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sunnysideup69: what can I do to stabilise on venlafaxine

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sunnysideup69

Sunday 3rd November 2019

 

4am awake, fall back to sleep

5am awake

6am breakfast

7am Venlafaxine 75mgXR

8am ruminating on work incident, anger, palpitations for about 5 mins, played with cat and felt better

1000 went for 5k run, felt much better after

1100 had warm bath

1130 meditation 40 mins

1300 lunch, feeling sleepy

1330 cant get through to parents on phone, nervous system is activated, feel wobbly and tired

1400 leave catsitting, go home, feeling upset and emotional

1600 feeling much better, nervous system has calmed

2100 go to bed

 

 

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sunnysideup69

Monday 4th November

Today was pretty horrible. Getting so upset over work last week has caused a bit of an emotional crash/wave, which I now have to ride out. Again, it's all a lesson in what helps me/hinders me from stabilising. I have written to the head and let him know how I'm feeling about the little turd who snitched, and have also explained how things like this affect me at the moment. Someone snitching would upset me when I'm well, but in current circumstances, I find it absolutely devastating and it affects me for days on end.

 

Good sleep

5am get up

630 breakfast, anxiety about 2/3

7am Venlafaxine 75mg XR

9am anxiety is calming to 2/1, slight nausea

9am first Epsom salts bath in a couple weeks, two handfuls

In general, morning was okay, anxiety around 1

1230 eat lunch, notice that as I eat and digest, my mood seems to be tanking a bit, anxiety/dep around 2, palpitations, and I feel really exhausted as I digest. Wondering whether the Epsom salts bath was too much

1400 until 2200 on the couch, resting, in and out of sleep

2200 take myself to bed

 

@Gridley, good morning, afternoon, evening. I've got a question, but first, hope you're doing well. I had a bit of stress last week at work, and it didn't impact me immediately, but I've wobbled quite a lot since. Having a minor wobble since Saturday. We say that when the wobbles happen, it is the nervous system repairing itself. I know that holds true for when waves/wobbles just 'happen'. Is it also true in the case where you know something has impacted you negatively and your CNS is over reacting? It makes dealing with work quite tough, and I'm becoming aware that there are so many boundaries I'm going to have to put in place. Anyway, I guess I just have to treat this wobble in the same way as any other. Getting plenty of rest, eating well etc. Would be good to know your thoughts. I wish I wasn't so oversensitive at the moment, but that's the state of play, and I just have to get on with it and cope as best as I can.

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sunnysideup69

I found this, I realise that the event at work got me sucked into an emotional spiral. I'm a bit inclined to ruminate anyway, but in withdrawal, it seems worse. Hey ho, more skills to practise, more things to learn. Bugger, I didn't see this spiral creeping up on me. I am even beginning to feel better after just reading through that information. I'm realising that it takes a LOT of discipline to recover in withdrawal. It's actually really hard work initially, hopefully it will get better over time. I really need to train my mind better. Antidepressant withdrawal is like mindfulness bootcamp, in many ways. I feel like I'm being forced to learn skills that I unfortunately just didn't learn, growing up, hence feeling like I 'needed' to resort to medication.

 

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sunnysideup69

 

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Gridley
6 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Is it also true in the case where you know something has impacted you negatively and your CNS is over reacting?

In the case of an external stressor it would be more a reaction to the stressor than the usual wobbles of healing.

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sunnysideup69
1 minute ago, Gridley said:

In the case of an external stressor it would be more a reaction to the stressor than the usual wobbles of healing.

Sure.....it's so annoying. I guess the route to recovery is still the same, though.

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Gridley
6 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I guess the route to recovery is still the same, though.

Yes, the same.  Everyone is going to ave stressors.  You have some good coping skills in place.

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sunnysideup69
2 minutes ago, Gridley said:

Yes, the same.  Everyone is going to ave stressors.  You have some good coping skills in place.

Yeah, that's very true......there is NO such thing as a stress-free recovery, is there? Wouldn't that be ideal. Appreciate your response, hope you are doing well, Gridley.

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sunnysideup69

Well, have had such a horrible few days after last week, have decided to take time out of work this week to 'reset.' 

 

Going to let my CNS settle and take the time I need. My meeting with boss last week was handled really clumsily, and it upset me so much that I'm actually wondering whether I've gone back to work too soon. Have had anxiety and total exhaustion since, been flat out in bed a lot, and last night the thought of going back was making me feel really panicky.

In the meeting last week, I not only had the news about Facebook spy, but he also kept going on about 'getting attendance back up' which felt really pressurising. I've only just gone back in after three weeks phased return. He also told me he's 'sending me to occupational health,' which I actually asked for ages ago, because 'he would get into trouble with Brent if he didn't do it.' Er, so, nothing to do with my recovery, then? And finally, he said that he would have to give me a letter about occupational health which 'contains a scary line about capability measures but he doesn't want me to worry about it.' Said something about long term absence being linked to capability. I'm actually sure this is way, way down the line, and as far as I know, I can't be deemed 'incapable' for being off with anxiety/ depression. That would be discrimination. I'm gonna call my union today and just check out my position.

My logical brain knows that I have maybe fixated on some negatives, and that actually, he doesn't have a leg to stand on. I'm allowed to take time out to recover, I believe I can take 6 months at full pay and six at half pay. But the emotional impact of that meeting has sent me reeling. I'm going to take time to regroup and recover. My mental health and stability comes first.

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Tuesday 5th November notes

 

Feeling a bit disheartened as I write. Wondering if I'm pushing myself too fast, too soon, re return to work. Some doubt this morning that things will ever change. Usual doubts this morning about stabilising, 'is this withdrawal or is it just that I can't cope, generally.' Am definitely not out of the 'big swings in either direction' territory. Sorry about such a gloomy start.

 

 

Had lots of dozing Monday afternoon, so sleep through night was fitful. Many crazy dreams. In a wave again since Saturday.

5am got up, drank tea, anxiety 4

630 low humming/buzzing in head

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR anxiety still 4

730 warm bath, no epsom

800 anxiety still 4, digestion still feels 'off', body tics and jerks

900 dyspepsia, stomach and chest feel right, temperature dysregulation, some palpitations

1000 out for a 5k run, rumination

1100 find and read through 'emotional spirals' by Brass Monkey

1130 anxiety calming, 2, 

1330 lunch, as yesterday it makes me feel a bit low, it's as if even digesting food is a bit exhausting to my body at the moment, low mood about 3

1500 feeling a bit better but still some gut pain

1600 spike of anxiety, 3, went to lie in bed and listen to Claire Weekes link

Feeling discouraged, but have a long chat with a friend who is a manager and she reassures me that I can't be dismissed for taking time out with symptoms, there's a long process that has to be adhered to

2300 finally fall into a fitful sleep

 

Not a great day. Not great since Saturday. I hope I stabilise again soon and experience a longer window.

 

 

 

 

 

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Tom37

Sorry about the rough day. Try to remember that everything is magnified in a wave especially the thoughts about going back to work. Just remember how your feeling now will not last and there will be better days ahead. 

 

Hopefully this wave comes to an end soon and you get to spend some time feeling a lot better again. 

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sunnysideup69
1 hour ago, Tom37 said:

Sorry about the rough day. Try to remember that everything is magnified in a wave especially the thoughts about going back to work. Just remember how your feeling now will not last and there will be better days ahead. 

 

Hopefully this wave comes to an end soon and you get to spend some time feeling a lot better again. 

Thanks @Tom37

I'm hoping the same thing. You're right about the magnification. Better days seem far away right now, but I also know they must come again.

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sunnysideup69
22 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Sorry about the rough day. Try to remember that everything is magnified in a wave especially the thoughts about going back to work. Just remember how your feeling now will not last and there will be better days ahead. 

 

Hopefully this wave comes to an end soon and you get to spend some time feeling a lot better again. 

 

Yes, again, you're right. Was thinking about this again, this morning. I've taken this week out, but I'm not going to take any longer.

I know my attendance at work needs to get back on track, thing is, I was doing ok until I met the boss last Thursday and he mentioned 'occupational health,' and that feels more formal. So far, he has been very supportive, and he did say he was just covering his back by making sure he had followed the correct channels, I perhaps over reacted a bit. I think that's a combination of WD plus my own anxiety. 

I'm still getting some palpitations and a churning stomach today, my nervous system is clearly agitated by it all, think I need to change the channel today.

Have to hold on to the fact that I WAS doing well overall and had begun to return to work. Can't let this setback send me right back to the beginning of this whole mess. Anyway, I think I need to leave this subject alone now, let it go. 

 

Any supportive words gratefully received, though. Am feeling pretty ****.

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Tom37

Not feeling too great myself but this setback won’t send you back to the beginning. Your nervous system is very fragile and can’t handle stress like a ‘normal’ one can. So you may not feel very good but it will get better and in time you will be able to handle the stress you can’t now. It’s not easy because we have to expose ourselves to stress at times and it’s hard to know what is ‘too much’ . Too much work, too much exercise, too much of anything.....hard finding that balance.

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sunnysideup69
2 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Not feeling too great myself but this setback won’t send you back to the beginning. Your nervous system is very fragile and can’t handle stress like a ‘normal’ one can. So you may not feel very good but it will get better and in time you will be able to handle the stress you can’t now. It’s not easy because we have to expose ourselves to stress at times and it’s hard to know what is ‘too much’ . Too much work, too much exercise, too much of anything.....hard finding that balance.

It really is, Tom, ...I'm even wondering if I 'should' be jogging/running at the moment. I go twice a week. Also do some strength training at home. I think I'm bouncing back a bit today, still felt mildly panicky this morning but the tools on here/listening to Claire Weekes is really helping. Sorry you're not feeling too good. God, it's such a slog, isn't it? We're gonna come out of this with some serious psychological muscle, we're already developing it, in fact.

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sunnysideup69

Feeling a bit better today, but my notes for yesterday are a bit ridiculous. NOT a typical day. Have just taken myself out for a walk and am feeling hungry, which is a good sign.

 

Notes for Wednesday 7th November

No timed notes today. Have been completely and utterly exhausted by the panic I created in myself about work stress. Lots of palpitations in the morning and early waking. Spent most of the day either sitting on the floor trying to seek telephone advice from work union, or sitting on the sofa, staring into space. Totally forgot to use any coping skills. Feeling awful. But at least there's a reason and it's not 'just' WD. You'll get a better set of notes tomorrow.

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Guilietta

Hello Sunny,

 

I saw the note on @Erell's post - and I'm so sorry about your brother. I had a similar situation with my brother years ago - and my closest friend I lost in March this year. Anyway - I know she us in one of the starts looking down upon us. She knew of my situation and supported me.

 

30 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

My brother went into hospital with a stroke in mid August, just when I was at my worst, and they also discovered he had a brain tumour. I was only able to visit him once, never since. I felt terrible.

 

I am sorry not to have responded to your note earlier. I don't know how I missed it even though I follow you. Would you kindly @Guilietta me until until I figure this out? 

 

@Tom37 same here. I adjusted who I am following - I had to trim it down since I am indundated.

 

I am feeling terrible now and fairly not functional. NOt to hijack your thread.

 

It is frustrating - you feel like you've got a little wave and now this little set back. It will pass. That your boss continues to support you is a blessing.

2 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

No timed notes today. Have been completely and utterly exhausted by the panic I created in myself about work stress. Lots of palpitations in the morning and early waking.

 

Usually my case about the notes. I have such a wide variety of symptoms throughout the day that unless t hey are incapacitating or new - I dont' jot them down. Is your situation about the same? I am not able to look back at your logs.

 

Don't let work stress you out, worsen your health, or make it first. I wish I had stepped up for my needs in my previous jobs. One of my previous jobs -   I made decisions that favored my employer - while I sacrificed my needs.  I did not see the father of a dear friend in his final illness = and he had very much wanted to see me.  I put work first only to have my job (and department) elminated about 5 months later.

 

Again sorry. Today is off to a terrible start.

 

Hugs,

giuilietta

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Hey @Guilietta, sorry your day started badly, really hoping it has improved for you. Thanks for this kind message- yeah, it has been hard about my bro. I feel like we're going through parallel experiences, his stroke has left him confused and disoriented, as has my WD. I'm hopefully going to visit him in hospital one day soon. Looks like he will have to go into some kind of care home, he's not looking after himself too well.

 

It's sad. He's only 61. I'm the baby, at 50. 

 

My brainstorm seems to have calmed down today, was dodgy on waking with palpitations and anxiety, but I forced myself out for a walk, did some shopping, tried to think through my meeting with the boss and decided that I had vastly over reacted. God, WD brain is very trying. It's like the 'alarm system' seems to go off at the slightest trigger. Seem to have pulled myself out of the emotional spiral today, if you wait long enough, it seems to burn itself out.

Today, I've tidied up the flat a bit, going to give it a proper clean tomorrow, do some yoga. Very chilled out, calming things.

 

Anyway, waving at you from London. Winding down for bedtime. See you tomorrow xxxxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Guilietta

Hello @sunnysideup69

 

Sounds like your day picked up - and you are relaxing now. I'm glad to know this. My dizziness and head turns abated around 11 a.m. and I had regained sufficient  balance and strength in my legs to walk about 11.30 a.m. This afternoon I was able to be out to local shops to do a few errands but coping with assorted emotional ups and downs. The activites distracted me from the ruminating.

 

You and your brother are it seems in parallel universes for lack of a better expression. Does your brother have family - children maybe?

 

So you are fabulous 50! I am fabulous 57 and the older of two. To be honest it often seems like I am younger of two. :) 

 

I often have to force myself to do things (now) and if I just do smaller things - rather than thinking about them in advance - I do better. Bigger things (like trips into the city) need a bit of planning  - so I have some control and fewer surprises.

 

On the other hand - unless I commit to taking a vacation - unless I buy the ticket - I may never go. This pre-dates WD and CT. ;) I now can't imagine going more than 50 miles away. I used to pick up and go to the UK and Europe - and now could not dream of it. 

 

Well - that is a big goal to march toward.

 

2 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

It's like the 'alarm system' seems to go off at the slightest trigger. Seem to have pulled myself out of the emotional spiral today, if you wait long enough, it seems to burn itself out.

 

Exactly. Some days I'm able to be calm and reflective about a situation - and many times I over-react, catastrophize, what if, and ruminate on a number of cognitive distortions. At least I am wising up to it. Long way to go to improve though. ;)

 

My neurologist often starts her response to my impassioned questions (read: catastrophizing, worrying and the like) with 'let's unpack this.' Most recently this was with the brain zaps - and were these seizures, what were then, etc.  It can be a good start to examine a situation.

 

What method(s) do you find help with this.

 

Well done on picking up your flat! @Erell and I have a running conversation about picking up our domiciles (and my nemesis: paperwork!).

 

Have a lovely and relaxing evening. I'm looking forward to watching a DVD after practicing 'presence'. Uusally I fall asleep but I keep trying.

 

Hugs,

Giuilietta 🤗

 

 

 

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Notes for Thursday 7th November restarted fish oil today, one capsule, 1200mg

 

Very disrupted sleep, still ruminating over work stress, awake at 4, back to sleep

 

5am up, palpitations and misery 4, feel exhausted

630 breakfast, feel a bit more appetite today, anxiety 4

7am Venlafaxine 75mg XR, anxiety 3, decide I need some fresh air today to clear my anxious head

8am warm bath, temperature dysregulation

9am out for a walk, don't want to go as jelly legs and a bit short of breath but feel better as soon as outside, mildly panicky 2 but gone in 5 mins

10am return home anxiety subsiding 2 and now work.rumination seems to diminish

11am ravenously hungry, hardly ate yesterday, eat lunch, take 1200mg fish oil

12 anxiety gone

Spend afternoon relaxing inside watching comedy, realising I really over reacted to work situ

1700 strength exercises at home

1800 eat supper, really hungry

Spend evening tidying around flat and listening to music, feeling calm.

2130 bed

 

 

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sunnysideup69
15 hours ago, Guilietta said:

 

My neurologist often starts her response to my impassioned questions (read: catastrophizing, worrying and the like) with 'let's unpack this.' Most recently this was with the brain zaps - and were these seizures, what were then, etc.  It can be a good start to examine a situation.

What method(s) do you find help with this.

 

Hey @Guilietta, no, my brother doesn't have a family. He had quite a toxic 'partner' for a while who I felt made him feel very bad, but she has disappeared since his stroke and hospitalization, thank goodness. And he is so forgetful after his stroke and operation, he seems to have forgotten her.

 

I'm exhausted and achey and feeling crappy today. No major anx/dep, minor wobbles this morning, but I've got body aches/headache, and just feel under the weather. Am pretty sure though, it's not an actual cold, it's WD. Do you ever get this? Have still been out for a walk and to the shop, but I just feel like hibernating today, and resting. Have started a 30day 'sugar detox', not gonna eat refined sugar for a month, was getting into eating too much.

Texted my boss to let him know I'll be back next Wednesday, and got a lovely response, so I was definitely over worrying about nothing. Managed to exhaust myself this week. I think lots of rest for me this weekend. Gonna do Park Run tomorrow but then gonna rest up and watch movies etc.Nothing else in the calender for this weekend, so just going with the flow.

I like your neurologist's response to the catastrophising. The things I tend to do are distracting myself, if I can feel I'm falling into a catastrophe-hole; and also, trying to recognise that 'these are just thoughts and I don't have to believe them.' It kind of puts a distance between myself and the thought. Getting out and going for a good walk. Doing something physical, to try to break the mental loop. Legs up the wall yoga also really calms me down.

How ya doing today?

 

 

 

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Am curious- anyone out there- how many of you get flu like symptoms as part of WD? Am feeling rotten today. Got very stressed this week, felt a lot better yesterday emotionally, but today have aching muscles, jabbing pains, achey head, temp dysegulation. Go away, fake-flu.

I'm realising I was getting this a lot last year when I updosed Citalopram. There's no end to what these drugs do, is there?

 

Also, this is giving me a lot of comfort today.....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQtO6HXJfjw

 

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Guilietta

Hello Sunny

 

Just a quick note - I know it's the end of your day. ;) I have a family event today at the house - and it's stressful and  a lot of work.

 

3 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

how many of you get flu like symptoms as part of WD? Am feeling rotten today.

 

I have experienced a lot of congestion, runny nose, going through a box of kleenex for a number of days at a time. I knew that flu like symtoms were part of WD (or could be) but just observed this. The clincher is tht I live with people whom I would have expected to catch from me (older - not such good immune systems) - but they did not.  It was not allergies - which I have early spring and late fall (this was the summer).

 

Company just came. Will write more later. :)

 

I hope I get to chill and watch movies today too.

 

Giulietta

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sunnysideup69
2 minutes ago, Guilietta said:

Hello Sunny

 

Just a quick note - I know it's the end of your day. ;) I have a family event today at the house - and it's stressful and  a lot of work.

 

 

I have experienced a lot of congestion, runny nose, going through a box of kleenex for a number of days at a time. I knew that flu like symtoms were part of WD (or could be) but just observed this. The clincher is tht I live with people whom I would have expected to catch from me (older - not such good immune systems) - but they did not.  It was not allergies - which I have early spring and late fall (this was the summer).

 

Company just came. Will write more later. :)

 

I hope I get to chill and watch movies today too.

 

Giulietta

Hey @Guiliettait's 1730 here in London. Sending good wishes for your event xxxxx

I want this fake flu to go away, chat more later xxx

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Tom37

Feeling like I have the flu or another type of illness has been a constant part of my waves and it’s what makes them so tough physically to deal with. I don’t get the aches or anything I just feel like you do when you have a bad stomach virus or something and you just are in a lot of discomfort and nothing takes it away. It’s hard to even go for a walk around the block yet pre wave I was walking up 5km tracks up a peak. But it’s so clear it’s wd as different than actually being sick. Just wish I knew what these symptoms meant and what stage my body was at in recovery.

 

Glad your feeling bit better about work situation. Being in a wave let alone wd makes everything that much more intense and for me it makes me doubt what I can do which just adds more problems but one thing I have found is you can do so much more than you think you can. Everything just seems to get blown out of proportion and then when the wave ends you can’t believe you stressed about it.

 

Have a good night.

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Guilietta

Hello @sunnysideup69 - back to complete my message....

 

How did you do after (yesterday?)? It sounds like you did enjoyable things - walking, visiting the shops, but also stressful like communicating with your boss and starting a diet change. Hope you got to relax as well.

 

10 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Have started a 30day 'sugar detox', not gonna eat refined sugar for a month

 

Do you mean refined carbs?  A ketogenic diet (re: your youtube post)?

 

I wish you a ton of luck on your sugar detox!

 

I have comments about appetite, weight, and diet management - I don't want to hijack your thread on this so will write on mine about this (tomorrow). :)  I have started to read through on this subject in self-care.

 

10 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

if I can feel I'm falling into a catastrophe-hole; and also, trying to recognise that 'these are just thoughts and I don't have to believe them.'

 

Thank you for the tips about managing catastrophe holes. Great expression. 🤣 I am able to see other people's catastrophizing thoughts much better than being able to identify when I am falling into them.  Is catastrophizing  'what if'ing'?

 

3 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Just wish I knew what these symptoms meant and what stage my body was at in recovery.

 

Not that I am aware @Tom37. I wish I did. It would make planning something easier. ;)

The day is nearly done, thank goodness.   After  picking up, cleaning up, and picking up -  I am tired of playing hostess and glad to have time to myself to focus on the positive and relax.

 

I you are having a restful sleep,

Giuilietta 🤗

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sunnysideup69
10 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Feeling like I have the flu or another type of illness has been a constant part of my waves ....... But it’s so clear it’s wd as different than actually being sick. Just wish I knew what these symptoms meant and what stage my body was at in recovery.

Thanks @Tom37, I thought I had a cold several times on the Citalopram, and now twice on the Ven. But it never 'breaks', I'm just shivery and a bit achey  and generally have that feeling of malaise, as you describe. So I'm pretty sure it's WD, and yes it's always part of a wave.

I snuggled up on the sofa most of yesterday, fell asleep around 7pm, woke at 1030pm, went to bed and have now awoken at 5am. Tonnes of sleep.Very weird dreams.

Work stress definitely has knocked me into some kind of a wave again. How annoying.

Me too, I also wish I knew where I was in recovery. Still able to run5k twice a week, but honestly it's more of a gentle jog..try to get some strength exercises in at home also. Gonna get myself back to yoga on a Tuesday. Might join a gym in December and do some really gentle weights work.

Physically, at the moment, it's most often my stomach that is symptomatic....gurgly/ a bit painful/ indigestion/ dyspepsia. It's the thing that keeps coming back. I've even cut out the magnesium, cos I think I was reacting badly to it, even a little. I was making home made milk kefir and drinking it daily, have had a bit of a break. That seemed to ease my stomach a bit.

Anyway, hope your day has been an improving one and if not, take heart, it's coming. I'm just waking. Not sure what the day will bring this Saturday. Gonna jog and do the hoovering, thrilling stuff 😂

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sunnysideup69
3 hours ago, Guilietta said:

Hello @sunnysideup69

 

How did you do after (yesterday?)? It sounds like you did enjoyable things - walking, visiting the shops, but also stressful like communicating with your boss and starting a diet change. Hope you got to relax as well.

🤣

Hey Guilietta,

Had a bit of a rough day yesterday, was just miserable on and off, with a few windows of feeling better here and there. Generally one of those days where I feel no optimism about the future/ I'm stuck like this etc. Had no energy in the afternoon, I just sat on the sofa under a blanket, and watched Peter Breggin MD on YouTube. I was scared to watch him before, he is a non-prescribing psychiatrist and I didn't feel ready to hear what he had to say about what psych drugs do. He's very good, and I found him to be highly compassionate.

By about 5pm my mood was a bit better but still exhausted, so stayed put. Around 7pm fell asleep. Woke with a start at 2230, took myself to bed. Now it's 5 30 am. I did wake briefly in the night, but fell asleep again.

Got a really nice, supportive message from my boss yesterday. I actually do like going to work, I only do 3 days per week, it gives me some sense of normality and contact with the world at large. It's just that my stress tolerance seems very low at the moment, and schools can be pressured and stressful.

First day of no refined sugar. So, no chocolate. I had been getting back into a chocolate habit. I don't eat white rice or bread, but I do like some roast potatoes 😋 Still feeling a bit 'meh' on waking today, but hoping this will improve as the day goes on, will maybe even have a tiiiiny bit more energy. Let's see.

Glad your event seems to have passed successfully yesterday. I'm intrigued. What kind of an 'event' is it?

Sending hugs 🤗

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sunnysideup69

Notes for Friday 8th November

First day of cutting out refined sugar

Not such a great day, still feels like part of a wave which has been occurring since about last Saturday/Sunday, brought on by work stress. Or rather, my reaction to work stress. Got lots of sleep though, which is pretty healing, so am glad of that.

 

4am awake, so listened to relaxation on YouTube

515 got up

545 anxiety 3, WD cold symptoms

615 breakfast

630 dizziness/pressure in forehead, this is pretty much daily, worse in a wave, and am sure it's from low Venlafaxine level in system. 

700 anxiety still 3 take Venlafaxine 75mg XR

710 warm bath

730 low mood 3

930 low mood briefly leaves but is back and forward with anxiety all morning, both around 3. I do get out for a walk and do some shopping. Do meditation when I get back.

1300 eat lunch, then 1200mg fish oil

All afternoon, feel exhausted and sad, hunker down on the sofa under a blanket watching Dr. Breggin on youtube

1700 feeling a bit better, eat some supper

1900 must have fallen asleep around now

2230 wake with a start feeling low 3, take myself to bed

 

It's been a really sludgy day, also it's getting a lot colder and I'm really finding it hard to adapt

 

 

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sunnysideup69

I hope to pick up again soon, it's really tedious being in a wave. November has got off to a poor start so am hoping it can only get better...fingers crossed.

I'm having some ridiculous thoughts this morning, such as worrying about death of parents/siblings/moderators on surviving ads and then thoughts about getting sacked. Being lonely and miserable for the rest of my life. I'm almost laughing as I type this as it's so melodramatic.

One thing is different though, I'm not bugging anyone with questions about 'is this a wave?' That's a small improvement and implies a tiny degree of acceptance and trust, if only for five minutes. This morning, life still seems very dull, as if there will never be any excitement again....but then I remind myself on Thursday I had nearly a whole day of feeling better, minimal anxiety, and a really happy evening. And planning for the future.

Chin up, it's a wave. Provoked by getting overly stressed. Writing about it helps. Hope it's not too triggering for anyone following this thread.

 

 

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sunnysideup69

Ha! Evidence of the windows and waves subsystems switching on and off has just happened right here.....extraordinary. Woke up feeling really miserable. Suddenly, around 9am, it's like a switch flipped and I'm up, in my running gear and ready for a jog, feeling much brighter. A subsystem has suddenly flipped back on. Welcome relief, however long it lasts. Also noticing how much it's linked to weather, the sun came out an hour ago and my mood really improved with that.

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Erell

Oh sunny, how sweet it is To read about this switch! ❤🤗 Enjoy it !

 

 

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Benzhelp
2 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I hope to pick up again soon, it's really tedious being in a wave. November has got off to a poor start so am hoping it can only get better...fingers crossed.

I'm having some ridiculous thoughts this morning, such as worrying about death of parents/siblings/moderators on surviving ads and then thoughts about getting sacked. Being lonely and miserable for the rest of my life. I'm almost laughing as I type this as it's so melodramatic.

One thing is different though, I'm not bugging anyone with questions about 'is this a wave?' That's a small improvement and implies a tiny degree of acceptance and trust, if only for five minutes. This morning, life still seems very dull, as if there will never be any excitement again....but then I remind myself on Thursday I had nearly a whole day of feeling better, minimal anxiety, and a really happy evening. And planning for the future.

Chin up, it's a wave. Provoked by getting overly stressed. Writing about it helps. Hope it's not too triggering for anyone following this thread.

 

 

Hi sunnysideup69,

Thank you for your updates. 

Sorry you have being having a hard time recently. Hope things get better for you very soon <3 

The thoughts/feelings you describe are common even in non withdrawal for most people I think, but definitely can be more intense in withdrawal or with these drugs, can relate and sympathise.

Please be gentle with yourself. Doing things one loves/enjoys and are healing, helps shift the heavy vibes a bit to a lighter one. 

Glad you are seeing improvements, even small ones are a reason to rejoice. You are so brave.

Wishing you all the best on your Healing Journey, Sunnysideup <3

Blessings, Healing, Peace and Love <3

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sunnysideup69
2 hours ago, Erell said:

Oh sunny, how sweet it is To read about this switch! ❤🤗 Enjoy it !

 

 

Thanks @Erell, thanks very much! A bit tired now, went for a jog, but definitely improved since yesterday. Hopefully on the way up again.

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sunnysideup69

@Benzhelp, thanks so much for your kind words...this site is truly wonderful. 

And you're right, I never had such random intrusive thoughts until antidep withdrawal...ugh. It's really hard not to get sucked in, but thankfully, mood suddenly lifted and I've been feeling a wee bit better since around 10am. More energy than yesterday, so fingers crossed, the wave I've been experiencing this week is maybe easing up a bit.

I'm going to have a read of your thread, see you're drug-free now! Wow! That's amazing, well done and congratulations. It's a huge achievement.

Love to you x

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Guilietta

Good day, sunnysideup!

 

You have been quite a prolific writer and very informative about your wide-ranging emotions and activities. It's nice to know that you have ended thing on an uptick, had a good night's sleep, got out for a jog and started your sugar detox, got a call from a supportive boss and I don't know what else I missed. ;)

 

Bit of a read here...brevity is the soul of wit as Shakespeare said and apparently I am witless.

 

8 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Still able to run5k twice a week, but honestly it's more of a gentle jog..try to get some strength exercises in at home also. Gonna get myself back to yoga on a Tuesday. Might join a gym in December and do some really gentle weights work.

 

Good for you. I tell myself that some time on the treadmill is better than no time (I try 45 min of 4.5% incline at 3.5 mph every day - if I do NOTHING it's easy to break a good habit I worked hard to cultivate).  Have you tried using dumbells at night while watching TV, youtube or listening tno music? Again - even some are better than none. PHysical activity as much as much as we manage without exacerbating WD is so good for our brains.

 

3 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Also noticing how much it's linked to weather, the sun came out an hour ago and my mood really improved with that.

 

Quite. Have you started with your list of what to do for the many days of cloudy weather we are in for?  I have a light box but honestly can't say it helps. I wish I had not wasted the money.

 

8 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I actually do like going to work, I only do 3 days per week, it gives me some sense of normality and contact with the world at large. It's just that my stress tolerance seems very low at the moment,

 

Have you thought about tutoring? I don't know if there's much of a market for that or if it may be an easier situation. I have thought about going back to school for an MA - but it may not be a) of value for getting a better job and b) I can learn this on my own by reading. I had years ago wanted to teach the history of western civilization and developments during the age of enightment and the 2 WWs (the truth about them) - but there is not much of a call for that, very sorry to say. Too bad because the world could learn a lot.

 

5 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I'm having some ridiculous thoughts this morning, such as worrying about death of parents/siblings/moderators on surviving ads and then thoughts about getting sacked. Being lonely and miserable for the rest of my life.

 

I'm sorry you're having these thoughts but also glad you penned them. We are in a huge group of people with these thoughts - you were brave to mention them.  I experience the same about my parents, siblings, and dog - parents are 80. Dog is 14. I don't consider myself catastrohizing or what if'ing. As you said in your post - these negative thoughts repeat themselvees when we are tired and over-stressed. It is really hard to be rationale about what we know is part of the lifecycle. I ask myself how I will live without them - even when we have spats.  Maybe asking others how they accept and move ahead for us.

 

Any others worried about these losses and how people cope?

 

5 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I'm not bugging anyone with questions about 'is this a wave?' That's a small improvement and implies a tiny degree of acceptance and trust, if only for five minutes. This morning, life still seems very dull, as if there will never be any excitement again....but then I remind myself on Thursday I had nearly a whole day of feeling better, minimal anxiety, and a really happy evening. And planning for the future.

Chin up, it's a wave. Provoked by getting overly stressed. Writing about it helps. Hope it's not too triggering for anyone following this thread.

 

Well put. Your comments about asking if you are in a wave are not too triggering for me. I don't post more unless I have something to share, I'm in a bad way and need encouragement, feedback and support. I know others may need more support more than me  - and that we all handle how we are handling this differently.

 

I may be more lilly livered that others on SA but cannot bring myself to watch the best of people - Breggin, Whittaker and all - talk about the truth about ADs. Learning more than I know is triggering for me so that I am able to watch them. What I would watch:

  • How many prescribers 💩 lose their licenses  to practice over this malpractice - temporarily or permanently
  • Drug company BODs, management, and the legions of other 💩 (multiply by a factor of x) who know about these drugs are investigated and held accountable
  • The FDA and EMEA, and regulatory agencies and legislators be investigated and held accountable
  • How we can recover from WD and years of exposure to these drugs.

Yup. Can you tell I'm on (another) tear about this today. Maybe because I'm tired after yesterday and overly stressed.  I cannot accept this or get it out of my head - even on windows. 

 

Yesterday was a birthday party. A little bit of socializing goes a long way with me 🙄 (as @Gridley has mentioned - 3 hours is about it and that includes 'breaks'). Today I need to keep to myself and have some control over my life and do the errands I needed to yesterday. Tonight is dinner as a follow-on to tomorrow's party - but no cleaning involved. :) Yeesh. 

 

Will write about food for WD recovery on my page later (time permitting) and some questions maybe - so hope you will chime in about your sugar detox, etc.  Would love your comments. I know diet changes are stressful. Can you eat almonds or healthy fats instead? Or perhaps whole grain crackers (or digestives). Hee we have triscuits which are tasty (get the 'hint of salt' variety) with a little protein....yum...

 

Well, sweetie, here's to a good day in London. Freezing here 22 F at 6 a.m. (when I got up). This week low temps in the US are expected to set record lows. This is of course according to last night's weather forecast. 🤣

 

Giulietta

💗

 

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