sunnysideup69: what can I do to stabilise on venlafaxine

[sunnysideup69]

@Longroadhome, thank you my friend, that made me tear up. You're right. It's just the 'here and now' me......it was quite a big task to aim for. I can look forward to that half marathon at a later date.

 

I'm back home now, went for a walk with a friend, we chatted a lot and did about four miles. My mood is better after that walk and now your lovely comment. Was really nice to walk in company....that's the other thing, by necessity, all my training has been solo because I've been trying to walk at increased pace.

 

For now, and because of lockdown, I'm gonna concentrate on walking in company or just enjoyable walks alone, and still doing some home strength exercise twice a week. I pushed it a bit, so am listening to my body and reducing a bit for now.

[Carmie]

Hi Sunnysideup,  

 

Just popping by to give you some hugs. I’m sorry you’re feeling so low. It’s hard when you can’t do what your heart desires, but there is always something you can do. I’ve been limited in what I can do for nearly three decades because of my health, but I’ve learnt to focus on the things I can still do. 
 

See if you can find something else that you really enjoy doing. I’m sorry you’re isolated at the moment. Are you allowed to go for walks with a friend if you have a mask on and stay far apart from each other? Do you have any other hobbies you enjoy that you can do on your own, or maybe one that you’ve always wanted to do?

 

As regards exercise, all I can really do is walking for short amounts of time. If I do anything more strenuous I end up collapsing, so I’m not really much help when it comes to the exercise side of things. I do know though, that doing anything too strenuous when you have CNS issues can make your symptoms worse. I’ve seen a few people that actually found strenuous exercise benefited them, but the vast majority really suffer if they overdo it in withdrawals.

 

Like you, I find eating sugar doesn’t do me any good either, so I’ve stopped eating it. I put berries in smoothies and I also use stevia in things when I feel like it, and I don’t really crave sugar anymore. I just made a lemonade with fresh lemons and stevia. It’s very refreshing. I actually only eat foods that are anti inflammatory now. I only started a totally anti inflammatory diet a couple of weeks ago. My lungs keeps flaring up, so I don’t need foods that can inflame them even more. 
 

Well, it night time here. I’m going to try and go to bed early, though I struggle to fall asleep a lot of the time. See how I do tonight. I hope that your day gets better. 
 

Here are some more hugs for you 🤗🤗

[Carmie]

P.s. We wrote on here at the same time. So glad you got to go for a walk with your friend. That answered my question 😁

[sunnysideup69]

@Carmie, I did, I got out for that walk with a friend, we walked and nattered for four miles, at a gentle pace, and I'm feeling much much better.

Think I'm going to have to experiment with Stevia, really do enjoy a bit of sweetness now and again but the sugary stuff must go.

Sending you hugs, wishes for a really good night's sleep and a big thank you  

[Longroadhome]

@sunnysideup69

 

That’s  good news you walked and enjoyed yourself and that’s all you need to aim for. 
Any form of exercise will keep you fit and healthy and uplift your spirit.  
 

Stevia is a good natural sauce of “sweet” . I put it in my drinks and you can use it for baking etc especially if you crave something sweet every once in a while. 
 

 

[mstimc]

Hi Sunny

 

Adding my virtual hugs and positive thoughts from Portugal!

 

@Longroadhome is so right about embracing the "new you".  I didn't consider myself recovered until I accepted I would never be the person I was before meds.  Then I accepted I didn't want to be that person anyway--that was the person who turned to Paxil to begin with.  Like longroad said, we become stronger and more resilient in different areas than before.

 

Also, one thing that helped me get over setbacks and negative ruminations: I would sometimes write a letter to myself laying out the reality of my situation and why things weren't as bleak as I thought.  I actually still do this sometimes when my OCD flares up, (only now I email myself instead of writing a letter 🙂).  For some reason, putting things into black and white seems to make them more objective and easier to deal with and dismiss. 

 

I hope you find the right balance for your exercise.  When I'm feeling anxious, a nice walk helps, especially if I stay present and notice the things around me, like flowers or a nice shop window.  Walking burns off the physical energy of anxiety and focusing on other things helps break the circle of dark thinking.

 

Hugs!

 

[sunnysideup69]

Thanks @Longroadhomeand @mstimc,

Your suggestions are very helpful.  I often give myself a good talking to, out loud, but actually writing things down is very helpful, you're right - seeing things in black and white can really help to get things into perspective. And you're both right....this is the 'here and now' me.......future me will be different, stronger, more resilient I don't wish to go back to the previous version of me because that one coped with stress firstly with recreational drugs and then, prescription drugs. No shame on her for that - that's the only way she knew how. Going to have compassion for her

 

Still having some anxious mornings, but I'm more accepting of it now, this morning. Stressful Christmas/New year plus over-exercise......this too shall pass. Afternoons I'm pretty tired but feel okay, also evenings. Also, am getting plenty of sleep, even though sometimes falling asleep too early, am also a bit restless during that sleep. My guilty pleasure is listening to some ASMR artists on youtube, some of them I find really super relaxing.

 

One thing's for sure. I had definitely made a lot of progress over the last few months and I can only say that for sure *because* of this rougher patch, I'm noticing the contrast. Interesting to be back here again, noting the bodily sensations of anxiety. Funnily enough, as part of my online teaching at the moment, I'm planning and delivering lessons on coping with disappointment/ developing resilience to 8 and 9 year olds 😂 and I'm certainly being tested on it at the same time.

 

 

 

 

[Carmie]

Hi Sunny, 

 

I hope you find writing your thoughts down helpful. One type of journaling I really like is doing morning pages. You’ve probably done them before. You journal for three pages and then stop. You write exactly what comes into your head, no editing, not worrying about grammar or neatness. Just scribble away, no matter what you’re thinking. No censoring. 
 

Take care🧡

[Erell]

Hello dear Sunny ☀️

 

I'm a bit foggy this morning so I don't know if I'll manage to express what I want

 

- about a "sweet spot" with exercices : I don't think there's such a thing. As longroadhome said, we can only do with the "here and now".

I set goals, but those goals don't have pressure  : for example my goal is to take a walk everyday, because I know that I almost always feel a bit better after.

But I never know how much I'll walk : some day 30minutes are enough,  there are days when I surprise myself feeling good with a 1hour walk, and some other day I don't manage to walk more than 5-10 minutes.

And that's ok, if some day my body needs all his energy to focus on something else, then let's do this.

I don't want to push my limits, I want to learn to love myself, my body.

 

I don't know how to express this right : I'm starting to understand that I am my body. I can't learn to love myself if I don't learn to love my body, my limitations, if I don't learn that my body is not my enemy but rather that he is trying to do his best to heal.

 

Your body gives you the pace, and it's always the right one in the here and the now  ❤

[Longroadhome]

Hi @sunnysideup69

when we are back in a wave it throws us off course because the first thing we all feel is that we will always be like this and we will never heal. 
Not True.

Go look at your traffic light symptom graph  and you will see.  

Your waves are getting fewer and longer good times in-between.
Windows are those precious times of normality and you have had plenty of those. 
Don't feel deflated be glad that your body is making the finer adjustments it needs to do. Adjustments mean symptoms will come and go but one day soon they will be gone forever.  

[sunnysideup69]

Dear @Erelland @Longroadhome, thank you so much for your support. And you are both right, of course. Much wisdom in your words, I'm really grateful for them. You're right, of course. I DID panic about this wave, took it as evidence of not having made any progress etc. etc. Which of course is not true.

 

Am also coming to believe that some of this periodic agitation is possibly a Venlafaxine side effect, as it can sometimes set in an hour or so after I've dosed.

 

Anyway, threw out the exercise timetable, yesterday. Have also officially pulled out of half marathon.0Was supposed to be  be 'gym day' (at home, I do body-weight exercises like sit ups and push ups etc.), but I felt so tired from all the anxiety this week that I had Sunday lunch and then took myself back to bed, watched my favourite ASMR channels on You tube. I find old school ASMR really soothing and sleep inducing. The more recent stuff is quite cringy and overdone.

Then, I went to an online 'sound healing' at 7pm.....and fell blissfully asleep until 2am!! 

Just let my body rest, rest, rest. By 3 or 4 pm yesterday afternoon, felt completely calm again. Was lying in bed, which faces a large window, just enjoying the fading light and listening to birdsong. So, I'm not afflicted by this wave all day, it's very classic in that it fades out during the day and I feel calm again in he early evening.

 

This WD business is forcing me to attend to my body like never before, that's definitely a plus point. I don't think I was ever so in tune with what my body likes/ doesn't like. I just didn't notice and / or would override what I noticed. 

 

[Cigale]

Just want to let you know I am thinking of you @sunnysideup69. You are so very strong and wise, and managing your journey with so much self-compassion. Take care of yourself my dear. 🤗

[Carmie]

Hi Sunny, 

 

I hope you managed to get outside for a walk again, I know that bolsters your spirits. 
 

I’m so happy to see you’re getting plenty of support on here. 
 

Sending hugs🤗

[sunnysideup69]

On 1/18/2021 at 10:57 AM, Cigale said:

Just want to let you know I am thinking of you @sunnysideup69. You are so very strong and wise, and managing your journey with so much self-compassion. Take care of yourself my dear. 🤗

 

Hey there @Cigale, and @Carmie, thank you both very much. Your support is very much appreciated. Feeling much better since Monday. Thankfully!

On 1/19/2021 at 7:50 AM, Carmie said:

Hi Sunny, 

 

I hope you managed to get outside for a walk again, I know that bolsters your spirits. 
 

I’m so happy to see you’re getting plenty of support on here. 
 

Sending hugs🤗

 

[sunnysideup69]

Good morning SA world.

I'm feeling much better, the wave passed, as waves always do.

I definitely think the over-exercise was the trigger.

Looking back, I did a lot in two days. I walked three miles AND did strength exercises and the following day, I went for a seven mile walk. That's a lot! 

My mood is much better since Monday and I'm relaxed. I've been sleeping LOADS but my sleep schedule is all over the place. Falling asleep way too early and so waking around 4 am. 

Need to try to stay awake until 9 or 10 pm, but find that really hard when it's dark outside.....I'm a bit of a 🐻 bear haha.

Have done regular exercise this week, am going to do a 10k walk today. But will monitor how I feel during and afterwards. I love walking. Can't wait til lockdown is over and I can travel a little out of London and get my walking boots muddy.

Trying to stay off my screen until Monday, as I've been on it all week for work, think it also disrupts sleep.

[Longroadhome]

Hi @sunnysideup69

Just checking in how’s things with you?  hope you’re  still looking through a clear window x 

[Dejavu]

Hi @sunnysideup69 I haven't been on much lately. Trying to work my way through this wave. But I wanted to check and see how you're doing.

[sunnysideup69]

Hey @Longroadhomeand @Dejavu, thanks both for checking in. Sending you big big hugs.

 

So, a general update from me, as it's been two weeks. I was sailing along quite well after the last wave.

 

After deciding to pull out of walking half marathon, I wavered a bit. Did a 10k walk, felt fine. The following weekend (ie two weekends ago) decided to walk about 11 or 12k. Have kind of set off another wave as a result - duh! However, at least I now definitely know my limits. My nervous system is still overly responsive to physiological and mental stress.

 

So, am doing pretty well, just a bit wavey. Mildly so. Like you, @Dejavu, I am in no rush to begin tapering. I'd like the outside world to be feeling a bit more stable, less unpredictable, before I do i.e. some of the pandemic restrictions lifted. I'm hoping I may be ready by summer / August this year. 

Even after all this time, I'm still learning to keep things as steady and stable as possible. I find it a real challenge, as when I'm feeling good, I very easily forget about the sensitivity of my nervous system. I haven't touched alcohol in nearly two years, but am still susceptible to getting into a sugar binge and also to drinking too much morning tea. I've also noticed my nervous system reacts badly to stressful TV and films - pretty much can't take any kind of psychologically disturbing 'thriller.'

Battling along with living alone during a pandemic. Mostly it's okay and I have had some people contact, but it's tricky as we're not supposed to be meeting outside of our 'support bubbles.' It all feels surreal at times, doesn't it?

 

[mstimc]

Hi Sunny

Yes, trying to keep things stable and steady is so important during recovery!  I really tried to stick to a regular routine, especially at bedtime, since insomnia has always been an issue with me.  There's nothing wrong with testing your limits every now and then, but having a "safe space" to come back to--your normal routine--is a source of comfort and stability.   And remember, you're not really alone--you have your friends here on SA!

[sunnysideup69]

@mstimc, yes, ever grateful for my SA friends here. It is such a relief to have this community of people who understand how easily the nervous system can be impacted, in recovery.

 

Also forgot to mention, I have managed to shift my bedtime to 10pm, which is AMAZING. Have been struggling with falling asleep too early during the pandemic.

I'm going to bed at 10pm. Usually awake around 5am, I notice that I have quite restless sleep and intense dreams before waking. Sometimes, I make myself have a lie in until closer to 6am. Probably getting about 6 hours of unbroken sleep, and then the rest is a bit patchy. Hoping that as I adapt to this new bedtime, my sleep will regulate further.

[sunnysideup69]

Sunday and yesterday, seem to have been in a wave. Sunday, I felt worse than I have done in AGES, really twitchy and jerky and symptomatic. Also, was really obsessing about something. However, I was still able to see that these were 'dysregulation induced' thoughts and to wade through the day, was pretty much under a blanket on the sofa.

That's often my go to strategy at the moment, if I'm having a peak of symptoms - I just batten down the hatches and wait for the wave to pass.

Am pretty sure over exercising has created these waves of symptoms. *Sigh*.

 

The good news is, I feel a lot calmer this morning, if a bit weary. Anxiety spikes are very tiring.

 

Am also finishing therapy at the end of February, after a year. It has helped me to stabilise a bit more, and to get through the immediate impact of a double bereavement, for sure. However, it can't stop the waves from coming. I'm leaving the door open to go back if needs be. I realised that I was being really hard on myself and thinking that, as a trained therapist, I shouldn't need therapy.......which is of course, rubbish.

 

Next weekend, I'm going to choose a kitten from Bagel's litter. This is so exciting! I cannot wait to have my own fur baby again.

 

[Longroadhome]

23 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Sunday and yesterday, seem to have been in a wave. Sunday, I felt worse than I have done in AGES, really twitchy and jerky and symptomatic. Also, was really obsessing about something. However, I was still able to see that these were 'dysregulation induced' thoughts and to wade through the day, was pretty much under a blanket on the sofa.

That's often my go to strategy at the moment, if I'm having a peak of symptoms - I just batten down the hatches and wait for the wave to pass.

Am pretty sure over exercising has created these waves of symptoms. *Sigh*.

 

The good news is, I feel a lot calmer this morning, if a bit weary. Anxiety spikes are very tiring.

 

Am also finishing therapy at the end of February, after a year. It has helped me to stabilise a bit more, and to get through the immediate impact of a double bereavement, for sure. However, it can't stop the waves from coming. I'm leaving the door open to go back if needs be. I realised that I was being really hard on myself and thinking that, as a trained therapist, I shouldn't need therapy.......which is of course, rubbish.

 

Next weekend, I'm going to choose a kitten from Bagel's litter. This is so exciting! I cannot wait to have my own fur baby again.

 

That all sounds positive . Didn’t know you were a therapist  what sort of therapist ? 
 

lovely that you are going to be sharing your home with a furry friend . I look forward to the updates . And deciding on a name aaaah ☺️ 
 

[sunnysideup69]

6 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

That all sounds positive . Didn’t know you were a therapist  what sort of therapist ? 
 

lovely that you are going to be sharing your home with a furry friend . I look forward to the updates . And deciding on a name aaaah ☺️ 
 

I'm a trained psychotherapist, not practising because of WD.

[Longroadhome]

2 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I'm a trained psychotherapist, not practising because of WD.

[Longroadhome]

Just now, Longroadhome said:

2 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I'm a trained psychotherapist, not practising because of WD.

How long does it take to train for something like that ? 
I’ve  always been interested in helping others and once WD is over now I’m retired it will be something I’d like to do. 

[Sonia009]

1 hour ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Sunday and yesterday, seem to have been in a wave. Sunday, I felt worse than I have done in AGES, really twitchy and jerky and symptomatic. Also, was really obsessing about something. However, I was still able to see that these were 'dysregulation induced' thoughts and to wade through the day, was pretty much under a blanket on the sofa.

That's often my go to strategy at the moment, if I'm having a peak of symptoms - I just batten down the hatches and wait for the wave to pass.

Am pretty sure over exercising has created these waves of symptoms. *Sigh*.

 

The good news is, I feel a lot calmer this morning, if a bit weary. Anxiety spikes are very tiring.

 

Am also finishing therapy at the end of February, after a year. It has helped me to stabilise a bit more, and to get through the immediate impact of a double bereavement, for sure. However, it can't stop the waves from coming. I'm leaving the door open to go back if needs be. I realised that I was being really hard on myself and thinking that, as a trained therapist, I shouldn't need therapy.......which is of course, rubbish.

 

Next weekend, I'm going to choose a kitten from Bagel's litter. This is so exciting! I cannot wait to have my own fur baby again.

 

Hi Sunny,

Sorry about your wave, I hope it passes as quickly as it came. You're good at rationalizing everything, wish I had that ability. Looking forward to hearing about your new kitten, and whether it will be a boy or girl. I'm sure it will bring you a lot of joy x🌝.

[Malbec37]

1 hour ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Sunday and yesterday, seem to have been in a wave. Sunday, I felt worse than I have done in AGES, really twitchy and jerky and symptomatic. Also, was really obsessing about something. However, I was still able to see that these were 'dysregulation induced' thoughts and to wade through the day, was pretty much under a blanket on the sofa.

That's often my go to strategy at the moment, if I'm having a peak of symptoms - I just batten down the hatches and wait for the wave to pass.

Am pretty sure over exercising has created these waves of symptoms. *Sigh*.

 

The good news is, I feel a lot calmer this morning, if a bit weary. Anxiety spikes are very tiring.

 

Am also finishing therapy at the end of February, after a year. It has helped me to stabilise a bit more, and to get through the immediate impact of a double bereavement, for sure. However, it can't stop the waves from coming. I'm leaving the door open to go back if needs be. I realised that I was being really hard on myself and thinking that, as a trained therapist, I shouldn't need therapy.......which is of course, rubbish.

 

Next weekend, I'm going to choose a kitten from Bagel's litter. This is so exciting! I cannot wait to have my own fur baby again.

 

 
Hey @sunnysideup69! Totally understand about the waves...I’ve just got out of one recently. My sleep started collapsing again and tinnitus increased and fatigue and it’s so linked to stress...almost like when there is too much stress for my body to handle then the wave comes and symptoms increase

 

I agree we just have to sit tight and accept it and wait for it to pass but it is so difficult 

 

glad you’re feeling better x

[sunnysideup69]

Hey @Sonia001, thank you xxx Feeling a bit calmer today, but with post-wave exhaustion. When I'm feeling well I seem to have these bursts of energy and then I overdo things. End up feeling knackered. 

Anyway, hope you're okay today.

[sunnysideup69]

Stopping the 'training walks' of seven miles has seen off the more symptomatic waves, I do believe. Have been feeling much calmer since stopping again. 

 

Am going to re read the tips for tapering Venlafaxine, and print it out. I do believe I'm getting pretty close to starting a taper. Think I'm about as stable as am gonna get on my current dose of Venlafaxine. Most waves are created by me ( crap diet and overdoing it) and also by the way I deal with stress. 

 

Excited but also nervous. Also need to get my GP on board with supporting me, if possible.

 

[Erell]

Hello dear Sunny !

 

I'm glad to read that things are going ok on your side ☀️

 

About your gp, have you read this :

 

cepuk-major-milestone-royal-college-releases-new-guidance-on-stopping-antidepressants/

 

It could be interesting to print the leaflet and show it to your doctor ?

 

I understand that you might feel a little nervous about tapering but :

- remember that we are a community and all rooting for you 🤗

- Now you have all the tools and the knowledge to start a smooth taper 

- You mentioned the possibility that your current dose might be a bit activating, so it is possible that you'll actually feel better

 

Sending much love ❤

 

[sunnysideup69]

@Erell, thanks my lovely!

That's a great idea, re showing leaflet to my GP. At the moment, can't get to see them face to face in the UK, but could still tell them about it if they haven't heard...

I will for sure be leaning into this community. Gonna need it, also reminding myself I can be very cautious at first and maybe just do a tiny cut (2.5 percent) to test the waters and hold for a month.

 

Gotta research the best thing to do. I take generic Venlafaxine extended release. Might ask to switch to the brand name, Effexor, as it comes in bead format. Not sure yet, need to read up.

 

Am going to print out all the info from here on tapering Venlafaxine and weigh up the options.

[Sonia009]

15 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Stopping the 'training walks' of seven miles has seen off the more symptomatic waves, I do believe. Have been feeling much calmer since stopping again. 

 

Am going to re read the tips for tapering Venlafaxine, and print it out. I do believe I'm getting pretty close to starting a taper. Think I'm about as stable as am gonna get on my current dose of Venlafaxine. Most waves are created by me ( crap diet and overdoing it) and also by the way I deal with stress. 

 

Excited but also nervous. Also need to get my GP on board with supporting me, if possible.

Hi Sunny,

Great news that you feel ready for another taper. I hope your doctor will give you all the support you need. I found it easier speaking to my doctor over the phone because I made notes of everything I wanted to say beforehand (even though I was refused liquid citalopram). At the surgery I am always aware that they want you in and out quickly so very often I don't say everything I intended to say. 

Sending best wishes for more good days x

15 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Good morning  It's 3.15 am here in the UK, have woken WAY too early, owing to sleeping a lot of yesterday and going to bed too early. Has been a while since that too-early waking and not being able to get back to sleep has happened.

I don't fight it these days. I just get up, make some tea, get back into bed and read until 5.00 am, which is wake up time for me.

My sleep has been much better over the last month, especially this last week....it definitely goes through its own healing waves. Mood a little droopy this week, often seems to happen when sleep is good...peculiar.

So...March is sugar-free month. Have cut right back to about 4 times a month, but those 4 times are usually in succession. Decided I really want to cut out sugar and wheat totally, just for 30 days, to see what my baseline is. Still gonna have morning cup of earl grey, though.

Also, going to have a cake today because it was my birthday on Wednesday. 52 years old! Woah! Not sure how that happened....

Thought I'd also do a quick summary of healing, so here we go. It's just past 18 months of switching to Venlafaxine, after a too fast taper of Citalopram, some upping and downing and a cold turkey off:

 

My facial skin is a lot better, slowly healing, still the odd breakout which takes ages to heal.

My sleep is slowly healing, feel as if I get a decent QUALITY of sleep now, usually between 6.5 and 7.5 hours.

Mood is generally okay, with some days of being in a really good mood and motivated. Waves still happen, probably more often than I'd like, but much less intense. They aren't 'knockout' any more. I tend to get increased anxiety and/or anhedonia, just feel a bit flat and 'pointless.' Usually lifts by the evening, even in a wave.

Much more interested in life outside my home and wanting to reconnect with people again.

I CAN exercise, but have to be careful not to overdo it, as that tends to spike a wave.

I'm able to work and cope with a moderate amount of stress.

Sense of humour has returned. Generally feel a bit more outgoing.

 

So, over all, not too bad. Baseline is much improved from a year ago. Interesting that the Venlafaxine hasn't really 'worked' in the sense of eliminating all symptoms, but I'm guessing that's what happens when drugs have mucked up our CNS. It's going to be very interesting, to finally one day be free of all drugs. I've self medicated and also taken prescription drugs since the age of around 21/ 22. Curious about what life will be like without a pschoactive prop.

 

[BooBoo19]

Hello @sunnysideup69, we could have had a chat in the night as I was also wide awake.  Can I ask how you aged to cope with the intense panic attacks and insomnia in the earlier days.  I have had some windows but the wave that I experienced last night was awful, I could not stop my legs from shaking and getting worried this will be me for the rest of my life. I go back to work on Monday after a 5 month absence and hoping that this will give me some direction nd take my mind of the symptoms as all I do now (in lockdown) is focus on them.  As soon as I agreed to go back to work my anxiety increased, I do not know if that is a coincidence or not.  It was my birthday yesterday so Happy birthday to a fellow Piscean, I am a year older but none the wiser.

[mstimc]

Great post, Sunny! Irregular sleep has always been an issue for me, more so in WD.  I try to stick to a bedtime routine but that doesn’t always work.

 

More important, your forward-looking attitude will get you through this.  Imagining the person you want to be gives you a foundation for creating a new “me” in recovery.  It’s such a great opportunity for growth and learning about how strong g you really are.  And keep your sense of humor!  When my OCD was in high gear, my therapist used to tell me to picture him laughing at my fears.  Oddly enough, that was really effective.  Humor is good medicine. 

[sunnysideup69]

Thanks for your posts, @mstimcand @BooBoo19. Will visit you on your threads.

 

Well, seem to have descended into a wave this week. Has peaked over the last 24 hours, so will hopefully go away very soon. Yesterday, had a lot of agitation and was just absolutely exhausted. Spent most of the day on the sofa drifting in and out of sleep. Mornings have been horrible. Have also had some very vivid dreams, feels like something definitely going on in my brain. Have had feelings of flatness/pointlessness/ meaninglessness. Discontent. 'Trying to fill the day' kind of feeling.

Funny, as it was only last Sunday I had posted on social media that I feel much calmer and more content......bump! Landed on my bum again.

As usual, am looking for reasons 'why,' but there may not be any particular reasons, am also aware. Am sure post menopausal hormones also play into it, but I won't add HRT into the mix for fear of making myself worse.

Had quite a 'sugary' stay at home with parents last week, ate sugary stuff three days in a row. Am also wondering whether half marathon training for 3 and a half months has set recovery back, a little bit. Haven't done any very long walks since the beginning of February, but perhaps my body is taking a while to recover from all that added activity. I notice my nervous system has been a bit more easily triggered since then. Whilst training, it also seems that I was a bit more wavey. Feeling tired and irritable with it all this morning. Have been holding steady for a year and a half and may have to hold longer.

 

One thing I've learned for sure is that stabilisation is painstakingly slow (in my case, maybe not in yours) and full of ups and downs. Life circumstances can certainly aggravate healing, too. One has to develop enormous patience in order to cope with the process. 

I guess it just 'is what it is', as they say. Sorry, this is a grouchy post. Probably the light will switch on again tomorrow and I'll feel better, just venting a bit and feeling dysregulated.