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sunnysideup69: what can I do to stabilise on venlafaxine

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Erell

Hi @sunnysideup69 !

 

I think you've put a lot of stress about this visit To your parents, plus the travelling thing.

You're doing great : you have good days and anxiety and dépression are slowly going away.

Remember  : it's only a wave, with triggers. It Will pass and you Will continue To write us wonderful diaries 😘

 

I think of you, and you have all my support  ❤

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sunnysideup69
37 minutes ago, Erell said:

Hi @sunnysideup69 !

 

I think you've put a lot of stress about this visit To your parents, plus the travelling thing.

You're doing great : you have good days and anxiety and dépression are slowly going away.

Remember  : it's only a wave, with triggers. It Will pass and you Will continue To write us wonderful diaries 😘

 

I think of you, and you have all my support  ❤

You're  a gem, my lovely, and yes, you're right. A lot of what I THINK about my parents is exactly that: just stressful thoughts. I need to listen to the YouTube clip I posted you yesterday 😘

An hour later, the train is hurtling towards Wiltshire and I'm pretty much ok again. 

I'm learning very gradually to cope with the anxiety/ panic. Managed to distract myself on my phone and to feel into the sensations. One day, I want to be med free and I really want to be able to mood manage with non drug techniques, certainly getting lots of practice right now.....

Thank you for your kind reminder xxx

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sunnysideup69

Another note to self; must remember to note down gastro symptoms of this mini wave. Gone from constipated to non constipated. 

My guts are a bit out of order since August. The 20mg Cit caused some chronic diarrhoea, and I've had issues ever since. I'm not constipated in that I can't go at all, it's just that the swapping antideps seems to have weakened my body's natural peristalsis (think that's the word.) Other days it's ok. Wondering if this is a common withdrawal effect.

Now sitting with parents quite peacefully. Anxiety is subsiding gradually. Still have some flu type symptoms.

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Erell

So glad To read that anxiety is subsiding! 

The YouTube clip is hard for me To understand,  but thanks To my benzo WD i've learned some mindfulness exercices. Not easy To practice with my strong émotions,but at least sometimes I manage To observe my thoughts ;)

 

Enjoy your day ! You're doing great !

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sunnysideup69

Ugh, I'm ill, so it seems, have woken up shivery this morning after a bad sleep and feeling a bit flu-like. Stomach feels really off. Seem to have a virus, it's not withdrawal because I started to get these symptoms about a week after going back to work. Unfortunately, getting sick has also kicked off a mini wave. Will post yesterday's notes.

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sunnysideup69

Notes for Monday October 21st

 

Awoke at 3am, went back to sleep

5am woke with palpitations, feeling anxious

6am anxiety at 4...wonder if it's connected to going home today? Or because I'm physically ill? Stomach bloated, digestion feels a bit off, random stomach pains, also feel like I have a virus; headachey and shivery. But also intrusive thoughts of arguing with parents, 'fortune telling.'

6am warm Epsom salts bath

630 am eat breakfast, digestion weird, feeling 'belchy' ( sorry, it's gross but true)

7am Venlafaxine 75mg XR and anxiety is still around a 4

830 take 2200mg fish oil and 300mg mag citrate ( took extra mag in one go because I feel so anxious but this may have been a mistake...)

9am leave for Paddington station, anxiety still around a 4/3, nervous about going home and seeing parents

940 arrive at very crowded Paddington and anxiety hits a 6, I have palpitations bit I also don't feel physically well with cold, which isn't helping. Feeling tearful. Legs feel like jelly, gut churny

(also wondering whether I had too much magnesium in one go earlier)

1030am train departs, anxiety back to about 3

1145am arrive back in Chippenham, walk home

12pm arrive home, feeling a bit subdued but it's nice to see parents

1230 pm eat lunch, my appetite is a bit 'off', partly anxiety partly cold, force myself to chat and be sociable but it's difficult as anxiety still 3

1600 my mood is lifting, I'm less anxious, around a 2 or 1, now just relaxing around parents

Still have shivers like I'm harbouring a virus

Rest of evening is ok until.....

2000 go upstairs and lie down to listen to meditation, do my usual accidental falling asleep and wake suddenly at 2230 with anxiety, about a 3, palpitations, very uncomfortable

Hear my parents coming up to bed

Lie in bed, anxiety gradually subsides and I fall asleep but it's fitful

 

Feeling a bit disheartened this morning as I write, because I'm still having greater anxiety. Mods or anyone, is this a wave? Wondering if physical illness could have triggered it? 

Wanted to be well for my visit home, so it's a bit frustrating to be feeling so crappy. Is it also 'normal' in a wave to kind of forget the bigger picture? This morning I'm feeling gloomy like I'm going to get worse and worse and never stabilise......it's like I've forgotten all the progress I was making.

@Gridley or anyone, please send some encouragement. Have to get on a train today and go back to London...

 

I know the answer to this really, but is this a case of stabilising and letting time pass? Even though I'm.having this glitch, would the advice still be tomhold and stabilise? It's so easy to think 'I need more drug' but I've learned with the Citalopram that updosing doesn't make the  fluctuations go away. I had a psychiatrist follow up booked for Friday, booked it ages ago, but cancelled it at the weekend. I know they will just say updose, as will GP, so I've decided, am just not going down that road. 

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Erell

Dear @sunnysideup69,

 

I Feel sorry for this anxiety you're experiencing. But I also I'm very confident: you've healed incredibly! And you Will continue To heal. 

 

You're experiencing a wave that shake your confidence and give you doubts. I know how it feels ;)

 

I give you all my support, and a big hug, if you  like them.❤

 

You're on the good road! 

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sunnysideup69
1 hour ago, Erell said:

Dear @sunnysideup69,

 

I Feel sorry for this anxiety you're experiencing. But I also I'm very confident: you've healed incredibly! And you Will continue To heal. 

 

You're experiencing a wave that shake your confidence and give you doubts. I know how it feels ;)

 

I give you all my support, and a big hug, if you  like them.❤

 

You're on the good road! 

Thank you, definitely need that hug today, in a wave and feeling bad. Mostly anxiety. Gosh, it's exhausting. Hard to remember the good days when feeling like this. On the train back to London. My stomach is really, really sore and digestion is very off. It's an effort to eat anything today, everything tastes like cardboard. Also been experiencing some dizziness with the anxiety today, which is new, will include in today's notes. The stomach issues are definitely connected to Citalopram withdrawal, spoke to a friend who cold turkeyed off it and she had the same thing. Anyway, at Reading now, will soon be in London. I've been making my own probiotic drink, kefir, and drank it all of last week, perhaps it also affected my stomach. Might just lay off every supplement apart from fish oil and magnesium now.

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Gridley
7 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

 

Feeling a bit disheartened this morning as I write, because I'm still having greater anxiety. Mods or anyone, is this a wave? Wondering if physical illness could have triggered it? 

Wanted to be well for my visit home, so it's a bit frustrating to be feeling so crappy. Is it also 'normal' in a wave to kind of forget the bigger picture? This morning I'm feeling gloomy like I'm going to get worse and worse and never stabilise......it's like I've forgotten all the progress I was making.

@Gridley or anyone, please send some encouragement. Have to get on a train today and go back to London...

 

I know the answer to this really, but is this a case of stabilising and letting time pass? Even though I'm.having this glitch, would the advice still be tomhold and stabilise? It's so easy to think 'I need more drug' but I've learned with the Citalopram that updosing doesn't make the  fluctuations go away.

These ups and downs are perfectly normal, from day to day and throughout the day. I can have a poor morning and a reasonably good afternoon or vice-versa. If it continues for quite a while, it's a wave, which is also normal.   

 

Physical illness definitely can trigger symptoms.

 

Yes, when you're in a bad spot, it's very easy (and normal) to forget the big picture.  We all do that.  

 

Yes, it's a matter of stabilizing and letting time pass.  Time is the great cure.  You don't need more drug.  Fluctuations are part of the healing process.

 

You will do fine on the train!

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sunnysideup69

@Gridley, thank you, I know its a bit needy, but I just needed to see that written down. Overall, I am doing ok. Thank you to you, @Erell, @Altostrata and all who volunteer here. Thank God for SA.

PS journey was fine and I'm feeling happy I managed to survive at home, don't think parents realised I'm freaking out :D

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sunnysideup69

Gonna put this out there as my hope for the future. I'm a qualified psychotherapist, as well as a primary school teacher. I currently use my therapy skills to offer counselling for the pupils at school, but have stopped at the moment to focus upon my own healing. My three days part time teaching work is what I can cope with right now.

 

I was thinking about supporting myself with some counselling at the moment, but as a trained therapist, I have to say that there is a real lack of knowledge amongst colleagues about the effects of antidepressants/ stabilising/ withdrawal etc.

 

When I'm better, I think I'm going to put myself out there as a specialist in that very area. Might even start a support group for people coping with AD withdrawal and stabilisation. 

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Erell

It sounds like a lovely dream!!! Step by step, this situation Will be known..And your idea would be a terrific step!

 

Now that you're back home, enjoy your sweet cocoon 😚

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sunnysideup69

Notes for Tuesday 22nd October 2019

 

Really fitful, anxious sleep, didn't check times, awake so often, not much sleep. Often, palpitations on waking.

530am fully awake, anxiety 5/6, breathless and palpitations

600am downstairs to make tea, feeling fluey and miserable

630 feeling nauseous but eat a banana in prep for meds

7am Venlafaxine 75mg XR anxiety around 5

Between 6am and 7 am have had to use bathroom about 3 times, stomach very gurgly and digestion 'off'

8am eat breakfast, really not enjoying, another trip to the loo

830 tiny bit calmer, anxiety around 5/4, still have nausea, random pains in gut

930am up and chatting to mum and running a bath, notice belly is really distended/bloated, seems to occur when anxious

10am anxiety around 4, feeling tingling and weakness in my arms, nose blocked, tension like a tight band around stomach

11am do meditation, feeling a bit calmer, anxiety around 3, still have very gurgly gut

1200 eat lunch with parents, anxiety strangely begins to rise again, reaches about 4

130pm leave to catch train back to London, some anxiety on train but it starts to decrease

1530 arrive back home, anxiety about 3, go out to buy food, also suddenly hungry after having no appetite for 48 hours

1600 anxiety goes to 0 from here in, had a pretty 'normal' feeling evening

2200 go to bed, have not slept in the day, fall straight asleep

 

 

 

 

 

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sunnysideup69

A friend sent me this yesterday, writing from Jeff Foster

 

WE ARE WARRIORS OF ANXIETY

Sometimes anxiety lives as a gentle rumble in the background of our daily lives.

But sometimes, the floodgates of our experience are flung wide open, and raw anxiety surges in the body like a tidal wave.

Maybe we are going through a tough time in our lives, a crisis, a change, the end of a relationship, an illness, the sickness or death of a loved one, or the falling-away of an old dream or "safety net", and scary thoughts trigger an anxiety response in the body. Maybe our anxiety comes out of nowhere. Maybe we are touching into a past trauma, and old painful feelings are threatening to emerge into conscious awareness. Maybe we are simply imagining things that aren’t really true, invoking things that aren't really there. Maybe something just needs to be processed in us, dealt with, felt to completion, brought into love, integrated into a bigger picture of self.

Yes, sometimes anxiety comes, unwanted and unexpected, into the foreground of conscious experience, instantly bringing a pounding heart, a racing mind, heat and sweat and tingly limbs, nausea and tightness in the belly and chest and throat, and a feeling of the ground falling out from under us. We feel like we want to run, to crawl out of our own skin, to escape to safety, to find solid ground again...

Anxiety can be mild, or it can be really intense and scary and powerful like this. When anxiety comes in such a tidal wave, it can really feel like “Something is going horribly wrong!”. Our thoughts may tell us that we are about to die, or pass out, or have a heart attack or stroke, or go completely mad, or lose ourselves in some terrifying void.

The anxiety itself can feel unsafe. We can become anxious about our anxiety!

The truth is, these symptoms of anxiety are completely safe. Pounding hearts are safe. Muscle tightness is safe. That ‘sinking feeling’ in the belly is safe. Racing thoughts are safe. Heat and sweat and that dizzy, groundless, disconnected feeling is totally safe. It might not feel safe in the moment, it might not feel pleasant, but it’s totally safe. It is just a passing storm of sensation and thought. It’s the body deep in protection mode. It’s nature at its most brilliant and ancient and fierce. It doesn’t mean that something “bad” is happening or is "about to" happen.

We learn to ‘lean in’ to the storm of our anxiety, to let the body do what it’s doing. To recognize that we are experiencing anxiety in the present moment, to name the visitor, to bring mindful awareness to it, and to compassionately touch into it, with courage and slowness and breath. We begin to allow the heart to race and pound, and we allow the shakiness and trembling and the heat, and we allow the tight belly and the tingles and that doom-laden sinking feeling. We allow the moment as it is, messy and intense and uncomfortable and alive, as it is. We tell ourselves, “Yes, I am experiencing anxiety right now, it is really really intense, but it is totally safe, it is the nervous system rushing to protect the organism, and nothing more than that, and it will pass, and I can hold it all…” We learn to step into that bigger part of ourselves, that ever-present Being in the midst of the somatic storm.

We learn to stop fighting the anxiety, to stop shaming it, to stop calling it bad or wrong or dangerous (and if these thoughts come, we recognize them as anxious thoughts too!). We learn to stop running from our anxiety, stop trying to get to some “safer place”. We learn that the safest place is actually right here, where we are, at the very heart of our anxiety! We learn to bow to anxiety’s awesome power and intelligence, and to ride the wave of anxiety as it arises, reaches its peak, and crashes back to its source.

We become warriors of anxiety! We get brave enough to touch into our fragility and vulnerability, to meet this most sacred and ancient of somatic visitors, which is only trying to protect us, keep us safe, and remind us of our true power.
 

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Tom37

Thanks for the post on my thread. Im pretty sure your right and everything will settle down again but like always in wd there is always that doubt until it happens.

 

Caught up on your thread and looks like your now trying to stabilise after switching to venlafaxine. Hope your doing ok and that anxiety settles down. Im lucky that anxiety has only really been a minor symptom and never had the physical anxiety symptoms that so many get. Seems like I’ve had every other symptom but that one which I’m thankful for.

 

As you know it can time after changing so try to be patient and try to stick to same dose for to give yourself the time you need to get there. All the changes do add up so can take a while to settle.

 

Take care 

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sunnysideup69
Just now, Tom37 said:

Thanks for the post on my thread. Im pretty sure your right and everything will settle down again but like always in wd there is always that doubt until it happens.

 

Caught up on your thread and looks like your now trying to stabilise after switching to venlafaxine. Hope your doing ok and that anxiety settles down. Im lucky that anxiety has only really been a minor symptom and never had the physical anxiety symptoms that so many get. Seems like I’ve had every other symptom but that one which I’m thankful for.

 

As you know it can time after changing so try to be patient and try to stick to same dose for to give yourself the time you need to get there. All the changes do add up so can take a while to settle.

 

Take care 

Thanks Tom, appreciate the support. Yeah, I did a switch, got impatient, but switching has brought its own issues. I've made so many changes and I've now learned the hard way that the issue was never really about 'needing a new antidep.' Although, the Citalopram got totally fed up with me and I couldn't keep anything in. So I felt I had to do something.

I've also learned the hard way that psychs have no idea, really. Paid around £625 in August to switch and have a follow up, to be still in this 'stabilising' situation. Ouch! Was getting that info for free, here. So, this forum is now my advice centre, I've realised first hand that psychs and gps are really uninformed about this process.

So yep, now waiting to stabilise. It's a long winding road, this.....no more switching or updosing for me. Have had some really good stretches of time where I feel 'normal,' so am hanging in there. Going about my 'normal' life as much as possible, working part time, socialising every now and again. Coping as best I can with withdrawal symptoms, which have really been building up since October 2017, am now realising. Hopefully in another couple of years, I'll be stable...and I also hope it happens sooner than that.

Have a good day, Tom!

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sunnysideup69

Ok, so I think I'm in a bit of a wave. Realising I have been feeling progressively worse since Saturday, thought it was a cold, but am now realising all the symptoms are also indicative of WD.

I've been under the weather, achey, dizzy, headachey, shivery ie temperature dysregulation, and my gut has been dodgy. Super anxious, bit panicky, palpitations and also super flat and finding sleep a bit tricky.

Does this sound like a wave? I hope it bogs off soon. Luckily am on half term break, but it's frustrating as there were loads of things I wanted to do...but all I feel like today is vegetating on the couch. Walked a long walk this morning but now feel exhausted, didn't get the usual lift from it.
 

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Tom37

Sounds like a wave which will pass. Try to  think of it as the nervous system doing it’s thing trying to heal which we have to go through to get to the other side. The emotional and sleep being affected are always the worse so hang in there until it passes 

 

Hopefully you will feel but better afterwards as your overall baseline continues to rise but it can be very slow going and it’s probably better to look at your progress in months not days or weeks.

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