Jump to content
sunnysideup69

sunnysideup69: what can I do to stabilise on venlafaxine

Recommended Posts

sunnysideup69

Hello survivors, I'm feeling good this morning and yesterday, so...will take advantage and try to be outside/away from computer a bit more :)

 

Notes for Monday 28th October 2019

 

**NO SUPPLEMENTS.WILL START AGAIN IN NOVEMBER SYSTEMATICALLY**

 

3am awake, use bathroom, back to sleep

5am wake up sadness/anxiety 3 BUT good sleep

6am Dyspepsia 2, mostly lower colon discomfort BUT no pain

645 breakfast

7am Venlafaxine 75mg XR **trying to stick to same brand for next refill**

745 hot bath, no epsom salts

8am bath was too hot, made me feel wobbly in arms

8am 20mins meditation/10mins legs up wall yoga anxiety 0 now

10am walk around the block to the shop, feeling HAPPINESS

1130am old friend from Uni arrives, haven't seen for 30 years, we eat lunch and spend the next 3 hours chatting and laughing

230pm Friend leaves and I feel HAPPY but a bit tired

Spend a nice afternoon just pottering around

1730 supper feeling peaceful and content

2200 bed

 

Wow, what a lovely day! These are the days that give me hope. This is what is waiting for me, as well as happening now.

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Erell
22 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

10am walk around the block to the shop, feeling HAPPINESS

 

 

Wow, what a lovely day! These are the days that give me hope. This is what is waiting for me, as well as happening now.

 

What a lovely day indeed ! This is HUGE dear Sunny 😍 

See,  last week was just a bad wave, and now you can Feel happiness 😉

Thank you for sharing this,  you give me hope 🤗

 

Have a great day !

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69
10 minutes ago, Erell said:

 

What a lovely day indeed ! This is HUGE dear Sunny 😍 

See,  last week was just a bad wave, and now you can Feel happiness 😉

Thank you for sharing this,  you give me hope 🤗

 

Have a great day !

 

You're welcome, my lovely. I even feel like gently jogging again this morning, through the park. Have a wonderful day xxx

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69

Notes for Tuesday 29th October Anxiety/Depression 0 all day :)

 

Woke early but back to sleep

510 Awake, up, feeling rested

630 breakfast

700 Venlafaxine 75mgXR

950 5k jog, really enjoyed it, then went shopping

1245 ate lunch and relaxed

1500 big wave of tiredness, just want to sleep but I resist 

1800 supper

2000 warm bath and relaxed

2100 tired, went to bed

 

Share this post


Link to post
Erell

What a day !!!! You must Feel like you've turned a corner ☺

 

Enjoy it dear Sunny ❤

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69
1 minute ago, Erell said:

What a day !!!! You must Feel like you've turned a corner ☺

 

Enjoy it dear Sunny ❤

Thank you, yes, am really squeezing the most out of the good days, so that I have some good memories for the bad days. xxxxxx went back to work after half term, today, and it was okay. I feel much calmer since cutting out the magnesium for a week.

Share this post


Link to post
Guilietta
On 10/29/2019 at 3:48 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

Hello survivors, I'm feeling good this morning and yesterday, so...will take advantage and try to be outside/away from computer a bit more :)

 

Hello Sunny

 

What thrilling news (I mean thrilling) for your good days - no anxiety or depression - jogging, shopping, walking...feeling happy. Returning to work. This not only makes us happy for you - but also gives us hope that we'll enjoy more happy moments and days ahead. All of these - harbingers of long term recovery. :)

 

Hugs 🤗

Guilietta

 

@sunnysideup69 and @Erell

 

Do more of what makes you happy 🌹

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Guilietta
On 10/26/2019 at 5:07 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

Also, forcing myself to watch this again. 

 

The book by Doidge is excellent.  don't remember what it says about ADs.

Nice that you have had a nice window since the day you posted this video -

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69

Gonna post notes for Wednesday, Thursday and tonight all in one go. Mstly good, some work drama wobbled me a bit, but am handling it a lot better than anticipated. Hello to all, will check in properly this weekend when free xxx

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69

Wednesday 30th October Notes

Awake early, go to loo, back to sleep

5am alarm goes off, up

530 minor anxiety 1

545 breakfast

630 meditation

650 leave for work

720 arrive at destination tube feeling really dizzy and realise I forgot to take Venlafaxine, have to go back

745 arrive home, dizziness 4, take Venlafaxine 75mg XR and leave for work again

830 arrive at work dizziness 0

1200 lunch

1400 arrive home

1445 lunch part 2

1730 supper

Peaceful and happy

2200 bed

Share this post


Link to post
Erell

"Peaceful and happy " 🤗😍

 

Have a Nice week-end dear Sunny !

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69

Thursday 31st October

Really good day, despite what happened at work, will elaborate at the end

 

4am awake

5am get up

530 bath, no epsom

600 breakfast dizziness 1

620 meditation

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR, then leave for work

745 arrive at work dizziness gone

1200 lunch

1400 home

2200 bed

No anxiety today, it catches up with me over next couple of nights.... 

Had a routine meeting with boss at work today about returning back to full days next week, part time, which I'm now able to do. 

Boss has been great, school have been so supportive and will continue to be so. I'm well looked after. 

We went through a few things, and also I'm going to occupational health, which is good as we can create a wellness plan for work. 

However, the boss suddenly says that there's one more thing and it's a bit sensitive. He warns me to be a bit careful about what I post on Facebook, as a colleague came to him and said that, whilst I was off sick, I had posted an update about being out. So basically, there's a little snitch at work 😠

He was clear that he had no problem at all with me going out whilst off, he even said he understood that occupational health would have recommended walking/running whilst ill. However, someone who is staff and on my Facebook list had seen it and made a judgement. 

 

He wasn't telling me what to post, but the whole conversation had a tone of him warning me about certain people at work. 

 

Funny thing is, I can pretty much guess who it is. There is one member of staff who absolutely gushed over me when I returned to work, she has never bothered with me before. I hadn't confided in her about my mental health, as I don't like her. However, the day before I returned half time, I had included her in the conversations as I have a plan for dealing with a panic attack at work /she is the phase leader and needs to know about it. The next day, she ran into my room and was alluding to having read my time line and having thought I was off work after an operation.. she seemed a bit panicky, but was so gushy and supportive I kind of registered something was off. Over compensation, we call it in psychology. My hunch is that she assumed I was off after an operation, then saw my post about jogging and ran off to tell the boss. What a 😠🤬😠🤬

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69

Friday 1st November

Really disrupted sleep. Began processing what someone had done at work. I am SO angry with the little turd. 

 

Forgot to take notes today, but aside from a bit of dizziness pre Venlafaxine, I had a good day at work. Reminding myself that 99 per cent of people are really supportive. At 230pm, I travelled over to Hackney, am catsitting for the weekend.

Dreadful sleep tonight, too, as the flat upstairs have music playing and I'm still upset about that little turd at work. I need to change the channel, but once home from work, am ruminating. 

1 hour ago, Erell said:

"Peaceful and happy " 🤗😍

 

Have a Nice week-end dear Sunny !

Thank you dear Erell, gonna catch up with your thread now..... 

Share this post


Link to post
Erell

Just learned a new English Word : turd  ! 😄😄😄

 

You already know that but really ignore this person. Her life must be really sad To spend her energy in conflict and trying To hurt others. 

You have the support of your boss, this is the most important. 

 

You are more valuable than this ❤

After a phase of acute WD you are getting more and more good days : that is really the only thing that matter :)

 

😙

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69
31 minutes ago, Erell said:

Just learned a new English Word : turd  ! 😄😄😄

 

You already know that but really ignore this person. Her life must be really sad To spend her energy in conflict and trying To hurt others. 

You have the support of your boss, this is the most important. 

 

You are more valuable than this ❤

After a phase of acute WD you are getting more and more good days : that is really the only thing that matter :)

 

😙

 

You are right, and I am grateful! I'm going to put my energy into recovery, not into little turds 😂😂😂

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69
On 10/30/2019 at 11:21 PM, Guilietta said:

 

Hello Sunny

 

What thrilling news (I mean thrilling) for your good days - no anxiety or depression - jogging, shopping, walking...feeling happy. Returning to work. This not only makes us happy for you - but also gives us hope that we'll enjoy more happy moments and days ahead. All of these - harbingers of long term recovery. :)

 

Hugs 🤗

Guilietta

 

@sunnysideup69 and @Erell

 

Do more of what makes you happy 🌹

 

Thank you @Guilietta@Guilietta am glad it gives you hope, too. Have had a good run this week, in spite of a blip at work. Long term recovery is a reality, it's waiting for all of us, I have no doubt. How are you doing with the beads? 

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69

I'm getting better. Since last Sunday, have had 7 good days, minor symptoms. Even though some little turd tried to 'throw me under the bus' at work. I coped, I chatted with the boss, I was calm. 

I'm tired today and am sure my nervous system is, too, but I think the things I'm doing to help myself are beginning to pay off. 

Also, was able to have a good cry this morning, a genuine one, which was actually really a relief. 

I'm feeling encouraged. 

Share this post


Link to post
Guilietta

Hello Sunny,

 

6 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Long term recovery is a reality, it's waiting for all of us, I have no doubt.

 

It is indeed. And those words are powerful. After a good week - it is reinforcement that we will heal.

 

Beads are going OK, thanks for asking! This weekend I will create another week's worth of capsules. I have to pick up a new vial of 20 mg capsules because current capsules expire this month.

 

5 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

some little turd tried to 'throw me under the bus' at work. I coped, I chatted with the boss, I was calm.

 

Good for you for handling  the situation with aplomb and professionally.  It sounds like all's well that ends well. Turd's  💩 problem is not your problem. And as @Erell aptly said - time and energy spent on said turd is wasted - when it is better put  toward positive things that support your recovery move us forward. :) Nonetheless - one blip can hit us hard particuilarly is we are sensitive by nature.  

 

6 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

was able to have a good cry this morning, a genuine one, which was actually really a relief. 

 

Glad you found some relief. My morning was kind of like this too. 😳

 

@Erell the beauty of using colorful language in English is that you can use these words and no one knows what you mean.... 🤣

 

Have a lovely rest of day - and I get another hour sleep tonight thanks to the archaic daylight savings time program (this is the only good thing about it - but it's good only for one night out of 365!)

 

Hugs,

Giulietta

 

 


 

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69

Notes for Saturday 2nd November 

2am really peed off about little turd at work, can't sleep, also noisy party upstairs. Get up drink tea. 

330 back to sleep with kitty cat

530 up, exhausted, ruminating about work, angry and sad but no WD 

645 breakfast

700 75mg Venlafaxine XR and then do some 'tapping' (emotional freedom technique) and journalling. Feeling really tense in body. Suddenly burst into tears after tapping, have a really good cry for 20 mins. Feel much better after. 

1230 lunch

230 emotionally a bit exhausted now, minor palpitation s, go back to bed and rest all afternoon. Listen to relaxation meditations and podcasts. Drift in and out of

snoozing with Coconut the cat. No WD symptoms apart from those slight palpitations. 

1900 get up briefly, go to shop, back to bed 

2200 go to sleep

Share this post


Link to post
Erell
1 minute ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Notes for Saturday 2nd November 

2am really peed off about little turd at work, can't sleep, also noisy party upstairs. 

 I can totally relate  😄 Noisy party...downstairs for me !

 

3 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

 No WD symptoms apart from those slight palpitations. 

 

This is great 😙

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69
4 minutes ago, Erell said:

 I can totally relate  😄 Noisy party...downstairs for me !

 

 

This is great 😙

Thank you xxx 

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69

Well, been feeling sh*tty all day. Work stress has created a little wave I think, so am going to treat myself very gently over the next couple of days.

Share this post


Link to post
Erell

Yes, treat yourself very gently, do some relaxation.

You have already improved so much,you will be fine :)

 

Take good care 😚

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69

Sunday 3rd November 2019

 

4am awake, fall back to sleep

5am awake

6am breakfast

7am Venlafaxine 75mgXR

8am ruminating on work incident, anger, palpitations for about 5 mins, played with cat and felt better

1000 went for 5k run, felt much better after

1100 had warm bath

1130 meditation 40 mins

1300 lunch, feeling sleepy

1330 cant get through to parents on phone, nervous system is activated, feel wobbly and tired

1400 leave catsitting, go home, feeling upset and emotional

1600 feeling much better, nervous system has calmed

2100 go to bed

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69

Monday 4th November

Today was pretty horrible. Getting so upset over work last week has caused a bit of an emotional crash/wave, which I now have to ride out. Again, it's all a lesson in what helps me/hinders me from stabilising. I have written to the head and let him know how I'm feeling about the little turd who snitched, and have also explained how things like this affect me at the moment. Someone snitching would upset me when I'm well, but in current circumstances, I find it absolutely devastating and it affects me for days on end.

 

Good sleep

5am get up

630 breakfast, anxiety about 2/3

7am Venlafaxine 75mg XR

9am anxiety is calming to 2/1, slight nausea

9am first Epsom salts bath in a couple weeks, two handfuls

In general, morning was okay, anxiety around 1

1230 eat lunch, notice that as I eat and digest, my mood seems to be tanking a bit, anxiety/dep around 2, palpitations, and I feel really exhausted as I digest. Wondering whether the Epsom salts bath was too much

1400 until 2200 on the couch, resting, in and out of sleep

2200 take myself to bed

 

@Gridley, good morning, afternoon, evening. I've got a question, but first, hope you're doing well. I had a bit of stress last week at work, and it didn't impact me immediately, but I've wobbled quite a lot since. Having a minor wobble since Saturday. We say that when the wobbles happen, it is the nervous system repairing itself. I know that holds true for when waves/wobbles just 'happen'. Is it also true in the case where you know something has impacted you negatively and your CNS is over reacting? It makes dealing with work quite tough, and I'm becoming aware that there are so many boundaries I'm going to have to put in place. Anyway, I guess I just have to treat this wobble in the same way as any other. Getting plenty of rest, eating well etc. Would be good to know your thoughts. I wish I wasn't so oversensitive at the moment, but that's the state of play, and I just have to get on with it and cope as best as I can.

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69

I found this, I realise that the event at work got me sucked into an emotional spiral. I'm a bit inclined to ruminate anyway, but in withdrawal, it seems worse. Hey ho, more skills to practise, more things to learn. Bugger, I didn't see this spiral creeping up on me. I am even beginning to feel better after just reading through that information. I'm realising that it takes a LOT of discipline to recover in withdrawal. It's actually really hard work initially, hopefully it will get better over time. I really need to train my mind better. Antidepressant withdrawal is like mindfulness bootcamp, in many ways. I feel like I'm being forced to learn skills that I unfortunately just didn't learn, growing up, hence feeling like I 'needed' to resort to medication.

 

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69

 

Share this post


Link to post
Gridley
6 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Is it also true in the case where you know something has impacted you negatively and your CNS is over reacting?

In the case of an external stressor it would be more a reaction to the stressor than the usual wobbles of healing.

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69
1 minute ago, Gridley said:

In the case of an external stressor it would be more a reaction to the stressor than the usual wobbles of healing.

Sure.....it's so annoying. I guess the route to recovery is still the same, though.

Share this post


Link to post
Gridley
6 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I guess the route to recovery is still the same, though.

Yes, the same.  Everyone is going to ave stressors.  You have some good coping skills in place.

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69
2 minutes ago, Gridley said:

Yes, the same.  Everyone is going to ave stressors.  You have some good coping skills in place.

Yeah, that's very true......there is NO such thing as a stress-free recovery, is there? Wouldn't that be ideal. Appreciate your response, hope you are doing well, Gridley.

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69

Well, have had such a horrible few days after last week, have decided to take time out of work this week to 'reset.' 

 

Going to let my CNS settle and take the time I need. My meeting with boss last week was handled really clumsily, and it upset me so much that I'm actually wondering whether I've gone back to work too soon. Have had anxiety and total exhaustion since, been flat out in bed a lot, and last night the thought of going back was making me feel really panicky.

In the meeting last week, I not only had the news about Facebook spy, but he also kept going on about 'getting attendance back up' which felt really pressurising. I've only just gone back in after three weeks phased return. He also told me he's 'sending me to occupational health,' which I actually asked for ages ago, because 'he would get into trouble with Brent if he didn't do it.' Er, so, nothing to do with my recovery, then? And finally, he said that he would have to give me a letter about occupational health which 'contains a scary line about capability measures but he doesn't want me to worry about it.' Said something about long term absence being linked to capability. I'm actually sure this is way, way down the line, and as far as I know, I can't be deemed 'incapable' for being off with anxiety/ depression. That would be discrimination. I'm gonna call my union today and just check out my position.

My logical brain knows that I have maybe fixated on some negatives, and that actually, he doesn't have a leg to stand on. I'm allowed to take time out to recover, I believe I can take 6 months at full pay and six at half pay. But the emotional impact of that meeting has sent me reeling. I'm going to take time to regroup and recover. My mental health and stability comes first.

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69

Tuesday 5th November notes

 

Feeling a bit disheartened as I write. Wondering if I'm pushing myself too fast, too soon, re return to work. Some doubt this morning that things will ever change. Usual doubts this morning about stabilising, 'is this withdrawal or is it just that I can't cope, generally.' Am definitely not out of the 'big swings in either direction' territory. Sorry about such a gloomy start.

 

 

Had lots of dozing Monday afternoon, so sleep through night was fitful. Many crazy dreams. In a wave again since Saturday.

5am got up, drank tea, anxiety 4

630 low humming/buzzing in head

700 Venlafaxine 75mg XR anxiety still 4

730 warm bath, no epsom

800 anxiety still 4, digestion still feels 'off', body tics and jerks

900 dyspepsia, stomach and chest feel right, temperature dysregulation, some palpitations

1000 out for a 5k run, rumination

1100 find and read through 'emotional spirals' by Brass Monkey

1130 anxiety calming, 2, 

1330 lunch, as yesterday it makes me feel a bit low, it's as if even digesting food is a bit exhausting to my body at the moment, low mood about 3

1500 feeling a bit better but still some gut pain

1600 spike of anxiety, 3, went to lie in bed and listen to Claire Weekes link

Feeling discouraged, but have a long chat with a friend who is a manager and she reassures me that I can't be dismissed for taking time out with symptoms, there's a long process that has to be adhered to

2300 finally fall into a fitful sleep

 

Not a great day. Not great since Saturday. I hope I stabilise again soon and experience a longer window.

 

 

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Tom37

Sorry about the rough day. Try to remember that everything is magnified in a wave especially the thoughts about going back to work. Just remember how your feeling now will not last and there will be better days ahead. 

 

Hopefully this wave comes to an end soon and you get to spend some time feeling a lot better again. 

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69
1 hour ago, Tom37 said:

Sorry about the rough day. Try to remember that everything is magnified in a wave especially the thoughts about going back to work. Just remember how your feeling now will not last and there will be better days ahead. 

 

Hopefully this wave comes to an end soon and you get to spend some time feeling a lot better again. 

Thanks @Tom37

I'm hoping the same thing. You're right about the magnification. Better days seem far away right now, but I also know they must come again.

Share this post


Link to post
sunnysideup69
22 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Sorry about the rough day. Try to remember that everything is magnified in a wave especially the thoughts about going back to work. Just remember how your feeling now will not last and there will be better days ahead. 

 

Hopefully this wave comes to an end soon and you get to spend some time feeling a lot better again. 

 

Yes, again, you're right. Was thinking about this again, this morning. I've taken this week out, but I'm not going to take any longer.

I know my attendance at work needs to get back on track, thing is, I was doing ok until I met the boss last Thursday and he mentioned 'occupational health,' and that feels more formal. So far, he has been very supportive, and he did say he was just covering his back by making sure he had followed the correct channels, I perhaps over reacted a bit. I think that's a combination of WD plus my own anxiety. 

I'm still getting some palpitations and a churning stomach today, my nervous system is clearly agitated by it all, think I need to change the channel today.

Have to hold on to the fact that I WAS doing well overall and had begun to return to work. Can't let this setback send me right back to the beginning of this whole mess. Anyway, I think I need to leave this subject alone now, let it go. 

 

Any supportive words gratefully received, though. Am feeling pretty ****.

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy