Frenchgirl: on emergency

[Superwoman]

I hope you feel better Frenchie. Hang in there

[Frenchgirl]

Hi Sass,Shep,Alto 

Thanks for your reply.

Thanks for asking Sassenach.

I'm not doing Well at all.

Today was an awful day i wanted To cry many times,and I 've cried.I'm hardly depressed with low mood,and feel like a zombie.And this morning i had an argument with my mother.I was housebounded all day long.

20:40 Ate dinner,still very depressed.

Desperate feelings.

 

Monday was not good also,The afternoon i had an appointement with my psychologist and i cried during the appointement,then went To see my best friend 's stepmother and talked with Her,and cried.

Then relaxation therapy at home.

The night was unpleasant,with a lack of sleep.

Tuesday and wednesday as every other day i had difficulties To wake up and then i went at work.I've To say that maybye 2 weeks ago my co-workers found me more enjoyed with the clients and more motivated but now...

Tuesday at night i was feeling a little bit better(less depressed).

Sometimes I'm saying To myself that i can't go on living like this.

I will post tomorrow and will give further explainations.It's late at night here and I'm going To try to sleep. 

Warm wishes.

Frenchie.

[Frenchgirl]

Hi Superwoman 

Was thinking of you too.I'm not feeling better.

You're so adorable(I hope it's the good word in english ).I hope you are doing Well.

All the best.

Frenchie 

[Superwoman]

Hi Frenchie,

 

”Adorable” works. Thank you for the compliment.  Sorry you are struggling.  I know healing can be frustratingly slow.  I am feeling a lot better since dropping the extra bead. Thanks for asking. I am still suffering from anxiety but hope that will improve as I cut back coffee.  Do you see a counselor Frenchie?  I do. I think it helps.   Have you ever had your thyroid levels and vitamin D levels checked?  These are two common things that can cause depression.  Also, would you like a phone app to use to record symptoms?  I found one that is easy to use. 

[Frenchgirl]

Hi SA 

Here's my diary in short.

Sleep:some hours,don't know how many

exactly.

8:45 awake but stay in my bed,tired and drowsy.Songs in my head.Some Stomach burnings,pains.Some little face spasms.

11:10 open my Phone,short talk with my mum,take breakfast.

Hardly depressed:8,cry many times.

13:40 lunch ,took effexor.

Still hardly depressed.

14:50 go To work.

Depressed and with bad mood,irritability

19:15 went To see a GP

Anxiety and depressed.

20:30 dinner

Dépression lowers a little bit.6

On SA.

22:00 took passionflower+escholtzia 

23:00 clonazepam drops.

0:00 I'm going To sleep.Tinnitus more or less during the day and increasing at night.(current pb since years)

Some little tinglings in the face.

 

Best Regards.

Frenchie.

 

[Frenchgirl]

   Hi Superwoman 

To add another compliment you are really super!Glad To see you're feeling better.And so surprised you noticed any difference with just one bead!

I have a question how did you take the aditionnal bead?Just with a glass of water or in a capsule?Or put in some food?

 

I see a psychologist,is it like a counselor?Not very helpful for me.My thyroïd is ok,checked,vitamin d was a little low last winter if i do remenber Well what has been told me.What's your Phone application?

 

Warm wishes

Frenchie. 

 

[Frenchgirl]

Hi SA 

Here's my diary:

 

Sunday morning 

Awake 7:30.

Feeling that l' m lacking my dose like a junkie.

Can't wake up,so tired,lack of sleep,Feel like a zombie.Intrusive songs and intrusive strange thoughts.Hypnagogic hallucinations?

One or two shakes in my harms.Some facial spasms.Some pains in my harms.

12:20 had an orange juice.Took a shower.

13:40 lunch

took effexor during lunch 112.5mg 

Feel anxious all the afternoon 5/6,housebounded and more or less bedridden.Excepted that i washed my clothes.

20:30 dinner

21:55 Plants escholtzia and passionflower.

During that day i sometimes Feel like I'm not myself and also an unwell Being feeling.

My stomach isn't ok,and some pains while eating and when lying in my bead.

Ruminations all day long.Sinus and teeth pains.Some dark toughts.Kind of luminous flashes.

My mood is better the evening.

To me it seems i have some WD symptoms.

Have a Nice day.

FG.

[Superwoman]

Thank you Frenchgirl!  I chose the name Superwoman because I wanted something that would make me feel empowered and like, “I can do this!”  I wanted the name “Shera” but it was taken 🙁.  I would like to put a picture of Superwoman by my name, but I am not sure how. 
 

No I did not put the extra bead in a capsule.  I took the extra bead by itself with water. I was surprised myself to notice any difference with only one bead.  It is unbelievable how potent (strong) this medication is. Altostrata said that some of my symptoms may be a side effect from too much Effexor in addition to withdrawal. This could explain why adding the extra bead made things worse.  I wonder if some of your symptoms could be a side effect as well as withdrawal also?
 

Yes a psychologist is like a counselor. They talk with you but don’t prescribe meds.  Did the doctor check your T3 or T4 thyroid levels?  I felt pretty well today.  I had brain zaps here and there but otherwise alright. My husband and I took a vacation day because it was nice outside and we went kayaking with our dog for our anniversary.  How are you today?

See the below link where I posted about the app .

 

[Frenchgirl]

Dear Super Woman

That's great you are doing Well,and you went outside with your husband and your dog kayaking.Your dog was in the kayak too??So funny if it was the case...

My thyroid is ok,never had any problem with it.

I felt bad today.Sad,low mood.No energy.I pay the cost or the bill(don't know the right expression) of my too fast taper.I had huge side effects with too much Effexor at 187.5mg,that's sure.I panicked.Cut down too fast,too much.

With my 2nd cut i was saying To the french forum that i was missing my dose...

 

From now i Feel more that i have WD symptoms.

Such in a bad state,i'm still thinking of the possibility of updosing.But I agree that it's an extremly potent drug,with side effects.

Thanks for the link.

I'm going To sleep if i can!

Take Care Superwoman.

French Girl.

[Superwoman]

Dear Frenchgirl,

 

Yes, my dog was in the kayak with us. I think he is liked it.  He didn’t pee on me this time. I was happy about that. This was his second time in the kayak. The first time he got scared when a boat passed us and made a wake (waves) and he peed on me 😂!  
 

Sorry you are not feeling well.  You were so close. The saying is “pay the price.”  I payed the price too. I also had really bad side effects at the high dose. I was having panic attacks. I never had this before my doctor increased the Effexor. I was so desperate for the panic attacks to stop that I decreased faster than I should of.  I am still recovering from it. I became severely depressed after I decreased to 112.5 mg.  I was having suicidal thoughts and very flat and dead feeling. I got a brain treatment called Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS). Fortunately this helped a lot with the depression. It went from severe to mild.  It helped some with my anxiety also. 

[Vegalia]

Hi Frenchie,

 

Sorry to read that is always difficult for you.

I think well on you.

 

Do you feel a little better since march but with waves?

 

Don't forget to write your diary every day with the complete date, it is important.

 

You are a very courageous girl, I know it.

 

Bon courage à toi et à bientôt.

 

Bises

 

Vega.

[Passionlifetime]

I am just like you ......tapering effexor..............12 years on AD's....Indian Guy.

[Sassenach]

Hi Frenchie

 

Are you still able to work?

 

Sass

[Frenchgirl]

Dear Sass

I go To work but it's very very very hard...

That's why my friend Vegalia says I'm brave.

I'm in the same state of mind as Vega.

 

Yesterday night:

Sleep is missing.Had bad slept.Awake at 4:43.Can't slept more.

Hypnagogic hallucination.

 

Today severly depressed:8/9 with suicidal thoughts especially the morning before going at work 9:00 am

and at midday.Want To cry during lunch with a mixed feeling of depression and anxiety.

Took effexor 112.5mg at around 14:00

while eating.

15:00 go back at work.Feel that my brain isn't working good,very slow,tired,like this morning.My intelectual abilities were so much better before my FT.

Felt a little bit better some hours later.

My effexor is acting,i thought.

20:15 dinner.Tinglings in my lids.

22:20 Plants

23:00 clonazepam drops 1+0.16 drops.

Troubles with my Memory all day long.

Suicidal thoughts appears,dissipates,go back,dissipates...

Exhausted I'm going To sleep.

Bonne nuit Sass.

Frenchie.

[Superwoman]

Frenchgirl,

 

You are brave and very resilient to be able to still work being severely depressed.  I know how difficult that is.  Frenchie, did your psychologist help you come up with a safety plan for times when you feel suicidal?  I am here if you want to PM me. 
 

Hugs,

 

Superwoman

[Frenchgirl]

Hi Superwoman 

I hope you are doing Well.

Many thanks for your help and your message.My psychologist not really helps for a safety plan,a part saying go back To the Clinic...All that I don't want,i said To her+no confidence in the doctors.I may PM you.

Hugs.

FG

 

[Vegalia]

Hi @Frenchgirl

 

Can't you change of psychologist?

Mine helped me. But I can't sée her again : too expensive.

 

Bisous 

 

Vega

[Frenchgirl]

Hi @Vegalia

They are not a lot here,and they don't really know what is withdrawal...

She is just supportive.

Thanks for your thoughts,and  your kind words.

Hope you will Feel better.

Bisous.

French Girl.

[Superwoman]

Frenchie,

 

I am surprised that your psychologist did not give you a safety plan. My psychologist gave me a safety plan when I was having suicidal thoughts a few months ago.  I would ask your psychologist to help you come up with one.  When do you see her again?  A safety plan is a plan of what to do when you are having strong emotions or suicidal thoughts or feel like you are in a crisis.  My counselor gave me a list of self soothing and distracting activities using the five senses. For example, watch movie, help someone else, compare yourself to those less fortunate, count to 10, talk with a friend, pay attention to sounds if nature. She said to go somewhere public. Hope this helps.
 

 I can see that there might be times when someone needs to go to a clinic. By clinic do you mean an inpatient psychiatric hospital?  There are times when someone might need someone to look after them and make sure they are safe. However, depression that is caused by psychiatric drug withdrawal should be treated differently than regular depression.  Additional drugs can throw a recovering nervous system even more out of balance. My concern would be that they would just throw more drugs at you. Ideally I think that doctors at a clinic should respect a patients wishes to listen to their body and not take any additional drugs. However, realistically I don’t know if that would happen. Maybe you could call the clinic and explain your situation?  Do you not want more drugs and do you want your medicine to stay the same?  If so, tell them you only want counseling and people to look after you and make sure you are safe. Ask them, “would they would pressure you to take drugs?”  I am curious what they would say.  I too would be worried about doctors trying to push drugs down my throat. I would also ask them, “Are you free to leave the facility whenever you want?”  If they did not respect your wishes and try to drug you, you want to know that you can leave. It wouldn’t hurt to ask.  In England they are setting up hotlines where people having difficulty getting off antidepressants can call for help. I think this is awesome!  I don’t know if they up and running yet though.  
 

I am not sure how the PM works. Is it like a text message where you talk back and forth or is it like an email?

 

Take care,

 

Superwoman

 

 

Edited October 28, 2019 by Shep
removed real name, per member's PM

[Sassenach]

Hi Frenchie

 

19 hours ago, Frenchgirl said:

suicidal thoughts especially the morning before going at work 9:00 am

This is suicidal ideation and is a product of your sensitised system.

It is something that happens to many of us.

The question to ask yourself is, do I really want to die?

Some days we  feel we may not want to live, that is not the same as wanting to die.

The thoughts are horrible but they wil not hurt you.

5 hours ago, Frenchgirl said:

My psychologist not really helps for a safety plan,a part saying go back To the Clinic.

They are a waste of time when it comes to W/D, their only answer is more drugs.

 

You are doing extremely well to continue working.

Do you feel worse now than one month ago?

 

 

Sass

 

Edited October 23, 2019 by Sassenach
question already answered

[Altostrata]

Frenchgirl, please include drug dosages in your daily notes, and post at least 24 hours of notes at a time, like this:

 

Quote

6 a.m. Woke with anxiety
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

 

Do your depressed thoughts have any particular theme? What are your thoughts before you have thoughts of suicide?

[Frenchgirl]

Hi Alto

My diary:

 

0:30 or 1:00 am Fell asleep.

Woke with noise during the night.

Fell asleep.

Sleep was better than previous night.

6 am:woke try to fell asleep but

can't,tired,intrusive songs in my head

7:50 woke up,dressed

8:00 got back To bed,tired,no energy

8:50 go at work,low energy and flat mood

12:30 want To cry,depressed

1:15 pm Ate lunch,irritable,violent thoughts

1:45 pm Took effexor 112.5mg 

Obssessed with updosing or not.

Mixed feeling depression and anxiety. 

3:00 pm at work unable To be joyful.

Low energy,tired.

7:30 end of work,back To home

8:15pm dinner low energy.

9:45 Plants escholtzia and passionflower 

11:00 clonazepam drops 1+0.16.,1 drop is 0.1mg

0:00 here in France mood a bit better but Exhausted.

Throughout the day and this Eve suicidal impulses,some violent thoughts.

Will complete tomorrow for the night.

No particular theme for the suicidal thoughts.My thoughts before:can't go on like this,it's unbearable.

0:40 Going To sleep huge exhaustion.

All the best.

Frenchie.

 

[Altostrata]

How has your symptom pattern changed since last March?

[Frenchgirl]

Hello Alto and Sass

My symptom pattern hasn't really changed since last March.The drastic drops were not a good thing.I've messed up.

 

The suicidal thoughts and impulses were still here months ago.But i feel worse than 2 weeks ago for instance.

My thoughts before my suicidal thoughts  are also: I'm going To die,or

i Will suicide me.

Sometimes I'm telling me when does it ends?

Sometimes I'm saying To myself that i don't want To die but sometimes it's harder.

I'm wondering of an updose(small)...might help for this unbearable withdrawal.

Maybye i haven't really answered To your question if you need more details ask me.

Thanks for your support and your help.

Take Care

FG.

[Frenchgirl]

24 0ctober

Yesterday morning:hard time To get up,very drowsy.Songs in my head.No energy.

 

12:30

Managed To get up

13:45 lunch and effexor 112.5mg at around 14:00-14:30

Low and flat mood,apathy,feeling unwell.

A little bit better in the afternoon.

17:45 managed To go outside see my BF's family. Felt depressed.Flat mood.

Headache-sinus ache.

20:00 back home.

20:30 Dinner.

Some tinglings in the face,mouth

22:15 Plants.

23:00 clonazepam drops.0.1mg+ a little bit more.

Dark thoughts.

1:00 am or more fell asleep.Some light sleep.

7:30 awake,drowsy,flat mood

11:15 had troubles To get up.

11:30 breakfast 

Light Sensibility.

Play a little bit with my brother's dog.

13:55 lunch

14:50 go To work.Effexor 112.5mg.

Irritability.Mood swings.Violent thoughts during the afternoon.Feeling like I'm going crazy.

Headache and sinus ache.

19:30 at home.Songs in my head.Suicidal thoughts more or less.

20:30 felt irritable,dinner.

21:50 felt more energy.Anxiety.Suicidal impulses,go back and dissapear.

Tinglings in my head the afternoon and in my face this evening.

23:00 clonazepam drops 0.1mg+a a little bit more.

Memory loss amplified in the mornings.Due to clonazepam certainly.

And I'm wondering if it doesn't make me Feel drowsy.

All the best.

Frenchie.

[Frenchgirl]

@Superwoman

I've send you a PM,it's like a email and you'll receive an alert.

Hugs.

Frenchie.

[Frenchgirl]

Hi @Superwoman

How are you doing today?

I also have some troubles with my cycle,as you experienced.

I'm afraid that i had WD symptoms this morning some hypnagogic hallucinations (sounds),facial spams and harm muscular spams,light flashes,as always exhausted...and obsessed with med...

Not in my normal state.

Will PM you later,i'm going To eat dinner.

Take Care

Frenchie.

 

 

[Superwoman]

Hi Frenchie,

 

I was tired, lethargic and grumpy all day yesterday. This is even after sleeping 11.5 hrs. the night before. I think it was my period that made me so tired. 

[Frenchgirl]

Hello Superwoman,

Yes hello means Bonjour in French.

That's certainly the case,my period has always made me tired and sometimes grumpy.I wish i can sleep 11.5 hours!!

So lucky you're .

 

 

[Sassenach]

Hi Frenchie

 

I have been reading back through your diaries and I sense an improvement albiet small since you joined the site.

I know you find it hard to work and report on here, you are doing very well to manage to do this.

It would help greatly if you could rate your major symptoms from 0-10 to help us track your progress.

Please check Erell's diaries to see what I mean.

I do sense an improvement but it will be slow because your CNS was so destabilised.

Please remember that improvements start slowly, almost imperceptably and gradualy increase as your CNS settles.

 

Sass

[Frenchgirl]

Hi Sass 

I hope you're doing Well.

Thanks for your message and for your encouragements.

I've checked Erell' s diaries as you suggested.

SO Destabilised is the word!

I won't follow the doc's advices of updosing so much,1st he wanted me To updose To 130 mg,then 150mg on 2nd appointement or just To 120mg.

0 No symptoms 

10 unbearable 

This week-end anxiety:8

Since 2 days:insomnia on top

Mood is a bit better than previous week,dépression was unbearable.

This night had very bad sleep about 2 h,added To sinus ,teeth aches:8

13:15:Still remaining now.

Anxiety:panic attack thoughts mild 5

Depression:6-7

I was asking To my Dear friend Superwoman,about updosing.In order To stabilise.

I see the etho here is a slight updose To avoid adverse reactions.From 7 months approx To my previous dosage of 150mg,what would be a slight updose ?I may have a try??One bead equal 0.3 mg.That seems so little.Some beads,may help for the WD symptoms...

 

Will try to post my diary this evening.

Frenchie.

[Superwoman]

Frenchgirl,

 

Yeah I think when I had the bad insomnia that is worse then sleeping too much.  After reading some of the stories on here I count my blessings. It’s scary to think that I could have become disabled from tapering too fast.  It is despicable that that doctors and the pharmaceutical industry ignore and trivialize patient’s reports of antidepressant withdrawal. Shame on them!  I would like to get a review on prescription drug dependency (like was done in England) started here. I’m not sure how though?
 

SW

[Shep]

19 hours ago, Frenchgirl said:

I see the etho here is a slight updose To avoid adverse reactions.From 7 months approx To my previous dosage of 150mg,what would be a slight updose ?I may have a try??One bead equal 0.3 mg.That seems so little.Some beads,may help for the WD symptoms...

 

Your signature states you are on 112.5 mg Effexor. Is that how much you are currently taking? 

 

How long have you been on your current dose? 

[Frenchgirl]

Hi Shep

That's right I'm currently taking effexor 112.5mg since the end of March 2019.So for 7 months now.But i was with 150 mg during several years and just before going To 112.5mg.

I hope that's clear.Sorry for my bad english.

Take Care.

FG.

[Shep]

When was your last clonazepam reduction (month and year)? 

 

Your English is good. 

[Frenchgirl]

My last clonazepam reduction was last month september 2019.Last night i've slept more and also this morning.Today I'm very drowsy,like a zombie.The only thing is that i've stopped passionflower,2 or 3 days and now retaken last night.I don't know if there's a link with my sleep.

Also it may was taken a little bit more later than 23:00,can't remenber exactly the time.