to cut out the wheat.

 

I'm glad you like the lovely grind, the channel is really uplifting  

[Longroadhome]

4 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Saturday morning check in.

Got through my siblings' funerals this week. Thankfully, since last Monday, been feeling a bit more stable again. Ate quite a lot of chocolate over the funeral days, though, so reigning that back in again.

My sleep is still a bit wonky, but overall, am feeling okay. Time away from work is definitely helping my nervous system to settle.

My skin is still a bit crappy. 

I'm beginning to believe again that there is the strong possibility of my nervous system settling well over Spring / Summer. Hooray! But I need to get off the sugar and wheat to give myself the best chance, so I've started a dietary reset....again. Also, gonna make sauerkraut this weekend. Good old probiotics for the gut. Cutting back the caffeine slowly to one tea in the morning.

 

I'm serious now about getting off these drugs and I'll do what it takes with diet/sleep to get there. I'm back into the routine of morning meditation, and my exercise routine is always good. Sleep hygiene could be better....I don't always observe the 60 mins no-screens before bed system. I also need to make sure I'm building in some time for a hobby EVERY day e.g. gardening.

Anyway, not doing badly at all, all things considered.

Sounds like a plan Sunny 

I hope the funerals brought you some peace. 
good that you are settling down and not feeling too bad. 
Routine and sensible diet make all the difference 

Take care 

LRH

[RichT]

Hi Sunnysideup69,

 

So sorry to hear about your double bereavement. Thinking of you.

 

best wishes

 

R

 

[sunnysideup69]

On 4/25/2020 at 12:03 PM, Longroadhome said:

Sounds like a plan Sunny 

I hope the funerals brought you some peace. 
good that you are settling down and not feeling too bad. 
Routine and sensible diet make all the difference 

Take care 

LRH

Well, am wobbling again, and I know it's diet. I have been eating a lot of sugar over and since the funerals....and it ALWAYS catches up with my nervous system eventually. Yesterday and again today, am feeling worse again. After a run of nine good days. It's tough going through bereavement, as well as stabilising. Really hoping May/ June/ July bring calmer waters. I'm kind of enjoying the time away from school, but it has also left me a bit routine-less and isolated, which doesn't help. Trying to build up routine in other ways.

I do think some of it is grief after the funerals, but also, I know it's diet. Whenever I have a sugar binge, a wave tends to follow. I don't know why I do it.....was relatively easy to give up alcohol, this is a lot harder. But am determined now, May is going to be dietary reset month. It's just not worth eating sugar and feeling like crap.

Apart from rubbish diet, am getting enough exercise and sleep. Doing my daily meditation. Living alone at this time can be tough, so I've been trying to whatsapp friends, do some online classes (well, one a week, really.)

17 hours ago, RichT said:

Hi Sunnysideup69,

 

So sorry to hear about your double bereavement. Thinking of you.

 

best wishes

 

R

 

Thanks Rich. It has definitely created some waves. Hopefully will settle again now.

[Hanna72]

49 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Whenever I have a sugar binge, a wave tends to follow. I don't know why I do it.....was relatively easy to give up alcohol, this is a lot harder.

Spot on with me too. I am exactly the same, alcohol not a problem but man that sugar is like a whole different ballgame.

It’s just amazing how much better I feel if I stick with a sugar free and low carb diet. 
Let’s go Sunny💪

 

[sunnysideup69]

8 minutes ago, Hanna72 said:

Spot on with me too. I am exactly the same, alcohol not a problem but man that sugar is like a whole different ballgame.

It’s just amazing how much better I feel if I stick with a sugar free and low carb diet. 
Let’s go Sunny💪

 

You're right Hanna72, .......the sugar is like kicking hard drugs, almost as bad as getting rid of the antideps. BUT we will do it. My latest sugar binge has really made symptoms flare up and it's just not worth it.

Let's go! Am with you xxx

[Malbec37]

@sunnysideup69Don't forget you are doing amazing! You've had a double bereavement recently which is immensely tough. But yes I agree with the sugar thing...when I was first trying to stabilise in Jan after some drops and then updoses it totally unbalanced my system and I was stuck in a long horrible wave that we all know too well and then I had a window where I felt great for a whole day and I felt so happy! I went to the cinema and treated myself to some ice cream to celebrate and I did not sleep a wink that night and was right back into a wave the next day...so I learnt a lesson about sugar!

 

If I want something sweet at night now I have either plain soy yoghurt with a little organic honey (sugar I know but better than refined) or soy vanilla yoghurt...sometimes add a little quality peanut butter and it's a nice evening treat before bed

 

Hoping more windows come for you soon

 

Malbec

[sunnysideup69]

@Malbec37, thank you, really needed that encouragement today......that evening treat sounds lovely. I've bought cashew nut butter today, that always helps me stay away from the sugar.

I've learned my lesson with the sugar now, too....especially when already stressed. It just cretaes waves. Need my system to calm down again after the stress of the last couple of months. Noted today that my diet has been intermittently bad since my brother's terminal diagnosis. I'm sure that hasn't helped, but not gonna beat myself up, just point myself back in the right direction for healing.

Good to hear from you, how are you doing?

[Malbec37]

Hey @sunnysideup69...yes we need to do whatever we can to stop the waves and maintain stability of the system if we are ever to get off these meds...which we will I have no doubt of it.

 

I'm doing well thanks for asking...been in a window for about 7 days now and just doing lots of things that are good for me and trying to limit those that aren't! I am coming towards 3 months stabilising on 15mg mertazapine and it's improving and the stability is certainly coming more and more...at some stage I will consider my approach for coming down from 15 to 0 but I know it's going to take me a long time as it's very much 10% per month at the most. 

 

But I have accepted this and I am up for the challenge. I DO NOT need this drug anymore and I probably haven't needed it for many years I just wasn't yet ready to go on this journey...I do not have a chemical imbalance in my brain and I do not need anti-depressants long term - I am healing bit by bit and moving towards what I value most: full health, vitality and happiness 

 

Have a good evening x 

[sunnysideup69]

That's right, @Malbec37, you DON'T have a chemical imbalance in the brain. It's actually the drugs that CAUSE the imbalance....they don't rectify one.

 

We will get there eventually. Have a great evening

[sunnysideup69]

Quick update. Will update on Fridays, as a reference.

 

Have been in a bit of a wave-let again since Wednesday, crashed after the funerals, but mostly precipitated by sugar. Kindly friends who took me to funerals brought me chocolate/ easter eggs etc. and I indulged and then continued until Wednesday this week. So, a whole week with chocolate every day. It was delicious, but it doesn't do my nervous system any good at all. By Wednesday, I was experiencing those energy crashes again and also feeling suddenly weepy. Also grief, of course, but the sugar rollercoaster didn't help.

 

So, final lesson about sugar learned. My system just can't take it as a daily thing. Maybe I can have a little bit on a special occasion, but it can't be a full time part of my diet. I  have two big mugs of tea in the morning, which I'm going to wean off now, also. Sugar eliminated from diet as of yesterday, so will give it a week before I start to cut down the caffeine. Think I've been trying to kid myself that caffeine doesn't make a difference, but I'm sure it must do. I was hoping that because I drink tea, not coffee, that the impact would be less.....but it's still caffeine. More than anything, I want my nervous system to feel stable again.

 

Also, I'm really critical of myself and I just don't see my own progress at times. I think I expect too much of my WD self. Like, I expect myself almost to be on top form all the time and that's just not realistic. Am actually surviving pretty well, all things considered. managed to go to two funerals last week, which would be difficult in any circumstances, let alone in WD. Thank you @Malbec37 for reminding me of that fact.

 

Also, I want to add that my waves recently, even though unpleasant, are still not as bad as I was experiencing say back in October/ November/ December. I just feel a bit of depression and heightened anxiety, pointlessness/meaninglessness and anhedonia, which lifts. I almost ALWAYS feel better in the evening, even in a wave....it's very rare now that I still feel awful before I go to bed.

 

Am pretty sure my sleep is generally better overall. I'm not really experiencing sleeplessness any more. Must at least be getting 6.5 hours of fairly solid sleep, with a bit more disrupted sleep after. Still some intense dreaming in the early hours....all of my REM sleep seems to be happening then.

 

I live alone and am sometimes finding lockdown tough in WD, but am keeping myself as busy as I can. Am also doing more online things for work next week, which will force me back into being a bit more social and will take the focus off of symptoms and grieving for a short while. Walked my friend's dog this morning and that really was a tonic!

 

Mostly though, I have a heart of admiration for all here who are struggling through the weird world situation and also coping with WD. I think it's criminal that iatrogenic injury from psychiatric drugs isn't taken as a serious 'thing.' I'd like to stand on my doorstep and clap for us all on a Thursday evening, as we have been doing for our national health service here in the UK. In fact, am gonna do that next week....dedicate my applause also to us, the antidepressant survivors.

 

Anyway, happy May Day ( Beltane) to you all. Wishing us all health and healing in these days of increasing light.

[Erell]

7 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

 

Also, I want to add that my waves recently, even though unpleasant, are still not as bad as I was experiencing say back in October/ November/ December. I just feel a bit of depression and heightened anxiety, pointlessness/meaninglessness and anhedonia, which lifts. 

 

And that's exactly the news we want 😄😘

 

In fact, to be honest : you went through so much lately, I actually think you're doing great. Meaning that Everybody would feel anxiety/dépression with such events.

 

I think of you, often, and wanna give you big hugs ❤

[sunnysideup69]

10 hours ago, Erell said:

 

And that's exactly the news we want 😄😘

 

In fact, to be honest : you went through so much lately, I actually think you're doing great. Meaning that Everybody would feel anxiety/dépression with such events.

 

I think of you, often, and wanna give you big hugs ❤

 

Awww, thank you Erell, you're always so encouraging to me 😊 I really appreciate it.

I think of you often, too, even when I'm not posting much. You have great resilience and it's infectious. 

I also think of you whenever I hear the word 'turd' and it makes me giggle 😂

[sunnysideup69]

Well, I know I've said this before so I hope I'm not jinxing myself. BUT I have reason to feel cautiously optimistic that my skin is healing up.

 

Exactly three months after stopping the Citalopram, I started to get these eczema-like eruptions on my face, started under my left eye, then moved to my eyelids, then under my right eye.

 

Then, seemed to be getting acne in the crease between upper lip and cheeks, on either side of my nose, and then that spread to either side of my chin. Has been quite red and angry looking. Soon realised it wasn't acne as there was no real 'content' to the spots, and they didn't clear up...they just stay kind of dry and crusty and eventually, after a month or two they start to flake away.

Now, it's by no means gone, but I don't seem to be getting new outbreaks. I had some sun on my face last week and that also seems to have helped my skin.

 

I'll be sooooo glad if my skin is clearing, I'll take that as a great sign of some further stabilisation. 

 

I've noted that sugar makes it worse, generally. As I had a sugar binge last week, am prepared for a fresh breakout, but overall skin is improving. I've used nothing fancy or abrasive and have been putting aqueous cream on my face- very plain and simple.

Ha! So! WD skin is improving....take that, Citalopram 😛 It's taken 5.5 months for it to calm down, but I think it's on the way to recovery.

[Hanna72]

14 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Ha! So! WD skin is improving....take that, Citalopram

With you on that one😃

 

18 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I'll be sooooo glad if my skin is clearing, I'll take that as a great sign of some further stabilisation. 

Yes everything that is improving is just another step towards the body healing for us. 

 

On 5/1/2020 at 11:02 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

Also, I'm really critical of myself and I just don't see my own progress at times. I think I expect too much of my WD self.

You are making progress that’s for sure. Considering everything you have been dealing with recently, that’s just shows how strong you are. You’ve got this💪
My best wishes to you and be kind to yourself. 
 

[Cocopuffz17]

Yay! I’m glad to hear your skin is healing! Vitamin D  from the sun is so beneficial for the human body! I have been making it a daily habit to get as much sun as I can. While on the medication I would sunburn and peel and turn white. Now I slightly burn and tan and feel way better the more sun exposure I get! I always tell everyone... make sure you get the D!!!

[sunnysideup69]

2 hours ago, Hanna72 said:

With you on that one😃

 

Yes everything that is improving is just another step towards the body healing for us. 

 

You are making progress that’s for sure. Considering everything you have been dealing with recently, that’s just shows how strong you are. You’ve got this💪
My best wishes to you and be kind to yourself. 
 

Thanks so much, @Hanna72, for these encouraging words, means a lot. My best wishes also to you xxxxx

[sunnysideup69]

1 hour ago, Cocopuffz17 said:

Yay! I’m glad to hear your skin is healing! Vitamin D  from the sun is so beneficial for the human body! I have been making it a daily habit to get as much sun as I can. While on the medication I would sunburn and peel and turn white. Now I slightly burn and tan and feel way better the more sun exposure I get! I always tell everyone... make sure you get the D!!!

 

Sun is amazing!And I definitely think that the sun gives me a lift and makes me feel lighter in spirit. It's meant to be a decent day here tomorrow so think I'm gonna sit outside and get some rays  

[sunnysideup69]

Think I'm pulling back out of this wave again, gradually. Three days now of no sugar, again. This time, I'm sticking to it, except for maybe every now and again. No more binges! I've got sugar WD now, happens every time. My sleep for the last two nights has been disrupted.

 

Can't complain too much though, as I get six unbroken hours between 10pm and 4 am, then I get routinely woken by dreams around that time and go in and out of patchy sleep for another hour and a half. SNRI and /or WD has definitely affected my sleep, all my REM sleep seems to be dumped to 4am-6am.

 

Realised this morning that it's a year since I joined this forum, made a profile, started educating myself about these drugs. I'd been wobbling a whole year before joining. Had a read back through whole thread last night and it was quite a reminder of how bad I felt two years ago and a year ago. This is proving to be quite a journey. Not stable yet, but the current level of my stability is not too bad considering all the mistakes I've made.

 

Happy Sunday, all  

[Longroadhome]

Hi sunny 

sounds like you haven’t really had stability for two years. Our CNS takes so long once it has been knocked to get back into sync . However it does happen we just need to wait patiently. Very difficult for me as I’ve never had patience at the best of times !!  
 

it has been the same for many others too 
 

 my sleep is very much like yours no problem getting off to sleep but wake up from around 4am every morning and then light sleep on and off . 
 

It makes it easier knowing WD does share  similarities with others. 
 

That’s why I called myself Longroadhome.. I knew there was going to be no short cuts !! 
as you say it’s proving to be quite a journey!!

take care and Happy Sunday right back at you ! 

[sunnysideup69]

@Longroadhome, hello

Yes, I messed around a lot with drugs and doses in 2018, after a too fast taper in 2017, then messed around again with updosing and switching to current Venlafaxine last summer. So, unfortunately set the clock back to zero last August, in terms of stabilising. Am at 8.5 months of Venlafaxine, could be holding here for some time yet......

 

So, my nervous system had a really good pranging. Unfortunately, the only thing that's gonna help that is....time. And as little stress as possible. As you say, patience has never really been my strongest suit, I'm a bit prone to doing sudden rash moves....or rather, I was. Have learned my lesson a bit there.

Hope you're doing okay today?

[sunnysideup69]

Well, still feeling wavey this morning. Yesterday was in and out of waves all day, didn't even follow the usual pattern of anxious in the morning and getting better as day progresses.

I can tell from how my body is, in the morning. Spirits feel low, have that weird electrical 'hum' in my head. Yesterday, had some weird intrusive thoughts about never being able to travel again. Thoughts about meeting up with friends for cofffee were freaking me out...felt some mild agoraphobia. The main give away for a wave though, is shaking and jerkiness. Also, some pain in smaller intestine area.

 

Put on a relaxation last night and it knocked me out at about 9pm. Woke at 10 30pm and took myself to bed. As usual, early waking because of a dream, probably about 4am (could also be increasing light/gap in curtains, need eye mask) but went back to sleep til 5 30 am.

 

Going to do an experiment this month, less running more walking. I've been through such a stressful time and I'm wondering if adding more stress to my tired body by jogging at the moment is actually helping. So, am volunteering to walk Bailey the dog twice a week, I walk to get her, then around the park, then go home and that's a good 5-6k. Running can come again later, when I'm feeling more rested and like I have some energy to spare. Will still do my exercise routine at home, though....bit of strength plus stretching. Probably what I need at the moment is less running, more stretching and relaxing. Going to practice a bit of kindness to my nervous system.

 

It's also day 5 of cutting out sugar (again) and so I'm sure that has notched up some symptoms temporarily. I have been really inconsistent with diet over February/ March/ April. Have to admit, I've eaten a lot of junk and comfort food, mostly as a response to bereavement. Well, it catches up eventually and I'm pretty sure has contributed to not feeling so stable during this time. The 'comfort' of sugar is a hard habit to break.

 

Despite all of the above, I'm still convinced that I am healing. I actually get in my own way with some of my habits.The good days give me hope. Would be really nice to get another window again soon, just to cheer me onwards.

[Hanna72]

4 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Going to do an experiment this month, less running more walking.

That’s a good game plan👍
For me I need to keep my nervous system in a cotton😅 I have to have everything simple. Avoid stress and keep a low profile. 
 

 

4 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

It's also day 5 of cutting out sugar 

Wow good job👍

 

4 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Despite all of the above, I'm still convinced that I am healing.

Yes you are already on your way💪
So nice that you are able to take a dog out for a walk. I love dogs, they have such a good spirit, and they always stay in the present moment. We sure could learn some things from them.

Have a good day, and believe in yourself 🙏

 

[sunnysideup69]

@Hanna72, thanks again for your encouragement.

I love my friend's dog, Bailey. She's such a gorgeous dog, always bouncy and happy, it's infectious. And it's a way of having some communion and interaction with another living thing, in these weird times. Going to walk her again on Saturday  

[Malbec37]

On 5/4/2020 at 7:25 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

Put on a relaxation last night and it knocked me out at about 9pm. Woke at 10 30pm and took myself to bed. As usual, early waking because of a dream, probably about 4am (could also be increasing light/gap in curtains, need eye mask) but went back to sleep til 5 30 am.

 

hey @sunnysideup69I have exactly the same issue with sleep...waking early because of dreams and unable to settle again...tossing and turning and lurching in and out of dreams but with no real rest...it can be really frustrating but has been going on for a long time now 

 

On 5/4/2020 at 7:25 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

Going to do an experiment this month, less running more walking.

This is a really good idea...walking is SO good for us and good for our bodies and minds

[sunnysideup69]

This is a bit of a serious post, I wouldn't read it if you're feeling easily triggered. It's a bit of an anniversary for me today. (Still in a wave currently, just trudging through it as best as I can.Grateful I don't have to show my face at work for the duration of May.)

 

Two years ago today, learned that I cannot tolerate even a miniscule amount of 'recreational' drug use, am now two years free. I'm embarrassed to admit that I had also made that mistake before...seemed intent on destabilising myself, in those days. I can confidently say that I will NEVER go back to mucking around with them. In fact, it was my regular use of street drugs  between 1997 and 2001 that lead to being diagnosed with 'anxiety and depression' in 2003 and was still struggling on and off up until 2008. I'm not sure I even had 'anxiety and depression'....I had a destabilised nervous system from recreational drug use, which was going through windows and waves as it recovered. Any time I drank alcohol in excess during that time, it triggered a wave. Wish someone had explained that to me at the time as looking back, it's so obvious.

 

This day, two years ago, was what set off two whole years of CNS instability. Because of the original instability, I then panicked, kindled, kindled a bit more with acupuncture and a drug switch. It's been one hell of a two years and I've had to learn some serious lessons.

 

I'm also a whole year alcohol-free. Currently 6 days sugar free (again. Gonna stick to it this time.) Soon to be caffeine free, have found it hard to let go of my morning cuppas but am tapering down.

 

Anyway, just leaving this here. The struggle has been immense over the past two years. But I'm still standing, still healing. Since last August, when I switched to Venlafaxine (that was my final mistake), I've been holding still. Not going anywhere, soon it will be nine months of holding. I'm going to keep holding until I have reached some stability again and then coast awhile. Then, time to think about a taper. Hopefully, by this time next year, I'll be feeling stable enough to begin.

 

 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

37 minutes ago, Malbec37 said:

 

hey @sunnysideup69I have exactly the same issue with sleep...waking early because of dreams and unable to settle again...tossing and turning and lurching in and out of dreams but with no real rest...it can be really frustrating but has been going on for a long time now 

 

This is a really good idea...walking is SO good for us and good for our bodies and minds

 

Yes, that early waking / restlessness is pretty typical in WD, I think. ADs change your 'sleep architecture' so you do all your REM sleep in one big blob, it seems. So those early hours are not deep sleep.

Really do feel like walking creates less cortisol and so would be better for stabilising, at the moment.

How are you doing? @Malbec37

[mstimc]

54 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

This is a bit of a serious post, I wouldn't read it if you're feeling easily triggered. It's a bit of an anniversary for me today. (Still in a wave currently, just trudging through it as best as I can.Grateful I don't have to show my face at work for the duration of May.)

 

Two years ago today, learned that I cannot tolerate even a miniscule amount of 'recreational' drug use, am now two years free. I'm embarrassed to admit that I had also made that mistake before...seemed intent on destabilising myself, in those days. I can confidently say that I will NEVER go back to mucking around with them. In fact, it was my regular use of street drugs  between 1997 and 2001 that lead to being diagnosed with 'anxiety and depression' in 2003 and was still struggling on and off up until 2008. I'm not sure I even had 'anxiety and depression'....I had a destabilised nervous system from recreational drug use, which was going through windows and waves as it recovered. Any time I drank alcohol in excess during that time, it triggered a wave. Wish someone had explained that to me at the time as looking back, it's so obvious.

 

This day, two years ago, was what set off two whole years of CNS instability. Because of the original instability, I then panicked, kindled, kindled a bit more with acupuncture and a drug switch. It's been one hell of a two years and I've had to learn some serious lessons.

 

I'm also a whole year alcohol-free. Currently 6 days sugar free (again. Gonna stick to it this time.) Soon to be caffeine free, have found it hard to let go of my morning cuppas but am tapering down.

 

Anyway, just leaving this here. The struggle has been immense over the past two years. But I'm still standing, still healing. Since last August, when I switched to Venlafaxine (that was my final mistake), I've been holding still. Not going anywhere, soon it will be nine months of holding. I'm going to keep holding until I have reached some stability again and then coast awhile. Then, time to think about a taper. Hopefully, by this time next year, I'll be feeling stable enough to begin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Sunny

 

This is a great post--thank you for sharing your journey.  You're wise the wait till you feel  more stable, and you have courage for maintaining a positive outlook for the future.  Healing will come!

[sunnysideup69]

4 minutes ago, mstimc said:

 

 

Hi Sunny

 

This is a great post--thank you for sharing your journey.  You're wise the wait till you feel  more stable, and you have courage for maintaining a positive outlook for the future.  Healing will come!

 

Thanks @mstimc, I believe it will too, even though I have my moments of doubting and wobbling. In a wave at the moment, which is when I doubt......but I know it will pass, it always does.Hope you're doing well?

[mstimc]

3 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

 

Thanks @mstimc, I believe it will too, even though I have my moments of doubting and wobbling. In a wave at the moment, which is when I doubt......but I know it will pass, it always does.Hope you're doing well?

Thanks for asking.  Doing ok.  Its hard being 6,000 miles away from friends and family during this crisis, but we're taking it day to day.  We were going to be here for about five years but because of all the restrictions, we may go back to the States for good when we return for our son's graduation next April. 

 

Stay safe--the UK is almost as bad as the US!

[sunnysideup69]

1 minute ago, mstimc said:

Stay safe--the UK is almost as bad as the US!

 

Thank you....it certainly is! It's been crazy. It's very difficult being separated from family at this time, indeed. Please stay safe, too  

[Malbec37]

1 hour ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Two years ago today, learned that I cannot tolerate even a miniscule amount of 'recreational' drug use, am now two years free. I'm embarrassed to admit that I had also made that mistake before...seemed intent on destabilising myself, in those days. I can confidently say that I will NEVER go back to mucking around with them. In fact, it was my regular use of street drugs  between 1997 and 2001 that lead to being diagnosed with 'anxiety and depression' in 2003 and was still struggling on and off up until 2008. I'm not sure I even had 'anxiety and depression'....I had a destabilised nervous system from recreational drug use, which was going through windows and waves as it recovered. Any time I drank alcohol in excess during that time, it triggered a wave. Wish someone had explained that to me at the time as looking back, it's so obvious.

 

Interesting thing here is that I have had very similar experiences....my anxiety and depression started during and after I was mucking around with a LOT of street drugs when at uni between 199 and 2003 - in particular I did a lot of ecstasy during this time and it undoubtedly contributed a lot to my problems but I never thought to see it like having a destabilised nervous system due to recreational drugs

 

So I think that was a big factor also in my life but by no means the only one as I had plenty of friends who also took as many drugs if not more and never seemed to struggle as much as I did with their mental health...so I think for me there are other factors at play including genetics and childhood trauma